I am so sorry it has taken me so long to update this, the holidays were hectic and then life just got in the way. But I'm back now and I'm hoping to keep a weekly update schedule for the future. :)
I am so overwhelmed by the response to this story. Thank y'all so much for your sweet words and excitement over it. I am so grateful.
hear my plea (and come save my life)
chapter ii
At his words, Rey feels everything within her freeze.
"What?" She whispers.
Ben is still looking at her, his brows knitted in concentration. His eyes are tracing over her face as if it holds the answer to some complex equation.
He still has the ability to gaze at her with such intensity that it seems as though nothing exists apart from them. It makes the breath catch in Rey's throat.
How was he here? Did he really not know her?
She isn't sure how long she would have stayed standing there, frozen with her fingers inches away from Ben's cheek. But a man's voice breaks the silence from behind them.
"Well, I can tell this conversation calls for some tea." He says, already setting aside his hoe and making his way into the cabin. "Or perhaps something stronger."
Inside the dwelling, the man introduces himself as M'tork as he begins rummaging about the small kitchen. Dried herbs are hanging in front of a window and he began plucking at them to put some into a kettle for tea. He keeps up a steady stream of words as he works to which Rey only half listens.
She sits at the small wooden table, her head and heart still reeling from what just happened outside. She can't help sneaking glances at Ben. He leans against the far wall, arms crossed over his broad chest.
He doesn't take his eyes from her. While they lack the intensity they had out of doors, there is still a focus to them. Like a scholar studying some important artifact. Rey can feel a flush beginning to climb up the back of her neck.
M'tork hands her an earthenware mug filled with hot, sweet smelling tea. He gestures to Ben with another but Ben waves him off. M'tork shrugs and takes the tea for himself and sits down opposite Rey at the table.
"So," He begins. "You seem to know Yeled here...wait, what was it you called him again?"
"Ben." Even though she had just taken a sip of tea, her throat feels dry as she speaks. "His name is Ben."
"You knew me?" Ben's voice asks and Rey can't help but bask in the sound of it.
She looks over to him. His brows are furrowed again. It's more openly confused than perhaps she's ever seen him before.
"Yes, I knew you."
How empty the words feel coming from her mouth. What answer could she even give? Did words even exist that could express what they'd shared. The secrets they'd shared, spoken or not.
"You seem shocked to see him, why is that?" M'tork asks carefully, bringing her back to the present.
Rey grips her mug tighter.
"Because…" She stops, closes her eyes and takes a deep breath.
Rey opens her eyes and turns to look at Ben as she says. "Because a year ago I watched you die."
The look on Ben's face at the statement makes Rey wonder if she could have phrased it better.
It's the closest to pure shock she has ever seen on his face. She had never had to rely solely on facial cues with Ben before, the bond had always told her what was simmering beneath the surface. But now...
He looks like a droid whose central processing unit has stopped working.
M'tork's voice interrupts before Rey can try at any awkward salvaging. "Died? A year ago? How is that possible?"
Rey can only give the profound answer of shrugging. "I don't know."
"Hmm…" M'tork brings a hand up the stroke the beard on his chin in concentration. Rey had been so distracted by Ben that she hadn't paid much attention to the man across them her. She notices now how many lines there are around his eyes and mouth. His head is bald but grey whiskers line his jaw. He seems kind, if perhaps a touch nosy.
"How did you two meet?" Rey asks.
Ben still seems to be having some computing error so M'tork answers. "I found Yeled, or Ben I suppose I should call him, about four moon cycles ago, wandering in the forest. Looking worse for the wear too. His clothes were torn as if he'd been in battle and with no memories as how he'd got here or who he was."
"Wait," Rey looks between the men before setting on Ben. "You don't remember anything ?"
"I…" Ben shakes his head. "No. Nothing really..."
Now it's Rey's turn to have trouble processing.
Four months. That was around when the dreams had begun. Had Ben been calling her? But, how could he even be alive and why would it take him so long after the battle to show up?
Something occurs to Rey as she goes over what M'tork had said. "The clothes…You said the clothing was battle worn. Do you still have it?"
Ben heads over to a small chest in the corner of the living area of the cottage and pulls out a dark bundle of fabric. "The pants were too far gone but this could be mended."
He hands her the folded cloth. She unfolds the sweater, the fabric soft and thick in her hands. She feels over the knit of the sweater until she finds what she is looking for. The hole, sown over with thread that is a lighter shade than the material, where a lightsaber had cut through.
"You were wearing this, the day you…" Rey can't bring herself to finish the sentence.
She traces her fingertips over the thread repairing the rip. "It was the Battle of Exegol. We fought together."
