Star Wars: I Will Sing No Requiem
[So, I don't know Dear Evan Hansen that well, but my friend likes to play it in the car. And one song, 'I Will Sing No Requiem,' reminded me WAY too much of Star Wars characters. So, I spewed this out in a couple hours. I normally like fics that reconcile Leia and Vader, however this one doesn't get as close as I would have liked. But it IS realistic of their relationship, I think. You don't need to know the song to get the fic. Thanks, enjoy.]
I do not own Star Wars, nor Dear Evan Hansen.
The celebration had gone well into the night. Leia had never been one for parties—the ones she most often attended were either thrown by the Emperor and she had to pretend to be a loyal servant while secretly loathing him, or 'parties' that were actually meetings between rebel senators who would be killed if their treachery were discovered. Obviously, there was always a certain tension to those. But this one was one of the few she truly enjoyed. As she leaned back into Han's arms, watching the second Death Star's remains disintegrate into the starry atmosphere, she felt at peace for the first time since…
Well. Longer than she cared to admit.
The Galaxy was safe. Her friends were safe. Her brother was safe—brother, Luke is my brother—Han was safe, and the Rebellion she led was safe. Of course, some hadn't been saved soon enough. They had lost many lives in the newly-won Battle of Endor. And, of course, there were all the lives lost in the previous years of conflict, as well as the innocents the Empire had enslaved and slaughtered during its reign.
Like her Mother and Father, Breha and Bail Organa.
And her people. Her planet.
Leia slowly exhaled through her nose.
Not tonight,she told herself. Tonight is not the night you mourn your losses. You've done that for the past four years, and you'll continue to do so for the rest of your life. But tonight, tonight is the night you celebrate one of your few victories. And hope for more to come.
Or maybe, actually, she was done for the night. Endor, it turned out, had quite a long period of darkness. They had been rejoicing for several hours now, and the excitement was starting to die down. The Rebels had drunken themselves to sleep, their bodies in orange Rebel flight suits or green-and-brown camouflage draped across the bridges of the Ewok treehouses. The Ewoks themselves were drawing back into their little homes; a few wandered the shadows to put out the fires and clean up the wrecks left behind. Maybe it was time Leia turned in as well. Force knew she would have a shipload of work tomorrow morning, handling the Imperial prisoners, reorganizing the Rebellion's surviving forces, preparing for the remaining Imperial forces to strike back, handling the fallout of the Emperor's death, beginning to establish the New Republic, stopping the Galaxy from falling into anarchy…
She yawned just thinking about it.
A loud snore made her peer up at Han. In the darkness, she could see his closed eyes and widely gaping mouth, as he stretched back in total exhaustion. She smiled at the sight. His day had been as rough as hers, but at least he didn't have as much work to do tomorrow. She'd almost be jealous, if it weren't for the fact that she knew he'd stick by her every step of the way, no matter how tired he was too.
Well, she was cozy and needed rest, so Leia snuggled into Han's side and shut her eyes.
Not two seconds later did they fling open. Something was happening. She lifted her head and scanned the many bridges and treehouses that draped out before her. There was a Rebel soldier asleep near the edge of the platform, dangerously close to falling off, and a pair of Ewoks that were sniffing around a pilot who seemed to have a ration hidden somewhere in his flight suit.
Her eyes caught movement of a form too tall to be an Ewok, and too aware and steady to be a drunken Rebel still somehow awake. The form moved with purpose around the edge of one of the fire pits, now only holding embers. It was the same fire that—
Oh. Leia relaxed as she scanned the form again, now recognizing it as Luke's. My brother,her heart whispered. He is my brother. He is mine.
Why was he awake? Leia knew little of what he had gone through during the Battle of Endor in the Emperor's clutches, though she had plenty of experience with Vader to make a few educated guesses. When Luke had returned, in an Imperial shuttle he had hijacked mere minutes before the Death Star's explosion, he seemed to have only suffered a few bruises. He had embraced her immediately and assured her he was fine, laughed with Han and Chewie and Lando, joined in the victorious celebration though spent most of it on the edges…and, less than an hour in, returned to the stolen shuttle and dragged Darth Vader's body down the ramp.
Leia had felt completely cold when she first saw it. Cold disgust that he wasn't completely obliterated from the Galaxy, cold hatred that he be here in their hour of triumph, even if only in flesh and no more, cold loathing that after everything he'd done to her, the torture, the hunting, the pain in every way on both her and her loved ones….he was her father.
Bail was my father, and always will be. More than that creature ever could be.
Han had wanted an explanation. Leia had shut that down, saying that it wasn't the time and they could trade stories later. In truth, some part of her knew that she wouldn't like the tale. She didn't want to hear it.
