JMJ
Chapter Two
The alarm wailed back at the Sheriff's Office.
Both Badgerclops and Adorabat had had a rather rough night. Adorabat had been thinking every crick, squeak, and groan outside her window and out in the living room was Mao Mao coming home, and Badgerclops kept thinking there was one extra slice in the pizza box that he had not finished. But maybe in the case of Badgerclops the only thing he was missing was Mao Moa as in the back of his mind he began to fear that Orangusnake had done more damage to his pal than just to his pride.
Anyway, it was too early to be woken up for battling bad guys or monsters after such a night, and both Badgerclops and Adorabat drooled their way out of bed.
As they reached the living room where the alarm was going off, Adorabat was suddenly struck with an idea that woke her faster than caffeine.
"I bet Mao Mao's gunna beat us there!" she gasped, and she zipped out the door as fast as she could.
"Hey, wait!" called Badgerclops. "We're taking the Aero-Cycle, right? I mean, I'm not gunna run down into the valley first thing in the morning without breakfast, Adorabat!"
"No!" shrieked Adorabat. "No one touches the Aero-Cycle until Mao Mao gets back!"
Badgerclops moaned.
Now, down into the valley where nestled the quaint heart-filled town of Sweetie Pies, Orangusnake was causing chaos for the gentle citizens. With sacks open and his cronies looking more the usually menacing, Orangusnake slipped out his glasses to read his list of demands.
Someone behind him was shrieking at the fire blazing from the remains of the library.
He was just about to set his glasses into place when he let out a disgruntled sigh.
"Look! We're sorry about the library!" he hissed. "It's not like we did that on purpose! That oil tanker just popped out of nowhere! C'mon! Get a grip people!"
As a fire engine came to put the fire out, Orangusnake shook his head importantly and put his glasses on.
"Because we have ki— Oh, excuse me, everyone!" he tittered apologetically before going back to his serious villainous tone even if the Tanner-half still blushed with a queer little smile. "Because we have destroyed Sheriff Mao Mao we are taking full advantage of pillaging your town. If you prefer your Pure Heart Valley to stay intact we recommend that everything we desire be put into the sacks that fit the type of object on the list orderly and in single-file. As you can see we have electronics, furniture, and various food, etc, all legibly labeled for everyone. Pictures too in case anyone here is illiterate. Now for the list. Ahem!"
"Please, Captain Orangusnake, can't we be reasonable about this!" beseeched King Snugglemagne clasping his paws together. "There must be some way we can negotiate to satisfy both parties."
"Um, I believe I already made my case quite clear, Sire," said Orangusnake. "Either you comply with what I've said. That would be dope. Or DON'T!" he snarled that last bit and thrust one of his huge orangutan fingers towards his Tube-Cannon III.
Boss Hosstrich patted it devilishly.
With a shriek Snugglemagne squeezed his paws to his chest.
"But—but!" he sputtered. "How can you be sure that the sheriff's dead?"
The whole town gasped in horror. Even the fire was forgotten and started the post office next door on fire too.
"Well! We meant 'destroyed'," said Snugglemagne with a dignified sniff. "Of course, we meant destroyed."
With arms crossed staunchly he turned his head away with regal pride.
Everyone calmed down and the firefighters showered out the fire before it could spread to the nearest fast food joint.
"So… you want to know how we know that the sheriff's destroyed, do you?" said Orangusnake.
The Sweetie Pies nodded in unison.
"We took his Aero-Cycle in the night here, yo!" laughed Ratarang.
"I wanted to say it!" whined Orangusnake.
Ratarang spun around whistling nonchalantly.
"Well, anyway!" snorted Orangusnake. "Yes, we have the sheriff's beloved Aero-Cycle, and at this very moment we have it installed into our ship, and that's the thing that's causing the slowly pulsing and ominous shadow above everyone's heads."
Backing away from the scene on the street, one could easily see that it was a very sunny day and the Sky Pirates' ship hovered menacingly above the town.
The Sweetie Pies let out a greater gasp than before.
