The house was quieter than it used to be. When you are a family of five with a dog and cat, your house is never quiet. I was standing in the kitchen making something healthy for Gemma. I was all stuffy from crying last night. There wasn't much we could do at this point, she can't get all of the necessary treatments that she needs. So, all I can do now is keep her healthy and strong. I also make sure that her room is very clean so there's no germs.

"Gemma, come get your vitamins." I called her.

"Mommy, can we play outside?" LB asked me.

"Yes, that's fine." I said without much thought. "Take Dog for a walk while you're at it."

"Where's daddy?" Dallas asked.

"I don't know." I answered flatly. "Gemma? Come here so you can take your vitamins." I said more firmly.

She slowly walked over. "Mama, I wanna go pay with da twins." She said sadly.

"I'm sorry, baby, you can't. Now come here." I lifted her onto the counter and sat her down, then I tried to put a vitamin into her mouth but she pushed my hand away.

"Uh uh." She shook her head. "Yucky."

"I know they are, baby, but you have to take them. It'll make you feel better." I knew it was a lie but what was I supposed to tell my two year old?

I eventually got her to take the vitamins, then I put her down for a nap even though she didn't want to. One thing the doctor said was for her to get plenty of rest. I have been pretty strict and overprotective of her lately. I wasn't happy at all anymore. My smile was fake. And I know they others weren't happy either, I know that for a fact because when I'm not happy, no one is happy. It's always been that way.

I know that I have been a terrible mom to the twins, hardly paying them any attention lately. But I selfishly did not care. When you have a sick kid, one that needs more attention…you kind gravitate more towards them.

Things are worse than ever between Daryl and I. We barely talk at all now. I actually think I liked it better when we were arguing. At least we were communicating somehow. He goes out all the time now, way more than he used to. He comes home when I'm already in bed. Sometimes, I hear him come in but pretend to be sleeping. I don't know why I do that. And he's gone before I wake up. I can honestly say that I don't think things could get worse. Actually…I take that back…I can think of one thing…and it's probably going to happen eventually. BUT…we don't think about that.

Just then, there was a knock at the door. I thought it was strange because usually people just walk in. I answered it. It was my dad and Judith. That's weird. I usually never see my dad unless Michonne is there. "Hey." He said.

"Hey." I said back. It sounded dull and flat, not like my usual self at all. Even I notice that. I'm usually not like that with my dad, but I have been breaking all the rules lately. So, why not that one too?

"How's it going?" He asked.

I moved aside so they could come in. "I mean…it's going." I raised my eyebrows but didn't smile. My dad gave me a sad excuse for a smile.

"Hey, sis." Judith said. We hugged briefly. My little sister is not so little anymore. She's grown into a very mature for her age young woman. She's finally taller than me. I knew she would be but…still pisses me off. "Is everything okay?"

"Not really but…you know." I said. I knew I was being rude and making things pretty awkward, but I didn't care. "The kids—well, I mean…the twins are outside playing. Gemma is napping." I just said to be saying something.

My dad nodded. There was a brief pause. "Well, we just wanted to see how things were with you and everyone." He said. I cocked an eyebrow at him. He should know how things are. "And…Judith, here," he put his hands on her shoulders and kind of moved her forward, "wants to tell you something."

I looked at her and gave her my attention. She seemed hesitant. "…well…I thought I could stay here with you for a while. You know? Look after the twins and help you around the house." She shrugged. I didn't say anything. "I figured…you were probably busy a lot taking care of Gemma and taking her back and forth to the doctors." She finished. My eyes sort of glazed over halfway through her talking. I wondered if my dad put her up to this or if it was all her idea? "Abby?"

I looked up because I realized that I still hadn't said anything. "Uh, no." I shook my head. "No, that won't be necessary." I turned her idea down. "Or fair. I mean…you're still a kid yourself. You go to school and have your own stuff to deal with. This is my problem—our problem."

"Abby, it's okay. I want to." She seemed serious. "Really, it's no problem."

"Yeah, I get that and I know you want to help. And I appreciate it. But…I'm saying no." I gave her a serious look.

"Somehow I knew you'd say that." My sister sighed. "Okay. But will you please promise me that if it gets to be too much for you that you'll consider?"

I hesitated. "…yeah." I fake smiled. "Sure."

Judith smiled back at me, then we hugged. "Well, come on, sweetheart." My dad said. "We should get back home." I gave my dad a hug, too, then they left. I watched them leave with a smile that quickly faded once they were gone.

I turned back around to my house…and my unhappiness. My sister actually wanted to move in here? There's no way in hell that's happening. Even though it's actually not a bad idea. I mean…at least the twins would get a little more attention. But…I'm not letting that happen. What goes on here is our business, nobody else's. And she doesn't need to be around for that. This house that was once a home, now feels like a prison.

