Chapter 14
Before coming into servitude, C.C. would never have understood the meaning of the word "famished". Nor would she have understood what it meant to be "exhausted".
As a lady, she'd never had to worry about where her next meal was coming from, or if there was going to be enough of it. Neither had she ever had to worry about finishing anything up before she could go to sleep, or spend a day in a pained haze because she had only had a couple of hours instead of a full night.
However, that wasn't the case when one worked as a servant – and that went doubly so now that she was a lady-in-waiting! Her mealtimes and duty hours were different compared to the rest of the household, plus emergencies sometimes meant that she had to get up at a moment's notice, so she had to get things for herself and rest simply when she could.
Getting back into a routine at the palace, after so many glorious weeks at the lodge, seemed to be proving difficult. And not just because she was suddenly faced with a different routine, and had clearly caught something from one of the others as soon as she'd gotten there (the constant chills and the fevers were not a nice "welcome back" gift, they just made her workday harder).
It was the fact that she had suddenly found herself so far away from Niles.
Saying goodbye to him outside the lodge on the morning he'd left had been like watching someone take a large hammer to her heart. She almost hadn't been able to bear it, even when he'd bowed and kissed the back of her hand, as any gentleman would do for a lady, and had quietly told her that he would see her again soon.
"Soon" might as well have been decades away, in her mind. Ironically enough, it was also her mind that gave her the most comfort – by giving her images of how they could be, once he had returned. He certainly wrote to her often enough; she'd gotten so many letters, all talking about the places he'd seen and the people he'd spoken to. And he'd always end them with how much he missed her.
She only wished that she could write back, and tell him the same (it felt like a gaping hole that got larger with each passing day), but his party would have moved on by the time that it got to where they'd been...
So, she could only have her mind, and her dreams. Wondrous images of Niles riding in through the palace gates, on his horse and galloping at full speed, slowing her and jumping to the ground, before taking off running up the steps and bursting in.
He always hurried straight to her room, searching as he went but eventually appearing at her door. Sometimes in her mind, she was reading his letters at her table, and in others, she was sat at the window, looking forlorn while the box where she kept them lay open on her bed...
Either way, it always continued when he said something clever that caught her attention, and she got to run into his arms and be swept up into a tight, loving embrace and a passionate kiss...
Just as passionate as the ones they'd already shared (gosh, she always blushed when she thought about those!). Even more so, if they could have more of them.
It was precisely the thought of all the future kisses they could share, what distracted her from her uneventful routine. Thinking about what they were and what they could be, to the point where the longing ached deep within her, unable to be shifted, was what kept her going in his absence. Still, not having him close was a burden she was struggling to carry.
Even Marie's own spectacular welcome had done very little to help, which only made C.C. feel even worse because the dresses and jewellery that she'd had made for her were all beautiful. They were meant to be a surprise for coming back, and they certainly were, after the hugs and kisses she'd been given as she walked in through the door.
But still, it could never hold up in comparison to the kiss she felt on his lips daily.
The night they'd kissed and fallen asleep had been beyond anything she'd ever experienced – it had been a moment where she'd thought it was all destined to be over, but fate and feeling had proved her wrong! It was as real for him as it was for her (and that was a shock in itself), and nothing could stop it.
Not even the sudden dizzy spell she had as she sighed just upon remembering her latest daydream, forcing her to lean against the wall for a few moments before she could head to the kitchen and try to satiate her hunger.
There were more people in the kitchen than she'd imagined when she got there, which pleased her – it usually meant the stew on the fire that the cooks had prepared would still be warm, and there might be some bread to go with it. She could see some of the servants at the table having some – including Prudence, whose glare she ignored as she went by (making a note to remind Niles of about it when he got back) – and she headed slowly off (she was obviously still feeling a little weary and maybe the room might've been too hot) to grab herself a bowl and spoon.
Unfortunately there was no bread left, but she got her bowl filled nicely by one of the cooks to make up for the lack (plus a few words telling her to get more rest because she clearly needed it), and C.C. carried her food carefully back to the table.
It wasn't the magnificent feast she'd shared with Niles, but then again, nothing was.
She was just about to dip her spoon into the steaming beef and vegetable stew, when a sharp voice halted her in her tracks.
"So, look who's decided to debase her new position to grace the lower orders with her presence?
