Chapter 10: A Brother Lost and A Soul Saved

Chapter 10

A Brother Lost and a Soul Saved

The way Sage had said "My father" made a pang of guilt and a wave of anger go through Severus' body. After all these years, he could not keep those two feelings back in the recesses of his mind whenever his half-brother was mentioned. His death was still fresh after twelve years and Severus still felt like the 20 year old standing in the circle when he had found out. The words that he could hardly believe coming directly from the Dark Lord's own mouth.

Severus had been in many ways still a boy, ignorant of all the consequences of the world and of the real nature of evil. Instantly, he had disapparated from the circle, not caring what the consequences would be, and then apparated outside their ancestral home to find it with the Dark Mark overhead. It had been true. When he rushed inside, he was accosted by his sister-in-law yelling and screaming and banging her fists against him…

"How could you let this happen to us? How could you? You didn't even try to help… Are you a coward Severus Snape or have you found a new family?" She whined in a voice that boomed through his eardrums.

"I didn't know! I didn't know, I swear. Do you think he would tell me. Gods, I would have come here to help him, I would have died with him. Sybein, he's my brother, I never would have just let him die."

Her face was bright pink, her eyes beet red, and tears were streaming down her cheeks. "You're a fucking monster, what have you become that you take part in this." She slapped him hard across the face.

He jumped, quite startled, and grabbed his cheek.

"He was your brother," she added to drive the dagger home. "He was my husband. He was a father."

"I'll make it right, I swear to you. Someone will pay for what's been done here."

"You cannot make it right, you cannot bring him back. Do you know, Severus, that everyday your brother would perform the protection ritual for you because it killed him inside that you were doing this, he would spend over an hour on it. He never judged you, never said anything bad about you, and said that you had your reasons. Everyday, he feared that something would happen to you, that you would be killed by aurors like your father."

He stood there in shock, his mouth wide-open. Everyday his own brother would spill his own blood for his protection and he never knew about it? The protection ritual was arduous and complex and at the end required the maker to let their blood flow freely into the circle. Jace had done that for him?

What had he done in return, he had let him die, he had performed no such ritual for his brother, or done anything else to help him for that matter. He blinked back to reality

"What…what have I done?"

He ran his hands through his hair and put his head down. When he looked up, she was no longer standing in front of him and he could see his brother's body lying on the floor in the living room. The living room they used to run around chasing each other in when they were young. As he walked to the side of his only brother, he felt the sickness churning in his stomach. He fell to his knees and took his brother's hand, it was cold. There were red marks all over his body, marks that showed he had been heard the word 'crucio' many times before he had finally been given death. A tear fell down his cheek and was soon followed by many others, each falling onto the body of his brother.

"I should have been here to stop it, if I wasn't with them, I would have been here. I didn't know."

He stayed there on the floor until the tears stopped coming. Suddenly, he could hear the cries of the child. He had been so consumed with his own thoughts that he never heard Sage's cries. The baby was sitting there mouth wide open, face shriveled and red, crying louder than Severus had ever heard a baby cry before. He picked him up and tried to quiet him, but it was obvious he wasn't crying because no one was paying attention to him. His wide blue eyes were bloodshot.

The minute he set foot in the living room again, Sybein jumped up from Jace's side and yelled at him, "Give me my baby, don't you go near him. He's been through enough tonight, he doesn't need to be in the arms of another Death Eater."

She turned towards the door with trunks and suitcases levitating behind her.

"Where are you going? Stay here, I can protect you and Sage."

When she turned Severus jumped back because she looked as if she was going to kill him with her eyes. "Protect us? Shouldn't you have been doing that before? I don't trust you Severus, not at all, I'm not as good a person as your brother was. You don't trust something burned by evil."

"But where will you go." He said exasperated.

"And I'm going to tell you that, why? So that when Voldemort changes his mind about killing Sage, you'll be there to tell him where to go? I don't think so Severus, I'm not that stupid. You won't be seeing us again."

Severus took a step forward with resolve. "Sage, he tried to kill Sage too?"

Sybein turned one last time, holding her baby tightly, "Yes, baby or not, anything with the blood of a Potter. I saved him for now but not without a cost. He knows the secret."

Severus frowned in confusion, "What secret?"

"Why don't you ask your Dark Lord all about it and then ask him what he did to your nephew. Even your own brother couldn't trust the child's own Godfather with that information, why do you think that would be Severus? It was the only secret he ever kept from you Severus."

After the funeral, Severus stayed by his brother's grave until late at night when he was sure to be alone. He took at the bag he had hidden nearby, kneeled down, and began taking out its contents. Each black candle he set on the ground in a circle, whispering words as he went along, until all thirteen were placed out. He lit them one by one in reverse order, again whispering as he went along. Next, a picture was placed in the center of the ring. The beginning of the ritual was complete. He said the long incantation out loud, from memory, as it had to be done. The candles had to burn down half way, so he waited, kneeling there whispering words not all unlike prayers.

