This is really short. I'm sorry. Other than that, I'm actually pretty proud of this chapter.
Warning: Mention of past noncon, as they were all characters in a game and were incapable of consenting. Also, vague reference to pedophilia, which is not going to happen ever. Even in the game, Lambo turned older before any "romance" happened, and Tsuna is never doing anything sexual or romantic with Lambo. There will only be sibling-type affection/antagonization while Lambo is a kid, and any crush he may or may not develop in his 10-years-older form will be strictly one-sided, because it would be super weird for me otherwise.
Okay, that said, enjoy!
"So by 'things to discuss,' you probably don't mean that this has all been some sort of horrible mistake and that you're going to go away forever, do you?" Tsuna asked plaintively.
"Why, Dame-Tsuna, don't you find my company satisfactory?" Reborn baited him.
"Of course I don't!" Tsuna screeched. "You came into my house, exploded my laptop, almost got me beat up by scary people, seduced my mother with your horrible lies, and said very mean things!"
Reborn quirked a brow, then smacked his head so hard that it bounced off the counter. "What was that?"
Tsuna, cradling his skull and sobbing softly onto the linoleum of his kitchen floor, said, "It's a pleasure to meet you and I'll do whatever you say please don't hit me again." His nose had started to dribble blood again. If this kept up he was going to lose IQ points, and, going by his grades, he didn't have many to spare.
"That's what I thought you said," Reborn said smugly. He graciously allowed Tsuna to clean the blood from his face and fetch an ice pack from the fridge. (Tsuna fell down the stairs a lot.) They sat at the table once more, Reborn kicking up his feet and silently daring him to do something about it. Tsuna tried not to cry.
"Well, now that you're done stalling," Reborn began, ignoring Tsuna's accusatory mumbling, "We can get to work on making you into a passable honeytrap."
Tsuna wasn't drinking anything, but he still managed to do a spit take. "What?! You're helping me? Also, since when did I agree to seduce anyone?!"
"You're going to," Reborn stated menacingly, "or else."
"Ahahaha, yeah, I just remembered that I've always wanted to prostitute myself for others' amusement."
"Wow, what a pervert. No wonder you were playing an eroge like this one."
"Hey! And what do you mean, 'an eroge like this one'?!"
Reborn looked delighted. "Do you really not know?"
"Of course not! This was a gift from my good-for-nothing dad. Do I look like I regularly play eroge?"
Reborn's brow quirked condemningly. "Either way, you are the sort of pervert who plays eroge his father sent him."
"Hey, it was my mom who wanted me to -" Tsuna realized that he was just digging himself in deeper and stopped while he was ahead. "So what is it that you're making me do?"
"I'm going to help you in your attempts to seduce those brats from the game," Reborn explained. "They'd probably kill you, otherwise."
"Ah, th-thank you," Tsuna said, giving him a small smile. He was, nominally, his ally, and he didn't actually have to help him, even if Tsuna emphatically did not want him to.
Reborn's dark eyes widened slightly under the brim of his hat, before he reached across the table and roughly flicked his still-tender nose.
"Ow! What was that for?" Tsuna yelped, glaring tearily over his hands, which were once more protectively cradling his nose.
"You were being irritating," Reborn said, though he seemed oddly absorbed by his distress. "Now go seduce the baseball brat. Say whatever you think he wants to hear and, whatever you do, do not be yourself."
Tsuna scowled, but got up, pouring Yamamoto a cup of tea from the pot his mother had made. He paused by the doorway, working up his courage, and stuck out his tongue at Reborn, who appeared to have fallen asleep, his fedora pulled over his eyes.
"You're a hundred years too early to be trying something like that on me," Reborn said suddenly.
Tsuna let out a startled squeak, and legged it.
"U-um, Yamamoto-san? I got your tea," Tsuna said, struggling with the impulse to knock on his own door, "Sorry about the wait. The, um, n-narrator was downstairs."
"Yeah, Narrator can be pretty demanding sometimes, haha," Yamamoto said, accepting his tea once Tsuna had ventured into his room. The cow kid was out cold, starfished on his comforter, staining the bedspread with half-eaten candy and drool. Tsuna grimaced. His mother would probably have to take care of that, as he had been banned from going anywhere near the washing machine or the laundry lines outside years ago.
"So is he your boss, or something?" Tsuna asked hesitantly.
Yamamoto abruptly snorted tea up his nose.
After paper towels had been administered and the cow kid, who had been woken by Tsuna's various distress calls, stopped laughing, Yamamoto gave him a considering look.
"You really don't know anything about this game, huh?"
"That's what I've been saying this whole time," Tsuna muttered.
Yamamoto rubbed the back of his head sheepishly. "Maa, most perverts who play eroge say the same thing, haha."
Tsuna twitched. How the hell can he say something like that so casually?!
"In the game, 'boss' means something very different from what you meant. . . or at least what I hope you did-" apparently Tsuna was still under suspicion of being a perverted freak "-basically, if you become the boss, it means you beat the game and we're all your sex slaves."
The cow child started giggling uncontrollably.
"Yamamoto!" Tsuna hissed, belatedly covering the kid's ears. Then he realized that Reborn wanted him to make this kid his sex slave and he leaped across the room, knocking into Yamamoto and getting still-steaming tea spilt all over him.
He groaned pitifully into the cushions he had landed on. Today was just not his day.
"I don't think that can be unlocked till you've conquered me, ahaha," said the cushions, and oh god his face was buried in Yamamoto's lap. He screamed and jumped back again, this time managing to smack into his dresser for the second time that day.
"Ow - oh my god, Yamamoto-san, I'm so sorry," Tsuna said, tears of pain making his vision go blurry.
"M-maa, it's fine," Yamamoto said, his voice odd, but that might have been the ringing in his ears. His vision was still too blurry to check his face, anyway.
And now it had started to go dark. Huh. Even so, as he mercifully lost consciousness (ignoring the slightly panicked call of "Tsuna!"), he knew that, whatever he did, he would not do a goddamn thing to seduce these people. They deserved better. Or at least better than him.