This facility is a nightmare. Saren is into something horrible now.

We find the men that the Salarian unit lost, all of them in cages and most turned into mindless husks. We manage to talk to one, only to find out that Saren is using something called indoctrination to control people, to turn them into slaves. I make a mental note to let Wrex watch what I'm recording on my visor later so that he can thank Shepard for not letting this happen to him and the rest of the Krogan people.

Shepard makes the decision to release the captive Salarians and give them a chance to run before the bomb goes off. Just one is still competent enough to escape; of the remaining, half just stand around staring at walls, and the other half attack us, so they end up dead anyway. It all just ends up being a drain on our morale and whatever positive adrenaline we had starting this thing.

I feel sick by the time we get into the elevator, but angrier than anything else. Angrier than I can remember being in a long time. Saren has turned on the galaxy, that's for damn sure.

"I can't decide what's worse," I growl, smacking the console for the elevator to start moving. "The idea that Saren is indoctrinated and has no control over himself or the thought that he's not being controlled and has made a choice to be this monster."

"There is no better option," Tali breathes, leaning against the wall. "That was...horrible."

I can tell she's hurting and hope for the sake of my friend that we're finished running into cages full of enslaved, mind-controlled Salarians for the day. I get my wish, in a way, when we step out of the elevator only to find ourselves in the center of a research area.

Krogan scientists, of all things, have Salarians strapped into machines at various stages of indoctrination. Every last one of them - Krogan and Salarian - starts shooting at us when we appear, and it's a pleasure to kill everyone in the room.

"OK, let's regroup for a minute here," Shepard says, stopping Tali and me before we leave the room to continue through the facility. "It's been a crappy enough day already, and God knows what's left in this hell hole, so take a second. Take a breath. I know you're both frustrated."

"You did the right thing down there, Shepard. That helps," Tali tells her confidently.

"Agreed. We couldn't leave them in cages to deal with the explosions, not when there was any chance." I shrug and add, "Even though some of them died anyway. What matters is the choices we made. Or, well, you made. You know what I mean."

I can tell she understands I'm referring to what happened with Dr. Saleon, what she taught me about choices and responding to other people's behavior, by the way she smiles and nods. We assure her that we're good to go, and Shepard seems better too, so we head through the doors and end up on a bridge guarded by a couple of Geth troopers. They go down easy, and we get to the other side, moving through a door into what looks like an office.

Things don't get much better inside with an Asari named Rana Thanopolis, helping us understand indoctrination a little better. Unfortunately, she also says that the mind control comes from Saren's ship, Sovereign, and that doesn't make a damn bit of sense. I notice Shepard glance at me when Rana tells us Saren is scared the indoctrination is starting to affect him, and I try not to be annoyed with myself for letting her get distracted by emotions. I try, and I fail.

"OK, Rana," Shepard tells the Asari calmly. "I'm gonna blow this place to hell and gone. If you want to make it out alive, you'd better start running now."

The Asari sputters for a moment, clearly shocked, before she runs screaming out through the way we came. Shepard tries to hide the little smirk on her face, but this time, she fails. "You enjoyed that, Commander," I tease her.

She flashes a wink that is far sexier than it has any business being and then motions for us all to head for the elevator. Rana said that it would take us to Saren's private lab, so we steel ourselves on the way. I have no idea what we're walking into...or if I'm prepared to face Saren in person yet.

We're released into an office on multiple floors that are connected by metal ramps. There are a number of machines and various consoles on both levels. All the tech doesn't surprise me; Saren was always into engineering and technology, so much that he encouraged my own interest. Something on the lower level catches my eye, and it takes me a moment, but then I realize I recognize it from the images on the reports from Eden Prime.

"Commander, check this out," I call to her. "It's another beacon."

Shepard and Tali follow me down the ramp, but the damn redhead keeps walking when we pause, heading right for the thing. "Shepard!" Tali cries out, realizing the same thing.

She turns around and actually appears confused; I almost laugh. "Shepard, have you forgotten what happened to you the last time you were close to one of these?"

"He's right, Shepard. We read the reports, and we really can't afford for you to pass out here," Tali chimes in.

Of course, Shepard barely pauses for a beat before waving her hand casually. "It's fine," she tells us as if she can see into the future. Or like she can't see what it would do to me - and to Tali - if something happened to her. "Just...stand back."

