I stay at the Commander's side when we head into the Comm Room, where the rest of the team has just arrived. Most of them are sitting, but I get on high alert when I realize that Alenko is pacing the room. Shepard gets barely a couple steps into the room before he whirls on her, face flushed.

"How could we just leave her down there, Shepard?" It just about explodes from him. He's been dwelling on this for the last ten minutes for sure. I take my usual seat between Wrex and Liara, the Krogan giving me a look that confirms he's just as on edge as I am about Alenko.

After what we've all been through, I'll be damned if I let that punk-ass little human make this even harder on Shepard.

Shepard handles herself, of course, and takes a deep breath before she answers him. "Ashley knew the risks going on," she tells him - tells all of us, really. "She gave her life to save the rest of us."

I hear Liara take a shaky breath from beside me, and Tali gives a nod from across the circle, all of us on Shepard's side. She had a horrible decision to make, one with no real good choice. But she made the right one; the bomb wouldn't have gone off if we got Ashley out of there.

And I would never go so far as to say Ashley and I were friends, but I knew her well enough to know that she considered her service an honor. Whatever Ashley is now, she's proud of herself, and it's well deserved.

We can all see that. All of us except Alenko. It's a wonder the guy can manage to walk with a foot constantly in his mouth.

"Commander, I…" He does that damn rubbing his neck thing. "I have to know. Did you spare me because of us? Because of what we have?"

It's like a smack in the face, hearing Alenko even suggest that he and Shepard have something. I have to look away, my vision going red, and it takes everything I have to control the growl building in my chest. Not only is he still pursuing my girl, but he's got the balls to suggest Shepard would let her personal feelings influence a decision - a decision as serious as someone's life. I could destroy the little bastard for that; I want to.

Before I have to bother, Shepard reminds me that she doesn't need me to fight her battles.

"You have got to be kidding me, Alenko," she snaps at him. I can just about see the steam coming from her ears. "If I need to be blunt with you, I will. There is not now, there has never been, and there never will be an us. You got a problem with a decision that I make for my crew, you're more than welcome to get the hell off my ship, but I am not going to let you martyr yourself when Ashley deserves to be recognized as a hero. Now sit your ass down and shut up."

Tali coughs, and I am certain that she's trying to cover up a laugh while Alenko throws himself into a chair like a child that just got spanked.

I have to shift in my own seat, decidedly not above thinking about getting that power from Shepard underneath me...or across my knee for a spanking of her own.

"Commander, excuse me for interrupting." I silently praise the Spirits for Liara's interruption before I end up with a raging hard-on.

"Go ahead, Liara," Shepard assures the Asari, much calmer already.

"I have an idea. I think the beacon you found in Saren's base was similar to the one you found on Eden Prime. It may fill in the missing piece of your vision. I might be able to help you put all those pieces together," Liara explains, wringing her hands.

Because today wasn't bad enough already. Now I have to watch Shepard do something incredibly intimate with someone else.

Shepard's frustrated sigh makes me feel at least a little bit better about it since she isn't thrilled either. She agrees to do it, though, and I choose not to watch. "Incredible," Liara breathes after a moment, signaling that I'm safe to look up again.

"Did the vision make any sense to you?" Shepard presses, rubbing her forehead while Liara sways a little. That feeling is one of the many reasons I don't like joining, and I'd never try it standing.

"It was a distress call, a message sent out across the Prothean Empire. A warning against the Reapers, but...but the warning came too late."

"What about the Conduit?" Tali asks.

Liara shakes her head a little, her gaze kind of far off like she's thinking back through the images. "There were other images...locations. Places I recognize from my research." Her head snaps up all of a sudden, and she all but shouts, "Ilos! The Conduit is on Ilos. That's why Saren needed to find the Mu Relay, it's the only way to get there."

I can see the relief on Shepard's face that something has finally come of these visions. She nods and states, "So we need to go to Ilos."

Only a human could say that so casually.

"Shepard, the Mu Relay is inside the Terminus Systems," Tali informs our Commander. "Alliance ships are not welcome there."

"Neither are Spectres," Wrex chimes in.

"The Conduit is on Ilos. That's where Saren is heading, and we're going to be waiting for him when he gets there," Shepard responds.

I almost laugh because I could have predicted exactly what she was going to say.

Liara is much less into the idea. She sounds downright scared when she says, "Saren will have his entire fleet orbiting Ilos. We'll never make it to the surface without reinforcements."

I can see Shepard starting to consider that, but I'm not about to let her get derailed; I like the single-minded and slightly reckless Shepard far too much. "We need a fleet," I note, leaning back in my chair. Shepard eyes me, and I shrug. "The Council has a fleet."

"I like the way you think, big guy."

Before anyone has an opportunity to take that any further, Liara sways violently, and Shepard has to catch her. "You need to go see Chakwas."

"No, no, I just...I need to rest."

"That's fine. You're all dismissed."

"Hey, Commander, there's a comm buoy nearby. I can link us in if you want to report back to the Council. You know, to warn them about the Reapers before it's too late."

Shepard gives a short chuckle. "Gee, Joker, why didn't I think of that? Go ahead and link me in."

I stand with the rest of the crew and start to make my way out, hoping that Shepard will ping me on my Omni-Tool for some company later. Right now, I just want to be around her.

"Garrus, wait."

I freeze immediately, half because she called my name and in part because Alenko is still standing close enough to hear it. He pauses and looks back, first at me and then at Shepard. I watch his face flush before he marches off, angry enough to make it clear that he wasn't listening when Shepard shut him down just a few minutes ago.

At least with him gone, I can turn back to Shepard. It surprises me to see that she looks a little nervous, but she clears her throat and looks up at me with bright green eyes ."Would you...mind going to my quarters? Waiting for me there?"

"I was hoping you'd ask," I admit. The smile she gives me, almost surprised, tugs on my heart, and I step closer. I can hear that we're alone, but I'm careful for her sake, only reaching out to touch her jaw.

