BLANK::Kartik/Aman
Chapter VII: Mar Gaye Hum Khuli Rahi Aankhein
The dinner goes well as well it can be in given the circumstances; Kartik feels excited when Rajma Chawal are served for dinner.
"Yeh toh mere favourite hain." (These are my favourite.)
"Jaanti hon esi liye banaye hain. Tumhare liye." Chachi smiles at Kartik who manages to smile back in surprise. Kartik stays mostly silent but his eyes are observing everything and everyone. (I know that's why I cooked them. For you.)
When Aman comes to their room the second time it's close to midnight and he is surprised to find Kartik still awake. And then it hits him that they have been sleeping in separate rooms and it didn't occur to him about sleeping arrangements when he brought him there. Maybe that's why Kartik hasn't gone to sleep yet.
"Tum... tum soh jayo main bahar soh jaonga, wahan charpaai hai." Aman assures Kartik as he steps forward to take his pillow from the bed but Kartik grasps his hand before it can reach the pillow. (You... you sleep here and I'll sleep outside on the charpai bed.)
"Nahi... I mean ke, tumhara hi kamra hai aur waise bhi sabko pareshaani hogi." (No... I mean it's your room and it'll cause unnecessary trouble for everyone.)
"Mujhe kisi ki pareshaani ki parwa nahi hai siwaye tumhare." Aman's answer causes Kartik's heart to skip and unable to form anymore words. He lets go of Kartik's hand and just gestures him to lay down next to him. Aman knows it's a huge deal but he suppresses his excitement as he lays down next to Kartik who just turns his face away not before saying 'good night'. (I don't care about anyone's trouble but yours.)
"I'm sorry." Aman says to Kartik's back who turns around to look at Aman in confusion.
"Kis liye?" (For what?)
"Es tarhan bina bataye tumpar yeh sab maine daal diya. Mujhe tumhe family ke baare mein batana chahiye tha, I'm sorry." Kartik just looks at him for a long time. (For unloading all this on you without talking to you first. I should have told you about the family first, I'm sorry.)
"It's okay." Aman let's go of breathe he didn't even know he was holding in.
"I'm sorry, too."
"For what?" 'For leaving you once again, for running away once again,' he almost says but something in Aman's eyes stops him from uttering those words. "For all this." He ends up saying, he doesn't know what all this is, maybe for everything.
"Kartik, it's not your fault. None of this." The assuring tone does not help Kartik at all, he feels even more guilty. Somehow he is unable to stop himself for blaming for the accident which of course, he doesn't remember. But he blames himself for forgetting everything good ever happened to him. This time he doesn't say anything before he turns away closing his eyes knowing very well sleep is last thing on his mind.
Kartik can feel Aman's gaze on it but he doesn't want to draw attention to it so he pretends it's not soothing his heart, letting him be surrounded by peace as finally sleep takes over him feeling safe as angel is watching over him. Aman spends most of night just watching over his beautiful husband, knowing very well from his breathing when he is awake and also when finally sleep takes over him. Finally after what seems like a long time, Aman has been able to be close to Kartik once again and he spends every waking moment cherishing it.
It takes exactly three days since they got here and Kartik has another breakdown, a major breakdown causing the walls he built around his heart to come crashing down. Aman would be lying if he wasn't expecting something like this to happen but when it finally happens it is at the most unexpected time. Since they got here, Kartik had stayed mostly quiet and trying to always stay out of everyone's way but of course, it's his family and they would not let that happen. They are there at every step while giving Kartik space but also there to remind him they are there for him and love him meanwhile Aman would just stay on sidelines just watching over them, over him.
It almost seemed a normal afternoon as most of family members busy doing their own things, Kartik is sitting with Goggle and Keshav who are busy telling hilarious story about latest mischievous Goggle has been up to and Kartik is smiling until he finally lets out a loud laughter. Shankar is walking past them when he hears Kartik laughing, he stops and without giving a second thought, bends down to press a gentle kiss on his forehead and ruffles his hair.
Kartik looks at Shankar is surprise who is looking at him nothing but pure love and smiling at him, shaking his head asking him what happened? And that does it; a dam breaks and starts to fall heavily from his eyes. One second he is smiling and next he is sobbing loudly, falling apart in Shankar Tripathi's arms who is holding Kartik with his dear life. Soon, almost everyone is surrounding Kartik, trying to calm him down but Shankar shakes his head indicating let him cry as he needs to let out his pain.
Aman does not move at all when he saw Kartik breaking down because before even he could move almost everyone were there and when he saw his father holding Kartik, taking care of him like a father should Aman did not move. It was a father-son moment and he did not feel it would be right to take that away from Kartik so he watches from the background with his heart breaking all over again watching Kartik breakdown but he knows somewhere deep down this is a good thing.
"Roh le, mera baccha, ji bhar ke aaj roh le. Kyunki abke baad teri ankhon mein main koi ansoo nahi anay donga." A father promises his son to which Kartik is only able to reply with another heart wrenching sob, breaking tears into everyone's eyes. Shankar gently lays Kartik's head in his lap and runs his fingers through his hair knowing it will sooth Kartik. Unable to watch more, Sunaina leaves from there followed by Chachi who goes to console Sunaina. Meanwhile, Shankar and Chaman Chacha stay with Kartik; Keshav and Goggle finally notice Aman not far just watching with moist eyes, Goggle motions for Aman to come forward but he shakes his head. Keshav goes to Aman and pulls him into a hug. (Cry, my son, cry your heart out. Because after this, I will not let any tears come in your eyes.)
