"I don't do speeches, and I'm not really a big moments kind of person."
The whole crew is staring at me, and I hate it. Feeling exposed like this is precisely why I don't do speeches or big moments. I seek out Garrus, leaning casually against the wall beside Wrex, and find impossibly blue eyes already on me. He gives a tiny, almost imperceptible nod, and it steels me.
I'm Commander Shepard; I can make a damn speech.
"I'm just gonna give this to you straight. We're stealing the ship to go to Ilos and stop Saren. Anyone who is on the ship when we do that will be charged with treason."
A low murmur breaks out among the crew, some of them shifting uncomfortably, but at least no one is running screaming. Yet. The aliens on the crew won't have as much to deal with; the Council can basically just frown at them, and their own governments or military leaders might be a little upset. But the members of the crew who are Alliance will face jail time and losing their rank.
Kaidan and Pressly exchange a glance. I watch the navigator shake his head firmly before spreading his legs into a determined stance; he's not going anywhere. Kaidan doesn't seem quite as sure, and Joker whispers something harsh enough that the lieutenant flinches. Garrus and Wrex are glaring daggers at him from behind as well.
"It's fine," I announce, "I get it. None of you is under any obligation to stay. But if you're going to leave, you need to do it right now because I have a galaxy to save. If you're staying, gear up. We're going to Ilos, and we're gonna kick some ass."
"Damn right!" someone shouts. The murmurs shift into a brief round of cheers, and then everyone is off, dashing for their stations in preparation for the ship to be released from Citadel controls. At least it was quick and painless as far as speeches go.
I get away from the little podium of the galaxy map and away from any additional speeches. Joker told me it's about five hours to Ilos from here, and I know exactly how I need to spend them.
The Turian is making his way toward me already, a smirk on his unbearably handsome face. Part of me really wants to ask what Anderson said after I walked away in Flux, but once he gets closer, any nonsense thoughts fly right out of my head. "What do you need to handle right now?" he growls.
"I think telling you what I want to handle in public would be really inappropriate."
Blue eyes flash at me, igniting a blaze in my core. "I have to check in with my baby sister. If something goes wrong, I'll…" He trails off and shakes his head, but I don't need any more explanation than that. He wants to make sure he talks to his sister, just in case.
"I get it. I should do reports before letting you ruin me." It has the desired effect, and Garrus moans, and not quietly. I'm certain Wrex heard when he starts chuckling on the way past us, slapping Garrus on the shoulder amicably as he goes. I can't help a laugh at the anguished look on the Turian's face. "Go. Tell Solana I can't wait to meet her someday."
"And that would ruin me," he quips, reaching out to tug my ear lobe quickly before turning and heading for the elevator. I force myself not to watch his ass as he goes. I have basically no choice but to duck into my quarters to keep myself from doing it, but the quiet is welcome.
I figure that most of the team is doing exactly what Garrus is right now, reaching out to their family and loved ones. Just in case. I did just see Captain Anderson, and I assume he's fairly busy running from trouble with C-Sec and the Ambassador right now, but I shoot him a message anyway after stripping out of my armor. He's not much of a big moment person either, so I know to be brief.
What do you say to the man who saved your life?
* I'm not going to let you down, Sir. *
There's really nothing more important than that between the two of us. I know he'll appreciate it. I also know I'll be back after taking Saren down, so I don't need final moment worries. Besides, I updated all of my final records and wishes weeks ago.
The only other person I could possibly need to say anything important to is Garrus. He means more to me than anyone else in the galaxy, and he's the only person other than Anderson that I consider my family. And he knows absolutely none of that. Because I haven't had the courage to tell him. I don't even know what happens to Garrus or to us after the mission is over.
My heart leaps into my throat when the doors swish open behind me, anxious to see him. And maybe to tell him that I'm crazy about him. Probably not, but I can at least touch him.
It's Kaidan Alenko standing my quarters now, though. Part of me feels guilty for the way my stomach sinks in disappointment. Kaidan has been a valuable part of this team, and he hasn't been mean to me. But at the same time, it's not just annoying that Kaidan isn't listening when I tell him I'm not interested. I've been clear since the kiss, even that I regretted the kiss, but Kaidan persists.
I don't like men who think they know what a woman wants better than she does. And Kaidan is determined to convince me that I want him.
The thought hardens me. The knowledge that Garrus is going to be coming up here soon and will feel like crap if he finds Kaidan in here steels my resolve and my arms cross over my chest before I even realize I'm going to take the pose.
