Chapter 86

Alja was surprised to find herself not in the Krychek HQ but in Kaleb's cabin in the mountains, after the teleport out of the destroyed park that would soon be buzzing with people.

"Shouldn't we be back in Moscow, dealing with the public, assessing the damage in the Net or something?" she asked, returning the gentle embrace he'd pulled her into. They were both still soaking wet from the rain, but Alja couldn't care less. She was only now getting used to be able to exist, to feel at all. Every sensation was welcome, even the cold, wet clothes that clung to her skin. And she thought she might never get enough of that new connection she shared with Kaleb, that one link that had always been missing, that one thing that had kept her, kept them both from becoming what they really were: The cure for the Net.

"You just saved the Net. Whatever else there is, it can wait," he answered determined, a strange, intensity in his voice. "First I have to convince myself this is real."

"It was us. We saved the Net together," she insisted, lifting her gaze to meet his. "And do you really still not believe you're awake, that this is real?" It hurt to think that he still couldn't, that happiness was a concept so unbelievable to him. But she understood. It wasn't easy to accept for her as well. She was still dizzy herself from returning to the physical world and trying to process that they had finally managed to make her projection work. And even if they probably had a lot to deal with in the near future, the Net was safe for now. She felt it soaking up the steady trickle of empathic energy she still fed it through that wonderful new connection. "Don't you feel how real this is?"

"Yes, I do. But I just got you back. I'm not ready to share you. I need to be alone with you now." His voice deepened and his next word were a sensual promise. "I need to feel you, touch you, until I'm certain you are truly mine and then some more. And I'll only return with you, when I'm done loving you – which might never be."

As he said it, Alja sensed the raw passion surge up in him, the kind of passion she'd once so desperately pushed him for. And she knew this was not going to be an easy loving. But she didn't mind a few bruises, if it helped to take the agony of losing her out of his soul. After all the pain she'd put him through he deserved to still his hunger for her in every way he needed. And it wasn't as if she needed him any less. She was more than ready to give him everything.

So she expected him to crush her to him, to basically devour her, even to take out on her that deep pain she still sensed from him. But instead he just stood there watching her, one hand barely touching her hip the other lifted to cup the side of her face with the lightest touch. It made her insecure. What was she supposed to do? Even though she could read his emotions just fine now, she was lost. She felt his love, his devotion and that blinding need that arose from all the pain she'd left him alone with for weeks. But he didn't act on it, not the way she expected.

She could do nothing but stare back at him, her breath caught in her throat. He looked different. His hair was longer, some strands falling down to his eyebrows, dripping rainwater on his cheeks. His features seemed sharper than before she'd gone. Probably he'd lost some weight. His jaw bore two days of stubble and dark shadows ringed his eyes. He looked haggard.

Still it was the most beautiful sight she'd ever seen.

The water made the black shirt he wore stick to his skin accentuating every well-defined line of his muscles. It made her want to touch. Tentatively she lifted her hands to the collar of his shirt, still waiting for the storm to break lose. But they started to shake, making it hard to undo the buttons.

"Are you cold?" he asked at once.

"No." She felt as if she'd never be cold again as long as he was with her. Still the temperature in the room suddenly rose several degrees.

"Kaleb, you don't have to…" she began, but gentle fingers on her lips stopped her.

"Shh… just let me love you." A husky whisper.

"But I don't know what to…how can I ever make up for the pain I caused you?" The weight of all that had happened made the words sputter out of her, but her voice trailed away as he tipped up her chin and forced her to meet his eyes, the love in them just overpowering her.

"Alja, I'm not angry at you. If you ever had to make it up to me, you did it, when you pulled me out of that prison in my mind. You did what was in your nature and I could never blame you for that." He took both of her hands into his own and pressed a series of butterfly kisses on them until the trembling stopped. Then he gently pulled them towards his chest and held them close as if he was touching the most delicate porcelain figure. "I lost you. Not almost, not temporarily. I really lost you. I still need to feel that I got back all of you. Now will you let me love you the way I need to?"