Kartik doesn't know for how long he stays like this in Shankar's lap, in an embrace where he feels so safe first time in his life. Tears have dried up, sobs have stopped and finally, Kartik can feel peace seeping in as he feels a burden finally taken his chest. He lies there, feeling Shankar's (Papa?) hand constantly creasing his hair and other arm around him holding him in place and every now and then he keeps pressing gentles kisses to his forehead and his hair. Kartik closes his eyes and enjoys this warmth, peace for a bit longer.
"Tu kyun nahi gaya uske paas?" Goggle corners Aman whose eyes never left Kartik for a second watching his father taking care of Kartik. (Why did you go to him?)
"Usay meri zaroorat nahi hai." (He didn't need me.)
"Kya?" (What?)
"Goggle, usay us waqt aik baap ki, parivaar ki zaroorat thi, meri nahi." (Goggle, he needed father, a family at that time, not me.)
"Tu parivaar nahi hai uska?" (So you are not his family?)
"Pagal mat ban yaar." (Don't be ridiculous.)
"Aman..."
"Main usay kabhi akela nahi chondonga, dukh-sukh ke saathi hain hum. Lekin es waqt mujhse zayada usko tum sab ki zaroorat hai." (I will never leave him, we are together in happiness and sadness. But at this time he needed family more than me.)
"Aur tujhe? Jo tujhe uski zaroorat hai woh?" Aman doesn't reply but his shining eyes are enough to tell Goggle who envelops him in a hug. Most of the day passes with Kartik sleeping peacefully in his Papa's lap. Both father and son stay there meanwhile the world around them keeps moving. Sunaina comes to check on them and motioning to Shankar to wake up Kartik but he tells him let him sleep for a bit more. It's intriguing how he is sleeping so peacefully, dead to the world in the veranda despite all the noise of normal life around him. (And you? What about what you need?)
"Aman?" Shankar asks Sunaina.
"Yahin tha abhi kuch dair pehle, Chaman usko apne saath upar legaya hai." Shankar nods, his heart aching for his son. He knows Aman will be okay but right now Kartik needs him more. Sunaina gently ruffles Kartik's hair who stirs a bit but doesn't wake up. (He was here, now he is gone upstairs with Chaman.)
They stay like this for a bit more longer when finally Kartik stars to come back to the world of living. Scared, his first emotion when he wakes up to find himself he fall asleep with his head in Shankar's lap but soon that feeling changes into warmth as Shankar kisses his forehead.
"Sorry main..." (Sorry... I)
"Sorry mat kaho, itne sakoon se soh rahe thay ke mera bhi dil nahi kiya tumhe jagane ko." (Don't say sorry, you were sleeping so peacefully I didn't had a heart to wake you up.)
"Thanks." Kartik doesn't know what else to say. Shankar smiles.
"Maa baap ko thanks nahi kehte." Kartik almost cries again but he hugs Shankar instead. Aman who was watching this quietly from the roof above smiles as he remembers the first time Kartik hugged his father at the train station and how it melted them. (You don't thank your parents.)
Later at night when finally things have died down Aman finally decides to seek out Kartik who had quietly left at the dinner time because he needed bit of fresh air and sometime to collect his thoughts. Aman had stayed out of Kartik's way for almost the entire day, knowing it's for better but somehow still feeling guilty he decides to seek out his husband. He is almost going in their room when Champa tells him that Kartik had been on the second roof since the evening. Aman climbs up the roof to find Kartik lying on charpai bed, one arm tucked behind his head and eyes on sky watching the stars.
"Kartik." Aman calls him as he comes closer to the bed. Kartik turns to look at him with soft smile on his face. The smile his husband used to give him at such quite nights and Aman's heart skips a beat. Without saying a word Kartik moves around the bed to make space for Aman who sits on it facing Kartik.
"Aaj asmaan bohut khubsoorat lag raha hai, sitaaron se bhara howa. Shaam se wohi dekh raha hon. Taare bhi gin'ne ki koshish ki, par itne saare hain ke..." He laughs at his own foolishness. When Aman doesn't join in his laughter, Kartik turns to find Aman gazing at him hotly which causes Kartik to blush. Suddenly a thought occurs to Kartik and he sits up causing Aman to almost fall off the bed. (The sky is looking so lovely tonight filled with stars. I have been star gazing since evening. I tried to count stars too but they are so many...)
"Aman." The way Kartik calls out his name with so much warmth causes Aman's breathe to stuck in his throat.
"Mujhe sab jan'na hai. Humare baare mein, sabkee baare mein. I think, I am ready. Mujhe humari kahaani sun'ni hai shuru se." It takes few seconds for Aman to register what Kartik has said, he is unable to believe his ears. (I want to know everything about us, about everything. I think, I am ready. I want to hear us our story from the beginning.)
"Sach mein? I mean..." (Really? I mean...)
"Haan." One word holds such a determination in it that Aman does not need to question it any further. And then, finally, Aman begins to narrate tale of Kartik and Aman, their story. (Yes.)
I hope you'll enjoyed it.