Chapter 71

Of course Aden cleared Alja to return to the Krychek HQ. Vasic brought her directly to Kaleb's office the moment her medical check-up was done, right where Kaleb could protect her. But she only allowed herself a few moments with him, before she asked to return to her own office to work. "I'm better now. I want to work on some ideas how we might turn the situation in our favor. I think I might be closer to a solution than I thought I was." The air of hope and determination she put on was almost perfect. It didn't have to be. She enforced the impression she wanted to convey with projection. A test for the real deal that would come later. Kaleb seemed satisfied, even relieved to see her so composed again.

She closed her eyes and breathed deeply when she reached her office. One last time she had to turn the most sacred emotion into a weapon. It ripped her apart. She couldn't let it. She had to hold up the projection continuously and strengthen slowly. It would take all her concentration. But she wouldn't need it for much else, only her shields. Ming would have taken care of everything else. And his people would be right on time.

So she had two more hours to kill.

She sat down on her desk, meditated once more to make it easier to focus on the strongest and probably most reprehensible projection she'd ever done. She would need all the calm and strength she could scrape up. She would have rather liked to spend the time with Kaleb, but her plan would never work if she had to hold up her façade that long, if she truly allowed herself to be with him.

Kaleb hadn't been sure if he'd be able to let Alja go even as far as her own office. Even in the few hours he had needed to ensure security at the HQ once more he'd been tempted to teleport back to her more than once, the protectiveness in him taking over almost every thought. But beyond the almost insane need to have her close to be able to control if possible every particle in the air around her to protect her, he was still intelligent and cunning enough to know she wouldn't comply with the measures of security he'd have liked to take. Yes, he wouldn't have shied back from using force to keep her safe, if he'd thought that would work. But she wasn't like the genteel creature he once sought to find so bad and would now again for the sole reason that he'd promised it to Alja. No, she could make his life damn hard by fighting any obvious restrictions of her freedom, even worn out as she might be right now. And he couldn't allow that distraction. So he had to manipulate her. He wasn't above that either. He'd decided to give her that much space when she asked to go to work in her office, as long as that was all it took to keep her quiet. If she stirred any further in the direction of danger… Well, he hadn't lied, when he'd said he'd save her, even if he made her hate him.

But then something had happened. Alja had been so totally composed, not a trace left of the deeply troubled woman he'd left this morning. Seeing her so determined, even hopeful had calmed him better than anything else since they had been attacked. And the effect didn't fade even as she left his immediate presence. He could sense her mind unwavering in her office and it was enough.

He hadn't seen her like this in – ever. When he'd left her at the secret military base in Siberia, where he'd taken them after returning from California she had been so insecure, so desperate, he had believed her to be close to breaking point again. But now she seemed confident again. He was curious what ideas she had. Of course she would find a solution, his tough, strong Alja. It was what he'd always believed. So the hope that she'd found that belief herself once more bloomed easily inside him. It was logical. For a short moment the smallest doubt crept into his thoughts. Had she really been alright? Hadn't the stars in her eyes been falling away into infinity just like this morning? Well, that probably didn't mean anything. She'd said she was close to figuring out a solution to all of this. So of course he didn't deny her, when she asked for his attention barely two hours later.

Alja stepped into Kaleb's office and silently closed the door behind her. His arms were already waiting when she turned and she let herself sink into his embrace, into the thunderstorm and darkness of his scent that had come to feel like the home she'd never had. She was careful not to hold on too tight, conscious he wouldn't tell her if it hurt where he was injured. Oh but how she wanted more! More time. More of him. She'd have given anything even for just one more night of passion in Kaleb's arms. But she had nothing left to give.

Her focus wavered for a second.

"Alja. Are you ok?" Another tendril of doubt, of almost-fear that crept up inside him.

And Alja couldn't push it back for a second. She'd underestimated his impact on her, when he was close. That voice. The way he always said her name, like she was his personal revelation. She pulled the hold on her projection tighter just to be almost crushed by the gentleness in his eyes as he looked at her. But that was a lie. She knew it, because it was her lie. Finally she regained the iron hold of her own emotions as well as his. "Do you remember when I said I was your weakness?"

He nodded. Of course he did. How could he ever forget that painful conversation that had led to Alja's nonsensical conclusions? For just the fracture of a second a question sparked up inside him where those conclusions might have led her. Then its importance was swamped by the overwhelming feeling of hope and trust in Alja.

