I don't even know, fam. These characters get away from me. Or, more accurately, bulldoze me, steal my dog, and insult my fashion choices.
Sorry about the wait.
"You've all been brought here for one purpose," the man said. There was a laden pause. "My own amusement."
Tsuna couldn't stop the startled "Eh?!" that burst from his mouth, only to end in a croak at the positively atomic glare sent his way. He busied himself with trying to swallow his own tongue.
"As I was saying," (Another glare. Tsuna felt his skeleton melt.) "I brought you out of the game because I felt like it."
He almost interrupted again, but eyes like the darkest pits of hell snapped his way as if he could hear the thought forming in Tsuna's head. He would have hidden in the closet if he were capable of moving.
"Basically, what's going to happen is this guy," he jerked his head at Tsuna, "is going to try to seduce you."
Something deep inside of Tsuna shriveled up and died.
"If he succeeds, you have to go back in the game. When - ah, if he doesn't, you get to stay here, in the real world. I'll set up identities for you and everything. Essentially, you'll become real people."
Tsuna could feel the tension, the want, that thrummed through the room like it was his own.
Scary Fedora turned to focus on him. "If you manage to return them all to the game, you can have exactly one wish granted. You can even wish not to be so useless."
His stomach sank. He suddenly recognized Scary Fedora's voice. He'd spilled his guts to the worst possible person.
"Now, you can all get to know each other, the player can try to seduce you, and you can beat him up. Try not to break him. I don't like it when people mess with my toys." The "Narrator" grinned, all teeth and malice, and vanished. Everyone else started moving again as soon as he did, vacating the room almost as suddenly as they had arrived.
"W-wait! Can someone tell me what's going on -" Tsuna tried. The one with the tonfas, already halfway out the window, paused to give him a poisonous glare. "Hiee, never mind!"
Soon, the only ones left were the kid, who was pulling candy out of his hair and eating it, and the baseball freak, who was giving Tsuna a friendly smile and lounging on his rug. He made no move to explain himself.
"Um," Tsuna tried.
He blinked questioningly. Tsuna cringed.
"Uh, do you know what's going on . . . ?"
The baseball freak tilted his head. "Don't you?"
This guy's completely clueless, Tsuna realized, with a mounting sense of despair. "No, not really?"
"Didn't you read the instructions?"
"The instructions for what?"
"The game."
"What game?"
"The one we came from."
"Are you saying you came out of the game?!"
"Haha! You're pretty clueless!"
Tsuna wanted to scream. He settled for a strained grin. "A-ah, that's probably because no one explained what happened to . . . bring you out. Plus, I don't speak Italian."
"Why would you need to speak Italian? The game's in Japanese."
Godammit, Dad! "W-well, like you said, I'm pretty clueless," he chuckled awkwardly. "So, could you maybe explain what's going on?"
The baseball freak rubbed at the back of his neck. "To be completely honest, I'm not so sure either. We shouldn't be able to even be here. I guess the Narrator got bored and decided to bring us out! The rest he already explained."
"O-oh. I get it." No, I don't! How is any of this even possible?! "Thanks."
He looked momentarily startled, but then went back into an easy grin. This one seemed warmer than the others. Less plastic. Tsuna hadn't noticed that his smile was forced until he saw this one, and even then he could tell it still wasn't wholly genuine.
"Um, would you like some tea?"
The baseball freak waved him off. "Nah, I won't be here long. After all, I'm gonna fall in love with you!"
A pause.
"Um, I don't think that's how it works."
The baseball freak blinked again. "Eh? It's not?"
"N-not that I'm an expert, or anything!" Tsuna stuttered, turning red. "It's just . . . you can't decide to love someone. You have to get to know them, first, and even then it's not certain. It depends on how you get along, whether or not you're compatible, and . . . stuff."
"But I've fallen in love thousands of times! It's pretty much my only purpose," he said, laughing again. He almost got the sound right, but it still wasn't anywhere close to real. His eyes abruptly sharpened. "Besides, I think I know more about love than some kid who plays dating games because he can't manage the real thing."
Tsuna flinched. "I suppose you're right. But why not just stay here? Your friends all seemed to want to. Besides, I don't think I could se-seduce anyone even if I wanted to."
"Games are easy," baseball freak said amiably, and offered no further explanation.
"I think I'll go get that tea now," Tsuna said, after a few seconds of silence. Right before he shut the door behind him, he turned around and gave him a tentative smile. "I'm Tsuna, by the way. What can I call you?"
He grinned again, and this one was just fake enough to look real. "Yamamoto. Yamamoto Takeshi."
"It's nice to meet you, Yamamoto-san," Tsuna lied, and fled. He managed to slip on the hardwood of the hallway and faceplanted in the doorway, half in and half out of his room. He groaned, and peeked up over his shoulder to see if he'd been spotted. Yamamoto graced him with a friendly wave.
Tsuna scrambled to his feet with as much dignity he could muster (still not nearly enough), and carefully picked his way down the stairs.
"Mom, do we have any tea left?" he called into the kitchen.
"Ara, Tsu-kun! Just in time!" came Nana's cheerful voice. "We're in the living room!"
We?
Against his better judgement, Tsuna ignored the voice in his head screaming for him to preemptively check himself into some sort of institution to save his mother the trouble and slunk into the kitchen.
His mother smiled amiably at him, engaged in a cozy chat with That Fedora Fucker at their kitchen table. The one Tsuna ate on. She seemed to be enjoying herself. That made one of them.
That Fedora Fucker looked pissed. "Don't call me that, brat," he said lightly, effectively freezing Tsuna's blood in his veins. He was so scary. Even Nana's favorite flowery teacup looked lethal in his hands.
He's going to murder me.
"This is Reborn-san!" Nana said brightly. "He's offered to tutor you! Your papa recommended him, as well!"
"Please, Mama," Reborn said suavely, "Call me Reborn."
Nana giggled, pressing a hand to her pink cheek.
He's going to murder me and then seduce my mother, Tsuna thought numbly. Reborn's broad shoulders twitched.
"Well?" he asked, raising a brow. "Don't you have anything to say?"
"It's . . . it's nice to meet you, Reborn-san," Tsuna said on autopilot.
Reborn smirked. "I'd like to say the same."
Nana, either not noticing or ignoring the insult, started clearing up the table. "Well, I'll let you two get to know each other! Have fun!" she chirped, and vanished, leaving Tsuna to his doom.
"Now, brat," Reborn purred, advancing on him, "I think we have some things to discuss."