Chapter 62

For the first time since the woman, Alja Dardo, as he knew now, had literally crashed into the den, Hawke started to relax a little. He still didn't like the idea of getting involved into the Psy's war, especially after they'd already had a battle with Pure Psy on their grounds. But Judd had hit the nail on the head. This was about his mate's race. And he couldn't turn away from that. Not when they might have the chance to help them become more human after all.

And that was exactly what the three women had been discussing most of the time. Alice and Sascha were sitting in comfortable chairs that had been pulled as close as possible to Alja's bed. Alice had explained to them how she believed empathy could become a cure for Silence. And Alja had confirmed that most of her theories might work in the Net, if she only knew how to make it carry emotion. There were some details he hadn't understood but he had learned more about the designation than he had in all the time knowing Sascha. And the way Lucas had listened with absolute focus told him he had as well. That meant something considering he was her mate for almost four years. He looked at Alice, who obviously had developed an inability to shut her mouth since she'd gained access to her memory. Only for a very few moments her eyes had swept away suddenly and she'd looked sad. Now she was explaining vigorously to Sascha and Alja how psychopathic tendencies could be influenced by an empath.

"Maybe, we should leave the room before they decide to use us as guinea pigs," Lucas suddenly said to him from across the table in the corner of Alja's infirmary room, where they had withdrawn after they had heard all they needed to know about the new turn of events and started to get headaches from the fast talking scientist.

"You're ready to leave your mate with that stranger?" Hawke asked sounding more surprised than he actually was. Apart from the fact that even seriously injured, the woman had the air of a soldier, she seemed somehow –safe. As if he knew she wouldn't harm any of them. Maybe that was an empath thing. After all he had liked Sascha from the start as well. But this woman, she was different, unpredictable. He mustn't forget that.

The other alpha leaned closer and answered so low only changeling ears would hear it. "My mate just gave me a hint that we're disturbing their progress, because we're scaring Alja."

Hawke glanced over to the injured woman on the bed. Her face was as expressionless and cold as any Psy's. Almost too expressionless, considering how badly she was wounded. And since all kinds of drugs messed with Psy abilities she had refused anything for the pain since she woke up. She should be in so much pain not even her conditioning would override it. And she was an empath. No, she was too composed. There had to be something else. And under the smell of blood and antiseptic Hawke could smell very faintly the acrid tang of fear of adrenalin pumping through her system. How in hell did she pull off that façade?

"We can wait in Lara's office. That should be close enough," he answered already getting up.

He watched Alja as Lucas affectionately kissed his mate's nape, before he left the room. She had held her breath for just a second when the cat had come close. That was all the reaction he could sense. With a shudder he realized that this was what Sienna could've become. It was a disturbing thought.

"You should sleep now – both of you," Sascha stated sternly. Although Alja showed still no sign of any emotional reaction, she seemed understandably exhausted. And Alice kept on talking agitated but her eyes were threatening to fall shut anytime now.

"No, we don't have time," Alja protested, although every word hurt and her voice was barely more than a whisper.

"Alice is still in recovery from cryonic suspension and you are badly injured. And I can feel in how much pain you are."

"Pain doesn't matter," Alja forced out. But before she could scrape up enough air for any more words Alice looked at her with concern in her eyes.

"Sascha is right. I am really tired and you can barely speak. Besides we have discussed everything we could based on my theoretic knowledge. The next step would be testing our theories inside the Net."

And that was something Alja couldn't do yet. Not when she had to stay absolutely concealed, not when she couldn't rely on Kaleb's protection. Kaleb. The mere thought of him tore her apart. Kaleb and the way he tried to protect her. That was something Alja didn't want to think about. And suddenly she realized that she couldn't be alone now. Even more so, she couldn't be alone in a den full of predatory changelings. She'd been trained to pull through on her own. Had done that for all her life. But right now the very basis of that life was shaken. Everything she'd ever believed in suddenly changed and then Kaleb… And of all the situations she could have broken in, it had to be when she was deep in enemy territory with no one close she could even remotely trust. But that wasn't true. There was Sascha. Alja knew it was probably just mental breakdown that had her believe there might be a connection to the other empath, one that rectified trust even though she barely knew the daughter of Councilor Duncan. She didn't care, couldn't. She just knew the other empath was her only possible way to stay stable.

But Sascha and Alice already rose to leave. Sascha even had to support Alice's frail body. The human clearly wasn't used to sitting up that length of time, her physical strength still falling far back behind the vigor of her mind.

Could you stay a little longer? I won't sleep anyway. The telepathic plea escaped her almost without volition. We don't have to talk about complicated things. I just…

Sascha's resolve vanished, because for the first time she felt something from Alja. The Arrow was careful not to let any emotion slip out. Sascha had not often met people who could do that, shield off their emotions so entirely. She'd almost have believed Alja was silent when she first saw her awake. But now slivers of desperation accompanied her mental voice.

I'll take Alice to her room and then come back. She replied calmly.

Alja just had to believe her. The few minutes until she returned were a dangerous game of fighting thoughts that would pull her into the inner abyss Kaleb had just pulled her from. The abyss –Kaleb – bones crunching. Alja's head began to spin with the sheer terror of the memory her own mental image had stirred up.