The moon was high overhead when he finally took out the knife. He used it to prick both of his index fingers and then he rubbed his index fingers against his thumbs to spread the blood. Starting with the candles farthest from him in the circle he grabbed the firey wick and extinguished them one by one - left side first and then right side, then back left and then right again. His breath was low, his face as expressionless as he could muster, his eyes glossy but with an unmatched sadness. For a few moments he watched the lone candle burn of strongly in front of him, sending a faint cry of smoke up with it as if burned down.

He picked up the knife again, this time with purpose, with an anger mixed into his sadness. He held his left hand palm up, brought the knife to it, and then closed his hand around the blade slicing all the way from between his index finger and his thumb to the other side of his palm. The process was repeated with his right hand. He held them over the middle of the circle, clenching his fists so that the blood poured down from his hands near to the picture. Again he began to speak the second incantation, his hands full of blood and his forearms splattered too. Then he said their names slowly choking over the name of his brother.

He did the protection ritual for his brother, in his memory, for his safe passage, and for his family. A family Jace had shared with Severus, a family that was now as wrenched from him as his brother had been. And he swore, over his brother's grave, over the one remaining sacred candle, that he would change things and would have his retribution for what was done in his own home. Then he left the lone candle to burn down by itself.

At the funeral he had seen Professor Dumbledore and he had known what he must do, and he was more than ready to do it regardless of what would happen to him. He was sick everytime he thought of the Dark Lord and of serving him, serving the man that had killed his blood. Now he was standing outside of the gargoyle with apprehension, not knowing what to say or how to begin. He was twenty years old and he felt like a first year student waiting for a detention sentence. First, he had to think of the password.

"Lemon drop." No, that's too easy.

Severus didn't have a large pool of candy knowledge to draw from.

"Bertie Botts." Nope.

"Ergh! Chocolate Frogs." Damn.

"Butter Toffee." This is going to take forever!

"Truffles. Peanut Brittle. Peppermints. Droobles Blowing Gum. Taffy. Bon Bons. Swedish Fish. Turkish Delight. Damn! Damn! Damn!" He said getting aggravated and giving the gargoyle a swift kick.

"You might want to try Twizzlers, Severus."

He turned to see the smiling face of the headmaster looking at him with absolute amusement. "I expected you would be here to talk before long. Why don't we go up to my office and have some tea. Maybe a few Twizzlers as well." He said patting Severus on the shoulder like he was still a child.

Severus just muttered "Twizzlers?" under his breath and shook his head. He is such an odd, odd man.

Dumbledore must have heard him because he continued, "Yes, dear boy, Twizzlers. One of the muggle-born students got me started on them. They are actually quite good. Makes mouths happy, you know." The old man chuckled.

It amazes me that this man is one of the most powerful wizards in the world and the one that the Dark Lord fears.

Dumbledore sat down behind his desk after offering a stoney Snape some tea. Severus stood there with his arms crossed and watched the headmaster take a sip.

"You can sit down, Severus."

Severus huffed. Dumbledore was all too used to this. Talking to a Snape was like participating in a very intricate dance, you had to make every little piece fall into place at exactly the right time. Talking to Severus had always been a particular artform.

"What can I do for you then?" he said smiling while staring at him.

The young man uncrossed his arms, reached into his robes, and took out his wand. He strode forward and offered it to Dumbledore.

"You can take this."

The headmaster raised an eyebrow at him and let him stay holding it out. "And why would I do that?"

"Because I'm a dark wizard, I follow Voldemort." He exclaimed slamming the wand down on the desk in front of the headmaster. Then he thrust up his sleeve and shoved his dark mark down under Dumbledore's nose. "I bear the Dark Mark."

"I've known that for quite some time, Severus."

The young man stood in shock with his mouth wide open. Dumbledore smiled, he had played his cards right and now the conversation would be all in his hands.

"You, you knew, and you didn't, didn't do anything?"

Dumbledore stared back at him, the smile fading off his face. "And what would I do Severus? Shake my finger at you? Give you detention? Turn you in? Kill you? I should think not."

"And why not turn me in, plenty of others have been. I've come here asking for it."

Dumbledore smiled softly. "No, son, you've come here for my help. You've come here for your salvation, for your brother. You didn't come here because you wanted to go to Azkaban."

Severus looked down and ran his hand through his hair. Dumbledore knew the defenses were breaking down. He was not that out of practice at the art of talking to Severus. He had always been quite good at it.

"But sir, I've killed people, I've tortured people, I've done horrible things."

Dumbledore reached out and put a hand on his shoulder. "Yes, Severus, you have done horrible things. But when you got that mark you were no more than an angry child who wanted revenge on those who killed his father. That hardly makes you a bad person, it simply makes you a naïve seventeen year old boy. Since then you have been forced into committing acts you had no desire to commit."

Severus sat down in the chair finally and cradled his head in his hands. "You knew I had the mark when I was here?" he said in a whisper.

"Yes, I did. I knew before you went to get it that you would go."

"Why didn't you stop me?"

Dumbledore pursed his lips, unsure of how to proceed, "Because I would not have stopped you, nothing I could have said or done short of chaining you up in the dungeons would have kept you from getting that mark. I am not much for interrupting the narrative fate dictates for us Severus, and I knew that you would come back stronger, so I let you go."

