I'm so happy right now because this book has 20,843 views and I'm about to cry! You guys made this possible and I'm so proud of myself that I wrote something and people are actually reading it. (That never happens) I LOVE EACH AND EVERYONE OF YOU!

PS: I also want to know what your favorite scene is in iBed Buddies besides the sex scenes... 'cause I want to know. :D so please comment on your favorite scene because I like to read feedback and responses!

WARNING: You guys are probably going to hate me after this chapter...

chapter thirty

I'm in the dining room sitting in an empty chair while the whole house is pitched black around nine-fifty at night.

After talking to Uncle Carmine earlier at the bar, I've thought about if I should tell Freddie if he has feelings for me. It's like those movies and T.V shows where the angel and devil are standing on your shoulders explaining what you should do.

Since Uncle Carmine mentioned about what my feelings mean, he got the results of me being in love with Freddie. My best friend since forever.

I kept assuring to myself that he was lying, that there's no way I can be in love with Freddie Benson. But in my deep personal gut, it's saying that all the feelings I've been experiencing are containing to loving him because of the signs.

I know I've been feeling safe when I'm around him and how I would always be there for him for anything. But that's a friend stage. I don't know what stage I'm thinking about in this perspective.

It all started with those damn eyes Freddie has. Those deep dark brown eyes that I grew to adore because of the untold emotions in them, and the sparkle he has in his eyes when I look at him; they mean something. Whatever they're telling me is making me feel prestigious and collected.

I want to know what they're saying. I want to be like Nancy Drew and discover what his eyes are telling me. I want to know so badly, but I just don't know how to find out.

I hear the door lock click and the door opening, feeling the slightly cool breeze flying in the house touching my bare arms. After the door was closed, locked in place, a pair of foot steps stroll over to the dining area while the lights are still off.

As I feel his presence in front of me, I start to make the first move.

"Hello, Fredward."

He screams like a girl, hitting something behind him causing a thud while I roll my eyes in the dark room. From dark vision, my eyes can see his hand movement clutching onto his phone as he aims his phone at me and turns the flashlight on from the device.

The bright light darts at me as he can now see it's me sitting at the table with the lights off at night.

"Sam! What the hell are you doing?!" He screamed.

"Waiting for you," I replied shrugging my shoulders.

"Ugh..." he walks around the room with the flashlight still on. After a few moments, the whole apartment lights up as the light bulbs flicker from the electrical switch. He turned off the flashlight from his phone and exhaled, running his hand through his hair. "Really, Sam? What were you doing sitting here in the dark, why didn't you turn the lights on?"

"I just wanted to... think." I murmured.

"Wanted to think..." he muttered to himself taking off his black leather jacket.

"Yeah..." I replied.

Once he puts his jacket on top of the chair, his eyes line up on mine staring me down as if he's trying to know something. My god, his eyes are turning into Uncle Carmine's!

"Why are you staring at me like that?" I asked crossing my arms over my chest.

"I'm trying to know what's up with you." He pulls the chair back causing a screech sound on the wooden floor and sits on it, scooting closer across from me. "So... earlier you were acting a bit strange ever since Carly came along."

I rolled my eyes mentally hearing her name again. Why does this girl make me so angry?!

"Really?" I asked innocently.

"Yeah... and then when I tried to ask you what's wrong, you looked... annoyed." He said while his eyes are solemn with his jaw tensed. "Why is that?"

I look at him trying not to show my flaws of how I'm mad at Carly, what's her face, showing up and being friendly to Freddie. He can't know how she makes me enraged for some reason... "If I sounded annoyed, I'm sorry. I was tired and wanted some rest." I lied, giving him a small grin.

"Uh huh... it's so funny how you try to lie." He smiled.

I cursed under my breath forgetting who I'm talking to. Freddie knows everything about me, I'm so stupid for even trying. "Listen... nothing's wrong alright? I'm fine, you're fine, everything's fine." I sighed leaning my back on the cold metallic chair staring at him as his face expression shows nothing.

"Oh really?" He asked.

"Yup," I said popping the p. I pushed back the chair and stood up, looking down at him as he's still sitting. "How was work?" I asked changing the subject as I walk to the kitchen, trying to distract myself.

"It was alright." His voice spoke far away from the dining room. "Carly was great at work after I taught her a few basics."

Of course he brings her into this conversation. "Wow, that's great," I said incensed while going to the fridge, opening it, taking out a can of Peppy-Cola. After I closed the fridge, I opened the aluminum tab with a small click and turned around seeing Freddie standing in front of me with a suspicion look on his face.

"Ahh!" I jumped not aware of his presence. "Fuck! When'd you get here?" I snapped.

He still stares at me with his eyebrows furrowed. "Do you and Carly have a problem I don't know about?" He asked ignoring my question.

I watch his face to see if it would change, but his look still remains suspicious onto why I'm acting like this and I have a perfect reason. "No." I shrugged taking a sip of my soda.

"Really?" He chuckled, not believing me. "Because... for some reason when she came you acted as if you don't like her or something when she was nice to you." He crosses his arms waiting for me to say something.

