I wake slowly, a little confused at first before awareness comes in. I'm used to waking up to my alarm, my blanket kicked off at some point overnight, so I'm usually fairly cool. This morning, something very warm and heavy is on me...but it doesn't occur to me as a bad thing, even while my brain is still fogged with sleep.

A sharp bite of pain on my shoulder finally snaps me out of it, and my mind rushes into awareness, dragging a big, stupid grin on my face with it.

Garrus is halfway on top of me and wrapped around me from behind, still naked, and waking me up with kisses on my neck and shoulder. "I don't mind this wakeup call," I mumble sleepily, rolling over slowly to face him. He only gives me enough room to move, and I happily plaster myself against him.

"I didn't want to sneak out," he responds, nuzzling his face against me. I love the way his mandibles tickle just under my jaw when he speaks. "But I do have to get up. My Commander is relentless, and I have things to do."

I laugh. "Something tells me your Commander will be OK with you sleeping in today."

"We did sleep in, Elle," he informs me with a laugh. It surprises me enough that I shift him away to free my arm, checking my Omni-Tool for the time. It's nearly three hours past when my alarm goes off, several hours already into the morning cycle. I curse under my breath, but Garrus pushes my hand down so that I can't also check my messages. "Don't. You're staying in bed; sleep in more."

"I can't, Garrus. I have things to do."

"Like what? All we're doing is heading to the Citadel. I have work on the Mako, Tali and Alenko have tasks, Joker flies the ship. You can step back a little today."

"Are you aware that Kaidan is the only person on the ship you call by their last name anymore? And that was true even with Ash."

Garrus huffs at my sudden change in topic. Or maybe at the topic. "Alenko considers himself my competition for you. I'm extremely competitive, Shepard."

"Ew, please don't make me sound like a trophy," I protest, grimacing up at him. I watch him blink and then balk, quickly realizing his mistake.

"Shit, no, that's not what I meant. Now I sound like Alenko," he grumbles, rolling his eyes at himself. "Just the thought of that little bastard, the way he stares at your ass and fawns over you. I guess it's more...territorial than competitive."

I can't help a smile and reach up to wrap my arms around his neck. "Well, I'm much more OK with you being territorial. You don't have any competition though, Vakarian."

He just makes a soft sound at that and chooses not to argue it, leaning down to kiss my lips softly. Garrus doesn't let me take it further before he pulls away, brushing his mouth plates over my forehead quickly. "You can change the topic all you want, but I'm serious - stay in bed for a while. Go back to sleep. You earned it." He smirks and adds, "And we both know I won't have a problem tying you to this bed if you argue."

"That's far more tempting than it should be," I inform him even while I pull the blankets back up to my chin. I might have argued a bit, but Garrus is right; I don't need to be out of bed right now, and we're still early in the morning cycle. Another hour or so won't hurt anyone, and maybe it'll make the things I have to do today a little more bearable.

I refuse to let myself consider those things right now and watch Garrus instead. From bed, I can watch him gather his clothes from the bathroom where he ditched them in a rush last night and then come back out to get dressed. A guy his size - nearly seven feet and a solid two hundred pounds of hard plate, metal, and muscle - shouldn't be as graceful as Garrus is in everything he does. I wonder if that's common to Turians or if it's just him.

When he pulls his shirt on, I drink in the way his plates shift to reveal his muscle tone as he moves. While the plates and his overall shape are far from human, the lines of muscle appear fairly similar to mine; I can recognize his abs and his arms are just as defined as I'd expect in any well-built human. I don't see him or his body as alien, especially now that I know it so well.

"You're good for my ego, kid," he informs me with a smile in his voice as he pulls on his boots. Apparently, I was more ogling than looking, but I know he doesn't mind. He doesn't put his armor back on, likely because he's going to change once he's downstairs, and comes back to sit beside me on the bed. "I'll be in the Cargo Bay most of the day."

"Is that a hint you're hoping for a visit?" I tease him. Garrus laughs and reaches out to tuck my hair behind my ear before tugging my earlobe gently. The fond look is back on his face, and I have to fight the urge to pull him right back into this bed with me. "Thank you for staying. And for not sneaking out this morning."

"Thank you for letting me," he returns sincerely.

I gladly meet his kiss when he offers it and settle back against the pillow when Garrus leaves. It's a little odd, staying in bed while someone else heads for work, but I could get used to this. Well, maybe not the staying in bed part. But it was really nice falling asleep with and then waking up next to Garrus Vakarian.

Considering my job - our jobs - it's not really an option to make this a regular thing. Besides, now we're closing in on Saren, and that means our mission will be over soon. I could tell myself not to get attached, but that ship has sailed. So, something else is needed. A different solution since clearly, I can't stay away from him.

