"A whole cup of vodka?" I whispered to myself while reading the instructions for a new recipe I wanted to try. It was some kind of pasta with vodka sauce. I don't know, it sounded good but that seemed like a lot of vodka in this. It's been a long time since we had any alcohol in the house. It was weird having this here, I had to find some at the shop. It was a little awkward. Oh well. I shrugged. I wanted it to turn out right. I began adding the other ingredients.

The kids ran into the living room. "It's mine!" I heard Dallas yell.

"Nah uh!" LB yelled back. "Daddy brought this home for me! I remember because I asked for it!"

"No, you didn't!"

"Yes, I did! If you want something specifically, then you should have asked for it!"

I turned around and saw them playing tug-a-war with one of their toys. "Okay, that's enough." I walked over to them. "Give it here." I put my hand out.

"But mom—" LB tried.

"Nope." I cut her off. "I don't want to hear it. You guys know the rules. No fighting. Now, if you're going to fight over it, no one gets it." I still had my hand out. LB let go of it and Dallas reluctantly handed it to me. "Thank you." I said. "Did you finish your homework?"

"Yes."

"No."

"Well, actually…I still have a bit left."

"Alright, then get to it." I clapped. "Dinner's almost ready." I put my hand on both of their heads and ruffled their hair as they walked by. "You both need to haircuts too." I heard them complain after saying that. I laughed a little.

A while back, I had Melanie train me since she was the only hair stylist we had. So, I know how to cut hair for real now. It's not a real important skill to have these days, but it gave me something to do. We are going to be here for the rest of our lives, and sometimes you get bored.

"Where's daddy, by the way?" I asked them.

"I think he's outside with Dog." Dallas answered. "He's trying to train him some more."

"Okay." I let out a small laugh and shook my head. That man. I thought. He said he wasn't good with names and he's really not. I told him to name the dog and he couldn't think of anything so he just called him dog for the time being and it just stuck. So…now our dog's name is Dog. I giggled out loud.

"What's wrong mommy?" LB asked me.

"Oh, nothing, baby. I was just thinking about your dad." I smiled.

"Alright." I called. "Dinner's ready." I turned to face the kids at the table while wiping my hands on a towel. "LB, go get your daddy, I think he's still outside with Dog. And Dallas, clear off the table please." They both did what they were told. Once the table was cleared off, I put the food out and plates.

The door opened and I heard LB's tiny footsteps, then Daryl's heavy ones. "Come on, boy." Daryl called the dog as he came in. "Smells good." He said. He come over to me and wrapped his arms around me. We kissed.

"Ew." I noticed his dirty hands. Looks like he was doing more than training the dog. "Go wash your hands before you eat."

"Yes, ma'am." He said and walked out of the room.

I played with Dog and rubbed his belly while waiting for Daryl. It was only a few weeks since I found Dog, but you know how fast they grow. "How's my puppa baby." I said sweetly to him. "Don't think I forgot about you. Mama got you a nice dinner." I put the extra meatballs in his bowl and watched him eat up.

I heard a noise and then Daryl say, "aw damnit." He kicked a toy. "Why we got so many damn toys in this house? We need to get rid 'a this shit."

I laughed. Daryl quit smoking recently and he's been on edge ever since. "They like their toys." I said to him. "But you are right. They're not babies anymore. We should get rid of some of them. Maybe we can take them to Rosita, see if she wants them for her baby. When he or she is born. Yeah?" When Daryl didn't say anything, I turned to him. He was staring at the counter. "Daryl, what's wrong?" He gave me a weird look, which I returned then he held up the vodka bottle. My eyes widened a little. "Oh, no." I shook my head. "It-it called for the recipe. That's it. I wasn't drinking."

He seemed to relax a little after that. I watched him put the bottle down and swallow then lick his lips. "Okay." He nodded. "I'm sorry." He kissed me. I smiled. "I'm hungry, let's eat."

We were all sitting at the table now, eating. "How's the dog training going?" I asked my husband.

"Ain't too good." Daryl said roughly. "Thank he's too sweet."

