Okay, so it's been a while. Sorry about that. Between work, the holidays, and keeping up with my other stories things got a way from me a little bit. I know I said this chapter would cover both Shawn/Katy and Shawn/Angela's break-up, but the break-up will be in the next chapter. It just didn't seem to fit organically in this one no matter how much I edited and tried to shove it in, lol.

Thanks so much for all of the feedback. :-) I really appreciate it.

Angela had a palm tree in her front yard; two of them actually. That was Shawn's first thought upon pulling into her driveway. It was an odd, random thing to notice, but today seemed to be the day for odd and random. Not that he was unfamiliar with palm trees- they were a common sight in the trailer park- but much like the tacky pink flamingos that oft accompanied them, those were plastic. These were very real. His phone buzzed and he picked it up to read the text. Angela wanted him to come into the garage. After debating for a few seconds he grabbed his camera and laptop bags from the passenger seat before going in.

"Don't trust my neighborhood," she teased, seeing the bags. "It's pretty safe around here. Mostly former military, some still active, so people have it ingrained to be nosy and look out for each other. But I wouldn't leave anything expensive in my car even if I were in the middle of nowhere, so I get it." She closed the garage door before opening the back of the vehicle to let the dogs out. The jumped down and ran out into the yard.

Shawn stood there awkwardly while Angela removed the kids from the car. He felt like he should offer to help her carry a bag…or even a kid…but she seemed to have a handle on it. She was, after all, used to doing things by herself now.

He looked around the garage, but it was nothing out of the ordinary. There was more gardening equipment than he imagined her having. She had never been what he would call an outdoorsy person and he couldn't picture her spending the day mowing the lawn, trimming hedges, or whatever else was involved with grass and plants. Then again, this was California. Maybe she had a gardener? Or her husband is the gardener…or rather, was the gardener.

"Shawn?"

He spun around and saw her in the doorway. Zora was in her arms and Jude wrapped himself around her leg, his face hidden so he wouldn't have to look at the stranger. "Yeah?"

"Were you planning on staying in here or what?"

"Um, no, sorry. Sorry. It's been a long morning."

"That's okay. Just follow us and close the door behind you."

He did as he was told and, once his eyes again adjusted to the sun, was in awe of the sight before him. Her yard looked like something out of a magazine. It was sensory overload- lush and green and smelled amazing. "You have flowers."

"Why do you sound surprised?"

"I never pictured them in your backyard. Is that a bird of paradise? I thought those were only in Hawaii or on other islands. Wow, what's that over there?"

Angela smiled. She was very proud of her yard and of the fact that she's been able to keep it thriving in spite of everything. "That's the nice thing about San Diego. You can grow stuff all year round."

"Mama, bearsy!"

She looked to where the baby was pointing, towards the raspberry bush. Words were very new to her so Angela often relied on other clues to figure out what she was trying to communicate. "Okay, Zora. We'll get some berries. Let's go inside and get a bowl. Jude, do you want raspberries, too?"

He shook his head. "Orange."

"Okay. Shawn, can you get an orange for Jude, please? And help yourself to something to go with lunch. We've got a raspberry bush, the orange tree, and a peach tree over by the fence. We planted a nectarine tree late last fall, but no fruit yet. Hopefully next year."

"Can I have an orange and a peach?"

She wanted to laugh. He was acting like a little kid who'd never seen fruit without the little stickers on them from the produce section at the grocery store. Seconds later she realized that was likely true. "Knock yourself out."

Shawn was trying to select the best looking orange for Jude when he thought back to days in the trailer park. He wished they had something like this: trees or a community garden of some sort. Picking a peach would've been a hell of a lot easier, and less embarrassing, than skimming a meal from Cory or swiping something from the school cafeteria…or convenience store….or the other less honest ways he acquired food back then. Once he was satisfied with his fruit selections, he followed Angela and the kids as they headed inside. While walking he noticed a rather large sandbox alongside the house. "What, you don't get enough of the beach you had to bring it home with you," he joked. "Is there a mini ocean stashed somewhere?" On the other side of the house he could see a small swing set as well, complete with a slide and climbing apparatus.

Though her gait slowed, she didn't turn around to face him. "It's for those days I can't quite will myself to get dressed and leave the house. Ever since Grant…" She shook her head. "At least this way the kids aren't cooped up and they can still play and get fresh air and I don't have to deal with other people."

He wanted nothing more than for the ground to swallow him up then and there. "Oh."

/

"Zora, no, don't put all of your food into your mouth. Eat a little bit at a time."

"Zora bad."