Instead of getting myself anxious again about things that I can predict or control, I choose to think about last night - the post-crying parts, anyway - and rollover. The pillow that Garrus used smells like him, warm metal and the musk of arousal, so I grab and hug it. I don't find the pillow nearly as firm as I want it to be anymore, especially not in comparison to the Turian, but I do manage to fall asleep quickly when it feels like I'm still surrounded by him.

I wake slowly again, disoriented this time because it's so quiet and I'm alone. It's been just over an hour since Garrus left, according to my Omni-Tool, and I figure that's enough to fulfill my promise to sleep in. Especially considering how much later than usual this is for me. I have to admit it feels pretty good.

There's still a part of me that feels weird, maybe even a little guilty, for having a night like that knowing what's coming. Saren is close to the Conduit, close to bringing the Reapers back, and we're still in basic level talks with the Council to figure out a plan that might work. And I had some of the best sex of my life. I know that this is the part of me that still needs to recover from my trauma, my survivor's guilt and the pressure I put on myself, but that doesn't make it easier to ignore.

I do my best to swallow it down for now while I climb out of bed. My shoulders are a little stiff when I stretch my arms over my head, and there's a soreness deep inside me when I walk, but I can't say that I particularly mind either one. Pounding hot water feels great, and I indulge in a couple extra minutes.

Memories of last night filter back in, Garrus' mouth and hands all over me. It's so vivid that I can feel the strong leather of his hands and the heat of his body against my back, his scent surrounding me. My breath leaves me in a sigh when my fingers trail down my own body, still wet so that my fingers slip easily over my clit.

I ride out the pressure, imagining my hand as Garrus' and closing my eyes to block out anything else. Even in a fantasy, that Turian makes me feel amazing. I have to lean against the wall when the climax takes me to prevent my shaking legs from just giving out. I imagine what Garrus will do when I tell him about this and can't help a smile when I finally clean myself up.

I feel much more confident, more capable today than I did last night. I'm prepared to face the Council again and convince them that we need a fleet to take Saren down on Ilos. Whether or not they want to believe me about the Reapers, they know how much of a threat he is. Before getting dressed, I remember that Captain Anderson is still on the Citadel and shoot him a message; if nothing else, seeing my mentor always boosts my mood.

I also remember, or really haven't been able to forget at all, that I need to officially notify Admiral Hackett about Virmire and call Ashley Williams' mom. It's with that in mind that I decide to dress comfortably instead of in my usual ship wear, pulling on my favorite sweats and a black N7 tank top with my hair up in a simple ponytail. Instead of my boots, I grab the sneakers I wear for workouts before sitting down at my desk to complete my least favorite task of them all.

Hackett is supportive, as usual. He's always liked me, for whatever reason. Today, he doesn't fully comment on the Reaper issue, but at least he doesn't fully dismiss me on it either. When I give him the report on Virmire, Hackett bothers to ask how the team is holding up after the loss. And he presses to make sure I'm alright, even while we chase Saren.

Talking to Mrs. Williams is a hell of a lot harder. She cries...she cries hard. I can tell how grateful she is to learn that Ashley died a hero and that I've made sure to include that in my official report. Ashley saved her family's legacy, and it gives them something to move forward with. I manage to hold it together for the call, stay professional and strong while being compassionate. It's never easy, but I've had more practice than I want to think about right now.

Rounds are a welcome distraction for the next couple hours, Joker and Tali making me laugh while Liara is super kind, and Wrex tells me to get the hell over it. I need all of them today. By mid-afternoon, I'm starving and dying to see Garrus, who has been in the Cargo Bay all day. I shoot him an email promising peanut butter on my way to Mess Hall.

I realize that I shouldn't be annoyed to see Kaidan cleaning up his own lunch, but I can't help it. Especially not after yesterday when he didn't just challenge my command but questioned my honor and my ability to make objective mission decisions. "Oh...Shepard, wow," he mutters when he sees me, brown eyes sweeping me quickly and then going wide.

"What?" I ask, immediately self-conscious and even more regretting the question the moment it comes out of my mouth. I don't want to know Kaidan's thoughts while he's looking at me like that.

"I'm just not used to seeing you like this, Commander. You usually look...well, professional, I guess." I hear the word that he chooses, but I can see from his expression that he's trying to say I usually look better. I must show my shock on my face because he starts to backpedal quickly. "I mean, you-you always look great, Shepard. It's just different, less…"

"There is nowhere that telling me I look less than anything can go that I want to hear, Alenko, really. Please, let's just...forget it."

"Yeah, OK." I head for the fridge and try to pretend that Kaidan isn't just standing by the sink and staring at me. I hate considering what he might be thinking while he's looking at me now. "I did want to apologize for yesterday."

I take a breath to calm down. I'd much rather just not hear this apology; he always seems to make things worse by apologizing. "It's not necessary, Kaidan. Yesterday was emotional for all of us." I have to wonder if he gets tired of doing things that require an apology.

"OK. Well...thanks. Did you maybe want some company for lunch?"