Prudence. Of course it would be her. She was still sticking C.C. a haughty look, like sharp, expensive daggers, from across the table, hating deeper than rainwater could penetrate or absorb.
That was on people, or in the ground, too.
The older woman didn't care if everybody in the whole world knew how much and how greatly she loathed that whore. Who the hell did she think she was, imagining herself high and mighty enough to take the prince for weeks like the common slut she was, only to get waited on hand and foot in between bending over or opening her legs, and then still having the gall to take payment at the end of it all!
Did she really have no shame?! She supposed this whole thing truly answered her question, even without getting to berate the whore for not keeping her legs shut. She did not dare question the prince's integrity – a man could do as he pleased with whores who did not pretend to have rights to a station they should never have been granted.
On top of that, she was well aware that the man was sending her letters (so many of them, too!), and Prudence wanted to tread very carefully around that. She'd scoffed at the idea at first (why would he bother writing to his latest broken toy? He never did that), but when the proof positive had turned up one breakfast, Lady Babcock reading it with the stupid smile of a slut who'd had her head smacked against a headboard too many times, she hadn't been able to deny it anymore.
It had made her fume, just beneath her skin. There were whispers among the maids that he really and truly was besotted, and those only added to her rage and discomfort by putting a bad taste in her mouth that she wanted to spit straight back out.
It couldn't happen – it shouldn't be allowed! No true prince in his right mind would ever dream of wasting his affections on that! She wasn't a lady – she was nothing but a glorified prostitute, and it was shameful and embarrassing that the prince was treating her as though she was anything more!
Prudence wasn't about to treat her as more. She was going to put her exactly in the place that she deserved to be – and hopefully, that would be out on the street. Back where they'd found her. All she had to do was use what information she had, at the right time. Words truly were weapons, and sometimes they were better than silly ideas that princes fell in love with stupid, whorish servants who had no business becoming queens.
Momentarily leaving her food, C.C. blinked up at her, "Can I help you?"
Prudence turned more in her seat, leaning one arm on the table and tapping her nails irritably against the wood. She still looked...not more annoyed than C.C. had ever seen her – right then her expression was tied for every other time C.C. had ever seen her annoyed.
"I could very well ask the same thing of you, my lady," the older maid practically spat the last two words, as if they were grievous insults. "Perhaps we all should've stood up when you came in? Pulled out a chair for you, and served you a steaming bowl of our food, cooked for us? Maybe you wanted some of our bread, too? The bread that we earned, but would of course give over if your ladyship asked because what other choice would we have?"
C.C. sat there and listened, her mouth slowly becoming a frown, but not truly understanding – what had she done to make Prudence say all of these things?! She hadn't come in acting high and mighty or anything like that (if anything, she had nearly slumped, after a moment where her body had turned weak) – she didn't expect special treatment for any reason, and she had been planning on minding her own business whilst she ate, and then leaving once she was done! She had yet to help Queen Marie prepare for bed, so the sooner she finished eating, the sooner she'd be able to go lie down in her room.
She was starting to feel like she needed to slip into her bed, and nobody could tell her not to fall asleep dreaming about the prince there...
But, first things first, she had to take care of the Head Maid. She was going to give her a piece of her mind at once! There was one thing that Prudence was conveniently overlooking whilst she went on her little tirade: ladies in waiting did hold more standing in the palace than maids did.
She didn't know how she'd take any fighting back – the woman was so proud and self-righteous that it could all lead to a stalemate and nothing – but C.C. was going to try, even as tired and heavy as she felt. She'd already missed a great deal of Prudence's next attempts at belittling and mocking her, so she waited as patiently (trying a little to come across as bored or annoyed) as she could appear whilst she finished.
"...And up until you were just handed this new position, not one of them lot upstairs had even tried coming down here for it! I can only imagine you're not satisfied with the service you're getting upstairs so you came down here to demand we all worship the ground you walk on?! Like the way you think the prince bows to your every whim?!"
That notion was the straw that broke both the camel's back and C.C.'s pointed, waiting silence. Niles had never once acted like...like some sort of slave for her! She'd never asked him for anything, other than reasonable behaviour,
"Now hang on just a minute!" she cried, as loud as she could make herself without feeling dizzy (since when had that come on...?). "Since when have I ever asked anybody down here to "worship the ground I walk on"? I would never ask Ni–His Royal Highness...to do anything for me! He is his own man, and can do as he pleases. And I know you would never bow to it, Prudence – the only thing I can imagine you worshipping is yourself, you think you're so much holier than the rest of us!"