Luke had consented, and subtly, away from the eyes of the Rebels, he had taken Vader's body to one of the pyres to burn like the other Rebels who had died today. Once the flames got started, the details of the body burned away so no one recognized that notorious, detested shape.
Now Luke was walking around the fire, shifting through the embers. Was he really alright? When Leia had first met him, Luke had worn his heart on his shoulders with such hope, such naiveté, and she could have read him as easily as the sky. His charm and honesty had appealed to even the most cynical battle-hardened Rebels. Leia herself, even through the pain of the destruction of Alderaan, her people, her home, had never felt such an instant connection with another human being.
But, war was hard, and over the years Luke had hardened, too. He became more serious with the responsibilities, with the defeats, with the deaths. Bespin had been the worst. He had come off that planet looking like the stars had died and everything was darkness. Something in him had shattered. He had become closed off, distant, reserved, not like that eager-to-help Luke she had known. Slowly, oh so slowly, he had recovered. But he still wasn't the same, and Leia didn't think he ever would be.
Did Vader shatter him again?Leia thought, a flash of fury coursing through her. Of course, he must have. Leave it Vader to strike one last blow against Leia's loved ones before he died. Leia wanted to leave him behind, to bury their tangled fates together, to slice him off of her life and leave him behind for good. She didn't want to hear another word about him. But if Luke needed to tell someone…well, she was the only one who knew the whole, hard truth.
Leia drew away from Han's warm side, now fully awake. She was a night owl; she could stay awake for hours; it was getting awake that was the problem. She was notorious among those who knew her for being groggy and snippy in the early hours before her caf. Luke, on the other hand, went to bed fairly early but could get up at the crack of dawn and be ready to go. It was the farm boy in him that made him such a morning bird.
He's the morning bird, I'm the night owl. He's the day to my night. My brother.
It must mean a lot if he was staying up so late. Leia pulled away from Han, hearing his soft, inviting breathing behind her and crept away quietly. She paused by the Rebel draped across the wooden platform to shift him away from the edge. He muttered something like "Take that, Palpatoots,"but didn't wake up.
Leia made as little noise as possible as she sneaked across the platforms and bridges towards Luke. She stopped behind him, unsure as to how to disturb him.
He solved that problem for her. "You should be asleep, Leia."
She always forgot about how he could sense her. Leia could be quite stealthy when she wanted to, used to sneaking around the secret passageways in the Palace of Aldera—now destroyed—as well as her time as a spy for the Rebellion. But Luke had always known when she was near, just as she somehow knew when he was. She supposed it made sense now, and she found herself smiling at the idea that they had always been linked.
"So should you," she said, slipping her hand into his as she came up to his side. "You never stay up this late, Luke." She frowned at him. "Are you worried about getting nightmares?"
He was quiet for a moment. "No. That's not why I'm awake."
Not that he didn't think he wouldhave nightmares, she guessed, just that it wasn't on his mind right now.
Leia knew what was. "You're thinking about Vader," she said plainly.
Luke sighed and sank down to the wood. Leia sat down with him, their arms still linked. They both crossed their legs and Leia put a hand on his knee, and he put his other hand on top of it. The real one; few could tell the difference between real skin and synthskin, but Leia could.
"Tell me what happened, Luke," Leia said softly, though she didn't want to hear. "Tell me what you've been through."
She put her head on his shoulder and soon he rested his own head against hers. She could feel him breathing as they stared into the ashes of a monster…their father.
"He saved me, Leia," Luke whispered, and she became tense. "I succeeded. I brought him back to the good side. Back to the Light."
She didn't say anything at first. Her first, absolute reaction was that Luke only thoughthe had succeeded. She didn't doubt that her brother spoke the truth, or at least what he thought was the truth, but she also knewthat Vader had notrace of redemption in his body—or even prosthetics. So what made Luke say so, think so? Was her brother in some state of denial? Or illusion?
"How?" she asked cautiously, wanting to better know the situation before she started arguing.
"To save me," Luke answered in that same soft, reverent voice. "The Emperor tried to kill me. So Vader turned against him—to save me."
"Is that how he died?" Leia said flatly, staring into the embers but not seeing anything.
"Yes." Luke's voice lost that hopeful tone, now sorrowful. Leia clenched her teeth, hoping Luke couldn't feel it. Vader didn't deserveLuke's sorrow. He deserved nothing but pain and death, not praise and pity. Not…love.
"Or…maybe not," Luke interrupted her thoughts. "Maybe that's not what killed him. …Maybe it was the Dark Side that forced him to live like that for so long. That suit was painful for him, Leia." She felt Luke shift. "He was never without pain. I could always feel it in him, with the Force. But once he turned…it vanished. He was at peace."
