Hello beautiful people !
I'm so sorry for the delays beween updates. I was having difficulties with chapter 23 and that didn't help me finalize this one. Be thankfuk for my sister, I promised her I was going to publish chapter 22 this afternoon. As I'm trying to be a woman of my word, here is your new chapter!
Just a heads up : after this chapter, we only have one, maybe two chapters left of Part One (because, yes, spoiler alert: there'll be 3 arcs in this story). I might then take some time to write several chapters in advance, before starting publishing again. But do not worry, I said I was going to finish this story, so I will. Just be patient with me! ;)
And now, here is chapter 22!
Chapter 22 - RESURGAM
"I shall rise again"
'Not again' was Bruce's first thought as he suddenly woke up from the nightmare he hated the most. This was the third time in a row this week alone. The boy shook under his cover, holding close his dear ducks and his eyes closed as he tried to calm his heartbeat. He knew by heart the crumbling skyscrapers, the strident noise, the dust filling his lungs and the smell of death. He could still feel Anna-Grace's body in his hand, the Monster's hand, laying without a breath left because of him.
Bruce knew he should tell Anna-Grace: she would comfort him, chase the fear away. But he didn't want to scare her. So much had been going on lately, good and bad, why add to her worry? He could take care of this himself. The nightmares had stopped once, when Hulk and Bruce had become friends, it could stop again, couldn't it?
In the meantime, waking up with that monster in his mind was …nightmarish. I don't like the wordplay, whispered a sullen and tired Hulk. Bruce didn't either.
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
'Hulkey-Dokey' That was what Tony had said. It went round and round, round and round, round and round, 'Hulkey-Dokey' all 'round his mind.
'Hulkey-Dokey' It had 'Hulk' in it. Was it a wordplay with 'ok', a mix of 'Okey-Dokey' and Hulk? Did Tony know about Hulk? Or was it just a plain coincidence?
Bruce's heartbeat went as fast as the light. He felt like the world was spinning…
The book we read yesterday said the correct word was 'dizzy'. We're filling dizzy.
Sometimes, Bruce hated having a second voice in his mind. Especially when said voice was a smart ass. Maybe but now's not the time to teach lessons, Hulk! My head hurt, I think I hit it against the bed while sleeping…
No, Bruce, you just have a headache…
Seriously?! You're a doctor now?!
No need to be so spiteful, Bruce, I'm you, remember? I hurt too…
Yeah, well hurt more and talk less, okay? I'm soo…
Bruce kneeled on his bed, clutching his belly and resting his head on the cover. His eyes had been closed ever since he woke up feeling, as Hulk explained, dizzy, but the spinning never stopped. Now, he felt something in his chest, like there was something stuck in his throat that wanted to come out. It was an awful feeling…
"Bambino, what's wrong?' asked a concerned Anna-Grace.
Bruce could hear the fear in her voice. Had Hulk been feeling just a little bit better, Bruce would've been graced an explanation from the other voice in his head, about how Anna-Grace's fear was certainly due to Bruce currently sitting in his bed, rolling over himself like dough half an hour after Anna-Grace had woken him up for breakfast. Since the boy was usually up and bouncing 5 minutes after said wake up time, Bruce and Hulk would've agreed the concern was legitimized. So, had Bruce himself been feeling any better, he would've answered something, anything, to cheer up his favorite person on earth. He hated scaring her.
But right now, all he could do was moan an unintelligible "don't know". It sounded more like 'oooo' but it played the part because two seconds after the whine parted his lips, Anna-Grace's fresh hand had found its way on Bruce's warm forehead, despite the boy's position, the cover and the hair stuck on the temples from the sweat.
"Oh, baby boy…" Anna-Grace's sweet voice commiserated.
The concern is still there… noted Bruce.
Probably because Anna-Grace found out we have a fever.
Yeah, probably…
That was the last though either would remember as Bruce passed out.
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Their thoughts are spiraling out. They are flashes, mixing with images so quickly the boys do not have time to see they are dreaming. And the scenes run their course, in a cascade of thoughts, pictures and feelings crashing in their consciousness that meet and part again.
