Nancy frowned at the golden doors. The thick, gilded barriers between herself and the outside world. With a sigh, she turned to Calder again. "At least you get to leave." she mused, "And you have someone. You, cat, have Crea. What do I have?" Nancy sighed again and flopped back, staring at the ceiling. "An owner. As if I'm something to be owned! He even called me his possession!" She looked to Calder, as if looking for his confirmation of the fact. "Can you believe that? I'm a possession! The nerve of that man."
Calder leaped onto the bed and circled until the blanket became a nest. He curled up with a stretch and a yawn, then laid still, watching her fume.
Nancy softly stroked his fur for a moment, then suddenly stood. "No. No! I'm not a possession! I'm not a pet! No matter how much he wants to make me into one!" She began to pace, her anger and frustration intensifying. "All I ever get out of that man is," Nancy lowered her voice an octave to mimic Loki's voice, "Do this, pet. Do that, pet. Sit on my lap, pet, so I can stroke your hair and completely forget you exist. Oh, and remember to be obedient, pet, or else I should be cross with you again." Nancy let out a cry of frustration and gripped at her hair. "I'm not a pet!"
Calder's eyes flashed blue, a magnificent electric blue that swirled and sparked. "Meow." He jumped from the bed and followed Nancy as she escalated.
"And look at this dress!" Nancy continued, "Just look at it!" she stuck her leg out of one of the panels to reiterate her point, "I may as well not be wearing anything at all! You can see my legs from a mile away! And this darned collar!" Nancy gripped frantically at it and tugged. "I'm just waiting for him to put some sort of stupid jingly bell on it!" She dropped her hands and continued in her trek back and forth across the room. "And that sleeping spell," she seethed, "Don't get me started."
Calder skipped along beside her with a spring in his graceful step. When she slowed enough to notice, he rubbed up against her ankles with a long and drawn out purr. He closed his eyes contentedly as he rubbed along and up toward her knee.
Nancy sighed and glanced down at the cat. At least she wasn't the only neglected pet. She gently scooped him into her arms and stared into his startlingly blue eyes. At first, she was going to make some sort of comment about how his eyes shouldn't be blue, but then again… this was Loki's cat. The magician could make his pets' eyes whatever color he wished. With a frown, Nancy studied the new color. "I just wish Loki saw me for me. Not as some trophy or possession."
Calder nuzzled her cheek like he understood and gave another soft meow.
"Oh, why am I talking to a cat?" Nancy asked softly with another sigh, yet enjoying the comfort the cat brought her. "You can't even understand me."
On the mention of his only being a cat, Calder hissed loudly, showing her his teeth. He leaped from her arms to trail back to the bed, precocious and prissy. Truly a daguerreotype of Loki, if there ever was one.
Nancy blinked at him, startled by his reaction, and curled her arms against her chest. "Even his cats hate me!" she wailed, sinking down to sit next to the bed. "How am I ever going to survive this place?" The tears that formed in her eyes were completely involuntary. "Everything's under some sort of spell. The whole world's gone crazy!" She sniffed. "And I'll never be able to leave. Ever."
If cats could sigh, Calder would have. He disappeared under the bed for a solid ten seconds. When he reappeared, a handkerchief hung from his mouth. A soft, white handkerchief with a delicate scrolling script at the corners. He padded back to Nancy and lifted his chin.
Nancy raised an eyebrow, curious as to the cat's retrieval of the napkin, and reached for it. "Thank you?" Surely this cat was trained. Like Crea. Only Calder had been trained to retrieve handkerchiefs when someone cried. "You're a cat." she wondered aloud, "You can't understand human concepts."
"Meow." Calder stretched out on the floor and ran his pink tongue over his paws to clean them.
Of course. He was only a cat. Had she really expected him to be any more than that? Actually, she'd half expected him to start talking at that very moment. "I'm losing my mind." Nancy finally stated, lifting a hand to her head, "I'm talking to a magical cat and losing my mind. I've gotta get out of here."
Calder lifted his head and tilted it to the side. Softly, he purred at her to get her attention. When that didn't work, he swiped his tail across the floor. The soft swishing noise did nothing.