I laughed. "Oh, Daryl. Just give him a chance. It's only been a few weeks."

"Yeah, well…I love that dumb mutt anyway." He said with his mouth full. "It's kinda hard not to." I smiled.

No one was really saying anything and I wondered if they liked the meal I prepared. I personally thought it tasted great, but I favor pasta things so that could be why. I looked up and saw Daryl devouring his, he finished his plate, then got more. I smiled, at least I can count on him. LB was eating slowly but she was eating and seemed like she liked it. Dallas, on the other hand, looked to be picking threw his food. He only ate the meatballs out of his. Good thing I added the meatballs. The recipe didn't call for them but I added them anyway.

"What's wrong, Dallas?" I asked him. He looked up at me. "Don't you like it?"

"M-mm." He shook his head and pushed his plate away from him.

"I think it's good." LB said.

I smiled at her. "Thank you, sweetheart." I turned back to Dallas. "What don't you like about it, sweetie?"

"I'on." He shrugged. "I just don't like it."

"Ay." Daryl finally chimed in. "You eat, boy. We don't waste food. It's hard to find and it's hard to make. Now eat the food that your mama made fer ya."

"Yeah, Dallas." LB teased him.

"Shut up, Lori!" Dallas said back.

"Both 'a ya shut up and eat yer damn dinner." Daryl snapped. They both got quiet.

"Daryl." I scolded him and gave him a look. I wasn't kidding when I said he was on edge. And he was probably stressed out from trying to train Dog too. "He doesn't have to eat it." I turned to my son. "Dallas, I'm not going to make you eat something you don't like, but if you don't eat…you're going to have an empty tummy until breakfast tomorrow." I warned him.

"It's okay." Dallas said quietly. I eventually just nodded at him.

"Mommy?" LB asked me after sometime.

"Yes, my little butterfly?" I answered her without looking up.

"How come daddy is so much older than you?" She said innocently.

I looked up this time and smiled glancing at Daryl, then back to my five year old daughter. "You really wanna know?" She nodded. I looked down and smiled biting my lip before answering. "Because I fell in love with my soulmate." I grabbed Daryl's hand, he gave me a small smile. "Age doesn't stand in the way of true love." I know that probably sounded corny but it was true. Daryl and I gave each other a chaste kiss.

"That's so romantic." LB said and smiled.

"Blah." Dallas said and gagged. LB gave him an annoyed look. Daryl and I laughed.

Later that evening after the twins were put to bed, Daryl and I were sitting on the couch together. "How about what that little girl said about us being romantic?" Daryl said with a smirk.

I laughed. "I think she meant more of what I said." I laughed again.

"Oh yeah, probably."

"Well, what about Dallas gagging at us?" I giggled. "That's your son."

"That's yer son." We both laughed. "Yeah, I don't thank that boy will have many girlfriends."

"Maybe he'll wait til he finds the one, just like his daddy." I gave him a look.

"Then he'll be a lucky boy. But not as lucky as me." Daryl said making me giggle. He kissed me. "Come on, let's go to bed. Come on, boy." He called the dog as well. He usually sleeps with us. LB likes to sleep with Ponyboy.

"Be there in a minute." I called as he walked away. It got pretty quiet, then I heard little feet and smiled. Right on time.

"Mommy?" Dallas said. I lifted the blanket revealing the cookie I had for him. He smiled and ran over to me. I handed him the cookie, then lifted him onto my lap giving him three kisses. "Thank you, mommy."

"I knew my sweet boy would be hungry." I told him and held him close. "Everything going okay? How's school? You make any new friends?"

Dallas seemed to get quiet. "I guess so. And…no."

"No to new friends?" I looked at his little face. He nodded. "Oh, it's okay, sweetheart. You're just a little shy guy." I ruffled his hair. "You'll make friends some day."

"How come LB ain't shy?" Dallas looked at me.

"Well…everyone's different. Some people are and some people aren't."

"I wish I was one of the ones that aren't."

