Jarrod had a monumental headache, and it was largely Nick's fault. He'd had to go before the Judge in Ira McArthur's trial and explain to his honor that the defendent was no longer working for him and therefore he could no longer guarantee the man would be employed. The judge had raked him over the coals, something that hadn't happened since he was a first year attorney. The judge had also dismissed him as the man's pro bono attorney and assigned another one to the case. It had been humiliating.
As if that wasn't enough Jarrod had discovered just this morning that Nick had rats-RATS!- in his room. They were caged in a fairly elaborate set up, but they were rats all the same and Jarrod's first and kindest impulse, followed by several less kind impulses, were to take the dirty little things and turn them loose someplace far away from the ranch.
He was additionally aggrieved when he discovered that one of the reasons he couldn't find Nick after discovering his equipment and so on had been neglected was because Nick was spending the afternoon talking to Doc Marten again. Best Jarrod could tell, Nick did so every week and as always, anything that involved Doc Marten set Jarrods' teeth on edge.
What made it worse was the investigators he'd hired had returned with glowing reports of Doctor Marten, top marks in school, admiring peers, an impressive reputation as an alienist, albeit one with unique views on how to treat melancholy and hysteria. It grated on his nerves to not be able to point to a single specific legitimate reason to dislike the man.
But the whole affair with McArthur had proven that Jarrod's relationship with Nick was possibly even worse than he had thought. Despite his efforts, everything he did to try to help only seemed to blow up in his face.
Like it not, Dr Marten seemed to be Nick's chosen confident right now, and if Jarrod wanted to find out what his brother was thinking, he had to start somewhere. He suspected Dr Marten might be able to help, even if he was the single most annoying person Jarrod had ever met. So, after walking to the Dr's office and wrestling with the fact that if he listed the top ten things he DIDN"T want to do, visiting Doc Marten was three of them, he finally grabbed the door latch and walked in.
"I was wondering if you were going to come in." Dr Marten greeted him. "You know if you stood out there too much longer I was going to have to charge you a fee. So, what can I do for you? You feeling sick?"
"No."
"Are you here for one of your relatives? Do I need to get my medical bag?"
"No. Nothing like that." Jarrod was irritated. He suspected Doc Marten knew exactly why here was here but was going to force him to say it.
"So, what are you here for? There must be some reason you're standing in my vestibule."
"What are you doing to Nick?"
"Ah." The Doctor exhaled softly. "Maybe we should go to my office." He gestured towards a door and led Jarrod inside. It wasn't huge but it was a good size for a single person.
Doctor Marten gestured towards a seat while he relaxed into his own. "Have a seat."
Jarrod briefly considered standing.
"Please." The Doctor gestured again and Jarrod reluctantly sat. "You want to know what I'm doing to your brother. Would you believe me if I told you we spend our time talking?"
"For months on end?"
"If need be."
"And what do you talk about?"
A slight smile. "That's private."
"Too private to share with his family?" Oh, this man was annoying.
"If he thinks so. If Nick wants to tell you what we talk about, that's up to him. I can't tell you information about my patients any more than you can give me information about your clients."
"There's no reason for him to be your patient anymore." Jarrod pointed out.
"I disagree. And as long as he thinks he can use my help, he's my patient."
"His hands healed long ago-"
"I'm not treating his hands."
"Then what exactly are you treating?" Jarrod demanded.
"The rest of him. The parts that make up the whole, if you will."
Jarrod eyed him distrustfully and the Doctor leaned forward.
"Don't you wonder why Nick seemed to drop off a cliff after that court martial incident?"
"He felt guilty. He blamed himself for something that wasn't his fault."
The Doctor shook his head.
"It was more than that. It wasn't just what happened that night, it was happened the day before, and the week before and the year before and the decade before. All the pieces that make up our life affect what we do and how we feel today. And if some of those pieces don't fit as well as they should then that can be a problem. You can't go back and repair the piece, what you can do is change how you react because of it. That's what Nick and I are working on."
Jarrod gritted his teeth.
"I take it you don't agree." The Doctor said dryly. "I have gathered from Nick that the two of you seem to be…knocking heads a bit lately."
"A lot more than a bit." Jarrod said reluctantly. "I don't understand what he's doing half the time. Until now I may have wanted to wring his neck occasionally, but I understood him. Lately though I don't know what he's thinking. Or Why."
