Finally... here is next chapter for Blank. This was going to be a long chapter for what I had planned but now I have split that into two parts.
BLANK::Kartik/Aman
Chapter IV: Dil Diya Yeh Ae'tbaar Ki Haadh Thi
Devika opens the door to find Aman standing at her doorstep.\
"Andar hai. Soh raha hai." Devika answers Aman's unasked question and gestures Aman to come in. Once inside, Aman is anxious to see Kartik so Devika quietly leads him to room where he is finally sleeping clearly exhausted. ("He is inside, sleeping.")
Aman places a gentle kiss on his angel's forehead and then leaves the room, letting Kartik catch up on his sleep.
Devika is waiting for him in living room with two steaming mugs of coffee.
"Ravi, kahan hai?" ("Where is Ravi?")
"Conference ke liye Bangalore gaya hai." ("He is gone to Bangalore to attend conference.")
"Woh..." Aman is trying to stall but Devika cuts him off.
"Yeh sab chodo aur sab batao mujhe. Jo Aman Kartik ki jaan hai aaj Kartik usi jaan se kaise bhaag raha hai aur kyun?" ("Forget about small talk and tell me everything. How is it possible that Aman, who is life of Kartik is the same Aman from whom Kartik is running away today?")
"Kya bataon, mujhse toh meri poori zindagi, meri roshni hi chin gayi hai." Aman mutters and sighs. ("Where should I begin? My whole life has turned upside down.")
"Coffee peeyo aur sab batao." ("Have coffee and talk to me.")
"Kartik ne kuch khaya?" Aman asks realising Kartik had left before they had a chance to have breakfast. Aman feels guilt seeping in again knowing he should have gone after Kartik but he didn't because he was too busy falling apart. ("Did Kartik had something to eat?")
"Haan, khaya ghar akar, phir soh gaya. Uski halat tumne dekhi nahi hai, Aman. Aur ab mujhe sab jan'na hai. Tumhara phone aya toh main toh darr ho gayi, pata hai river ke paas behoshi ki halat mein tha jab mila mujhe." (Yes, he did eat and then he went to sleep. You didn't see the condition he was in, Aman. I need to know everything. When you called me I got so scared. Did you know he was by the riverside almost in unconscious state when I found him.")
Aman's heart breaks yet again for his husband. Knowing he cannot avoid Devika's questions any longer and has to fill her in too. Earlier when he called her in distress not being able to find Kartik in their usual spots before realising of course, Kartik wouldn't remember them. Aman asked for Devika's assistance to look for Kartik.
He will always be thankful of Devika for today, even though Aman always had a slight jealousy towards her knowing that Kartik was her first love and Kartik also knowing that but never letting it affect their friendship. For Kartik, Devika was very special and maybe the only person whom he referred to family before Aman came into picture. But gradually it was replaced by appreciation and a relief that Kartik had someone else to rely on.
Aman finally fills her in with everything that had been going on since the accident, unable to shake away his tears Aman breaks down in front of her as he retells the events of this morning. Devika is in absolute shock and in tears when Aman finishes.
"Itna sab hogaya aur tumne mujhe bataya bhi nahi?" ("All this happened and yet you didn't bother to inform me.")
"Sachme Devika, mujhe kisi cheez ka hosh nahi tha. Main sirf Kartik ke baare mein soch raha tha ke kaise uski help karon aur kaise..." ("Honestly, Devika, I wasn't in state of mind. All I could think about was Kartik and how to help him and how...")
"Haan aur main help kar hi nahi sakti, haina?" She scoffs, accusation clear in her tone. Aman feels guilty yet again. ("And I could've have not helped, right?")
"I'm sorry, Devika par yakeen karo kaise aisa nahi hai. Main..." (I'm so sorry, Devika, but believe me it wasn't like this. I...")
"Khair es baare mein toh hum baad mein baat kareinge, pehle mujhe batao ke ab karoge?" ("Anyways, we will talk about this later, now tell me what will you do?")
Aman is saved yet again by Devika's diversion of topic knowing that one day they will come back to it but right now Kartik is more important, his memories... Aman looks at Devika with sudden interest.