"No, Jude, she is not being bad. She's learning. She's still a baby, remember? It's our job to teach her."

"Zora, look." The boy took little bites of his food. "Eat like Jude." Within moments she was mimicking him. "Mama, she did it! I teached-ed her."

Angela decided to skip the lecture about talking with food in one's mouth this time. Focus on the positive. "Good job! You guys are such good eaters. Remember, after lunch we can watch one show on TV. Then you each pick out a book for naptime."

"Booo!"

"No nap!"

Shawn couldn't help but laugh at the jeers from the tiny peanut gallery. He had spent lunch parked in a chair in the corner and keeping his mouth shut. He didn't want to say anything else stupid or that would hurt Angela's feelings. Keep his head down and focus on food. That had been his plan. And it worked so far. "Aren't they too young to have opinions?"

"Not my children. They let their thoughts be known from a very young age."

"They take after you then."

Her eyebrows shot up. "Excuse me?"

"Well you're such a strong person it makes perfect sense to me that you'd have determined kids who know what they want before they can even speak full sentences. It was a compliment. Really."

"I suppose I'll choose to believe you and let it slide this time." She noticed he was done with his Lunchable and was sliding the container across the table. "Do you want another one? I have a bunch in the fridge."

"Sure. T hanks."

"Ham again?"

"Oh, let's mix it up a little- turkey this time."

"Someone's feeling adventurous." She slid the container across the table. "Sorry I don't have any of the fancy ones where you can build your own pizzas or tacos or whatever they have now."

"You could at least offer your guests the ones with the Reese's or Skittles," he grumbled with a smirk, relieved at least some of the tension was disappearing. "Some host."

"If I bought those the kids would want nothing else."

"Could I have another juice, too?"

"Sure, second shelf in the fridge door."

"Mama, more red."

Angela added a dollop of ketchup to Jude's dish. He was obsessed with the condiment and most foods needed to have it or else he wouldn't eat. It made her stomach turn most days, but at least he was eating. "There you go."

"Angela?"

"Yeah?"

"Is there a trick to this? I can't get the door open."

"Oh, right, the whole house is all childproofed."

It seemed like nothing more than a flick of her wrist and she moved the lock aside so he could retrieve his drink. "Thanks."

"No problem. Just be sure to let me know when you need to go to the bathroom and I'll show you how to undo the lock on the toilet."

"You have to lock your toilet?" He didn't remember Cory whining about this part when Riley or Auggie were small.

"Kids flush stuff."

"Thanks for the heads up there. Did you want me to get you anything from here? You hardly ate."

"Not true. I had some crackers and a few of Zora's raspberries. I'll eat later. Trust me, ever since the kids I exist on their table scraps. It's mom life."

"If you say so." His eyes scanned the fridge door. It was littered with crayon scribbled pages, alphabet and number magnets, and photos. Most of the people in the pictures were strangers, but there were a few he knew. "You still keep in touch with Rachel?"

"She's one of my closest friends."

"I haven't thought about her in years. What's she up to?"

"She's an occupational therapist, works mainly out of nursing homes to help the elderly maintain a certain degree of independence."

"That's nice."

"After the Peace Corps she wanted to do something meaningful that helped people."

"And who are Iggy and Ozzie," he asked, reading the names at the bottom of the card.

"Iggy is her husband- Ignacio, and Ozzie is their son, Oscar. She and Iggy met when she was still in the Peace Corps. He works with Doctors Without Borders."

"Nice. I'd pick new nicknames if it were me, but at least she's happy." Shawn never knew what ultimately broke up Jack and Rachel. Then again he never asked.

"She is."

Something else caught his eye, something familiar. In fact…yes, he had seen this exact same picture on Cory and Topanga's fridge just last weekend. And he was sure if he was home long enough to check his mail he'd find one addressed to him as well. "You have an invitation to Eric's wedding?"

"Yeah, I talk to him all the time. And he is marrying my sister-in-law, so-"

"Really?"

"Yeah, Jody's got an oddball sense of humor and the same childlike zest for life that Eric does." Her husband hadn't been too sure when Angela first suggested setting his kid sister up with Eric, but they clicked almost immediately. "They're a fun couple."

"But you guys didn't talk all those years ago."

She shrugged. "Things change."

"Since when?"

"After I went with my dad and you guys moved to New York you and Eric shared an apartment."

"I know. I was there," he said in a pointed tone. "What does that have to do with you talking to Eric?"

"Who do you think was the one answering the phone after you started avoiding my calls?"