'Hulkey-Dokey'
'Hulkey-Dokey'
"The world looks really small from the skyscraper windows."
"It looks even smaller when you're outside than when you're inside."
"When did I have the chance to have a view from outside a skyscraper's window?"
"Rumble, crumble, but not the cake, no rumble, crumble, the dusty, grayish kind. The sad kind."
People screaming. Crying. Running away.
"Running away from what?" "From the Giant Green Monster."
"Not everyone runs away from the Monster."
A ginger lady kneels, holding out her hand. Her voice is soothing, kind yet… scared. "Hey Big Guy, the sun's getting real low," she says.
Natalie looks in Bruce's eye and the world stops. He's happy, for once. Wait, is she standing and looking him in the eye? Bruce looks at his feet, frowning. He's standing too. When did he get so tall? He raises his head to look at Natalie again but the world fades away.
Screaming and crying again. Dust. Gray. "The world is gray. Hope ran away."
"Rumble, crumble."
"The Monster is here again."
"Mommy is crying again." She's holding him and it's difficult to breath. He almost wishes she would hug him with less strength before he remembers she's just keeping him from falling to the floor. Her arms are pressed gently around his back but she's not putting any pressure on his torso. So it's hard to breath because something inside him makes it so, not because of something outside. Probably Dad again. "It's always because of Dad…"
"Pain. There's always Pain in Life."
Hulk is holding Betty in his arms, protecting her from the thunder falling from the sky. "I scream at the lightning to fear me. I'm indestructible!"
"Wait!" "Who's Betty?"
Rain. A tomb. Mommy's name engraved on it. "What's the point in learning how to read if it's to read those kinds of words?"
Skyscrapers again. We're outside, screaming at monsters. Then we're inside, looking at the rain fall down while dearest Anna-Grace is talking with Natalie.
Natasha laughs in the background. Her laugh mixes well with the sound of the rain.
"Which one do you prefer? Natasha's or Anna-Grace's laugh?"
"Who's Natasha?"
Natalie's on the floor, looking at him like he's gonna turn into a Monster. He's the Monster. I'm running towards her, fast, quick, loud, I have to smash her…
Their thoughts meet but for the first time, do not recognize each other, as though they see but cannot touch, hear but cannot smell, think but not feel…
Green. I don't like green. I don't like green.
And then, their consciousnesses meet one last time, tangled but never mixing, like oil and water:
Screaming and crying. Dust. Gray. The world is gray. Hope ran away.
Rumble, crumble.
The Monster is here again.
Hulk is here again.
"Fly away little bird,
Before the bad winter,
And as the earth calls in vain
Fly so pain you can forget."
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
For the first time in their lives, Hulk and Bruce's consciousness parted ways as Hulk pushed a dream into Bruce's consciousness .
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Raising his head, Bruce watched the clouds drift by. His heart rose in his chest, as if it was trying to reach them. Oh, how nice would it have been to be able to fly…
"We can fly if we want to, Bruce."
"Really?"
Hulk only nodded once and Bruce felt his chest sigh from the inside out as wings grew on his back. Powerful and huge wings that took him out of the ground with one wing flutter. Hulk flew by his side as he rose up in the sky. Drifting among the clouds, the wind a caress on his closed eyes, it was as if nothing bad could ever touch him from where he was.
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
A voice he once knew sings a song he wishes he had never forgotten.
He remembers.
He knows.
"Fly away little bird,
Before the bad winter,
And as the earth calls in vain
Fly so pain you can forget."
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Peter Pan joined them for a party of hide and seek in the clouds. Fairy Rosie did try to cheat when she arrived but it was so funny Bruce felt like rolling on his back up and down from laughing out loud. Mommy and Anna-Grace called them for tea, from the highest cloud and Hulk and Bruce raced to the top, Hulk winning by a small margin.
As they drink tea and watch the sundown, while the Duck Family plays among the clouds, they hear a delicious voice say behind them:
"Hey Big Guy, the sun's getting real low…"
Then, the world explodes.
