"I, uh…I made you some soup. You should really eat somethin'." Daryl said. I didn't respond in any way. He seemed to hesitate. "…I'll just leave it on the nightstand." He said and sat the bowl down. He didn't leave though, he stayed right there. Almost like he was thinking. I heard him sigh just then, and he sat down on the bed. "Look, Abby…I know yer upset—terribly upset but…you cain't keep livin' like this." He shook his head. "You got—we got…kids to take care of." He paused. "I'm sad too and I know how yer feelin' but we gotta move on. Fer them. And fer us." He finally finished…I think. I still hadn't responded in any way, I didn't even let him know if I was listening to him or not. I could hear him, sure, but…I wasn't listening, really. "Okay." Daryl finally said again and nodded. He slowly got up, then leaned forward and gave me a kiss on my forehead, then he left the room.

I was left alone with my thoughts.

I remembered a long time ago when Daryl and I were just dating, when we had a disagreement and didn't see each other for days. I was so depressed. I thought that was the worst feeling in the world. Turns out…it wasn't. This, what I am feeling right now, is the worst feeling in the world. I now know how my dad felt, how Michonne felt and how Carol felt. We all have something in common now.

I lost my precious little gem a few months before her fifth birthday. She went peacefully in my arms, falling asleep and just not waking back up. We stopped her treatments about a month before she died. It wasn't just me this time, the doctor, himself, recommended it because she had gotten too sick for her medicine. She was happier towards the end. And that's how I knew it was the right choice to stop the treatments. I only wish we would have done it sooner. She hated having to do that, she hated it so much. My poor baby.

I fell apart after her death. Everyone fell apart. It was a horrible horrible tragedy. And that little girl didn't deserve what happened to her. I will never know…I will never understand why this happened to her. To us. But the point is, it happened and there's nothing anyone can do about it.

As time went on, however, everyone seemed to slowly pull back together, even Daryl. They had their time of grieving and now they were "getting over it." Everyone except me. I fell apart, and I couldn't pull my pieces back together. It felt like I was being pulled down, and I couldn't get up or even move. All I do is lay in bed.

I was lost in my deep, dark depression.

I couldn't stop thinking about what I lost but also what my precious little gem lost. She was practically just a baby. She didn't get to do things like the other kids get to do. She never got to start school. She never got to make friends and play with them. She never saw the terrible outside and didn't have to learn to fight. She was doing her own fighting trying to beat her disease. It was just too much for her, she couldn't fight anymore.

That's kind of how I feel…I don't think I want to fight anymore. The thing I loved most in the world was gone. My precious little gem. My one true love. The best thing that ever happened to me. It makes me just want to turn back time. To go back to before she got sick. I would give anything to go back to that. I would give anything to have her back. I know things don't work like that though. I lost a child…and it's the worst pain I ever felt.

Daryl came back into the room hours later and just sat there with me. He didn't say anything for a long time. I appreciate him trying to comfort me, I really do…but sometimes I just…I don't know. I guess I just wanted to be left alone.

"Abby?" Daryl finally said. "I know you don't wanna talk and that's fine but I just wanted to tell ya that—

"I don't want to have anymore children." I finally spoke. Daryl stopped when I cut him off, and he looked surprised when he realized what I said. "Maybe one of us can…look into getting something done to make it easier."

Daryl kind of looked down and cleared his throat. "Okay. If that's really what you want. But you ain't just sayin' that cuz—

"I'm saying it because I don't want anymore children." I snapped before he finished his sentence. I knew he was going to bring her up and I didn't want to talk about it.

"Okay?" He said again. "But why?"

I felt annoyed. How could he be so clueless? He should already know what I'm talking about, I shouldn't have to say it. Maybe he was pushing me on purpose? This is why I wanted to be left alone. "Because…" I started but trailed off. I steadied myself. "…I can't." I got out. I took a deep breath before speaking again. "I think we made a mistake."

Daryl looked confused. "What the hell are ya talkin' about?"

"We can't protect the children we already have." I cried. "We already lost one."

"Abigail, that ain't the same thing. Gemma got sick—

"I don't want to talk about this anymore!" I snapped again. "I don't want anymore children." I cried. "I can't." I sniffled and wiped at my tears. "Just go away. Leave me alone."

