Journal Entry

I don't know how old I was when I realized Jarrod was smarter than I was. Forever, I guess. It's not like it's hard to figure out, particularly the 100th time you've heard your father introduce your older brother as 'The Smart One." I got resigned to it. I mean, there's not a lot I could do about it...I couldn't just drink a magic potion and suddenly get extra brain power. I was about 12 though when I realized Jarrod wasn't just smart, he was wise, which is a whole different thing. Smart is just picking up the abc's quickly. But wise is more of a bunch of things: smart + good + just = wise and that was Jarrod.

Problem with me is not just that I'm not as smart as Jarrod, I'm not wise. Not naturally anyway. I get mad too fast and do stuff without thinking too often which is kind of the opposite of wise. Sometimes I get just a little bit of wisdom, the kind that comes when you've done something wrong and a light goes off in your head and you realize "Oh, maybe what i've always thought isn't right" that kind of wisdom. Not like Jarrod, not naturally wise.

Maybe that's why Mother takes Jarrod's side in so many things; she trusts him because he's wise. But here's the thing: Being smart and being wise isn't the same thing as being knowledgeable. And when it comes to the ranch I'm knowledgeable and so is Heath; we know this ranch and everything about it inside out. I'm just not sure how to explain that to Mother and Jarrod, that I may not be smart but I am knowledgeable. Even if I could I wonder if it would make a difference.

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Nick loathed quarterly meetings, just loathed them. They required he spend a large listening to a recitation of facts and figures he already knew and regurgitating facts and figures he already knew. They took place in the study that always ended up becoming far too hot far too fast as far as he was concerned, although he was the only one who seemed bothered, which made him wonder if he just naturally ran a higher temperature than everyone else.

And lastly, they aggravated him because of the voting block. No, make that the Voting Block with capital letters because it was literally a collection of votes that blocked his every effort to make changes, especially lately. It wasn't large but the participants were telling in Nick's opinion. Jarrod was one member of course, Mother was the second and Audra was the third.

Audra was the one Nick blamed the least. She knew perfectly well that she was not versed on all the ins and outs of the ranch (although he suspected she could be if she tried) so she threw her vote in with her oldest brother and her Mother, probably feeling that they were the wisest of the group. Except they weren't really; not when it came to the ranch.

Mother had good, solid instincts when it came to the ranch but she had pulled a significant distance from the it after Father died. If asked, Victoria would in fact claim she had nothing to do with the ranch but that wasn't true. Nick might make most decisions about the ranch but whenever Nick and Jarrod clashed about something, Victoria would seemingly forget this inconvenient little fact and start issuing orders to settle the issue. Problem was she inevitably sided with Jarrod, proving what Nick had long suspected: Mother trusted Jarrod more than she did Nick.

Never mind that Nick and Heath spent literally all their time on the ranch and Jarrod's involvement was peripheral at best. Victoria always, always sided with Jarrod. And Jarrod didn't know the ranch; not like he thought he knew it. Thus, anytime Nick wanted to try something sufficiently new or different that had no established success rate, he went up against the Voting Block and usually got voted down.

It hadn't been as bad when Jarrod didn't spend so much time on the ranch, although the Voting Block had still existed before; but it had become notably worse now that he was around so much. Thus, Nick spent a good portion of quarterly meetings stewing silently as one of his ideas after another was discussed, dissected and dismissed by the three people who had the least amount of information.

To make it more aggravating, Heath's ideas were greeted with a solemn respect and enthusiasm and frequently got at least a qualified "yes." Nick didn't begrudge Heath this support, he understood that everyone was making an effort to encourage him, given how the newest Barkley was still sometimes maligned and mistreated by the occasional narrow-minded jerk. Still it burned to have the same idea voted down three meetings in a row while knowing that if Heath had suggested the exact same thing it would have had a decent chance at acceptance.

Much to his relief, however, this meeting was finally winding down and he looked forward to escaping for the day, when Jarrod said

"Just one last thing."

Nick looked at him narrowly, suspecting there was a reason why Jarrod left it for last.

"I've been looking at that catalogue for the cattle sale near Sacramento. I know you boys don't have the time to attend, so I think I should go there and pick up a breeding bull."

Nick narrowed his eyes. "The only cattle they're selling are brahmas."

"I know you and Heath aren't sold on them but i think we should give it a try."

Heath sighed. "Jarrod, we aren't 'sold' on them because they're vicious."

"I've been asking around and every breeder I've talked to says they improve the herd none of them say the bulls are mean."

"Of course, that's what they say, Jarrod, do you think they would admit it if they were?" Nick exploded. "It's not exactly a selling point."

"They can't all be lying." Jarrod snapped.

"To sell live stock? Oh yes they can. It's a stupid idea." Nick was monumentally tired of all this. He didn't tell Jarrod how to practice law and he was sick of Jarrod telling him how to run a ranch.

"Nick there is no need to be rude." Victoria cut in sharply. "Jarrod and I have discussed this and we think this is a good step for the ranch to take. Let's put this to a vote-"

"A Vote!" Nick threw up his hands. "Of Course. Let me guess: You, Jarrod and Audra vote yes! While the people who actually will have to deal with the beast don't actually get a say."

Disgusted, he stood up to leave.

"Fine Nick, is that how you're going to handle this? By storming out because you're mad that you didn't get your way?" Jarrod was almost as angry as Nick.

"Do you know what Jarrod? There are so many things about this that make me mad, I don't think I can sort them all out. So, go ahead. Go to the show and buy your precious bull. And when it kills someone, you can shoot the damn thing."

Nick left the room and the front door slammed, leaving a stunned silence behind him.