She nodded and was finally calm enough to deal with the buttons of his shirt, when he placed her hands back on his collar. Still there was something different, something so new about this, it made her feel uncertain. But if that was what he needed, she'd handle it.

Only what Kaleb did next was nothing she was equipped to deal with.

His Tk and his Tp pushed at her shields, slowly wrapping around them, filling them up the moment she allowed him in. And then he was everywhere, all over her shields, her body, caressing her mentally and physically. He let her see his mind, what he saw when he looked at her: her beauty, the image of an angel, every hope he'd ever had, the way he wanted to touch her. It was far more than sexual. It was everything.

She barely managed to get his shirt off, before she started shaking again.

"Why are you still trembling?" This was about pleasure and nothing else. And he could tell she wasn't trembling from that alone.

Alja searched for the answer to that herself. This was Kaleb, the man she loved beyond life and who loved her back just as fiercely, the only man who ever incited such desire, such need for intimacy. And they had been intimate before. But there had still been boundaries between them, secrets, untold pain. Now…"I'm … I don't know what to expect." Maybe she sounded silly, but "this almost feels like the first time." And somehow it was true. Both of them had never been so fully open, so vulnerable.

She gave him the smallest but loveliest smile.

Kaleb couldn't help but smile himself. He'd never seen Alja shy and it was so sweet, it could have melted his heart, if she hadn't done so already. "You're right," he whispered and started to recall memories for her to see: The first time he touched her, caught her wrist, when she'd jumped at him, blade in hand, after he had teleported inside her room. And while he remembered, he gently and oh so slowly lifted her wrist now, stroking his thumb over her pulse. "This should have been the first touch." He stepped closer, letting her feel the warmth of his body.

The next memory was that of the day she'd demonstrated her projection. He placed his hands on the sides of her face just as he had then but so soft, as if she was made of petals he didn't want to crush. "This should have been the first kiss." Then he laid his lips on hers and just let them linger, showed her what detailed imagination of their bodies entwined in pleasure that single kiss had triggered in him even back then. It sent a flush of heat all through her body.

Kaleb wanted to remember every moment he'd ever spent with Alja to wash away all the hurt that had amassed in between. He needed to relive every small touch stolen in the shadows of his shattering Silence, share with her, what he hadn't been able to tell her then. So that was what he did. He recalled memory after memory, let her see what he'd thought, let her feel how he'd have liked to touch her back then. And more: He wanted to cherish every inch of the body that once more held the other half of his soul. So he slowly undid the zipper at the back of her dress and peeled the wet fabric off her skin. He took his time, stroking every patch of skin he bared, her arms, her back, her belly, her legs. When he had it all the way down, he gently lifted her feet to make her step out of it and pulled the flat white slippers off her feet, leaving her with only a bra and panties of a silky white fabric with a hem of delicate lace.

Alja blushed at the modest but sensual garments, having only ever worn practical black cotton before. But during her absence Kaleb seemed to have taken care to dress her only on the softest, most comfortable pieces of beauty. And the way he touched her now – She had never felt so adored. She had expected wild passion but this was far more intense.

It was as if that joint ability unlocked a whole new level of connection, she'd never imagined. It felt natural to allow his Tk close to her body. And the ease with which he used it told her, he was no longer afraid to hurt her either. When Kaleb came up after getting rid of her dress, she felt herself being lifted and pushed back out of thin air, expecting to be dropped on the narrow cot that had occupied the cabin when they'd entered. She was astonished to find her skin met silky sheets and the bed had suddenly changed to the wide one from his bedroom.

Kaleb found he still loved to surprise Alja. Even though she no longer hid her feelings from him, it was when he caught her off guard, that she seemed the most real. She even smiled a little playfully, when she let her hands slide over the new set of sheets, white, but again the same fabric as her dress from the ball. A part of him urged him to just tumble her to the bed and possess her in every way he'd thought he'd never have her again. But he wasn't done exploring. He wanted to savor every moment now and found he'd never had more patience. So he knelt before the bed, lifted her leg and started laying a line of kisses from her foot upward, accompanying it with his hands, indulging in the softness of her skin. He stopped just below her hip bone. Then repeated the whole thing on her other leg.