"I never – wait. You're the one who left the country and you're claiming that I was avoiding you?" His voice rose as he spoke, but quickly lowered again when one of the dogs lifted her head, as if to warn him to watch his tone around her humans. "That's a load of bull."

"Shawn, don't speak to me like that in front of-" A loud noise caught her attention. She looked around the room and realized Zora had thrown her plate to the floor and was waving "bye-bye" to it. "Zora, no." She now held a sippy cup high above her head and was about to condemn it to the same fate as her plate. "Put the cup down. No throwing."

Shawn wasn't sure if it was her mother's harsher tone, if she was picking up on the tension in the room, or if she was just acting her age, but Zora promptly dropped her cup and burst into tears.

Angela sighed and closed her eyes for a moment. "Okay, lunch time over."

"I pick a show," Jude asked quietly.

"Yes, you can pick a show and a book." She got up and retrieved her crying child. After cuddling her close for a minute, soothing tears and gently reinforcing the no throwing policy, she knelt down on the floor so they could pick up the mess together.

Shawn couldn't believe there was ever a time when the woman before him questioned her ability to be a good mother. He knew why, but to him it seemed her fears were unwarranted. She was a natural. "Do you need any help?"

She helped the baby put her plate on the table before standing. "No, thanks. I'll take care of the mess later. Or the dogs will eat it. Whatever. You can hang around in here and finish your lunch. Or if you get bored there's a TV in the living room."

He nodded. "Okay."

"Come on, baby." She held out her free hand and helped Jude jump down from the chair.

Once they were down the hall and out of sight Shawn decided to be useful and clean up the mess in the kitchen. He felt partly responsible if it was stress that caused Zora's misbehavior. He was, after all, a stranger the kids just met on the beach who was suddenly invited to their home for lunch. Then he raised his voice at their mother. That would make adults uncomfortable let alone little kids.

After the kitchen was taken care of he decided to venture out and explore more of the house. Angela did give him permission to go into the living room after all. There was a gate separating the rooms and he stepped over it. Baby-proofing was as sophisticated as rocket science in his eyes and he figured there was no way he'd be able to open it.

Angela's house was exactly how he imagined it to be: warm, inviting, and colorful. It wasn't merely a port to crash in between trips and adventures. No, this was a place you settled. You got comfortable. You stayed. It felt like a home.

Pictures dotted the walls and table tops to proudly showcase her family. He picked one up at random and almost immediately felt like he'd been sucker-punched in the gut. Angela made a beautiful bride. He always knew she would. It was unnerving to put a face to the man who had captured the heart of the woman he loved. They radiated joy and happiness as they stood under the sword arch. Shawn couldn't help but wonder what this guy had that he lacked. What made Angela leave him behind but say 'I do,' to…Grant? Isn't that was she said his name was? What made him so special?

The fireplace drew his attention next. It was the focal point of the room. Pictures adorned the mantle, but the vibe was distinctly more somber. There was a photograph of Angela with her father on the right. Beside the picture was a flag, folded precisely in its case. It became apparent to him that what he first thought to be a fancy vase was in fact an urn. He took a few steps back and nearly tripped over the coffee table. "Sorry, sir," he found himself saying, moments later realizing how silly he sounded. He'd never been in a room with an urn before. What was the protocol for this? Reluctantly his eyes wandered to the other side of the mantle and there was a similar set up: family photos, folded flag, and an urn. He lifted a picture from its resting place for closer examination. It had to have been fairly recent. Jude looked much the same and Zora was wearing a bib that stated Birthday Girl.

"Grant died less than a week after that was taken," Angela stated, coming up behind Shawn. He handed the picture over without saying a word. "Zora's first birthday was on a Thursday. We had her party on Saturday. Grant reported for duty on Monday and Wednesday afternoon there was a knock at my door." She took a deep breath and willed herself not to cry. "No matter how prepared you think you are- it is par the course for military families and the fear is always lurking in the back of your mind- you're never ready for that knock at the door." She returned the family photo to its rightful place. "I can't believe this was two months ago. It seems like yesterday and a million years ago all at once."

"You guys seemed happy."

She smiled sadly and nodded. "We had our ups and downs like anyone else, but, yes, we were. We had a good life."

"Angela, I'm-"

"We need to talk about what happened in the kitchen."

He was thrown by the subject change, but went along with it. "I shouldn't have yelled at you in front of your kids."

"It wasn't quite yelling, but no, you won't speak to me like that; not in my home and especially not in front of my children. Are we clear?"

"You're right. I'm sorry."

"Okay." There was a silence neither of them was sure how to fill. "I'm sorry about your divorce." It wasn't what Angela expected to say, but she wasn't ready to talk about Grant with him. "That's got to be rough."