"I'm not saying something's wrong with her. 'Cause there isn't. It's just weird how I saw her at City Hall, and then she magically appears at your job wanting to "help"." I air quote with my free hand.

"Wha... what was that?"

"What was what?" I rolled my eyes.

"What you just did. The air quoting on 'help'. What was that?" He asked confusingly, mocking me air quoting the word help.

"Nothing, Freddie. It's Nothing." I muttered. I placed my soda on the counter behind me without turning around and stared at him. "Listen, I don't have a problem with Carly, alright? Let's just leave it at that."

"No, Sam we have to talk about this because before she came, you were fine and happy and then when she showed up, there's grumpy Sam. I don't get it."

I look down at my feet that has black nail polish on my toes and thought about what he said. I mean what he said is true, but I'm not going to admit it. I was supposed to talk to him about how he feels and I'm not close to that direction yet. "Um... nope. There was no grumpy Sam. I was just tired and I wanted to come home and rest, that's all." I told him slowly as if he's a child.

He turns around and paces slowly as he runs his hand through his brunette hair again. He stops after a few moments and turns back around looking at me while shaking his head. "What am I going to do with you? Sam, if you have a problem, tell me what it is." He says hitting the back of his hand on his other hand numerous times. I stayed quiet for a minute and his gesture shows that he's thinking about something with a knowing look. "It is about Carly."

"Oh, we're back to her are we?" I asked chuckling.

"Well, it has to be her because that's all we're talking about right now." He replied raising his voice.

"No, Freddie. It's not her–"

"Sam, stop bullshitting!" He snapped. I raise my eyebrows astonished from what he said.

"Excuse me?"

"You heard me. What is this about Carly you don't like? If you have a problem with her, I need to know about it." He walks closer to me and stops two inches away from my body.

I sighed and scratched the back of my neck getting nowhere in this conversation. What am I doing? Why am I fighting with Freddie about this? Ever since Carly came today all I've been doing was get angry at her for being too close to him and had a boiling sensation in my body when I look at her. That's not normal for me to do. I shouldn't care if she's helping Gibby at work and being Freddie's co-worker, but for some reason it's making me furious.

"Are you jealous of her or something?" Freddie asked with his eyebrows scrunched.

I looked at him and chuckled at the word. Jealous. Is that what I'm feeling? Jealousy when I'm looking at her?

I can't be.

"That's funny, Freddie." I shake my head escaping a few chuckles.

"You think this is funny? Sam, I'm trying to understand what's going on with you."

"Well don't!" I snapped. "It's not about Carly, your little helper, okay?"

"Then what's the fucking problem?!"

"You! It's about you, alright?! Ever since we started this 'friends with benefits' crap, thing's changed!" I started and his face softens. "For some reason, I'm getting this vibe that my heart is telling me something about you when you touch me and how you look at me with those damn brown eyes of yours. And I can't take it anymore," I walk past him trying to get room, pacing back and forth to calm down. The strategy wasn't working because I feel a lump in my throat forming and tears appearing in my eyes. I try to hold back the tears, but a tear already escaped from my eye.

I don't know what's going on with me.

I stopped pacing and saw Freddie turn around, facing me with a hurt expression on his face.

"So... I talked to my uncle at the bar when I left earlier. I didn't come home and take a nap like I said I did," I started. "He told me some... interesting things of what these feelings mean." I chuckled. "And he said that I probably like you more than a friend, but I think that's some crazy bullshit because of how we're friends and how we're doing this and that. It's ridiculous..." I was on the verge of crying but tried to keep my emotions locked inside.

Freddie's face is tense and his eyes are looking dead at me, not moving an inch.

"I mean, what does he know? He's just a guy working at a bar and giving people drinks while he tries everything he can to not go back to jail. It's crazy how he thinks he knows how I feel about you and this situation." I exhaled and sniffled from the tears. "So, you know what, Freddie? I'm going to ask this nice and clear, what are your thoughts about this? Huh?" I ask while tears escape from my eyes, but I'm still keeping myself together.

My eyes watch him as his eyes are starting to glisten while his face is still tense.

"Do you have any "feelings" that you like to say now? Because Uncle Carmine told me you might like me which I laughed soo hard about. It can't be true, nothing about this can't be true." I wave my hands around looking at his figure.

He breaks eye contact with me while looking down at the floor, nodding his head hesitantly.

"So what do you have to say? Clearly what I said to my uncle was complete nonsense because it can't be true. I promised myself that after Jonah cheated on me that I wasn't going to let myself fall for another guy and date them because I think they're going to end up hurting me."

Freddie looks up and his eyes made my breath hitch. His eyes are glistening while tears arise at his tear ducts, staring at me without saying anything.

"I can't do it, Freddie. I told you that this having sex thing was going to do something to one of us and now here we are... having this conversation about this. What I feel is confusing the hell out of me and I can't seem to process on what they are. I know I can't possibly have feelings for you... and I know, deep down, that you don't have feelings for me. So, come on, what do you feel about me?" I asked irritatingly, wiping tears from my eyes.