"I'll be in as soon as I'm done here. I don't have the energy for rounds tonight."

She says it almost like she's disappointed in herself for that. "No one can blame you for that, Shepard."

"Yeah, well. Make yourself at home. You're welcome to take a shower if you want."

Now I can't resist any longer. I slip my other hand around her waist and tug Shepard against me while pushing the hand on her jaw into her hair, fisting the silky strands to pull her head back and expose her throat. She gasps, and I wait - I always wait - for her to signal that it's OK. When her hands settle softly on my waist, I can't help a smile. "I'll wait for you."

"I was hoping you'd say that," she breathes.

"Sorry, guys. Council is waiting." Joker has the absolute worst timing, but in this case, I know that he's right, and it's probably for the best - before I end up taking Shepard right here. I'm aching to be close to her right now, and I know that she's anxious to feel close, so it's for the best that I get away.

I only have the courage to dare a kiss to her forehead in such a public place before releasing her and finding the willpower to leave the room. It helps more than a little knowing that I'm heading for her quarters, waiting for her there. Of course, the moment I get near the Mess Hall, I realize that I won't be heading there as quickly as I'd like.

"How is the Commander holding up, Garrus?" Liara asks from the table. She's sitting with Tali and Wrex; I'm relieved at least that Alenko isn't here. It's probably the only reason I'm willing to slow down and answer.

"She's stronger than anyone else I know, that's for damn sure," I answer, jerking one shoulder. I don't want to tell them how broken Shepard seemed earlier; even more than I'd feel bad for divulging something private, it feels like those moments are just for us. I know it's a privilege to be the only one who sees Shepard at those times, so I won't abuse that honor.

"Damn right," Wrex growls, lifting his beer to me in a show of support.

Tali turns toward me. "You're going to stay with her tonight, right?" she asks. I know the question is innocent, and she's only worried about Shepard. It still makes my chest feel tight, though. Tali must see something in my expression because she corrects, "I just mean that I'm worried about both of you, Garrus. You should be there for each other after such a tough day."

"Thanks, Tali. And yeah, I'm gonna stay with her." For as long as she'll have me anyway.

"The humans I've known eat when they're upset," Liara informs me. "They eat a lot when they're upset, actually. Maybe take snacks?"

"Oh! Shepard ate a bunch of whatever that ice cream stuff is the last time she was...well, last time she was upset." I know from the way Tali trails off and then looks away that she's talking about the last time Shepard was upset because of me. But it gives me a good idea anyway. I thank them both and head for the kitchen, grabbing a couple things I know Shepard likes and finding something marked as ice cream in the freezer.

Why would humans eat something this cold? They're masochists, I swear.

With a couple beers tucked into my elbow, I feel prepared for whatever Shepard might need tonight and head into her quarters. I'm her best friend, and this is my duty...even if today was one of the hardest, crappiest days of my life.

I put everything on the table and collapse into one of the chairs just as Saren's face comes to mind. I barely recognized him; if that guy walked past me in a crowd on the Citadel, I never could have picked him out at the Turian who taught me how to handle a sniper rifle. And that look in his eyes...shit.

I thought I'd been prepared for today, for eventually coming face to face with Saren and taking him down. I don't have any qualms about it, and I'm confident in my core that it needs to happen. I just didn't think it would feel so much like losing another friend to this whole thing. I've been so pissed at him, so hurt for what he did to Nihlus. But now, knowing that he's going to end up a mindless slave to a machine...I should have protected him sooner.

For about the millionth time over the past months, I wish that Nihlus were here. Or that I could reach him at least. He'd know what to do, what to say. About Saren, about my future now that I quit C-Sec...about Shepard. I'm a grown man, and no one has ever made my decisions for me, but sometimes I still feel entirely unmoored without Nihlus' advice.

The only person who has ever known me as well as he did is Shepard. And opening up to her carries risks that I can't afford to deal with right now. I'm not prepared to lose her, too.

As if the universe knows how badly I need to see her, the doors to her quarters slide open, and the fiery redhead marches in. At a glance, I know that Shepard isn't broken anymore. Now, she's pissed.

Just once, I'd like to come away from a conversation with the Council and feel like something other than an incompetent fool. They never listen. I'm a token alien with a gun for them, and it's absurd. If anything, the Council hinders my ability to do my job as Spectre.

For a full minute after the call ends, I stand in the middle of the comm room. It's not until my hands start to ache from how tightly they're balled into fists that I snap out of it. "Joker, please remind me why I shouldn't just kill the Council?"

"Umm," the pilot responds over the comms, drawing out the end of the world. "Oh, I know. Because they sign your paychecks, and it's more than the Alliance pays."

"How the hell do you know what I make?" I put up my hand right after saying it even though he can't see me. "You know what? Don't answer that. It's better if I don't know." He laughs over the speaker, and I manage a smile, but it's not totally genuine. I'm still too angry, too frustrated for that.

It's not going to be worth smashing my head against the wall speaking to the Council again, so I leave and hope that Garrus is already in my quarters. If nothing else, I can vent honestly to him - something I wouldn't do with anyone else on the crew, so I do my best to put on a strong face when I see Tali, Wrex, and Liara in the Mess Hall.

"I'm on your side if you decide to kill those bastards on the Council," Wrex notes, evidently reading right through my Commander mask.

"I'll let you know," I promise, grateful that it's just the three of them so I can continue on my path. All I want is to get into my quarters, get into a shower, and get into bed. All of that with Garrus.

"Shepard." I pause when Tali calls my name, only because she sounds urgent. The Quarian is standing when I turn around. "You should know that Garrus took the kill shot."

"What?"

Tali nods and continues, "He took the kill shot with Saren when he had you by the throat. A Geth hit him at the last moment, so the shot slipped, but...Garrus had every intention to kill Saren. Right then."

