CONGRATULATIONS to seddie4thewin for being the 100th commenter… is that even a word? I don't know. BUT YAY! I MADE IT! MY BOOK HAS 100 COMMENTS BECAUSE OF YOU GUYS!
I'm gonna cry in peace while you guys are reading this chapter...
chapter forty
"I felt..." I cleared my throat as I start off again. "I felt sparks... when Freddie would touch me every time we do the "you know"," I air quoted as she understood what I was saying. "And how he would look at me with those damn big brown eyes, I felt safe and protected... when we would have sex I always feel goosebumps that meant something I've never felt from Jonah before and that's why it's confusing me, you know?"
"So, this started when you guys had sex for the first time. Did you have that same feeling for the other - times?" She asked with an eyebrow raised.
"Well... yeah." I shrugged hesitatingly. "I mean, how he stared at me had emotions I couldn't describe, and that's when I felt safe," I answered while feeling goosebumps on my arms thinking about Freddie's hands touching me so gently and his eyes showing such passion with the same sparkle I loved. "And those times, I could feel my heart pumping to the point I couldn't breathe."
"Mhmm..." Carly hummed. She took a moment of silence before speaking again. "That's called love."
My heart jumped after hearing that word.
Love.
Love can mean two things; the first definition of love is loving someone you care about if it's a family member or best friend. The second definition is loving someone you want to spend the rest of your life with and cherish them until the day you die. In Carly's way of love is the second definition. This reminds me of when I've visited Uncle Carmine and spoke to him about my feelings on Freddie; then he told me the same thing about loving him. If two people are saying this then that's a big problem...
"My god..." I muttered.
"What is it?"
"This. My uncle and now you are saying I love Freddie and I didn't even see it coming." I explained, frustratingly running my hand through my hair. "But you know what really threw me off?"
"What?" Carly asked.
"Three days ago... I talked to Freddie about the situation and..." I trailed off staring at Carly as she looks back at me with that puppy dog look for me to continue talking. "Freddie told me he was in love with me."
She gasped theatrically as she covered her mouth with her hand. "What?! So I was right? I was just saying that to get that trick on you, but I didn't know he actually said that!" She cheered behind her hand.
I rolled my eyes and nodded my head at her shocked reaction. "Yeah... but I probably ruined everything by pushing him away, literally." I muttered.
Carly dropped her hand and stared at me with her eyebrows furrowed and her eyes showing disappointment. "You what? Why would you do that?"
Her tone sounded mad and serene at the same time and I couldn't argue about that. I'm disappointed in myself for pushing him away and having that talk with him when he left to stay at Gibby's. I never felt so alone without him there and spending time together like we used to. Usually, if we had a fight, we would make up a couple of hours later and laugh about it but this time is different.
This time I really hurt Freddie and I never wanted to do that to him. I just want everything to go back to normal and have Freddie back into my life without him ignoring me. I want the Freddie who makes fun of me sometimes, but I like it, and his charming smile that makes me happy, and just his wonderful personality...
"I guess I was scared," I whispered answering Carly's previous question. "I thought I would never fall in love with someone else after Jonah and having a feeling of being in love with Freddie scares the hell out of me because I'm afraid he would hurt me."
"Has he hurt you in any way before?"
"No, but–"
"Then why would you think he would hurt you like that other guy did?" She asked curling a strand of hair with her finger. She does have a point. Freddie has never hurt me in any way to make me feel uncomfortable or worse, and he has always been there for me when I needed him the most. I know in the pit of my stomach that he wouldn't hurt me emotionally like Jonah had, and I need to know that there are some good guys out there who are like Freddie. But Freddie is different, he's my best friend and we've been through everything together without abandoning each other.
I really want to make this right and not having to worry about the end results later.
I watched Carly as she's still twirling her hair while staring at me waiting for me to answer her question. "It's like what I said before, I didn't want to get hurt again. I thought my last relationship was going great until he told me about the other girls behind my back. I want Freddie to know that I didn't mean to do what I did and hopefully, he would understand why I did it." I sighed, getting a deeper sigh from Carly.
