Narcissa winced inwardly when she saw Lucius in their bedroom. He sat with his back to her, reading his book by the window. The moonlight from the open drapes made his hair look more silver than blond. As was usual, Lucius didn't look up as she closed the door. The silence was deafening and painful.
She opened her mouth, almost saying something. But he gave no indication that he even knew she was in the room so she said nothing. Instead, Narcissa crossed the room to where she'd left her wand on the side table. To do so, she had to pass right by him. Finally, he looked up.
"I'm just getting my wand" she said softly, not wanting him to ask her anything she didn't want to answer. Once she got hold of it, she used a silent spell to dry her hair.
"How did you do that?" Lucius suddenly asked. Not expecting him to speak, his voice broke through the silence suddenly enough to startle.
"How do you think I did it? It's just a charm to dry things."
"What is it?"
"Etaridam with a clockwise half turn."
"Thank you" he said, and the conversation died.
Narcissa had little desire to revive it and sat down to brush here hair. He'd probably leave to go into another room soon anyway. He was almost never in the room let alone in the bed when she went to sleep. Likewise, he was almost never there in the morning when she woke up. The only evidence that he had been there at all was the creased pillow case.
It wasn't much of a marriage. But she hadn't expected much to begin with. He was a stranger and she could hardly expect a stranger to be her husband.
For a moment, Narcissa found herself thinking of her older sister. Andromeda had been disowned for choosing to date a muggleborn. The invitation to their wedding was tucked into the cover of her journal. She most certainly wouldn't be attending. They'd be happy without her there. At least they were happy.
Feeling bitterness rise like bile in her throat, Narcissa pushed all those thoughts away. If Andromeda wanted to be a blood traitor and turn her back on everyone for one muggleborn boy, then she couldn't care less. And she would spare her no thought.
Lucius suddenly spoke again, distracted her entirely from her previous thoughts. "Are you going to bed?"
"In a few minutes, yes" she said, braiding her hair securely with a tap of her wand.
"This early? It's not even nine."
"I'm tired."
"It seems you're always tired" he said in the same mild voice he always used. It almost infuriated her and she wished he'd just show a real emotion for once in his life. Or tell her why he'd chosen her for his wife. He didn't show any interest in actually having a wife.
"I suppose I am" Narcissa said. Little did she know, her mild even tone almost infuriated him just as much as his infuriated her. He could never tell what she was thinking. How could he figure out how to treat her if he didn't know what she was thinking?
"Is there a particular reason why?" Lucius asked, getting up and returning the book to its place on the shelf. He was very particular about the order of his books. She had once put one back in the wrong place and within moments he had corrected it.
"I can't think of a reason why. After all, it's not as though I do anything" she said, with a touch of bitterness. Every day was just a long stretch of apathetic and pampered boredom. She had everything she wanted, except something to do.
"Would you like something to do?"
"It would be nice. There's only so many times I can tell the house elf to clean."
Assuming the conversation was over, she slipped into bed and reached out to turn off the light. To her surprise, Lucius sat down on his side of the bed. She was startled enough that she didn't end up turning the light out. She looked at him, waiting to see what he was planning to do.
"What would you want to do?"
Narcissa shrugged.
"Well" he said, "what do you like to do?"
She didn't know the answer. Why didn't she know the answer? Surely she had things she liked to do. Yet she couldn't think of a single one. She had been married within months of leaving Hogwarts, and while at Hogwarts, she had focused solely on her studies. Before that, she had been a child and her previous childhood interests had no relevance in her life now. She had no hobbies. No interests. Nothing.
"I can't think of any" Narcissa had to admit. It was embarrassing. To appear more nonchalant, she picked up a nail file and started seeing to a hangnail she had noticed after her bath. It worked a bit. She felt more casual. "I suppose I've never had time for meaningless hobbies."
"People who don't have any meaningless hobbies end up very bored. As you are now discovering."
Narcissa shot him a displeased look. But she knew he was right so she didn't argue. She was discovering exactly how boring married life was, with no signs of improving.
"I'm right, aren't I?"
"Yes" she said after unclenching her jaw.
"So what do you like? Anything at all?" Lucius asked, gazing at her. She didn't meet his eye. Her nails were much more interesting.
"I don't know."
"You like flowers."
"Pardon?"
"You like flowers" Lucius repeated, motioning to the small plants and vases of colourful flowers dotted around their bedroom. "You always have them everywhere."
A faint smile touched her lips. "I do like flowers."
"Then have a flower garden. Anything to stop you moping about" Lucius said.
Narcissa sat up slightly, a look of indignation flashing across her face and her mouth opening to protest. Then she thought the better of it and closed it again.