But how was she to leave without Loki knowing? That would be impossible. Especially with the collar around her neck and the bracelet on her wrist. No… she'd need someone to fight him. Not that she wanted Loki to get hurt, but she needed someone to knock some sense into him. And she knew the perfect person to do it. "I'll write a letter to Thor!" she decided, springing up and heading for her writing supplies, "Maybe I can get one of the guards to send it to him. He'll save me!"
Calder meowed again and followed her. When she still didn't look at him, he mewed... purred... rubbed at her ankles again. Anything to gain her attention.
Nancy immediately sat down at the dining table and began to scrawl a hurried note on her notepad. But it was nearly impossible to concentrate with the cat stepping on her toes and rubbing against her ankles and feet. "Go away, Calder. I'm busy." She shooed at him with her foot.
He rubbed at her ankles yet again and purred loudly, a noise so similar to Loki's call that one couldn't tell the difference.
As cute and adorable as he was, this was neither the time nor the place. Nancy quickly scooped him up again and headed for the doors, meaning to deposit him outside the room.
"Meow." Calder nestled close to her shoulder, nuzzling against her neck and face, until he saw their destination. Upon sighting the doors, he scrambled to climb back over her shoulder and remain in the room. "Mrrrr-eow!" he hollered.
"Stop it!" Nancy cried, attempting to pry him off. But the soft, luxurious silk of her dress was no match for Calder's claws. "You stupid cat!" She dropped poor Calder on the floor and bolted for the washroom. "Who knows how many diseases alien cats have?! And I have no immunity to them! If I end up dead because of you, cat, I'll kill you!"
Calder landed on the floor with effortless ease. As Nancy ran to the washroom, Calder padded back to the bed, laid down, and began to clean his paws again.
Nancy quickly grabbed a cloth, dipped it in the pitcher of water, rubbed a bar of soap on it, and tended her wounds. She hissed from the sting of the soap, but soon her wounds were clean. "Stupid cat. Icky germs. Stupid cat." she mumbled. As she made her way back out into the room, her fiery gaze met Calder's. "That's it! Out!" She threw her arm out at the doors for emphasis.
But Calder just stared at her, his gaze unwavering. With another yawn, he stretched out on the bed.
"Ugh! What happened to obedience?!" Nancy flopped onto the chaise and sat there, fuming. She'd never had such a rotten day since the days she'd spent in her cell.
Still watching her with never-straying eyes, Calder yawned wider.
Nancy glanced at the cat, watching him yawn. Now he was just mocking her. "Oh, don't you even." At this point, she was ready to strangle him.
"Meow." He returned to his paw cleaning, intent on licking every stray hair from the top and the pads.
"Whatever. Stupid cat." After a short break to calm herself back down – as much a s she could – Nancy finally returned to the dining table and the letter she'd been writing.
Thor,
This is Nancy McAllister. Loki kidnapped me several months ago. I have no idea how long I've been here. He imprisoned me and tortured me for many days. Now, he keeps me as his pet and –
Calder, when he had finished preening, slunk from the bed and headed for Nancy's corner. He settled back on his hind legs, then with an impressive vertical jumped all the way up onto the desk.
And there was that cat again. He would not leave her alone! She almost preferred Crea to him. At least Crea left her alone. Nancy turned away from the cat and continued writing.
Now, he keeps me as his pet and has used his magic to keep me from being able to sleep. He withholds food from me and forces me to obey his every whim. Please, Thor –
Calder meandered closer to her writing hand, each step silent and sure. He pressed a paw to the page and dragged the same paw back toward himself.
"What?" Nancy sighed.
"Meow." He pawed the page again.
"No. stop it." She picked the cat up and dropped him to the floor. This letter was far more important than the cat.
Please, Thor, you're my only hope. No one else knows your brother like you do. Maybe you can talk some sense into him. I don't want him harmed, but I need someone to save me. Pleas-
He jumped back up onto the desk and rubbed against Nancy's arm, starting at his head and all the way down to the end of his tail. He let out a purr and did it again.
"What is it, Calder?" Nancy snapped, ready to knock the cat right off the table. But then she sighed. All he wanted was a little attention. She'd forgotten Loki neglected him, too. "Fine." She softly scratched at the cat's ears. "Better?"
Calder purred at the attention she finally gave him and dropped down into her lap. He rubbed against her other arm this time, every vertebra sliding easily against her arm from underneath his soft fur.
