"I cheated on you."
The words weren't supposed to fall from her lips at all, and instead they crashed to the ground and blew up like a bomb.
He looked up at her from where he was breading chicken cutlets.
"What do you mean?"
"Last night. When I went out. I let some bloke at the pub feel me up. I snogged him too."
He was quiet. He kept cooking. Every time she tried to speak, he shook his head. He finished cooking, put only enough for him on a plate, and put the rest in the fridge, ignoring her. Not that she would have been able to eat anyway, with the way her stomach was in knots.
He ate slowly and she watched. He cleaned his plate and then sat down at the table with her.
"Why did you cheat on me?" he asked.
"Because I'm bloody fucking dumb, I reckon," she said shamefully.
"What's the real reason?" His voice was dangerously quiet.
She stared at a knot in the wood on the table and said, "You've been distant."
"I've been busy," he countered.
"You haven't touched me in four months."
He stood from the table suddenly, enraged that she had the audacity to blame this on him, and roared, "So you went and found someone else?!"
She nodded her head, "I hated it as soon as it happened."
He threw his hands in the air, "Because that's supposed to make me feel better?"
She shook her head.
"Why? Why would you do this?"
"I told you, you were distant, and I missed you and you never touched me, and I felt like you didn't love me!"
He stopped. Then he was angry again and shouted, "So you come to me! If that's how you truly feel, you come to me! You don't go to some random bloke in some random bar for some random action!"
"I tried! You ignored me!"
"When was this?" He asked indignantly.
He was surprised when she actually had an answer. He felt stupid for not recognizing it. He was still angry.
He didn't answer her, but went upstairs.
She followed quickly after.
He was pulling a blanket out of the chest and grabbing his pillow.
"What are you doing?" she questioned.
"I'm sleeping on the couch," he informed her.
"No you're not!"
"I'm certainly not sleeping with you tonight."
"Then let me sleep on the couch."
His voice softened, "No, I know how much you hate the couch."
"Then I deserve it, don't I?"
He thought for a moment, then handed her the blanket as he answered, "Yeah, I suppose you do."
She took her own pillow and looked over her shoulder at him as he got into their bed.
"What?" he snapped.
"I'm sorry," she murmured.
"I should hope so," he grumbled, turning out the light and leaving her in the darkness.
She felt a hand on her shoulder in the middle of the night. She sat upright and looked through the darkness and saw him.
He sat on the sofa by her feet and turned on a lamp.
"Let's talk," he said.
She drew her feet under her and pulled the blanket up to her chin.
He continued, "I want to know everything that happened with that bloke."
She nodded and he looked at her expectantly. She launched into the tale of how she had gone out with her friends and how they had pointed out the man that eventually put his hands up her shirt. She told him that he bought her a drink and she winked at him and he followed her to the dance floor and she didn't stop him. She said that when he came up behind her, she leaned into his touch.
He interrupted, "What was his name?"
"I don't know."
"You don't know the name of the man that you almost threw our marriage away for?"
"I didn't ask. I wanted to pretend he was you."
He stopped talking and she started. She said that his hands went up her shirt and still, she didn't stop him. He turned her around to kiss her, and when his tongue went in her mouth, she finally stopped him.
His question was simple, "Why did you stop him?"
Her answer was obvious, "He wasn't you."
"So you almost threw away our marriage for some guy who wasn't me, because you were mad at me, and then stopped because he wasn't me?"
"It sounds dumb when you say it like that."
"You sound dumb when you tell me you cheated on me."
She looked at him.
He apologized.
"You keep saying almost," she pointed out. "Have I not thrown away our marriage?"
"Jury's still out," he answered gravely.
"I'm sorry."
"I know."
"Why haven't you touched me in months?"
"I don't know."
"Do I repulse you?"
"Absolutely not."
"Are you mad at me for something else?"
"I don't think so."
They were both quiet.
"I think I'm depressed and burnt out," he admitted.
"I'm a bloody idiot," she breathed.
"Apart from cheating on me, how do you mean?"
"I shouldn't have believed you every time you told me you were fine. I shouldn't have gotten mad at you. I should have sat down with you. I shouldn't have gone out. I shouldn't have," she trailed off.
"Cheated on me?" he supplied.
She glared at him, continuing, "I should have known all those nights at the Ministry were having more of an impact on you than you ever admitted to me. It's all so obvious now."
"I shouldn't have lied to you," he conceded. "I should have listened when you told me you felt alone and rejected instead of just kissing you and going to bed."
"I should have been a better wife."
"I should have been a better husband."
"I shouldn't have gone out."
"I shouldn't have shut you out."
"Can we get through this?"
"Can you promise to talk to me, and then make me listen if I'm too thick to do it myself?"
She almost smiled. "I think I can handle that."
"Can I hold you?"
"Please."
"I love you, Lily," he whispered in her ear.
"I know James. I love you too."
"Do you forgive me?"
"As long as you forgive me."
"Come back to bed with me?" he asked.
"You're not still mad?"
"I'm still sad, but you're the person I always want when I'm sad."
Their talk continued into the night, revealing things they should have been sharing and hearing all along. James admitted how overworked he'd been and that was why he was so tired. It had nothing to do with Lily. Lily admitted that she'd been self-absorbed and didn't notice enough about her husband. James said it would be tough, but he would be able to get over this infidelity. Clearly it was eating away at her as she hadn't been able to go three hours without telling him. He promised they would make one night a week to talk about them and make sure they were okay. She promised she would never look for attention from someone else. Attention from anyone else would just feel awful.
He kissed her cheek and rolled away from her to turn out the lamp.
Her heart fluttered, and she let out a true sigh of relief.
"What was that, love?" James asked.
"Me realizing that you won't throw me out in the street for this."