Leia realized suddenly that there was no stench of burned flesh in the air. She was quite used to it from previous Rebel funerals and other unpleasant circumstances, so she knew it well. It was a miserable, choking scent, but there was no trace of it now. They were rather close to the fire, and Vader's body had been burned not long ago. Not that she wantedto inhale it, but her brow furrowed as she tried to puzzle it out.
"He's not in there," Luke said suddenly.
Leia pulled away from her brother's shoulder to look at his face. "What?"
"The suit. He's not in it. It's just the prosthetics, leather, machinery, and armor. No body."
Leia blinked a few times. "Then…where is he?"
"One with the Force," Luke answered. "His body disappeared the moment he died."
Leia vaguely remembered Luke telling her that when Obi-Wan Kenobi had died, his body had vanished into the Force in a similar fashion. At the time, she had dismissed it as some weird mourning denial and hadn't said anything. Later, she had decided it was more Jedi-jumbo. Either way, it didn't exactly affect her or seem harmful to Luke, so she stayed silent. Now it was more concerning.
"How did you know I was thinking that?" Leia asked instead.
Luke smiled sheepishly. "I'm sorry. It's the Force. Ever since we were both made aware that we're related, a Force Bond awakened. I sense your thoughts. With some training, you'll know mine. If you don't already."
Leia hesitated. She'd always been good at guessing at what Luke was thinking. She had assumed it was just a twin thing, once she knew they were related. Now…
She looked down at her hands. She had the Force.
From Vader.
Such power, something so rare in the Galaxy, something so valuable. In the last few years, she had, more than once, been envious of Luke's power with it. Yet she didn't want anything from Vader.
"I had a Bond with Vader, too," Luke went on, not seeing her inner thoughts now, apparently. Whatever he had been doing to read them, he wasn't doing it now. To be polite, she guessed. "He reached out to me so many times once it was activated."
Bespin,Leia thought, pieces snapping together in her head. He found out at Bespin. That explained a lot. Luke hadn't just been defeated; his whole worldview, his whole identity, had been flipped upside down. His idolized Jedi father had been morphed into the hated Lord Vader. She scowled at the dead fire; Vader couldn't have just let Luke be.
"Your Bond with him is gone now?" Leia asked, her voice dead.
"Not…exactly," Luke cautioned.
Leia turned to him, her eyes fierce now. "What?" she said in a cold voice.
Luke lifted his hand away from hers to put it on his chest. "He came back to the Light, Leia. He's a part of me now. Even in death, I feel him near. I've finally found him…found Anakin Skywalker, my father."
"He is notyour father," Leia hissed.
Luke didn't say anything. He knew better. Leia hadn't gone into detail about everything Vader had done, but Luke knew it all. The torture Vader had put her through, the way he had held her back and forced her to watch as her planet was destroyed, how he had hunted her, how he had made her come to watch as he froze Han in carbonite just as she had realized how much it would hurt to lose that insufferable laser-brain…
He is not my father,is what she truly meant.
Luke didn't look at her. He reached forward towards the glowing ashes, and held his hand out. There was a shift in the energy of the air, and the remains shifted. As if drawn magnetically, a shape snapped up from the ashes and into Luke's hand.
Vader's helmet.
It had survived the fire fairly well. It must be made out of some strong material, maybe duasteel. It was shriveled, the eye holes lopsided and empty, the mouthpiece broken like misshapen teeth, cracks and melted metal all through the head.
Leia wanted to rekindle the fire and thrown it in again, back where it belonged. Or maybe just crush it with her very hands, if she could. Or better yet, borrow Luke's lightsaber… Obliterate what remained of Vader just as he had obliterated so many other lives in the Galaxy.
"We should bury this," Luke said.
Something in Leia snapped. She stood up abruptly and looked down at her brother. "Why do you care?" she asked. "How can you care, after all he's done? How can you forgivehim? How can you lo—"
She cut herself off, unable to finish. Luke's blue eyes swam with pity and disappointment. She couldn't take it. She turned her gaze away, to the infinite trees around them.
"I'm going for a walk," Leia said. There was no way she'd get to sleep now.
She could feelLuke's confusion. Had Vader been able to feel her emotions, all those times before?
"By yourself?" Luke asked. "There could still be Imperials out there that we haven't rounded up yet."
"Good," Leia said, turning to leave. She headed for one of the ladders that would lead her back to the ground. "I feel like punching something."
OOO
Endor was loud, but not loud enough to drown out the sound of her thoughts. No, the instrumental insects, nickering night birds, and croaking amphibians were no match for her mind. She paced through the dark greenery, not paying any attention as to where she was going or for how long.