"Kya? Aise kya dekh rahe ho?" ("What? Why are you looking at me like this?")
"Usne tumse kya kaha? Koi baat ki?" ("Did he say something to you? Anything at all?")
"Nahi... kuch zayada nahi kaha, woh us halat mein nahi tha. Main usko yahan tak kaise lekar ayi hon main jaanti hon. Woh bas bar bar aik baat dohraha tha." ("No... nothing like that he wasn't in the condition at that time. Only I know how I managed to get him here. He kept repeating same thing over and over again.")
"Konsi baat?" ("What was he saying?")
"Yehi meri saza hai." ("This is my punishment.")
"Saza? Kaisi saza?" Aman is confused and Devika ponders over it when it dawns to him. ("Punishment? What punishment?")
"Kartik ka zalim baap. Bachpan se usay yehi kehta raha ke gay hona jurm hai, duniya aur fitrat ke ke khilaaf aur jab Kartik ne bagawaat ki toh yehi kaha ke eski saza usay milegi zaroor aur usay kisi ka pyaar kabhi haasil nahi hoga." (Kartik's cruel father. Since Kartik was young, he would always say that being gay is a crime against world, against nature and when Kartik retaliated then his father said that Kartik will get punished for this. He will never be able to have true love of someone, of anyone.")
Anger makes his blood boil and Aman wishes he could find that man and make him pay for everything he did to Kartik. Kartik had finally went into therapy after meeting with Aman's family and them getting married because his issues were deep rooted and Kartik needed to be free of them. Months of therapy sessions and nights followed those sessions were heavy. It took Kartik a lot of time but he confided in his husband and told him details of abuse Kartik went through from his father. Aman wanted nothing but to kill that man. Still, it seems there is alot that Kartik did not tell Aman. Th urge to hunt down that bastard is way too strong but Aman controls his urge in order to focus on Kartik.
"Kartik aise soch bhi kaise sakta hai?" ("How could Kartik even think like this?")
"Aman, jis Kartik ko tum jaante ho woh tumse milne ke baad aisa howa tha aur jis Kartik ko bachpan se main jaanti hon woh yeh Kartik hai jisay aaj tum dekh rahe ho. Shayad tumhe bhi andaza nahi hai ke tum Kartik ke liye roshni bankar uski zindagi mein aye aur uski zindagi hi badal di. Jitna pyaar tumne usay diya kabhi kisi ne nahi diya. Esi pyaar ke liye woh tarasta tha, tadapta tha." (Aman, the Kartik you got to know was the Kartik he became after meeting you but the Kartik I knew since our childhood is the Kartik you are seeing today. Maybe, even you didn't realise that you came into Kartik's life like a light and brightened up his entire existence. The love you gave him, he never got that from anyone. You gave him the love Kartik always wanted, he yearned for all his life.")
Tears roll down Aman's face yet again not knowing how to respond to Devika.
"Meri samajh mein nahi araha main kya karon? Kaise usay yaad karwayon? Woh toh mujhse aise door bhagta hai." ("I don't know what to do? How do I make him remember? He keeps running away from me.")
Their conversation is interrupted when Kartik walks in, clearly woken up but still looking exhausted. Kartik's eyes fall on them and seeing Aman there brings him to a halt.
Aman gets up from sofa and takes careful and slow steps towards Kartik.
"Main tumhare saath waapis nahi jaonga." Kartik declares stopping Aman dead on his tracks. "Kyun aye ho tum mere peeche? Kya mil jayega tumhe? Mujhe kuch yaad nahi hai aur phir bhi..." ("I will not go back with you. Why did you come here? What will you achieve? I don't remember a single thind and yet...")
"Yaad na hone se rishte khatam nahi hojate, Kartik. Humare beech rishta hai... toh.. hai. Esko jootla nahi sakte." Aman's voice breaks but he holds his ground. ("Not remembering does not put an end to a relationship, Kartik. Bond between us exists, so it does. We cannot deny that.")
"Us rishte ki duhai de rahe ho jo yaad hi nahi." Aman desperately moves and stops until he is only an inch away from Kartik. ("You are appealing to a relationship that I don't even remember.")