"No, what were you going to say?"
"Nothing."
"I don't believe that. You were going to say something. What protests do you have to being called mopey?" he said, almost amused.
The amusement annoyed her more than the way he was trying to force her to speak. Sitting there with the arrogant half-smile, he had no idea. No idea at all what the past few months had been like for her, trapped in a marriage where he showed no interest in her at all. If he knew the extent of his neglect, he certainly wouldn't be smiling. So Narcissa decided to tell him – and not gently.
"Well perhaps if I got any kind of attention or affection from my husband, I wouldn't be in such a terrible mood."
"You're saying that your mood is my fault" Lucius asked, arching an eyebrow at her.
"You haven't made any effort at all!" Narcissa exclaimed. "Not once in six months!"
"Have you?"
"What?" she said, still too fired up from suddenly letting out her feelings to realise what he meant.
"Have you made any effort yourself?"
"I…"
She hadn't. She hadn't tried to talk to him, done anything nice for him or given even the slightest indication she liked him, let alone shown any affection. She was just as to blame for the situation as him. She was responsible for her own unhappiness because she had never tried to change it.
"No" she finally answered.
"Did you even once consider making an effort?" he asked, voice as calm as ever.
This time Narcissa flushed. His flaws were supposed to be exposed, not hers.
"No. I didn't" she admitted.
"And now we get to the crux of the problem. You did nothing and expected me to do it all. I did not do anything because you showed no indication you would be receptive to it. I decided it would be best to just leave you be and avoid any ugliness."
"And how long were you planning on just leaving me be?" Narcissa asked, her lip curling slightly. She wanted to let herself be angry and continue arguing, but she recognised that it would be a pointless activity. He was actually talking to her. She didn't want that to stop.
"Until you gave any indication you don't want to be left alone."
"I don't" she said quickly. Before she could decide not to.
"You don't?"
Lucius seemed genuinely surprised by that. A part of him just thought she was picking a fight, not truly expressing any feelings. Narcissa shook her head, fidgeting with the nail file and focusing on that. There was no way of knowing what his response would be. She really didn't know him that well.
A movement out of the corner of her eye told her he was moving. Lucius shifted to sit next to her properly, legs stretching out over the covers.
"All right" he said. "I won't just leave you be. Is that what you want?"
The uncertainty in his question struck Narcissa. He had just as little idea what to do as she did. That was at least one thing they had in common.
"Yes. That's what I want" she said quietly.
"Then we'd better get to know each other" he said. "Tell me… three things you like. Besides flowers of course."
"I thought we just established that I don't know what I like. I didn't even come up with flowers."
"It shouldn't be hard. Three things that make you smile."
Narcissa huffed out a sigh and pursed her lips as she thought. It took a while but Lucius was patient. He liked just sitting beside her and not feeling like there was an icy wall of indifference between them.
"Oh. Those tea sets where the cups and saucers look like flowers or leaves."
"I think that's counted under flowers."
"It shouldn't be. Fine, just tea sets then."
"So long as they look like flowers?" Lucius asked, almost teasing.
A slight smile touched her lips. "Yes."
"Okay, you still have two more things. And no more almost cheating with things that are technically flowers."
She smiled properly. Only for a moment. It disappeared as quickly as it had appeared.
"Christmas lights" she said. "The ones that always get strung up everywhere. But only the white lights."
"You like Christmas?"
"I like the decorations and the songs. The meal and the gift giving was usually very… tense. Because my aunt and uncle were there with their two sons. My aunt is unkind to them and my uncle drinks too much."
"Ah. Well we won't invite them to our Christmas then."
"I don't think they'd come. They don't like the Malfoy family."
"Do they like anyone?"
"Honestly, no" Narcissa said. "I'm not sure they even like us that much. They just like flaunting that they have two sons but my parents only had daughters."
"That seems a common thing for purebloods to flaunt" Lucius said. "You need one more thing."
"Children" she said suddenly but with complete confidence.
"Children?"
"Yes. I always liked looking after my cousins when they were little, and the first years. I always told my sister that I would have a dozen children."
Lucius looked alarmed at that. "A dozen? Twelve? That's… that's a lot."
She saw an opportunity to tease him. And she took it. "Oh, I meant a baker's dozen. Thirteen, not twelve."
"You-" he gave her a suspicious look. "You're teasing me."
"Yeah, I am" she said. "I haven't wanted that many since I was nine. After that, I saw sense."
"I can't say I'm not relieved."
"It's your turn now. I gave you three things so now you give me three. What do you like?"
As Lucius thought, they both relaxed on the bed, completely at ease with each other for the first time. The wall of indifference had been broken through.