Finally the questions and insecurity that raced through Alja's mind quieted. Kaleb touched her with such devotion, such excruciating tenderness, there was no room for anything but pleasure. When both her legs tingled with the imprint of his kisses, he took one hand after the other and lifted it to his lips, kissing every fingertip, her palms, and then letting his lips wander slowly up her arm.

Since he knelt between her legs, her knees pressed against his hips as she clenched her thighs, starved for more intense touches in far more intimate places. As it didn't seem she'd get those anytime soon, she allowed herself to touch him back, smooth her hands over his shoulders, his back and up again through his hair. When he finally shucked off his shoes and crawled up on the bed with her, she decided to get rid of his pants. "Those are still wet, too." She whispered as if she needed an excuse to undress him.

A slow and very male smile was what she got in response. But he helped her with Tk when the damp fabric stuck to his skin, even gave a pleasured groan, as she firmly stroked her hands up his legs, his buttocks, his back. And then she was on her back, his hard, muscled body covering hers, his face buried against her neck, breathing in her scent. It was only when his warmth surrounded her that she realized that she had missed him, even when she was not herself, even when she had barely existed. Now he made her truly and very physically alive again, her nerves sizzling with the touches he gave her and the expectation of the more she suddenly couldn't wait to get. And she didn't fight the urge to share what she felt. She just let the emotion well up, flow out through the conduit in Kaleb that connected her to the whole Net. She watched it on the psychic plane for a moment, mesmerized. Relieved, she saw that whatever Kaleb's power did to the emotion, she unguardedly poured into him, stripped it of the very personal note it held just now. It let through only that fluid warmth that refracted into the colors of the rainbow.

But Kaleb didn't miss that a part of it was meant for him alone. "You're a gift I can never deserve and I will never understand how you can love me back like that." His breath caressed her skin while he spoke. His lips followed, first on her neck, then along her collarbone to the hollow at the base of her throat.

The taste of Alja's skin alone was a thing Kaleb could get addicted to. And the gentle flush she reacted with, where only pale coldness had greeted him for weeks, made his body react in a way it hadn't in all that time: It filled with a raw sexual hunger that urged him to take, to possess in the most primal way. But he knew it wouldn't be stilled if he started to rush. So he stayed patient, continued his quest to cover all of her skin with kisses. But he only traced the hem of her underwear, avoiding the most sensitive areas.

"You make me glow simply by being close. That's how." Alja answered when she finally found her voice again. Kaleb was quickly making her incoherent with pleasure. But those weren't the violent flames of passion that burned out as fast as they flared up. Those were slow glowing embers that he kept stoking up to white heat with his gentle touches and kisses.

She had nowhere near as much patience as he seemed to have right now. She tried to pull him into a passionate kiss, which seemed to work for a few seconds. He pressed her close, hugging her tight, letting her wrap her legs around his body, feel the rigid length of him against her core. But then she suddenly lost balance and tumbled around with him.

What? How could she have lost balance from under him? And why was there suddenly no mattress under her or his body? Why did everything feel so light?

She opened her eyes and broke the kiss, amazed. The bed was still there, several feet under their bodies that were hovering over it in an intimate embrace. "You're making us float!" she blurted out.

"Not exactly. I'm pushing away gravity around us, so you can move as you want." The explanation was cool but there was a teasing note to his voice and maybe even a hint of male arrogance.

Laughing she shook her head. "You're pushing away gravity … just like that. Of course, you do. What else?"

"What?" He raised his eyebrows while he couldn't hide his own smile.

"You defy the laws of nature just to give me pleasure and still you wonder how I can love you back." She gently stroked the side of his face, unable to believe this man was truly hers, had only ever been hers. She let another wave of happiness flow out through their bond.