Why did Luke care? What was Vader worth, besides pain, heartache, and suffering? That man—that creature—that monster—had killed thousands across the Galaxy. Rebels, innocents, children, even his own men.Who he didn't kill, he left in a worse state. Slavery, submission, he kept his black boot crushing against the back of everyone's neck. Who could escape his reach when he decided to reach out and kill you? He was so practiced in massacres, cutting down people with his blood-red lightsaber, crushing their throats, snapping their necks, tearing apart their minds…
Why should she care? She already had parents she loved, parents he had helped take from her. She had never felt an empty hole where a mother and father should be, because it had been filled perfectly, until they'd been torn away. She had occasionally mused as to who her biological parents might have been and what they might have been like, but they were dead, so she had cast such thoughts off. She only had that one memory of her mother, but again, what did it matter anymore?
Luke was hurt. He was mourning. Even now, she could easily feel his pain, his sorrow. She remembered how he had broken into pieces after Bespin, almost fallen completely apart. Now he was latched onto this idea that Vader was a hero, that Vader had saved him. Vader wasn't capable of such things. Vader didn't deserve anything from Luke; not his sorrow, not his praise, not his care.
Leia finally sat down at the foot of a tree. An insect crawled up her leg, but she paid it no mind. She hugged her knees and stared into space for what felt like an eternity.
"Leia."
Leia's head snapped up and she drew the blaster always hooked to her side, swinging it around to the source of the voice.
The sight that met her was one of the strangest she'd ever encountered, and that was saying someone. An unfamiliar man stood only a few feet away. Leia's trained eye immediately scanned him for signs of threat, but he wore no weapon in his robes. He looked a few years past his prime, forty or so, with dark hair that was peppered with greys and a few wrinkles on his face.
But that wasn't the strange part. The strange part was that he was glowing.His entire body, clothing and all, was tinged blue and glowed faintly like the light of a moon. He made no move as she leveled her blaster at him, no look of fear or caution. He only watched her, almost sadly.
He was silent as Leia's forehead furrowed, trying to figure this out. She saw no weapons, he didn't seem like a threat, but…
"What areyou?" Leia asked, wondering if she'd finally gone insane.
"Luke told you about Force-ghosts, correct?" the man asked.
Leia thought back. After Hoth, Luke had vanished for weeks. He had later told her, as he was recovering from Bespin, that he had been visited by Obi-Wan Kenobi in form of a ghost and told to visit a secret Jedi Master. Leia had nodded kindly, because Luke had been high on pain meds at the time, but she couldn't argue with the fact that Luke had somehow found a hidden teacher. When he had shown up at Bespin, he had been far more practiced with the Force…but ghosts?
She was starting to have some concerns about the Jedi lifestyle and beliefs that her brother was following. Yet she couldn't really object when one was right in front of her.
"Are you Obi-Wan Kenobi?" she asked.
The man's mouth twisted unpleasantly. "No."
Well, that was the only Jedi she knew. "Some other Jedi?"
The man hesitated for a beat. "Yes."
Leia did not miss his wavering. He wasn't telling her the full truth. But frankly, she didn't care about it right now. She dropped the blaster to her side. "I'm not in the mood to chat right now. So what do you want?"
"To talk."
Great.
"Come back later," Leia said, gesturing the blaster as if to shoo him away.
"I think you need my help."
She snorted. "No offense, but how can you help me?" Normally she would be more polite than this, but she was completely drained at the moment. Tired and angry—not a good combination.
"I can give you answers," he said.
She narrowed her eyes, not trusting him. She was already fairly sure he had lied to her once. "About what?"
"About your father."
She paused, thinking that over for a moment. It might be a good idea to understand what her brother had gone through, through another perspective. She didn't have to believe this stranger. "Are you going to tell me that Vader really did save him, and turned back to the Light?"
The man was quiet for a few seconds. "He did," the ghost answered softly. "Vader saw Luke in danger, and that was all that mattered. He would have torn apart the Galaxy to save him."
Leia snorted. "You don't know Vader like I did."
Leia might have imagined it, but she thought she saw a flicker of a smile on his lips. "No, but I know what happened. He did turn back to the Light…for his family."
Leia sneered. "So what? I forgive him? I wipe all that happened away? I swoon with admiration and grief and mourn that thing—"the ghost flinched as she spat the word "—that ruined my life?"
The ghost was silent, but now Leia was on a roll. "I'm glad he's dead," she said, nails digging into her palms. "I'm glad he's finally gone. I hope it was painful. I don't care that he's my father. There is nothing that could ever make up for all he's done. Not even death."