"Tell you what, let me finish my letter and I'll pet you then, okay?" Nancy stood, taking the cat with her, and moved toward the bed. She dropped him onto the soft covers, then returned to her letter. She would finish it, cat or no.
He mewled loudly, as though she had hurt him, and turned back around to stare at her. As a cat, he simply couldn't understand how she wouldn't give him attention. He watched her, his eyes sparking blue again.
Nancy picked up her pen and began writing again.
Please. I know you're busy being an Avenger and all, but you're the only one who can help me. I'm counting on you.
Sincerely,
Nancy McAllister
Finally finished, Nancy folded her letter and started for the doors.
"MEOW!" Calder frantically circled on the blanket, then jumped from the bed and ran to her side.
Nancy tugged at the doors, but they wouldn't budge. She pulled on them… but nothing happened. Maybe they could only be opened from the outside. "Hey!" she screamed, "Someone! Guards! Open the door! Anyone! Hello? Help me! Please!"
"Mew." Calder made it to her side and sat down before the door, expectant but not pushy. He simply stared up at it.
"Let me out!" Nancy continued, "I wanna go home!" Her tears began again and she did nothing to stop them. "I just wanna go home."
"Meow. Meeeeeooooow." Calder's voice seemed to echo her own in a loud, sad song. He meowed as long as she pounded, which resulted in a cacophony of cat and angry female.
"I'll never see my family again." Nancy resigned, curing up at the base of the doors. "I'll never see Anita. Or mama. Or daddy." Her chest heaved as realization sank in. She would never again leave this place. She was trapped here forever. Doomed to be Loki's pet until the day he tired of her or her body gave out, whichever came first.
Calder mewled sadly along with her.
A loud cry of anguish rang out, echoing off the stone around them. Nancy curled her legs against her chest and allowed herself to sob violently. She had never felt so alone. Not even during the days and weeks she'd spent in her cell.
Soft cat steps made their way to her side, and then pressed against her lap. Calder climbed into the soft space created by the dress fabric and curled up. He lifted his gaze to Nancy and offered her a soft purr.
Nancy held Calder close, relishing the comfort he gave her. He was her one friend in all the world, and she'd pushed him away. But no more. She drew him closer and buried her tear-stained face in his dark coat.
Calder mewled in sympathy and nuzzled her again. The door beside them swung inward, silent on well-oiled hinges. Loki's boots tapped a rhythm onto the stone floors as he entered. Calder meowed loudly.
Loki blinked and looked down at the pathetic bundle at his feet. One utterly distraught woman in green and one sympathetic feline curled together in a picture of agony. What had happened between his going away and his coming back? She had been in such high spirits earlier. Had giving her back the notebook been a bad move in this constant game of chess? Were those... tears?
Nancy sniffed, but didn't bother to look up at Loki, partly because she was angry with him, but also because she didn't want him to see her crying again. She only hugged Calder closer and looked away.
Calder nuzzled Nancy's chin, a gesture that caused Loki to smile despite the sad portrait there before him. He folded his arms behind his back and drank in the sight. "Calder likes you."
"At least someone does." Nancy spat, her voice barely above a whisper.
"You should feel honored." Loki closed the door behind himself. What had she been doing at the doors in the first place? He had seen paper in her hands, but what could that be? A letter? No. How many times could he mess everything up in one day? Could they not go back to the easiness he had felt after she mussed his books? With a sigh, he turned for the washroom. The most he could do was draw out her words. "Until today, Calder hasn't really liked anyone."
"Oh? Where there others for him to choose from? So that he knows what he likes and doesn't like?"
"Only Asgardians." Even that plan had backfired. What had started this mood of hers? It couldn't have been anything he did. He hadn't even been there for the better part of the afternoon! Most people thought him moody, but they hadn't met a woman like his pet. Loki stepped into the washroom and tried to dispel the unsettling thoughts from his mind.
Nancy scoffed and wiped at her face, blotting her tears away. It was only when she lifted her hand that she realized she still had her letter. Immediately, she stood and moved to the chaise, opting to hide the letter among the pillows.
