CHAPTER 7 – Kosher Dilly
Author's Note: I continue to play fast and loose with Emotion Sickness but be assured that the LBD will make an appearance. While Kim, Ron and Tara's love lives have been spinning out of control, our favorite villains have not been sitting back. Drakken's darkest plot yet awaits the youngsters. We know what happened in So the Drama. Will the outcome be similar in this story? You'll have to wait and see.
Middleton – That afternoon
Following a spell in the gym helping with the floats and dodging the many expressions of support, Ron had allowed Kim to drag him around Middleton to choose his Parade outfit. After visiting several fancy dress stores, they had finally settled on a large pickled cucumber outfit. Or rather, he had spotted the outfit and despite Kim's best endeavors to distract him with a Fearless Ferret costume, he had insisted on wearing it to the Parade.
"We have to support our local industry, Kim," he explained to her as he paid for the outfit hire and a handkerchief. Kim sighed, but ruffled his hair affectionately. Good job I love him so much! She shivered as she recalled their clinch earlier. Wow, if I'd known that Ronnie was such a good kisser, I'd have done this years ago! Josh had nothing on Ronnie. A tiny question threatened to cross her mind as she followed her boyfriend out of the door. Love? When did that happen? But the thought vanished as she caught his eye.
Thankfully, Ron could not hear Kim's thoughts else he would have gone into meltdown.
As they left the shop, Kim walking a step or two behind her new boyfriend to distance herself from the embarrassing sight of a human pickle walking the streets of Middleton, they caught sight of Steve Barkin. Ron turned to look at Kim, and by silent agreement they started to backtrack towards the previous junction. Unfortunately, their teacher had seen them out of the corner of his eye and he strode with intent towards the pair.
"Stoppable, mocking our pickle heritage are we? Explanation. Now!" he barked.
Ron drew himself up and smiled confidently at the teacher. I'm out of school now, you can't do anything!
"Oh no, Mr. B. I am Kosher Dilly, proud to support the most important industry in Middleton since the days of George Washington, sir." He reached into his pocket and pulled out the green handkerchief he had purchased earlier. It appeared to have been rolled into a sausage shape. Barkin leaned forward to take a closer look, then stepped back in alarm as the sausage started moving.
"Don't worry, Mr. Barkin. It's only Rufus. He is Gherkin, representing all the little people that made the Middleton Pickle Works the world-wide symbol of the United States of America that it is today."
Kim could almost hear the sound of The Star-Spangled Banner as she stifled a chuckle.
"Are you trying to make fun of me, Stoppable?" Barkin growled.
"Of course not, Mr. B. Now sorry but we have to go get an outfit for Kim. See you later!"
"I will have my eye on you tonight, Stoppable," Barkin warned as the pair walked away arm in arm. Ron rolled his eyes at Kim and smirked.
"Someone's feeling good about themselves today," Kim remarked, turning from the fast-disappearing teacher to smile at her boyfriend.
"Oh yeah. Out on the town with my bon-diggity gal." She giggled as they continued down the street.
Ron had decided that the line of least resistance was to go along with this whirlwind romance that seemed to have struck Kim. At the back of his mind, he had the feeling that this was all going to end in tears. It always did for him. Well, in his one amatory experience with Zita Flores at least. But for now he was going to go with the flow and see what happened. Being Kim Possible's boyfriend – heck, he'd shot up the food chain in one morning.
His thoughts turned to Tara and a pang went through him. Was he really so shallow as to have pushed her to one side in his mind so quickly? He threw a glance at Kim. His best friend looked so happy – he had never seen her glowing like she had been doing since their clinch. His lips still tingled from the sensation of Kim's kisses. But even during that passionate embrace, overwhelmed by Kim's presence, there was still a part of him that called out for the blonde girl not the redhead in his arms.
He was reminded of a line from an old album much beloved of his father. Bing Crosby and Still Nash or something. "If you can't be with the one you love, love the one you're with."
Yeah, that just about summed up his situation.
Returning to full awareness, he noticed that they had left the town center and were headed for the part of town where they both lived. "Hey, Kim. Don't we need to get you something to wear for tonight?"