Force, it felt good to say this. Leia didn't get to complain often; as a leader of the Rebellion and a princess, she was on a pedestal. She had to wear a mask of sureness and confidence. If she let anyone see that she was human just as the rest of them, they wouldn't follow her. But who would this ghost tell? If he could only be seen by Force-sensitives, that only meant Luke, and Luke knew this.
The ghost looked so dejectednow. Rage was coursing through Leia's veins like never before. She felt powerful. She felt free. He was finally gone, finally out of her life, and he could never hurt her again.
"He was a different person before he fell, you know," the ghost said, but Leia could tell his heart wasn't in it. "He loved others. Others loved him."
"Oh, he was such a great guy,"Leia hissed. "I should mourn him through secondhand sorrow, as if that mattered more than how I knew him. How gloomy that he died when he was a nice person forever ago. Before I was even born."
"Leia—" the ghost's voice cracked, jolting her out of her rage and she realized he was crying. Tears were pouring down his pale, blue skin.
He had blue eyes, she realized. It wasn't just the glow. He had blue eyes, just like Luke's.
"Leia," he said again. "I am so sorry."
And then it all snapped together. Who this man was before her. Who she had been speaking to. Oh, Force, he wasn't dead, he was still here.Still haunting her, even in death.
She swung up the blaster again and shot him.
He flinched, but it wasn't a reaction of fear—more at the unleashing of her rage. It passed right through him and singed a tree behind. Birds above squawked in alarm and took off, startled. Insects burst from the bushes, trying to escape.
Leia shot again. And again. And again.
The ghost—Vader, he's Vader, that's Vader—fell to his knees, but not in pain. Not because he was hurt.
Leia eventually ran out of charges. When she did, she didn't feel any better, any more safe or avenged. So she stormed up to him and fought in another way; with words.
"How dare you come here," Leia snarled, spitting next to where his hands clenched the ground. "How dare you lie to me, try to manipulateme. You think, that because you died, you suddenly get forgiveness? That suddenly, because you were once a hero, none of your crimes matter?" She leaned down. "You were a villain. Every is gladthat you died. No one will mourn you. They'll only remember the pain that you caused."
Vader was sobbing right now. He didn't deserve this peaceable form. He had spent the last twenty years in a suit that was built to terrify and threaten. "It wasn't that simple," Vader wept. "So much happened—so much I couldn't control. So many people I loved died, and I couldn't save them. I made the best choices I thought I could at the time. I thought—"
Leia laughed, a cold, dark laugh. "You thought murder and genocide were your best choices? You thought what you were doing was right?"
Slowly, Vader shook his head, his tears dripping down to the ground below. "No. I knew it was wrong. I just didn't care anymore."
"What kind of monster areyou?" Leia said with disgust. "Where you didn't care so much that you never paid any mind to anyone else's suffering? That you caused so much pain? You were truly thatapathetic?"
"I gave so much," Vader was almost incoherent through his sobs. "I fought for the Republic. I fought for the Jedi. I killed for them. I would have died for them, to protect the people I loved. Happily, I would have. I only wanted herto live."
"Her?" Leia repeated, eyebrows furrowing. Then it dawned on her. "The sad woman. Our mother."
What kind of crazy woman ever loved him?
Vader nodded. "I lost my mother. I lost my padawan, who was like a sister to me. I lost friends in the Clone Wars. I couldn't lose her."
Leia wasn't moved. "So you made everyone else suffer?" she snarled.
"I only wanted—"
She barked another laugh. "Don't tell me this. Don't think you can explain it all away. Don't try to convince me that you had some light in you, that it isn't all black and white. In all the grey areas of the Galaxy, you're the darkest there is."
"Please," he whispered, turning up to look at her. "I know. I know this. I want to make it up somehow—I want to try,even if it's impossible."
"It's not," Leia said coldly. "Even if there were, forgiveness is my choice, and I'd never give it to you. After all you put me through…it's not possible. Stop pretending. Don't say that after everything you've done, that it didn't all happen, that you—" Leia's voice rose, starting to shout, "—that YOU WERE NOT THE MONSTER THAT I KNEW!"
He recoiled from her like she had ripped off a limb. Blood was pounding in her ears. She clutched her own head, unable to take her own fury that felt like her very bones were made of lava. "Just GO AWAY!"
He vanished.
She turned and started ripping apart the ivy, the bushes, the leaves around her. Tearing them apart in an attempt to get out the wrathful energy.
When Leia came back to herself, shredded leaves around her, the forest was completely silent.