"Of course he did," Liara chimes in. "I don't think anyone should expect to survive threatening you in front of Garrus."

Wrex grunts his approval. "Krogan may find more reasons to fight, but Turians get even more territorial than we do. Especially about their mates."

I blanch at that, but it fades almost instantly, overpowered by what they're telling me. First of all, if not for some damn dumb Geth, we could be done with Saren today. That just annoys me; my luck has always been something of a disaster. But more importantly, Garrus was prepared to kill one of his oldest friends himself, to make the kill shot and do the honors.

I know how much that would hurt him. I could see the pain in his eyes all day today. But Garrus was going to do it for me.

"Thanks, guys," I offer to them, restarting my path to my quarters. "Spread the word that we're taking 24-hour shore leave. And do not disturb me for anything short of a miracle or a Reaper."

Goddamn Council. Fucking Saren. Oh, and that uber shit bag Sovereign.

The doors to my quarters whoosh open just as I realize I've gotten myself worked up again. I'm greeted instantly by nearly seven feet of gorgeous Turian with impossibly blue eyes. He straightens when I come in, but it's attraction and not a salute. I love the way his interest in me feels.

"Yikes. Council was that bad?"

Of course, he'd be able to read everything as if it were written on my forehead. "Didn't listen to a single word I said and still don't believe the Reapers are a threat. Or really that they exist at all. They're going to consider helping us out on Ilos, whatever the hell that means."

"Probably that they're all going home to jerk off and feel self-important," he quips.

I don't mean to laugh, and part of me hates him for being able to make me laugh when I want to be angry, but I appreciate the way the knot in my stomach starts to loosen a little. Garrus smiles and then shifts in his seat before opening his arms to me. There's nothing in me that wants to hesitate or gives any consideration to whether I should need to be consoled. Screw that.

I cross the room quickly, kicking off my boots on the way and leaving them where they fall. When I reach Garrus, I straddle his lap and rest my knees on the seat at either side of his hips. Instead of embracing him, I tuck my arms in between us and rest my head on his chest, under his chin where I fit remarkably well. Garrus' arms come around me, caging me with strength and warmth, so his hands can rub slow circles on my back.

His hands are huge, just one of his palms covering what feels like half my torso. They're hot, too. Like heating pads on my spine and all the tense muscles back there. I don't know if it's the warmth of being tucked safely inside something so big, but I can feel myself start to relax almost immediately. "I used to hate feeling vulnerable, ya know," I admit, just about melting on this Turian's lap.

"Vulnerable can be fun," he responds with a chuckle that vibrates through his chest. "But I'd rather you feel safe right now."

"I do," I assure him. "I always feel safe with you. But being safe with someone is vulnerable for me. Besides, I'm aware that you could snap me in half if you wanted to." He laughs harder this time, and it makes me smile more genuinely than Joker could. I finally notice the table covered in snack foods. "What is all that?"

"I let the other non-humans on the crew convince me that humans eat a lot when they've had a bad day. Specifically, something way too cold to digest called ice cream."

I laugh hard enough that I have to sit up. "Well, the other non-humans did not steer you wrong. Humans do eat our feelings. Maybe after a shower, though, OK?"

"Whatever you need, Shepard," he promises, hands tightening just a little where they sit on my thighs.

"Alright, then I have a very random question for you. Why do some people call you Pup?" I choose not to mention that I heard it today from Saren. The only other person I've heard call him that was Nihlus, and I'm not sure whether the name will elicit a good reaction at the moment, but it's a question I've had almost the entire time I've known him.

He laughs and rolls his eyes dramatically. I know that he picked up that human gesture from me, but it's damn cute on him. "You really want to hear this story?"

"Yes! Especially now that I know there's a story."

"Fine." He exhales hard, but I can tell that he's not actually under any duress. "When I was a kid - I think around five since Solana was a baby - my oldest brother, Dex, was going out with some of his friends. They were getting ready to go into military school, so they were sparring and racing and whatever. I found out that Nihlus and my other brother were allowed to go, even though they were closer to my age. I got pissed, started demanding that they take me, too."

"Oh, my God. Someday I need pictures of you as a baby," I inform him. "And please tell me that somewhere there are embarrassing vids of you."

"You are never allowed to meet my sister," he informs me plainly, eyeing me suspiciously. "Also, hush if you want to hear the rest of the story." I can feel a flush start on my chest when I think about the last time Garrus told me to hush...and I don't hate the idea of him telling me like that again. "I see that look, Shepard, don't you worry. I have plans for you."

"Why the hell did I want this story?" He laughs, the deep rumbling moving through me because of how close we're sitting. "OK, but I do still want to hear it. Baby Garrus, whining about being left out. And then what?"

"Baby Garrus," he grumbles, baring his teeth at me just a little. I know it's playful, but I really wish it didn't make me so damn hot. "Anyway...one of my brother's friends said something like, 'you can't bring him, he's just a pup.' To make a long story short, I dusted all of them when we raced. From then on, they were calling me Pup. And because Nihlus was in school and training with me, other people heard, and it's stuck over time."

"Does everyone call you that?"

"Definitely not. It's reserved for my family and close friends."

I can't help but ask, even if the question makes me nervous. I fiddle with the clasp on his shirt while I manage, "So...if I wanted to call you that…?"

Garrus gives a soft hum and leans forward just enough to nuzzle his face under my chin. His breath is hot and ghosts over my throat, sending chills down my spine. "You most definitely qualify to call me that." He nips gently at my neck, and a gasp escapes me. "But if I get a say, I really like the names you already call me."

"I know you do, big guy." It's still nice to know he considers me close enough to let me. As close to him as Saren once was. I have to shake that thought off quickly before going right back down into the black hole that today has become in my mind.