That immediately sent Prudence into a stunned fit of anger. The kind where she could do nothing about what had just been said to her because she didn't fully believe it had happened, but at the same time she knew it had happened enough for the anger to build. The only reaction for such an occasion was to puff out her chest in indignation.
A mere girl with ideas above her station had just spoken to her like that?! It was inconceivable! In all her years at the palace, everyone had kept their place and not moved past their boundaries, and now this little upstart thought she could just waltz in and take whatever she wanted as though she were their queen or something!
She'd never be their queen, no matter if that was what she wanted or not (and why wouldn't that slut enjoy the power?). Especially once she found out what Prudence had overheard.
When she'd eventually found the ability to speak again (instead of just making a scoffing and gasping noise) she did so with fervour.
"How dare you speak of me that way?!" she cried. "I am not the one getting the idea that I can just come and go and take whatever I please like some sort of arrogant, self-satisfied thief!"
"Excuse me?!" snapped C.C., getting back to her feet (a little unsteadily, but managing). "A thief? What have I stolen?! I only came here to have my dinner, like any other servant!"
Prudence scoffed loudly, almost as if C.C. had said something preposterous.
"Oh my! Has Her Ladyship compared to us, mere servants?" she said mockingly, ready to drop her big piece of news. "Now to what do we owe such honour, milady? You know, since now you are rubbing shoulders with your betters and thinking you belong with them! Well, you are about to have your eyes opened, you common little slut. You're no better than us and your only hook in the upstairs world is about to be released! The king declared it himself – Prince Niles is to be married by his next birthday!"
The words came like a bolt of lightning, straight into C.C.'s mind and her heart.
She didn't think that she'd heard correctly at first; she couldn't have, could she? It didn't make any sense! It sounded like...it sounded like Niles hadn't told her that he was going to be married...
"What...?!"
Her voice dropping immediately to a desperate whisper clearly pleased Prudence, but she was too lost to care. All she heard were the words being repeated with a smirk.
"His Royal Highness, Niles, the Prince of Wales, and your superior in every sense of the word, is going to be married by this time next year. He won't have time for you any longer once he is, so best enjoy being turned over and taken in every direction while you can, you pathetic little whore of Babylon!"
C.C. felt her heart, which had been repairing ever since she and Niles had had to part, crack completely in two again, and she staggered a little, the backs of her legs hitting the kitchen bench she'd been sat on.
No...
No, Prudence had to be wrong! What she'd heard must've been incorrect! It all had to be – Niles hadn't told her a thing about him getting married, and he'd obviously have to be the first to know! He was the groom, nobody got married without knowing so they could plan and get prepared, right?! King Joseph would've told him, wouldn't he?! He was a cruel man, granted, but he openly declared anything he did for his son! That had to extend to this!
Her mind was swimming already, and in that dark ocean of thought, sharks of doubt started to circle.
Unless...unless Niles had known already, and had known all along?
The crack in her heart splintered, and to her that felt like the truth being released.
Of course he'd known! Her mind was practically wailing at this point, all the images of her happy dreams vanishing in an instant and heartbreak starting to pour through the wound they left behind, quickly mixing with burning anger and annoyance at herself for being so naïve.
Of course he didn't tell her he was getting married! He'd never liked her in the first place – not for who she was! He was only in it for what she could offer him in his bed! And when she hadn't easily given in, like all the others, he'd simply come up with a ploy to win her over!
He'd played a manipulative game, and he'd nearly won it twice at the lodge. And the second time – the time she wasn't drunk – had nearly been her own fault! How could she have been so stupid, and not seen it before?! He only wanted her body, and once he'd used it, he'd drop her and find somebody else to use.
He didn't care about her – he never had. He hadn't changed, he'd simply adapted, biding his time until she'd let her guard down enough to get himself in.
She'd been a fool to think that...that he could have loved her.
Just like everyone had kept on saying, right from the start, it was an impossibility to think that there had ever been a chance. And now, the dream was shattered and the cold, lonely reality that would be her life was rearing its ugly head.
It'd always been there. The only difference now was that it was laughing at her for thinking she could escape it.
She'd been stupid to think she could hold his attention for long – that he actually would like to spend his time with her just for who she was and not for what he could get from her, and then grow to love her from there.