"Oh, we have to stand back because it might be dangerous, but she's fine," I quip, crossing my arms over my chest and taking a stubborn stance. "Makes perfect sense."

Shepard laughs and rolls her eyes at me. "You should consider a career change, big guy. Comedy is waiting for you."

Tali barks out a laugh, and I just shake my head at her, trying my hardest not to be sick with worry. I can tell that Shepard recognizes how nervous I am, and I know the little nod she gives me is supposed to be comforting. I'm not going to feel better until she gets the hell away from that beacon and doesn't look back.

She steps closer instead, and the thing springs to life, almost as if it recognizes her. At another time or with another person, I'd be fascinated by the response of the machine and the way it glows. Right now, I'm on the balls of my feet and ready for anything.

I hear her gasp and watch Shepard go ramrod straight, her entire body stiff and frozen like something has grabbed her. It's a split second before I react, and in that second, Shepard is released. She stumbles as I get to her, and I catch her easily, bringing her into my chest to keep her standing.

"Damn it," she growls, leaning into me.

"What? Did you see something?" Tali presses.

"I saw the same damn thing I always see. Nothing different, nothing more - just that vision of the war with the Protheans." She steps back from me a little and looks at the beacon with a glare now. "I have no idea what these things want me to see or what I'm missing."

She looks frustrated with the tech, but I can tell Shepard is really blaming herself. She feels like she's failing in some way that's preventing her from seeing or understanding more. It probably doesn't help that every time Liara digs around in her brain, they come up with nothing. Shepard is someone who needs to fix a problem, and this problem feels just out of reach, making her frustration tangible.

"We'll figure it out," I promise. "We keep working at it, we'll find the missing pieces and get answers."

Shepard hesitates for a second and then nods, choosing either to believe for me or actually believing me. I'm not asking questions.

"Hey, look. Something is happening with the main console." We join Tali and walk back up the ramp, going to the console at the very end of the platform.

As we approach, it lights up, and my stomach sinks when I recognize the image of Saren's ship, several feet long and glowing red. "This is not good," I mutter, assuming we've triggered some kind of alarm. The layout of this room doesn't provide a lot of good vantage points for fighting, so when Saren busts in here, we're going to need to act fast.

"You are not Saren," a deep, somewhat mechanical voice booms at us. It feels like it's coming from the image, not from the console.

"What the Spirits is that?" I demand, examining the console quickly for a way to turn it off. "Some kind of VI projection?"

Tali joins in beside me, also apparently confused. "I don't think so. It's not connected to the room - not in here anyway."

"Rudimentary creatures of blood and flesh," the image speaks. "You touch my mind, fumbling in ignorance, and incapable of understanding."

I straighten, totally taken aback, and turn to Tali, who - I think - looks just as shocked. Shepard laughs from behind us. "Whatever it is, it's very rude."

"There is a realm of existence so far beyond your own, you cannot even imagine it." The voice doesn't sound like a robot, the way the VIs on the Citadel or Normandy do. "I am beyond your comprehension. I am Sovereign."

"Oh, shit," Tali breathes, swearing in a common language for the first time as far as I know. In another moment, it might be funny.

"Jesus," Shepard mutters in the exact same tone. I'm not sure if that's a human swear word or not, but it feels oddly appropriate. "Sovereign isn't just a Reaper ship Saren found. It's an actual Reaper."

My mind had been headed in the same direction, but hearing the word sends my anxiety spiking, and I push Tali to back up with me, grabbing Shepard's arm on the way to pull her back and create some distance from the console. Shepard gives me a look, but I don't back down, raising my brow plates at her. "It feels like standing really close to the mind control machine might not be wise."

"Reaper," Sovereign repeats, spitting out the word. "A label chosen by the Protheans to give voice to their destruction. In the end, what they choose to call us is irrelevant. We simply are." The thing spends the next several minutes insulting us, insulting all organic species and even the now-extinct Protheans. It speaks in a somewhat cryptic way about a cycle, building organics up onto to destroy them again later and using the technology of the mass relays to control our evolution.

It speaks with finality as if everything that has happened and everything that is yet to come is simply inevitable.

"They're harvesting us," I realize, listening to Sovereign say that our existence is allowed by the Reapers, and our lifetime is finite. "They let us advance to the level they need and then wipe us out."