I don't get it clear fast enough to keep Garrus from noticing. He bumps my nose with his and kisses me briefly, the move unbearably sweet and just on the safe side of overwhelming. Only just though, because I can feel my throat going to tight with tears threatening. "What do you need, kid?"

"A distraction," I answer, quickly and easily. "And you." That answer is even more honest, but it's not as easy to admit it. I need him, and part of me hates it.

"You have me."

He says it like an absolute vow, and I'm certain that I'm going to end up crying if he doesn't stop that. Fortunately, Garrus takes pity on me and stands, lifting me with no effort. I wrap my arms around his neck and drop my head to his shoulder, inhaling that sun-warmed metal scent and absorbing his heat to try and keep the pain at bay.

I can still hear Ashley's voice in my head, and my mind decides to be as cruel as possible, reminding me of everyone else I've lost. I hear the bathroom door open and only then realize that I've squeezed my eyes shut. "Someone has to tell her family. I have to notify Hackett and then...then someone has to tell her mom. Her sisters."

My voice cracks. Ashley loved her sisters, probably more than she loved anyone in the world. I remember what that love was like, how much Jake meant to me. I remember having to adjust to life without him, and my heart aches for the remaining Williams girls.

"I know. You can worry about that in the morning, it's too late on Earth now anyway." I'm not going to object to that. Garrus sets me down on the sink and pulls my arms from around his neck so that he can stand. "Stay here," he tells me, not an order but a request like I'm a small child.

Garrus moves away from me, and I watch him, part of my brain registering the fluid motions of his body while he starts the hot water and then begins to strip down.

The rest of my brain is quickly becoming clouded. Memories from today - the shouting and the gunshots, Saren's hands around my throat, Ashley's final words, Sovereign's bleak warning - are starting to meld with earlier memories. The stuff of my nightmares. It's been years since I could separate Mindoir and Akuze in my mind. I can't separate the smell of my home planet burning from the odor of the thresher maw acid; I can't tell which screams are from my family and which ones belong to my teammates.

All of those memories belong to people that I failed. People who are dead because I didn't protect them. Today will just be more fuel for the nightmares. More reminders of my failures and the lives that I've cost.

"Ah, Elle." Garrus' voice is soft and broken, pulling me out of the dark reverie. I don't realize until his thumbs brush my cheeks that I'm crying and my heart all but stops. "Can I undress you?"

I nod, finding my throat too tight for me to speak, but I'm still desperate to be close to him. Garrus slips his hands under my shirt to pull it up, letting his palms slide over my waist as he goes. I know that the touch isn't meant to be sexual, not right now, just soothing. And it works.

He takes the same care in removing the rest of my clothes, moving quickly enough that I don't get cold without rushing through it so much that it feels methodical and emotionless. He's far from emotionless, his sadness pouring through in gentle touches. After he tosses my clothes away to join his, Garrus pulls me into the safe circle of his arms and walks backward until we're both standing under the hot stream of water.

He holds me for a long moment, just letting me soak in all the heat, before turning me away from him. I see his hand reach for my shampoo, and a moment later, his talons are scratching my scalp in the most blissful way. A moan escapes me, and I have to flatten my palms against the cool metal wall just to keep from falling.

"I have absolutely no idea what I'm doing," Garrus admits, his voice soft. "I've only ever actually seen you do this up close once."

"It's perfect," I manage through the haze building in my mind. I feel the tension fading from my whole body, melting and whirling down the drain with the hot water and soap.

"OK good because I also have no idea when to stop or what to do next." Laughing only helps more, but I let Garrus continue for another minute before straightening to rinse the shampoo from my hair before conditioning. "Why are there two soaps? And why doesn't that soap bubble?"

"God, you're painfully adorable. The second one isn't soap, it's...it's just something extra for thick and curly hair. Like mine." Garrus nods like he understands and watches me for a few moments.

I reach for my body wash, and Garrus catches my arm to stop me, reaching past me to take the bottle and then tugging me up against him. "This part, I know how to do."

Even if I wanted to object, any rational thought escapes me when all at once, his hands are everywhere. Soft leather under hard muscle gliding all over me, taking care to knead out every knot he finds. I'm putty in an instant, slumping into him.

It's impossible not to notice his cock throbbing between us, but Garrus is studiously ignoring it, not groping me with any of the opportunities he has. His hands and this treatment is one hell of a distraction, and I melt against him, enjoying the feel of his hard body against my back just as much as his hands. Pressing against him changes Garrus' resolve.

"So beautiful," he murmurs, sliding one hand slowly down my waist and finally bringing the other up to cup my breast. "Feel good?" he whispers when I moan again.

"So good," I assure him, letting my head fall back against him. Garrus gives a soft, pleased hum and drops his head to nuzzle my neck. I almost miss talons starting to tease the inside of my thighs when he twists my nipple, the bite of pain settling as heat into my core.

"I want to give you what you need, Elle," he says, somewhere between a purr and a growl. It's quickly become my most favorite way to hear my name. "I want to play." He follows that up with a nip on my ear, but it doesn't help distract me from the confusion.

"Play?"

He leverages long arms to wrap all the way around me and reach my other breast, his fingers brushing my already sensitive nipple. The other hand is slowly, so softly brushing just the inside of my thigh but still only teasing me. He's giving and withholding pleasure all at once, putting me on edge and making me ache for him.

"Play," he repeats like it's the most normal thing to say in the world. "I'll need you to trust me."

"I do." I don't hesitate or pause to think about that because I don't need to; it's not a matter I have to think about even if he's being cryptic. I trust Garrus. He nuzzles my face softly, and I know that's intended to show me his gratitude. I mostly wish he'd just show that by touching me, and I try to encourage his hand to the right place by moving my hips.

Immediately, Garrus stops me. "Don't move." His voice is so firm, so deep that I freeze and feel my heart skip a beat. "When we play, you'll do exactly what I say and only what I say. Understand?" I nod. "No, say it."