"Rishte sirf yaadon se nahi bante, Kartik. Rishte mein dil, rooh, jism, sab hota hai, sirf yaadein nahi." Tears roll down Kartik's face but he doesn't say anything. Feeling bit brave, Aman gently takes Kartik's face in his hands and wipes away his tears, causing more tears to fall from his eyes. ("Relationship, bonds, do not exist just in memories. They exists in our heart, our soul, even our body; not just in memories.")
"Bas karo, mujhse nahi hota ab." Kartik breaks away from his grasp and falls into his knees breaking apart. Aman falls into his knees in front of Kartik instantly, putting hand on his shoulder and Kartik looks into Aman's eyes through his tears. ("Stop it. I can't take this anymore.")
"Tum jo yeh sab keh rahe ho, tum jo chahte ho woh nahi hota mujhse. Maine bohut koshish ki, bohut... lekin kuch yaad nahi ata." Aman tries to speak but Kartik cuts him off. ("Whatever you are saying, what you are trying to do I cannot do this. I tried my best, I tried... but I cannot remember a thing.")
"Aur tumhe kya lagta hai mujhe nahi pata, tumhara dard? Zara sa chunkta hon toh tum jis tarhan darr jata ho, gabra se jaate ho. Meri har nazar mein kuch talash karte ho aur jab nahi milta toh tumhare ankhon ki chamak kam hojati hai. Har aahat pe jaise tum kuch hone ka inteizaar karte ho. Main bar bar tumhe es aziyaat se guzarte howe nahi dekh sakta. Tum yeh deserve nahi karte. Chale jao, please aur mujhe mere haal par chodh do." ("And you think I don't know about your pain? I get startled and the way it scares you. Every time you look into my eyes searching for something but when you are unable to find it, the sparkle in your eyes dim. At every sound you seem to be waiting for something to happen. I cannot bear to watch you go through this over and over again. You don't deserve this. Just go, please and leave me be.")
Aman pulls Kartik into hug who goes into his arms without any protest seemingly losing energy to fight any further. They stay like this quietly for few moments as Aman tries to process every word of Kartik.
"Humne humesha saath rehna ka waada kiya hai, saath nibhane ka. Aur hum dono ke liye main woh poora karonga." ("We made a promise to always stay together, be there for each other. I'll fullfill that for both of us.")
"Aman please..."
"Sift aik bar..." Aman pleads desperately. "Bas aik baar mere saath chalo, sirf aik baar mujhpe bharosa karo. Phir main tumse kuch nahi mangonga. Bas sirf aik baar mere saath chalo please." Kartik feels defeated by the desperation and pleading by other man. ("Just this once... just this once come with me. Just trust me this once and I'll not ask you for anything else. Just come with me this once please.")
"Main wahan..." ("I cannot...")
"Tumhe wahan nahi jana na, toh hum wahan nahi jayeinge." ("You don't want to go there, then we will not go there.")
"Toh phir?" ("Then?")
"Allahabad. Hum wahan jayeinge." The city doesn't ring a bell in Kartik's mind but Aman has determined look on his face. Wiping away last of tears from Kartik's eyes, Aman holds his face gently in his hands and places a gentle kiss on his forehead. Kartik feels tension releasing his body as his hearts gives into Aman's request. They stay at Devika's for the rest of night while Aman prepares for tickets for Allahabad. ("Allahabad. We will go there.")
"Tum jaante ho tum kar rahe ho? Kya Kartik ko es waqt wahan lejana theek hoga?" Devika asks Aman. ("Do you know what you are doing?")
"Toh aur main kya karon, Devika? Ghar woh jana nahi chahta aur..." Aman doesn't know how to continue. ("Then what else can I do, Devika? He doesn't want to go home and...")
"Aman..."
"Jo main nahi kar saka shayad woh kar sakein." Aman is not sure if it is a good idea but it's the only option he has right now and he will not leave any stone upturned when it comes to Kartik. ("What I have not been able to do, maybe they can.")
I hope you'll enjoyed it. :)