"What do you want from us?" Shepard asks it. "Slaves? Resources?"

"Our kind transcends your very understanding. We are each a nation, independent and free of all weakness," Sovereign responds. "You cannot even grasp the nature of our existence." Its tone tells me that it's spitting on the idea very idea of needing something from organics. All they want is our death, our total destruction.

"You had to come from somewhere. Did someone build you?" Tali asks. It doesn't surprise me that she's managing to think logically right now.

"We have no beginning, we have no end. We are infinite. Millions of years after your civilization has been eradicated and forgotten, we will endure."

"And you're doing all of this alone?" I ask it, determined that most of this is hubris. There is no way one machine can wipe out the galaxy, even with the help of a deranged Turian and the Geth.

Sovereign squashes that, too. "We are legion. The time of our return is coming. Our numbers will darken the sky of every world. You cannot escape your doom."

Now he's mostly just pissing me off, and I can feel Shepard getting angry beside me, too. She takes a bold step forward and stares the thing down with a glare that would melt anything that wasn't the projected image of a machine. "You're not even alive, not really. You're just a machine. And machines can be broken."

Pride swells in my chest. This woman backs down from nothing.

"Your words are as empty as your future." I can hear the anger rising in Sovereign's voice for the first time, as much as it might pretend to be unaffected by us. "I am the vanguard of your destruction."

With that, he's gone, and we're all just left staring at the empty space above the console.

There's a second of silence and then a blast from outside, the windows exploding in and sending shards of glass flying everywhere. I duck my head and slide behind both Tali and Shepard, trying to let most of the blow hit me since my armor is thicker. It settles quickly like nothing happened at all.

"Well, I did not like that guy," I announce, brushing glass off of me.

"Commander?" Joker's voice breaks over our comms. "We've got trouble!"

"He has no idea," Tali mumbles.

Shepard chuckles softly. "Hit me, Joker."

"That ship, Sovereign. It's moving. I don't know what you did down there, but that thing just pulled a turn that would shear any of our ships in half. It's coming your way, and it's coming hard. You need to wrap things up in there, fast!"

By the time Joker is done, we're already racing toward the elevator. "We're on our way to the facility. You just be ready to pick us up after we set off the nuke." Joker doesn't confirm, which is odd for him. Shepard must think so too because she calls his name again. "Joker? Joker, do you read me?"

"Garrus."

The voice that comes over our comms, that reaches our entire team, does not belong to our pilot or any other member of the Normandy. My feet stop cold, and my heart nearly does, too. Shepard stops just as quickly, turning to stare up at me.

I greet the voice and answer her unspoken question in one word: "Saren."

"Garrus, listen to me," Saren urges. "It doesn't have to be like this. Me and you, we've always been a team. I taught you everything you know, Pup."

The words feel like a smack in the face, but hearing him use a pet name reserved for family and the people closest to me is painful right down to my soul.

"Don't you dare." The words come out in barely a whisper, my voice caught in the torrent of emotions raging through me.

"There is so much more going on than you realize, Garrus, and you can be a part of it. We can - "

"Shut up," I snarl, my hands starting to shake as rage courses hot and heavy through me. "How could you think I'd be stupid enough to trust you after what you did?"

Saren laughs, the sound empty of humor and much harsher than any I've heard from him before. "What I did? Please. We both know you might have started this because of Nihlus, but now you can't see the truth because you're too tied up in that human. Probably literally, knowing you."

"Get him out of the comms," Shepard whispers to Tali. She rests her hand on my chest, and I know instantly that she's not upset about what he's said or who heard it...only that he's trying to hurt me.

"I see the truth, Saren," I assure the person I used to know on the other end, covering Shepard's hand with mine. "The truth is that you're a barefaced traitor, a scared little bitch who has to send Geth to do his dirty work and shoot real men in the back. The truth is that I will avenge Nihlus with a bullet in your head, and I'll look you in the fucking eye when I do it."

I hear a faint click over the pounding of my own heart, and Tali says over the comms, "I got him out."

"Back with us, Joker?" Shepard checks, her hand still under mine. I know she can feel the thunder in my chest, a growl combining with my rapid heartbeat. She doesn't comment on it.

"Yes, ma'am. I was there the whole time, he just had control," he tells us. "Good for you, big guy."