He sounds so innocent that it's almost tempting to accept the offer. Almost. "You're welcome to stay if you'd like. Garrus is on his way up to join me." As if on cue, we can hear the elevator approaching.

"I don't think Garrus would like that very much," Kaidan notes with a soft chuckle, almost sounding like he's gloating now.

I remember Garrus saying earlier that Kaidan considers himself competition for the Turian. It's just about as laughable as it is misogynistic and frustrating. He's innocent and sweet to my face, but when I'm not around, the Lieutenant tries to make Garrus feel insecure.

If Kaidan wants to play games, he's got to learn that he's up against the best.

"Oh, Kaidan," I laugh, shaking my head a little. I even press my hand to my chest for dramatic effect. "I don't think Garrus has many concerns about who else is around." My cheeks start to flush, and I'm well aware that Kaidan notices; for once, I just don't care.

The elevator door slides open, and Garrus Vakarian comes strolling out like he owns the ship. The visceral way my body responds to just the sight of him - the muscles in my core clenching and my skin tingling as the air charges to life - is a good sign of his ownership. I watch a similar response in Garrus when his eyes meet mine, the predator inside him coming to life.

"Hungry, big guy?" I asked, keeping eye contact.

I can see that he seems a little surprised, but he never misses a beat. "Starved."

Kaidan clears his throat almost obnoxiously and announces, "I'll, uh...I'll head back to work. Enjoy your lunch." I watch him disappear into the elevator in a rush, and then Garrus looks at me with his brow plates quirked.

"It's not worth mentioning," I assure him.

"Fair enough. And probably for the best. I'm having trouble concentrating," he informs me, stalking toward the kitchen. His blue eyes leave a trail of heat while they scan me from head to toe and back. "Damn, Shepard. You look…" He trails off and shakes his head.

I frown at him and look down at myself. Definitely still just wearing baggy sweatpants and a tank top that's several years old. Kaidan's reaction stung a little and is fresh in my mind, so I wonder if Garrus is messing with me for a second. "Are you serious? You like this?"

"Damn right," he breathes, lifting one hand to run his fingers down my arm. "All this skin, those hips. You drive me crazy." I can just about feel the arousal pouring off of him, so I know he's sincere, and I'll be damned if it doesn't turn me on like crazy.

"Stop looking at me like that, or we're not going to have lunch."

"I can think of something I want to eat much more than lunch, Elle."

"That is not fair," I tell him, shaking my head and taking a step back so that I can breathe. It's too hard when he's standing close, the air around us too full of spark. Garrus just follow and traps me against the counter, planting his hands at either side of me to cage me in.

"That was nothing," he breathes, his voice full of danger and promise. "Not fair would be telling you I want to lay you out on this counter and devour you. Take you over and over, fill you with my cum until it's dripping out of you."

"Jesus, Garrus," I manage to mutter, falling into the counter behind me when my legs start to shake. I need to get some leverage here. "You know exactly how much you turn me on, hmm? Did you know that it's so much I thought about you in the shower this morning?" I press my hands to his chest and push slowly up to his shoulders, trusting that Garrus will tell me if someone is coming. "I came all over again, thinking about how your cock feels inside me."

"Fuck, Shepard." It comes out in a growl, and Garrus grabs my hips, slamming me into the counter. "You are…" He looks up and scowls. "Damn it, the elevator is coming up." Blue eyes flash back to mine. "This isn't over, kid."

He ducks his head and kisses my mouth hard, just once, before straightening and turning to the fridge. He has the door open like he's looking for something, but I can see he's just using it as a way to adjust his pants around the significant bulge from his erection.

"Best of luck hiding that, big guy" I tease him while the doors open, revealing Tali and Wrex. Liara comes in from the Med Bay just a moment later.

"I hope you know I'll get you back for this," he calls as I head for the table with my lunch when the others join us. Liara and Tali exchange a glance when they catch me laughing, but I decide to ignore it. Joker joins us just before Garrus finally comes to the table.

No one manages to keep from laughing when the pilot and our resident sniper are together, even Wrex ending up doubled over before too long. With Garrus in the seat beside me and at ease around people I consider our friends, it's damn hard to keep from touching him. He's not helping, repeatedly brushing his leg against mine or even running his hand down my thigh under the table.

It's absurd that just these innocuous and hidden touches get me hot for him. After last night, I should be worn out and satisfied for a while. My stamina might need work, but my libido clearly isn't suffering. At least not when Garrus is around.

My Omni-Tool dinging with a message stops me from reaching under the table to get Garrus just as tortured as I am. An email from Captain Anderson offering to have dinner with me after I meet with the Council makes me smile. It'll be good to see him.

It occurs to me that my mentor and former commanding officer may have more insight on what I should do about Garrus than anyone else. And I trust his advice more than just about anyone else's, too. If my brain and body could just agree to forget Garrus, everything would be much simpler for me. Anderson will get it; he'll talk some sense into me. Maybe he'll even have a solution to the whole thing.

