Chapter 23

Lena was happy, happier than she'd ever been. In the month that followed the hand-fasting, the sun shone brighter in her eyes, the air felt clearer in her lungs, and sounds resonated more vibrantly in her ears. She felt freer than she ever had before, and she loved Edmund more deeply than she thought possible.

"I've been thinking about something a lot recently," Edmund began as he dropped to his knees before her. Sara was nearby gathering wildflowers with a Dryad.

"Oh? I do hope you didn't strain anything," Lena teased.

"Ha. Ha. You're funny. No, I've been thinking about us, about our family." He glanced down at her stomach.

"You've been thinking about having another."

"I have," he admitted. "Is that wrong of me? Please, please say it isn't."

Lena smiled. "It isn't wrong of you, and I'll let you in a little secret." She leaned forward to whisper in his ear. "I've been thinking about it too."

"Really?" His eyes went wide with excitement. Lena nodded. "Brilliant! You're brilliant! I love you! Have I told you how much I love you, lately?" He kissed her repeatedly on her cheeks, her nose, and her lips, anywhere he could find a place.

"When can we start?" he asked. Lena laughed softly at his enthusiasm.

"Well…"

"Eddie! Come look at this one!" Sara called.

"Right now, you have more pressing matters to attend to."

"Actually, I'm thinking it's about time Princess Sarina took her nap."

Lena laughed. "Good luck with that one; she hasn't napped since the bonding."

"Eddie!"

"I'll be right there, Topa," Edmund called over his shoulder. "We could always let Peter and Susan have a little quality time with her."

"Eddie, hurry!"

"Perhaps, but right now you better do as the little Princess commands or there'll be no time for anything else," Lena said.

"Don't move. I'll be right back." Edmund kissed her again before running off.

Lena smiled as she watched Edmund attend to Sara with just as much enthusiasm as he had her. A year ago, having another child was an impossible dream for them; now, Lena allowed herself to believe in that possible future, even if only for a second. Perhaps they'd have a son this time. He'd like that, she was sure. Things had certainly never been better for Lena.

Deep beneath the penetrating happiness and joy, however, Lena knew something was off. The aching of her arms and legs was deeper and a daily occurrence. She tired more easily from the simplest of actions. She found herself short of breath for no apparent reason, and she was beginning to lose her appetite again. She hid all of this, of course, but there was one who saw.

"You're doing it again, Lady Ileana," Nalsa said quietly.

Lena instantly stopped massaging her hand.

"Have you been to see the Healer yet?"

"Yes," she lied. Nalsa stared back at her. "No. I do not believe there is anything she could for me anyway. And I don't say that because she's a Dryad; I am sure she is very skilled. But if this is what I think it is…"

"And what is that, Lady Ileana?" Nalsa tried again to pry the truth form Lena, but Lena would not release it. Nalsa moved closer to her and nuzzled her nose into Lena's hand. "You must go see the Healer, Lady Ileana. You have more reason to now if you wish to carry more pups for King Edmund."

Lena smiled. "I suppose you are right about that."

She placed her hands over her stomach. If she could wish a baby into life with just her will, then the babe would already be in her hands. She was only thirty-three, well thirty-four now; she was still young, still viable. Physically and mentally she should be able to do this. She wanted this. And yet, that feeling of wrongness still plagued her mind.

"Hmm?" Lena shook the negative thoughts from her head and looked up. "I'm sorry, what did you say?"

Nalsa blinked back at her. "I didn't say anything, Lady Ileana."

"Oh. Did Ed call for me then?" She looked over to where Edmund and Sara were, but they were both clearly absorbed in whatever it was they were doing.

"He did not call for you either," Nalsa said.

"Hmm… I was sure I heard…"

Nalsa's ears twitched and she stood up.

"You heard it that time too, didn't you?"

"I did."

Nalsa sniffed the air around them, ears pinned to her head and a snarl on her lips. She circled the quilt twice before her demeanor changed drastically. Her tongue lolled out of her mouth, her tail wagged enthusiastically, and she pranced in her spot.