Kaleb loved that he could partake in her emotions like that, feel the whole beauty of her wash through him. But it never affected him directly. She only let him read, but stuck to her promise not to direct the projection at him. Although, if this was what she felt, he wouldn't have minded at all. Actually, he realized, he would like it. He wanted that level of intimacy. And he had made her lose control before. He'd love the challenge to do it again.

Alja could've sworn Kaleb's smile turned a little roguish just before he started kissing her again, more fervently now, but still gentle and playful. He licked his tongue against hers but retreated once she opened up for more. Then he lightly grazed her lower lip with his teeth, again denying her more intense, satisfying sensations. And all the while his hands and his Tk roamed all over her body, teasing but never lingering. It drove her mad with pleasure, with unfulfilled lust. She lost all sense of time and space, floating weightlessly, while he touched her like that. She returned the caresses, loving to feel his firm muscles move under her hands. She even managed to pull off his briefs, but he never allowed her to rush him, relentless in his patience. At some point he must have removed her underwear too, probably using Tk. But she only noticed it when he stroked his hands up the sides of her bare breasts, oh so close to but never touching her nipples. A whimper escaped her. He drank it from her lips, deepening the kiss once more. And finally he pushed his thigh between hers closing his hands over her breasts at the same time. She came apart at once. Every inch of her skin was so oversensitized, the single touch was all it took. Pleasure washed through her whole body, making every muscle shiver and tense. Floating in the air Kaleb was the only possible anchor, so she locked her arms and legs around him tightly while the waves of pleasure pulled her under.

Kaleb savored every shiver of Alja's body, every involuntary moan that escaped her. She was his, still his. Only when she came apart in his arms, clinging to him like he was the center of her world, he could truly believe it. He wanted to feel her like this again and again so he started caress her anew before she even fully came down from her orgasm, even as it got harder to resist satisfying his own need. Her body was slick with a thin sheen of sweat that had replaced the dampness of the rain and it wound itself around him in pure desire. And with her mouth sucking and biting on his neck, her hands on his back, his chest she gave back as good as she got. He couldn't suppress an aroused shudder, when her nails scraped across his nipples. But he was determined to relish every moment they had. Too vivid was the memory of thinking he could never be with her like this again. And as much as he liked to taste her all over, he kept returning his gaze to hers, making sure sensual torture was the only 'discomfort' she felt.

It was when she whispered in his ear that his resolve to prolong foreplay as long as possible started to waver.

"Kaleb," she pleaded. "I need you inside me now." She sounded as if she'd be in pain if he didn't obey her wish.

And he had no resistance left.

She had already opened herself up to him her legs slung around his hips. So he only had to move up a little to slide into the welcoming, wet heat of her. He almost came at the sensation of her enclosing him, her muscles squeezing him tight. But he still wasn't done yet. He didn't have her where he wanted her, ready to share her pleasure on the most intimate level. Closing his hands over the firm mounds of her butt, he held her in place for his possession.

Alja felt relief and arousal alike when Kaleb finally pushed inside her. This she had missed too, while she was without body. But the short flash of the painful memory vanished when he looked into her eyes as he started to move. It felt as if he reached into her soul and she in his. It was the most intimate moment they'd ever shared, their eyes and bodies locked, touching nothing but each other.

He moved so in sync with her rhythm, filling her up, hard and deep, it didn't take long for the pleasure to peak again, tearing helpless cries from her and leaving her trembling in his arms once more.

Kaleb smiled. Slowly he felt alive again, confident Alja wouldn't vanish to the realm of dreams. But when he started to move yet again, she frowned at him. "Too much?" he asked.

"No, but you're doing that control thing again," she replied a little sulkily.

"Don't let me." He whispered against her ear and let her feel his smile against her cheek.

He wasn't holding back, Alja realized. He was playing. It made her frustration evaporate and left her eager to dedicate herself to the sensual challenge. But when she started to roll her hips against him, he held her in place with firm hands.

"Not like that." He gave her the most sinful smile.

It took her a moment to understand what he wanted her to do. "But I swore I'd never do that to you again!" How could he even want her to?