"And I'm sure by now," said Orangusnake with a smug grin, "Mao Mao would have been here if he was still with us."
Hosstrich put his hat over his heart in mock sympathy and began to play the beginning of Taps on a harmonica. He didn't get far, however before there came a shout behind them that made Orangusnake's snake heart skip a beat— the orangutan heart still beat about the same as before even if Tanner's face showed a little concern for his upper half's terror.
"Hey, Sky Pirates! Are you playing for your own funeral or what?" shouted Adorabat. It sounded like a Mao Mao-like thing to say to her when it had popped into her head.
Orangusnake sighed with relief to see that not even Badgerclops was with the little bat, who was the only one among the trio that the Sky Pirates had a good chance of defeating in battle.
"Where's Sheriff Mao Mao?" whimpered Snugglemagne.
The Sky Pirates sneered like an oil smear as they shifted their eyes to Snugglemagne and back to the lone Adorabat.
"Yesssss," hissed Orangusnake evilly. "Yes, where's our dear Sheriff?"
He glanced knowingly back at the Sweetie Pies, and his crew sniggered like naughty children on the playground.
"You mean the sheriff really is gone?" cried Penny grabbing onto Benny for support.
Orangusnake gave a prompt nod. "Yes."
The citizens of Pure Heart Valley all began to scream and run around in circles. Above the din could barely be heard the snarl of Pinky, "I call dibs on the Sheriff's Office!" But no one paid the least bit attention to him.
"What happened to that orderly file I was talking about?" whined Orangusnake throwing out his arms.
"NO! HE'S! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOT!" screamed Adorabat.
Everyone stopped and stared at the bat hovering now in the middle of town square.
"Mao Mao's not gone forever! I know it! I feel it! You guys gotta feel that too! He's our hero! Our protector! We have a special bond with him! If he was gone forever we wouldn't have that bond!"
"What's she talkin' about?" winced Marion.
"Maybe she's losing grip on reality with grief," sighed ol' Blue in his minimalistic way.
Snugglemagne gave a sniff. "Well, he's not here and you are, Adorabat. That's proof enough that he's not coming! We say that the Sweetie Pies of Pure Heart Valley need a new sheriff and quick. Make a note, Quinton! We appoint Badgerclops the new Sheriff of Pure Heart Valley!"
A murmuring rippled through the crowd but there was no sign of Badgerclops either.
"Is Badgerclops gone forever too!" gasped Chubbums.
Again the streets became panic and Orangusnake moaned.
"No!" cried Adorabat. She flew one way and then flew another. She began pulling on Gary as if she could lift him up from his panic but in vain. She gave up trying to stop anyone physically as she shouted furiously: "No! He was just behind me! And he doesn't need to take over as sheriff! Mao Mao's the sheriff… and even if we did need a new sheriff I could take over the position JUST AS EASILY!"
The square paid less attention to her than to Pinky who was now trying to bribe the king out of the Sheriff's Office in the background with a ticket to some tropical island. Everyone else began attacking their own town in their terror better than the Sky Pirates could have ever hoped in pillaging.
"Rrrah!" Adorabat growled. "Where is that Badgerclops?!"
A little earlier Badgerclops would have been found not far behind Adorabat trudging and grumbling as he made his way down towards the valley. It was a beautiful morning with fresh air blowing in from the mountains. Birds sang in the trees and butterflies and bees hovered over swaying flowers, but Badgerclops did not see any of that. What he did see in bold messy paint on the trunk of a thick tree, were the words, "He's not coming back."
Badgerclops blinked as he passed by the tree and frowned. There was another tree up ahead that was also painted up with very sloppy letters.
"Deal with it, dood," it read.
A few paces past the tree Badgerclops stopped dead in his tracks at the third tree with the letters, "And y'all know who we're talking about…right? I mean it's Mao Moa, right?" The last "right" dribbled into the grass at the foot of the tree.
"Okay, that's it!" snapped Badgerclops. "First of all as a "dude" user, I'm highly offended that whoever wrote this didn't take the time to find out how to spell it correctly—!"