I gave him a sympathetic smile. "Yeah, I know." I rubbed his shoulder. "You know…I used to be shy when I was little."

"You, mom?" He gave me a surprised look.

"Yup." I nodded. "But…you know what I did?" He shook his head. "I made people laugh." I widened my eyes and smiled. "I learned to be funny. Well…I don't wanna say learned…It just came naturally."

He looked like he was thinking. "Do you think I'm funny?"

"Well, you made us laugh at dinner." I told him. "There's other times, too, that you've made us laugh."

"Really?"

"Mhm." I kissed his forehead. "And you'll be in an even better mood if you get some sleep." I lifted him off of me. "Come on, get to bed." I patted his little bottom.

He stopped and turned back around. "Thanks, mommy." He whispered. I smiled at him. Such a sweet boy.

"Please, mommy! Please!" LB begged close to tears. She came into our room shortly after I came to bed and started asking about going on some trip with a friend and her family. There was just no way that was happening. We made a rule that neither of our kids leaves the community until they are ten, especially if they are not with us. If she were nine, I might bend but she's far from that.

"We said, no, LB." I said sternly. "You should be in bed right now. When you're tired tomorrow morning, I don't wanna hear you crying."

"I don't care about that!" She pouted. "Please! Emily is going!"

"Emily isn't our kid. You are and you're not going." I said. She whined and crossed her arms in front of her. "You know the rules. You can't go out until you're ten. Are you ten? No, you're five, which is way far off from ten." She jumped up and down and had a temper tantrum but didn't leave. I sighed and glanced at Daryl, he was just sitting there like he hadn't heard a thing. "Daryl?" I said under my breath. He finally looked at me. "Help me out here."

He looked at LB and cleared his throat. "Lori-Beth, stop it right now." He said sternly.

"But daddy—

"Yer mama said no and this is somethin' we both agree on." He nodded. "Now you yer stop cryin' right now and get to bed or…yer spendin' all day tomorra in yer room."

I was very surprised. Daryl usually has no idea when it comes to punishment, so I'm usually the one that punishes the kids but that was a good one. I almost smiled at him.

"Hmm." LB crossed her arms. "I hate you!" She said and stomped out of the room.

Daryl and I shared a look. I smiled but he didn't. "Did you hear that?" I said. "We got our first, "I hate you." I giggled.

"I never said that to my parents." Daryl said. "And they actually deserved it."

"Yeah, I never said that to my parents either…but they didn't deserve it." I let out a small laugh.

"I'on like my little girl sayin' that." Daryl said lowly. I looked at him, he kind of had his head down.

"Daryl, she's only five. She didn't really mean it."

"Yeah, well…it sure sounded like she did."

I gave my husband a surprised look. He really seems like he's upset over this. It actually bothered me. I will have to have a talk with my daughter tomorrow and tell her that's not okay. In the meantime… "Try not to worry about it too much. She'll be fine." I rubbed Daryl's back and kissed his cheek.

I sent the twins off to school in the morning and then decided to clean up the kitchen. We usually eat dinner late so I save all the dishes until morning. That way I can just wash the breakfast dishes with the dinner ones.

I used to hate doing dishes. That was my most hated chore when I was younger. My mom always made me do them. Carl didn't have to do anything. I mean…I know he was just a little kid but still…I was probably around twelve or thirteen when my mom started making me do things around the house, that's like the same Carl was when the turn happened. I don't know. Maybe he was eleven. I don't even remember now. I shook my head. Not the point.

Anyway, I used to complain about doing the dishes all the time when I was younger. I tried using every excuse in the book to get out of doing them. I think the only time it worked was when I was either sick, hurt or I was going out. My mom basically told me oh well and that I was old enough to start helping out. She said when I got a job, then I didn't have to do anything anymore. So, I got a job as soon as I was legally allowed to. I wasn't playing around. I really hated those damn dishes. I laughed. Funny thing is, I don't really mind it now.

"So, what are yer plans fer today?" Daryl asked me bringing me out of my thoughts and kissing my neck.