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
A little green boy stands in Bruce's bedroom, facing his best friend. He knows. He knows seconds before Bruce realizes the truth.
He knows he is the Monster. Hulk is the Monster.
Natasha and Tony knew. Of course they know. And they told Anna-Grace. They betrayed him, the Monster, to protect Bruce from Hulk. He was betrayed again because there's nothing wrong with lying to a Monster, because Monsters are dangerous.
Hulk's primal reaction is to push Bruce away, to keep him from understanding who Hulk is. So he pushes the dream into Bruce's conscience, to no avail. It's too late.
"Fly away little bird,
Before the bad winter,
And as the earth calls in vain
Fly so pain you can forget."
Hulk can see, in the opening eyes of his other self, the consciousness coming back with new pain and fear. The same pain and fear he's feeling. Except it's mixed with Betrayal. Because Hulk is the Monster or because Hulk tried to hide it from Bruce? He doesn't know and he doesn't care.
Either way, it's over now.
Hulk knows Bruce. He knows the pain, fear and anger that were part of Bruce's entire life. He knows Bruce's feelings like his own. He knows, remembers, how the old Bruce felt about Hulk: shameful and scared of the Monster's power.
Now, Bruce is going to hate Hulk like he never hated anyone before. Hulk knows this will destroy him. Shame and fear are usual companions, his lifelong friends. But losing his best friend's trust and love after tasting it… That's more than anyone can handle. That's more than he can handle. So Hulk closes his eyes, welcomes the dark that replaces Bruce's hurtful eyes, and tries to run away.
"Fly away little bird,
Before the bad winter,
And as the earth calls in vain
Fly so pain you can forget."
Run away from the pain. Run away from the truth. Run away from Bruce. Run away from the world.
Too bad he doesn't know how to fly.
He's drowning in the ocean, his ship has sailed. He's trying to swim to the surface, to escape Bruce's hate, that drop of black water adding itself to the blue sea of hatred he used to know like family. The black spreads, like tentacles. Hulk struggles to escape this blackness and as Hulk reaches the surface, he suddenly realizes he didn't escape the world. As Anna-Grace's eyes look for the first time at the green boy, Hulk screams.
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Inside a little apartment in New York rose a cry that hadn't be heard in a while. It was full of agony, anguish and rage. Those close enough could've heard a woman crying, begging for a baby to calm down, to hear her, to tell her what was wrong, but the voice that rose above was pure madness, covering all. Birds flew away, dogs and cats ran as if the world was about to end, and people starting rushing away, scared of a sound so inhuman…
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
911 calls were made. The Avengers intervened. Quarantine was in place 10 minutes later, five miles around the cry. Those on the blocks were told to stay inside, habitants of the street were evacuated by Iron Men. Neverland was on lockdown while Peter, Rosie and all other guests were told to wait in an emergency facility put up nearby. Psychologists were brought in to calm down everyone. No one knew what was going on, the only reason given being "toxic poison". The police were allowed to tell Peter, who then told Rosie, that a terrorist had tried to hide at Neverland, bringing with him some poison that spread on him, hence the horrible cry. When they asked about Anna-Grace and Bruce, they were told the family had been located elsewhere and placed in safety while the situation in the building was being contained.
This was the official story.
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Natasha and Tony had not planned this. They were the most surprised of all. After all, they had been waiting for the Hulk for so long, what could've possibly brought him forth now?
Yet now was not the time for comprehension. First, fix the situation. Then try to understand what led to it so it doesn't happen again. So, while Steve took care of the outside issues - that is, the police, 911 calls and general population, notably Peter and Rosie - Tony and Natasha were sent to deal with the one inside: who knew what they would find?