My stomach sinks the moment I think about that possibility. I may know it needs an ending, that everything ends sometime, but I'm in no rush to get there.

For once, when I see the Council, I'm not in the middle of a mission, so I bother to get dressed in my Alliance formal blues the next morning. Sure, working for the Council is separate from the Alliance, but it's the nicest uniform I have. I prefer to prove my worth through action, but I'm not stupid, and I'm aware that managing to look pretty sometimes gives me an advantage.

If I thought any of the Councilors could be swayed by it, I would wear something with a little cleavage for a mission this vital. I need to stop the Reapers; nothing is going to keep me from it.

When Kaidan sees me this time, his reaction is much different than the last time. Instead of telling me that I usually look more or better or whatever, he almost spits out his coffee. And I'm not ashamed to admit it puts a strut in my step as I head for my own cup.

Joker is far less subtle, whistling in a way that would get any other pilot cited. "Lookin' all fly and important, Commander! And look at all that regalia. I forget how many times you've been medaled."

"I think what you really mean to say is that you're so jealous of my medals, you've blocked it out of your memory," I tease him, smirking over my shoulder.

"Hey, if I could shoot like you or fight like you or...walk like you, I would be the real hero." I just raise my mug to him in a toast and choose not to argue it, trying to hide my smile in the coffee. Joker narrows his eyes and then flips me off, also something another pilot or soldier couldn't get away with. Fortunately for Joker, I'm damn aware that there is no one better for the job.

And I kinda love him, though I'm never going to admit it.

I'm distracted by a sweet giggle as the elevator doors open, Tali emerging with Garrus and both of them laughing about something no one else is privy to. I do my best to ignore the pang of jealousy that feels like hot acid in my throat.

Part of me wonders what would have happened if they had met first, if it had been Tali that Garrus danced with that night. From what Tali has told me, Quarian-Turian relationships are common. The two of them obviously get along. And Garrus would have to deal with any of my bullshit if he just fell for someone good, like Tali.

And even as I muse on it, I can feel my stomach turning. I don't want anyone else to have Garrus, not even in my imagination or hypothetical scenarios.

"Wow, Shepard!" Tali gushes, dragging me from my thoughts. "You look so official. And clean."

I laugh at that, not nearly as insulted as I was when Kaidan made a weird comment. "Thanks, Tali. Sometimes I shower."

"And sometimes you use all the hot water on the ship," Joker mutters, playfully talking into his mug. I throw a balled-up napkin at him, catching the brim of his hat.

I try my hardest not to look up at Garrus, not to care about his opinion. And I fail. Maybe if I hadn't spent last night alone after compiling and sending dozens of reports for the Council - putting together everything we know about the Reapers - I could manage it. Instead, I have to look, and then the heat in his gaze threatens to ignite me.

He opens his mouth like he wants to say something, and then glances around before changing his mind. I kind of hate that I don't get to hear whatever it was, but I'm grateful he considered who might hear us. Joker's chair scraping back from the table gets me back on track yet again.

"We'll be docking in a few at the Citadel. What are your orders, boss lady? Shore leave?"

I shake my head. "Sorry, guys, I need the ship ready to go as soon as we get the OK from the Council so I can coordinate with their fleet."

"Is, uh...is anyone going with you?" Kaidan's hopeful tone annoys me.

"Garrus is coming with me. Liara, too, since she's our resident Prothean expert." Kaidan doesn't argue it, just flashes me his best puppy dog eyes and then nods. I brace myself, waiting for Ashley Williams to pipe up and have a response...and then I remember.

I'll never get to argue with her again. Or talk about poetry with her or listen to her laugh.

I inhale deeply through my nose, trying to quell the rising tide inside me before it gets out of control. At the table now, Garrus chuckles softly and then asks just as softly, "Is it weird that I really wish Ash was here to argue with those orders, just for the sake of it?"

Relief washes over me in instead, the wave bigger and faster than the panic and sadness, so it overtakes that and floods me in ease. I even manage a laugh. "I was just thinking the same thing."

"To Ashley," Joker announces, raising his coffee mug in a toast. Everyone at the table follows suit, and I do as well. "May we never stop questioning orders."

"I'll drink to that," Wrex grumbles, everyone else confirming as well. I sip my coffee after the toast and watch them, this ragtag crew of misfits and aliens that would never fit together anywhere else. They're missing someone, but not letting it hold them down. They're going to let her memory, her sacrifice, fuel them for the rest of our mission.

And I can do the same.

"Vakarian, T'Soni. I'll see you at the airlock."

I quickly down the rest of my coffee and then head to my quarters, aiming for my console. I have a habit of checking for messages last minute, in case there is anything I need to get or know about while I'm off the ship. I don't even make it all the way across the room before I hear the door open.

