Change

Italy

As always Maria Rachelli was up before her husband. Their shared parenting contract scheduled her to take care of the children in the morning, while he had the evenings. He had not left his room, when she prepared the nutrition for Andrea, the older boy, who showed up exactly on time as always. He had been in conditioning for four years and the Protocol developed good in him, just as expected. Although two years younger, his little brother was just as promising. But today the smaller boy suddenly stood in the kitchen door, minutes before his breakfast time, staring wide eyed at his mother.

"Rafael. You're early. What is it?" It was a sharp question. But maybe her tone was just not as icy as usual.

Still the more unexpected was his reaction: Rafael ran into the room calling out loudly: "Mommy it is such a beautiful day isn't it?" Trudging around the counter to hug her, he added joyously "And the sunshine looks so pretty in your hair."

At first the mother was startled, but then she found herself hugging her son back and taking him up on her arms.

"Is that ok mom?" Andrea asked, visibly unsettled by the strange behavior of his family members.

"Yes, I think it is…" she answered hesitantly. "Yes it is ok. Today really is a beautiful day."

Andrea got up and made it halfway around the counter before he hesitated. He stared at his reflection in the kitchen window touching his head with a concentrated frown. "Mom is there sunshine in my hair, too?"

She stepped closer and pretended to look really hard. Then she ran her hand over his head, tousling his hair. "Yes, of course there is. And it's just as beautiful."

Just at that moment Rafael Bernardo senior exited his room, fully dressed for work. Passing through the hallway he saw the scene in the kitchen and stopped at the door. His wife froze, one hand still in her son's hair, the other holding her four year old, who was smiling widely.

Very slowly he set down his briefcase and took a few careful steps towards his family.

"Rafael, I…" Maria began.

Not in front of the children. He interrupted her telepathically. Have you thought about what you're doing?

She started rocking the boy on her arm and kept stroking the other's hair, while she continued the telepathic conversation with her husband. There is so much change… I think what they said about Silence… They might be right…But before she could even find her composure in the face of the catastrophe this might turn into, Rafael spoke out loudly again.

"Boys, go and pack things for a week. Andrea, help your brother!"

"But I have to go to school," Andrea protested not leaving his mother's side.

What are you doing? I'm not letting you take my children. There was a determination in her voice no fully Silent Psy would have dared to show.

"Your mother will call you in sick for today," the father answered. When the boy still didn't move he added stiffly: "Since it is such a beautiful day, we're going to make a trip." To his wife he silently added: I'm not taking them. I'm taking all of you. If you break Silence, that's your decision. But I'm not having you do it in Councilor LeBon's sector. I won't see my family be taken to the Center.

"Do as your father says," Maria finally agreed. She set down her youngest and the children hesitantly left for their rooms. You want us to leave for good? Together?

Rafael took another small step towards his wife. There is no other option as long as the situation is as unstable as now. And it would be safest to stay together as a family at least as long as it takes for this change to take root or blow over. His face still showed no emotion but his expression was intense in a way Maria had never seen.

"I'll have to cancel a few appointments for today and call the school. Then I'll pack too," she answered aloud, starting for the hallway. When she passed her husband she felt a strong hand grip her slender one and hold it tightly just for a second.

Chapter 80

"You came."

The voice in the shadows sounded strained. And when he stepped out, Judd barely recognized the Ghost. The image Kaleb had created for the media was only part of it. On the screen he hadn't looked as tired, as gaunt. He had visibly lost weight within a few weeks. His hair was no longer styled and his jaw bore at least two days of stubble. Judd wouldn't be fooled by that ragged exterior. The man was still dangerous. "Only to hear what you have to say."

"I want to apologize for my actions. Using you as leverage was beneath me. – No –" He paused, seemed confused for a moment. "No, I wanted to say it was wrong…" Again he paused seeming lost in thought.

An apology was the last thing Judd had expected from the rebel, who seemed to tumble further and further into insanity. He waited for him to continue.

"But what I want to ask of you, may compensate for that." Suddenly the confusion and distraction vanished behind a strange form of composure. As if he had found a new determination. "My sanity is no longer something I can count on. Sooner rather than later someone needs to put me down. I cannot be allowed to live in this state of mind."

"And you want me to do it?" Another thing Judd hadn't expected, but he couldn't say he was surprised either. It was logical, under the given circumstances.

"That would be my choice, if I was certain you were able to do it. But if I lose control, that might not be possible. I am after all much stronger than you. But I want you to make the decision. You did it for me once. And I trust you with it again."

Judd didn't understand at once what the other man was referring to. How could he make the decision, if he wasn't able to do the deed himself? After the display of dishevelment he almost couldn't believe Kaleb was still able to plan rationally. And once more the Ghost's thoughts seemed to slip away and he began to talk of something else.

"I was never made to feel. I am one of those, who Silence was created for. I could have done it for her. With her." His words held the darkest bitterness. "But now she's gone, I won't make it. There is nothing left to hold me." Nothing but a few threads of guilt, love and promises. And he already felt them fading, cutting deeper and deeper the thinner they became. "Not in the long run," he added, then paused again.

No, his thoughts hadn't slipped away, Judd thought. He was simply treating him as a friend, offering him a look inside his soul before he made the inevitable request. So he listened.

"She survived all this time but she hadn't yet learned to live. I didn't see that. And I didn't see how they got to her. I was blind. I should have known. She had these breakdowns, bad ones, where her mind would be swamped by the residual, that's how she called the emotional impact of her killings. She compartmentalized that part of her mind. And they were getting worse. Right before… - right before I admitted I had broken Silence, one of her human friends was killed. And she was attacked by Ming, Tatiana and Shoshanna. They almost got inside her shields."

Judd had never seen the man he'd known as the Ghost for years look so human. Nothing of the ever frozen Psy mask was left, his features were tense, he did those little motions with his head, as if he was shaking it in denial or disbelief of everything that had happened. And his eyes… those eyes seemed so hollow but at the same time restless, as he spoke of those painful memories. The only thing that made him sound like a Psy was that he kept searching for words, whenever he described something emotional. Or maybe even that was human in his situation.

"But then we started being together…" he continued. "Like this. Share affection… Everything felt so intense. I thought it would be enough to … Or maybe I just got distracted. I didn't see that the process hadn't stopped. I only saw the part of her that wanted to heal. But there were other parts of her. One even wanted to take revenge, to kill." His eyes squeezed shut for a moment as he recalled her breakdown after her friend Liza's death. How had he been able to ignore this? "And I thought that was the worst. But there was that other part, the one that just wanted it to be all over, to join the ones whose life she has taken… You know what's the worst? I can still feel her. There's still a connection to that empty shell. Her personality is staring at me like a skull with hollow eyes."

No, this wouldn't help. Judd had thought talking might bring the other man relief, but it only seemed to make it worse. "You couldn't have known. I've seen people, who felt all their lives, go blind, when it comes to someone they love."

"It doesn't matter now, does it?" The words sounded hollow, empty.

"It still matters to you. Kaleb, I hope she can find peace now. And I hope one day you can too." Judd really didn't know what else to say, how to comfort the man that just hadn't had the luck, he had had.

"I will, if you grant me what I am about to ask of you." And finally he spoke about his plan that was as logical, as inevitable as it could be.

Judd should have known, should have thought of it. Of course there was only one way to kill the Ghost, when he finally succumbed to the darkness within.