"The 'why' is simple," Doc Marten responded. "He's trying to change. Let him."
"I don't like it." Jarrod admitted, appalled at himself. This was the last man he wanted to confide in.
"Of course, you don't like it. When people change it's usually irritating to the people around them; but you can't stuff him back into a box labeled 'This is the brother I know' just because it's easier for you."
Jarrod sighed and got up to leave. He wasn't satisfied but he suspected he wasn't going to get anywhere. He paused in the doorway.
"Did you know he's living with rats?"
The Doctor appeared startled.
"Rats? Real Rats?"
Jarrod nodded grimly.
"Two of them. He's built them a cage that's like some rodent Taj Mahal."
"Why did he decide to make pets out of them?"
"I don't know." Jarrod was exasperated. "I haven't asked him."
"Well, maybe you should."
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Conversation over dinner that night was even more stilted and uncomfortable than last night's. Heath had observed that Jarrod had been noticeably silent, but on several occasions had paused eating, fixed his eyes on Nick and got that look Heath privately labeled the "we need to talk" expression.
Audra's latest swain has questionable morals? "Audra, we need to talk." Mother decided to get thrown in prison to investigate a death? "Mother, we need to talk." Someone from Heath's past turns up and Jarrod suspects they're up to no good? "Heath, we need to talk."
So, the fact that Jarrod had the 'we need to talk' look on his face and kept pinning his eyes on Nick suggested he was the target of this latest conversation.
What was unusual was that Jarrod seemingly was having some sort of problem bringing it up. Whatever the cause was, Heath mentally wagered himself a beer that Jarrod was one more piercing look away from discussing whatever he felt needed airing out. Jarrod paused, put down his fork, focused on Nick again and said:
"Nick, we need to talk."
Heath could just feel the cool, frothy brew sliding down his throat.
bvbvbvbvbvbvbvbv
"Nick, we need to talk."
Jarrod was unusually uncertain of himself, trying to find the right time to discuss the whole rat matter with Nick. He knew in advance that any sign of disapproval was going to turn this conversation into a shouting match, so before he went any further, he took his first considered query of "For God's sake Nick, why did you bring those filthy creatures into the house?" and squelched it firmly. Keep an open mind, he told himself; and when his cringing mind responded by slamming shut at the whole idea of rodents in the house, he determinedly used a crowbar to wedge open a small space labeled "rats"."
"What about?" Nick sounded wary.
"I was...curious. I understand you uh...have some pets? Jarrod had to clamp his jaw down on other possible descriptions of the rats. Er...pets.
"Yeah. Got them about two weeks ago."
"And...these are ... rats?"
"Two of them." Nick said defensively. "I have them in a cage." He added helpfully, as if the fact that they were in a cage made them something other than rats.
"Nick! You brought RATS in the house?" Mother all but jumped to her feet. Audra didn't say anything but looked horrified beyond words; a state Jarrod hoped would last.
"Just two!"
"Rats?"
Nick bristled.
"Mother." Jarrod tried to soothe his Mother, "May I... ?"
Still looking appalled, Victoria nodded and sat down gingerly as if she suspected the rats in question were crawling under her feet.
Jarrod was feeling slightly lost. Usually he would use his 'cross examination' manner to get more information but the relationship between himself and Nick was too 'tetchy', to use a Heathism, to fall back on that. He finally gave up trying to find a way to interrogate his brother and just let his utter confusion show.
"Can I ask why you got rats? I mean, I can imagine a dog or even a cat maybe, but...rats?"
"Well, I wasn't planning on it." Nick still sounded slightly defensive. "I was in the barn and I heard the scratching noise behind me and I turned around and saw the two rats, so I threw something at them and missed but it did knock them off the ledge where they were. '
"One was stunned and the other one wasn't and I thought 'Well, at least I'll get that one' only as I get over there to kill it the first rat came running back to the second one, and he was holding a piece of hay. The second rat grabbed it and the first rat started leading it away and I realized the second rat was blind.I couldn't believe it. I mean, they were rats, but one of them cared enough about the other to help it. They weren't just filthy little rodents, they were more than that."
He gave a pleading look at his mother.
"I couldn't kill them then, not just because they're rats. So, I put a bucket over them and built a cage and brought them to my room. I've been handing them. They're very clean, they're friendly. They're fun to watch. If I turn them out now, they're gonna get killed in days."