I know it's Garrus before I turn around. Tingles break out all over my skin in anticipation of what he might want, what he's doing here. I don't have to wait long to find out.

I don't have to wait long to find out. Garrus makes quick strides across the room and is on me in the blink of an eye, backing me up until I'm caged by his big body against the wall. He makes a dive for my mouth, and I dodge it at the last second, ducking under his arm for space onto so that I can think straight again.

"Garrus, did they all see you come in here?"

He turns and blinks at me. "What?"

"The whole crew was out there, do they know you followed me in here?" My stomach knots when I think about the conversation that's probably happening in the Mess hall right now. Commander Shepard can't even focus on the most important mission of her life, she's too worried about a guy.

It's unacceptable, and he should know better.

"Shepard, I…" He takes a breath through his nose, and I can tell he's trying not to get angry. Part of me wants him to, wants a fight today. "I slept here a couple nights ago. And left in the morning. I thought we were...somewhere different now, I don't know."

"That was...we needed that," I decide on, choosing my words carefully. I don't want him to think I regret that night or letting him stay. "But we have to keep normal protocol as much as possible. It doesn't change things."

Garrus snaps his head to the side, removing his gaze from mine so that I can't see his pain, I know. He fails. I see it.

"I knew that," he mutters, words barely audible over the rumble of his second set of vocal cords when he speaks that deep and low. "I'm sorry." Before I can argue that, he shakes his head and straightens. "The crew thought maybe the mention of Ashley upset you. I was asked to come in and check on you. So...no suspicion."

Relief floods me right before the guilt that has become so familiar washes in. I could have just kept my mouth shut. I can feel the distance between us growing again, and I hate it, forcing out a laugh. "Well, damn. Guess I missed I really good opportunity for a quickie then."

He barks out a laugh, and I can hear that it's forced. I wish I could take the words back and find myself scrambling for an excuse. He's told me already that he hates feeling used, especially by me.

"Not that I...Garrus, that's not - "

"Hey, relax," he breathes, waving it off and even taking a step closer. "I knew what you meant. We'll just have to take a...what do humans call it? A storm check or something?"

Now my laugh is more genuine. "Raincheck."

"Your idioms are so weird. But yeah, raincheck. OK?"

"OK."

He motions with his head toward the door, smiling at me again. "Let's go get us a fleet and end this thing."

My stomach drops even while my feet follow his motion and head toward the door. This whole thing is going to end soon. The mission will be over, and then Garrus will have to decide what comes next for him. I've been using the mission and him being under my command as an excuse not to move forward with him this whole time, but now the end of the mission is within reach.

Now I have to figure out what comes next for us.

I've learned over the last year never to underestimate Commander Elle Shepard.

She always seems to do the thing that is least expected, forges a new path forward and creates new situations - usually for the better, but the woman knows how to make a mess. Sometimes her temper gets her in trouble; I know that, too.

I have the distinction of knowing Shepard better than anyone in the galaxy knows Shepard, which is an achievement even if she's kept most of herself walled off.

Never did I imagine that I would have to physically restrain her from punching Ambassador Udina right in his annoying little face. Clearly, I underestimated her.

Part of me really wants to let her go and watch her tackle the asshole. I should probably let her at the entire Council. They called us here on a lie, promising to take the threat of the Reapers more seriously only to tell us that they will not support our mission to Ilos to stop Saren from getting the Conduit. Worse, they grounded the Normandy to prevent us from going ourselves.

We were betrayed by the very people who charged us with our mission in the first place.

The other part of me gets fired up whenever Shepard does and wants to tackle her to the floor right here, test out the strength of the Prothean engineering on this platform. I manage to control myself enough to wrestle her away from the Ambassador before she gets charged with assault.

"Damn it, Udina, you are a pathetic excuse for a man, a soldier, or a human," she snaps at him, gripping my arm where it restrains her. I can feel her hands shaking, her heart racing. "You are all actively endangering the galaxy, and I will not pretend otherwise when this blows up in your faces. And when you need me to save you - and believe me when the Reapers come, you'll need me - I'll remember this."

She eases her grip and nods to me, so I feel secure enough to release her, but I'm not stupid enough to let her get between Udina and me. She has to be able to trust me on her six all the time, and at the moment, protecting Shepard means from herself.

Whether or not it's because she knows she can't just barrel through me, Shepard spins and marches back off the platform. For once, I have to hurry to keep up with her as we tear through the Presidium. Poor Liara is all but running. Shepard is grumbling to herself the entire way to the rapid transit - which she almost never takes on the Citadel - and rips off her Alliance uniform jacket even before it arrives. I do my best not to notice all the exposed skin when she's in just a tank top.

In the cab, she's silent and practically vibrating in her seat. I can see her hands clenching the seat, and her eyes darting up at me quickly. I know she wants to tear at me, whether for violence or sex...and I think she'd prefer the first right now.