"What's up, Kaidan?" Not rude, but distant. A little cold. Professional.
Kaidan doesn't notice. Tali calls him the most oblivious person in the galaxy, and she might be right.
"Commander."
That makes me laugh, the sound bubbling up before I can stop it. "You probably shouldn't be calling me that," I remind him. "Hell, I probably shouldn't even be wearing this uniform."
"Yeah, hell of a thing," he murmurs, approaching me where I stand in front of my desk. He seems oddly comfortable in here. "We broke our oath to defend the Alliance so that we can keep it." I watch his shoulders sink. "What happens if this doesn't work out, Shepard? We stole a prototype warship. If they wanted to get technical, they could throw in kidnapping. We're a hell of an example of humanity's best and brightest, huh?"
I can't help but feel like there's a jab directly at me somewhere in there, a bruised ego that he wasn't considered as humanity's first Spectre. But that barely registers. An hour ago, he was goading me to get something done after the Council meeting. Now he wants to be a bitch about the results.
I have to take a deep breath through my nose. Maybe I'm not officially with the Alliance at this moment, but I do still have an example to set - as Kaidan just reminded me.
"I keep reminding myself we're doing the right thing." It's the simplest thing I can offer him.
"Look, Shepard." He takes a step closer, still an arm's length away so I don't move or stop him. Yet. "If I didn't think you were doing the right thing, I wouldn't be here."
Wow, he actually said the right thing for once. I know Kaidan can see the surprise on my face when he smiles. It's a sweet smile, soft and gentle. I still find him handsome, and I still think his heart is usually in the right place. He's just got a lot of growing up to do for someone who is several years my senior.
"It'll really hit the fan when we get to Ilos," Kaidan notes, shifting back and forth between his feet the way he does when he's nervous or uncomfortable. "Shepard, if things don't go well, I want you to know…"
He trails off, and my chest tightens. I've heard this tone before, and I have some idea of where it's going. Before I can stop him, Kaidan steps closer again, this time almost closing the distance between us entirely.
"I've enjoyed serving under you," he murmurs, voice soft and deeper than usual. It's an attempt at intimacy, maybe even at seduction. I hate myself, knowing that he thinks it'll work because of a moment of weakness.
But I'll be damned if I make the same mistake twice.
"You've been an asset to the squad, Alenko," I inform him. I don't move away because I think it might be interpreted as him making me nervous. Instead, I square my shoulders and watch him straighten on instinct when a commanding officer does. Kaidan needs to remember that he does indeed serve under me, stolen ship or not.
"I just needed you to know that I think about losing you, and I can't stand it," he blurts out, the words coming in a rush like a dam has broken somewhere inside him. Brown eyes flash back and forth between mine, Kaidan searching for something to hold onto.
There's nothing in me for him. I'm too full already.
"Kaidan, I've been clear on this. There is nothing for you to lose. There never will be, not with me."
It's actually an effort not to put an apology in my tone. To soften it. I don't want to hurt him, to upset him. But I know that's crap, too. I have a right to my feelings, and he has a responsibility to listen.
He gives a harsh exhale and then laughs just a little, shoulders relaxing a bit. I can't decide if it makes me more at ease or more nervous. "You know, he might be a great shot, but sometimes I wish he'd never come on board."
Kaidan doesn't have to say Garrus' name for me to know who he's talking about.
"Whether or not Garrus was here, nothing would have happened between us." He doesn't need to know that no one has ever gotten me hot enough to consider breaking regs before, and I seriously doubt anyone else is capable of it. "And honestly, if you cared about me the way that you say you do-"
"I care about you!"
"Then you should be grateful that Garrus is here. You should be happy for me."
He gasps a little and eyes me; we both know that this is the closest I've come to admitting that something is going on with Garrus and me. If the Alliance needs to add it to the list of charges, I imagine it'll fall pretty far down at this point.
"Kaidan...Garrus makes me feel like I can take on the universe. And right now, I kind of have to. Why is it so terrible that someone makes me happy, even if that someone isn't you?"
I watch his mouth open and then close again, something like anger flashing through his eyes before it's replaced by guilt and then pain and then back again. Clearly, the guy has a lot to think about and a lot to consider, so I'm even more grateful than usual when the doors whoosh open to interrupt us.
It hurts like hell to watch Garrus take in the scene, though. I can see the uncertainty, can watch the memory of the last time he saw Kaidan in here flash through his mind.
