Author's Note:
This is turning into a terrible cliché, but I stopped caring awhile ago. Sometimes clichés are fun, and I desperately need to not take my writing seriously for a hot minute. My novel is driving me insane, lmao. Writing is hard.

VI.

"Do not start with her. If you heed no other warning of mine, please, heed that one."

Yennefer's words turned over in Triss' mind as she unsuccessfully tried to focus on her thesis. She had finished the practical application, and Geralt had gone back to wherever it was that he came from with an arsenal of glyphs that made his signs exponentially more powerful. Triss was quite proud of herself, and equally excited because the closer she came to finishing this project, the closer she was to leaving Aretuza with Philippa. The one thing she did miss was Yennefer, who had left with Geralt. Triss knew she would be back, as she always was, but because Triss would soon be leaving Aretuza, their parting held more finality than Triss would have liked.

She missed her terribly.

The large library of Aretuza was practically deserted outside of Triss, who had an endless amount of books and papers spread across the table she had claimed as her own. It was the weekend. Most of the students liked to spend their free time doing something other than studying, but not Triss. She felt like she was on a deadline, and she didn't want to delay for fear of disappointing Philippa.

"You know, you never say hi to me anymore. I'm beginning to feel insulted."

Triss pulled herself out of her staring contest with the wall to lay eyes on Keira Metz, another student who was a handful of years older than her and on the cusp of graduating. Because she had done so well in school for many years, Keira seemed to be treating this final year like some kind of vacation and was barely around. They were roommates, but Triss could not remember the last time she saw Keira sleep in her own bed.

"You're never around. Can you please get off my papers?" Triss asked after she watched the woman hop up on the table, ignoring the chair next to her. "I'm trying to finish my thesis."

Keira ignored her request. She picked one of the grapes that Triss had been snacking on off of its stem, popping it in her mouth.

"Is it true you're fucking Philippa Eilhart?" she asked, her mouth full.

"What? No. Who's saying that?"

Keira swallowed. "Everyone. You are her new apprentice, aren't you?" She still did not move from her place on the desk, and Triss narrowed her eyes in irritation.

"This may shock you, but sex and education do not always go hand-in-hand," Triss responded curtly. "Despite how often I've heard you've indulged in it, on school property no less."

Keira was… well, certainly not a virgin, and definitely not shy. It was her influence that made Triss sneak away from Aretuza for the sole reason of indulging in a rendezvous with a boy who ended up breaking her heart and, ever since then, Triss had tried to stay away from her. She didn't want to be talked into something else that might end up hurting her.

Keira, however, outright laughed at her claim.

"Oh come on, everyone knows she fucks her students."

Gods, Triss hoped not, because then what did that say about her, if Philippa didn't want to touch her until after their academic relationship had run its course? "It's a stupid rumor, Keira. That's all."

"If you insist," the other woman conceded with a shrug. She obviously did not care that much. She took another grape, making a show of popping it off of the vine with her teeth, and Triss stared.

"Do not start with her."

Alright, perhaps the stray thought of starting with Keira of all people might be a little… well, out there, because while Triss could objectively say the woman was beautiful, she had never really thought about Keira that way before now… but Yennefer's words continued to replay in the back of Triss' mind, and she definitely did not want what happened to Yennefer to happen to her. What if she only thought she wanted to fuck Philippa, but in the end found that she wasn't particularly big on touching women in that way? That would be… that would be awful, and would no doubt come with some heavy repercussions if she lead Philippa on in the same way that Yennefer did.

Triss had to be certain.

"Do you… maybe want to get out of here?" Triss asked uncertainly, suddenly realizing she had absolutely no idea how to come on to someone. Keira glanced at her, an eyebrow quirked.

"You have never once wanted to spend time with me. What do you want?"

"That's— I mean, that's not entirely true. I snuck out of Aretuza with you once," Triss defended, suddenly feeling very foolish, and immensely out of her element. She drummed her fingers against the edge of the table, squirming uncomfortably in her seat. Keira just continued to stare at her.

"Only because I promised I could rid you of that pesky virginity of yours," Keira countered, not falling for her bullshit. "What, do you have another virginity you'd like me to help you lose? Because that is apparently all I am useful for."

