The next morning, Jay wakes up to the sound of the monitors beeping. Jay opens his eyes to be blinded by the florescent lights on the ceiling. Looking from side to side, he sees both his brother and Hailey.

Jay groans, catching the attention of his brother. "Jay? Are you with me?"

"Yeah," he sighs.

"How are you feeling?"

Jay takes a minute to process how his body feels, "My throat hurts and my stomach."

"Okay. That's normal, they had to put a tube down your throat when they pumped your stomach," Will pauses before he speaks again. "Jay, what happened?" Will asked softly.

"It doesn't matter," Jay whispers.

"Do you want to talk with Hailey instead?" Will asks.

"No. I don't want to talk. When can I go home?"

"It's up in the air right now. You're on suicide watch; we can have a better timeline after psych talks to you."

"I just said that I don't want to talk."

"You have too. I know you don't want to, but you don't have a choice. So you can either talk to me, I'm sure Hailey wouldn't mind listening, or you can talk to someone from psych."

Jay looks down, "I can't," Jay tells his older brother.

"Why can't you?" Will questions softly.

"Because- because you'll finally see how fucked up I am. And you'll realize you should have let me…" Jay trails off.

"That I should have let you die?" Will asks, voice breaking halfway through. Jay slowly nods his head. "Jay," Will whispers pulling his baby brother into a hug, finally realizing how badly his brother has been hurting. "Nothing you can say will make me think that. You know I love you, right?"

Jay hesitates before nodding; logically knowing that his brother loves him, but a nagging voice in the back of his head tells him that he is alone and too messed up to be loved.

"Do you want to talk with me or someone else?"

"You won't leave?"

"I promise I won't leave. Not again," Will vouches.

Jay looks over to Hailey, "She's been here all night," Will tells him.

"Why?"

"She cares about you. She's the one who found you. Jay, you had both of us so worried."

"She should go to work."

"She has time." Will gets up and walks over to Hailey, gently shaking the sleeping detective awake. "He's awake."

Hailey shoots up hearing this, "Jay, how are you feeling? I was so worried."

"I'm sorry. I'm okay."

"Hey, don't be. I'm just glad you're alive. Jay," she sighs, "whatever it takes to get you through this. Will and I are going to be here for you. Do you understand?" Jay nods slowly.

"Hailey," Will interrupts. "The nurse needs to know he's awake. Can you let her know, but give us twenty to thirty minutes before you do? Jay and I need to talk."

"No problem. I'll go to the cafeteria and grab some breakfast. What do you guys want? Can he have food?" Hailey asks.

"Anything for me and a coffee. Jay, you can either have oatmeal or scrambled eggs. And you need to eat something, so nothing isn't an option."

"Eggs?" Jay answers though it sounds more like a question.

"What about a drink?"

"See if they have almond milk. If not, you can't go wrong with water," Will tells her.

"Why can't I have coffee and you need to be at work," Jay asks Will before turning his attention to Hailey.

"You need to go easy on your stomach for a couple of days," Will answers.

"Don't worry about me being at work, just focus on you," Hailey tells him before leaving the room.

In the cafeteria, Hailey grabs herself a blueberry muffin and a bowl of fruit along with a black coffee before making her way to a small table. Looking at her watch, Hailey decides to bite the bullet and call Voight to let him know that both of his detectives will not be in.

He picks up on the third ring, "What is it Upton?" his gruff voice comes over the line.

"Jay's not going to be in today- actually he won't be in for a while. He's at Med and I was hoping to stay with him- at least for today."

"What happened?"

"I don't want to break his trust- but right now, he's a danger to himself," Hailey tells their boss, hoping he understands the message.

"Do what you need to," Voight tells her before hanging up.

Hailey puts down her phone and slowly eats her food, trying to see how she missed her best friend being in so much pain.

Once Hailey leaves Will turns to Jay, "We have some time before a nurse comes in to check on you. Talk to me, Jay. What's going on in that head of yours?" Will questions softly.

Jay looks down at his hands playing with the thin sheet that is covering him. "Why am I here?"

"You're here because you are a good person, you're a great cop. You have a big heart, you're kind and caring- just how mom raised you to be," Will tells him.

"A lot of good guys died in Afghanistan, they had wives, kids- families to come back to. I didn't, it should have been me. What kind of son am I? I wasn't here when mom was sick. I've put Hailey in danger because of my PTSD. There are so many people that I've either killed or couldn't help."

Will's heart sinks when he hears what his brother thinks of himself, he moves from the chair to sitting next to his brother. "Jay- you wouldn't have deserved to die in Afghanistan anymore than your unit. And you were a great son, mom was so proud of you. If she saw you so… tormented, it would kill her." Will pulls Jay into his side. "And I know Hailey trust you- PTSD or not. And for the people you couldn't, you can't save everyone."

Jay rests his head on Will's shoulder, "I'm sorry."

"When did you start cutting?" Will asks afraid of the answer, but at the same time needing to know.

"I don't know. Sometime after I was discharged," Jay answers trying to cover the marks on his arms.

"Why?"

"Because I need to feel something. And I needed to punish myself."

Before Will can reply, Hailey comes back in with their food, "Here. A nurse should be here in a couple of minutes." Hailey notices him trying to hide his arms. "Will can he change?" Hailey asks.

"Yeah. No strings or anything he can use to hurt himself. Why?"

"He is right here."

"Jay do you want me to go to your place and get you something to change into. Maybe a long sleeve shirt and some pajama pants? You look uncomfortable."

"Don't you have to go to work?"

"I called out today."

"Why, the team is down two people now."

"Don't worry about that. Just focus on you."

"You and Will should be at work, not with me."

"Hey, we're here because we want to be," Hailey is interrupted by a nurse and someone from psych coming in. "I'm going to swing by your place and grab you a change of clothes. Do you want anything else?"

"Wait until we see what the plan is," Will tells her, "He might not be able to have some things."

"Okay, I'll be back soon," Hailey tells Jay, patting his shoulder before leaving the room.