"Nalsa?" Lena had never seen Nalsa act like such a common dog. She turned to get Edmund's attention but neither he nor any of the other Narnians seemed to notice Nalsa's curious behavior at all.

"Oh, this is great, Lady Ileana. Wait until you see! But He only wants to see you right now. You must go to Him at once!"

"Go to whom? What's going on? What's gotten into you, Nalsa?"

Nalsa pulled Lena to her feet and then nudged her towards the tree line. "Go, go. You will see."

With Nalsa pushing on her back, Lena stumbled as she made her way beyond the trees and out of sight from the others. As confused as she was by Nalsa's behavior, she was even more confused by what she found.

"You're a cat," she said. Nalsa had gotten all worked up over a cat. "Or are you a Cat?" she asked. "I'm sorry; I'm still learning to tell the difference."

The orange cat arched its back and mewled.

"So a cat, then. Right." Lena shook her head. "I bet Nalsa would feel pretty embarrassed right now if she saw you. Do Wolves get embarrassed?" Lena wondered aloud as she bent to rub the cat's head.

The cat nuzzled into her hand. Lena continued to pet its soft, silky fur unleashing a sense of peace and contentment for them both. The cat purred and the deep achiness Lena felt began to dissipate. Lena inhaled, breathing in a soft sweet smell and the weariness that was creeping in began to leave.

"It's strange," she said. "I know we only just met, but I feel like I know you. What's this?"

Lena's hand ran across a spot on the cat's side that was rough and scarred. She gently brushed aside a patch of fur to find a thin, faded line of her signature stitch. Her hand fell away and she rocked back on her heels.

"What is this? This doesn't make sense. You can't be…"

Lena stared into the cat's golden eyes.

"You know me, Ileana, but not as well as I know you," the cat said. Then the cat breathed on her and Lena was taken back to the first time a strange cat came to her.

The orange cat jumped up on the bed next to her after the old Lord left. Lena never liked cats, so she pushed it off. It jumped back up at her feet but Lena was too tired to fight it again. Their dance continued every night until weeks later Lena curled against its side and cried into its silky fur.

After weeks of being visited by the strange cat, Lena grew to expect its appearance. On the night it showed up with blood on its fur and an open wound on its chest, Lena wasted no time in finding her needle kit and sewing the wound closed.

"It was only a cat, Edmund."

…

"Loved?"

"Loved," he repeated. "…loved by a cat…who was more than just a cat."

Lena fell forward on her knees and wept as the cat became a Lion.

"Why me?" she asked. "What could you have seen in me to warrant this love?"

"I saw you as you are now, as you were always meant to be," the Lion replied His voice so deep Lena could feel it in her bones. "And I have waited a long time for this moment."

"I—" Lena sniffed. "I'm sorry it took me so long."

To her surprise, the Lion laughed. "Had you come to me any sooner, you would not be you." Then He nuzzled into her, allowing her to curl up next to Him taking the comfort and peace He offered. Lena stayed at His side continuing to breathe in His heavenly scent, letting it fill every hole inside her until the achiness of her limbs and the heaviness on her heart were washed away.

"This is the end, isn't it? You have come for me."

"I have come for you, but I wish you would not think of it as an end rather the beginning of a life spent eternally with me."

Lena nodded. "Might…might I have a bit more time, just to say goodbye? Nalsa might be cross with me if I simply left."

The Lion laughed. "For dear Nalsa's sake, you may have until midnight tonight. Now, if you are ready, there are two Princesses I am eager to meet."

The Lion stood. Lena rose along with Him and as she did she noticed for the first time that the air around them had been still and quiet but the instant they stood the forest became abuzz with life. Lena could hear the excited voices of many Narnians just beyond the tree line, many more than what had been with them.

"What's Meri doing here? I thought she was at the castle."

"Word travels fast in Narnia," the Lion replied.