It took every ounce of confidence and willpower that Triss had to say this out loud, but if she wanted this, she needed to not shy away from it.

"Yes. I do." Her voice was surprisingly steady, and Triss made sure to hold her gaze. She needed Keira to realize she was serious.

Keira looked surprised for a moment, but that quickly made way for an arrogant smirk that tugged at the corners of her lips. She leaned back on her hands, looking endlessly amused by their newfound dynamic.

"Really."

Triss tried very hard not to feel embarrassed, because if she wanted to rid herself of yet another unwanted virginity, she did not have time to play coy or be shy about it. "Look, are you interested or not?"

"I could be. What's in it for me?"

"Is fucking me not enough?" Triss asked boldly, and Keira chuckled. She finally slid off the table, but instead of sitting next to Triss, she brazenly straddled her lap. The younger woman inhaled a sharp breath, the heat of Keira's body igniting her senses and absolutely torturing her libido. Thankfully, the only other person who had been within her vicinity had packed up their study materials and left, but Triss had a feeling Keira would not have cared even if they were still there.

Keira leaned forward, her lips brushing Triss' ear. Her voice was low, sultry. It… well, it certainly did things to Triss, which was good, considering she needed to know if she was really into women, or if her crush on Philippa was just some effect of her misguided hero-worship. "We do it here. Right now."

Triss' mouth dropped open. "Here? We have a bedroom!" she hissed, scandalized. A bedroom that they shared, no less, so it wasn't like would be disturbing anyone else.

"Yes, here. I want to make this interesting for me, after all. That is my counteroffer, take it or leave it."

Triss exhaled unsteadily, her gaze flickering across the expanse of the library. They seemed to be alone – at least for the time being. Triss bit her bottom lip, her heart beginning to pound unsteadily beneath her ribcage.

"Okay," she agreed, not wanting to pass up this opportunity. "Here."

Keira grinned wickedly, her fingertips sliding up the expanse of Triss' throat before she took her chin in her hand, encouraging her to face her. "Good choice," Keira breathed just as their lips touched. Triss' eyes fell closed as they kissed, trying to block out the rest of the world and the copious amount of anxieties that went with it – mainly, that someone might come in the library and catch them.

They were rather off to the side of things, but they were certainly not hidden in any way. That probably made things more exciting for Keira, who would find little fun in fucking someone so inexperienced if not for this, but it was utterly distracting for Triss. She tried to ignore it, to just sink into the feeling of kissing a woman who, she noticed, was so much softer and gentler than a man—

Keira's teeth sunk into Triss' bottom lip, and the young woman hissed in pain and unexpected desire as her fingers curled tightly into the fabric of Keira's brightly-colored shirt. A fresh wave of arousal dampened her undergarments and, alright, Keira was still softer than a man, at any rate.

Triss's breathing had begun to labor in anticipation as the other woman's lips dragged across the expanse of her jaw, to the underside of her ear. "Do you want to know what a woman tastes like, Triss?" Keira asked, her hot breath eliciting goosebumps across the back of Triss' neck. Her breathing shallowed, her mouth went dry, and she eagerly nodded because yes, she really, really did…

Keira's hand fell between their bodies and she shifted on top of her. Triss caught her gaze, her chest feeling hollow from the lack of air inside her lungs. Keira grinned wickedly through a half-bitten bottom lip, and when she moved once more it was to allow her hand to come out from under her long, flowing skirt, her middle and forefinger coated in her desire. Triss' eyes widened, her heartbeat becoming more erratic as she stared at the offering before her.

A part of her was terrified that she wouldn't like it.

"Go on," Keira encouraged, and Triss inhaled an unsteady breath. She took another moment before she allowed the tip of her tongue to just gently graze the other woman's fingers. It was gently bitter, yet at the same time resembled something almost sweet. It was unlike anything Triss had ever tasted before and before she could think about it, she quickly enveloped both of Keira's fingers into her mouth, causing her to groan in approval as Triss sucked the last of the flavor off of them.

"My turn."