When they arrived at the scene, they expected many things. One of them was a destroyed apartment, which they did not find. All of the furniture was intact, sheets of paper on the floor where Bruce must've been drawing last, toys all around, drawings and paintings on the wall. The air was still though, heavy as a rock, silent save for a small crying voice coming from one of the bedrooms. Tony couldn't prevent a shiver from running up his spine at how the apartment reminded him of war zones and haunted houses. He had seen many horrors ever since he began the Iron Man life, but this… It felt exactly like when he thought he would lose Pepper…
Natasha rested her fingers on his shoulder as lightly as a feather but it was enough to bring him back. As she walked in front of him towards the hallway leading to the bedrooms, Tony closed his eyes, took a deep breath, counted to 3 and then shook his head and followed his friend.
Slowly and carefully, the Iron Man and the Black Widow went to the source of the broken silence they could now locate near Bruce's bedroom. Dread in their heart and soul, they walked there slow as snails, sneaking around the debris. Would they ever be able to sleep again after seeing this?
But once more they didn't see what they expected. When they arrived by the bedroom threshold, instead of some green monster and a body bleeding, a green monster and a terrorized young woman or any other nightmare their imagination could concoct, they saw a young green boy immobile in the arms of a crying woman, amidst destructive chaos.
It was snowing feathers, white and dusty, contributing to the strange atmosphere in the room. The air was still, silent, save for the cries. Debris of toys, paper and wall laid on the floor. The walls were filled with holes as if small fists had repeatedly slammed into them. It would've looked like a living painting if not for the two humans at the center of it.
After the initial relief, dread came back. The green boy didn't move, didn't stir. Was he dead?
Tony stayed by the door, knowing this was Nat's work now.
The spy came in like a dancer, tiptoeing around the chaos to arrive and crouch by the mourning woman. She didn't speak, only put her arm with care around Anna-Grace's shoulder.
Suddenly, the blond woman came rushing into Natasha's open arms, sobs never ending. The green boy stirred, his eyes opened then closed, but he didn't move.
Natasha closed her arms around the exhausted family, quickly scanning their heartbeats. Once she was sure the boy was just sleeping, she looked at Tony and nodded at him. The Iron Man understood the signal: everything was under control now. He himself only had to warn the others and prepare the medical facility for the family at his Tower, away from prying eyes. Calm, peace, tranquility and intimacy was all the boy and the woman needed right now. Their recovery would be no bed of roses.
Once Tony had gone to take care of logistical matters, Natasha sat on the floor to find a more comfortable position. This was going to be a long night. While Anna-Grace cried out her misery in the Black Widow's arms, holding close to her heart a silent little boy who was starting to lose his greenness, Natasha starting to sing lullaby after lullaby, her sweet voice bringing back calm within the room. As her mind tried to bring comfort for those who were mourning and traveled back to times when fear was a myth, as the lullabies echoed in Russian and her consciousness lost itself in memories far gone, the Black Widow part that never slept whispered the truth: recovery would be no bed of roses.
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Bip. Bip.
Bip. Bip.
The boy was sleeping finally but she couldn't dare to close her eyes. She was too scared… One second was enough to lose her baby boy. Wasn't that what had happened last night? She had left the boy in bed, feverish, to get a thermostat. By the time it took her to fetch it and come back, he was green and screaming… as if he was dying.
Bip. Bip.
Bip. Bip.
Anna-Grace put her hand on Bruce's forehead, it was cool. She put her hand on his heart, it was beating at a regular rhythm.
Machines might be telling things but they could be wrong. The steadfast heartbeat could go crazy again. So she left her hand on his heart while the other stroked his hair. Her baby boy looked so peaceful yet so exhausted…
Bip. Bip.
Bip. Bip.
They said it was normal for her to feel so much fear, confusion and tiredness. They said she had gone through a trauma, as he had.
According to them, trauma happened when one went through an event too terrible for his mind, leading the body to create so much adrenaline the brain just blacked out. The body usually produced adrenaline to help go through and deal with any normal stressful experience. Except, they said, for the threshold: when the experience is too awful, too stressful, too traumatic for you to live, your body sends so much adrenaline it crosses a natural threshold. And your brain just… blacks out. When you "wake up", you have no memories of what happened. The perfect natural protection.