Jarrod rubbed a hand over his forehead. Why, he wondered wearily, couldn't anything with Nick be easy? Why not a dog or a cat? Why not pigeons? He'd heard pigeons made good pets. They could be friendly, used to send messages and in a pinch, cooked and eaten. But no, it had to be rats. Granted, they were perhaps unusual rats but...rats?
Victoria looked at him for ideas and he shrugged slightly. Getting rid of the rats at this point, would be probably be a bigger problem than keeping them.
Victoria sighed. "You will keep them in your room Nick?" Technically this was a request but in reality it was a demand.
Nick didn't care. He nodded happily.
"Not a problem. I'm thinking of expanding their cage.."
And he continued talking, sounding so happy and excited that Jarrod, for the first time, didn't mind that they were rats.
BVBVBVBVBVBVBV
Jarrod walked through the door of Doc Marten's practice and knocked on the door of the study. He didn't particularly want to be here, but having informed the man about Nick's rats, felt honor bound to get back to him with what he had discovered.
"Mr Barkley, nice to see you again."
"He felt sorry for them." Jarrod said flatly.
"I'm sorry?" The Doctor looked genuinely baffled.
"Nick. He felt sorry for the rats. They're rather unusual, it seems."
"Unusual how?" He definitely had the Doc's attention.
"One of them is blind and the other leads it around with a piece of hay that they both bite on; almost like a leash. When he realized that he said he couldn't just kill them, so he brought them inside. "
"Huh. That's interesting."
"That's your word for it?" Jarrod said sourly. "He's keeping vermin as pets and your word for it is 'Interesting?'"
Marten cocked his head. "You don't find it so? Here's two creatures he usually, I assume, would have killed as pests, but he decided to protect and care for them instead. I find that interesting."
Jarrod sat on the arm of a chair. "Well I called that-" Crazy his mind supplied, Nuts was an alternative. He decided to shelve them both. "Unusual behavior."
"Why does that bother you?" Doc asked.
"Oh come on! Bringing rats into the house? Building some rodent castle for them to live in?" Jarrod said with exasperation. "Of course it bothers me. Sometimes I don't even recognize him anymore!"
"It's possible you don't; not if you're looking for the Nick Barkley of a year ago. Maybe that's what bothers you the most, that he's not the person you are used to."
"Then who is he?" Jarrod asked in exasperation.
"Well, I'd guess that's up to Nick."
"This isn't something he would have done before..." Jarrod looked for a polite way to phrase it.
"Before I came to town?"
"Exactly."
"Mr Barkley," The Doctor leaned forward. "I am not the enemy here. There is no enemy here. There's just Nick, trying to figure out some things that, well let's just say have been bothering him for a long time. It's my job to help him."
"Then why is he so angry all the time?" Jarrod demanded.
The question seemed to surprise the Doctor. "Is that your impression? That he's become angry just recently? You see, I would suggest he's been angry for years. I fact I believe your description is 'a bull in a china shop?'"
Jarrod flushed slightly.
"I understand he has started or finished several brawls, is well known for settling things with his fists, takes offense easily, has in fact, actually punched people over an insult. He seems impulsive, easily baited and rarely thinks things through. This is not the description of a calm and happy person. I should think you'd be pleased that he's trying to...let's say resolve things differently."
Jarrod glowered at the man. "Look, Nick may have been hot tempered but at least he seemed to be happy. But lately he's sullen and withdrawn, sulks his way through meetings, opposes my every suggestion as soon as I've made it. I don't think THAT'S the description of a happy man either. And I've been doing everything I can to make things easier on him."
"So, you feel as if he doesn't appreciate it?"
"Not a bit." Jarrod said bitterly. "I have an office in San Francisco that I've probably seen once a month at most in the last year. I've cut back on my practice here in Stockton. I double check the books to make certain he's not missing anything. I've tried to evaluate the ranch and see what it might need, I've even gone to auctions and sales Nick and Heath don't want to go to. I haven't asked him for thanks and I've received damn little-"
Jarrod was surprised to find an burning knot in his chest and his body rigid with tension.
Doc Marten cocked his head. "You look like a man who's had an epiphany."
Jarrod released a deep breath. "Maybe Nick's not the only one who's been angry."