"And that's not right." He caught her gaze again and enclosed her in the gentlest embrace. Then she felt his Tk wrap all around her body in a single, tender caress that pressed her even closer to him than she already did by herself. "You're not afraid of my powers. I don't want to be afraid of yours."

The affection he surrounded her with and the sheer intimacy of the moment made it hard to remember the guilt, but she mustn't forget. "But I betrayed you, using the projection. I hurt you…"

He cut her off with a kiss, speaking his next words against her lips. "Then make up for it by giving me pleasure. Let me feel what you feel." A light nip on her lower lip. "If you like what I do to you, repay me by sharing." Slowly he started moving again in that maddening rhythm that made thinking very hard.

But not too hard to realize, he was coaxing her into submission. He was still teasing, playing, pushing her to let the guilt go, like she had done to him so many times. That alone would have melted all her resistance. But he was right too: There was no better way to compensate for his pain than sharing the pleasure he gave her. So she allowed herself to be coaxed. And the next time he brought her close to the edge she let the sensations and feelings it brought flow out with the same force they slammed into her, not into the bond of their shared ability this time, but right into him.

It took only a split second before she felt Kaleb succumb to the effervescent desire, the projection running over his damned control as if it was nothing. His thrusts got deeper, more intense as he climaxed until his body tensed and his groan mingled with her soft cries of lust. He lost grip on the Tk and Alja's shields immediately caught the excess energy. This time she saw the sparks again as their powers clashed and for a moment they seemed to rain upwards. Then the two of them crashed into the softness of the mattress.

Kaleb instinctively braced himself on his knees and elbows so he wouldn't crush Alja, but before he could start to worry, if that was enough to not hurt her, he heard the delighted sound she made. Even as little aftershocks pulsed through her, a small, feminine giggle bubbled out of her. And for once Kaleb didn't feel the urge to ask if she was ok. He knew she was. He felt it.

Kaleb still seemed to have all the time in the world. He kept Alja pressed to his side, not showing the slightest inclination to leave the bed anytime soon. When she asked about returning again, he simply said: "Most of them still live. That's more than they could ever hope for not only two hours ago. We can afford some time for ourselves."

It wasn't like him to neglect seizing control of the situation like this. So she gave him a questioning look.

To her surprise he smiled. "I'm not being irresponsible here. The moment we face the public, all hell will break lose. We probably won't get a minute of rest for a while. And you never used your powers on a scale like this before. It will tire you at some point. You need to rest," he explained. Then he admitted: "And I do too. I didn't really plan to have to keep up much longer than this." He'd pushed himself to exhaustion, not sleeping or eating enough.

He was protecting her. Of course he was. That made much more sense. But for the first time he cared for himself as well. So Alja could accept it all the more easily. Satisfied she snuggled up closer to him, just to feel him brush against her on the psychic plane a moment later.

We can take a look at the Net, if you want to make sure it's alright.

The first thing she saw, when she took a glance at the psychic plane, was that Kaleb was ready to slip out of her mental shields. Wow! She let herself slip back to the physical plane to give him a disbelieving glance. "How did you rebuild your shields so fast?"

"I just went insane, not weak or imbecile," he stated with mock arrogance. When she rolled her eyes at him he added: "And I might have copied one or two of tricks from a very talented shield specialist."

"Is that so? Too bad, I would have liked you to be dependent on me a little longer," she replied lightly, happy he was back to his old self enough to show that easy, male confidence again.

"Be dependent on you? Woman did you get anything that happened today? If I needed you any more I wouldn't be able to function," he replied exasperated but laughing at the same time. It was a strange sensation, a chaotic mix of the horror of a near death experience and the euphoria of still being alive. Probably humor was the only way to deal with everything that had happened.

But Alja was suddenly very serious again. "We were really lucky. Weren't we?"