Strange, for her to be so silent. It must have something to do with the papers in her hands. Loki dropped his helmet by the tub. It could stay there until he had need of it again. Cumbersome, devilish torture device. Nevermind. It was over and done with now. He stripped down to just his trousers. The removal of all those layers of hot material felt exhilarating and refreshing. He poured water into the basin and splashed it over his face. There. Much better.
Noting movement in the dresser mirror, Nancy glanced over at it, only to find Loki's reflection. From this angle, the two mirrors reflected one another, giving her the perfect view of Loki's face. She watched, half stunned, as the water dripped over his face and splashed down onto his chest. Nancy felt the breath catch in her throat. She'd never seen him look so handsome.
Loki felt eyes watching him, and knew they could only be one person. A glance in the mirror confirmed his suspicions. She had followed him, and she studied him even now. Fine. Let her. Perhaps it would turn her thoughts from the emotions that roiled within her when he arrived. Loki pressed his wet hands to his dry, tired eyes, then ran the water back through his hair. He couldn't begin to describe the level of refreshment that simple act brought him. The cool water removed the heat from his skin and hair and calmed his nerves.
The way the water looked in his hair... His muscles moving and rippling beneath his skin. Nancy couldn't help but stare. She was so entranced by the water moving over his body that she hardly remembered she was staring. Every desire within her screamed for her to stand and join him. For her to touch him.
Loki straightened to his full height. Water dripped from his chin and hair, across his chest and back. He smirked at her through the mirror. "Do you see something you like, pet?"
Nancy physically jolted and blushed deeply. She'd been found out. She turned her face away and cursed silently. She hadn't wanted him to catch her staring.
So it was possible to make her blush. A good thing to know, for future reference. Was that embarrassment at having watched him? Or having gotten caught? "I do not mind," Loki assured. He reached for a towel and dried his face with it. "Those papers you held upon my arrival. What were they?" He took the time to rub the towel across all the droplets that had escaped from his head.
Nancy paled and instinctively reached to make sure the letter was still hidden. It was. "Just notes." She stated, nonchalant.
"Notes?" It hadn't looked like notes. She kept her notes flat and safe, not folded and crunched in her hand at the foot of the door. He draped the towel back across its hangar and turned to return to the bedroom. Perhaps she had misspoken. Perhaps these notes were of a different nature. "On what?"
"Oh... your cat. He acts very strangely." She didn't think he'd buy it, but it was worth a shot.
"Notes on cats generally do not cause one to fall ashen upon inquiry." He was tired of these games. Tired of her sorry excuses for lies. She should know better. He could detect a lie miles away, and hers more obviously than some. Loki flopped, exhausted, to the bed and threw an arm over his eyes. If only nightfall came sooner on days like this. "Care to speak truthfully?"
Nancy glanced down and studied the pattern of the tile, feeling guilty. "Will you promise you won't be upset or harm me?"
"Yes. I swear it." Why did she need him to promise not to harm her? What had she done this time? He slowly moved his arm down from his eyes and rested his gaze on her. Why did she look like he might strangle her at any moment? "Is it that bad?"
With a sigh, Nancy pulled out her letter and studied it. She knew it was going to hurt him. And she'd never wanted that. Slowly, she unfolded it, then stood to hand it to him. "I'm sorry." she whispered as she handed it over.
Thor,
This is Nancy McAllister. Loki kidnapped me several months ago. I have no idea how long I've been here. He imprisoned me and tortured me for many days. Now, he keeps me as his pet and has used his magic to keep me from being able to sleep. He withholds food from me and forces me to obey his every whim. Please, Thor, you're my only hope. No one else knows your brother like you do. Maybe you can talk some sense into him. I don't want him harmed, but I need someone to save me. Please. I know you're busy being an Avenger and all, but you're the only one who can help me. I'm counting on you.
Sincerely,
Nancy McAllister
"To... to Thor?" Loki instantly propped up on one elbow and met her gaze. Thor, of all people? Did she not realize how much he hated the oaf? How much he wished he never had to hear that name again, after being in the man's shadow for centuries? God of thunder. Everyone would always pick Thor over him. Even, it seemed, his own pet. "You'd have never gotten this off-world. Why Thor?"
Nancy shrugged guiltily. "Because he's the only one who can stop you. And who cares enough to try. I thought maybe a guard would deliver it." She lowered her eyes again; she couldn't look at him.