"I understand."

"Good." I'm rewarded by his hands starting their work again, a finger finally sweeping my core. "I need you to be clear, Shepard, I need you to tell me with words. And I need you to pick a safeword."

Garrus accurately anticipated that I would have a little panic at that, and his arms lock around my chest to keep me secure. It helps, it grounds me, but I still feel just a little cold in my gut. "I've never...needed one before," I admit.

"I know." He licks and nips gently along my jaw, his version of kissing me. "You know that I'd never hurt you. That's why I want you to use one. If I do anything you don't like, anything that scares you...a safeword keeps us both safe when we're wrapped up in each other. OK?"

I manage a nod, knowing that at least the first part is true. Garrus would never hurt me.

"If you tell me to stop because something is too intense...I won't. That's the point; I want it to be intense. I want you to feel more and better than you ever have." This time he has to tighten his arm because my knees start to go weak. "Let's pick a safeword, OK?"

I know that he keeps asking me if it's OK on purpose, giving me every opportunity to stop him or ask questions. I nod and then remember his rule, quickly correcting myself. "OK. Yes."

"That's my girl." I'll never be able to explain why I find that phrase from him so sexy, but damn does it make me hot. I want to keep pleasing him, and I want him to keep saying it. "Choose a word. Something you wouldn't say otherwise, and that doesn't hold any emotion."

"Um…" My eyes dart around the room, trying to find something that works. "Shampoo." It's the first thing that comes to mind, and I immediately feel a little stupid for the suggestion.

Garrus seems pleased, though, kissing my jaw again. "Good choice. Shampoo. It's important I can trust you to use your safeword whenever you need or want to, just like you need to be able to trust me to stop when you say it. OK?"

"OK. What are we going to do?"

Now I can feel him chuckle softly, and it relaxes me, puts me at ease immediately. "You wanted a distraction, Elle," he breathes, his tongue dragging up my neck and to the soft spot behind my ear. I lean heavily back into him. "We've earned a little more than our share of the hot water, I think. So what were you saying about taking a turn?"

My heart skips with joy at the opportunity to have my hands all over Garrus - I can't think of a better distraction than that. "You're going to smell like me," I tell him, something of a warning since I know scent is important to Turians. "Although Wrex could still smell you on me after I showered."

"No, Kid. He could smell me inside you."

Well, shit. I'm not sure why I find that so damn hot, knowing that Garrus stakes such a visceral claim on me when we're together, but my mouth goes dry immediately. I can tell that he notices my reaction - hell, he can probably smell it - when he gives me a predatory grin.

I manage to pull my shit together enough to grab my body wash again, choosing to use my hands so that I can get a better feel of him. I want nothing between my hands and Garrus' body, starting at his neck and massaging just the way he did to me. I take the time to appreciate his build and work out the tension I find in his shoulders, Garrus apparently carrying stress the same way I do.

I know we'll talk it all out later. But I also know that we're on the same page about what we want right now. I slow down when I get to his waist, intentionally letting my hands linger on what I know is just as sensitive and erotic for him as his cock. That, I ignore, and kneel to wash his legs and feet. Garrus growls softly and cards his talons through my wet hair, rather obviously enjoying the sight of me on my knees for him.

The water is starting to run cool by the time I finish, but Garrus, for as much as I know he hates being cold, doesn't seem to mind because he pulls me into his arms. My heart skips when he wraps his hand around my throat. "You smell amazing," he purrs, leaning down and brushing his mouth plates over mine.

I lean in to try and kiss him, but Garrus doesn't give me that, tightening his hand just fractionally but enough to send a surge of fear rushing down my spine. He could hurt me, pretty damn badly. Even if I know he wouldn't, there's a moment where I want to defend myself. Garrus flicks his tongue gently against my bottom lip, and that fear is replaced by hot, intense heat.

I'm instantly desperate for him, actually panting with his hand around my throat and his body towering over mine. "Please," I manage to choke out, my voice hoarse.

"Please what?"

"Take me."

He flashes a smile, and then I'm surrounded by hot, hard Turian. Garrus scoops me into his arms, pulling my legs around his waist and devouring my mouth. I cling to him, letting all the tension and horror from today fade away while I explore his mouth and run my fingers down the length of his fringe, soaking in the way he shudders.

I don't register the water shutting off or that we're moving, but suddenly Garrus is pulling me off of him and tossing me haphazardly onto the bed, still wet. I barely have time to bounce on the mattress before Garrus has a grip on my ankles, yanking me toward the end of the bed, so I'm looking directly up at him. He looks even bigger, even more intimidating from this angle, and damn I love that.

Blazing blue eyes leave a trail of heat all over my body, and I can feel my skin blush, but I fist the sheets to stop from covering myself. I know he won't like that. And when I push past the insecurity, I really like having him look at me.

"Spirits, Shepard," he murmurs, eyes tracking everywhere at once while his hand runs down my waist slowly. His other hand drops to his cock, and I watch, rapt, while he fists it and gives a long, slow stroke.

He groans softly when his thumb rubs over the thick head of his shaft, and its somehow connected right to my clit. I try to press my thighs together to relieve some of the pressure, but Garrus' body between my legs prevents that.

"You gonna do something with that, big guy?" I ask, nodding toward his raging erection.

"I could…" He jerks one shoulder in a Turian shrug, playing casual very well. "I had something else in mind, though." A blue tongue sneaks out to touch the end of his mandible, and I hear myself whimper before I can stop it. Garrus gives a soft chuckle before he leans over me, planting one hand at either side of my head and caging me in.

He kisses me hard and deep, his tongue giving promise of what's to come. I'm lost in sensation and give myself over to the pleasure entirely when Garrus pulls away to start licking and nipping a blazing trail all the way down my body. He rolls my nipples between his fingers, pulls them with his teeth, curls his agile tongue around them while his talons scrape my hips and thighs. I can't help but cry out, and I might be ashamed of how pathetic my voice sounds if it didn't all feel so good.

