Chapter 68

Sienna knew her mate was on the edge. He had been ever since Alja had appeared in the den and it had gotten even worse since Kaleb Krychek had taken her away again. Hawke's wolf it seemed was more often in charge than not lately. But she wasn't scared of the big bad predator; because of one thing she was dead certain: he would never hurt her. His desire to protect her was so fierce that it even had overridden the logical choice to involve her when Krychek had threatened the pack.

She'd been so proud of the trust and reliance they had achieved as an alpha pair, when he'd called her to help dealing with the hurt Arrow. But she had held back while Alja was in their territory, knowing it upset Hawke to have her close to danger. But when push came to shove her mate had ignored her skills completely and decided to go lone wolf, handling the threat on his own.

They'd had one hell of a fight about him not relying on her in such a situation. Ok, it had been more than a fight. She had completely lost it, when she'd heard how close Hawke had come to getting killed by that psychopath. So their fight had involved some extra demonstrations of her lethal X-fire to make him see how she could have tipped the scales in an escalated confrontation with the most powerful telekinetic on the planet. A good portion of hair on his arms and chest had been singed off in the process, which she had regretted later, because she loved the feel of those. But in the end she'd made her point. She'd also understood that Hawke hadn't been able to think past the immediate threat of the situation. He'd always think of her as his mate, his to protect first. It was kind of romantic after all, so she didn't mind to continuously remind him that she could kick some serious ass herself. As she was about to now.

She had thought the make-up sex after their fight had taken care of most of the aggressive energy in his system, but the bursts of temper she received via the mating bond all day told a different story. There was more to this. And what kind of mate would she be if she didn't talk, bully or sex it out of him?

Getting to his office she heard the crash behind the closed door a second before she entered.

His desk was empty, huge claw marks scarring the surface. What had once been on it lay scattered and broken at the base of the opposite wall.

But she had barely time to process it, when she was hauled into a crushing embrace and kissed half senseless before she could even gasp. He backed her into the wall, his thigh pushing between hers his hands sliding under her T-shirt.

"Hawke stop it!" she demanded, the moment his mouth left hers to close on her neck in a biting kiss that branded her. While one of his hands closed over her breast, the other found its way down between her thighs, cupping her roughly. It worked as it always had: shattering her self-control to bits.

She couldn't let it. Not now. A mate knew when to give in and now was not one of those times. Oh, she knew it would be rough, but so good, when he was in that mood. But it would help neither their relationship nor the pack, if she let him have his way now, if she let him pull this thing to a sexual level. Hawke was beyond angry and she had to know at least why before she let him take it out on her.

He didn't listen.

"Hey!" It was a sharp command accompanied by a sizzle of cold fire just enough to prickle against the tips of his fingers.

Finally he removed the hand between her thighs and gave her some space. When she met his gaze the wolf looked back at her.

"So will you tell me what this is about? Or do you have to go caveman some more? Because I'm sure as hell not playing sexual punching bag for you." She chose deliberately harsh words to make it clear she wasn't about to be distracted by his admittedly convincing, though rough seduction skills.

He stepped back instantly, both hands coming to rest on her hips, but not in any way less possessive. "Jesus Sienna, I'm sorry I lost it. You still sore from this morning?"

"Nothing I'm not used to by now," she retorted smugly. "But it is a good thing you're mated to someone who can deal with you." His hold gentled as he pulled her back with him and onto his lap on his office chair. "So what's this about?" she insisted.

"Besides the obvious – That a fucking maniac invaded our territory right after we moved heaven and earth to help him?" Yep, the wolf was definitely still close to the surface.

"Ok, I understand you're angry. He threatened the whole pack and you didn't have much to bargain with. Hell, I could fry the bastard myself. And that's exactly what we agreed will happen if he ever comes close to us again. So what? Don't tell me your male pride is hurt because this is something your Psy mate may have to handle."

"No it's not. Well maybe a little." A dangerous smile. "And I'll have to win it all back by making you scream again tonight."

"No objection to that. But don't get off the subject. Why are you still looking, as if you want to tear someone's throat out?" The smile on his face vanished as fast as he'd put it on to be replaced by a dark confusion, she had rarely seen in her strong, confident wolf.

"Because I don't." It was a growl.