I look back to Kaidan and give him the opportunity to excuse himself, to decide to do the right thing. To care about me. When he just continues to look back and forth between Garrus and me, I give up on him. "Hey, big guy. Kaidan was just leaving."
"Oh. OK." I can hear the relief in Garrus' voice, and then when I look up at him, his swagger has returned. He prowls through the room, eyes only for me, and if Kaidan doesn't leave soon, he's going to get a show. I remember the look in Garrus' eyes when I mentioned him ruining me; damn, I want him.
"Yeah, OK. I'll, uh...see you both tomorrow. For Ilos."
"See ya," Garrus practically chirps, even patting Kaidan on the shoulder as they pass one another.
I fight back a laugh and narrow my eyes to scold the cocky Turian. He just smirks at me and then glances back, both of us watching the dejected lieutenant go.
"I almost feel bad for him," Garrus allows.
"Because I threw him out, and you gave him a pity pat on the back?" I laugh.
Garrus chuckles and then lunges for me, yanking me into his arms before turning to press me against the wall. "No, because he'll never get to know how incredible you taste."
He kisses me boldly, his tongue sweeping through my mouth with such hunger that my legs go weak, and I have to slump into the wall behind me.
"He'll never know how amazing you feel inside," he growls, nipping at my jaw lightly while kissing along it. "Never know how tight you grip my cock when you're cumming."
"Fuck, Garrus," I gasp out, scrambling for purchase - physically and mentally. "Part of the reason he'll never know is that I'm damn sure his cock his nothing like yours."
That gets him chuckling again, and he gives my throat a sharp nip. "Hmm. Did someone develop a thing for Turian cock?"
"No," I reply firmly. Garrus pauses and pulls back to look at me, concern flashing in his eyes. "Just yours. Just you."
I hear his breath catch and then a growl tears from his throat. "You're damn right it's just me." I'm surrounded entirely by him after that, Garrus pinning me against the wall and rolling his hips into me. That glorious Turian cock throbs against my stomach. "What's your safeword, Shepard?"
"Shampoo."
"That's my girl."
Everything is a blur from there, Garrus a whirlwind of hands and mouth and tongue. Before I can figure out what's happening, I'm naked and on my bed with a beautiful man on top of me. When I get to my senses, I get some control and manage to wrestle him underneath me.
"All that talk about Turian cock, you are not holding it back from me," I inform him plainly, my knees pressing into his shoulders.
"I don't want to hold anything back from you," he tells me. I watch blue eyes center right between my thighs, and then a long, agile tongue sneaks out to lick his mandible. Garrus reaches above him to grab a pillow and bends it in half, getting himself comfortable on my bed. He then looks me right in the eye. "Come here."
I hesitate, a little unsure of what he actually wants from me and what I'm willing or able to do. Garrus doesn't wait, sneaking his hands under my ass and tugging me forward. I have to reach out to catch myself on the headboard. I'm given no opportunity to catch my balance before Garrus pulls my ass down and tilts his head up, licking me long and slow.
I make some sort of inhuman sound, and a hot rush floods me, his tongue flicking my clit at the culmination of the lick. He repeats the move again, and I can't help rolling my hips against him. "Good girl," he purrs, the vibration moving right through me. "Ride me."
A shudder runs up my spine when I realize what he wants, what he wants me to do. I don't need more direction than that. Garrus moans and growls while my hips roll and twist and grind against him, his tongue lapping deep inside me and swirling my clit, using just the right amount of pressure. Once, I worry that I might be keeping him from breathing, but Garrus pulls my ass down harder, giving me unspoken permission to take whatever I want.
He devours my orgasm with the sexiest sounds I've ever heard and tries to stop me from moving away after. "Your cock," I manage to gasp. "I need your cock."
Again, there's no hesitation. Garrus simply flips us over so that he's on top of me. He sits back on his haunches, and I watch his hand drop to grip his shaft. He strokes slowly with a firm grip, watching me watch him the whole time.
The thing really is beautiful, a deep blue with ridges dancing in a swirled pattern. His quad rests heavily, just as blue and just as bold. I never thought of cock as attractive before Garrus - maybe I have developed a thing.
"I love when you look at me like that. Tell me how you want it."
I make sure that his gaze is locked on mine when I answer, "Hard."
Garrus makes a sound that is almost pained and closes his eyes like he's trying to control himself. When he opens them, the sheer power and intensity in that impossible blue knocks the wind out of me. Something that feels like a lot like fear runs down my spine.