Unfortunately, we're released onto the Normandy and greeted by chaos. Joker is almost in panic mode, infuriated and terrified all at once that he can't fly his ship. Alenko pegs question after question about the meeting in rapid-fire, and the rest of the crew is milling around anxiously. Shepard lasts maybe thirty seconds under all of it before she finally snaps.

She grabs a helmet off the table in Mess Hall and throws it across the room, the bang echoing. The only thing louder is her shout: "Enough! Back off."

The room goes silent, truly without the Normandy's engines, and everyone just stares as Shepard crosses to her locker. She kneels to access it, only to fail at the lock three times. Before I can move in to help, Kaidan Alenko again finds his stupid and approaches her again.

Tali turns to look at me from across the room and throws her hands up, mirroring the frustration with him that I feel. He really just seems incapable of learning his lesson. I'm afraid that Shepard may actually kill him for it today, but I hang back to let it play out for now.

"What the hell happened out there, Commander?" Alenko asks, standing over Shepard so that he has to look down at where she's now sitting on the floor with her back to the lockers. I can tell from the set of her shoulders that she doesn't like it, recognizing it as a power stance - a dominant move - from him. She looks up with her eyes but doesn't tilt her head.

"Udina couldn't wait to stab me in the back," she practically growls.

"You've done everything they asked and more," Liara tells her, leaning against the counter beside me. "Nobody else could have done what you did."

"She's right," Tali chimes in. I think it's cute that they're trying to cheer her up this way, but I already know it's not going to work. Although at least they aren't actively pissing her off. "It's not right. The Council owes you everything. So does Udina. And they ground the Normandy to pay you back!"

"Maybe we could appeal and get them to reverse their decision," Alenko pushes.

Shepard scoffs. "I pushed as hard as I could. Have you ever known me to do anything halfway? They wouldn't budge."

Alenko returns her scoffs, and I hear several people around the room gasp. It's a miracle Shepard doesn't shoot him, and anyone else would run for their lives from the fire in her eyes. Alenko is so obviously not smart enough to be anyone else. "So, you're just going to walk away? You just give up and doom the galaxy to extinction?"

"Shit, Kaidan, you are - "

"OK, that's enough," I announce, pushing off the counter and interrupting Shepard from saying something I know she's a good enough person to regret later. I step right up to Alenko and do what I've been dying to for a year now, placing my hand on his chest and physically moving him away from Shepard. He stumbles back, and I ignore him.

"Garrus, I…"

"I know," I tell Shepard, reaching down to her. "Get up. Get up now." She grips my hand and allows me to pull her right up to her feet.

"Listen, Shepard."

I spin back to glare at Kaidan. "I've got her, Alenko." I can tell that he wants to argue that, but I don't give him a chance, all of my focus going where it belongs.

I take Shepard's face between my hands and guide her to look up at me, barely controlling the urge to wrap my hand around her throat. She tilts her head back just a little, and I know that she wants me to hold her that way, too. I know she won't like that later if the whole crew sees, though.

Focus.

"Breathe," I tell her, keeping my voice low and quiet the way she likes. I can feel her pulse thrumming rapidly against my thumb, and it slows just a little when she listens and takes a deep breath through her nose. "There you go. No murdering the crew or human ambassadors, OK?"

"I can make no promises," she snarks. That's a good sign.

"OK, well, I can make a promise. Look at me." Green eyes snap back up to meet mine. "We are going to figure this out, we are going to get to Ilos, and we are going to stop Saren. That's a promise."

Shepard narrows her eyes for like half a second and then has to fight a smile, emerald eyes sparking to life again - finally. She slumps against me, and I release her face to wrap my arms around her. Shepard's head lands heavily on my chest, and her arms come around me, no regard given to who might be watching. "I don't deserve you," she mutters against my armor.

"You don't, that's true, but no one really ever will," I tease, earning a poke in my waist even though she knows I can't feel that through my armor.

Her heartbeat is steady again, and I can feel the strength returning to her, reset after being broken down by Udina, the Council, and Alenko. Pride swells in my chest, knowing that I did this for her. That I've served my purpose on her six and did the job proud.

"Shepard!" Joker shouts so loudly and so suddenly that we both startle and my arms tighten around Shepard in an instinct to protect her.

"God, Joker, what?" Shepard demands, only releasing me enough to turn toward the pilot and not turning away from me completely. If she's not moving, I'm not either, so I keep my arm around her.

"Captain Anderson sent a message to the ship. He says it's urgent and he wants to see you at that club, Flux. But that's all he would say."

Shepard heaves out a sigh and looks back up at me. "Well, if nothing else, we can grab some shots. Wanna come get me drunk, big guy?"

"How could I argue with that?"

She smiles and then pulls away from me to address the crew. "Everyone should stay here until I have answers and...something of an idea. Or a plan. I don't know. Just...assume you're on active duty unless you hear otherwise from me."