"How did you-"

"Eric's a blabbermouth."

"Yeah, well…."

"How are you holding up?"

"I've been better. Don't get me wrong, I've been a hell of a lot worse, too, but divorce sucks. I don't recommend it."

"I heard about Maya wanting to reverse the adoption and change her name back."

He nodded. That was the worst part for Shawn. The divorce didn't bother him nearly as much as what it represented: his broken his promise to always be there. "She pretty much hates my guts."

"If it's any consolation I think most teenagers hate their parents' guts at some point."

"It's not."

"Wanna talk about it?"

He didn't. Not really. Yet he found himself answering anyway. "It was a mistake, the whole thing…just…it was a mistake."

"Why? Didn't you love her?"

"I think I loved more what she and Maya represented. I was so tired of being alone. No matter how many times I convinced myself I was fine I wasn't. I wanted someone to share my life with. I wanted what Cory and Topanga had. I wanted a family."

"And Katy and Maya were a ready-made family," she concluded.

Shawn nodded and leaned back in the chair. "Before I met Maya, Cory would tell me all about Riley's best friend and how she reminded him so much of me. He said she was the Shawn to Riley's Cory. I didn't pay attention to him but then I met her. Dad ran off, mom was sort of flaky and not really around much. It just reminded me so much of me. I couldn't fix things for myself as a kid, but I thought I could find a way to make things better for someone else, so they wouldn't be just another person with a messed up family background."

"So you met Katy through Maya?"

"Her and also Cory, Topanga, and Riley's constant interfering. The three of them would go on and on about how good we would be together. Cory even...he set it up so I would find Katy's purse and they thought I would magically fall in love with her because of it."

She furrowed her brow. "So he just stole the way you fell for me and tried to recreate it?"

"Yeah, but it didn't work. You can't replicate magic," he spoke softly and looked right at her.

"Then why date her? Why propose and get married?"

"After I got to know Katy I genuinely liked her. She's a fun person and I enjoyed spending time with her. And we had some things in common. She was abandoned by her husband and I-"

"If you're even going to say what I think you are- don't."

"I have had people walk out of my life, too. That was something we had in common. We were the ones left behind, the ones who stayed."

"Shawn-"

"I'm just telling you what happened. You wanted to know how we got together. That was the start, or it was baby steps towards it."

"Fine. So how did you go from baby steps to saying I do?"

"I had Cory and Topanga whispering in my ear and telling me how perfect we were for each other. Riley and Maya were really excited about the idea of us together and hell, even you told me to end up with her!"

"When did I do that?"

"You asked me if she was the one. Then you said to go get her."

"That wasn't me telling you to be with Katy. I wanted you to move on with your life and to be happy. If it was with Katy, great, if it wasn't, fine. Go out and find that person. I wasn't going to tell you to be in a relationship with someone I didn't know." She took a deep breath. "Okay, so in your mind everyone had already ordained you and Katy a couple?"

He nodded. "And after I saw you in the cafe and you told me you were married and you talked about having kids with your husband I never felt so alone in my life." He cracked his knuckles and stared at his shoes. It was times like this that made him wish he still smoked. "I always dreamed I would see you again, that you'd show up out of nowhere just the way you did and that you'd tell me you wanted to be with me. That you wanted us to have our own happily ever after, just like Cory and Topanga. I didn't realize how much I had been counting on that day to come until I saw you again."

"Shawn, I-"

"It's okay. Oh, my dad," he exclaimed.

"Huh? What about Chet?"

"He told me to get together with Katy, too, and to be a family with her and Maya."

"How is that possible?"

"You remember you asked me if I still saw him sometimes? I said I hadn't lately but then he showed up after you left."

"Oo-kay."

"Katy asked me on a date and it was all kinds of weird because Maya was standing right there and so were Cory and Riley. There was all this pressure. I froze. That's when Chet showed up."

"What did he say?"

"I don't remember exactly, but basically that Maya and Katy were everything I always wanted standing right there. They needed a family. I needed a family. We should be a family. Don't get me wrong, we had fun, but I work a lot. In the year we were dating we saw each other once, maybe twice a month. And at least half of the time Maya was with us. I enjoyed her company, but I never had that grand feeling of love."

"Then why propose?" He was silent and no longer looking her in the eye. "Shawn?"

"Jude."

"What does Jude have to do with you and Katy?"

"I don't want to say."

"Tough."

"You see," he began with a shaky breath, "even after I knew you were married there was a tiny part of me that hoped it didn't work out, that the fates would line up to put us together again despite everything."