The girl smiled mysteriously at him. "I've already got my outfit, Ronnie." A slight irritation went through his mind at her use of the diminutive. He had always been Ron to her. Ronnie was reserved for mothers and doting aunts. And now apparently Kim in full-frontal girlfriend mode. He pushed it to one side and enquired, "When did you get it? And what did you get?"
"I got it this morning on my way to school. You'll see it later. But I guarantee you'll like it."
Drakken's (formerly Dementor's) Lair – The same day
Shego woke in an unfamiliar bed with a familiar headache. As she looked around the small, recently-decorated bedroom sparingly but adequately furnished with a bed, desk, wardrobe and armchair, she recalled the events of the previous night. Drakken's speech had acted as a trigger for an outburst of back-slapping and renewed hope among the denizens of the lair that maybe, just maybe this time, there was something to look forward to after a plot than a period in the slammer. Dementor had often ranted about their "inevitable" victory to his followers but to no great effect. Everyone knew that Team Possible would find a way to upset their plans and break a few bones. Somehow Drakken had convinced them that this time it would be different. Manfred knew where the liquor was stored and before long an alcohol-fueled party was underway.
Drakken had quietly taken the green-skinned woman aside when Manfred had left the room. "Shego, take our host down to a comfortable cell and leave him there for the night. He'll only be a party-pooper if he stays up here. Leave him uncuffed but make it clear to him that he's free from them on sufferance."
"Sure thing, Doctor D." There was nothing she liked better than putting the fear of god into one of Drakken's adversaries. While that was not exactly what Drew had asked her to do, the pint-sized professor had tweaked them both on too many occasions in the past for retribution not to be on her agenda.
After that she had joined the party. Her memory was pretty hazy about exactly what had happened for the next few hours, but she did seem to recall a tete-a-tete with Manfred, who had taken to his new master and mistress with almost unseemly haste. But he was a fine figure of a man, with bulging biceps and a barrel-like chest, and Shego had found his Germanic accent appealing after several glasses of wine. His casual appraisal of her charms, as his eyes slid up and down her body, would normally have been answered with a blast of green plasma. But maybe it was the wine, or maybe it was the thought of his tight body against hers that had led her to flirt shamelessly with the confident man. At some point in the evening she must have drawn a line, because there was no sign of multiple occupancy of her bed. But the memory drew her attention to an ache below her stomach. Maybe tonight she would finish what she'd started.
After washing and dressing in the en suite bathroom, Shego downed two Tylenols and joined the others in the dining hall of the lair. Breakfast was set out on a long table to one side, which made her realize how long it had been since she'd had a normal meal. Certainly not since they were forced to abandon their alpine lair. She was again impressed at the care which had gone into creating and maintaining this place. Dementor obviously felt secure (or had done, she smiled) and was planning for an extended stay. The contrast with Drakken's usual short-term planning and time-share lair mentality was evident. By selecting Dementor's lair to "borrow", Drakken had chosen wisely, even if he hadn't realized it at the time.
Cleared plates had been set aside when Drakken turned to the room. "Everyone leave except Shego, Manfred and the professor," he ordered. Shego had not noticed the short scientist until the room was clearing, and realized that he had been brought up from the cell earlier. Dementor looked chastened and his aggression of the previous day had gone. Shego gave herself credit for some of that, but it also looked as though he had come to terms with the new management. And maybe he had started to see the advantages of collaborating with Drakken to deal with their common enemies.
With the room clear, the others got down to business. Drakken sat at the end of the table, flanked by Shego and Manfred, who winked across at her. She glared at him until the smile dropped from his face. Whatever his physical charms, he was still answerable to her, and insubordination would not be tolerated. What they chose to do in their down time would not, could not spill over into work. He nodded imperceptibly and returned to a stony face.
"Order of business," Drakken declared, yet again impressing Shego with his new-found brisk efficiency. "First, I want your help professor in putting together for me the following apparatus. He produced an annotated sketch and passed it down the table to Dementor who was sitting opposite. The former lair owner scanned the document, then looked up with a puzzled expression.
"Vot is zis supposed to do?" he demanded. "You are asking me to build you a flux capacitor. Haf you any idea how much power such a device requires? Must be ze equivalent off a small power station."