"That gave me an idea. I can't be your weakness anymore, if we make them believe I'm gone. But they have to believe it, they have to really see it. Only then you'll be safe and I'll have the time to figure out my empathy." And then she told him what she was about to do, started weaving the strings of her web around him. It is to protect him, it will save him, she justified her actions to herself over and over. She backed her projection up with every bit of twisted half-truth she knew would make it stick afterward, hopefully. Maybe he'd hate her after all, when he realized what she'd done. That would make it easier for him. Or he would hold on to the hope she waved in front of him. Either way her scheme would work. Oh yes, Ming would be proud of her. It was a bitter thought. One that made it even harder to go against her nature again and fighting back the emotions that were stirred inside Kaleb by logic and everything he knew.

"Alja this is insane. You'll never succeed…" A sharp spike of fear rose up inside Kaleb. It was muted before it reached a point where it could influence his actions. But it had been enough to make him see that something was wrong. And his logical thinking still worked well enough… Because for once it wasn't his thinking that was impaired by her. It almost slipped out of his grasp again. But finally he got it. "No! You're not doing this to me again!" His shocked reply held anger and fear. He had gotten better with emotions after all, as it seemed.

"You can feel this?" Alja put more force in the projection trying to override his logical thinking with emotion. And she saw the struggle in his features that wanted to pull tight in shock, while her influence told them to relax.

Kaleb felt his resolve to stop Alja slip away. "Please, Alja!" he tried, but his voice was a pleading whisper without any bite. He might have gotten better, but he wasn't used to feeling for long. So his doubts were no match against the power of Alja's projection.

I'm sorry. Her mental voice whispered. He wasn't even sure if it was real. But the look in her eyes was pure regret for a moment. I wish I had met you in another life, another world maybe. It would have been easier... But I need you to trust me now. The last words were a whisper. And she repeated them on the physical plane as well.

"Shh… Kaleb. You have to trust me on this. I'll make it alright. I will hide well. So well even you might not be able to find me. But I will come back to you. I promise," she lied. "I told you the Net won't let me die." She clung to that last hope, her belief in the Net, like a drowning man to a straw, so her own fear wouldn't overrun her. But she knew where she was going there was no escape from extinction.

Kaleb could feel the strangeness of the emotions but his resistance was crumbling nonetheless. Because this was not as opposed to his true feelings as the hate had been. This was natural. If he didn't trust Alja who else should he trust?

Maybe she was right after all. She could find a way through this, if she said so. She was most likely to cause a political uproar that was just what he needed to be done with the remnants of the Council once and for all. Something in this logic was flawed, but it barely registered in the back of his mind. He didn't care. He felt safe with this. Finally there was a simple solution. So he did what she had asked for and called the local media.

And of course he didn't even object when they came for her.

Only an hour later, TV screens all over the world filled with the same picture: A woman with cardinal eyes stepped in front of a microphone, closely followed by Psy elite soldiers who didn't let her out of their sight for a second. Many had seen her before. But something about her face was different now. And it wasn't the emotion that was publicly displayed on a face that should have been as cold as those of her brethren. No, it were her eyes. They hadn't been cardinal on the pictures of the ball. It must have been a Council secret. That it was revealed now could only imply something big. Tension took hold even of the Silent.

Then the woman started to speak.

NewsNet broadcast 17.05.2082

"My name is Espérance Milhaud. As some may already have noticed, my actions have caused some disturbance during the last weeks, open and covert. I am here today to inform the public about my intentions and remedy the damage I have caused to our great society: I have a defective genome that not only causes my psyche to reject the Silence Protocol. It also equips me with an aberrant ability that produces the same effect in other Psy. My defects have been hidden by my parents, who were both criminals, who have already been brought to justice by the Council decades ago. But because of their initial precautionary measures I was able to live and act undiscovered in the PsyNet until today. I have been destabilizing Silence for almost three decades. In my disordered state I was convinced that this was a higher quest for me. I also tried to manipulate Councilor Krychek into furthering my cause, which was successful to some extent. It is possible that I am thus responsible for some recent events of instability in the Net as well. Today I acknowledge that my actions to this day have been that of a disturbed mind and harmful to the Psy population. I take full responsibility for my faults and actions. And to negate the influence of my defective mind on the Net I hereby submit myself freely to comprehensive rehabilitation."