A fourth tree read, "The Sky Pirates totally didn't write this."
"Yeah, well— and second! If Mao Mao really isn't coming back, this sucks!" He kicked up a very attractive daisy as hard as he could. Then he blasted the remains with his robo-arm. "Oh, I knew he wasn't coming back! STUPID MAO MAO BEING SO SENSATIVE! Well! I don't care if he's coming back! I don't care about Pure Heart Valley! I don't care about the stupid Ruby Pure Heart or monsters or Sky Pirates! I don't even care if I never do or eat anything agai—huh?"
He paused at something glittering.
It was sugar glinting in the sunlight.
"Hey, is that one of those apple cinnamon cookies from the grocery store that look just like Girl Scout Cookies only they're cheaper and come in those clear plastic trays?"
Lifting it up, he examined both sides and shrugged.
"Huh!"
He popped it into his mouth whole and licked his lips.
He was just about to wander away somewhere from there. Maybe eventually he would've made it to where the Sky Pirate's ship hovered right over the town square in front of the castle. Maybe he would have just sulked some more, but either way he did not go far before he caught sight of another apple cinnamon cookie sparkling like fool's gold in the light of the bright morning sun. This one had a grasshopper sitting on it that he had to fend off for the sake of the delicious snack.
He popped it into his mouth after blasting the grasshopper away, for he was still pretty upset even if he was too lazy to rant anymore.
"Burnt," he sighed with tears welling in his eyes.
But after a few more steps there was another cookie…. and another… and another…and another.
It was about this time that King Snugglemagne had called for Badgerclops to be the new sheriff too, but he was well away and going in the opposite direction from the valley. The only sign of Pure Hear Valley from where he was was the smoke from the fire. Although out by now, the smoke of it had finally reached out this far.
Through tears gobbing more and more so that they overflowed his cheeks he sobbed with his mouth filled with half-chewed cookies, "Maybe Mao Mao really is de— hey! You stupid bird! I saw that cookie first!"
"Skrah!" cried the crow just missing being hit by a blast from the robo-arm. She flapped away as fast as she could.
Badgerclops continued following the trail right to the edge of a high cliff. He might have walked right off of it too had his enemies been cleverer about it. Instead the cookies led him up a couple steps into a circular cage like a cake platter and bars that might be used in an old fashioned zoo. Inside, there say with an aura of enticement, a big pile of boxes with cookies in those clear plastic trays as though someone had stolen them right off the delivery truck headed for a supermarket.
"I knew it!" gasped Badgerclops.
Hardly had Badgerclops slipped inside before he tripped a rather thick and obvious string that triggered the cage-door shut behind him, but he paid no attention to that as he opened one of the plastic trays like a bear in an abandoned camper. For his convenience he could sit in a very cozy easy-boy chair before a television playing a pirated hacked game.
As Badgerclops sat down, he noticed on the character selection screen, "Hey, they got Purpl'igi in this game! Awesome!"
Immediately, he began to play and eat away at the cookies to forget his sorrows and worries. It did not take long before he was chuckling to himself about the silly attacks Purpl'igi had that he could use against Planatima, Scythe, and Barbwiretta. He just had to try not to look at Wink who had always been Mao Mao's favorite, but that was easy enough once he had his settings.
"You go, Purpl'igi!" he shouted with crumbs spraying out of his mouth.
He bolted a fist into the air at his victory and he chuckled merrily to himself.
Almost as if she could see him now, Adorabat moaned, but really it was because that without Mao Mao and without even a Badgerclops, the Sweetie Pies were now lined up in an orderly fashion to exchange a few items on Orangusnake's list for the safety of what remained of Pure Heart Valley.
"Let's see," said Orangusnake adjusting his reading glasses. "I want to start with the king's throne. Oh! And the king's crown, of course."
"You can't be serious!?" sobbed Snugglemagne.
"Oh, I'm pretty serious," said Orangusnake with a principal's solemn nod. "I also want all the latest game systems… cooking supplies like toaster ovens, microwaves, and pots and pans… y'know that sort of thing. And not to mention all the food from the grocery store. All of it. That includes those little slugs of energy drink in those tiny five-inch bottles. Everything. And I want the third doctor on a complete DVD box set."