"Hell yeah," a voice I recognize as belonging to Ashley Williams chimes in, coming over loud and clear even with gunshots in the background. "That was badass, Vakarian. Way to tell him." Tali nods and slaps my shoulder before walking ahead of us to the elevator. It must have been something if even Ashley is praising me, but I don't share their celebratory mood.

"You OK?" Shepard asks, a twinkle in her eyes while she checks to make sure we're no longer active over the comms.

I take a breath and try to decide how to answer that. As always, I'm honest with her. "I...I don't know. I need to get this over with, get this place taken care of, and…" I catch her gaze and feel something spark back to life inside me. "Honestly? I need to bury myself inside you and forget today."

Her smile, shocked and pleased, nearly knocks the wind out of me.

"Then let's go get this done so we can make that happen, lover." She leans up on her toes while pulling me down by the carapace and presses a soft, quick kiss to my mandible before pulling away again and turning toward the elevator.

I pull my rifle into my hands, more than ready to kick some ass.

Fighting to get into the center of the facility and then to clear that area so the Normandy can bring in the bomb is one hell of an adventure. We might not make it without Tali and her AI hacking skills, even getting a Geth Destroyer to explode when we manage to keep the heat off of her for a moment. Finally, they're done for the moment, and the bomb is brought down on the ship.

The thing is massive.

It should scare the hell out of most of the galaxy that there is a top-secret, Council-funded group that can build something this dangerous from a ship drive they could find just about anywhere. At the moment, I'm just grateful they're on our side.

Ashley gets on the comms when we're about ready, waiting for my confirmation to let her, which impresses me. She's on her game today. "The bomb is in position. We're set here."

"Commander, can you read me?" Kaidan's voice breaks over the comms in response immediately.

"The nuke almost ready," I tell him, and the Salarian's that I know are on the radio. "Get to the rendezvous point, Alenko."

"Negative, Commander," he responds. The background is full of gunfire and shouting. "The Geth have us pinned down on the AA tower. We've taken heavy casualties. We'll never make the rendezvous point in time."

I instantly curse myself for letting any of them go, for letting this plan happen at all when I had a bad feeling about it from the beginning. "Joker, get them out of there! Now!"

"Negative," Kaidan interrupts again. "It's too hot! Can't risk it. We'll hold them off as long as we - "

I wait, realizing only after a moment of silence that the comm has cut off completely. "Alenko, do you read me?" I demand. Nothing. My heart nearly stalls in my chest. "Kaidan!"

A big hand comes down on my shoulder, firm and comforting while I try my best not to panic. "It's OK, Commander," Ashley pipes up. "We need a couple minutes to finish arming the bomb. Go get them and meet me back here."

I nod at her, grateful again for action instead of getting lost in my thoughts. I turn back to Garrus and Tali, who are right behind me and waiting eagerly. "Up to the AA tower. Move!"

The team races back with me the way we came, fighting through multiple Krogan warlords just to get to the elevator. At least none of them need to be fought hand-to-hand this time. The elevator takes us up to the top of the building and the open pathways connecting all the areas of the facility. Of course, the Geth are already up here, but I'll be damned if they keep me from getting to the AA tower.

We don't get far before a shadow falls over us, and we turn to watch a Geth dropship head right back to where we left Ashley with the bomb.

"Heads up, LT," Kaidan calls from over the comms. It's a relief to hear his voice again. "There's a Geth dropship headed your way."

"It's already here," Ashley responds, gunfire on both ends of the comms now. I hate being in the middle, not helping either of them right now. "Geth are pouring out all over the bomb site."

"Can you hold them off, Ash?" I ask her.

"There's too many, I don't think we can survive until you get here," she responds, her voice only just sounding like she's not panicking. There's a pause. "I'm activating the bomb."

"Shit," Garrus growls softly.

My stomach sinks right into my boots. "Williams, what the hell are you doing?"

"I'm just making sure this bomb goes off," she replies like it's the most normal thing in the world. "It's done, Commander. Go get Alenko and get the hell out of here." I think the scariest thing is how calm the Gunnery Chief sounds about all of this.

"No, Commander!" Kaidan protests urgently. "We can handle ourselves. Go back and get Ashley!"

Shit. It occurs to me then that I have a decision to make. With the Geth attacks on both ends, I'm not going to have time to save them both. I need to make a decision now, go to one of them, help one of them hold off the Geth. And whichever I don't get to…

We aren't all making it off Virmire alive.

