Chapter 4- Ice cream Ideas
Jerome cannot help but swagger back towards his home in Lila's caravan, he stuffs the folded clown drawing into his back pocket and tucks the unicorn under his arm as he retrieves the little knife from his jeans. Something had changed in him during his altercation with Alphonse he could feel it, he had felt the shift in his brain, an electric connection building a new idea as the power had shifted to him with one little threat with a knife. Jerome had received countless beatings throughout his childhood, each a reminder of his place at the bottom of the pile in Haly's Circus, he often managed to retain a shred of dignity with a defiant smile or by hiding his pain but never had he been able to turn the tables and gain the upper hand. Alphonse's face as he had first placed the blade to his chin had been one of true fear, a shudder of enjoyment pulses through Jerome's body at the memory. He feels the knife in his hand, the tiny rusted blade now feeling so powerful, hot under his touch, he looks at the tiny implement in amazement, how could something so small be so significant?
Approaching the snake dancer's caravan Jerome can see the lights are mostly extinguished, a small glow from a desk lamp can be seen through the smallest window at the end, the twin's bedroom window. Jerome lets himself in through the main door, inside is dark and quiet, creeping along the narrow corridor he opens his bedroom door quietly. Jeremiah is slumped over a pile of papers on the bottom bunk, pen still in hand, Jerome grits his teeth still holding onto some anger from their argument earlier. He throws the unicorn onto the top bunk, looking down at his little blade he contemplates for a moment or two, he edges closer to his sleeping brother knife pointed out. He gets in real close, ducking to avoid the top bunk, Jerome moves the Swiss army knife blade closer and closer towards his motionless brother taking at all the way to his temple, he holds it millimetres from his brothers skin twisting and turning the blade imagining how it would feel to make contact, the rush of adrenaline is phenomenal.
Jeremiah lets out a sudden sigh in his sleep, Jerome jolts back and tucks the knife away quickly, heart racing he steadies himself and gently re-approaches his brother, he glances at the knife but changes his mind, he pulls up the blanket to cover him carefully instead and removes the black rimmed glasses from his still face with a strange tenderness. With a perplexed exhale of breath Jerome jumps up onto his top bunk, he lays himself moving the sad looking unicorn to the side of his pillow. Settling his head down Jerome stretches moving one hand underneath the head rest feeling a hard lump under his sheets he did not expect, pulling it out from under his head, he has retrieved a small hard parcel wrapped in handmade wrapping paper adorned with hand sketched clown faces and balloons all tied with string.
A tiny card made from a roughly cut section of some old packaging is attached, the colourful lettering of some confectionary product just visible on the back. Jerome fingers it open and reads the note inside.
To J,
Happy birthday, sorry it's late.
This is so you can write down all those genius ideas YOU have, maybe one day we can have fun doing them all together.
Sorry I have to leave for a while, hopefully one day I'll see you again.
Sadie Lloyd
Jerome unties the string and rips away the paper revealing a small black diary; a pink and blue glittery bejeweled ice cream cone decorates the front glistening in the lamp light. Sadie has stuck pink and purple glitzy letters all around the cornet spelling out Jerome. The boy can't help but smile letting out an inaudible chuckle, the gift was so Sadie, he takes out the clown drawing unfolding it he smooths out the creases and carefully tucks it into the back of the diary. He clasps the little book to his chest as he leans over switching a tiny light switch next to his bed which turns off the lamp above the desk.
Jeremiah had been such a bore, huddled away in their room for the last few days working on his stupid puzzles whilst Lila had been away in Gotham. Jerome had tried to keep himself busy but it was hard now he had to avoid Alphonse as well as Uncle Zak. He had spent most of his time with the animals, his main job in the circus was mucking out the elephants and horses and most people avoided the enclosures due to the smell allowing Jerome a modicum of peace and sanctuary from his growing enemies. He sits atop a huge bale of hay just inside the stripy tent wall, holding the ice cream diary open scribbling intently onto the page with his red pen.
Jerome did not exactly miss Sadie, but he did miss someone to talk to so the diary had been a welcome distraction to offload some of his constant stream of thoughts. Jerome had always been plagued with a tirade of thoughts, an unrelenting barrage of ideas, urges, obsessions he had trouble organising making it hard to think straight at times and he had found it somewhat cathartic to write this brain chaos down. Jeremiah had always found it so easy to focus his overactive brainwaves into his studies, pleasing their mother no end.
He had already filled a number of pages in the diary, sometimes with notes and often with little doodles and drawings when he could not write his visions fast enough. A mix of day to day opinions about the world interspersed with anecdotes about elephant dung and deep dark ideas for payback. Jerome had been filling a double page dedicated to his brother Jeremiah, a subject that pulled the boys mind in infinite directions.
A crude sketch of his brother sat across the crease of the pages with a doodled maze behind that filled the pages all the way up to the edges, each corridor filled with writing weaving in and out of the many routes. Angry hateful words mixed with feelings of jealousy and admiration, small fantasies of hurting his brother, dragging him behind the chuck wagon, shooting him out of a canon, setting him on fire overlapped with meaningful memories and the occasional I love you. Jerome stops to admire his handy work then adds a final clown face to the drawing of his brother giving him a forced smile.
"She's back." Jeremiah skulks out from the darkness, Jerome snaps the book shoot swiftly and hops down from the hay making his brother jump.
"Relax Jeremiah, god I'm not gonna hurt you, thought about it ... sure... but ya know I love ya really. We could be unstoppable if you just let go a little someday." Jerome ruffles his brother's hair much to his Jeremiah's discomfort.
"She a mess I take it then?" Jerome rolls his eyes knowingly.
"She..she's just a little tired" Jeremiah defends her unconvincingly.
"Hung-over Jeremiah, I think you mean hung-over." Jerome states sarcastically relishing the death stare he is given in return, "Well I have a sudden overwhelming desire to go and listen to some death metal in our room...loud, so I'll see you later."
Jeremiah goes to pull Jerome back as he leaves and knocks the book from his hands, "Just leave her, she'll be worse if you antagonise her Jerome," he instinctively picks the fallen book and goes to pass it back to his brother, "Hey, what is this? Is this what Sadie left for you the other day? Is it a diary?" Jerome snatches the book back.
"Yeah, my super secret princess diary, full of secret wishes and dreams, so hands off mister." Jerome playfully hits Jeremiah in the head with the book and continues to leave, skipping and whistling with the thoughts of punishing his mother.