The memories of the battle play in her mind as they so often do. How hopeless she had felt, walking to Palpatine, willing to take the throne to save her friends' lives, willing to lose herself if that is what it took.
But then, Ben had come. He had come for her. She knew then, no matter the outcome, she would be fine.
She wasn't alone any longer.
Overwhelmed, Rey sets the sweater on the table and stands abruptly. "I'm sorry, I need…"
She doesn't finish the sentence before she is hurrying out of the cabin. The sun is low in the sky and the air has taken on a chill that immediately raises gooseflesh on her arms as she walked to the edge of the property.
She takes in deep gulps of cool air, but they don't seem to reach her lungs. Rey can feel the panic beginning to raise in her chest.
Wrapping her arms around herself, she crouches, and tries to breathe.
"Well, I can't say this is how I expected the day to go." M'tork says as he finishes off his tea that must have long since gone cold. "Well, Ben, what do you think?"
Ben. His name is Ben. It feels uncomfortable, the way cold limbs feel submerged in warm water with little pinpricks of awakening. Uncomfortable but not wrong.
"I think I've got a headache."
M'tork laughs at his poor attempt at humor. "Can't blame you for that."
He sits down at the table, touching the sweater where it was left lying. The events of the last few hours still reeling in his head. Yet it keeps coming back to one thing.
The girl and the way she had looked at him.
"Do you really think she knows me?"
"She certainly seems to."
"Mm." He rubs the fabric between his fingers, staring down at it.
M'tork sighs. "Truth is, this all feels a bit out of my sphere. Jedi and battles and all that?"
He strokes his beard. "But I've heard of the battle of Exegol before. It's where the Emperor and the First Order were taken out. And apparently, you were there."
Ben turns to him and M'tork continues. "She seems like your best shot to regain your memories. To find out who you were."
His past? Surely, he should want to know, so why the feeling of dread at the thought.
He can not deny how restless he is, how empty he feels most days, how the confusion and questions eat away at him in the night. Yet, when he thinks too hard about himself, about who he is, his stomach tenses in warning. Does he want to find out why that is?
He thinks of the girl, her hazel eyes and the way she had stared at him transfixed. As if there was nothing else besides him.
"Ben." M'tork voice breaks into his thoughts and he looks over to him. His dark eyes are kind, the way they've been since he'd met him. "You can't run away."
The sun had nearly set by the time Rey had gotten herself back under control. Staring out into the darkening forest, she rubs her arms. She really should head back inside but she can't quite make her feet move yet.
"I brought you this." A deep voice says from behind her, a voice she would know anywhere. Her chest aches at its loveliness. She turns, and there is Ben holding out a blanket to her.
"It gets pretty cold out here at night." He says by way of explanation.
She reaches out to take it. "Thank you."
The air is quickly cooling to uncomfortable levels and Rey is grateful for the blanket as she wraps it around her shoulders. She feels oddly shy all the sudden and huddles deeper into the cloth and stares at the dirt.
"What's your name?"
"Huh?" Her head pops up at Ben's question.
He's rubbing at the back of his neck. "Your name. You never said it."
"Oh." Rey feels her cheeks heat at the oversight.
"Rey S…" She stops when she realizes that she is standing in front of the true heir to the Skywalker name and embarrassment floods her and stops her from saying it. "It's Rey."
"Rey." He repeats and it causes a shiver to run through her that has nothing to do with the cold. In the deepening twilight, she can still make out his features and the way the corner of his mouth tilts up as he says it, softening his features. She heart leaps at the sight.
"So, we fought together?"
Rey nods. "More than once." She stops a moment, considers, and then says. "You were also a Jedi."
Not technically a lie.
His eyes widen for a moment before a look of contemplation takes over his face. "Hmm, the sudden floating furniture makes more sense now."
Rey can't help but grin at his dry tone. Even missing his memories, at least he was still connected to the Force, that was good.
He focuses on her a moment longer before he turns his head to look out over the garden. "Do you know how to get my memories back? Or why any of this is happening?"
She shakes her head. "No."
She fists the blanket in her hands to keep from reaching out for him. "But we can find out."
Rey looks up at him, studies his profile in the pale blue light, until Ben meets her gaze once more.
"I'll help you."
They head back inside, Ben opening the door for Rey in some ingrained compulsion he can't place.
M'tork has lit a fire in the hearth while they were outside and lanterns sit on the table and counter to light the space, giving a comforting warm glow to the cabin.
"Ah, there you are." M'tork addresses him without looking up from the vegetables he is cutting. "Grab the cheese from the conservator for dinner."
M'tork has already set out bread and salted meat on the table. Ben sets the cheese next to it before going to grab plates for the food, a routine he does each night.