"Think you could cum for me like this, my love?" he breathes against my breasts, his voice rumbling through his carapace. It's the first time he's called me that, and the tender tone of his voice combined with that word sends a chill down my spine.

Garrus moans softly when I shiver and ups the ante, biting hard enough that it hurts, and I have to fight the biotic spark that wants me to defend myself.

"Mmm, I felt that," he murmurs, voice deep and his hands joining his mouth to be absolutely relentless on my chest. "Holding back on me, kid?" Another sharp bite and I flare, energy surging through both of us although I'm the only one who ends up panting and writhing. I can feel myself building to a peak from the attention, his hands and mouth making me feel wanton and desperate.

I get close, so close that I can taste it, and then Garrus stops so suddenly that I have to blink from the sudden loss. "Why?" I mean for it to be a demand, but it comes out like a whine; Garrus just laughs and continues licking his way down my body.

I hold my breath in anticipation when he gets close to where I want him, sure that it's not going to take much, especially considering how talented he is. The damn Turian isn't going to give me that, though, moving further outside my hip instead of in between my legs. And all of this at a maddeningly slow pace.

I make an attempt at squirming, but Garrus pins my hips to the bed. I reach for his head instead, fully intending to just drag him where I want him. "Don't do it," he breathes against my thigh. There's a second where I hesitate, but I can't help accepting a challenge, so I make an attempt to grasp his fringe.

Garrus is too fast, and he catches my wrist, immobilizing my arm with just one finger and his thumb. "See, I tried to warn you." When he stands up straight, I could cry from frustration, and he shakes his head at my impatient groan. "You brought this on yourself. Apparently, you need a lesson in taking direction more than you need to cum."

"Oh, God. Please be kidding."

"You'll learn baby," he purrs, stroking my cheek tenderly like he's not actively torturing me. "Sit up." I eye him, curious and a little concerned. "Shepard. Sit up."

His tone the second time is different; even though I've never served under Garrus, I recognize it as a command. I'm sitting up before I even realize I decided to do it. Anderson would freak if he saw that; I've literally never obeyed any of my commanding officers this quickly. But with Garrus, it's purely an instinct that I obey him.

The smile he flashes in response is reward enough. Trusting him so implicitly makes obeying him easy; even if I'm aching terribly to have him touch me, I know that he'd never hurt me.

"Put your arms behind your back, cross them, and hold your elbows." It's an odd request but not a scary one, so I obey that as well, grasping the elbow of each arm with my opposite hand. Garrus notices the way that the position makes my back arch a little with an appreciative growl. "Lie down."

He doesn't wait for me to follow that one, instead leaning forward to kiss me and pushing me back on the bed under him in the process. The purpose of his instruction becomes obvious immediately since I've lost the use of my arms now, especially while his body is stretched out over mine. My skin is hot and sensitive, so Garrus' textured plates spark every single one of my nerves.

I could scream when I realize the damn Turian with the never-ending patience that could only belong to an ace sniper is starting all over, playing with my breasts again instead of going back where I need him. As good as it feels - and damn does that feel good. Why the hell has no one given this much attention to my breasts before? - I'm wound tighter than ever.

"So soft, everywhere," Garrus whispers against my skin, teasing my nipples until he's left me hanging on the edge yet again. "So beautiful." Frustrated or no, it's not hard to appreciate his tone and the almost worshipful way he touches me.

The time when he reaches my hips and continues down my leg, I don't try to grab his head. I physically can't with my arms trapped under me, but I also don't want to try this time. I need him to keep going because I already need him to give me release...something tells me I'll be waiting a while.

Garrus seems perfectly content to explore every inch of me with his fingers and his mouth. He makes me jump when he kisses the back of my knee. He finds a shockingly sensitive place, just below my ankle that leaves me shaking by the time he's done exploring it with his tongue. He trails sharp nips back up my leg, and I can't help squirming, praying to whatever gods or Turian spirits that might be listening that he'll finally focus where I want him when he reaches the apex of my thighs.

"Please." Panting, pathetic, and I don't care at all. He's the one who did this to me anyway.

"Something you want, Elle?" he murmurs against my legs, not deviating from his path or the painfully slow pace up my body.

He does this on purpose, I know - make me talk, make me tell him exactly what I want. Talking isn't something I've tried or experienced before in bed. I've only had one other partner who made an attempt at dirty talk, but it was just awkward. The filthy things Garrus whispers and moans when he's deep inside me or when I'm using my mouth on him turn me on just as much as the act. And his voice makes it all that much better.

When I talk, he talks more...so I'm learning to love to talk. There's not much I wouldn't do for him.

"I want your mouth."

A rumble moves through him, and I feel it on my thigh through his mouth plates. "You have my mouth." He nips a little harder than usual, bruising me for sure, to prove his point. "Tell me what you want, Shepard."

Garrus is the only person who has ever made my last name - the name everyone in my life uses primarily or exclusively - feel intimate.

"I want…" I swallow hard, trying to focus, and trying to calm myself down. I might chicken out until I feel Garrus moving back toward the outside of my hip, skipping the part of me that's throbbing for his attention. "I want you to taste me," I spit out in a rush, speaking around the lump in my throat.

"Oh, that...that is a good answer."

I all but sob when his tongue, perfectly rough and amazingly dextrous, finally sweeps all the way up my slit. Garrus takes my thighs in his hands and pushes my legs up, trapping my arms even more firmly underneath me and putting me into an angle that lets him devour me. At this angle, with his talented mouth and his growl vibrating through my whole body, it takes seconds before I'm panting and right on the edge of an intense orgasm.