She started walking again. She just wanted to be sure—to be absolutely certain—that he was away from her. She couldn't take him anymore. She wanted him dead, morethan dead, since apparently death wasn't enough to stop him. Why couldn't her real parents have come to her as ghosts? She would have traded him for them in a heartbeat.
At some point she started crying. The rage gave out on itself and suddenly she burst forth in racking sobs and fell to her knees, sobbing as badly as Vader had been crying before her. She wasn't even sure why she was crying. She should be happy. She had defeated the Empire, destroyed the second Death Star, won the war and still had friends and loved ones who survived, and got to scream all her rage out at the one who was responsible. She had brought him to his knees, in tears before her, hurting him as much as he had hurt her.
Why didn't she feel better?
Why does Luke love him?Leia found herself wondering. Why does he care?
She lost her sense of time again. She was starting to wipe the tears away when she realized she wasn't alone. There was a transparent blue hand resting on her shoulder with no weight, and a person sitting next to her.
She lurched away, heart leaping to her throat as she thought it was Vader. She fell back on the ground, hand going for her empty blaster, when she froze. The man who sat before her was not Darth Vader, in suit or in form.
This man was even older, wrinkled and grey-headed, with a trimmed beard, a bit shorter than Vader. He wore the same style of robes, though—Jedi?
He said nothing, just watched her. Leia broke the silence once she caught her breath. "Is this going to be a usual thing now? I'm going to be stalked by glowing dead people?"
The man gave her an amused smile. "I wouldn't like that much, either." He sat on his knees and folded his robed arms before him. "There aren't that many of the Jedi who learned how to do this, so no. You aren't going to be haunted for the rest of your life." His smile became more sad. "Though I doubt this will be the last time you encounter one of us."
"Great," muttered Leia. "So who are you now?"
"I'm Obi-Wan Kenobi," he answered calmly, and Leia straightened up. She had never met Obi-Wan, but heard quite a bit from both Luke and her father. He had died mere minutes before he would have encountered her on the Death Star. Admittedly, his distraction of Vader had saved her and her friends' lives.
"So I guess Luke wasn't just high when he told me he saw your ghost," Leia observed. She thought for a moment. "That, or I'm just as crazy."
Obi-Wan shrugged. "Welcome to the Jedi."
Leia narrowed her eyes. "So why are you here?" She laced her voice with sarcasm. "Here to give me 'answers' about my dear old Dad? Here to make me forgive him?"
Obi-Wan shook his head slowly. "No, I hate him about as much as you."
Leia watched him skeptically, trying to see how this could be a trap. This was Luke's teacher, and her father's –Bail, only Bail—old friend, so he should be trustworthy enough. But the politician, Rebel, and spy in her were all unsure.
"Do tell," she said, still trying to determine whether or not she should believe a single word out of his mouth.
Obi-Wan huffed. "Tell? His crimes are legendary."In the folds of his robe, Leia saw the fabric tighten as Obi-Wan fisted in hands. "He wiped out the Jedi. The culture that raised him, the culture that raised me.He killed us; Master, Knight, and youngling, and destroyed anything that reminded him of us. Our knowledge, our creations, our legacy. Almost all of it is gone, he left only broken pieces behind him." Obi-Wan looked up at the sky. "My people are gone."
Leia stared at him, and it dawned on her that the Jedi might be some of the few people in the Galaxy who could understand her pain of Alderaan. The Jedi hadn't been linked to a planet, they might not have been a race, but they were still a culture. They were still their own society of common values, ideals, and beliefs that they passed down and shared with one another. Vader had wiped them out, too.
He seemed very good at that.
"I'm sorry," Leia said softly, and she meant it.
He gave her a sad smile that said he understood.
"I don't know why he did it," Obi-Wan went on. "He was one of us. He was like a brother to me. I loved him."
Leia stared for a moment, wanting to cast off Obi-Wan for ever loving Vader,but then, her own brother apparently loved him, too. She couldn't just cut someone off for it. And Obi-Wan had said not long ago that he hated Vader now.
She remembered what Vader had told her. "Apparently he did it for our mother," Leia said dryly. Not that that was an excuse, or even a reason. Only the answer he had given.
Obi-Wan nodded solemnly. "Yes. He once loved fiercely, and would have torn apart the Galaxy for her…he did, actually."
Torn apart the Galaxy.Just what Vader had said. It wasn't just a dramatic phrase.
"He caused so much suffering for just one person," Leia growled, clenching her fists.
Obi-Wan tilted his head. "How much do you love your brother?"
Leia froze.
Obi-Wan went on. "Or your friends, like that Wookie or those droids? Or the smuggler?"
Leia didn't answer. Because she loved them more than she could ever say. More than blood in her veins, she loved them. She'd lost her planet, her family, her people, she would destroy everything in the Galaxy to keep what she had left.