"But, no one has that!" cried Chubbums waving his stubby arms.
"Yeah!" sobbed Chester. "You have to get the blue ray!"
"Oh, fine!" sniffed Orangusnake. "The punishing of the DVD users. We'll skip that one. It was worth a try. Alright, and last but not least, I want all the money from the bank, of course! So that's it. Everyone have everything? Good. Let's get going I—"
Hosstrich suddenly appeared by his side. After blinking at him and pulling off his glasses, Orangusnake leaned his head down to him. Hosstrich whispered and Orangusnake frowned.
"Why didn't you put it on the list then?" Orangusnake whispered back. "This is kind of embarrassing."
Hosstrich shrugged apologetically.
"Oh, okay, fine," Orangusnake whispered patiently. Then addressing the Sweetie Pies again he announced, "Anybody going for furniture, it would be appreciated too, if someone's got those extra high beds with the space program padding. Okay, we're good now."
"C'mon, you guys!" Adorabat said. "You can't give up! They're just the Sky Pirates!"
No one listened to her as Quintin orchestrated the lifting of the throne to put down before Orangusnake's feet. The king was sobbing when the crown was set before their enemy. Orangusnake placed it right over the top of his own crown and beamed.
"Oh, yeah!" snapped Adorabat. "I'll show you that the Sky Pirates are nothing!"
Zipping over to them she threw several smoke pellets over the top of the Sky Pirates who yelled out in surprise. Smoke filled the square and everyone was coughing.
"Come on you guys, now we can take 'em!" Adorabat snarled from where she hovered above the smoke, but the Sweetie Pies were just as blinded and immobilized by coughing as the Sky Pirates.
"Quintin!" cried King Snugglemagne. "I think I'm going to choke! Do do something about it!"
Click. Fffffffffffffffzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz!
The smoke cleared away, and a very powerful little fan in Quintin's wings was the cause.
"Gah! Thank you!" snarled Orangusnake sucking in the fresh air as the Tanner-half coughed just a little bit more in the abdominal portion of his armored suit.
No one was very happy with what Adorabat had done. The Sweetie Pies were already murmuring about the smoke damage to all the things that they had just brought out of their homes.
"There goes the value of that bamboo set," said Boss Hosstrich sadly.
"But the smoky flavor adds something to these canned peaches over here!" said Ratarang happily as he leaned back leisurely on the throne.
He stuck a very fine chopstick into the middle of one of those peaches like a skewer and plugged it into his mouth.
"Mmm! Smoked peaches!" said Ratarang. "Reminds me of Mama's Christmas fruit-meatloaf! Just add some bologna, mixed maraschino cherries and some canned fruit, beef jerky and some of Mama's meat balls…mix it into a bread mix and bam! Instant perfection!"
"Oh, boy, lemme have some of that!" said Ramaraffe. She squeezed in next to him on the throne.
"Hey! Watch it, I'm sittin' here!"
"But you guys didn't even try!" cried Adorabat at the Sweetie Pies. "We don't need help to defeat the Sky Pirates! They stink!"
"Face it, Adorabat," said King Snugglemagne haughtily. "Without Mao Mao and his deputy there's nothing to try. You might as well hand them over your game system at the sheriff's office and be done with it. Now be off with you."
"But he's gunna take the Ruby Pure Heart!" snapped Adorabat.
"Oh, of course, but we figured that was a given," laughed Orangusnake.
"Oooohhhh!" growled Adorabat and she zipped away ragingly to go find Badgerclops.
"Yes, do hurry back!" called Orangusnake cheekily. "Every little bit helps to stave our thirst for pillaging, after all."
Adorabat didn't answer but flew faster as she fought the tears that stung her eyes. Though, had she looked back even once, she might have seen the strange look of disappointment on Orangusnake's face. It was there long enough to see that something did not bode well with him. Though, honestly, he was not quite sure what it was himself.