The crew snaps back into order and goes about their business. Shepard ducks into her quarters for a moment to change, and I wait in Mess Hall, avoiding Alenko and hoping he affords me the same courtesy. "Do you think she's OK?" Tali asks, resting her hand over mine on the counter.

"Of course," I assure, catching a hand shaped just like mine and giving it a squeeze. "It's Shepard. There's nothing she can't handle, and we've got her back. Right?" Tali nods, and Liara smiles, both of them relaxing a little.

I hear Shepard's door open again and turn to face her, watching a different Shepard step out than the one who went in. She's in her armor, and I recognize that choice as a signal that she's fighting in whatever way she can. Her head is high, and her shoulders are back; this is the Shepard that all of her enemies should fear.

I was certain a moment ago that we would figure something out. Now I'm just scared for whoever gets in her way.

"That's my girl," I mutter when I join her at the airlock, unable to help myself.

"I'm not done yet, Garrus. I'll be damned if I let Sparatus and Udina be what stops me from saving the galaxy."

No longer defeated, Shepard is near to boiling with anger. It's better, an improvement, but I'd still prefer my Commander as herself. We step into the elevator, and the answer feels clear to me. "I'm going to tell you a story. You should know that I'm not proud of this anymore, but I know it'll make you feel better, so I'm telling it."

Shepard gives me a strange look but leans against the elevator wall with her arms crossed, listening.

"When I was fourteen, right before going into military school, my father got one of those marriage contracts I told you about."

"Wait, you were getting them at fourteen? How early can you get married?" She balks with an expression so shocked I can't help laughing at it.

"We can't get married until we finish primary training, actually - seventeen or eighteen. But the contracts are often set-up in advance. Turians really like to be prepared," I remind her. She makes a thoughtful sound, and I continue. "Anyway, he got one from Councilor Sparatus for his daughter, who is our age. Of course, my dad jumped at the opportunity and dragged me to the Citadel to meet her."

"I'll bet he did. A Councilor's daughter, that has to be kind of a big deal for the whole family merit thing." She gives me the sort of once over that speaks to my primal urges and smirks. "So you're quite the stud on Palaven, aren't you?"

"I don't know what a stud is, and that's a story for a different day." She laughs and nods for me to keep going. "I didn't want to be there, I definitely didn't want a fiance at fourteen, I didn't want her. Well, she didn't want me either - which ended up being a blessing. My father and hers leave us alone in his office, and I swear, she started stripping out of her clothes."

"What?!"

"I had no idea what was going on, I wanted to jump out the window before I got caught and blamed. Then she tells me that's her plan - she wants us to get caught going at it on her father's desk because then he'll never approve of our marriage. Win-win for us."

Shepard explodes in laughter, her face red and the sound contagious. "I like this girl! So, did you?"

I scoff at her. "What do you mean did I? I was fourteen, and she was naked, you're damn right I did." Shepard's laughter echoes around the elevator, and she has to bend over, hands on her knees, gasping for air. "The plan worked, they caught us. Man, I took a beating for that one."

Green eyes flash up at me. "Worth it?"

"Oh, absolutely. Especially now. You know, whenever Sparatus is acting all smug, he glances at me, and I can see him remember his daughter bent over his desk, some punk ass teenager drilling her."

Shepard straightens, wiping tears from her eyes and still chuckling. "And loving it too, I'm sure. Oh, and now every time Sparatus looks at me, I will remember this. Thank you, that helps so much."

"When you let me take care of you, I don't do a terrible job at it, kid."

"You're not wrong," she allows. Without warning, her eyes change from bright and full of laughter into a dark and sad emerald gaze. Before I have a second to ask about it, Shepard shakes it off visibly and looks away from me. She's saved by the elevator releasing us, but at least she doesn't run from me.

I assume she's still tense about what we're facing, about what Captain Anderson might have to say, so I place my hand firmly on her shoulder as we reach the rapid transit station. The smile is back when she nods at me and feel some relief at a job well done.

Alenko only pissed her off more, and I helped. She might not like that I'm competitive about her, but Turian nature can only be helped so much.

Minutes later, we're walking into Flux, where Captain Anderson is sitting at a table alone and nursing a drink. He looks much different than the only other time I saw him, now wearing just a plain black shirt instead of his full formal uniform. He looks younger this way, enough that he fits in with the crowd.

"Elle," he greets her, standing as we approach. I know something of their history, and I recognized how comfortable they were with the other when I met them both almost a year ago now. "I can see you're pissed, but it's still good to see you."

He's just as good at getting Shepard to smile as I am, and it makes me like him instantly.

She accepts his hug before turning back to me and motioning. "You remember Garrus Vakarian."

"Hard to forget," Anderson responds cryptically, though I notice Shepard narrow her eyes at him for it. He extends his arm, and I shake his hand instead of his forearm. He seems pleased by that. "I'm glad you came, Shepard. I heard what happened."