"What?" She raised her brows.

"I don't want to tear out his throat."

"Ok." She had no idea where this was going, so she waited for the rest.

"He threatened us. He put me in a position where I would have been completely powerless if not for you. And still I'm not as angry as I should be." And it tore at him. To protect the pack he had to be able to see crystal clear who the enemy was and he had to act on it. He should be plotting revenge for Kaleb's threat, just as they had done whenever a Councilor had dared trying to fuck with them. But he could no longer close his eyes to the fact, that the situation wasn't as simple as it had been some months ago.

"Why?" Sienna asked carefully, stroking the thick silver-blond silk of his hair with firm hands, anchoring his beast with the touch of its mate.

"It was so easy to think they were different from us. Even after you and your family. All of you are out of the Net. I didn't realize I still made that distinction until I saw them." It had started when he smelled the male scent on Alja's skin, seen her subtle emotional interactions with Sascha. But even knowing she was an empath, he'd been able to ignore that and all the other little signs. He'd wanted to see only the Psy soldier Alja had let them see. He had expected first her and then Kaleb to operate as cold and as logical as Psy in the Net usually did. And then Kaleb had shown up and shattered that illusion to the pile of garbage it had been. "They're two Psy in the Net and they feel just as intensely as we do."

"Even if they do, that doesn't justify what he did." But she no longer sounded as furious as she had when she'd first mentioned Kaleb's actions. Because she knew exactly what Hawke meant. Only her fear for her mate had trumped that logic inside her for a while as well.

"Doesn't it? He teleported her to Judd in the hope she'd be safe with him, but the idiot ran off to help him instead and left her with us. He thought she was alone and injured with the enemy. And no matter how I look at it, I can't blame him for reacting like he did." Before she could object again he forced out the truth that had been torturing his conscience ever since that one image had opened his eyes: "I saw the way he looked at her." And he'd seen himself looking at Sienna, when he'd thought their world was going to blow up. "And I started thinking that I don't know what I'd do, if it was you in that situation."

Sienna was silent, searching for a way to explain it away, finding none. She had noted everything about Alja as she had helped to treat her wounds; from the way she was dressed to the bite mark on her nape that would have made any changeling proud. She hadn't looked like an Arrow, hadn't even looked like someone Ming would allow to live. And for the first time Sienna wondered if she had started to make the same distinction between Psy in and outside the Net? Maybe. It usually applied.

"But it's even worse," Hawke finally continued. "I do know what I'd do. I chose you over the pack even when I thought you wouldn't make it, even when I thought you were killing them. I didn't care. Not in that moment." Naked agony distorted his face as he spoke. "How am I to judge him for threatening people who were – for him at least – a bunch of strangers?"

And Sienna knew she couldn't argue with what he'd said. She was alive because of his choice. But she also knew how close to fatal destruction of everything she loved she'd come. "Those strangers happened to be your pack. There's a difference between judging someone's actions and protecting those who are yours. It's just no longer as simple as it was when the Council were the bad guys per definition. It's no longer us or them. But the world can't have people with powers like ours lose it like that." Ours she'd said. It sounded strange. As if she was like Kaleb Krychek. But in that aspect it was the truth. Maybe in others too.

"I know, but I'm not a hypocrite. We were fucking lucky to find a way to stabilize you. I can't deny them their chance. Not when I have one of the most lethal Psy for a mate. Not when it has made the pack so much stronger to have you and your family." And that made their situation so much more difficult it gave him headaches.

But what he said made Sienna fall in love with him all over again. "That's what makes you such a good alpha and such a good mate. You saw the heart in me and my family and now you see it in them. You're not cold. The pack will understand and they will follow you, whatever you decide." Even if – probably even because Hawke wouldn't chose the easy way out. He wouldn't paint the world black and white when there were so many shades in between. The Psy might have done a lot of harm, but her mate wouldn't condemn all of her race to a fate some of them had chosen a hundred years ago. "And maybe what Alja worked out with Alice and Sascha is already enough to help them."

"You think she really can to it?" Because under all his anger, Hawke felt the deepest worry for his mate's race too. Sienna might have found her home in his pack, but it would devastate her to see the Psy fall.

To his surprise she smiled suddenly. "After all she survived Ming too. Women who do that can do almost anything."