Daryl sat there for a few seconds, then he finally got up and left the room again. I know I'm the one that told him to leave but now I wish I wouldn't have. I didn't know what was wrong with me. I wanted comforting, I needed someone to hold me…but whenever Daryl tried, I pushed him away. I didn't know why I was doing it…because I did want him. I needed him. I guess I wasn't right in the head right now.

Later in bed that night, Daryl stayed on his side of the bed and I stayed on mine. We didn't touch each other, we didn't talk. It's like we were strangers again. I wanted to talk to him, I wanted so badly to have a normal conversation with my husband…but I just didn't know what to say anymore. Things were different. They were bad. It took me a while but I eventually drifted off to sleep.

I was holding a baby girl with red hair, I was rocking her gently. I didn't know where I was but it looked like I walked into a public bathroom. I looked at myself in the mirror and I didn't look how I did now. I looked how I did when I was like sixteen. That's weird. I realized my baby needed changed so I began to clean her up and change her diaper. There was a lady in the bathroom with her baby too, we smiled at each other.

"She's beautiful." The woman said to me.

"Oh, thank you." I kind of laughed.

"Is she yours? You look a little young to be a mother."

I let out a nervous laugh. "No, she's my sister. I promised my mom that I would take care of her." Why did I say that? This isn't my sister, it's my baby. I looked down at her while changing her, she smiled at me. It was so adorable.

"I'm so sorry to hear that." The woman gave me a sympathetic look. "You poor thing. You're practically a baby yourself."

I just laughed at that. There was a brief pause after that.

"What is her name?" The woman asked me.

Before answering her, I looked up at her and smiled, then back down at my baby…but she was gone. Panic set in immediately and I looked over at where the woman was standing, but she was gone too! I ran out of the bathroom and looked around everywhere. I began to freak out and ran around screaming for my baby like a crazy person.

"My baby!" I yelled. "My baby! My baby!" I sat up quickly in the darkness still screaming. "My baby! I said. "Where's my baby?"

"Abby?" Daryl said, then shook me. "Abby, it was a dream. Calm down. Abby!"

"Where is she?" I continued yelling. "Where's my baby? Someone took her!" I was hysterical.

"Abby, it's okay. It's okay. Calm down now." He held me. I finally snapped out of it and realized it was just a dream. However, I broke down and sobbed loudly into Daryl chest. "Kids, go back to bed." Daryl said. I looked over and saw the twins standing in our bedroom doorway. They looked frightened. Great. Now they are probably afraid of me. "It's okay. Yer mama just had a nightmare. Now go back to bed." Daryl told them again. They just stood there staring at me. It only made me feel worse. I buried my face back into Daryl because I didn't want to look at how they were looking at me anymore. "Hey, did ya hear what I said?" Daryl snapped. "Go back to bed." I heard their footsteps walking away this time.

I was slowly calming down now. I moved away a little so that my face wasn't in Daryl's chest anymore. "I'm sorry." I said a little embarrassed.

"Ya don't gotta apologize." Daryl put a hand on my shoulder and slowly moved it up and down. "Ya had a nightmare?" He asked me. I just nodded. "You wanna talk about it?"

I thought about my dream…well, what I remembered of it. It didn't make sense. I didn't want to try to explain it because if it didn't make sense to me, how was it going to make sense to someone else? I finally just shook my head no. "Thank you though." I nodded. There was a brief pause. "Let's just go back to sleep." I slowly laid back down. I didn't relax until I felt Daryl do the same. We still didn't touch each other.

As I laid there, I thought more and more about my dream. Why did I tell that woman that that baby wasn't mine? I mean…that was clearly Gemma. And another weird thing…why the hell was I sixteen in this dream? I needed explanations that I wasn't sure I had.

I guess maybe the thing with me telling the woman that the baby was my sister was because of me looking after Judith after my mom died. I did promise her I would take care of her. I guess that makes sense. But why did I look and feel sixteen?

I thought hard about it, like really hard. I know that I was sixteen when the turn happened. Could it have something to do with that? Maybe it's that…I still felt young? Or maybe I was thinking young? Maybe I was acting more immature than I thought? I mean…I have children now. I have two other kids to take care of. I can't just be laying around how I am now.