For the second time, a heavy hand lays on my shoulder. The weight is instantly comforting, and I put my hands on the rail in front of me, trying to be rational. Tali's hand covers one of mine, and the two of them stand there, silent. They don't offer opinions that won't help, just give me their strength. And I need it to make the decision that I know is right.

"Alenko…" I say it slowly, testing my voice. "Radio Joker and tell him to meet us on the AA tower."

There's a pause, and Kaidan sounds surprised, defeated, when he answers, "Yes, Commander. I - "

"It's the right move, and you know it, LT," Ashley chimes in, calm and confident still. She's right, and I think she knew that would be the decision from the start.

"I'm sorry, Ash. I can't get you both."

"I understand, Skipper. I don't regret a thing." I hear a click and know Ash has turned off her comms, sparing all of us from hearing whatever happens down there next.

And I can't think about that right now, I can't think about the bomb going off. We still have work to do. I take one more breath before giving the order to move, and then it's a race to the AA tower again.

We get to the AA tower and walk directly into a fierce firefight, Geth swarming the Salarian units and Kaidan who are giving the fight all they've got. There's no hesitation on my part, and I'm not slowed down by having to give Tali or Garrus directions; they already know what I want from them.

We spread out to bolster all sides of the defense, Tali darting across the rooftop area to the far side where I watch her take cover near a couple Salarians with assault rifles. One gives her a look that Tali doesn't notice, or she'd probably shoot him. Instead, she gets to work on her Omni-Tool and proceeds to blow up a Geth Rocket Trooper that the Salarians had been struggling with. It gives me a good deal of satisfaction and pride when the Salarian's expression changes entirely, and he digs back in to fight at the Quarian's side.

Garrus moves right for the middle of the field because, of course, he does. He's following my direction not to play the hero, but he also knows just how much damage he can do with the right vantage point and his sniper rifle. I'm not even a little surprised to hear him give a few orders to the Salarians near him; my Turian might not realize it yet, but he's a born leader. I remember him saying that he'll teach me to love my body the way that he does; I'm going to have to return the favor by teaching Garrus to respect his talents the way I do.

The Salarians obey him, likely in part because he sounds so confident, but I don't doubt that his intimidating size - and the size of his rifle - has something to do with it. He only solidifies their confidence in him when he makes a perfect shot right through the flashlight face of a Geth trooper.

I take a position as well, not far from where I can see Kaidan and Kirrahe fighting alongside a few other Salarians. The biotic is doing what he's best at and relying on his natural talents; I've always been a little jealous of biotics who have always been biotic. They're much more in control than I have ever felt. It's not entirely my fault since I was only exposed on the Batarian ship when I was seventeen, so I'm substantially behind someone like Kaidan who is both older than me and was born biotic.

When facing Geth, though, you need firepower more than biotic blasts. My assault rifle in one hand, my pistol in the other, I settle in for some cowboy action and start to systematically blast through the robots in our way of escaping the blast. It must be freeing, in a way, to be a machine and not actually have to care if you blow up when a nuclear device goes off. The Geth can fight like this because they aren't afraid of losing their lives.

Of course, if there is anything I've learned between Mindoir and slavery and Akuze, it's that someone with everything to lose with fight harder. Right now, the advantage is ours.

If the bomb blows while we're here plugging at Geth, my entire team will die. No one will pick up the torch to fight Saren, I'm sure, since the Council is blind to the extent of the threat. The mission will fail entirely if we don't survive this.

And the galaxy will lose nearly seven feet of gorgeous Turian sniper that I refuse to imagine the universe without. No way am I letting him down.

With a three-pronged effort, we turn things around and take the offensive. The Geth can't keep up with the number of guns on them, and Tali's tricks are creating as much panic as I've ever seen in a robot. We're finally making a break in their ranks, so much that I'm considering calling the Normandy in to start our evacuation when a bullet comes flying from behind my head and explodes into the cement barrier I've been taking cover behind.

I roll over my back to seek out the enemy, and my heart sinks into my gut when I see the shooter.

Saren is standing on a hoverboard of sorts, armed to the teeth and glowing with either biotics or shields or both - for as little sense as that makes. He glares at me while floating right over my head and then lands in the middle of the fight, cocky as hell. The Geth stop firing, many of them making a retreat, and I'm certain it's on order, but I can't tell who the order is from - Saren or Sovereign.