Garrus knows that, of course he does, but just before I can crest...he pulls back. His attention leaves my clit where I so badly need him, and he licks softly at my folds. It's not enough to calm me down entirely but pulls me far enough away from the orgasm that I start to feel it fade. Just once, I can assume he misread me, but when the damn Turian then continues to do it repeatedly, leaving me right on the edge, actual tears start to fall.

I'm begging him, barely coherent from exhaustion and almost too intense arousal as Garrus takes me right to the edge of orgasm over and over only to stop before letting me get release. The level of stimulation grows to a level where it's just shy of painful, and I love it all every bit as much as I hate it. I can't move at all, no way to absorb or relieve any of the sensations.

Finally, Garrus shifts his game again and takes my throbbing clit very gently between his mouth plates. With his tongue, he creates a soft sucking sensation, and that's how he brings me over the edge. I explode and crash violently, a scream that I hear through the fog in my mind fading into a sob of desperate, beautiful pleasure.

I watch him rise between my legs, his gaze predatory and dangerous. Garrus licks his lips as if savoring a meal. I have no strength left, unable to do anything other than lie there while Garrus pushes my legs apart and spreads me for him. I'm rapt, watching his face while Garrus slides slowly inside me, and his expression becomes overwhelmed in pleasure. His mouth opens, and his head falls back while he releases a guttural moan.

The pained sound is a reminder that Garrus has to have been suffering for as long as I did, keeping himself from release the entire time he refused to give me mine. He proves just how desperate he's feeling now when he folds over me, aggressively thrusting inside me and giving a beastly growl with every slam of his hips.

"Feel that, Elle? How perfectly I fit inside you, how badly your body wants me? How well I know yours?" All I can do is whimper in response, his chocolately voice at my ear and my body completely full of him taking away my ability to think straight. "You were made for me, baby, made for this cock."

Every one of my senses is totally overwhelmed by Garrus, and he's relentless, driving into me like he's trying to permanently join our bodies, bury himself so deeply inside me that he'll never get out again. I have not one single objection to that.

"Cum with me, baby, cum again."

It's not an effort to get there. I'm spread wide, stuffed full, and thoroughly fucked. My body exists only to serve this man, so when he commands it, I fall apart for him all over again. Garrus whispers praise softly while his thrusts lose their rhythm, and I feel him explode into me.

I can only manage to make out the words when we come back down together, both of us panting. "Did so good, Shepard," he murmurs, gently licking and nipping my neck and shoulders. "So proud of you." My heart swells at the words, the sentiment filling me with pride even if all I did was lay here and take him - not that he made it all that easy at times.

Worth it.

Garrus pulls up a little to kiss me before he rises, pushing onto his arms and then sliding out of me before standing. He's still hard, of course, but he ignores that to help me sit up and release my arms. I groan at the pull in my shoulders, and he winces. "It's not bad," I assure him.

"Come here," he breathes, ignoring me and sliding onto my bed. I follow him, letting Garrus arrange me between his legs with my back to him where he sits against the headboard. Whether or not the pain is bad, I would never object to an excuse to get a massage from this man. He patiently rubs the feeling back into my arms and then any pain out of my shoulders, all while his cock throbs at my back.

"I think I need to work on building my stamina," I confess as it occurs to me that I don't know how much more I could possibly take tonight.

Garrus laughs, and I feel his mouth brush the back of my neck. "We'll work on it. Don't worry about that for tonight, though. I was rough on you, we both earned a little aftercare."

It seems like an odd phrase to choose, but I like the sound of it. I really like the feel of it too, if aftercare involves this massage. I realize that he's said he needs a little, too. "What can I do for you?"

"I'm good like this, kid. Just a little time before I go." I know that he feels me tense; his hands still, and then his arms come around me, pulling me back against him. "Shepard. I know I've said I wouldn't stay before, but...if you need me tonight...well, maybe we both need it."

"I do need it," I assure him, grateful for the offer and sure that I'll fall back into places I don't want to be if he leaves me alone tonight. I don't want him going back to bad places either. "I got my distraction for sure, but today wasn't easy for you either. How are you holding up?"

I let my head fall back into his shoulder so that I can look up at his profile. Garrus takes my hands in his, my palms flat inside his hands, and focuses on them when he takes a breath. "You know, I think I'm actually glad Saren killed Nihlus. If he'd gotten ahold of him, if he'd indoctrinated him...I'm not sure I could handle that. It's bad enough to lose one of them that way."

"That's fair. It would be heartbreaking to see a guy like Nihlus who was so full of life that way." I shake my head a little and admit, "Being enslaved is a pretty great way to have the spirit sucked out of you."

Garrus presses his mouth to my head, approximating a kiss. I appreciate that sentiment much more than the sympathy I fear and usually get when anything related to my time with the Batarians is mentioned. Those aren't my favorite memories, but nothing is worse than the pity.

"How are your shoulders?" he asks, nuzzling my hair with his face. Somehow he always anticipates what I need.

"Fine. They don't hurt at all anymore." I look up at him again and add, "I'm a little sore elsewhere, but that's different."

He gives a soft chuckle and shifts me just a little so that he can kiss my lips softly. "I thought that might have been your first experience with edging, so I tried to take it easy on you."

"Oh, shit, that was taking it easy?" I balk. "God, I thought I was going to have a heart attack or explode or something!"

"Mmhmm, and then how was the orgasm when I let you have it?" he asks with a knowing expression on his face. When I just roll my eyes in response, he laughs at me and gives me a cocky little shrug.

"You don't play fair, Vakarian," I maneuver, turning around while being mindful that I don't end up kicking his erection, and then straddling his lap. Garrus gives an appreciate little groan and once over of my naked form, his cock resting against my stomach now. I wrap my arms around his neck and toy lightly with the end of his fringe. "I think two could play at that game, though."

"Oh, is that what you think?" he responds, brow plates raised.

I blink and lean back a little more to eye him. "I mean...is that something you do? Get your arms bound and have someone edge you? Or...I just, I don't really know how any of this works."