He keeps staring at me while a tear pours down from his right eye to his cheek and he shakes his head slowly.

"What?" I asked. "You're not gonna answer me?"

No response.

"Dammit, Freddie! I'm not going to ask again, what do you feel about–"

I feel a pair of lips make contact with mine as I recognize it's his. I feel a spark in my body as I feel his moist lips touching mine as we move our lips in sync. Freddie caresses my face with his hands as he deepens the kiss slowly.

This embrace feels different... it's not our usual sex hormone kiss, it's something delightful and amazing. My heart is beating so fast; I feel like walking on air because of this gentle movement.

I wrap my arms around his neck as he lifts me up by the waist and sits me on the counter behind me, not breaking the kiss. His hands remain on my waist as he grips on them softly with his delicate fingers.

The mood that is happening is not about sex this time. It's about how it feels like it is just him and me in the room and the background is erased. How my body has a jittery feeling that I don't want to go away. How gentle and beautiful the way his hands are touching me like he doesn't want to hurt me. How he's giving me goosebumps. I caress my hand on his cheek returning the gesture as he slides his hand on my back bringing me closer to him; his legs in between mine.

We're kissing passionately the way we never kissed before, and it's the most beautiful feeling I've ever felt when I'm with him. I didn't even feel this way when I kissed Jonah...

I never want this kiss to end. I just want us to be the only people in the world being together like this.

After what feels like an eternity, Freddie pulls away from my lips gradually while we're catching our breaths at the same time. He leans down and connects his forehead to mine. I open my eyes and stare up at his luxurious brown orbs that are sparkling... those eyes always give me trouble not to look at them.

"Do you want to know how I feel about you?" He whispered sternly, speaking for the first time in a while. I couldn't do anything but stare at him as I try to sort out what happened before. His wet eyes are piercing through mine while cupping my face with his hands again, moving a strand of hair away from my face. "What I feel about you is something I've never felt for a girl before. Everything we went through together has made me feel like I can be happy with people around me and one of them is you. For years, I had these thoughts that I was going to be alone because of what my dad did and everyone would end up leaving me. I didn't tell you about him because I thought you would leave me and I didn't want to lose the best thing that has happened to me. But you... you didn't leave me. You helped me believe that I wasn't going to be alone anymore and how I have people who care about me. The girls I've dated... did not care about me and just wanted to have sex with me. That's not what I want. I want someone who knows how to fight for themselves, someone who doesn't care what people think about them, someone who cares about their loved ones but still pulls pranks on them, someone with blonde hair, beautiful blue eyes, and a sassy attitude which I grew to love over the years. You deserve so much better than what Jonah did to you..."

I look at him with tears escaping from my eyes without me wiping them away. He's saying these signs I never thought would aim towards me. How long has he felt this way? Why did he hold it in? Why didn't he tell me how he felt in the first place?

"I... I'm in love with you, Sam." His voice cracks as tears stream down from his eyes.

That made me look down on my lap as a sob escaped from my lips. What is this exploding feeling I have in my chest like my heart is trying to say something back?

He's in love with me?

I can't believe this is happening...

"I'm in love with you." He tilts my head back up for me to face him. "I can say it a million times because it's true. I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you..." he whispered, wiping a tear away from my eyes.

I was quiet at this point, my body was numb, I couldn't move an inch but have my eyes looking at him, my vision blurred with tears. This shithead! Why is he doing this to me? Why is he doing this to me now?

After a moment of silence, Freddie looks down at me concerned. "Aren't you going to say anything?" He asked nervously.

My mouth opens and closes back and forth trying to spill my words out, but nothing seems to come out because I don't know what to say. What am I supposed to say after finding out my best friend has loved me for how long? Uncle Carmine stated about if I was afraid he wasn't going to like me and I don't know if I should be happy or angry.

I don't even know what my feelings are! This has gotten way out of hand and I'm getting tired of this drama that just arrived in my life.

I brought my hands up, placed them on Freddie's chest, and pushed him away, making him stumble backward a little. His eyes grew wide and his face turns to grief just standing there, looking at me.

Without saying anything, I jumped off the counter landing on my feet and walked away from the kitchen, rushing to my bedroom. Once I make it to my room, I slam the door hard making the small accessories in my room to rattle.

I lay my back on the door and slid down to the floor until my butt hits the carpet floor. I pulled my legs up and snaked my arms around my legs while resting my head on my knees... crying.

I continue to cry as I feel so many emotions flow through my head remembering the events that have happened. The day Jonah broke up with me, Freddie recommending us doing friends with benefits, Freddie and I being happy doing what we do, me discovering new feelings, Uncle Carmine telling me about my feelings, me confronting Freddie, Freddie confessing he's in love with me.

Now what?

Me crying over everything.

I can't take this anymore... I don't know what to do about this. I want to know what I'm feeling inside, but now everything is hard because of how this all started.

Never will I get my answer.

Are you guys mad? :/