"The Normandy's been grounded," Shepard grumbles, yanking a chair out from the table and then sitting down hard. It would be a petulant move if the woman doing it weren't so damn deadly. I wait for Anderson to sit as well and then take a chair beside Shepard.

"I know. I'm sorry," he offers. "I wanted to warn you, but there was no way to get a message to you before you docked. I know you're pissed off right now, but you can't give up. They think this is over, but we all know it's not." Anderson leans forward, deep brown eyes flashing back and forth between Shepard and me. "You have to go to Ilos. You have to stop Saren from using the Conduit."

"There's only one ship that can get me into the Terminus Systems undetected, and she's grounded," Shepard notes, raising her eyebrows and throwing her hands up a little.

Anderson nods a little. "Citadel control locked out all of the Normandy's systems. But if we override the Ambassador's order, we can get them to bring the Normandy back online."

I feel the words hit me like a smack, blinking in surprise. Shepard leans over the table. "If we steal the Normandy, you're the one left holding the bag."

It says a lot about her that her concern is for Anderson and not the fact that she just said if we steal the Normandy as an actual possibility.

"And if Saren finds the Conduit, life as we know it is over. The Reapers will destroy us." Even if I think Anderson is a little crazy at the moment, it's nice to have someone in command believe us about what's really going on and how dangerous the situation is. "You and your crew are the only ones you can stop him, Shepard. So I'll do whatever it takes to get you on the Normandy and off this station."

Shepard sits back hard in her seat, her eyebrows raised. She looks over at me, and all I can do is shrug a little. Anderson doesn't seem like the kind of guy to be talked out of something...especially considering he mentored Shepard. If she learned from him, the guy must have an iron will.

"What's your plan?" Shepard asks him finally.

"I can unlock the Normandy from one of the consoles in the Citadel Control Center. You'll have a few minutes before anyone realizes what happened."

Whether or not he's the kind to be talked out of something, this is a terrible plan, and I can't keep quiet on it. "That's a restricted area patrolled by armed guards. Heavily. How are you going to get in?"

"Leave that to me," Anderson says casually, brushing that off. "Just make sure you're on the Normandy when the systems come back online."

Shepard glances at me for feedback again. This time, I have to shake my head. I can't let him make a mistake like this, if for no other reason than that it will hurt Shepard immensely. I remember how upset she was at the idea that he was given a desk job for her to get the ship; if he's arrested by C-Sec and charged with treason for her to steal the ship, it'll break her heart.

I'd much rather piss Anderson off than hurt Shepard.

"I don't like it," Shepard tells him. "There's got to be a better way."

Anderson seems to consider that for a moment. "Udina issued the lockdown order. If I can hack into the computer in his office, maybe I can override it."

"He's not just going to stand by and let you do that," Shepard snorts. Old friends or not, she has balls talking to a Captain in her military like this.

Anderson is still totally casual about it, though. "Hopefully, he won't be in his office. If he is...I'll just have to think of something."

"Guy like that is bound to have a glass jaw," I mutter, kind of loving the idea of someone laying the little varren shit out.

"Stop that," Shepard scolds me even with a little smirk. "Udina is not the type to forgive this kind of thing. You'll be charged with treason, Anderson, a capital offense!"

"If you take the ship, everyone on board will be charged right along with me," he counters. "We don't have a lot of options here. Either I hack Udina's computer, or I take my chances with patrols in the Control Center."

"Damn it," Shepard groans. "I know we have to do something, but those both suck." Anderson laughs a little at that but doesn't cave.

"You have a better chance with Udina's computer," I offer, trying to make this as easy as possible for Shepard. "The Control Center is too well guarded."

Shepard nods confidently. "I would take his advice." It's damn hard not to preen at that, and I can see Anderson is impressed by the vote of confidence as well.

"I was kind of hoping for that. The ambassador has made this personal," Anderson admits, proving that he has some of Shepard's temper and not just her stubbornness. "You ready to get the hell off this station and take Saren down, Commander?"

Shepard pushes to her feet, and I follow her. "Let's do it."

Anderson stands. "I'll take care of the lockdown. You get to the Normandy and tell Joker to stand-by." Shepard nods and salutes him quickly before pounding her fist on her my shoulder twice rapidly and then heading past me. I extend a hand politely before turning to catch up, and Anderson accepts but then keeps a hold, preventing me from moving away. "It's your responsibility to take care of her, Vakarian."

"I know, sir," I assure him, well aware that he's right. "I'll keep her safe."

He eyes me for a moment and then nods to himself. "Yes, I think you will. Go."

He releases my hand, and I salute quickly before rushing off behind Shepard. Now keeping Shepard safe isn't just a personal mission, but an order. And I might be the worst Turian in the galaxy, but I'm not about to disobey that order.

We have treason to commit and a galaxy to save.