"1.21 gigawatts," Drew responded drily. "You have sufficient plutonium to generate that capacity. I know it was you behind the theft of fissile material from the Japanese last month."
"Zat is true, but ve only kept enough to power our air-conditioning unit – othervize zose interfering Global Justice morons vud have detected the radiation. We sold the rest on to ze Iranians. Zey outbid HenchCo."
Drakken looked furious. "Not only do you sell dangerous material to an unstable regime rather than a thoroughly all-American evil company, you deny me the chance to build my Phoebus Mark II." He stood up and leaned forward. "Give me one good reason for keeping you around."
"Professor." The others turned to look at Manfred. "How about the EMA?" Two blank looks contrasted with a pint-sized grin.
"Explain," Drakken demanded of Dementor.
"Ah, Manfred may be on to zumving here. Ze Electron Magneto Accelerator, vich ve liberated from the esteemed Doctor Cyrus Bortel. Hmm, let me zink … ." Dementor grabbed a pen and pad and started scribbling down numbers.
"What does this device do?" Drakken was losing patience with his old adversary.
"Vun moment." Dementor was in the zone now, and would not be disturbed, even by the threat of a glowing fist to his left. A satisfied grin crossed his face and he put his pen down.
"Zis iz it. Ze EMA boosts ze power of anything it is konnected to. Acts like a portable power plant. And if my calculations are korrekt, we still have enough plutonium for ze boosting of ze reactor output to 1.21 gigawatts. You vill haf your Phoebus Doctor Drakken."
"When?"
"I vould expect that ve can have zis device of yours operational by noon tomorrow." Dementor answered with a smirk.
A look of pleasure tinged with relief crossed Drakken's countenance. By his reckoning, the effects of the original Phoebus would be starting to wear off within the next 48 hours. The modified flux capacitor that he had designed in his head in Des Moines would make the transformation permanent. All he needed to do was to apply the output beam to his forebrain for twenty minutes. The one problem that he had anticipated was the huge power need. He had been racking his brains how to conceal such a large energy source from the authorities. And now his old enemy Professor Dementor had acquired the very device he needed to achieve his aim. Truly the gods were on his side this time!
"Excellent, professor. You have earned the right to stay with us." He noted with satisfaction the relieved expression on his former adversary's face. You've figured it out, haven't you? Work with me and we both gain. Work against me and you'll never see the light of day again.
And he could now focus his attention on the big prize.
Drakken turned his attention back to the group. "Now that we have sorted that out, let us turn to the main order of the day. We require a foolproof plan to achieve our aim of world conquest. Yes, Shego?" he looked at the raised hand.
"Listen, I don't want to sound like a broken record, but haven't we been looking for a foolproof plan like forever?" Shego rather liked it in this new lair, and with a more competent Drakken in charge, she could even see that this might be a stable home for the next few years. Disabled self-destruct mechanism. Booby-trapped air vents to keep out meddling youths. Why ever leave?
A look of extreme irritation crossed Drakken's brow. "Shego, weren't you listening to a word I said last night? This is no game. This time we succeed. And no teen do-gooder is going to interfere."
"Yeah, yeah, yeah, yadda yadda yadda. I know what you told the troops. But come on, can't we just stay here, keep a low profile, license the force field and live a life of ease for the next few ye… ?" Shego stopped abruptly at the look of fury that stared back at her. Hey Drew, chill already! It's only li'l old me!
Drakken stood up and walked over to his lippy sidekick. She stared up at the angry man, watching with alarm as a pulse throbbed in his neck. He slammed his fist down on the table, inches from her hand. She jumped involuntarily, as much from shock at his outburst as the crash of bone on wood. Manfred and Dementor shared a stunned glance.
"Now listen carefully to me Shego, and the rest of you. I am going to say this once only. We are not here for a summer vacation, or for the good of our health. We are here for one thing and one thing only. We stay in this lair for as long as it fits the plan and not a day longer. Nothing else matters but the plan. And we are going to do this in the next five weeks, before our foes have time to figure out what we are doing."
"Now does anyone else have any doubts about our purpose and resolve?"
The silence was filled by the rustling of sheets as Drakken handed out folders and then addressed the table.