Exactly like Vader had done.
"You're like him, in that regard," Obi-Wan commented.
She looked up at him, knowing he had read her thoughts, one way or another. "I didn't kill innocents in my rage," she argued. "I wasn't indifferent to other people's suffering."
"But would you have been, if you lost everything?"
Leia bared her teeth at the ghost. "I thought you said you hated him."
"I do hate Vader," Obi-Wan said flatly. "I gave him everything in me, and he threw it all away. He was my brother, and he destroyed all I had worked for. I thought he was the Chosen One, I had faith that he would save us all, and instead he destroyed us."
"What is it you're trying to do?" Leia asked directly. This Obi-Wan character seemed to dance around the point, and she honestly had no idea what he was trying to tell her.
"Confront the truth," Obi-Wan said plainly. "I haven't for a very long time." He sighed. "Did you know that when Anakin turned to the Dark Side and became Vader, I told myself he had died? I pretended that he and Vader were two separate people, because I couldn't imagine that the brother I had loved so much…had done so much evil?"
It was a grieving tactic. Leia was familiar with many, seeing them in Rebels and in other surviving Alderaanians.
"So you're trying to put them together now?" Leia asked.
"Maybe," Obi-Wan said cryptically. "Maybe not. The Dark Side twists the mind, changing the heart and shifting the self."
Leia's mouth twisted. "So he gets an excuse because he was under its influence?"
Obi-Wan shook his head. "No. He made those choices himself. But he did do something impossible. No one has ever turned back to the Light Side. Vader did, to save Luke."
"One good moment doesn't balance out all the evil he's done!"
"Luke would have died without him doing so," Obi-Wan pointed out, and Leia's breath caught.
Luke would have been dead. She would have lost him. She'd been ducking away from that idea for hours now, thinking it was some lie, some manipulation, but suddenly it became plain as day. How, she didn't know, she hadn't been there, and didn't completely trust the people who had. But whether it was the Force or some other instinct, she knew.
She would have lost her brother. So soon after discovering him, she would have lost him. Luke, who she knew better than her own bones, would have died. If that had happened, some part of her would have died too.
"Luke loves him," Leia found herself saying. "Forgiveness is a choice, and Luke has chosen to forgive him and to love him. I wish he didn't, but he does." Leia's hands became fists again. "It hurts Luke how much I hate Vader. I would double my own pain to take away his. I can't let him bear it." She looked at Obi-Wan. "Will you teach me how to shield my hate from him?"
He watched her for a moment, then nodded.
OOO
It was daylight when Leia returned. Morning still, but daylight. She could safely see where she was going and spot the Ewok treehouses overhead. Many of the Rebels were up and about; some still were celebrating, overjoyed that they had finally defeated the unconquerable Empire. Others were starting to wind down and bury the ashes of the dead, pack up their weaponry, and handle the prisoners. Others were still out cold.
Leia should be moving, too. She should take command and start ordering everyone around, organizing their forces. But instead she followed her heart to where Luke was.
On her way, she found that unfamiliar feeling of relief slowly creep into her. She felt like she hadn't had a moment of victory in ages, though of course, she'd been celebrating only last night. It felt odd to have such a disastrous night and come back to some semblance of peace. The Empire was crumbling, the Emperor was dead, Vader was mostlydead, and her friends were alive. They were all safe. The only one who still worried her was Luke.
She found him kneeling on the ground on the edge of the Ewok village. Vader's mask rested at the foot of a tree in front of him. She sat down next to him. He said nothing.
She spoke first. "Did Vader visit you last night?"
"Yes," he answered, still staring at the mask. "After he went to see you."
Thatcaught Leia by surprise. She had reduced Vader to quite a state. Had he recomposed himself by the time he saw Luke?
Luke turned to her. "You have shields in your mind," he noted.
She shrugged. "I was also visited by Obi-Wan Kenobi. He taught me."
Luke's face twisted with guilt. "I'm sorry I intruded on your mind, Leia—"
Leia caught his hand in hers. "No," she said firmly. "I have nothing to hide from you, Luke. I can share anything with you. You are welcome in my mind. I just…" she trailed off, trying to think of how to explain herself. "I get angry," she said finally. "I get angry a lot. And I don't want you to have to deal with that every time."
Luke smiled and tightened his fingers around hers. "Your anger is one of the things I love about you."
"You love everything about me," she shot back playfully.
"True," he teased back. But then that happiness vanished, and Luke's eyes flickered to Vader's helmet.
Leia bit her lip. "What did Vader tell you?"
"It doesn't matter," Luke said.