"Sam, Sam, Sam. I know you're smarter than this. You're afraid that your best friend in the whole wide world, not to forget your friends with benefits, is going to hurt you after that? You need to start believing that some men in the world are bastards and some are good guys." She explained. She couldn't be more right about that. It's just like what I was thinking about before, and Freddie is one of the good guys... he's the one who doesn't need to try hard being a gentleman as he's already used to it. He's the one who helped me with my bruises when that older guy at Mal-Mart tried to take me and Freddie came to my rescue. And he was the one who was there for me that night when everything changed.
That night changed everything...
That night made me think about how my real feelings have changed for one person who I love and adore so much. Every time I think about him my heart beats faster than it needs to be from looking at his remarkable face. What I'm saying probably doesn't mean much, but it means so much to me even though I'm too late to figure out anything.
I can't stop thinking about him as we speak. I want to be with him all the time and be the only one he wants to be with because I want to be the girlfriend he's never dated before. I want to make his life different by letting him know no one is going to leave him for anything including me.
I gaze at Carly next to me while my head is swirling with words in my head trying to find the right sentence to say next. "I want to know how I can tell him everything I want to say."
"Well I'll tell you what not to do; don't be a pussy." She said directly. That's one way of putting it. "But what you need to do is apologize in person and tell him how you feel. You're not gonna call him like in those damn movies, you're gonna step up and be a woman going to get your man!"
"But what if–"
"No buts! Samantha Puckett, you will march down to him and tell Freddie how you feel! Because romance is a beautiful thing and I won't have you ruin that scene for me by not doing anything, you understand me!" She yelled.
I flinched from her outburst but nodded my head eagerly at her question as I couldn't find words to say.
Carly's eyes turn calm as she cleared her throat. "Sorry about that... I just love happy endings." She muttered playing the ends of her hair with her fingers.
"Ugh! You're one of those girls." I rolled my eyes meeting one of the preppy girls.
"Precisely. And I love watching people fall in LOVE. It's just so beautiful, you want to melt!" She cooed as she smiles widely.
"Uh huh..." I muttered. Geez, what's with girls and romantic movies?
"Listen, I know we haven't known each other that much, but Freddie seems like the guy who wouldn't want to hurt a girl. Especially you," she points her finger at me. "So I think you need to rethink your concept about him."
It was my turn to argue, "but what if he doesn't listen to me? You should've seen his face when he told me how he felt on me pushing him away." I pushed myself off the couch and paced in front of Carly in the living room. "God, it feels like I'm in a romantic comedy with these damn cliché scenes and then I'm gonna jump up with music starting to play and me singing about how I feel. This is not gonna be Gabriella Montez when she sang "When There Was Me and You" crap!" I raged.
"Then don't do that! You have to be Sam Puckett and tell him how you feel, not millions of people you don't know from their televisions and phone screens." Carly said.
I stopped pacing and thought how this is going to work. She's right, I have to step up and tell Freddie how I feel without backing out. I have to do this right and do it as soon as possible before I lose him for good. I can't lose him...
"Okay... I'll do it."
"Outta girl!" Carly stood up and walked over to me, stopping at my face. "So when are you going to tell him?"
"Probably tomorrow? I need to gather my thoughts on what to say." I answered.
"Whatever you need to do to end this once and for all." She nodded, and I groaned mentally at her sappy movie talk. My eyes find something that is marked on her cheek and my jaw drops at the image.
"Ooh... sorry about slapping you earlier."
Carly grinned and waved dismissingly. "Eh, it's alright. You needed to get your word out, and you so happened to use it on my face." She giggled.
I shook my head impressed that a girl like her is willing to help me and did that by making me slap her in the face without knowing her plan. She's a genius I must say. She knew what to say to make me think about this situation and actually bring my feelings out after keeping them for so long. And I know just what to do when I see Freddie tomorrow.
Carly Shay is not a bad person after all, just a weird one.
You definitely don't want to miss next week.