I can tell Saren wants me, wants Garrus, wants to fight us, so I catch Kirrahe's eye and signal for him to round up his men. We might be able to distract Saren enough to get some of them out of here.

"Shepard, I barely recognize him," I hear Garrus breathe over the comms. I know that he's telling me so that I have an idea of just how far gone Saren is, now that we know we need to be worried about Saren indoctrinating him. But I can also hear the pain in his deep voice, and I know he's telling me because he's freaked out by the differences in his old friend.

"This has been an impressive diversion, Shepard," Saren calls out, no longer trying to use our comm system at least.

"Should have known he'd be the type to monologue," I mutter, Joker laughing back over the radio.

"My Geth were utterly convinced the Salarians were the real threat," Saren continues, oblivious to the commentary. "Of course, your efforts were for nothing. I can't let you disrupt what I have accomplished here. You can't possibly understand what's really at stake."

I take a deep breath and calm my anger, my concern. It's worth trying to know what makes Saren tick if we can get him to see the light. "Make me understand. Why are you doing this?" I call back to him.

"You've seen the vision from the beacons, Shepard. You, of all people, should understand what the Reapers are capable of," he responds, voice tense and tight. "They cannot be stopped."

Garrus scoffs. "This coming from someone who taught me that no enemy was so great that you should surrender. Ever." I catch him glance at me and nod to make sure he knows I'm OK with him interjecting. I want his input, here more than ever.

"This is different, Garrus. Do not mire yourself in pointless revolt, do not sacrifice everything for the sake of petty freedoms." I have to frown at that, lost at the idea of freedom being petty.

Saren is convinced, though. He's certain that the Reapers are going to destroy all of us just like they did the Protheans and that the only hope for anyone organic is if he sides with the Reapers. He's sure that Sovereign will save him. We learn as well that the Geth worship the Reapers as the pinnacle of their evolution, that they consider Sovereign a sort of god.

He wants us to work with the Reapers. He wants to convince us that subservience, that slavery is better than death. No one is buying it, and Garrus' reaction tells me that this sort of thing from Saren makes no sense.

Saren starts to rant that the only reason he hasn't been indoctrinated is that Sovereign needs him to find the Conduit. He doesn't seem to understand that we find that concerning. "You have already been indoctrinated, Saren!" Garrus snaps at him. "Sovereign is manipulating you, and you don't even know it. You're already under its power."

"Damn it, Garrus, aren't you listening? This is my only hope."

"No, it's not. Stand with us, Saren," I urge him, trying to get a look from around the wall without getting shot at. Saren is pacing quickly, clearly distraught. "Together, we can stop Sovereign. We don't have to submit to the Reapers. We can beat them!"

Saren's voice is soft when he responds. "I no longer believe that Shepard. The visions cannot be denied. The Reapers are too powerful - the only way to survive is to join them. If I can prove my value, I become a resource worth maintaining."

Garrus loses whatever remaining cool he had. "When did you become so damn selfish?" he shouts. "You were a Spectre, you became one because you wanted to defend the galaxy. Now you've broken that vow, you've betrayed Palaven, and you've murdered family to save yourself!"

"I am not doing this for myself!" Saren snarls back, definitely taking that one personally. "Don't you see, Garrus? Sovereign and the Reapers will succeed, it's inevitable. My way is the only way that any of us will survive! I am forging an alliance between organics and machines that will save more lives than have yet to exist!"

I can hear him becoming more hysterical and duck back behind the wall again, fairly certain this is about to escalate.

"But you, Shepard," he growls, proving me right. "Shepard, you would undo my work. You would doom our entire civilization to complete annihilation. And for that, you must die."

A bright blue light - one that doesn't seem entirely biotic but isn't a bullet either - comes flying at me and crashes into the cement barrier hard enough to make it shake. If he hits me or anyone else with one of those shots, it's going to hurt. We all keep tight to cover while fighting back, now shooting against Saren and the remaining Geth. He gets back onto his floating board, which makes that much harder, quickly dodging bullets and blasts.

I know I need to get him off that damn thing and start to focus my shots on it. It takes a few shots, but finally, the board is knocked out from under his feet. Saren tumbles to the ground.