But it's so hard. I was so…depressed. Every time I look at them, especially LB, I'm reminded of the daughter that I lost. I breathed out sharply and a tear fell down my cheek. I didn't know what I was going to do. I felt scared, lost and hopeless.

I think I understand that part of my dream now. I was as lost and helpless as my sixteen year old self when all of this began. I didn't know what to do for myself. My dad and Daryl had the biggest impact on me as I was growing up and I had neither of them in my life right now.

That's it! I needed my husband back! We were one. But these past few years…we were strangers. So, I was back to my sixteen year old self again. And you know what? Daryl was back to his old ways too. I didn't just need him, we needed each other.

But how do we do this? How do we just go back to normal? Like none of this bad shit ever happened? It was impossible. I just…I think we need help. Both of us. I guess I could start by talking to him.

I rolled over to look at him, he was facing away from me. "Daryl?" I whispered. "Are you awake?" I waited for a while. There was no answer. My face fell and the depression clung to me. I just rolled back over facing the wall. We are so far apart from each other. Farther than I ever thought we would be. It was sad.

The saddest part was…I knew he really wasn't sleeping.

A few more days went by and nothing changed. I tried to get up, I really did. But I had become weaker than my depression. I knew I was pathetic. I knew that I was being a terrible mom/wife and I was selfish because I didn't care. I was defeated. I let it win. Sometimes I even thought that they would be better off without me. I thought about it…I thought about ending my life.

The truth was…I was too depressed and weak to even do that.

One day, I heard a commotion in the other room and knew someone was here. There was a knock on the bedroom door. "Abby?" Daryl said. "Yer dad's here."

I did not reciprocate in anyway. "Abby." My dad said. "Hey, sweetheart." He sounded like he was talking to a hurt child. He walked into the room and sat down on the bed. "How are you?" He asked. I did not answer. He immediately spoke again. "You look pale." He told me. "Why don't you go outside for a little? Get some sun, huh?" He let out a small laugh and rubbed my back. I still hadn't responded. I saw my dad slowly look over his shoulder at Daryl, and I saw the look that Daryl gave him back. I didn't care though. I was annoyed.

"Come on, Abby." My dad continued to try. "Let's me and you go take a walk. Some fresh air will do you good." He nodded. I took a breath and saw my dad's eyes widened a little, he must think I'm going to say something. I moved my face into the pillow and coughed, then went right back to my original position. I heard my dad sigh.

There was a brief pause. "Abby, at least get up and eat something." My dad said. "Come on. You gotta eat." Another pause. "Look, I know how you feel. I do. But…you can't just stop living because you lose someone. You should know that by now." He rubbed my back. "Come on now. You need to get up, maybe take a shower, get something to eat and go outside for some fresh air. It'll be good for you."

I was getting annoyed, like really annoyed. I was sick of everyone trying to tell me what I needed to do. They are not me, they do not know how I feel and they don't know what I need. Only I know what I need. "Come on." My dad put both hands on me like he was going to try and lift me of something. I snapped.

"Don't!" I said. He stopped and looked surprised. I didn't know if it was because of the way I said that or because I talked at all. "Don't come into my house and try to tell me what I need to do. You don't know what's good for me." I snapped. "Nobody does!" I glanced at Daryl when I said that, then back to my dad. "What I need is to lay here in my pity because I lost my daughter. And yeah, I have lost other things and so has everyone else. But I don't care! Everyone is affected by things differently. If you're over what happened…well good for you but I'm not. That little girl was my everything." I paused. "So, what I want is my daughter…and I can't have that. So, what I need…is for everyone to leave. Me. The. Hell. Alone." I looked at both of them. My dad looked sad and helpless. And Daryl…I couldn't really describe his expression, but I knew that he wasn't pitying me. I finally just rolled over because I didn't want to look at them anymore.

I felt my dad's hand on my arm, then he stood up, gave me a kiss on my temple, then he and Daryl left. I felt guilty but I also didn't care.

They were standing right outside the bedroom door and even though the door was closed, I could still hear their conversation. They were talking about me. "Has it been like this the whole time?" My dad asked Daryl.

"Yeah, she don't wanna do nothin' no more." He answered roughly.

"Well…she's going through a tough time right now." My dad said.