There is no happiness. There is no hope. There is nothing here. And I feel horrible for the twins. My kids shouldn't have to grow up around this. Maybe it would be a good idea for them to move in with my dad and Michonne for a while. They don't deserve me OR Daryl. We're not good parents. I don't know what we were thinking when we wanted to have kids. They deserve better. Their grandparents will take better care of them.

I doubt Daryl will go along with any of that, but I don't care. He shouldn't even have a say, he's never here. He's not their father. I don't even think he's my husband anymore. I know that I may regret thinking all of this one day, but right now it doesn't matter. It's how I truly feel. I sighed heavily out loud. And I know that, Daryl has a different way of feeling things, but we should be way passed that by now. I can't be the one to help and comfort him this time, because I need it myself and no one can give it to me. He's slipping back to his old ways. But…I can't put all of that on him. I kind of understand in a way, but that doesn't mean that I'm okay with it.

That and…I'm doing the same thing. I took out that bottle of vodka that I hid a long time ago. You're so bad for me. I thought while staring at it. I took a sip.

The twins came home a little after that. They were all dirty and sweaty from playing outside. They looked tired and worn out too. Good. Maybe they will wind down easier tonight. That thought faded when they started laughing and talking loudly, which also made the dog bark.

"Keep it down, guys." I scolded. "Your sister is taking a nap." I heard Gemma crying shortly after that. "Damnit." I gritted my teeth. I gave both of them a dirty look without meaning to. Then, I went to get Gemma.

I realized why she was crying as soon as I walked into the room. She must have had a nose bleed while she was sleeping because there was blood everywhere. All over her pillow, on her blankets and on her. I'm an idiot! I scolded myself. Why didn't I check on her?

I immediately ran to her and picked her up. "It's okay, baby. Shhh." I tried to calm her down. She was probably just scared. I heard a scream and looked towards the door. The twins were standing in the doorway and looked horrified, especially LB.

"Oh my God!" Dallas yelled. Gemma started crying all over again.

"Go, guys!" I turned away from them. "You're scaring your sister." I could tell they were still there. "I mean it, you two! Go! Now!" I finally heard them running away. I was breathing heavier than I was before and close to tears. I need to stop being so strict with them. They are still little kids themselves. They don't need to see this. They don't need to be around this.

I sang to Gemma while giving her a bath, she wasn't crying anymore but she didn't look happy. She's the one person that I want to be happy. I decided to sing a different song. "YOU get the power and the glory." I sang. "Forever and ever and ever. You get the power and the glory. You get the power, you get the glory. You get the power, you get the glory." I poked at parts of her body when I was saying "you." It made her giggle, which made me laugh. It was a genuine laugh, not fake.

"You're such a little cutie pie." I told her and tapped her nose. She was playing in the water with her toys. I started playing with her, making the toys jump up out of the water. It was making her laugh pretty hard. I loved that sound, we didn't get to hear that all that much anymore. "Weeeee!" I made her toy jump. "SPLASH!" It hit the water. She laughed.

She was smiling, then I watched it slowly fade. "Mama." She said slowly like she was scared. I gave her a concerned look. All of sudden she gagged, then threw up. I immediately got her out of the water and wrapped her in a towel. She was crying again.

"Shh. It's okay, baby. I know you don't feel good." I dried her hair and body quickly but gently.

I put her to bed after that, I put her in our room because it's closer to the living room and that's where I would be until it's bedtime. She cries all the time now. And It's horrible for me and Daryl, especially me because I'm the one that's here all of the time. We know that there is nothing we can do for her. And it's heartbreaking…

I was throwing Gemma's sheets and stuff in the wash when I heard the door open. I peeked out from the laundry and saw Daryl. I squinted in his direction. That's a shocker. I thought. I finished what I was doing and went out there.

The twins were laying on the floor watching a movie on the portable DVD player. I closed the lid as I walked by. "Alright, time for bed, kids."

"But our movie ain't over yet." LB complained.

"Don't say 'ain't'." Daryl told her. He was eating something that I guess he just heated up.

She looked at him. "You say 'ain't' all the time."

"That's exactly why ya shouldn't. You don't wanna sound dumb like yer old man." He almost kind of smiled.

LB looked back at me. "The movie isn't over yet." She emphasized the word "isn't" and looked at Daryl when she said it. I saw him smirk.

"I don't care. You have all the time in the world to finish that movie. To bed. Now." I said sternly. I heard them mumble and complain but they still did what I said. "I'll be in in a minute to say goodnight." I called to them.