The noise level intensified as they stepped back through the bushes. The once quiet glade was swarming with woodland Creatures who'd come to see the Lion. Meri was there with Kou and the rest of the Pevensie family. And Sara was no longer interested in gathering wildflowers with Eddie. When the Narnians saw the Lion, there was much baying and cheering and flowers dancing in the wind. The local Naiad had left her stream and she cast a shower of tiny rainbows whenever the light hit her.

"Aslan!"

It was hard to say who said His name with more excitement, Sara or Lucy, but Sara was the first to reach Him. Together they nearly tackled Him. Peter and Susan greeted Him next, followed by Edmund. After he bowed to the Lion, Edmund stood next to Lena and held her hand. Meri was the last of the humans to approach, and though she moved slowly, Lena could see the excitement in her eyes. Meri bowed respectfully as Edmund had before giving in and throwing her arms around the Lion's neck. All the while, the Lion laughed.

The new party brought a hearty amount of food with them. So, after everyone had a chance to greet and praise the Lion, they sat for a picnic lunch. Around the glade, there was singing and dancing. No one was quite sure when Aslan took His leave, but the celebration continued long after He had. Lena enjoyed the afternoon spent with her family, an afternoon free of aches and pains and premature weariness. It was nightfall by the time they returned to the castle.

"Thalia, will you take Sara up to her room and see that she gets a proper wash?"

"Of course, Lady Ileana. It would be my pleasure," the Dryad bowed.

"Mamma, can Eddie come too?"

"I…"

"I think that's a wonderful idea," Lena said, cutting across Edmund. He looked at her curiously and Lena held her breath, hoping he wouldn't read the truth in her eyes.

"Go. I'll be up soon."

Edmund nodded; he could tell something was off but he shoved the thought aside. In one fell swoop, he lifted Sara onto his hip. "Right then! Shall we continue the saga of the Pirate King?" he asked.

"No, Eddie. Pirates are last year," Sara said pointedly.

"Oh? So what should we explore this year?"

Sara wrinkled her nose, tilted her head to one side, and tapped her finger to her lips. "Mermaids!"

"Ah. You mean Merpeople; there are Mermen too," Edmund corrected. Sara's face was aglow with wonder as they left.

"Well that was a thoroughly enjoyable and relaxing day," Susan said. "But now I am even further behind on the Seven Isles Trade Agreement. If you'll excuse me, I should at least look at it tonight."

"Sue, come on. You've already missed a day's work; you should take the night off as well," Peter said. "I will sit down with you tomorrow, and look over the trade agreement with you," he said.

"You'll sit down with me? Don't you mean you'll make Ed do it?" Susan asked. Lucy laughed.

"Mamma?" Meri said, drawing everyone's attention to Lena who was still facing in the direction that Edmund and Sara had walked.

Lena slowly looked around her, taking in the grandeur of the entrance hall as she turned to face the others. Since arriving in Narnia, she'd never actually taken the time to admire the beauty of Cair Paravel or how different it was from Castle Caspian. She smiled softly to herself.

"Just when I think I might actually begin to like this place."

"Mamma?" Meri said again.

Lena had been thinking out loud and hadn't meant for anyone to hear, but now that they had she couldn't escape their curious looks. She studied each of them carefully. Lucy's smile was as warm and infectious as her friendship had been. Susan's gentle wisdom had been a comfort and an aspiration Lena strived to achieve for herself. Peter's steadfast strength blanketed the family in a protective shroud that had always made Lena feel safe and secure, even when she didn't realize it. Looking at them now it was like she was seeing them for the first time as the King and Queens they were.

Then there was Meri who, somehow, seemed to be the perfect blend of all four of them. She had Lucy's infectious smile, Susan's gentle coolness, Peter's fierce protection, and Edmund's sly playfulness. She was a Queen in her own right. Lena no longer feared what she knew would come next.

"Mamma?" Meri walked over to her. "Are you all right?"

Lena thought about telling them about her conversation with Aslan. In fact, she had been certain she would tell them until the moment she opened her mouth to do so. And instead of telling them that she would be leaving in a few short hours, she simply smiled and took Meri's hand.