"Do not move," he growls, not giving me a chance to think about it before slipping off of me.
"Please don't leave." I don't really mean to say it out loud. The instinctual fear at having a predator on top of me, combined with the potential of being left - rejected and vulnerable - feels like too much.
He pauses before getting all the way off the bed, one knee still on the mattress, and studies me for a moment. Just when I'm about to panic, Garrus smiles softly. "Kid, we both know you trust me. Stop talking yourself out of it." He leans down to kiss me, his mouth just brushing my lips. "I won't hurt you."
"I know that." And I do. He's right; even when I feel a little fear, my instincts never make me want to run. Never make me doubt or question him. I'm safe with Garrus, no matter what.
He must see something that reassures him in my eyes because he stands at the side of the bed. Evidently, I had nothing to worry about because he doesn't go far, only to where his pants were haphazardly discarded on the floor. I watch him collect his belt, my mouth already dry, and then he turns toward me. He snaps the leather, and somehow the sound is connected directly to my clit.
I'm sure he notices the reaction when he quirks his brow plates. "I'm guessing that's something you just learned about yourself, too, but we'll explore that later."
"Oh, shit."
Garrus laughs and crawls back onto the bed. I don't get an explanation for the belt because the hot, hard, gorgeous Turian spreads his body over mine. His tongue explores my mouth with a hunger I can taste, his hands travel my breasts and waist blazing heat everywhere he goes. The man has absolutely mastered my body and has me writhing under him in moments.
"You're so beautiful," he purrs into my ear, nuzzling my cheek. "Your body is fucking magnificent." I can hear myself whimpering pathetically, but I can't stop, can't resist that sinful voice of his. His teeth graze my ear, and his erection is hot and heavy at my hip. "I could worship you forever, Elle."
"Garrus, please, just…" The words die in my throat when I reach for him, planning to pull him closer and try to get his magnificent cock inside me. But my hands aren't moving.
He gives a sharp yank and leather I hadn't even noticed before then tightens around my wrists. I tilt my head back to look up and have to gasp. Garrus successfully and rather impressively distracted me. Enough that I didn't notice him tethering me to the headboard.
"Look at me," he breathes again, rubbing his nose against mine. I can see him searching my eyes. "You know your safeword. And I'm right here. OK?"
I take a deep breath to try and calm my racing heart, settle the anxiety rising in my gut.
"You've never been restrained before." He doesn't say it like a question, but I shake my head to answer him anyway. "OK. Breathe. Feel it, don't avoid thinking about it."
I focus on his words and then on the belt, the leather encasing my wrists. I can feel the cool metal of the headboard railing behind my hands and the warmth of the belt pressing into my skin. It doesn't hurt, and I find that it's not a tight hold; I could break out fairly easily if I wanted to. I'm not trapped.
"I'd like to do what I promised," Garrus breathes, leaning down to run his mouth down the column of my throat. His breath gusts hot and heavy across my skin, and cool goosebumps break out all over me. I gasp when he nips my collarbone. "I want to fuck you, Shepard. Hard."
"Oh, God...Garrus."
"I need you to feel safe. I'd still be more than happy to fuck you when you're untied, believe me." Something like a choked whimper that I barely recognize as coming from me escapes, and Garrus slides down my body, nuzzling my breasts. "Don't act like you don't know it. I'm desperate for you."
His tongue flicks my nipple, and then he gives a sharp bite, something that he knows will get my biotics to spark in an unconscious effort to protect me. And he loves knowing he can get me there.
"Mmm, don't hold back on me, baby," he growls softly, definitely smiling. I feel like I might be able to catch my breath when he kneels, but then Garrus grabs his cock...something else he knows gets to me. With a strong hand, he strokes long and slow. "You see what you do to me? I'm aching for you."
He moans on another stroke, squeezing his shaft roughly. I try to reach for him, aching myself to get my hands and mouth on him, but all I manage to accomplish is getting the headboard to rattle.
"Garrus, please. I want you."
"Do you want me to untie you?"
"Garrus goddamn Vakarian, I want you to fuck me!" I buck my hips in a weak but desperate effort to get him inside me.
He gives me a wide, and almost feral grin, then grabs my hips and yanks me closer, pulling my ass up onto his thighs. His cock rests against me, laying thick and heavy and far enough up me that it's intimidating as all hell. Garrus can read that on my face as plain as day.