So it was normal for her to have hazy memories of the last evening. To only have stray feelings of agony, mixed with blurry images of a green boy and a baby boy crying and a destroyed apartment, and hugs, and Natasha being there at some point. They said it was normal that she didn't remember a thing after the Black Widow appearance. It meant that her body had considered the incident closed after the ginger woman's arrival, that she could completely black out and preserve her sanity for later on, for when her baby boy would need it. Apparently, her body had deemed Natasha worthy of the trust. It seemed logical to her right now, waiting by her sleeping bambino in some medical wing inside Stark Tower. The Avengers would protect them, would know what to do. They had proven it in the last 12 hours.
Doctors had warned her. Bruce would probably have trauma too, like her. Thus, she needed to understand well what had happened to her, and what could happen to her later on, so she could be the best help to her "son". She hadn't corrected them. Maybe Bruce didn't consider her his mother, but she certainly considered him her son now. After what had happened last night…
Bip. Bip.
Bip. Bip.
As the sun slowly illuminated Bruce's medical bedroom, showing more clearly the dark shadows under her bambino's eyes, probably twins to some under her own eyes, as it shed a light on his peaceful face and steadfast beating heart, her hands still stuck on his chest and in his hair, she felt relieved. He was safe. He was alive. He was okay. He would be, at least. She would make sure of it.
Bip. Bip.
Bip. Bip.
She closed her eyes to listen to the machines' sounds and get accustomed to it. It would take time but she knew she would be drawn to like the beeping sounds. It meant her son was safe and sound. He was alive…
Behind the sounds she could also hear his steadfast breathing. In. Out. In. Out. She put her own breathing in accord to his, memorizing the sounds and movements while her hand slowly rose up and down on his chest. He was alive.
She knew the worst wasn't over yet. She knew it could happen again. They had said adrenaline would come back when something would make them remember the traumatic experience. They would probably feel illogical fear, pain or despair then. They would have to remember, she would have to remember to breath In and Out, In and Out. She had to be prepared so that she could help him remember to breath In and Out, In and Out.
She had to exercise, they said. Not right now, though. Right now was too soon. She had to rest first. And heal too. Even though she didn't know how to do that last one.
The only thing that calmed her right now, that gave her some sense of peace, was listening to Bruce sleeping. His chest rising up and down under her hand. His steadfast heartbeat. His steadfast breathing, In and Out, In and Out.
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
The door of the room opened slowly and Anna-Grace opened her eyes. She was still on her chair, next to Bruce's bed, her back to one of the huge window's wall. Her hands were still attached to Bruce's chest and hair and she had been listening to her son's breathings for the last 5 hours.
As the door opened, Anna-Grace considered her possibilities: Tony Stark, Steve Rogers or Natasha Romanoff, with maybe some doctor. She was relieved to see the ginger woman, alone. Not that she minded Mr. Rogers or Mr. Stark. Their presence always was discrete and reassuring. She knew that with them by her side, Bruce would be safe no matter how many unknown doctors entered. She also was thankful for the fact that no one, even the medical staff, was allowed inside Bruce's room without at least one of the three Avengers she personally knew.
Natasha smiled to her before looking at the boy lying on the bed.
"He hasn't woken up?"
"Not yet, no."
"Good. It gives us time to make a little debriefing and a little briefing."
Nat's tone was calm, matter-of-the-fact straightforward yet tender. Anna-Grace was once more thankful to have such considerate friends by her side. They knew the wrong kind of tone could send her over the edge. She was sooo tired…
- "Take a seat, Nat," she however found the energy to say. It was about Bruce, it was too important. She had rested for the last 10 hours, she needed to do something now.
Nat acknowledged her friend's decision with a nod and a smile before sitting on the chair on Bruce's other side. She comfortably installed herself then asked:
"How much do you remember from last night?"
"Not much, Nat, not much."
She told the spy about the fragments she could recall: Bruce's screams, destruction, pain, fear, a small green boy, the ginger woman arriving and then the black out.
"Alright, so you do not remember arriving here?"
"No, I don't."