"Oh, I know. I ain't blamin' 'er." Daryl said. He does blame me though, I know he does. "I just don't know what to do no more."

There was a brief pause in their conversation. I was almost mad that they were talking about me with there only being a door between us. Almost like they wanted me to hear.

"Why don't we take the twins for a while?" My dad suggested. "It will give you two some time alone to talk and…work things out."

"Sure." Daryl said. There was another pause. "Actually…I gotta better idea. I'm gonna take 'er away from here. We can get away for a while. Maybe she'll be able to clear her head."

"That's a good idea." My dad agreed. I gritted my teeth.

"The only thang is…" Daryl said again. "Gettin' 'er to go is gonna be the hard part."

Well, at least he's right about something. I thought.

"I just want everythang to go back to the way it was." Daryl said quietly. My stubbornness kind of faded after he said that. I remembered thinking that same thing last night. My eyes welled up with tears. Well, I tried to talk to him but he ignored me. I sniffled and wiped at my tears. I wonder if he really feels that way or if he's just putting on a show for my dad? Since when did I ever think that way about my husband? That's so not him. Daryl is real, he doesn't make things up like that. He will tell how he really feels. That was one of the reasons I fell in love with him. Maybe we can still fix things. Maybe there is still hope.

Once I heard their footsteps walk away, I slowly and quietly got out of bed. I felt a little dizzy at first because I have gotten pretty used to just laying around. I was looking down at my feet and my legs. I was pretty pale looking.

Just then, I heard a noise outside and looked up. I slowly walked over to the window and looked out. The sun was shining, and I saw the leaves on the trees blowing in the wind. The twins were outside playing. My eyes widened a little. You have to think about your children. I told myself. I got tears in my eyes. You can do this for them.

I sniffled and put my head down. I had a thought right then to take a shower. I walked into our bathroom and started the water, then took my clothes off. Once the water was hot, I stepped in. It felt really nice, I had to admit. I took a deep breath and tried to relax.

"Abby?" I heard Daryl say. "I ain't gonna bother ya but…I just wanted to make sure you was okay?"

"Yeah, I'm…I'm fine." I said.

"…alright." Daryl didn't say anything after that so I assumed he walked away.

When I was done in the shower, I dried myself off and put some clean clothes on and fixed my hair. I was okay so far, but whenever I looked at myself in the mirror, I felt my breathing quicken. I closed my eyes and took a few deep breaths trying to calm down. This is harder than I thought.

I opened the bedroom door and peeked out, I didn't see anyone. I slowly walked out into the living room. It felt weird. It's been a while since I left my bedroom. The place looked oddly smaller to me.

I heard footsteps and looked over, Daryl was walking out of the den. He looked up and saw me and stopped dead in his tracks. "Hey." He finally said.

"Hi." I looked down shyly. Daryl walked closer to me and touched my face.

"Are you okay?" He said. I nodded. He gave me a small smile and slowly wrapped his arms around me. I hugged him back and buried my face in him. I felt him kiss my forehead. We stayed like that for a while. It felt nice.

"What are ya gonna do now?" Daryl asked me once we let go of each other.

"Uh…" I looked up at him. "I don't know. I'm not ready to go outside." I shook my head.

"Then don't." He said. I just looked at him, then nodded. We just stood there for a minute. "Well, I'm gonna go get Dog." He said. "He been outside fer a long time."

I gave him a sad attempt for a smile, then nodded. He leaned in for a kiss, our lips met but it was just a chaste kiss. Then, he stopped and kissed me again. It was longer. I got a glimpse of how we used to be. But it only lasted for a moment.

We pulled apart and locked eyes. Daryl moved my hair away from my face and gave me a small smile. Then, he walked away.

I looked around for a minute trying to figure out what to do. I heard a noise and looked down. Ponyboy was at my feet. I smiled. "Hi, baby boy." I picked him up and kissed him. I held him for a moment. "You got water on your chin." I said looking at him. I wiped it off. "You must have been drinking water. You thirsty?" I put him down and checked his food and water. I gave him some.

After that, I stared at the stove. It's been a long time since I made dinner. Maybe I should try. I looked around to see what we had that I could make. There were always noodles somehow. I could make something with them. I got out a pot and filled it with water, then placed it on one of the burners.