It doesn't happen soon enough, though; Saren got off a good shot too and hits me - hard. I lose my senses for a moment but recognize that I'm flying only to have everything thrown back into reality sharply when I hit the ground on my back. The force knocks my gun from my hand, and I hear the metal scattering away before I can focus my vision. When things come back into focus, it's in time for my heart to nearly stall.

Saren is all but on top of me, and he reaches me before I can respond, wrapping a huge and taloned hand around my throat. He lifts me straight off the ground by my neck, and then my feet are lifted again. With two rapid strides, the son of a bitch has me hanging by the throat off a ledge, and panic surges inside me. It occurs to me that he could kill me any number of ways; the size of his hand and the force of his arm could let him snap my neck pretty easily, those talons could stab right into my throat, or...he could just let go. So simple, so good for him to finish all of his.

I try to get my fingers between his hand and my throat, but he's not budging, and kicking at him isn't doing a thing. It's slowly getting harder to breathe, and I don't realize until then that he's steadily tightening his grip to choke me.

My eyes dart up to his, and I hear myself gasp. His eyes are blue, bright, and icy. They aren't the same shade as the blue eyes I know so well, and they aren't nearly as piercing, but the familiarity strikes me. Garrus puts his big, terrifyingly strong hand around my throat, and I get damn hot. Saren doing it feels like a cheap imitation, like he's daring to try and steal the beauty of that intimacy from me.

And I'll be damned if I'm going to let him.

I put up a renewed fight, trying my hardest to kick him and thrashing to try and break his hold on my throat. It might be fruitless, but there's no way I'm letting him have this one easily. Saren bares his sharp teeth at me, and I prepare for pain. He yelps instead, and I can feel something slam into him, though I don't see the source.

I don't have time to consider it because Saren releases me when he starts to fall, and I have to scramble for the edge of the building to keep from falling.

"Shepard!" I hear Garrus scream, his voice cracking with fear. That scares the hell out of me, and I try to find a foothold before I fall. Saren scrambles to his feet and grabs his gun before running, right back to that damn board of his. I see Tali and Garrus coming and hope that they'll get him, but they're both aiming right for me.

Considering the way my arms are burning with the effort to stay up, I can't really be mad. Tali grabs my hands to help pull, but Garrus reaches past her and grabs the back of my armor. Yet again, I'm lifted off the ground - this time, to safety.

Saren is flying away already. "Damn it," I growl, disappointed in myself for being that close to him and letting him get away.

"He doesn't matter," Garrul growls, grabbing me by the shoulders and turning me to face him. I can the Normandy arriving, but I find myself trapped by impossibly blue eyes.

"Shepard! Are you alright?" Kaidan demands, running toward us.

"I'm fine."

Garrus doesn't seem inclined to take my word for it, slipping his thumbs under my chin so that he can tilt my head back and get a look at my throat. I let him angle my head and move it however he wants, letting myself be calmed by familiar hands so that by the time he's satisfied I'm unharmed, my heart rate is much closer to normal, and I can breathe again.

He doesn't let me go right away, and I don't even consider telling him to. We're about to board the ship without Saren and without Ashley; even if the facility is destroyed, it feels like we failed today, and someone is going to die for this. My heart aches, and all I want to soothe it is Garrus. I can tell he sees that, and I watch him give me a nod, promising to be there for me. Like always.

For now, he releases me, and I nod to myself, ready to get the rest of us out of here.

"On the ship. Let's go." My voice has none of the conviction it usually does, even I can hear that. They all listen to me anyway, including the Salarian team that will have to board our ship since there's is now part of the bomb. "Joker...get us out of here."

Instead of continuing to follow the crew away from the cockpit and the airlock, I stay and watch the ship gain distance from the planet. My stomach is in a knot, and my chest hurts; if we hit turbulence, I'm certain things will get messy up here. I try not to imagine Ashley's last moments while she waits for the bomb to go off.

"Ah shit, Shepard. You don't have to watch," Joker murmurs when he catches my reflection in the window. I don't look at him, not ready to watch that pity.

"I've got her."

The chocolately voice comes with strong arms that wrap around me from behind, wrapping across my chest to grab my other shoulder and folding me into him so I have a solid wall, a breathing force of strength, on my six. This isn't pity, it's solidarity. And it gives me what I need to stand there and say a prayer to the god Ashley believed in that she finds peace in knowing she died a hero.