The young man sat in the chair, his hands still on his cheeks, his head down. He was drowning in his own thoughts and realizations. His brother was dead, he was defying the Dark Lord, he was… there were… tears in his eyes? He was so confused. Severus Snape didn't get tears in his eyes. Well, he had when he saw Jace's body, but other than that he didn't get tears in his eyes. Never.

Next thing he knew the headmaster was standing next to him rubbing his shoulder and looking down at him protectively.

"I'm so sorry, sir."

"I know you are. I believe I take care of things, but not without conditions. I am sorry about what's happened to you, about what you've lost. I failed you too, Severus."

Severus broke down completely, and just let the tears come. He felt like a little first year. Dumbledore always had a way to break through to him. He just let the older man pull his head up against his stomach and put his arm around him.

"Gods, what have I done. My brother. Jace…"

"He was supposed to die, Severus. I know that doesn't make it feel better and it seems unfair, but he was supposed to die. It will all fit together in the end and you'll understand."

A few minutes later Severus quickly gained his composure and moved away. He looked up at Dumbledore.

"What is going to happen now."

Dumbledore looked down over his half-moon glasses at the young man that had just been a student two years ago. "You tell me, Severus, what do you want to do?"

He reflected, he knew what he wanted to do but he was not sure if the old wizard would go along with it. "I want him to pay, I want to go back to him, and I want to give up everything he says, everything he wants to do. I want to save people and their families, so that no one ever has to feel what I did again. I'll tell you everything." He clenched his fists until his fingers became even whiter.

"Severus, are you sure you want to do this? I would never ask it of you, it is more dangerous than I could even tell you."

"You don't need to, I know. I've seen what happens when Voldemort gets suspicious of his followers. I want to do it, and I will with your permission or without."

Dumbledore half-smiled and then rubbed his chin. "You will need to be protected in some way. You will need to be excluded from participating in most of his plans."

Severus nodded and crossed his arms again. "That may prove to be more difficult. Lucius tries to drag me along on everything."

"Young Mr. Malfoy never did know how to think for himself. But, I think I may be able to help along those lines."

The young man's eyebrows jumped up and he looked to the headmaster for his answer to their problem. Dumbledore smiled again and his eyes were twinkling.

"After this year, we are losing one of our staff members to retirement. I do believe you could fill the spot of our potion's master."

Severus' mouth dropped open, "Me sir, a professor, but I'm only twenty?"

Dumbledore shook his head merrily, "Yes but you could out-brew the professor even when you were here. You have quite the able mind, Severus."

"But, but headmaster, I hate ignorant, annoying children. I had to restrain myself from ousting first years when I was here!"

The young man's exasperation was quite comical. Dumbledore pat him on the back. This new job would be some new brand of torture meant to break him, at least Severus thought it would be.

"You'll learn to like it, Severus, and all of the children. You like your nephew." The old wizard said holding back a smile.

"Sir, he's not even two years old, he can't be annoying, he can't hardly speak full sentences!"

Dumbledore pat him on the back again before sitting behind his desk. "It's decided then, no more argument. You can move in here whenever you want, we'll start you right away. You can assistant teach for the rest of the year so that you can get acclimated to being a professor and not a student."

Severus jumped with a start when he felt someone squeeze his arm.

"Uncle? Uncle Severus? Sir, are you okay?"

Sage was sitting forward in the chair in front of him, the boy's hand on his arm. His face was plastered with concern. Those same wide blue eyes were staring at him. It felt like just a second ago when he held that screaming baby that had then been wrenched from him for years.

"Yes, I'm fine," he shook his head slightly and remembered what he had been doing before he had been dragged back into the past by his thoughts. He stared down at the boy sitting in front of him. He had been telling Sage that he had only trusted two people in his entire life and Sage had correctly said that one was his father. "Your father was a good man and a good brother."

Sage looked down and nodded. Severus could hear his breathing become louder. A similar kind of painful thought to the one that had caught Severus, was now trying to catch Sage.

"Sage, I'm not really one for this, I'm not good at it, but do you want to talk about it, about him?"

He took a deep breath, he didn't want to talk to his nephew about it, but he would if he had to. He didn't want to talk to anyone about Jace. He wanted to continue burying it. Dumbledore had been right, he wasn't being too good of an uncle now that he was back at Hogwarts, and he was only a mediocre one at home.

The blue eyes looked up at him and locked into his gaze. Normally, no one could see the sadness blanketed around Sage, but Severus could, because he tried to hide it the same way. Both of them were very good at it, but Severus had more experience burying it. He could see it surfacing in his nephew's eyes and in the way his face looked so open and pliable while it was trying to look blank. Severus realized that he could read Sage much in the same way that Dumbledore was always able to read him.

"No, I don't really, sir, I'm not ready… to talk about it yet, to know more than I already know."

Severus sighed with relief and then put his hand up to Sage's head. It felt foreign to touch someone else like that. "I'm not ready either. There's nothing wrong with that. You let me know."

Sage nodded again and looked away. "I will, sir."