It's even more intimidating when his gaze centers right between my legs while he spreads me, pushing my thighs wide apart. "So beautiful," he murmurs, one hand dropping so that his thumb can circle my clit. "I can't wait to fill you up." Blue eyes meet mine while that hand lowers, and a finger slips gently over a place no one has ever touched me. "And someday...I want you full everywhere."
My heart nearly stalls almost at the same moment that I consider letting him take me any damn where he wants as long as I get his cock.
And, damn him, he knows me well enough to recognize that look.
"If you didn't have to be functional in a few hours, that would be incredibly tempting. As it is…" He slips inside me with a hard thrust, sinking all the way in. And so fucking deep.
"Finally," I gasp, my body flooded with relief when it finally has him. When it's finally complete.
That thought jars me, but I don't have a chance to think about it before he's fucking me, that relief changing into totally overwhelming pleasure and intense sensation. He shifts to pull my legs over his shoulders and plants his hands on either side of my head, moving hard and fast like he wants to drill me right through the mattress.
"Spirits, this body," he moans, dropping his face against my throat. "I can get so deep inside you. I never want to stop fucking you."
"More," I manage to gasp, my back arching when he hits exactly where I need him. "Right there, yes."
"I know, baby. I've got you." He doesn't quit, doesn't relent. As much as I've been impressed by his stamina before, the Turian reaches a new level and screws me with reckless abandon until I've cum so many times that I'm weak and spent. Only then does Garrus get his own release, managing to go even harder and faster until he practically roars my name and explodes inside me with force.
He collapses hard and heavy onto me, propped up enough that he doesn't crush me but pants just as heavily as I am. "Jesus, Vakarian. That was impressive, even for you."
Garrus gives a sharp laugh and then reaches up, quickly undoing the belt before he rolls off of me, flopping heavily onto the pillows beside me and shifting only to fix a pillow for his comfort. I appreciate having the cool air blow over my heated skin, but Garrus' weight at my side is immensely comforting. I like having him here.
I don't want him to leave. I definitely don't want him gone after we get a hold of Saren.
My heart thuds heavily in my chest, my stomach clenching. He's going to leave.
I can feel myself getting choked with emotion and have to try and shake it off, quickly sitting up for some distance. "Hey, where are you going?" he purrs from behind me, catching my arm gently.
"Nowhere, I -"
"Shepard. I know you well enough to know when you're running from me." I wince at the flood of guilt that hits me, and I feel him sit up behind me. I tense, expecting him to be angry, and shudder instead when his mouth grazes the back of my shoulder. "Talk to me. Please."
"Garrus, I…"
It's not like I can tell him to check out my personnel file to get out of this one. And I'm committed to not hurting him anymore for distance. I need to deal with this like an adult.
But that doesn't mean I have any idea what to say.
"It's just a lot with you sometimes," I admit, forcing the words out. "It's…" I have to swallow to push down the lump in my throat enough to speak, to confess. "It's scary."
Strong arms wrap around me, and Garrus pulls me back against him. I don't resist, leaning into the strength and safety he can provide. Something I've never found anywhere else.
"Scares me too," he murmurs, speaking into my hair where he presses his mouth against the top of my head. "But I'd rather be scared than lose you."
"Right now, losing you is what scares me. The mission is going to be over soon, one way or another, and you can't have C-Sec pay you to be on this ship forever."
I feel him exhale a heard breath. "Yeah. I've been thinking about that, too."
He doesn't say anything else, and I have no clue what to say. I just let him hold me, taking in the sun-warmed metal scent and the heat of his body. The comfort is a lot less than it should be when I'm plagued by wondering if I'm ever going to have this with him again.
"Spirits, I hate the idea of going back to C-Sec as much as I hate leaving you." I shift to lean against his shoulder and look up at him. He doesn't complain about his job often, but it's intense when he does. "I hated it there before, but after this...I've never regretted turning down Spectre training more."
He says it with a bitter laugh, but something clicks in my brain.
"Oh, my God, Garrus. You should go into Spectre training! I'm obviously going to sponsor you."
Blue eyes narrow a little at me. "I'm not sure if I should be grateful or insulted that you want me gone for six months."
"No, no, Garrus." I shift quickly to straddle his lap and grab his face, pulling him to look at me. "I don't want you gone at all. I want you to meet your own potential. And I want you to be a Spectre because this force needs someone with your sense of justice." He makes a sound at the back of his throat, uncomfortable as always with genuine praise.
