Finally Blank Chapter 5 is here! Sorry took me time was busy and was having issue sorting few bits out in this chapter.
Blank::Kartik/Aman
Chapter V: Mujh birhan ka jiya ra ḍole
As they board the train doubts start to take over his mind. Aman knows he is taking a huge risk with Kartik's condition by taking him to Allahabad but he is hanging on by a thread, not knowing what else to do.
They managed to catch their train, for the first time they weren't rushing or almost missed their train. Aman recalls the time when they first were going to meet his family and how that journey changed their lives forever.
"Kya howa? Kya soch rahe ho?" (What happened? What are you thinking about?)
"Ku..ch nahi." (Nothing.)
"Kuch yaad agaya?" Aman doesn't know how to respond to that. Kartik placed his trust in Aman after he literally begged other man for this chance and he cannot jeopardise it now. (You remembered something?)
"Nahi... bas aise hi. Kaafi time baad jaa rahe hain na es liye." (No... nothing like that. Just that we are going after quite sometime time so that's why.)
"Par wahan kyun jaa rahe hain hum? Kya hai Allahabad mein?" Kartik's constant questions made Aman realised that the journey or Allahabad does not stir anything which makes him question whether it's right thing to do. Aman doesn't have the answers to his questions or rather he is not sure if answering them will help. The rest of journey is spent rather quietly with Kartik mostly staring out the window and gently holding onto Aman's hand and Aman looking at Kartik just wishing for his love to come back to him. Kartik is here with him but he is miles away from Aman. (But why are we going there? What is in Allahabad?)
As the train approaches Allahabad Aman can feel he is on verge of breakdown all the worst case scenarios going through his head all at once making him sick to his stomach but for Kartik he keeps on the brave face for a little while longer. He can only hope and pray that this will help Kartik, help them and not take Kartik further away from him.
Once they reach at the doorstep of their home, that's when Aman turns to Kartik who is looking around observing everything.
"Yeh ghar hai mera. Humara." Kartik turns and looks at him confusion. (This is my home. Our home.)
"Par hum toh Delhi mein rehte hain? Woh ghar? Woh kiska hai?" (But we live in Delhi, right? What about that house?)
"Woh ghar bhi humara hai aur yeh ghar bhi. Yeh... yeh mera family home hai." Kartik pales at hearing the word family, almost ready to bolt but Aman holds his hand to hold him in place. (Delhi house is also ours and this is ours too. This... this is my family home.)
"Woh jaante hain humare baare mein?" (They know about us?)
"Haan, of course. Humari shaadi yahin hoyi thi." Aman replies carefully as they proceed towards the house entering it. (Yes, of course. We got married here.)
"Hum yahan kyun aye hain?" The fear in Kartik's voice is visible and Aman tries to keep his calm for Kartik. He doesn't know how to react anymore, he hasn't seen this side of Kartik before. Where his Kartik would always look for opportunities to come back here and be with everyone. Get pampered and spoil others, from wanting to settle here and not go back to Delhi to this Kartik, who is so afraid to even set foot in this house. (Why did we come here?)
As soon they enter the house they are greeted by Sunaina, Goggle and Champa, meanwhile Aman greets them Kartik just stands there frozen. Sunaina calls others and soon Chaman, Shankar comes downstairs to greet them.
"Kartik, kaise ho, beta?" Sunaina sees Kartik looking at them with deer caught in headlights expressions. As Shankar and Chaman pulls Aman in for a hug, Kartik just watches all of this in shock. Aman realises this and goes to Kartik, holding his hand he brings him forward. (Kartik, how are you, son?)
"Dekho, Kartik. Humari family." He empathises on the word 'humari' to make sure Kartik gets it while introducing each of them to Kartik. Kartik looks at each member of the family closely trying to imagine them, trying to remember them but once again his mind is blank and he isn't sure how to react, what will happen if he can't remember them. Meanwhile Shankar Tripathi moves forward coming to stand in front of them. (Look, Kartik. Our family.)
He raises his right hand to give blessings to Kartik but he flinches away hiding his face behind Aman, his hold tightening in Aman's hand. His reaction sends waves of shock around everyone. Shankar's hand freezes in air but he gradually brings it down to Kartik's head who is still shying away from his touch and Aman gently squeezes his hand. Shankar's hand lands on his head where he gives him blessings and Kartik gets shocked at that, he looks at Shankar in disbelieve and it breaks Shankar Tripathi's heart, tears brimming in his eyes.
"Khush raho. Abaad raho." He manages to bless them and moves away to give Kartik space who is still trying to process what has happened. (Stay happy and blessed.)
Tears roll down Aman's face seeing all this, reminding him how he has truly lost Kartik, seeing this Sunaina decides to intertwine.
"Aman, Kartik ko lejao kamre mein. Tum log thak gaye hoge, thora araam karlo." Aman nods and Kartik looks at Sunaina who looks at him with warm teary eyed smile. Kartik still holding onto Aman's hand follows him as they climb the stairs to first floor where their room is. 'Their. They have a room in this house, the live in a same room with Aman's family all being here. How?' Kartik's thoughts are racing so hard he doesn't even know when they made it in the room. (Aman, take Kartik to your room. You both must be tired, have some rest.)