"If I were still Silent, I would say our chances were astronomically small." He shuddered at the thought of how close it must have been. They hadn't yet talked about what exactly had happened in Paris, but before he'd teleported them out, he'd seen the cold ash of Sienna's X-fire all around them in the park. "But that wouldn't do the situation justice. I think we were far more than lucky."

He sensed Alja starting to tremble, a second before she burst into tears.

She hadn't lost Kaleb like he'd lost her. She hadn't allowed herself to feel that pain but for those last frightened moments in the rehabilitation chair. And then she'd just stopped. But she hadn't grieved, hadn't really experienced it. That was why it hit her even more unexpected: how close to not making it they'd come, how badly it had gone wrong before they had been given this miracle of a second chance. And everything she hadn't felt suddenly descended on her, swamped her in fear and desperation, gratitude and relief all at once.

Kaleb didn't ask. He understood Alja had to go through this. He just held her tight until it ebbed away, faded into the background. They both would need some time to fully heal.

When she spoke again, she sounded thoughtful. "In the end even Ming and Tatiana had a part in it. If they hadn't found a way to remove those shields you built, the NetMind couldn't have gotten me back."

He remembered the NetMind's request to open up the black shields to let the light in. He hadn't understood back then, that in his need to protect what was left of Alja, he'd created shields not even the neosentience could permeate. He'd rooted them deep in the fabric of the Net. Tatiana's viruses only got through by dissolving the connection to Alja's mind itself. "You remember how it happened?"

She shook her head a little confused. "No, I just – know it was them. I wasn't conscious, but I wasn't fully gone either. It's hard to explain. Things keep coming back in fragments. Like when I suddenly knew the veins for what they were. When I look out there, I know a lot of things I didn't before. I was one with the NetMind. I think it changed me." Only then Alja realized that she was only just beginning to unravel the mystery of her return. "I understand the Net now in ways I will never have words to describe. I can feel the its life itself now. Or maybe I always could. I just didn't understand what it was. I always thought it was just the residual that made me so desperate, like I was running out of time. But it was also the Net. I felt its life fade away." That pressure was gone now. It wasn't healing fast yet, but the bleeding out had stopped. "Still… It shouldn't have worked, you know," she began. "Even if the NetMind preserved my mind, there shouldn't have been a way back. I researched it before I let them take me: Rehabilitation usually removes the mental anchors the brain needs to function consciously, to hold the mind together. It should have rejected me, when the NetMind put me back."

"I think we may have the Changelings to thank for that." Kaleb wanted to explain further but suddenly remembered something. "I promised I'd take that secret to my grave. So you'll have to ask them yourself. But I think they'll tell you. You'll like it."

"Hm, yes. We'll we have to talk to them at some point anyway. We need to thank them and probably apologize of course."

He blew out a breath. "That might just be the understatement of the century. We owe them both our lives. I think we should start making amends."

"That's new. You trying to be that kind of good." Alja wondered: How much had he changed while she was gone? What else had she missed?

"Remember that shield specialist I told you about? She's really good with emotions too. Told me to let go of my guilt and try making up for what I've done. Since that is a lot, I'd better start now."

"Being good and joking? They must've rehabilitated you too and put someone else back in," she laughed.

But the way he kissed her in response was very much Kaleb, her Kaleb. When he pulled back after he'd indulged enough for the moment, she gave him his favorite mischievous smile. She really could get used to this: Lying in bed with him just enjoying the moment. And hopefully they had a lifetime of opportunities to do so, after they finally dealt with the mess that still waited for them.

And Kaleb obviously thought the same: "Are you ready to take a look at the Net?" They couldn't avoid facing it at some point. And it would be easiest as long as they were still here, in their little bubble of comfort, before they were confronted by all the parts of the situation, that were still not right.

He took her inside the Ghost's firewalls and they swept through the Net together, assessing where the life had already returned, gathering information about the casualties of the near cataclysm the Net had endured.

There was damage. People had died. Sections of the Net were still unreached by Alja's healing influence. Not all Psy were ready to let go of Silence that easily. In other sections emotion bloomed beautifully, but often left chaotic connections the Psy weren't used to. But if Silence had taught them one thing it was discipline. Some of them struggled, but they were readjusting. And fortunately it was the younger minds for whom it seemed to be easiest. And that was not the only thing about the young ones.