Rey asks if there is anything she might do to help and M'tork waves her off with his knife before continuing chopping away.
Rey. Rey. Rey.
Ben repeats the name in his head. The name fits her somehow. There's a rightness to it that he can't remember having felt before.
He looks over at her. She still has the blanket wrapped around her. Is she cold? She has a light tan, is the planet she's from warmer than here? She catches him watching her and smiles over at him, her cheeks still pink from the cool of the outdoors.
Quickly he focuses back on the plates as he feels his cheeks heat.
She was adorable.
He'd thought it outside when she'd beamed up at him, so overwhelmed by it that he'd had to focus on the radishes in the garden. Ben's chest tightens each time he looks at her, aching for something he has no name for. Everything about her captivates him.
How can she make him feel more in four minutes than he'd felt in the four months since he'd woken up on the forest floor, alone and with a root digging into his back? What was she to him?
He hadn't been lying earlier when he'd joked with M'tork about his headache. There's a sharp pain in his temples that had progressively gotten worse. Mixed in with the whirlwind of emotions taking over his gut, Ben finds himself glaring down at the plate in his hands. An impulse to break it rears up within him and he closes his eyes as he struggles against it. It's not the first time the inclination has taken hold and Ben battles against it.
Once he's mastered himself, Ben takes the plates over to the table. As he seats them on the table, he notices Rey looking at him questioningly. He can't help but look away feeling oddly guilty for some reason. Luckily, M'tork intervenes by bringing over the vegetables and proclaiming they eat.
Once sitting he inquires, "Have you thought of any way to get Ben's memories back?"
Rey stops to chew a rather large bite of bread before answering. "I'm not entirely sure. I have some Jedi texts that I'd like to look at. To see if something like this has ever occurred before."
She pauses to crunch down on a piece of carrot. "Ben was a Jedi like me so I can only think that the Force is as good a place as any to start. But the books are back on Yavin…"
She seems strangely hesitant but before he can question her, M'tork looks over to him with his bushy eyebrows raised and says. "A Jedi, huh? So it was the Force that day."
About a month prior, in an attempt to keep a shelf in the shed from falling onto M'tork's head, he'd stopped it in midair and made to float. There hadn't been any conscious thought, instead it had been natural, like breathing. M'tork had thought it may have been something called the Force and had tried to clumsily explain it to Ben. The explanation had only brought more questions rather than answers.
"How is it you know of the Force and the Jedi? Most only think of them as legends if they've heard of them at all." Rey asks M'tork.
"I spent some time on Jehda, oh must have been nearly seventy years ago now. There was a temple there. I'd talked with the monks sometimes." His smile takes on a melancholy edge. "But that's all gone now."
He is swift to continue on. "So I'm guessing you'll need to head back for those texts?"
Rey nods, peeking over at him. "Tomorrow, perhaps. If Ben wants."
He notices the freckles that play across her nose and finds himself agreeing before he's aware of it.
"Well, good, sounds like you've got the next step." M'tork stands and begins to clear the table. "We should head to bed soon. Dawn comes early in these parts."
"You can have my bed." Ben offers to Rey. There is only one proper bedroom in the cabin so Ben stays on a pallet made up on the storeroom floor. It was cramped but better than nothing.
"Are you sure?" Rey glances up at him.
Ben gets the impression of a gruff voice speaking to him and a hand ruffling his hair.
Pretty ladies always get the bed, kid. Couches are our domain.
He isn't sure where the thought comes from and why it makes his eyes burn so he shoves it aside as fast as he can.
He nods to Rey. "Yeah. Yeah, I'm sure."
There was a large chair by the hearth he could use. He is sure his back won't thank him for it come morning. The soft smile that Rey graces him with makes the impending discomfort seem worth it though.
In the night, Rey awakens.
There's no dream waking her this time. Instead some unreasonable dread that she's found Ben gone once more has her tip-toeing away from her makeshift bed to make sure he is still there. She stops in the doorway of the storeroom and peers out into the living area.
She spots him, still awake, sitting in front of the low burning fire. He's leaning forward with his forearms resting against his thighs. The light from the flames of the fireplace flickered over his profile as Rey admires him.
His hair is mussed as it falls down his neck, brushing his broad shoulders. His expression is sullen, his full lips pulled down at the corners. She traces the strong line of his nose with her eyes.
He seems so desperately alone that it makes her ache.
She longs to reach out, to tell him she feels it too.
Unable to stay in the shadows, she goes to him. Ben's eyes flit up and see her. He says nothing but he does not take his eyes off her as she approaches. Rey finds that she has no words to say either. Instead, she takes a seat next to him and watches the dying fire from beside him.
She will not let him be alone again.
Thank you for reading!