A thought that wouldn't leave my brain, so I had to write it down. Special thanks to alyssa (donnaandharvey) for being my guidepost and for isa (isabellaposters) for being an excellent cheerleader on this one.
—
'and so it goes'
—
And for once you let go
Of your fears and your ghosts
One step, not much, but it said enough
—
It's been the most glorious few weeks.
She'd transitioned from the hearing of nothing but loud silences, to him practically yelling his feelings from the rooftops of the city. It seemed that almost every day he did something, whether it be big or small, that caused her breath to hitch and catch in the back of her throat. She found her consistently at a loss for words, and she's Donna, she's never lacking for something to say. But with Harvey, he just continued to make her lose her footing. She thinks she likes it. Well, actually she loves it, if she's honest. She loves the slight stumbling it causes within her, like her brain just can't fathom the fact that she finally has him. That he's finally hers and she's his.
The long day at the office had them leaving the firm well past 8 o'clock, both exhausted from the day but finally breathing easier now that they were alone together. They had quickly stopped by a restaurant a few blocks from her building, chatting easily over their meals, and simply enjoying the company of one another. He'd ordered her favorite wine and asked about her day and held her hand across the table and looked at her like she was the eighth wonder of the world. Then, they'd paid their bill and they found themselves continually lost in each other as he walked her to the car with his hand on the small of her back. It had been a nice evening so they chose to walk the few blocks to her apartment, his hand in hers the entire way.
As they reached her apartment, they'd barely made it through her front door before he had her pressed up against it wantonly, devouring her mouth and that sweet spot on the column of her neck as he said on a sigh, "God, I've been wanting to do that all day."
They'd made their way to the bed, lost in a tumbling heap of limbs and lips, then shared a shower before continuing with their nightly routine. This was one of Donna's favorite parts of their nights together. The domesticity. Something as simple as standing side by side, smiling at each other in the mirror as they brushed their teeth was utterly comforting. The fact that he can barely manage to look away from her face, and that he loves to catch her gaze in the mirror. She loves that as he exits the bathroom he always presses a gentle kiss to the side of her forehead and whispers, "Don't be too long," softly in her hair.
Now, she finds herself cuddled into his side, head on his chest as he flips the channels of the television to the news, just to catch the headlines before the inevitability of sleep overtakes them.
She's listening to his breathing and reveling in the softness of his skin against her cheek. She has to close her eyes as this intense sense of calm washes over her. She feels secure. She feels full to the brim. She's never felt this way before. No one has ever made her feel the way Harvey does and it's only been decades of longing and weeks of reality but she knows she can never go back. She knows she's forever changed. She's never been more sure of it than in this moment.
"I can hear the wheels turning in there," his voice interrupts her thoughts. Donna opens her eyes and gives him a watery smile, glancing up at him. She doesn't even realize that a single tear is slipping out of the corner of her eye until he reaches up to wipe it away with the pad of his thumb.
"Hey, what's this? What's wrong?" he questions softly.
She closes her eyes again briefly, almost afraid to look at him. "Nothing, I just —" she starts, hesitantly then sighs softly. "Sometimes," she whispers, her voice breaking. "Sometimes I just feel so much. Almost too much. My life is so wrapped up in you, and has been for years. Occasionally, it just overwhelms me, everything I feel for you," she says trying to put it into words. "I've spent so long holding every feeling in and never saying what I truly felt, and on nights like tonight where everything feels so perfect, I just —" she shrugs.
"And that makes you cry?" Harvey says in the tone he reserves only for her.
Donna shakes her head and says, "No, it just — it makes me feel, I don't know, full, I guess. I'm just so filled with you, with us, with all that this means for us, with all that you are, that sometimes it's hard to hold it all inside."
Harvey stares at her for a moment, still looking at her in that specific way that almost makes her blush with its intensity. He slowly slides himself down so they are nose to nose and strokes his thumb against her cheek adoringly. After another quiet moment, he lovingly whispers, "Donna."
Harvey says her name like a promise, a benediction, a prayer. He slowly draws out each letter like he's painting her name on a canvas.
"Donna," he pauses, then says, "you're the love of my life," he says softly but surely.
Her eyes flutter closed and her breath hitches yet again in the back of her throat as she whispers, "Harvey."
"Donna, I love you. I'm never going to leave you. You're it for me. This is it for me. I'm finally where I'm supposed to be, remember?"
With a shake of her head and a sweet kiss to his lips, she whispers softly, "We both are."
As their lips pull away from each other, he smiles at her then reaches for the remote to turn off the television, settling them in bed with her head returning to his chest and contented smiles adorning both of their faces. Suddenly, nothing in the world matters except for them and this moment. The world around them falls away and it's just Donna and Harvey and all the love the world has ever managed to create — manifesting itself within the four walls of her bedroom.
The comforting silence overtakes them as they are bathed in darkness and love. She feels his breathing slow and knows that sleep has finally captured him. She listens to the gentle calming whispers of his breath against her hair and feels the slight rise and fall of his chest and she lets the serene feeling wrap her up and lull her to sleep.
She'll never again have to doubt his feelings for her and he'll never again wonder what it is that she truly wants or needs. They used to have silent conversations with their eyes, but now they have screaming matches with their hearts. There's no question in their eyes, only answers.
After all, they're both finally where they're supposed to be.
—
You can hear it in the silence, silence, you
You can feel it on the way home, way home, you
You can see it with the lights out, lights out
You are in love, true love
—