I relaxed a little. "Not really sure." I said. "I might play hooky today." I gave him a toothy grin. "What about you?"

He shrugged. "I was thankin' about goin' huntin'."

"Oh." I nodded. "Are you going to take dog with you?"

"Nah." He shook his head. "He ain't ready yet. Far from it actually. He'll just be in the way. Another ass fer me to cover." He kind of laughed.

"Oh." I just looked at him for a moment. I know he's only joking when he says stuff like that but sometimes it bothers me when he talks about the dog that way. I mean…I found him and gave him to my husband as a gift. He was so excited when he first got him, now he acts like he's just a burden. "Okay." I shrugged. "He can keep me company then. I'll take him for a walk." I smiled at Dog.

"Alright." Daryl said. "I'll see ya later." We kissed each other, then he left. I watched him leave.

I turned around after that and looked at the empty house, my expression completely changed. I wasn't good at being alone…because when I am, my mind starts to wander and I have time to think. That's not good.

I'm alone a lot now with the twins in school and Daryl goes out all the time. He never did like being inside. You know what I always thought was strange about my husband? He's an extrovert because he would rather be outside than in BUT he has the personality of an introvert. I'm the exact opposite.

I'm inside most days now, but my personality is more of an extrovert. I have always been very friendly and outgoing. I love trying new things and I'm very adventurous. I guess we are the odd couple.

I sat down on the couch. I should make a plan for today…at least I will be doing something. I wrote down three things, then read them out loud. "I'm going to eat lunch in a little bit, walk the dog and organize the den." I smiled.

That didn't happen though. My mind was like an endless waterfall. And to make it worse…I stared at that bottle of vodka. I was supposed to throw it out after I used it for the recipe. Why would you waste a bottle of alcohol like that? My inner demon tempted me. You could need it one day. I wanted it real bad, but I knew I couldn't. It was just sitting there…teasing me. What's the big deal? I thought to myself. Why should I be sober? What's the harm in drinking? I mean…it's not like I have to get drunk. What's one drink going to do? I knew I was only making it worse. I knew that I couldn't just have one drink. Hell, I couldn't even have one sip. But why not? Who would know? Your husband? Like he's so perfect. He doesn't even know half the stuff that's going on with you. He won't even notice if the bottle is gone. I nodded and reached for the bottle, my hands were shaking.

Just then, a bark snapped me out of it. That's right. I wasn't alone.

"Alright." I turned to Dog. "It's just me and you now puppa." I squatted down and played with him for a little getting him excited. "You wanna go for a walk?" He got real excited after that. "Come on, let's go for a walk." I put his collar and leash on him and was about to leave but something stopped me.

I looked back at the vodka on the counter. I should really get rid of that. I walked back over there, grabbed the bottle, unscrewed the cap and was about to pour in down the drain. I was smart. However, my inner demon was smarter. I stopped myself before I poured it out and put the cap back on. Then…I hid that bottle where no one would ever find it.

"Come on, Dog!" I called. "Let's go."

It was a prefect day out, not hot and not cold…it was just right. It was nice to get some fresh air too. Dog seemed to be having a good old time, barking at butterflies, trying to chase another dog and getting excited when people walk by. It was adorable. However…that didn't help me.

My mind started to wander again when I saw my old friend, Tess. She ignored me. The thing is…I was going to do the same to her, but when I saw that she did it to me first…it bothered me. I haven't seen any of my "friends" in a long time. Not that I cared, I really never considered them friends anyway. But I don't know…they were at least people my age and someone I could talk to.

So…my mind started to wander again. I took out a pack of cigarettes and lit one up. I started to take up smoking again. Bad timing, I know…since Daryl quit. I guess it made me feel rebellious or something? I was robbed of that as I teenager because I didn't get to have a normal teenage life with the turn and all. I don't do it around him though. Just like, he probably drinks occasionally when he goes out. I shrugged. So, we are even.