She twisted her engagement and wedding rings around her finger. "Oh."

"I know it's terrible, but it's how I felt. Then I saw Jude's birth announcement."

"I don't understand."

"You had a family and as much as I wanted to be with you I couldn't hope for it anymore. In order for my wish to come true an innocent baby's family would have to fall apart. And I couldn't wish for that. I had to let go." Shawn ran his hands across his face. "I went out and bought an engagement ring the next morning. If I couldn't be with you I had an instant family just waiting for me. All I had to do was throw myself into it with reckless abandon. Cory said I'd always been a reckless person and that proposing to Katy was the right, reckless thing to do."

She frowned. "You and Cory do realize that reckless is a bad thing, right? Spontaneous is good, carefree even is acceptable. But reckless? That's bad."

"Well then I was very reckless in proposing. At least I came to my senses and ended it before more people got caught up in my bad choices."

"Huh?"

"Have you ever had a moment where you looked around and wondered how the hell you got here? How did this become your life?"

"I don't know."

"We were having dinner with Cory and Topanga and Katy, out of the blue, says we should have a baby."

"In front of Cory and Topanga?"

"Yep, and you know how they are. They cheered and got excited and immediately started planning. We're talking names, schools, birthday parties, you name it. They even said maybe they'd have another baby so our kids could grow up together." He ran a hand through his hair. "One minute I was saying, 'pass the butter,' and the next I'm listening to Cory sharing tips he heard for how to conceive a boy!"

"Why a boy?"

"Because this way our families would match."

"Wow. How did you handle it?"

"I got up and left."

"That's it?"

"I didn't know what else to do. All of a sudden my life felt beyond my control."

"Then what happened?"

"Katy chased me down and we talked. She eventually admitted that she didn't want to have another baby. But she could tell my heart wasn't in the marriage anymore and we were drifting apart. She thought a kid would fix it, kind of how Maya brought us together."

"That's messed up."

"I know."

Angela rested her chin in her hand. "It sounds like you were so focused on what everyone else thought you should do that you stopped thinking for yourself."

"Probably. There's no other way to explain how I let Cory and Topanga talk me into believing that I never really loved you at all."

"Excuse me?"

Crap, maybe he shouldn't have said that part out loud. "Forget it."

"No, I'd like to hear what exactly Cory and Topanga thought about me."

Her posture was perfect, her arms were crossed, and her glare could burn a hole right through him. He remembered this from when they were together and warning bells were going off in his head. "Angela, really, it's nothing. They were rooting for me and Katy to work out and said whatever they could to make it happen."

"Tell me."

"Fine, they said they had never seen me as happy as when I was with Katy and that maybe this time it was the real thing. I've always wanted what Cory and Topanga had so maybe being with you was just my attempt to keep up with them."

Angela got up and walked over to the window. "You put me through so much hell back then. You loved me, you wanted to break up, but wait you wanted a second chance, then oops, you're too scared and can't commit."

"I know."

"It was bad enough to go through that believing you loved me, but now you're telling me you dragged me along and played with my heart for nothing?" She shook her head. "We should've just ended after the initial two weeks."

"No, Angela, no. That's the point. They were wrong. I do…did…do love you. But I couldn't be with you so I was just trying to find a way to handle that and move on with my life."

"And the only way to do that was for you three to attempt to erase me from your lives and insert some random blonde in my place?" She walked back over to the couch. "You see, Shawn, no matter how much you hurt me or what happened between us I never diminished you or what our relationship meant to me. Sure, we didn't last but that time was an important part of my life. You were my first love. I learned a lot from what we had."

"So did I, but you have to understand something: from the day I knew it was your stuff in the purse it was you I wanted to be with. It was always you." She said nothing. "I'm sorry. Look, don't take this out on Cory and Topanga. They were just trying to help me. I chose to believe them because I thought could do a better job scripting my life than I had. They've still been your friends for twenty years."

"No, they haven't. It's more like we were good friends for a while twenty years ago. At least I thought we had been. Trust me, I learned a long time ago who my real friends were and who I could count on. Cory and Topanga aren't even in my top 100." She had expected things to change with Cory after her relationship with Shawn ended, but losing Topanga's friendship really hurt.

"Then why were you at Topanga's café? Why come visit them?"

"I wasn't there to see them. I came to see you."

"Why?"

"Eric called me whining about how Cory was trying to fix you up but you were resisting because you were still hung up on us. I was sent there to break the spell, so to speak. I wanted you to be happy."

"Then you should've stayed," he whispered. "Why didn't you stay?"