Doc asked me what my clearest memory of the war was. That's easy. It was the first time I ever lay with a woman. This woulda been a huge surprise to the boys my age in Stockton I was always telling about my conquests. I lied thru my teeth, of course.

Fact is my experience was limited to a few quick fumblings and an occasional sloppy kiss. See all the boys my age figured that with Tom Barkley being my Da, I'd be able to go after any girl I wanted. Actually, it was the opposite: With Tom Barkley as my father I was dead certain that ANYTHING I did with a girl would get back to him in record time and I'd end up catching hell for it. Worse yet, word mighta got to Mother and I 'd just end up dying from embarrassment.

I don't meant they spied on me or nothing, they just always seemed to know where I'd been, what I'd been doing, who I'd been doing it with and whether or not I should have been doing it in the first place.

Plus I figgered girls 'd be thinking I had experience and I'd be some great lover. Me, I was still trying to figure out how everything worked. I mean, I'd been there when we were breeding cattle, but moving that from four legs to two legs was a lot harder than anybody'd think. The honest to God truth was I was scared to death I'd end up being laughed at and everyone in the valley would learn about it.

So when I enlisted in the army and they shipped me all the way across the country, I figured I was gonna have the time of my life. I'd be away from my family; away from Stockton, away from the noisy neighbors.. Turns out I was only having the time of my life if polishing boots and making bunk beds was my idea of paradise. Then somehow I ended up in officer training-I always guessed Papa pulled strings to make that happen-which meant even more time in training, with any spare time being spent on Other Duties As Assigned, which sure as hell didn't involve sleeping with girls. Our commanding officers didn't want anything distracting us from the important business of learning how to die on command.

So there I was months away from my parents, hundreds of miles from friends, enemies, relatives, neighbors, and gossips, and I still couldn't get laid. Lordy, I was pathetic

So me and my buddies finally got orders to ship out and we got a 12 hour pass (dead man's pass they called it, since most of the rookie officers would get thrown into combat and killed.). Ben Colsky started talking up bout this place he knows where a fella can go to have a good time. Everybody thought that was a great idea 'til we got there, then no one wanted to be the first to go inside. You'da thought the place was full of rattlesnakes the way we avoided the door.

We just stood there on the porch. Everybody had this sick, nervous look on his face. All these guys who told all these stories about all their women, standing there like scared rabbits. And I realized it wasn't just me;

we were ALL pathetic liars. And... This is gonna sound funny ...as soon as I knew that, I felt better. For the first time in my life, no one was expecting me to be just like my old man or as good as Jarrod or great because I was a Barkley. So I ponied up my $2 and stepped inside. The prostitute...later they started calling them Hooker's girls because General Joe seemed to like having 'em around his camp...was named Sadie and she was all business in a friendly kinda way.

She was an old hand at this, and she reminded me of my drill sergeant in how she ordered me around. Nowadays I supposed I'd get mad, but then I was just relieved that ONE of us knew what to do. So, I got my trousers off, left the shirt on since she said to, climbed on the bed and followed her directions to the letter. Funny, I can't recall ten things from all those weeks at boot camp. I remember every single thing about her. The incredible softness of her skin, how she took my hand and placed it on her breast, a scent like incredibly exotic peaches; and how I couldn't tell where her body ended and mine began.

I'm embarrassed to admit it was the most incredible 52 seconds I'd ever experienced.

Next thing I knew, I was back in my trousers and strutting out of the door, feeling like I could handle anything, face anyone! I was an officer in the United States Army and a grown man; free as a bird, answerable to no one.

So you can imagine my horror when I walked out of the whorehouse and bumped into Tildy Jackson, Stockton's biggest gossip, who just happened to be in town visiting her nephew.

Doc Martin laughed so hard he almost fell over.

"Right into her?"

"Nearly knocked her to the ground." Nick confessed, red faced at the memory.

"I wish I'd been there." Martin was convulsed with mirth. "So what'd you tell her, that you were there on military business? Or that you were trying to talk the ladies into going to church?

"Who says I told her anything?" Nick was indignant. "I wasn't just some kid she knew anymore. I was a fighting man in the Union Calvary. What I did was my business. I didn't have to explain myself to some nosy old biddy from Stockton!"

Doc Martin stopped laughing and nodded. "You're right." He apologized. "I shouldn't have jumped to the conclusion you'd act like a little boy caught in the cookie jar. I'm sorry."

"Well." Nick accepted the apology semi-gracefully and the two walked in silence for a minute before Dr. Martin nudged him.

"Told her you were there to visit a sick friend, didn't you?"

Nick smiled. "It was the only thing I could come up with."

This time the Doc really did fall down.