We've gotten some distance by the time the bomb goes off, but the blast still rocks the ship. I don't move at all, encased in Turian and safe from even an explosion. It's a heady thing at the moment, and I take another moment to bask before nodding so that Garrus knows I'm OK, and he can release me.

When I realize the others are close and can see him holding me, it doesn't even occur to me that it might be an issue. I can feel the memories of Akuze at the back of my mind, the nightmares from Mindoir threatening to grab me while I'm awake. If I need Garrus to help me hold those back, that should be of no concern to anyone else.

"Ten minutes and then debrief in the comm room." It's an order they're used to, the standard after a big mission. Only this time, we're missing someone. I watch them all go to their designated places.

"What do you need, kid?" Garrus asks softly from behind me.

I take a breath and look up at him. "Will you come with me? I just want to get out of my armor and sit for a moment."

"Of course."

I nod and start toward my quarters before Joker calls, "Hey, Shepard?" I turn back to the pilot, who is carefully pushing himself up out of his chair. He crosses the bridge and moves to stand in front of me, but then just pulls off his hat to scratch his head instead of doing or saying anything. "That sucked ass."

A laugh explodes from me, Joker probably the only person who could make me laugh right now. "Yeah, yeah, it did."

"Yeah. I just...you did the right thing. You have some really tough, really shitty calls to make these days. You know, on mission and off." He eyes me, and I know he's talking about Garrus, too. "I don't know how you manage, Shep, but you always do. Ashley thought so, too."

A genuine smile feels really good right now. "Thanks, Joker." I wish I could give him more right now, but I need to conserve what little emotional energy I have left. The debrief waits, and eventually, I'll have to talk to the Council. Joker doesn't seem to mind, and he smiles when I pat his shoulder.

I turn and start back toward my room. "You holding up alright, big guy?" I hear Joker ask Garrus from behind me. "You had a hell of a day, too." I'd nearly forgotten that Saren had the balls to hack our comms and try to get Garrus to turn on me. Ashley's death distracted me, which isn't unreasonable, but Garrus' day was just as tough.

One of his closest friends tried to strangle me off the side of a cliff.

"I'm choosing to focus on her," is Garrus' response, though I wonder if I'm supposed to hear that. It's honorable and sweet - and so very Garrus - but I'm not letting that happen. For now, I have to let it go, and Garrus catches up to slip into my quarters just after I do.

We only have a few minutes, but it's enough time to get out of my armor. Garrus seems to have the same idea, starting on his chest plate as soon as he sits in the chair beside me. His armor gets stacked much more neatly than mine, which is just so very Turian of him. He gets done first too and then leans down, smacking my hands away so that he can remove my boots; he knows that I don't prefer to wear them on the ship.

I don't have the energy to stop him, and I feel really grateful. The gesture doesn't feel small at all. I reach forward and run my hand back over his fringe gently, not with the intent to start something, but just because I want to be touching him. Garrus leans into the touch and looks up at me. His face falls when he glances at my throat, and I imagine it's bruised.

His hand covers the front of my throat, and this time I lean into the touch, reveling in the soft feel of the leather and the gentle rumble that starts deep in Garrus' chest. He releases me and stands, reaching down to pull me up by the hand. I obey and follow him to my bed. Garrus sits with his back to my pillows and motions for me to climb onto his lap. It's easily the best idea I've heard all day, and I happily sit across his thighs, my hand falling onto his shoulder and Garrus' arms coming around me.

We stay there the whole time, not talking and not moving. There's not much to say right now. This is what I need, and I think Garrus feels the same. Joker gives us a warning that we need to get to the comm room, and I feel his mouth plates brush the top of my head. "Ready for this, kid?"

"No," I answer honestly. "Think anyone will notice if I just don't show up?"

"Nah, you're not important." I laugh, grateful for it, and smack his chest playfully. Garrus chuckles softly while I stand and then follows me.

I'm feeling a little better. More solid, at least. Nothing has changed, and I still have a horrible feeling about talking to the Council, but getting a few minutes of quiet with my best friend restored some of my energy. It lets me walk into the Comm Room with my head up, prepared to get my team through this. We still have a mission; Ashley would have been first to remind me of that.

There's a job to be done. I'm not about to let this team down.