"I'm not saying I'm not grateful you believe in me, Shepard."
"Well, I'm saying that I'm going to hate being on this ship without you. I am going to miss you so much, Garrus, no matter where you go next." Now his eyes meet mine, his attention riveted again. "There's always part of me that remembers we're breaking regs when we do this. You're under my command. But I can't seem to stop doing it. I want you too badly. Care for you too much."
His hands tighten against my back, pulling me fractionally closer.
"When you're in Spectre training, you won't be under my command. And when you're a Spectre, we can serve together again." I run my nose along his as a buffer while I work up the courage. And then I bump my forehead against his and revel in the little whimper that leaves him. "No regs in our way."
"Shepard," he breathes, tugging me completely against him and wrapping his arms around me in a bear hug. I loop my arms around his neck to complete the circle and smile where he nuzzles against my face. "I need to hear you say it, make it real. Tell me you want to be mine."
A laugh escapes me, my heart skipping about a million beats like it wants to make up for all the moments he's made it go too fast.
"God, Garrus. I have always been yours."
He shudders, his whole big frame rocking in my arms, and then leans in to kiss me. It's not as rough as I would have anticipated, instead a slow and gentle dance that's every bit as effective in getting me revved up again. I can't help writhing against him, Garrus' strong hands slowly stroking my down my back, under my ass, and over my thighs before going back in the other direction. I melt in his arms, confused and turned on and needy.
And I want to keep going forever.
"Not gonna tie me up again?" Shepard asks between sweet little gasps while she massages the perfect spot under my fringe and runs her other hand along my cowl. Her kisses make me hot even when they're slow and damn if tying her up isn't tempting.
I'm proud of her for letting me do it. For getting into the spirit of it and relinquishing all of her control over to me. I'll do it again, and soon if I'm lucky.
But that's not what right now is for.
The most incredible soldier I've ever met and the most admirable commanding officer I've ever had just told me that she wants to sponsor me for Spectre training. Pride can't describe what I'm feeling. She believes in me, thinks that the sense of justice Chellick and Pallin on C-Sec used to complain about is valuable. That I'm valuable.
And somehow that's not the best thing that's happened to me tonight.
This beautiful, talented, brilliant, perfect woman wants to be mine. Wants to be with me. I can almost see what she likes about me as a soldier, but as a man...there is no way that I deserve her. No one could.
I'm damn well going to try, though. I'll try to deserve Shepard for the rest of my life.
"No, I'm not gonna tie you up again tonight," I tell her between kisses, reveling in how soft her lips feel against mine. "I wanna try something new."
"Play?" I can hear some anxiety in her voice, but even more anticipation. Shit, she's tempting. But I need to stay on track.
There's something else I want so, so much more than playing.
"No, not playing. Actually...something I've never done."
Shepard startles a little at that and pulls back to eye me with a cautious frown. I slide one hand into her hair, carding through the silky strands to cup the back of her head and hold her close. Her frown fades almost immediately and changes to a smile when my forehead meets hers.
It's the first time I can do that without a surge of panic that she'll reject me. Instead, my chest swells with something that scares me, too, but not nearly as much as it thrills me. I lean in closer, finding her mouth. Shepard follows my lead and holds my neck, kissing me slow and deep.
I shift to pull her against me so that I can roll with her, bringing her to the pillows under me. She clings to my neck as we move and never breaks the kiss. Not until I push slowly inside her, and then only to push her head back into the pillow while her body tries to adjust, pained pleasure all over her face. I give her a moment to adjust, always, and myself a second so that I don't get embarrassed. And then I know she's expecting to get fucked.
But I'm trying something new tonight.
I press my forehead to hers again, soaking in the immensely satisfying tingle down my spine from doing that with a lover and not just friends or family. I had no idea it would actually feel different, that my body would react this way. I never really imagined caring about someone enough to be this intimate. And now with Shepard…
It all seems so obvious.
Shepard reciprocates, leaning her neck up now that she can press into me while slowly rolling her hips to meet every steady thrust.
With her arms around my neck and her ankles at my lower back, I'm surrounded by Shepard. Her scent envelopes me, that comforting citrus and cinnamon washing over me while it's combined with the smell of our sex that charges me. I touch her everywhere that I can, exploring the endless soft skin while moving slowly, gently, inside her. She's soft inside too, hot and wet and tighter than a fist.
All combined, even at a pace that feels unnatural at first, the pleasure in my core soars to heights I'd only imagined before.