Natasha took her time before speaking again, clearly thinking about how best to approach the subject, in a soft voice - as if speaking up too loudly would wake the boy up:
"Alright, here are the facts: Bruce hulked out last night. We assume, now, but it's yet to clarify and verify that he was hit pretty badly with some virus or disease that knocked him off. Doctors are still debating but my best guess is a normal boy would be dead or close to it, but Bruce fought back - or the Hulk did. It left him extremely weak and emotional. Bruce was used to emotional instability but only when gifted with his full capacities. Even then, he had his episodes, I'm sure you've noticed. In such a state, it tipped the boy off the edge. Still following?" At the young mother's nod, she went on: "Bruce hulked out. We're waiting on him to wake up and talk to you to know exactly why, there's always some underlining reason. Right now, the apartment is destroyed. Your friends Peter and Rosie are being kept from it under medical and secret reasons, but they want to see you. We'll have to divert them. How much would you like to tell them?"
"I could decide what to tell them?"
"Well, we can decide together, even though of course I'll have the final word."
Anna-Grace nodded, trying to let the information sink in. There was so much to take on. Natasha looked at her, clearly sorry when she added:
"But I think you know the main thing I had to tell you Anna-Grace…"
The blond woman didn't know if it was because of her exhaustion, what had happened in the last 12 hours or the news but she felt like crying. She indeed did know what Natasha wanted to talk about. Anna-Grace had come under the realization about 3 hours ago. Bruce would hulk out. It meant he wasn't safe at Neverland, no matter how happy he was there. They needed to move out. They needed to stay at Stark Tower now.
Her heart heavy, she went on. She might as well lay it all out.
"What about Rosie and Peter?"
"We know you have a lot on your plate right now so we concocted a little scenario I'd like to propose to you. If you agree, perfect. If you don't like it, we can think about it later on," answered Natasha.
"What do you have in mind?"
"Bruce has a condition. Nothing dangerous of course, something complicated they won't look into. But you found old friends in the city who have the means to help you and Bruce."
Anna-Grace listened, trying to follow despite her tiredness, as Natasha went on. "This is why you came here, to contact them again and reach out to them. You didn't know what their answer would be, didn't want to impose so you decided to stay at Neverland in the meantime. You had no idea of your chances of success, if we can say so, so you never told anyone. You didn't want Bruce to feel let down in any way or capacity. You finally reached out yesterday and spent the day with them, rekindling old bonds and friendship, which is why you weren't at Neverland and didn't know about the lockdown. They love Bruce and want to help, offered their help without even having to ask. You could keep your job at Neverland, you're not sure yet, you need to think about it, you want to keep some form of independence but you might have a shot at another and better job with better pay and better hours, etc. All of this to say you're moving out uptown."
As Natasha matter-of-factly explained her plan, it seemed extremely simple and logical to Anna-Grace. Something she was sure she wouldn't have been able to come up with in her actual state.
- "It sounds perfect, Natasha."
Natasha smiled softly, her eyes filled with the kind of look that was becoming Anna-Grace's lifeline, telling without words 'I'm with you and I care about you, rest assured my friend'.
- "I'll let you rest now," the ginger lady said instead.
Anna-Grace nodded, thankful. Right now, she just wanted to be with Bruce, alone.
But as Natasha rose to leave them some privacy, the mother was surprised by the feelings that rose inside her: she suddenly realized how helpless she would've been without the spy and the Avengers. To think that they let her be with her son and tried with all their might to let them be a family…
Her voice thick with barely controlled emotion, she managed to whisper a few words before the Black Widow reached the door:
- "Thank you, Natasha. For everything."
The female Avenger paused by the door but didn't look back. Her hand on the handle, she only replied one word before leaving the room.
As the sun dispersed the shadows in the room before creating new ones when it rose up and down, as Anna-Grace spent the day listening to Bruce sleeping In and Out, In and Out, the word stayed in a corner of her mind like a treasure, a safety net, a fire dispersing all nightmares: Anytime, she had said. Anytime you or Bruce need help, I'll be there, it meant. Anytime.