I began thinking about how I'm home all the time. My life sure was different before the twins were born. I felt so…free back then. Now I felt like I was going crazy. But I couldn't help but wonder…did I do it to myself? I mean…I really don't think your husband would mind if you went out as much as he did. But I couldn't do that. No. There's things at home that need to be taken care of. And who would be there for the kids? It had to be me. It's just the way it is.

Why don't you have real job? He has a real job. He's out finding important supplies and hunting for good food that everybody needs. And sometimes even finds more people to bring in. He does all that while you are home trimming people's hair like an asshole. I mean…I don't really know what else I could do but…sometimes I just feel like I'm not doing enough. Like I'm not living up to my full potential. I honestly don't even know where these feelings come from. Maybe I really am losing my mind.

"Abby?" I heard a voice say that brought me back to now. It was Earl. "I didn't know you smoked?"

"Uh…" I looked at the half smoked cigarette in my hand. "I don't." I dropped it on the ground and stepped on it.

"That's a nasty habit." He told me. "You shouldn't get into that. You're still young. Wouldn't want to ruin your life, now, would you?"

I just looked at him. Is he an idiot? I just told him that I don't. "No." I smiled at him. "See you around." I waved and walked down the road. "Come on, Dog. Let's go back home."

I walked into the house and took Dog's collar and leash off of him and hung it up. But then I heard a noise in the back and froze. I glanced at the clock, it was still too early for the kids to be home. "Daryl?" I called. No answer. Shit. That means there's someone in my house. I grabbed my knife because it was the closest thing to me and headed back there.

The noise was coming from the den. It sounded like the TV was on, then I heard laughter that sounded like children. My shoulders slumped and I walked faster inside. The twins were sitting on the couch watching a movie. Why are they home so early? "What the hell?" I said making them jump. They gasped and looked at me. "What are you guys doing? Why aren't you in school?" I yelled. They didn't answer, but shared a look. I became angry. How dare they skip school and then not answer me when I ask them something. I grabbed the remote and turned the movie off. "One of you better start talking or you're going to wish you never got out of bed this morning." I threatened them.

"Mommy." Dallas said lowly. I looked at him waiting for his answer. This better be good. "We-we're off for Thanksgiving break, remember?"

I blinked a few times, then realized what he said and my whole attitude changed. "What?" I glanced at the calendar. He was right, I had it written on the days. I felt like an idiot. An over dramatic idiot. "But…I thought you guys went to school earlier this morning.

"No, mommy." LB said. "We were in bed. Sleeping in."

"O-oh." I looked down. I really am losing my mind. And I yelled at them probably scaring them half to death. I felt like a fool in that moment. I really wanted to cry for some reason.

"Mommy, are you okay?"

"Go to your room." I said.

"But why? We didn't do anything." LB argued.

"Because I need a minute to think." I snapped. They sat there and stared at me. "Go now." They got up after that and quickly walked to their room giving me a side glance when they walked passed me. They probably think I'm crazy.

Once I heard their door close, I began to cry. I sobbed with my hands over my face. What's wrong with me? Why am I so emotional lately? And where is my mind?

"Hey guys." I opened their door and walked in sometime later. I hesitated. "Listen…I'm sorry for…yelling at you and all. I just got my days mixed up and I haven't been feeling myself lately." I rolled my eyes and smiled. I scolded myself for saying that. Don't tell them that, they won't understand. I sighed. "Look, I'm just…I'm sorry, okay?" I nodded.

They both seemed hesitant, I was beginning to worry and bit my lip. "It's okay, mommy." Dallas said. I sighed in relief and smiled. That's my sweet boy. I glanced at LB.

"Yeah." She finally said. "It's okay." I smiled at her too. I stood there for a moment, then started to walk away. "Mommy?" LB said. I walked back into the room. "What I said yesterday…I don't hate you. Or daddy."

I gave her a smile and nodded. "I know, baby." I walked over to them and gave each of them a hug and kiss. "Make sure you tell your daddy that. He was pretty upset when you said that." She gave me a look. I pushed her hair back, then slowly left the room. Sighing in relief against the wall. That went better than I thought. I smiled.