"Sto bene, Topa."

"Are you sure? You're acting a little strange."

Lena nodded. "I was just freezing this moment in my mind so that when I look back this is the Narnia I remember, not the version I lived. I see it now, what you all wanted me to see. I see Narnia, and it's beautiful."

"Aslan has a way of changing how we view the world once we let Him in," Lucy said.

"That He does, Lu," Lena agreed. "I should go find Ed, see if he needs any help with Sara."

Before she left, however, Lena hugged each of their necks and told them she loved them.

On her way up to the Royal suites, she came across Nalsa who was on her way out after leaving Edmund with his night guard.

"Nalsa, do you have a moment?" Lena asked. The Wolf nodded and followed Lena into a sitting room nearby. Lena closed the door behind them. "If there are any ears here besides mine and Lady Nalsa's, please give us the room."

After a pause, Nalsa replied. "We are alone, Lady Ileana. What is it you wish to speak to me about?"

Lena moved to sit in one of the chairs; Nalsa followed her over. "You are sworn to protect Edmund from any threat of injury, harm, or pain from any source. Is that correct?"

"Yes, Lady Ileana. I vowed my life to his in the Guard's Oath."

"And what if in order to protect him, you had to lie to him?"

"Perhaps if I knew more specifically what we were discussing, I might be able to evaluate the situation better."

"I'm leaving, Nalsa." Lena choked on the lump that had arisen in her throat as she confessed for the first time what Aslan had confirmed.

"You're…leaving?"

Lena nodded. "It is, in part at least, why Aslan came to see me today."

"When? How much longer will you be staying with us?"

"I'm leaving tonight, in a few hours."

"Tonight? But that is not enough time to carry the new pup."

"No," Lena choked again. "No, it is not."

Nalsa's ears fell and her eyes drooped. "King Edmund will be pained by this news."

"There is more. When I leave Narnia, I won't be returning to the other place. I…" Lena paused and massaged her hand subconsciously. "I'm dying, Nalsa. Edmund doesn't know about it, here at least. We have been fighting it for months there. The Healers have tried their best but…"

"When it is your time, Aslan will not rest until you are home with Him."

"I thought you should know the truth. Meri knows as do Peter and Sir Jagar, but none of them know that I am leaving. I will tell Edmund that much, but I do not wish to tell him the other. I... I do not think I am strong enough to see the look in his eye again when he learns of my death."

"And you wish for me not to tell him as well?"

"I… I don't know. I once thought the decision was mine to make, but it is not. I do know, however, that telling him will only cause him pain."

"He will still feel the pain when it happens in the other place."

"Yes."

"So not telling him will not take the pain away."

"No; it will only delay it."

"Why are you telling me, Lady Ileana? You didn't have to."

"I know, but I… I respect you, Nalsa. And I trust you to take care of my family in my absence. As I said, Meri knows and she may need your council."

"Then I will not fail you, Lady Ileana."

"I never doubted that you would."

"I must confess, though; I am torn. I do not wish for you to leave, and neither do I wish to keep you from journeying to Aslan's Country."

"Aslan's Country?"

"It is a place beyond the Eastern Sea where all Narnians, who have been faithful to Aslan and His Father, journey to find rest when their time here is done."

"Well, if it is anything like Narnia then it is where I hope to go."

"It is even better than Narnia."

"I cannot imagine a place that is better than the Narnia you helped me to see…Friend."

Nalsa nudged her nose under Lena's hand and wagged her tail, eliciting a tearful laugh from Lena.

Lena kissed the top of Nalsa's furry head. "I will miss you too," she said.

XXX

Later that night, Edmund reacted to the news just as Lena suspected he would, with tears and anger. When he tried to pull away, Lena pulled him back in.

"Be angry with Him tomorrow. As for tonight, please, just be here with me."

Edmund took her into his arms and held her close in the desperate hope that if he held her tight enough then he wouldn't ever have to let her go.