Triss had barely gotten comfortable with that before Keira was onto the next thing. The woman slid off her lap and down to the floor. She settled on her knees under the table, and suddenly there were hands pushing the hem of Triss' dress upwards until it bunched at her waist. "Someone is going to see—" Triss tried breathlessly, because this left them much more exposed than their previous position, but Keira did not seem to care.

"Relax. No one comes in the library on the weekends outside of overachievers like you."

Well, that wasn't true at all considering Triss had not been the only person in there earlier, but as Keira pulled the damp fabric away from her thighs and discarded it on the floor behind her, Triss realized that as terrifying as this was, she did not want to say no. Keira pushed her legs up, encouraging her to rest them on the edge of the table as she kept them spread, and just the look on Keira's face as she was presented with her prize made Triss flush in need, her confidence rising substantially. She felt… she felt sexy. Desirable.

"Fine, just— do it quickly…"

Triss had to bite the skin on the back of her hand once Keira's mouth covered the apex of her thighs. Her eyes fell closed, and she was careful to only breathe in and out of her nose so as to not make any noise and alert any passersby to what was going on. Keira was… well, she was much better at this than that boy Piotr was. Even still, Triss had a hard time keeping her mind on what was going on. It kept wandering, causing the hands that spread her thighs to no longer be pale, but touched with olive… the hazel eyes that would glance up ever so often between her thighs faded until they were colored an inky black, the mess of blonde hair darkening and twisting into a long braid down her back…

"Ph—Fuck…"

Gods, she almost said her name. That was in no way fair to the woman between her thighs, but then again, Keira probably did not care. Triss was just another notch on her bedpost, but to Triss she was an experiment that, well… was going rather favorably, because she was definitely, definitely into women; just not the one who was fucking her in that moment.

Suddenly, Triss realized that she felt different. It was hard to explain, but it felt as though her desire was being… echoed, almost. It intensified the feeling quite a bit, and Triss had to stifle a desperate moan as she pushed her hips closer to Keira's face, her hand weaving in a mess of blonde hair. The other woman responded by sucking hard on her clit, and Triss swore, her entire chest flushing a deep red as she struggled to keep her breathing steady.

"Girls!"

Triss's entire life flashed before her eyes.

It seemed like forever that Triss was frozen in fear before Keira pushed herself away from her, coming up from underneath the desk to innocently smile at Tissaia de Vries, who was standing no more than five feet away from them with her hands on her hips. Of all the people in Aretuza who could have caught them, why, why did it have to be her…?

"Oh, hello, Archmistress. Lovely day."

"Keira, we have spoken about this." Somehow, Triss was not surprised. But then Tissaia turned to the second guilty culprit, who was hastily trying to grab her undergarments off the floor and straighten her dress, her entire face as red as a tomato. "Triss… I expected better from you."

Nothing could have cut deeper than that, and Triss was deeply, deeply ashamed of herself. She hung her head, knowing she deserved whatever was about to come next. Yennefer had warned her about getting distracted by her crush on Philippa, and now look what happened. She had gotten caught fucking a woman in the middle of the library soley because she needed to rid herself of her virginity for Philippa's sake. Or perhaps for her own. Either way, the entire ordeal was completely centered around Philippa, and that was the crux of the problem.

She should have known better. She should have listened.

"Both of you, come with me."

[x]

Triss was mortified.

She had no idea how Philippa knew what was going on, but she wasn't in Tissaia's office for very long before her Mistress strode in dramatically, nearly banging the doors off their hinges before she pointed at Triss and told her, "You. Wait me for outside. I will deal with whatever this is." Tissaia did not seem pleased that Triss had an advocate that had no problem not only interrupting, but ordering her students around. Whatever she said to Philippa was lost to Triss as she immediately did as was ordered and left.

The two women were in there for a very long time.

Finally, the door to Tissaia's office opened. "Follow me," Philippa instructed without sparing her so much as a glance, and Triss dipped her head in shame and trailed behind her without a word. When they finally got to Philippa's office, the other woman closed the door behind them and ordered, "Sit."

Triss sat.