"You're overthinking things," he tells me, leaning forward to close the distance between us again so that he can brush his mouth over mine. "This works in whatever ways make both of us feel good, Elle." He kisses me more thoroughly this time, and I melt under the touch of his tongue all over again. "As long as you promise to use your safe word when you need it, there's a lot we can try."

I cut off the end of his sentence because I don't want to wait any longer to be kissing him and Garrus doesn't seem to mind, giving me access to explore his mouth without protest. I don't want to tie him up, but I do feel like I need a little control back, and he doesn't fight me on it. I use a hold on his fringe to pull his head back so that I'm in charge of the kiss, and he gives that soft little moan I love so much, his hips churning just a little under me.

I'm almost shocked at myself for wanting him so badly again already after what I just went through. Still, in only a few kisses, I'm practically panting for him. I get hot with need when his hands slide from my thighs to my ass, cupping me so that he can pull me against his cock.

The way he shudders against me when I rise slowly, dragging my wet lips along his shaft, is just about the most rewarding thing I've ever seen. Suddenly, I get the draw and why he'd put off his own pleasure for so long just to watch me shatter. I'm not nearly as patient as my gorgeous sniper, though, so I release his fringe only to direct him into me.

We groan together into a kiss when I lower onto him until I'm sitting on his thighs again. He's fantastically deep, and the position reminds me of our first time together, when he was careful not to hurt me until his control broke and he fucked me senseless. Tonight, he seems content to let me do the work, and his hands just lightly hold my thighs while I rock against him.

I can feel his eyes everywhere, and his hands join them, coasting over my breasts and throat and back and ass, talons dragging softly the whole time and setting my skin on fire. "You look amazing like this," he murmurs to me. "And you ride my cock so good, baby. You're so sexy."

"Damn, Garrus, that voice. You should have a career on a vid sex line."

He laughs, the movement doing interesting things inside me, but the feeling of being able to laugh with my partner during sex - something else totally unique to sex with Garrus - is even more intense. "I think I'll keep my talents just for you, kid. That OK with you?"

"Definitely," I manage around a gasp when I grind against him in just the right way so that a small ridge on his groin plate rubs against my clit.

"There you go." He takes the back of my head and pulls me close, kissing me hard and deep. "Take what you need," he breathes between kisses. "Take us there, baby."

Like earlier, I follow his direction and don't regret it. Our eyes remain locked, and the closeness makes this feel intensely intimate, Garrus somehow seeing right through me. The look in his eyes, the heavy and thrilling and terrifying emotions I can see in there, makes me even more breathless than the sex.

I can feel my heart thumping hard, and every pound of my heart threatens to shove the words right out of me, confess something I'm not sure either of us is ready for. Garrus' eyes flash between mine, and I can feel his breaths coming in short gusts. He gathers the courage first and closes his eyes before pressing his forehead softly against mine.

A shiver runs through me, and this one has almost nothing to do with how good he's making me feel physically. I remember what he said the only other time our foreheads bumped, how intense he seemed to feel about it. With a little research, I learned that pressing their sensitive foreheads together is about the closest thing to a confession of love Turians can do without words.

It's intimate, suggests total trust, and isn't something that any Turian takes lightly. Especially not my Turian, knowing Garrus.

I don't want him to think that I misunderstand, but more importantly, I need him to know that the feelings are mutual - even if I can't say it. I lean into the contact, pressing our heads more firmly together. "Shepard," he whispers, hands stilling and tensing, his talons pressing into my skin.

"I know," I promise, finding his eyes again before he kisses me.

We stay connected in every way, our tongues tangling and our hands exploring while I ride him slowly and deliberately. My orgasm builds in precisely the same way, the climax coming much softer than the previous but still just as intense. Garrus swallows my moans in his mouth and then holds me very still, totally flush against him for a moment before he shudders and follows me over the edge.

We stay like that for a while after, soft kisses and softer touches while we come back down. Totally exhausted and entirely sated, I don't hesitate to let Garrus arrange me against the pillows. He disappears quickly and returns shortly, a warm cloth in his hand. I thank him and clean myself up, not sure I'll ever want to be that intimate with someone.

When we're clean, and Garrus' cock is safely tucked away, he climbs back into the bed beside me. His hot body is such a comfort, I curl against his chest and hold onto his neck. Garrus seems just as content to wrap himself around me and hold me against him, his chin resting on my head.

I can feel the weight of sleep pulling me down hard and don't fight it. Joker's voice makes both of us jump, but neither of us moves away from the other. "Sorry for the late interruption, Commander, I just thought you'd want to know this before the morning."

"Go ahead, Joker," I respond, not caring in the least that my voice is muffled by my face against Garrus and my sleepy brain.

"The Council checked back in a few hours ago." I hear Garrus chuckle softly at that, knowing he's kept me occupied and thoroughly distracted for hours. I poke him in the side as playful punishment. "They want to talk more about the Reapers and Ilos, so they want us on the Citadel asap."

That perks me up immediately, and I lift my head just a little, looking down at Garrus because who else would I share my excitement with? I can tell he shares it. "Let's - "

"Come on, Shepard, you know I already changed course."

"Of course you did," I allow with a laugh. "You're the best, Joker."

"Obviously. See you in the morning." A soft beep tells me that he's gone, and I settle back against Garrus, grateful that he's eager to wrap his arms around me again.

"At least one thing went right today," I mutter, more than ready to sleep.

Garrus huffs softly. "I'm going to pretend you're excluding the last few hours," he responds, his words mumbled just like mine. I only have the energy to laugh and squeeze him a little tighter, falling asleep with the goofy grin still on my face.

*****Author's Note*****

Feed the author with comments! I live for them.

But seriously, thank you so much for reading every week. We're nearing the end of Mass Effect 1, but Garrus and Elle's story does not stop there, so I hope you'll continue to stick around and enjoy! 3