Loki swallowed, a conscious action to dispel any anger he might conjure up. In this situation, he knew the source of his anger was his brother, not this frightened girl before him. She didn't know how deep the feelings ran between them. She couldn't know how much Thor had hurt him. "You... hate me this much?"
Nancy whipped her head up to look at him. "No. I could never hate you. I just hate what you're doing to me. I hate what I've become."
Loki sighed and laid back down. What had he done? Had his actions driven her to his brother? Could not even one thing be entirely his own? She swore allegiance, and yet she turned for help at the first opportunity. He rolled away from her to stare at the far wall. No. He had always known he was undeserving of love. Now, it seemed, his own actions had brought down upon him the crushing weight of the shadow. He would never escape, never be as good as Thor.
Nancy stood and went over to him. She placed a hand on his shoulder and leaned over him to kiss his cheek. "I am very sorry." Her tears began again. She couldn't bear the weight of knowing she'd hurt him so much.
How could she say such a thing after what she did? She had meant to write the letter, meant to hurt him by reaching out to the only man on Midgard who could find his way here and take her from him. Everything fell from his grasp. Everything. He couldn't let her see the inner turmoil that boiled within, so he nodded in affirmation. A breath, heavier than he expected, exhaled from his lungs.
The sound he'd made was like a knife to her heart. Nancy softly stroked his hair, still damp beneath her fingers. "Please forgive me, master." she whispered. There was nothing more she could do. She'd broken his trust and his heart, all at once. With more guilt than she could bear, Nancy turned away and sat down on the chaise, waiting for something to happen.
But nothing did happen. He just laid there, staring away from her. Knowing she had to do something to right this, Nancy stood again and slowly moved around the bed to the other side. She carefully lay down, facing him. But he still wouldn't look at her. "Look at me." she said as gently as she could, "I wanna tell you something."
Loki pulled his gaze from the wall and studied every line of her face. Now she meant to tell him something? Now that the damage was done and she had gotten her revenge. Well, not all of her revenge. Only a good portion. His own pain. He raised an eyebrow in question, distrustful of his own words.
"You know I jump into things without thinking. It's my biggest flaw." She reached for his hand and twined her fingers with his. Gently, Nancy lifted his hand to her lips and softly kissed the back of it. "I wasn't thinking when I wrote that letter. I'm homesick, but that still doesn't excuse what I did. I should never have written that letter. I searched for you for two years. Relentlessly. Even if I did go home, I know I wouldn't last an hour." Because she loved him too much to stay away.
Of course she wouldn't. Even if she did, he knew he would watch her for all her days, until she looked for him again. This woman was the only one who had not thought him a villain in Stark's lair. Who had been brave enough to visit him on the hellicarrier without guards and guns. He couldn't abandon someone like that. Even if she left him he would be there for her. Yes, he could understand her plight. He nodded once, with the intent to forgive. "But... really? To Thor?"
"He's the only other Asgardian I know. I am sorry, Loki," She held his hand tighter, silently begging for his forgiveness. "...master."
"Your apology, as sincere as it was, is accepted." Only in her sincerity would she slip and use his name. She certainly had been honest in her apology, and he must honor that. He offered a smile, small as he could muster. "I am all for a nap at this moment. Hours upon hours of fine print make one's eyes burn."
Nancy smiled and gave an audible sigh of relief. How quickly they could move from pain to a topic they both understood. "I know that feeling" Nancy snuggled close to him, not wanting to let him go.
"Do I still have to sleep on the floor? I know it's what I traded for my notebook, but still... the floor?"
Loki wrapped his arms around her and pulled her close. He could live without her punishment of sleeping on the floor. "I think other arrangements can be made." If he didn't think she would abuse her power over him, he would let her sleep like this every night. It felt... nice. To have someone to hold instead of a cold, dead room. Loki nuzzled a cheek against her hair. Yes, he could easily lay his chin against the spun red gold any night she chose.
Nancy sighed happily and brushed a hand over his back. He was hers, and she'd never let anyone take him away from her. The letter had been a horrible idea. Even if she did have the opportunity to leave, she wouldn't be gone long. She had fallen completely in love with this man, and she wasn't ready for it to end so soon.