"Luke," Leia sighed. "It's bothering you. I know. Please. I want to help you."
He was quiet for a while. Finally, he said, "Father doesn't think we should talk."
Leia creased her eyebrows. "What?"
"Father thinks he doesn't deserve me. So he's going to stay away." Luke's voice was void of emotion, but Leia felthis hurt and betrayal.
Leia didn't understand why Luke loved Vader, but the fact that he didwas undeniable. Luke had walked into the belly of the Empire, turned himself in to Vader's grasp, left his friends, to go to Vader's side. Because he thought there was Light in his father, he risked everything. And now he had succeeded in bringing out that Light, in saving Vader…and Vader wanted to stay away.
"That's the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard," Leia said flatly. "What a load of—" She spat a particularly nasty Corellian swear word.
Luke looked at her, startled. "Leia!"
"It's the truth," she snapped. She rose her voice. "HEY! VADER! Come out, you coward! I know you can hear me! Get over here before I drag you over!"
Luke started to laugh. "You can't drag a Sith Lord," he giggled. "Or a ghost, for that matter. Besides, he's twice your size."
"He's not thattall," Leia said, insulted, before returning her glare to the trees above. "HELLLLOOOOO?"
"Leia," Luke said, now starting to look a little worried. "Everyone will hear you."
Leia didn't care. "I WANT TO TALK TO YOU! GET OUT HERE, YOU PHANTOM MENACE!"
Vader materialized at the foot of the tree, by his mask. Both Luke and Leia jumped a little, not expecting him to suddenly appear so close, even as he kept his distance.
"How long have you been there?" Luke asked.
"I only came when I felt Leia call," Vader answered, seeming unsure of all things. "I…I don't want to invade."
Leia had to admit, she was glad he was that considerate, a least. He wasn't going to watch them as an invisible force; now that would be a nightmare. She put her fists on her hips. "What's this nonsense about staying away from Luke?"
Vader ducked his head, but he was still far taller than Leia, even when they were sitting down. "You were right, Le—Your Highness," he whispered. "I don't deserve forgiveness. Or either of you. I should let you be."
In all honesty, Leia wantedVader to stay away from Luke. Vader was dangerous, even as a ghost Leia didn't trust him, and she wanted her brother protected. But Luke wanted to know his father, to know Vader. He had redeemed Vader to the Light. It would kill Luke to have gotten so close to his father, only to have Vader keep back.
Leia watched Vader, towering before them even as he bowed, even as he was seated. Waiting for their judgement like a saber coming down on his neck so he could again disappear into oblivion. Luke said nothing, waiting for her.
"You're right," Leia said finally. "You don't." She leaned forward, forcing his downcast eyes to meet hers. "You asked me what you could possibly do to earn forgiveness. I told you it was impossible, but you said you wanted to try." She stared into those blue eyes, just like Luke's. "This is it. Be the father Luke wants you to be. You don't get to just run away. Let him know you. Let him have his father for a change."
Leia heard Luke suck in a breath through his teeth.
Vader stared at her. "Truly?"
"Truly."
He hesitated for another moment. "And you?"
Leia thought long and hard about it. When she spoke, her words were final. "I'll tolerate you, for Luke. He's been through enough that he deserves this."
Luke took Leia's hand. "Leia, you've been through enough, too. I don't want you to suffer either."
She nudged him with her elbow. "I'll be fine, Luke. I know how much you want this."
Every ghostly muscle in Vader's body was tense. "I do not deserve this."
Leia glared at him. "You want it though, don't you? You love him?"
"I love you both," Vader said, sounding so yearning, so truthful. "I want to be with my family more than anything I've ever wanted in this Galaxy."
Leia didn't buy it. "Don't lie," she snarled, and Vader flinched back. "I was right in the heart of the Empire, right in front of you for years.You never discovered me, never paid attention to me. No, instead, you torturedme and everyone I love."
"I know," whispered Vader. "If I had known—"
"You didn't."
"If I had known," Vader pressed on, "I would have done the same for you as I did Luke. Do not doubt it. I would have torn apart the Galaxy if I had known of your existence, Leia."
Leia went quiet. Just like she would do for her loved ones.
They really were alike. Leia didn't agree with what he had done, but she could understand it. And that bridge of understanding, of how they each knew how dedicated they were to their loved ones…well, bridges connect.
At her lack of response, Vader bowed his head again. "I will do as you ask, Leia." She felt Luke beam beside her, and soon Vader was smiling too. "I am here for you, Luke."
As they looked at each other, father and son, Leia thought that though she had never seen Vader face-to-face, she knew he had never made that expression of pure love and devotion. No, this wasn't Vader.
This was Anakin Skywalker.