The prince didn't love anybody but himself. She should have kept that in mind the whole time, and not allowed it to slip away. She'd forgotten what she'd first told herself when she'd begun her job – she was no one. She was the ghost of the woman she'd once been, and that was just how it was going to stay. He would forget her, sooner or later (probably the former, all things considered ), and he would get himself a new toy. And then another, and another, and that would repeat ad infinitum until his wedding came, and then probably after that, too.
The thought of Niles smiling adoringly at any other woman pierced her heart like a dagger. The mere idea of everything she thought they'd had cracking and shattering like glass around her just driving it in further.
It very nearly made her cry.
But she didn't want to make a scene – not when she knew she had no right, and not in front of Prudence's smug face.
Like Icarus she'd flown too high.
Dreamed too much.
Now…now it was time to go back to reality. And as she went she consoled herself with the thought that least she would never be the woman he humiliated on a daily basis, by being unfaithful in a marriage.
Slowly, she picked herself back up and left her bowl and cutlery with the rest of the dishes to be washed, not looking at Prudence or any of the others stood around watching. She then turned back out into the corridor and began to head upstairs, trying desperately to harden her heart as she went.
Her mistress would be waiting to get ready for bed, and she didn't see any sense in wasting time getting there.
Marie hadn't felt quite this content in a long time.
Well, maybe content was stretching it a little – she'd be content when things were working out even better than they currently were.
Better than Niles and Lady Babcock spending their afternoons together to have tea. Better than her son appearing happier around the palace, and more content within himself than he had been before. Better than him and Lady Babcock spending weeks alone together at his lodge, just the two of them, where Joseph couldn't go and ruin everything that was building so nicely...
He had even been sending her letters, since he'd left. The girl had told the queen about them as soon as she'd received her first one, and Marie had been over the moon.
The girl was changing her boy. She was sure of it, and it settled her heart to know that soon everything could be completely right. She'd see they were together and settled and happy before Joseph could put his terrible, selfish plan into action!
There'd be a wedding, one of these days, but they already knew the bride. It might even happen before Niles' next birthday. And that was the thought that kept her happiest when she needed it, including right that moment.
Of course, that feeling dropped out of her like a stone as soon as her favourite lady-in-waiting stepped through the door she'd just knocked on, to come and help her prepare for bed.
C.C. looked absolutely miserable, like she'd been crying in the corridor and had tried to cover it up on the way there! She looked unwell, too – she was pale about her skin, and looked like she could curl up on the floor to pass out at any moment!
Of course, as soon as she saw that unhappy expression, Marie had leapt up from the side of the bed, where she'd been sat. Even in an instant, her motherly instinct to protect had kicked right in – and that included being angry at what she immediately suspected the cause to be.
Even if it killed her to think so, especially after having so many good thoughts and feelings, who else could it be? Who else dropped women like they were nothing to him, and had all of a sudden been treating C.C. like he thought she was special?
Who else would betray a person's trust like that, and not care because he'd gotten what he'd wanted?
If Niles had just been using that – the special treatment, the lodge visit, the letters, all of it – as some sort of advanced tactic to get Lady Babcock into bed, then Marie didn't really know what she'd do! Especially when she'd thought so long and hard that the only wedding they'd see in the future would be between the two of them!
She didn't know what would happen with that, now this had happened. But what she did know was that she had to find out what had happened from C.C..
Hurrying towards her as fast as possible and ordering every other maid and serving girl in the room out, she cried out as she put her hands on Lady Babcock's upper arms, "Are you alright, chérie? What on Earzh 'as the boy done now?!"
C.C. wasn't going to answer that – how could she? How could she possibly tell the queen that everyone thought she was just a stupid wench, whoring herself to the prince to get favours she'd never receive? Or that she was upset because she obviously wasn't special enough for someone to like her for herself? Or that Niles had just been using her for all that time, and now it was obvious and her trust had been completely broken?
How could she tell her, someone so high above her station, that she was hurting because Niles was going to be engaged to somebody else, and eventually that somebody else (whichever in the list she was) would become Niles' wife, and that eventually was going to be soon because the king was arranging it, and at the end of the day C.C. would just be the toy that Niles had gotten bored of before he could break her?
It was too much. It couldn't be done and it couldn't be changed. She was just an unimpressive, boring, unlovable serving girl. That was all she was ever going to be in life, whether she liked it or not. He'd only wanted her for one thing and she hadn't given it, so that made her useless.