I turned to "my husband" after that. "Wow, what a surprise." I said smartly.

"What?" He looked at me.

"That you're home this early." I said smartly again. "I never see you at this time of night."

He hesitated. "Yeah, well, you know." He stretched and leaned back on the couch putting his arms behind his head. I saw him open a bottle of whiskey that was almost gone and take a gulp. I twitched a little. "Heard you in the laundry room." He said. "I'm surprised to see you actually doin' shit around here." He imitated me from a moment ago and smirked.

I could feel my face heat up with anger and I felt like I was going to explode. "You jackass!" I said and walked closer to him. "And what have I said about drinking in front of me?" I know I'm just as bad because I drank earlier today. But that didn't stop me. I reached for the bottle but he pulled it away. "Daryl, knock it off." I snapped. "Give it to me."

"Nope." He said and smirked, which made me even more mad. The bastard was enjoying this. I leaned over him to try and get the bottle off of him. "Gotta be quicker than that." He pulled me down over his lap and gave my bottom a slap. Months ago, I would have found that funny and attractive, but right now, I wanted to punch him in the throat.

"Get off of me!" I snapped. "You asshole!" I stood up straight.

"Keep yer damn voice down." Daryl said taking another gulp. "Ya want the neighbors to call the cops?" He joked and laughed.

"Daryl…I'm warning you. I have had a terrible day and I'm not playing around right now."

"What the hell ya thank I had? Thank it's fun fer me goin' out there?"

"It must be. You sure do go out enough." I snapped.

He stood up quickly. "Get off my back, little girl!" He yelled. "Why don't you go take care 'a yer "precious little gem" and ignore me like you usually do. The twins too."

I gritted my teeth in anger. He can say that to me? "How dare you! Okay, you're never here! They never see you! You absentee father! You aren't even a father to them! You're the guy who comes smelling like dead animals!"

"And you thank yer a mom?" He yelled back. "Least I don't yell at them all day. Least I don't make them do dumb pointless shit all the time."

"Don't act like you know what goes on here because you don't. You don't even live here anymore." I shook my head at him.

Daryl paused for a second like he was thinking. "You're right." He finally said. "I don't." He drank the rest of his whiskey and threw the bottle away in the trash. At least it's gone. I thought.

I breathed out sharply. "I never thought things would be like this." I shook my head.

He glared at me just then. "Yeah. And I never thought this would happen to us. I didn't expect you to be like this."

"Yeah, well, I didn't expect to have a kid with cancer!" I yelled making my voice crack. I turned away and tears were falling down my face.

Just then, I heard a whimper and looked over where I heard it. The twins were standing there, crying. My eyes widened a little and I looked at Daryl, he looked the same way I did. I never wanted that to happen. I never wanted them to be around us arguing.

I watched Daryl's expression change and he stood up quickly. "I have to go." He started walking towards the door. I knew he meant "go" as in, he needed to go away for a while. But did I want that to happen? I stared at the floor wide-eyed and thought. No. No, I didn't. Stop him! Now! Before it's too late!

"Wait!" I said. Daryl stopped right at the door but didn't turn around. I walked over to him. "Where will you go?"

"You care?" He turned to look at me.

"Yes." I answered immediately.

He paused for a moment and looked like he calmed down a little. He began shaking his head. "I'on know." He finally said. "Just…out there."

We locked eyes. I was desperate. But I knew he was too, I could see it in his eyes. I knew he had to go, he needed some space, some time away, to figure his shit out. Maybe it would be good for the both of us. I felt a knot in my throat and tried to swallow it, then I nodded with tears in my eyes.

I wrapped my arms around my husband's neck, he held me back. I got a glimpse of the "old us" and how things used to be. It reminded me of happier times.

We pulled apart and I looked at him sadly. "Come back to me." I whispered. He didn't say anything to that, just looked at me. It kind of looked like he was thinking and for a moment, I thought he was going to change his mind. But…this is for the better. That's just how I had to think about this.

Daryl finally nodded. He planted a slow kiss on my forehead. We locked eyes again but only for a few seconds. He looked away and at the dog. "Dog." He called. Dog followed him. Then, he walked out the door. I just stood there.

"Daddy, no!" LB yelled. She ran over to where I was and tried to run out of the door but I caught her.

"No, Lori-Beth. Stay here."

"NO!" She yelled into the darkness. "Daddy, come back! Daddy, please!" She sobbed very hard.

There wasn't anything I could do. I put my hand over my mouth and cried again. I felt small arms wrap around me and looked down at Dallas, he had his face buried in me and was also crying. I hugged him back.