"Tumne mujhe bataya kyun nahi pehle?" Kartik asks Aman in accusing tone. (Why didn't you tell me before?)
"Main woh..." (I was...)
"Woh kya?" Aman doesn't know what to say. (What?)
"Yaan tumne yeh socha ke shayad bataye bina eska impact zayada hoga, haina?" (Or you thought that this stunt will hold more shock value? Right?)
"Kartik please." Aman pleads to Kartik unable to take this. "Mujhe abhi kuch dair akela chodh do." Aman feels dejected but nods at Kartik once again leaving to give Kartik some space meanwhile his hope fading away even more. (I want to be left alone for sometime.)
As soon Aman leaves Kartik closes the door and let's his head rest against the door, tears rolling down his eyes. This is too much. He cannot bear this. He forgot, Aman, their relationship maybe he would have been able to cope with that and now coming to Allahabad and meeting this family, Kartik is at loss here. Looking at their faces with joy in their eyes as they came in and the defeated looks on their faces when Kartik was not able to recall did something to his heart, it felt so heavy, he just wanted to get out of there instantly.
He doesn't know why he hid behind Aman when Shankar Tripathi came towards him it was a pure instinct as if he is coming to hurt him or to pull them apart. Kartik doesn't know how to react at their positive welcome of Kartik in their family. He doesn't know what happened and what his equation is with each member of the family. He remembers the aashirwaad from Aman's father and the pain in his eyes when Kartik hid from him. Did he truly loved him, accepted him? Then why would he forget about this? All he ever wanted was to be a part of family like this and to be accepted. Why would he forget happiness and still remembering every pain, taunt from rest of his life.
Turning away from door in anger he looks around the room inspecting it and is caught by a surprise when he finds a poster side of picture of him and Aman, where he is standing behind Aman, holding him from his waist and Aman is slightly turned in their hug and giving Kartik the most dreamy look one can imagine; huge smiles on their faces, their eyes sparking with happiness. He turns to left side and comes across a similar montage of pictures on wall as seen in their Delhi apartment but here the pictures are with entire family. A picture perfect in the middle with entire family surrounding Kartik and Aman as they are cheering and surrounding that picture are mini pictures with Kartik and each family member, individually doing various things, making hilarious faces in some pictures.
Bringing his fingers to gently trace each picture Kartik tries to see if they are real or his imagination. They feel so real but somehow Kartik is not able to believe it. 'I can't do this. I cannot let them go through this.' He thinks as he looks around the room which seems to be filled with love, warmth and their memories. The memories he doesn't have and he wants destroy all of this, they all are taunting him, laughing at him. 'I can't stay here. I need to leave.' He decides to leave otherwise he will do something that'll hurt everyone.
On the other hand, Aman comes down to his family with defeated look on his face, seeing that his family is alarmed.
"Aman, kya hogaya hai?" Chaman asks him. He straight goes to his mum, hugging her tightly he let his tears fall and starts to cry on his mother's shoulder. (Aman, what happened?)
"Aman... mer bachha. Bas, bas. himmat kar." His mother and his Chachi tries to console him but as if all his emotions are hitting him hard and he goes into a meltdown. (Aman, my son. Have patience.)
"Kaise himmat karon? Kya karon main? Woh sab kuch bhool gaya hai. Mujhe, humare rishte ko, es ghar ko, aap sab ko!" He screams through his pain not caring about anyone in this moment. He love rejected him once again and Aman does not know how much longer he can take it. (How can I have patience? What should I do? He forgot everything. Me, our relationship, this home and all of you!)
"Woh... woh... mujhse..." His legs gives out and he falls on his knees as Shankar and Chaman rush to hold him. They bend down with him, both hugging Aman tightly trying to console him while trying to hold back their tears. (he.. he..)
"Papa, please... kuch karo. Please Chachu, kuch karo... mujhe mera Kartik louta do. Please." (Papa, please... do something. Please Chachu, do something... please bring back my Kartik.)
"Aman, woh tera hi Kartik hai. Humara hi Kartik hai." Goggle tries to console but her words hold no convincing power because the Kartik she witnessed, they all witnessed earlier is not at all their Kartik, but a shadow of him. (Aman, he is your Kartik. He is our Kartik.)
"Aman, mera baccha..." Sunaina tries to console him but doesn't know how to, what to say. (Aman, my son...)
"Mummy, woh tumse bohut pyaar karta hai na. Bolo na usko, woh tumhari har baat manta hai. Usko bolo na..." Sunaina and Champa starts to cry seeing Aman like this, Goggle tries to console them. (Mummy, he loves you a lot. Talk to him, he listens to you, right. Talk to him...)
"Aman..." His father tries to gain his attention. Aman looks at his father through his tears and suddenly folds his hands in front of his father to beg.
"Papa... woh aapka ladla hai na, aapko sabse zayada manta hai... please usay manao na... uski madad karo na... please, papa." He is literally begging his family to help him get their Kartik back, he doesn't even know what he is saying but all he knows he'll die without Kartik. (Papa... he is your favorite, right, he adores you the most... please talk to him, convince him... help him. Please, papa.)
"Main uske bina marr jaonga." With this he falls into his father's arms and cries loudly leaving his family in tears and helpless. (I'll die without him.)
So this is it for now... hopefully will be posting next chapter soon. :)