She just had to get used to it. The toy had to go back on the shelf to gather dust, while Niles got his maids and whores and eventually a queen for a wife...
It was the cycle of life and she had to accept it.
But the queen was not to know this. Not when neither she nor her son were to blame for her own naivety and inability to understand her proper place. She was a simple servant, nothing more. A stupid slut, as Prudence had said. She'd been an idiot to think she and the Prince could be anything more.
"His Royal Highness has done nothing to me, Your Majesty," she replied, curtsying to her queen.
It was the truth, in some respects.
"Oh, please, my dear!" Queen Marie scoffed, frowning lightly, "Don't be afraid to tell me zhe truth. I know my own son like zhe back of my 'and – I know 'ow much of a womanizing cad 'e can be! If 'e 'as 'urt you, I want you to tell me."
Marie held her breath as Lady Babcock seemed to carefully consider her words. It was obvious to Marie that something was the matter with the girl – she could try and cloak her sadness behind a forced smile and empty words, but her eyes would always betray her.
They were windows to her soul. Painfully easy to read and a reliable proof of the turmoil within her heart.
It broke Marie's heart to see her so despondent. She still remembered the time he'd held the newborn Lady Babcock in her arms – Joseph had taken her and Niles to visit the Babcocks in an attempt to strengthen his relationship with her Lord father, the Duke of Bedford (and, coincidentally enough, the richest man in England). She hadn't cared one whit for the money – her interest had been on the little baby. The precious little thing that had grown up to be a beautiful woman.
In a world dominated by men, Marie knew from experience that beauty was a double-edged sword. It could land women in positions of great wealth and power, but more often than not, it also brought on heartbreak and loneliness.
Divine creatures, after all, were only to be admired, not listened to. She knew so well – her reputation as the most beautiful woman in Europe had resulted in her late father having to deal with a slew of royal suitors, each more powerful and richer than the next.
They had all wanted a wife – a pretty one at that, to parade around and to feed their own egos with her honeyed words or ecstatic moans of pleasure. None of them had been interested in getting to know her better. Back then she'd found their indifference rather off-putting and more than a little insulting. Now…well… now she knew that they had acted in that way because there had an unspoken implication (obvious to anyone but her) that she was to keep her mouth shut unless told otherwise. Women were only good to be fucked, looked at and to birth offspring. Nothing else.
Nothing more.
She didn't want that to happen to C.C.. From the moment she'd first seen her, she'd hoped the girl would grow up to know love. But not the kind of love all those men simply spoke about to get what they wanted even if they didn't actually show it.
She wanted the girl to have true love, where she was free to be herself and the man who loved her liked seeing her be herself. True love, that didn't hurt or try to upset – only to comfort, support or help. It was, as the Bible said, patient and kind. It didn't boast and it wasn't proud, and neither was it self-seeking.
It simply was. Gentle and pure. Steadfast and welcoming. C.C. deserved somebody who could give that to her.
And, as much as she wanted it to be true, Marie also knew that there was a chance that the man who could do all of that for C.C. simply wasn't Niles.
She might have been dodging something by not getting involved (but Marie had to feel sorry for whatever bride had to travel from her family in Europe to be with them instead...)!
She'd do all she could to punish the boy if the next thing C.C. said incriminated him. Even if he only smirked back and dismissed her, like her own husband often did. She would fight back if that was the case. She was sick of him turning into his father – finding out that he had hurt C.C., and would continue to hurt others, would be the tipping point of the cliff for Marie!
But what the girl said next truly did surprise her.
"He really and truly did nothing, Your Majesty," the girl insisted more firmly. But she then looked at the floor, perhaps ashamed and scared that she'd just spoken out of turn – and rudely, at that.
Not that Marie cared. She was listening to the words, not the tone.
Niles really hadn't done anything? She found that...maybe not as hard to believe as she would have done before, but still – it was something of a surprise! Finding out that he hadn't simply been charming his way into Lady Babcock's underthings was another (large) step in a direction she'd never expected her son to take!
But that did mean that something else was bothering the girl, and she had to find out what it was! She couldn't keep it to herself forever!
"Hm…I see," Marie said, "Well, zhen zhere must be somezhing else zhat's bozhering you, chérie," the queen insisted. "I know you are not well."
C.C. gave the Queen a wan smile and shrugged, "I think I am tired, Your Majesty, and feeling a little under the weather. It's nothing Her Majesty needs to be concerned about."