"We need to do three things. First, we need to devise a plan to project our will across the globe. Professor, you and I will work on this. Second, we need to neutralize any organized opposition, especially from Global Justice. Manfred, you and your techies will have responsibility for this one. And finally, we need to figure out how to ensure that Team Possible is not a factor. Shego, you and I will take care of that. Dementor will put at your disposal his hoverplane, won't you?" the last words addressed to the professor, who nodded reluctantly in acquiescence.
Facing the group again, Drakken wrapped up his briefing. "I have included some preliminary thoughts for all of you in your folders. We meet back here in 72 hours. I want to hear your best ideas then."
The others nodded. Drakken dismissed Dementor and Manfred and then turned to his sidekick.
"Shego, I don't expect another outburst like that from you ever again." There was no amusement in his voice.
"Sure thing, Doctor D." The green-skinned woman tried to make light of what had just happened, but the look on Drakken's face told her that something had fundamentally changed in their relationship. For the first time since she had known him, he had intimidated her, if only for a few moments.
"Oh, and let's drop the 'Doctor D' stuff. In five weeks I shall be the Emperor of planet Earth. You should start getting used to calling me that, don't you think? Emperor Drakken." He savored the sound of the words.
Sheesh, pretensions of grandeur or what?
"Whatever, Doc … Emperor." If she had to humor him to get her way then so be it. In five weeks' time, when this all blew up in their faces, she'd be there to pick up the pieces and build him back up.
Just like every other time.
Drakken's face relaxed and she saw the reappearance of the Drew she knew and teased. She was surprised how happy she was to see that.
"Okay, Shego. I want you to do some undercover research for me. I'm sending you to Middleton."
"What for, Doc?" She risked a deliberate misnomer but he didn't seem to notice.
"Why do we always get surprised by the meddling duo?" Drakken pondered out loud. He didn't wait for an answer. "It's because we know next to nothing about them. Sun Tzu, Shego. Know your enemy. That's been our mistake in the past. They come, wreck our plans, and leave. And about the only thing we know about them is that she's a snarky kid and he's a bumbling idiot."
Shego begged to differ. "She's a snarky kid with two genius brothers and a brain surgeon mother, a techie who's hacked the entire world and your old rocket scientist college pal for a father. Not to mention a ridiculous number of kung fu moves. And he is surprisingly good at covering her back."
Drakken paused in thought. "Her father? Yeess. Forgot about him. A very convenient leverage point to throw the daughter off her game don't you think? Not to mention his secret government work. We need to find out more about that." He looked back at Shego and returned to his theme.
"Shego, we know far too little about what makes Kim Possible tick. I want you to go to Middleton and spy on her. I want to you to identify her likes, dislikes, strengths – no scrub that, we know them already – and especially her weaknesses. Friends, enemies, who she trusts, who she fears, what she does when she's not thwarting us. Everything Shego, everything. Somewhere in that teenage life of hers is our answer to how to defeat her.
"What about Stoppable?" she asked.
"Yes, him too if you want to," he said dismissively. "But she's the key. Beat her and we have little to worry about from the buffoon."
The sound of Bach's Toccata and Fugue in D minor rang through Shego's head as she cast her mind back to a certain blue-skinned Bad Boy and queried Drakken's assessment. She resolved to find out what she could about the sandy-haired sidekick as well.
Shego roused from her musings and headed for the hangar. With a tail-wind in her favor she should make Middleton by nightfall.
Middleton – That evening
Deep in thought, Ron walked up to the Possible's front door and paused on the threshold. He was dressed in a black jacket, white pants and a red shirt. His pickle costume lay uninflated in his back-pack. Kim had asked him not to put it on until after they arrived at the parade and he had seen her costume.
He shook his head as he thought of the changes that had taken place since he woke up this morning. He had acquired a girlfriend – however it had turned out to be his best friend rather than his crush. And while he had certainly thought about what it might be like to date Kim, the reality was proving to be very different from his heated imaginings. Sure, the kiss was like wow. And he was hoping for a repeat this evening. But he'd kind of expected that dating KP would be like being best friends but with added kissing privileges. That they'd still share everything and be there for each other till the very end, but also share tender clinches. But Kim had become so … predatory. Her essential Kimness seemed to have been ramped up to eleven, while her behavior during the day had fluctuated unpredictably between demure and manic. Only occasionally had he seen the Kim he knew and loved.