Alja are you ok? A soft telepathic voice pulled her back just in time. She forced her eyes open. Sacha was already sitting beside her bed again. She hadn't even heard her reenter.

They let you come back.

Well, it's not like I would let them stop me, if they tried to hold me back. Light mental laughter accompanied Sascha's voice But right now, none of us is too sure what to do with you, so they'll follow my lead anyway.

They're just so … intense. I'm not used to that much emotion around me. And she really wasn't, not even when she had worked with the birds before. Another memory she'd rather not awaken right now.

Yes, predatory changelings always are and in the current situation they're tensed up because of you.

Alja admired how Sascha could talk about it so matter-of-factly. As much as she sometimes wanted to incite an emotional response in Kaleb, she was glad she wasn't surrounded by this kind of intensity all the time. It seemed threatening. But maybe that was intentional. After all she was a stranger, even more. I'm an enemy soldier, who intruded deep into your territory, it is a wonder I'm even alive.

That is one way to put it. But you're also hope. I might have left the Net, but I still care deeply for everyone in it. And what we worked out with Alice tonight might be the first real chance for the Psy for over a hundred years.

I've heard that before. The NetMind had shown her over and over. I'm just still not sure if I'm able to do it. Her own hope was a fragile thing, even after what she'd learned tonight. The pictures the NetMind showed me still don't seem to fit what we talked about.

Yes, they are very unique. Alja had shown them to Sascha earlier when they had worked with Alice. But then, maybe it is something only you can understand. The NetMind never talked to me like that. There must be something unique about you too.

Maybe not as much as you think. I know the NetMind had an eye on you too. It just didn't have to interact with you as much, because you weren't alone, you were protected by your mother.

Sascha was surprised at the latent envy she received from Alja as she said it. After all she had felt pretty much alone all her life. Of course Alja was right: As an Arrow she had to have been even more alone, growing up not only among the Silent but in the secret assassin squad. Sascha still didn't fully understand how Alja even survived. But in one aspect she was wrong. My mother would have discarded me like so much garbage at the first sign that my existence conflicted with her business interests. She proved that by cutting me off the moment I was with the cats. It no longer hurt as much to talk about it. Still Sascha felt the bitterness creep up as she said the words.

Yes, when she knew you were safe. When she knew they'd take care of you in a way she never could. Alja had thought a lot about what made her different from Sascha, anything was better that to think about the – other things.

I wouldn't have expected you to say something so empath-like. Sascha replied with a sad smile. And maybe that wasn't all there was to it. The other woman probably held on to some emotional idea of the mother-daughter connection she had never had herself. If Sascha had learned one thing by now, it was that every Psy who wasn't Silent had their own unique ways of coping with their world. She was glad she no longer needed it. I've stopped looking through rose-colored glasses a long time ago. The PsyNet no longer is a place where that kind of emotional motivation exists.

But Alja knew it did, knew emotion hadn't been eradicated that deep. Just as she'd explained to Kaleb that night in the gym, that now seemed eons ago, there were unconscious motivations that still drove everyone except maybe the worst psychopaths. Then tell me why your mother became a Councilor. Her interests always lay in business not in politics. Of course political power goes with business power, but there'd have been easier ways, ways less dangerous to her own life, if she simply wanted her business to thrive. The Council seat might have given her some power and insights, she wouldn't have had otherwise but on the other hand it probably distracted her from her business as much as contributed to it. It's why Anthony refused his seat the first time.

Sascha was silent for a moment. She noted that Alja had become calmer during their conversation, as if it stabilized her to try to fix someone else's emotional problems. Only Sascha didn't see it as a problem anymore. She was done with that part of her life as much as a child ever could be with not being loved by its mother. Nikita Duncan was one hundred percent business. Everyone knew that. Period. Maybe she had some other reasons. I really don't…

It's because the Council is above the law. Alja interrupted her. They can protect even the worst criminals.

Sascha flinched at the words she had used herself a long time ago. That doesn't make sense. What does my mother's hiding crimes have to do with protecting me? Sascha was intrigued by Alja's reasoning but she started to doubt the woman was mentally fully capable at the moment.

It is so beautiful to see. You really don't think like the Silent anymore, do you? I hope I can achieve that too one day. Alja replied with a smile that made her look like the empath she was, for the first time since Sascha had met her. But try to think like a Silent Psy for once: What is the worst crime in our world?

Breaking Sil… – Sascha went utterly quiet for long seconds, as she understood what Alja was trying to tell her. She needed the political power to protect me.

It's just a thought. But we both have lived under Silence long enough to know it's never that complete, never as simple as it looks at first or even at second glance.

And Sascha knew Alja was right. After all she hadn't stopped sending her mother pictures of her daughter Naya, even though she never got any indication they were received on an emotional level. Somewhere inside her the hope that her mother might have some emotional connectivity left had persisted. And she also understood something else. Even though Alja tried to shut herself off, probably had to do it all her life, she was an empath to the core. There was no other way she could've sensed the single small chink in Sascha's otherwise complete happiness – the relationship to her mother. And trying to heal it simply was her nature. Doing it probably even stabilized her in her own straining situation. Thank you for those thoughts, Alja. You really are a kind soul.

Don't tell those predators outside there. Alja answered with a small smile, her features relaxing just a fraction, revealing a glimpse of the gentle nature that lived inside her.