I can map every inch of her body this way, enjoy the unique way her body pushes and pulls at my cock every time I slip in and then back out of her. It's an exceptional way to enjoy Shepard's pleasure as well, her hands much more active than usual; she explores my cowl and throat and mandibles while letting out the most amazing little moans and whimpers I can imagine.
Our eyes meet, and it all surges, my heart threatening to choke me when it swells. Those emeralds hypnotize me, capture me, and I never want to try and break free. Our hands meet next and somehow the incorrect number of fingers on each hand works, our fingers entwining with just as much ease as our bodies.
I hold her hand under mine on the pillow beside her head and search for what I know is in her eyes, even though it scares me. I need to see it, need to know that I'm not the only one who has fallen far deeper than I think it's possible to crawl back from.
She whispers my name, and it's there. That terrified vulnerability, an intense openness blazing up.
Scared or not, there's a huge part of me that is desperate to say it. We've made so many mistakes in a short year together, and so much of it was because of what we didn't say, what we were too scared to say. I'm done screwing up with her; this is just too important.
But the right words just don't come. I don't even know how to say them.
"Spirits. I'm crazy about you." It's still true, it's just not everything.
It makes her smile anyway, and that's good enough for me, especially when she kisses me. Her hand squeezes mine, and I take the signal from her body with the same instincts that never fail me on a battlefield; I know exactly what's needed of me, and how to get the job done.
This might be my first time making love, but I'm going to make sure it's memorable for her.
Even slow, quiet, and soft, Shepard climaxes for me. Her body answers the demands of mine perfectly so that when I need her, when I can't hold back anymore, she shatters, and the death grip of her body around my shaft pulls me right over the edge with her.
I stay inside her while we catch our breath, her soft hands traveling my fringe and her lips planting gentle kisses all over my face.
"Do you know what Christmas is?"
I frown at the exceptionally random question and shake my head a little, unwilling to pull away while she's still kissing me between words.
"Look it up after we stop Saren. It's in ten weeks, and I want to spend it with you."
Something like a moan leaves me, and I can't help a smile. "You'll stay with me on the Citadel?" She nods and kisses me again, my mouth this time. "Consider it done. Christmas. Got it."
"Thank you." I can hear the smile in her voice. "It was my favorite holiday growing up."
Now I do pull back enough to look at her. She so rarely shares anything personal about herself and especially about her past. "Well then, I'll have to make sure it's very special," I promise.
The joyful, carefree smile that breaks out on her face steals my breath away. I would do anything to keep that smile on her. "It involves you buying me a present. Fair warning." She says it with an absolutely adorable, coy smirk that makes me laugh. "But you'll get one too so. It works out."
"If you come back to the Citadel to celebrate your favorite holiday with me...I think we can count that as my present."
Shepard blinks at me, and I immediately wish I could take my words back. "Garrus Vakarian, if I didn't know any better, I'd say that sounded romantic."
"You don't know any better, that's obvious. You want romance? My dick is still inside you, and it's going soft. I need you to move so I can get cleaned up."
Now she throws her head back in laughter but releases me so that I can pull away; I have to stifle a moan when I slide out of her and try not to notice the way she bites her lip. We both know I have a few more rounds in me, but we need a solid night's sleep before Ilos tomorrow, so I slip out of her bed and pad to the bathroom.
Shepard is quiet while I quickly get myself put back together, but she darts inside past me as I step back through the doors. "Don't leave!" she calls before they can shut.
"You say that like I've snuck out while you're in the bathroom before," I tease her. It makes me laugh because that's definitely something I have done to other partners. I don't have as many excuses for those decisions now when I think about them; actually, I almost feel bad.
Maybe having to fight for someone has made me a little softer.
The last thing I want to do is run when Shepard comes back out of the bathroom. She'd been moving so quickly on the way in that I didn't notice she was wearing my shirt. And damn can she wear it, even if it's oversized and the extra fabric for my cowl doesn't exactly work on her.
Actually, I kind of love that it's oversized. She looks smaller than usual, and it's adorable on her.
I might be staring because Shepard fidgets with the hem a little and then offers, "I just grabbed it. I didn't know if - "
"No, that's...I honestly think you wear it better." Shepard rolls her eyes at me, but it's an effort to hide her blush, so I let it go. "So...you told me not to leave."