We stayed like that for a little, then I knew I had to get LB inside before she alarmed the neighbors. I'm sure they heard us arguing, I didn't need them getting involved. I went out there and picked her up and carried her inside. She was still crying pretty hard. I comforted her the best I could, but I knew it wouldn't be good enough. I knew what she wanted. She wanted her daddy…and I couldn't give that to her.

The next few days were pretty rough. However, it gave me a long time to think. I had to do what was right for my kids. And right now…I just couldn't be around them. I couldn't be there for them. Plus, they didn't need to be around Gemma being sick like this.

I already talked it over with my dad and Michonne. They will be coming tomorrow morning to pick up the twins. They will be staying with them indefinitely. I haven't told them yet, which is going to be the hardest part.

I decided to tell them while I was putting them to bed that night. "Are you both good? No one's hungry? No one's thirty? No one has to go to the bathroom?" They said no to everything I just asked them. I hesitated. "…you both comfy?"

"Yes." Dallas said. LB just nodded.

"Okay, good. Because I have to tell you both something." I sat down on Dallas's bed because his was closer to the door. "I love you two, more than anything in the world. And I really need you guys to know that." I felt that knot in my throat again and tried to swallow it. "And I know I haven't been a very good mom lately, but I'm going to make it up to you guys." I nodded and sniffled wiping a tear away. "You deserve better…and so…that is why…you're going to be staying with grammy and pappy for a while." There was a brief pause.

"What?" LB said.

I nodded. "Pappy will be here tomorrow morning to pick you guys up."

"You mean…to take us away?" Dallas said lowly. I looked at him.

"So, first we lose our dad…and now we're losing you too?" LB said. I looked back at her when she started speaking.

"You are not losing me." I shook my head. "Please, guys. Don't be mad at me. This is hard enough already."

"Yeah, right?" LB snapped. "You just wanna get rid of us just like you did daddy. That way it can just be you and your "precious little gem." She mocked me like Daryl did that night. It about put a knife through my heart. I shook my head at her and gave her a disbelieving look.

"Shut up, LB!" Dallas yelled. "Mommy, no, please." He cried. "I don't wanna leave home. I want you."

My lip quivered but I steadied myself. "You'll still have me." I forced a smile. "I'm not going anywhere. I just want you guys to stay with pappy for a while because…" I trailed off because it was hard to talk. "I just can't give you what you need right now." I looked at them, they both had tears in their eyes. This is not going the way I wanted it to. I have to stop now before I make it worse. "You guys will have fun with Judith and RJ, I promise." I forced a smile. They weren't having none of it. "So…I'll have you packed and ready tomorrow." I stood up. "Come on, guys. Get some sleep so you're not all grumpy for your grandparents tomorrow." I let out a small laugh. I gave each of them a kiss on their foreheads, then left the room. "Goodnight, loves." I said, then closed the door.

I stood outside their room taking a deep breath. That was awful.

"Hey." I said to my dad when he was at the door, we hugged. "Thanks for doing this. I really appreciate it."

"Of course. You know I'll do anything for you." He gave me a small smile. I wished that I could return it. "What about you? Are you alright? Why don't you come too? Or reconsider Judith's offer and let her stay here with you?"

I couldn't even say anything to that. It just won't work. I faintly shook my head at him. My dad put a hand on my shoulder and nodded. I could tell he got the point. I turned to the twins after that. Remember, Abby. Make this as brief as possible. It will make things so much easier. I took a deep breath, then got down to their level. "Come here, you two." I hugged both of them at the same time, but I pulled apart before they got a chance to get clingy. "You guys be good for grammy and pappy now." I smiled and nodded. I didn't even know how I was keeping it together.

"Alright, come on, guys." My dad said to the twins. "We're gonna have fun." He took their hands in his, then walked out of the door. He waved at me, I waved back. Then, the worst thing of all happened.

Dallas and LB looked back at me. I had to force a smile and I waved at them, they didn't wave back.

I had to close the door after that because it was just too painful to watch. I turned back around to my house…and my unhappiness. I broke down and cried immediately after. I was wrong. That right there, was the hardest part. Even though I wasn't really losing them, not really, it still felt that way. I lost my husband and my kids just within days.

"Mama?" Gemma's little voice started me.

I steadied myself before answering her. "Yes, my precious little gem?"

"I don't feel good." She said sadly.

I just looked at her for a moment, then nodded. "I know. I know you don't." I picked her up. "Come on, let's get some breakfast." I put her in her highchair.

I had to stop for a minute and look around. My house was quieter now. When you are a family of five with a dog and cat, your house is never quiet. Except…we weren't a family of five with a dog and cat anymore. We were a family of two with a cat.