BVBVBVBV

It was the sound of two people hiccupping with uncontrollable mirth that caught Jarrod's attention as he walked from the barn. One voice he recognized as Nick's. The other he realized with a scowl, was Dr. Martin. The good doctor was sitting on the ground laughing at something Nick had said, while his brother tried to pull the physician to his feet. Nick's efforts were seriously hampered by the fact that he was laughing almost as hard as the Doc was and looked to lose his footing at any moment.

Jarrod felt a surge of unfamiliar emotion: Jealousy. How long was it since he had shared a moment like that with his younger brother? He watched resentfully as the usurper was pulled to his feet by the still laughing cowboy and the two staggered off, supporting each other like drunks.

He was not used to this sense of brooding unhappiness. It was a vague, unsubstantial thing as if he was trying to grasp smoke. Jarrod remembered feeling the same when Heath joined the family. After some initial clashing of personalities, it became obvious that Nick was fiercely devoted to his new brother. Jarrod, seeing that and realizing Heath had more in common with Nick had a first felt a bristling jealously that he rigorously squashed. It was only after several months that he realized that Nick had simply expended his circle to include Heath and that did not mean excluding Jarrod.

This was something altogether different. His relationship with Nick had taken several nasty jolts in the last year, with the kangaroo court being the most recent and severe. While Jarrod had assumed that everything had been smoothed over and forgotten, he was suddenly jarringly aware that it wasn't. Things were peaceful but he no longer was someone Nick felt safe to confide in. Doc Marten had seemingly slid into that role leaving Jarrod on the outside looking in Jarrod didn't like that. In fact, on more than one occasion he found himself swallowing a urge to kick the good Doctor off the ranch with a furious "He's MY brother."

He was guiltily aware this was driven partly by ego. Growing up it had been Jarrod that Nick followed around around, and Jarrod that Nick came to with problems and pestered with every possible embarrassing question about girls. Nick had wanted to wear the same clothes that Jarrod wore and do whatever Jarrod did. Even Cocoa was chosen because the colt had resembled Jarrod's ride at the time.

Nick pulled away somewhat once he began attending school, but even as an adult Jarrod was the one person Nick would generally turn to for advice. Nick might not always agree with him, might even noisily argue with him, but he did seek Jarrod's opinion and consider it. But in the last few years there had been changes, small changes but noticeable none the less.

He and Nick had clashed repeatedly over the ranch operations. On more than once Nick had proposed something that Jarrod was either only vaguely familiar with or completely uninformed about and didn't want to commit to until he had more information. Always he guiltily promised himself that he would look into Nick's proposal deeper, but by the time he got back from San Francisco, it had generally slipped his mind as he focused on his law practice.

A major blow to their relationship, though he had not recognized it as such at the time, had been inflicted by bringing Julia Saxon home. He had been livid at Nicks rudeness, only to have a mutual friend later point out that, considering how many men Nick had lost due to Saxon's spying, his reaction was entirely understandable. Nick had cleared Julia Saxon after Jarrod had been assaulted, but in retrospect, Jarrod realized that Nick had quietly started to pull away from that point on. He also belatedly realized he had never apologized to Nick, or even acknowledged that, while rude, Nick had a right to his feelings about the woman.

He should have recognized the size of the fracture when Nick did not come to him after being bitten by a rabid wolf; instead it was Heath Nick had turned to and trusted, not Jarrod. He had felt a bit hurt that Nick hadn't confided in him, but at least Heath was a member of the family. Doc Marten couldn't even claim that relationship, but it was the Doc that Nick appeared to spend the most time with.

"You look like you're thinking of turning the dogs on him." Victoria's voice interrupted.

"Which one?" Jarrod groused.

"Jarrod!"

"I'm sorry Mother." Jarrod apologized. "I just don't like the way that Doctor has dug his claws into Nick. He should have stopped coming here months ago."

Victoria looked at the two men thoughtfully.

"Nick seems to feel he's getting something out of the Doctor's visits."

"What exactly? Doctor Marten isn't a member of the family. What can he do for Nick that the family can't?"

"We'd have to ask Nick that." Victoria pointed out.

"I don't trust Marten." Jarrod said flatly. "I think he's using Nick to get a foothold in the valley. We don't even know much about him, only that Heath met him before."

"Jarrod, I have a feeling if you tried to run Dr Marten off, Nick would object strongly. And if Nick feels he's getting something out of these visits, I don't see the harm."

Jarrod scowled. "Maybe. I've contacted some detectives to check up on the good Doctor. If he's just some parasite-"

"Then we'll talk to Nick about it." Victoria said firmly. "But right now, I don't think it would be in Nick's best interests to interfere."

Jarrod took a calming breath.

"Understood lovely lady. Understood."