As I was waiting for the water to boil, I started daydreaming. I don't want to call it daydreaming actually. I zoned out. After a while, I heard a hiss noise and saw the water boiling over. Instead of grabbing the pot by the handle, I absentmindedly tried to lift the pot itself burning my hand. "Ah!" I yelled and dropped it back onto the stove.

"Hey, hey." Daryl was there. "What are ya doin'?" He moved the pot to one of the other burners and shut the stove off.

I turned and looked up at him like a helpless fool. "I…" I trailed off and swallowed. "I was going to try to make dinner."

He just looked at me for a moment. "How 'bout we take thangs one step at a time." He nodded. "Okay? I'll make dinner."

I felt like an idiot. Why can't I get my head clear? Why does it feel so fuzzy? I can't even do something as simple as make dinner for my own family. "I-I just wanted to…"

"I know…but ya don't gotta." Daryl said. "Let me see yer hands."

"They're fine." I opened my palms for him to look at. They were only a little red, they didn't even hurt anymore. I should be fine.

He lifted each one to his lips and kissed them. We shared a look, then the twins walked in. They both stopped when they saw me. I bit my lip nervously. We just stood there for a moment. Then, they just walked right by me down the hall and into their rooms. First LB, then Dallas. It about put a knife through my heart. I put my head down. I can't blame them though. I'm a shitty mom.

I shut my eyes tightly like I was in pain. I felt Daryl's lips on my forehead. "Don't get upset about it." He whispered. Easy for him to say, they love him. And he pretty much abandoned them. They probably blame me for that too. "They just need some time—

I put my hand up to stop him. I sighed and stood there for a little longer. Then, I went back to my room and in my bed. Back to square one.

Later in bed that night, I felt Daryl lay down on his side of the bed. He was facing away from me, I couldn't see but I could just tell. I just laid there for a long time, it was really quiet.

Finally, I rolled over so that I was looking at Daryl's back. I gently ran my hand down his arm. "Are you awake?"

I waited for a few seconds in anticipation. "…yeah." He finally said.

I closed my eyes in relief and rested my face on his back for a moment. "I'm scared." I finally spoke again.

There was a brief pause, then Daryl rolled over to face me, we were looking at each other now. "Why?" He touched my face.

I swallowed the lump forming in my throat. "I don't know who I am anymore. My head doesn't feel right. My own kids don't know their mother. They can't even rely on me to protect them. Who am I if I can't protect them?"

"Yer you." Daryl said. "A mother ain't the only thang that defines you. Yer still you." He tried to reassure me. I looked down and sighed. "You lost a kid, Abigail." He said again. "We did. No one blames ya fer how yer…" He trailed off.

"I-I know." I nodded still looking down.

"Hey." He said causing me to look at him. "I just want ya to be okay." He petted me. I nodded. We stared at each other for a while. "Go away with me." He finally said. "Let's take that trip that I mentioned a long time ago." Daryl nodded. I made a noise that sort of sounded like a huff. "Come on. It's the perfect time. Yer dad even said he'd watch the twins while we's gone."

"Daryl." I said stopping him. "I don't know if I can go out there yet."

He hesitated. "…yer gonna have to eventually."

"I know but…" I trailed off because I didn't even know what to say. I didn't know why I kept making excuses. Why was I so scared to be alone with my husband? Maybe I'm afraid of things coming back together. Maybe because it's easier this way.

"Baby." Daryl said. I looked at him. "Please just do this fer me? Please?"

I looked into his eyes, he looked desperate. It's not often that he's like that. I knew I had to do this for him. If I wanted things to workout with us, this was the answer. I needed to try. Give it a good try. "Okay." I finally said.

I saw Daryl's expression change after that, he pulled me closer and kissed my forehead. "Thank you."

I was quiet for a long time. "I'm sorry about earlier." I finally said. "When the twins walked away like that…I just couldn't…"

He nodded. "I get it. And it's okay. At least you tried. It was a good try." He said. I looked at him and he smiled at me. I just moved closer to him and put my face in his neck, he held me.

Howdy y'all! Just wanted to say that the next chapter is it! It's the end! So please stay tuned for the finale and also go ahead and leave me a review! Thanks! :D