"You are lucky that this did not affect your returning to Redania with me," Philippa began. Triss opened her mouth to apologize, but Philippa held up her hand, silencing her. "When I want you to speak, I will tell you. For now, you will listen. Understood?"

Triss pursed her lips tightly, nodding her compliance. She felt so terribly small.

"The only reason you are still being allowed to accompany me is because I assured your Headmistress that it will certainly not be fun by any stretch of the imagination. However, I assure you your displeasure during your time with me will only be due to the intense training I will have you endure, and only because I believe you can handle it."

Triss swallowed, but pride swelled in her stomach regardless of Philippa's warning. The woman believed her capable of handling whatever she threw at her, and that overshadowed whatever 'displeasures' Philippa believed she would be inflicting upon her. Not that Triss believed anything that she taught her could be difficult to the point of causing any major discomfort. She loved learning, and the harder it was, the more satisfaction Triss got from overcoming the obstacle.

"Furthermore, as my apprentice, you will also accompany me to the end of the harvest season banquet," Philippa told her. "You will dress up, you will drink, and you will have fun. You will not, however, fuck someone in a public space again. What you do reflects on me, and I will not have you embarrassing me like that again. Is that understood?" A beat of silence, then, "You may speak now."

"Y-Yes, Mistress. Of course. I really am so—!" But Triss stopped herself before she apologized, knowing Philippa did not like it. Instead, Triss took a breath and ensured her, "I will exercise better judgment in the future."

"Good." Philippa looked at her for a long moment before she finally sat down at her desk. "While we are on this topic, there is something you need to be made aware of," she began, causing Triss' brow to crinkle in curiosity. "I was in the middle of a meeting with two other fellow mages when you were fucking that girl. If you need to, you may ask me how I know that. If you don't, I'm sure you can just imagine how that went."

Triss' eyes went wide, realizing what Philippa was implying. Her hands went over her mouth as she gasped, a bright red flush creeping up her neck to her ears. Oh Gods, she could feel…?

"I really do not appreciate nearly being brought to orgasm in front of my colleagues, Triss."

"I didn't know!" Triss exclaimed. "I didn't— Oh… oh no… you couldn't— I mean, you weren't in my mind when I…?" Please, please no. If Philippa knew she was thinking about her while she fucked Keira, she didn't know how she was going to look her in the eyes again.

"I told you I'd try to stay out of your mind, and I meant it. As I'm sure you did when you assured me the same," Philippa responded, and Triss exhaled the breath that she had held tight in her chest. "However, our empathetic connection is proving more difficult to control. It also is a completely unreliable narrator; when I felt your emotions quickly plummet into fear, I thought someone was… well, that they were doing something to you that you no longer consented to. I was not immediately made aware you had been caught by Tissaia and that was what caused your terror, so when I tried to find you, I had every intention of flaying your sexual partner alive. Thankfully, gossip spreads very quickly in this school."

"Everyone knows?"

Gods, that just made it so much worse. It also made Triss want to leave for Redania that much quicker.

"Of course everyone knows. Has there ever been anything in this school that you did not hear about?" Triss noticeably deflated. Philippa was right; everyone always knew everything in this school. Privacy was an illusion, and not even a well-kept up one. "It was the same when I was in attendance here," Philippa assured her. "A hazard of close-quarters, but not the end of the world. At least you weren't caught fucking someone reprehensible, although I do think you could have done better than someone who coerces you to have sex with them in public."

"She didn't… she didn't coerce me," Triss denied. "I needed her to sleep with me, and that's what she wanted in return. It was only fair."

Philippa stared at her. "You needed her to sleep with you?"

Oh. That sounded strange, didn't it?

"No, I didn't, of course I didn't need— I mean, who could actually need… that's ridiculous—"

Philippa sighed. "Triss. Speak plainly. I do not have the patience for your babbling, it's been a long day."

Triss sighed in defeat and slumped back into her chair. She hated that she always ended up getting herself in these predicaments. Would she ever learn to just keep her mouth shut? "I was trying to get rid of my virginity, okay?" she admitted, trying to ignore the hot mortification that crept up the back of her neck. She wouldn't look at Philippa, instead choosing to stare at the far wall. "My… virginity with a woman, anyhow."