Marie wasn't so sure about that. She really did look unwell – perhaps she could ask for the doctor to come and quickly check on her? For being such a young thing (and considering she'd grown up surrounded by luxury), she certainly worked hard. Perhaps a little bit too hard.
"Chérie, if zhat is zhe case, I believe you need rest! You should be in your own bed, sleeping. Not 'ere, 'elping me."
"Nonsense, Your Majesty, I am perfectly capable of helping you," C.C. said, bowing to her again, "Do let me help you prepare for bed, and then I shall retire to my room."
Marie wasn't so sure she was going to let that happen. After all sleep – and plenty of it – was crucial for a person's health! How else was she going to function if her head and all her thoughts were clouding over, unable to be retrieved properly because she couldn't concentrate?
No. The girl needed to rest – Marie could quite easily put herself to bed for one night. She'd happily sacrifice it, if that meant Lady Babcock came back to her feeling refreshed. She cared about the girl deeply, and she wanted her to feel alright. And if that meant sending her off so that she could sleep for a day or two to get better, then it was a small price to pay for her friend's health.
"You may retire to your room right now, zhis instant," the queen sounded a little bit more insistent than even the girl had at telling her Niles hadn't upset her. "Zhat is, eef you can make it zhere wizhout collapsing!"
"I will not collapse, Your Majesty, I can assure you that I am––"
"Do not say zhat you are fine!" Marie told her sternly. "I will not stand for eet, when I can see wizh my own two eyes zhat eet eez not true. You need to rest, chérie. You 'ave obviously been working too 'ard, and eet eez catching up wizh you..."
Lady Babcock, unused to being on the receiving end of the Queen's anger, blushed a deep shade of red. She hadn't meant to anger her mistress – she only wanted to do her duty to her. Be a good servant, just like she always had been and always would be. But if her queen wanted her to leave, then she would do as her mistress said.
At least she had been told to go by Marie. Niles was still playing his own game, for all it was worth, and C.C. has simply opened her eyes to it.
"I…I apologise, Your Majesty," she mumbled, curtsying to the queen and trying very hard not to show her embarrassment. "Shall…shall I call for another servant to help Your Majesty get ready for bed?"
Marie pursed her lips – she didn't want the girl going around the palace unaccompanied. She looked weak and tired and could hurt herself when calling for someone else to come help her, which seemed like an unnecessary risk.
The queen shook her head, "I shall do eet myself, chérie. You go, and put yourself in bed."
With that, she ushered her away towards the door.
And, feeling even more now like she could burst into tears again (what kind of useless common wench of a lady-in-waiting was she?!), C.C. went without another word.
She didn't get very far into the corridor before she felt like she wasn't alone.
There was only one person it could be. One maid hadn't left when Marie had asked, because she was finishing preparing the queen's bed at the time. She'd been hidden by what she was doing, and she'd overheard everything that they'd talked about.
"Trouble in paradise already?" Ruth's voice hissed from over her shoulder, before the redheaded maid appeared at her side, grinning with triumphant malice. "Looks like your luck has run out at last, you little slut. Not even Her Majesty wants you around anymore, and she was the last to tolerate you, seeing as the prince will be married soon! Suppose that was only a matter of time, though – who'd want you around for more than five seconds? You're not very interesting when your legs aren't open!"
That did it for C.C.'s heart. She was too tired and weak to fight back, and as Ruth's spiteful bile mixed with the thoughts she'd been having about herself the whole evening (did...did it mean that everything she'd thought about herself was right, if even Ruth saw that Marie didn't want her?!), it broke out on her face in the form of heartbroken tears. She didn't see the satisfied chuckle Ruth gave. She'd already run off, sobbing, down the corridor by the time it happened.
And she didn't stop running until she was well into the gardens. She didn't care that it was night-time, or that there was snow on the ground that threatened to give her a chill – she could freeze solid, for all she cared!
She was just a useless wench of a servant, unloved and unwanted, and nobody would miss her if she was gone. She had no family, Marie had told her to go, and Niles would take other women and he'd soon have a wife too. And he wouldn't care, either!
He never had cared. It had all been a lie, feeding a delusional dream.
She wandered until she collapsed against the roots of the nearest tree, and wept for being a fool to think that she could be anything more than just a stupid wench that no one could ever love, and would amount to nothing.