Series: 30 Day Kara Challenge
Title: Scar
Fandom: Supergirl (2015)
Rating: T for Self-Harm
Parings: Season 5 Cannon
Characters: Kara
Background: Set Before Crisis but after Lena revealed she knew the truth
Prompt: Weird Things you do when you are Alone
It was supposed to be a funny prompt, but I could only think of something dark.
Summary: Kara shouldn't be alone- not now. Not with her history. Not after Lena
Disclaimer: I don't own Supergirl
000000
In general, Kara didn't like to be alone. She'd learned from when she just arrived on Earth and those months after she lost Mon-El the first time- she wasn't good alone. It was the reason she has game nights and girl's nights and training and even just flying around the city. She didn't want to be alone with her thoughts…
Tonight, however, she had almost no choice. Oh, she was sure she could convince Alex to come over, but she and Kelly needed their date nights. It was just her luck that everyone else was busy as well. James had moved back to Calvinville to be the editor in chief. Nia and Brainy were also on a date and M'gann had come for a visit to spend time with J'onn.
Lena…
Kara took a deep breath, her hands shaking so much she had to put down the knife she was using to prepare dinner. She feels the tears build up again and she has to press her hands against either side of her nose to force herself to calm down.
She deserves everything Lena had said to her- it was all true after all. How could she call herself Lena's friend after keeping this secret for so long- a secret she told Nia only after a few months of knowing her.
A secret everyone- everyone- knew except her.
Kara is opening her bedside drawer before she even realized what she was doing. She didn't even realize she had walked to her bed area, but she had-
Her hand grasps the hilt of a sheathed dagger and she pulls it out, her heart hammering in her chest- screaming at her to put it away- to throw it in the middle of the ocean, but she couldn't hear- didn't want to listen.
Sheathed it looked like an ordinary dagger, the hilt warn from the number of times she grasped it tightly in her hand- still whole though, as the hilt was made from Nth metal. The leather hilt was also worn at the edges, the material hard, like it was covered by uncommon substance- which was true.
It was cover with lead.
Slowly she slid the dagger from the sheath, her muscles seizing up and the familiar pain hitting her immediately. It glowed green, bathing her dark room in the unnatural glow. It was hard looking at it too long- hard to look at the color green to long in general. Her mind shoots her back to every time she's felt the pain- everything she's almost died.
It was natural Kryptonite, the dagger the very one J'onn had shoved into Astra's arm all those years ago, taken from her and her husband's room on Fort Rozz, along with several other things when she had been on board the prison when trying to find information on the World Killers.
She should have handed it over, should have given it back to J'onn and the DEO- but she couldn't.
She wished she did.
The dagger is brought to her bare arm and she pushes it past her skin, still uncomfortable by how easy it was, both the actual act and being able to do it to herself. She pulls down, the radiation from the mineral killing, burning the cells on either side of the cut, making it harder for her skin to heal-
She drops the dagger and grabs the bloody rag she keeps under her bed. This wasn't the first time she's done this- nor would it be the last. The last few weeks she's done it more than usual-
The first time was before she has gotten her powers, just after she landed on Earth. She failed her mission, everyone she knew, everyone she loved was dead- what right did she have to live when so many had died.
Alex found her and Kara saw a therapist for years after that.
The second time was just before she became Supergirl, when she felt the spiral of uselessness edge into her heart. That dagger had been made of a scrap metal from her ship, the only piece she had. The piece struggled a bit, but it to could pierce her skin.
Alex took it away after she found Kara in her own blood, after Astra's death. And again she saw a therapist.
Things were better, she was getting better!
Then she had to send Mon-El away. Alex kept an eye on her, more so when she stopped seeing the therapist- she shouldn't have done that- but she found other ways to punish herself.
Then she found the dagger that now laid at her feet. She's only used it once or twice before Lena-
Kara pressed hard on the still bleeding wound. It was an ugly thing. The way it bleeds. The gagged edges where the cells burned up, leaving behind a black line. The way the radiation affected her veins, turning them green. Even the slight hint of green in her blood.
It was a testament to her relationship with Lena. The cut had been the truth. Not from her own lips, but from the tongue of that liar- the only truth he ever told. The burned edges were Lena's trust in her, burned away because of the lies. The veins the resentment, and the blood as everything came into the light, bringing the ugly green with it.
But unlike her relationship with Lena, by next morning the injury would be gone, not even leaving a mark. Just smooth skin, like it never happened.
Real-life wasn't like that. Everything leaves scars. Nothing heals properly. There would always be a reminder of the past wronged- the blunt mark for the world to see.
This thing between her and Lena-
That scar will always be there.