"Why?"

Philippa asked it like she couldn't possibly fathom the reason she would want to do that, and it was so ridiculous that it almost made Triss laugh. Almost.

"It doesn't matter why, I just wanted it gone! It's private, please stop asking me about it," Triss exclaimed, not wishing to endure anymore embarrassment. And Philippa knowing that she got rid of it for her? That would… quite possibly kill her, especially since all Philippa ever did was mention that she might, possibly, one day want to fuck her. Once, probably.

Fuck. What was she doing?

"I have to go," Triss told her, suddenly very frazzled and anxious. She felt like such a disaster. Who did these kinds of things, really? She had made a mess of her life just because she desperately wanted Philippa to straddle her face This was… this was pathetic, honestly. Triss stood, intending to leave, but Philippa snatched her wrist, stilling her in her tracks.

"I'm not finished."

"Can you be?" Triss shamelessly begged as she looked back at the other woman. "This has been… one of the most embarrassing moments of my life, and I— I just need to go cry, honestly. I don't even care if that makes me sound stupid, or weak, or… I feel like I'm a fucking idiot. I'm…!"

"Shh. Stop," Philippa hushed, gently brushing the hair from the other woman's face. She cupped Triss' cheek in her hand then, her thumb brushing away the frustrated tear that had snuck out of the corner of her eye. "Stop crying, pet. You have nothing to be embarrassed about. What other people think of you does not, and will never matter. Look at me." Triss sniffled, but tried to hold back the rest of her tears as she caught her mentor's gaze.

"You do not have to feel obligated to sleep with someone," Philippa told her seriously, gently pinching her chin so she could make certain that she had Triss' full attention. "Ever. Do you understand me? And you certainly should never feel rushed to have experiences. If you had just waited, I know it would have happened organically for you, and it would have been far, far better. Believe me."

Triss searched her eyes, her throat growing dry at the implication. She wanted her so badly that there were times she could barely breathe, and just standing there was beginning to grow unbearable. She wished Philippa would just kiss her. Even if it was just for a second, even if she tossed her aside after, Triss just wanted to fall into her, just once… "I just… I needed to know," Triss admitted softly, her voice barely above a whisper. "I needed to make sure it was what I wanted."

"And was it?"

Triss' heart was beating erratically in her chest, and although there was a part of her that was terrified of Philippa, she could not tear her eyes away from her. "It would have been," she hesitantly revealed, scared to voice the truth out loud, but unable to lie to the other woman when she looked at her that way. "If only it has been with someone else."

Philippa's eyes searched hers, but her expression remained unreadable. "Well then I hope that next time, pet, it is with someone you truly desire," she told her softly, her fingertips tracing the younger woman's jaw. Her gaze lingered a little too long on Triss' lips, before she finally found her eyes again. "You are far too beautiful to settle for anything less. Remember that."

Triss' throat had gone completely dry, and when she spoke, her voice came out hoarse and strained. "—I will." Philippa stepped away from her, and something clutched at Triss' insides. "Philippa?"

She didn't know why she said her name, or why it didn't feel terrifying to do so, but she saw the other woman smile softly before she turned around, looking at her protégée expectantly. "Can we leave now?" Triss asked, suddenly desperate to get out of Aretuza. "I know I haven't finished my thesis yet, but I only have the paper to write, and—"

"I will speak to Tissaia in the morning," Philippa promised. "But considering she is always eagerly trying to get me out of her office because she detests arguing with me, I'm sure I could sway her to allow you an earlier leave. Are you certain that's what you want? Once you leave with me, Triss, you will not return here for quite some time."

"There's nothing here for me anyway," Triss told her honestly. Yennefer was gone and she had no other real friends. What was left? Her education, but that was in Philippa's hands now. It didn't make sense for her to stay here any longer.

"I want to go with you," Triss told her confidently, knowing she had never been more certain of anything else in her life. She stood up straighter, looked Philippa in the eyes, and told her point-blank, "I want to be with you. Will you take me?"

The corners of Philippa's lips upturned into a small smile, and if Triss didn't know any better, it was like the woman was proud of her.

"Anywhere you want, pet."

TBC…