"Are you going to make me tell you that I want you to stay?" she asks, crossing her arms over her chest and falling back into that sexy, hip-cocked stance I like so much. I copy it, making it my own - neither of us has decided who did it first - and she grins immediately. "Just get back in bed, would ya?"
I might laugh, but I'm not stupid enough to argue that. Shepard climbs back into her bed first, and I follow happily, arranging myself comfortably on my side with a pillow folded in half. I don't mind the adjusted position or that human beds are apparently softer than Turian; it's comfortable.
And she's here, so I'd sleep on rocks without complaining.
Shepard lays on her side as well, facing me even though I know from experience that she'll roll away eventually. I feel the stress of the day drain me as soon as we're comfortable, her leg hooked over my hip, and our hands tangled between us. I can see her fading quickly, so I press my forehead to hers and let that soft tingle lull me to sleep.
Something snaps me awake suddenly, my senses on alert immediately, and I curse myself for not even bringing my visor up here. I stay still and quiet, prepared to identify the threat...and then realize almost instantly that there isn't one.
Shepard woke me up when she kicked me; I know because I watch her kick the other leg. I stay on alert only because this isn't a normal movement for a sleeping Shepard. A low, pained moan confirms my fears that it's a nightmare.
Solana had nightmares when she was a kid. I remember trying to wake her up once when I heard her screaming in the middle of the night, and she punched me square in the jaw. It's the only time my sister has gotten away with hitting me when I didn't hit her right back. I want to stop Shepard's pain, but I'm certain she can hit a lot harder than Solana, and I don't really want her to break my jaw.
Her back arches off the bed, and she lets out a terrified sounding whimper. I can't leave her trapped in whatever makes Commander Elle Shepard sound that scared; it's worth the broken jaw.
"Shepard," I murmur, leaning up on my elbow but trying not to startle her. She doesn't react, fists tightening around the blankets. From my new position, I can see the fear on her face. "Elle," I call, a little louder this time.
For a moment, I think it worked, and she tenses up. But it's not enough, and the dream drags her back under. It's my job to keep her safe.
I go all in, risking life and limb knowing this woman. I don't want to pin her down, far too much of a coward to ever ask what's in these nightmares when I know just a bit about her past, but I know how to ground her. So I reach over her, capturing both of her arms against her body, and then smoothly roll her away from me before tugging back against me.
She'd have to try to punch me in the jaw like this.
"Come back to me, Kid," I breathe directly into her ear this time, nuzzling the sensitive skin just below it. She gasps sharply, and her biotics send out a brief, protective spark, so I know she's awake. I take it slow, assuming she's dazed and shaken. "That's my girl. You're OK." I repeat that last bit to her while Shepard shudders violently in my arms and then heaves for air.
"Garrus," she whispers, voice shaking as much as the rest of her.
"I'm here, I'm right here." I give a quick bite on her shoulder, knowing that the physical pain can help to counter the psychological one. She jumps but then settles a bit more, leaning back into me. "I've got you. What was it that you called me? After the concussion?"
She laughs briefly, the sound a little forced but a lot relieving. "An archangel. Warrior."
"Yeah, that's it. There's an archangel in your bed; nothing can get to you here."
I feel all of the weight and stress leave her body in a rush, and she slumps heavily. Before I can respond to her, Shepard breaks my hold on her to roll over and then launches herself at me, throwing her arms around my neck and burying her face in my cowl.
"Hey, hey, you alright?" I slip my hands under the shirt she's wearing to rub her back, hoping the skin-on-skin contact continues to help in some small way.
"I am now," she answers, her voice stronger this time. The answer relieves me, grateful that I could do something to help. After a beat, she pulls away a little and searches my eyes. "Sorry. I don't…" She trails off, but I don't want her to finish anyway.
"What are you sorry for? The nightmare?"
"That you had to see it. See me like that."
My heart aches, and I lean down, rubbing my nose gently against hers before pressing our foreheads together. I hear her gasp a bit. "There's no part of you I don't want to see. And I'm glad that I was here. I always want to be there for you."
She smiles, her hand slipping under my fringe. "You always are."
"Come here." I roll onto my back, the propped up pillow keeping the position from being uncomfortable. Shepard cuddles up to my side and hooks her leg over my waist, curling her hand around the edge of my cowl to hold onto me. I wrap an arm around her hip and inhale the cinnamon scent of her hair.
It lulls me to sleep quickly, and the last thing I feel before I slide under is Shepard kissing my chest.
We'll take on the universe tomorrow, but for the moment, it feels like all is right in the world.