Maybe this was why she and Josh broke up? Perhaps he couldn't keep up with her?
If any of his male classmates could read his thoughts, they'd think he was crazy to have any doubts about dating the most desirable girl in the school. But Ron was if nothing else searingly honest with himself. If there was something wrong with KP, he ought not to take advantage of her. And a spoilsport part of him kept popping up with – "What about Tara? She's your real soul mate. Forget Kim, go for Tara."
"What should I do, Rufus?" he inquired of the naked mole rat who was looking questioningly at his human, standing still in the porch. Rufus squeaked – "Kim funny".
"Yes, Ruf .. there's something odd about her." He came to a conclusion. "I'm going to tell her – we're a great team but dating is complicating things. And we should just stay friends. It'll be fine, won't it?"
He looked down at Rufus for support. "Oh, oh," chittered the little rodent.
Ron sighed. Kim was so not going to take this well.
He rang the doorbell. As the door opened, he was greeted by both Possible parents and the tweebs. A welcoming party – just what I don't need!
"Kim and Ron, sitting in a tree," sang Jim. "Kay Eye Ess Ess … " chorused Tim before being interrupted by their father who beamed at Ron. "Ah, the new beau." His face turned serious. "We need to have a fam-to-Ron talk before you go and drag my daughter into the fleshpots of Middleton."
"Now now, James, give the poor boy a chance to come in before you go all deep space probe on him," his wife scolded, having been hoping for this day since Kim had broken up with Josh Mankey. She smiled at Ron. "Don't worry about my husband, he's only sent a couple of Kim's dates into a black hole."
Ron's visage paled. "Black hole …?" Anne looked at her husband and the two of them collapsed in laughter. "Sorry, Ron, couldn't resist," she giggled. "Truly, we're cool with the two of you dating. Aren't we, James?"
Her husband put his hand on Ron's shoulder. "Ron, we only want Kim to be happy. You make her happy. That's good enough for us. You won't make us regret this, will you?" It was unclear to Ron if that last sentence was a reassuring assertion or a warning.
He swallowed hard. How was he going to get through this night without being on the receiving end of serious physical harm from more than one member of the Possible clan?
Anne took his arm and led him into the spacious hallway. "I think your date is about ready," she said, glancing up the stairs. "Oh look, there she is."
His eyes followed hers to the top of the stairs, and his mouth dropped open as a vision of loveliness in a little black dress floated down the stairs toward him, a come-hither look plastered over her face. Ron's brain froze. His best friend looked so … mature! Those long, tanned, exposed legs. And her chest … Ron dragged his eyes up above her neck with the greatest of reluctance. His fantasies would never be the same again.
For the second time that day, Ron's conscience engaged in a ferocious struggle with his teenage hormones, and the hormones were already ahead on points after round one.
By the time he had collected his wits, Kim had dragged him out of the door, arm around his waist and hot breath on his cheek as she gave him a chaste kiss so as not to freak out the 'rents.
"You kids have fun, but be back by ten," followed them up the road towards the sound of the fair.
He shivered as she whispered in his ear, "Ten gives us lots of time for kissy-face, lover-boy."
Round two to the hormones … our boy looks on the ropes here, viewers!
The pair were so wrapped up in each other that neither of them spotted a lithe figure wearing a Sheela of the Leopard People outfit watching them from across the street. "Princess and Stoppable are an item?" she thought incredulously. "Last time I saw them she was tearing him off a strip!" She tongued a microphone hidden inside her face mask and began quietly to dictate a note to her recording device as she followed them up the road towards the parade. The next couple of days looked like being rather more interesting than Shego had anticipated.
Author's Note: Just wanted to take this opportunity to give a shout-out to all of you who have been kind enough to review, favorite or follow my story. I am encouraged by your enthusiasm and grateful for your appreciation. Can I also thank those of you who nominated me for Best New Author Frannie. The voting is now complete and at this point I am unaware of how I did. Next year, United and Divided will be eligible for something and I hope to make the nominations.