"Do you see the pattern in the drop-out data?" Kaleb asked after they'd collected enough to estimate where Kaleb's outburst had demanded most lives.

"The rates are highest in some facilities…" Alja hesitated for a moment then added amazed: "No children! There's no one under twenty whose link broke."

"Yes, and the facilities you speak of were the ones for the criminally insane." Kaleb confirmed when they'd retuned to the physical plane at last.

"It seems the ones who died were the ones submerged deepest in Silence." Psychopaths, those who'd lost all connection to emotion. "Their strings must've been weakened the most. They snapped first when you strained them." After a short pause she mused: "Maybe it's not accidental, maybe it's part of the cure, part of the Net healing itself."

"But it does bother you." It wasn't a question. Of course it would. It was who Alja was. Given the chance she'd probably have found the good in every one of those who hadn't made it.

"I would have liked to help everyone, but sometimes it's not possible." There was heaviness in her voice. But it didn't linger. "It's alright. All of this is more than we could've hoped for. I'm grateful it turned out like this."

"You're still used to death." He was glad she could deal with it, but it worried him, that she still couldn't let go of all of that hardness.

"That will probably never change. And this –" she snuggled up even closer to him, letting the empath in her rise to the surface, her eyes swimming with pools of gold. "I think I can only ever be that soft with you. I will always be both: an Arrow and a healer. But I am glad I can be more than an Arrow now. I don't want death to define all of me any longer."

"So you'll change your name, too?"

The question surprised her. Alja hadn't thought about it before, but Kaleb had a point. Dardo literally meant Arrow. It was a generic name someone in the Squad once gave to the girl whose identity Alja had been given, after she died in an outburst of her deadly powers, providing the disguise necessary for her survival. But the one her parents had given her didn't seem to fit either, even if it was the only thing she had left of them. "I don't know. Espérance Milhaud is a frightened little girl, who died a long time ago. That's not me anymore… I am Alja." She had become who she was being Alja, fought for her life being Alja, returned to the man she loved being Alja. "As for the last name, I could probably just choose any…"

"Do you want mine?" Kaleb's voice was so low she almost missed what he said.

She stared at him, heart starting to race, the words stuck in her throat.

"It comes with a burden. Maybe it's not even better than to be known by the name of a feared assassin squad. It's…" He trailed off.

Kaleb had wanted to catch her off guard again, see the surprise brighten her eyes. And it obviously worked. But was that really a good thing? What if the surprise was unwelcome? He should have been content with what he had. Alja did love him. He knew that. But going for forever? None of them had planned on even existing at this point. How could he ask her to commit to him like that?

"Kaleb are you … did you just propose?" Alja's eyes were wide, the stars in them trembling a little. But was it expectation or consternation?

"No, of course not. What is to propose? You're mine, I'm yours. It's a fact, nothing to propose. You don't have to take my name to prove anything." He put on the arrogant face that usually made her laugh and tried to make it sound as if he really was that confident.

But there was an edge of insecurity in his voice, Alja couldn't quite figure out. Damn her empathy for not recognizing the reason behind the emotions she perceived. Maybe it was best to play this lightly, give him an out of whatever made him suddenly uncomfortable. So she answered with a roll of her eyes. "And here I thought you were trying to be romantic."

Kaleb's heart clenched. For the first time since Alja returned, he tried not to feel so hard. He didn't want her to feel pressured by how bad he wanted forever with her, not if she didn't feel the same. "I was," he admitted seriously. "Until I realized there's probably not much romantic about being associated with me like that. I have a ton of enemies, a reputation for being insane, which is probably still true..."

Her smile turned gentle, when she understood. "I would love to have your name," she said calmly but decidedly and she showed him exactly how she felt, an overwhelming rush of empathic energy surging through their bond. She never wanted him to doubt that he would always be way more than good enough for her.