JMJ
Chapter Three
Orangusnake let out a heavy and miserable sigh.
Seated on Snugglemagne's throne in his airship's main deck, he looked like a forlorn lord of an ancient moody kingdom on the verge of apocalypse. Not even Ratarang's mother's fruit meatloaf could cheer him up. It was getting cold on a small round bamboo table next to him. The smell of smoke bombs fumed everywhere, but the scent sprays intoxicating the air with fake lemon-verbena attempted to shield it.
"Don't worry, Boss!" said Ramaraffe. "We still got the Ruby Pure Heart and that smells like crystal."
"Yes, I say our efforts were pretty tight," said Boss Hosstrich punching the air.
"Ooo, so 2005," winced Orangusnake.
"So's resistin' blue ray," said Hosstrich, and he crossed his arms.
Orangusnake had to admit, "Point taken."
"Either way we got the Ruby Pure Heart!" grinned Ratarang. "Who cares about anything else?"
It was tied to the top of their airship now, and although it weighed the ship down groaning, it still floated along the ground well enough.
"Yes…" sighed Orangusnake a second time. "And before long, Pure Heart Valley will decay into nothing as the morale of the Sweetie Pies decays with the town's lack of energy. Their kingdom will fall into a pit of hateful despair that will destroy the fertile valley for miles around, and we have so much money that we can pay the highest services to clean out the stink out of our ship once we get to Sky City. And officially hook up the Pure Heart to the engine of course. Then we'll be the scourge of the sky and the most feared pirates in all the world from longitude to latitude."
Ramaraffe's face contorted with pity and confusion. "Then what's wrong, Boss?"
"Oh! Just forget it."
"Okay, but I thought you were gunna be happy once we won."
"The funny thing is, Ramaraffe," said Orangusnake thoughtfully staring into an LED-lit electric fireplace in a most atmospheric sort of way. "So did I…"
"Hey, boss, more fruit meatloaf!" said Ratarang scurrying up in front of him. He was suddenly wearing a chef's hat and apron as he held a flat pan of the stuff.
With a spatula he cut and plopped a great helping of it over what had already gotten cold.
"What's the point?" grumbled Orangusnake.
"To get full finally, Boss," said Ramaraffe.
Without looking, Orangusnake used one of his huge fingers to flip his plate off of the bamboo table. It clattered and splattered the fruit meatloaf all over the floor.
Ramaraffe, Ratarang, and Boss Hosstrich looked at the wasted food on the floor in dismay for a moment and then looked up with deep concern at their boss. Ratarang was also trying to decide whether it would have been seen as poor taste in light of the situation to take the food off the floor and eat it himself.
Orangusnake closed his eyes and sighed yet again most miserably.
"Maybe he likes metal pipes better," said Ramaraffe to her companions.
Ratarang shook his head. Throwing off his chef's hat he scurried up behind the throne and climbed up into a position where he hung onto the side of it near eye level with his captain.
"Hey, c'mon, Boss," said the rat-cyborg lifting a paw. "You're scaring us. Pull yourself together!"
"Yeah, tell us what's troublin' ya, boy," said Hosstrich.
"No, no, I don't want to spoil the rest of your guys' fun."
"But we can't have fun seein' you like this, Boss," said Ratarang. "Not even being humiliated by Mao Mao's dad and going home hungry with the rain leaking in the back of the ship made you this miserable, Boss."
Music began to play quite mysteriously and with a rather dangerously familiar tune just close enough to something everyone knew without danger of getting into trouble for it.
Ratarang sang:
"C'mon, Boss, see we're dyin' here
To know what's gotten you pinin' here.
All do respect pours from all of us here
Since the time that you called us here!
Everyone here is in awe of you here,
So give ear,
We don't see whatchya feeeeeeeeeeeear!"
He didn't sound half bad as a tenor, really.
Orangusnake winced nonetheless not feeling in the least bit in the mood for a sing and dance segment.
Then with the music becoming stronger, Ratarang sang,
"Whooooooo caaaaaaan win like Orangusnake?
Make that snaky grin like Orangusnake?
Who never gave up 'spite worn thin like Orangusnake!
"Who can claim to go on in that old dump
Not bashed by daily defeats and bad smells?
Who led us through fatigue and every slump?
Only to see that today we're ringing the bells!"
"Oh," moaned Orangusnake rolling his eyes shut.
Ramaraffe blinked stupidly at Orangusnake and then at Hosstrich and Ratarang. With an "o" in her lips she squinted in confusion when Boss Hosstrich and Ratarang exchanged knowing winks.
"Who makes monkey sounds like Orangusnake!" shouted Ratarang. "Shakes the earth when he pounds like Orangusnake!"
"Who kicks sidekicks in the ground when they're down like Orangusnake?" added Hosstrich with a grin.
"That's good but, man, it's getting hard to keep singin' here with a name like 'Orangusnake'," said Ratarang still singing, though a little off to the side.
"But keep goin', boy, I think he's lightin' up," sang Hosstrich.
"No, I just saw my foot that I had to shake," half sang and half chanted Orangusnake, "That fruit-meatloaf is some pretty mean yup."
"Yup?" asked Ratarang.
Hosstrich shrugged.
But they tried again.
"C'moooon there, Boss!" cried Hosstrich.
"Keep it uuuup here, Hoss," sang Ratarang through a clenched grin.
"Oh, I get!" cried Ramaraffe, "Oh, no wait. I think I just lost it."
"Who's the— uh, boss like Orangusnake?" said Ratarang running out of things to say already.
Hosstrich frowned. "Who don'tchya cross like Orangusnake?"
Ratarang grimaced at him in a way that showed that he thought his rhyme was just as good.
"Oh! Oh!" cried Ramaraffe waving her hoof excitedly, "Who makes s'ghetti with red paste and used floss like our boss!?"
She leaned her head backwards fawning over Orangusnake's shoulder.
Although eyeing her strangely for a second, Orangusnake tapped his chin and sang, "Well, I guess that was pretty intuuuuuuuitive of me."
"Yeah, atta boy! That's our boss!" sang Hosstrich and Ratarang clanging mugs of root beer suddenly in their hands together.
Yes, it was root beer. Don't think it was something stronger no matter how much it resembles what grownups get at a bar when they're over twenty-one. For shame!
Thoughtfully, Orangusnake sang on, "I still hear Mother in the countryside say, 'Go make of yourself a great snake.' But now that I'm grown I am more than a snake— hey!"
Ratarang had jumped on his head, you see.
All three of his crew members sang out as loud and passionately as they could, "What he became, well, it just takes the caaaaaaaaaaaaaaake!"
"Yes!" shouted Orangusnake looking quite triumphant as he leapt from his stolen throne.
The Orangutan also let out of whoop of excitement.
"Can have a piece of that cake?" asked Ramaraffe.
But with the music ended Orangusnake sighed again. "Look, I know y'all are trying to cheer me up, and I thank you for that. Don't think that I don't appreciate it, but I've realized what it is that's been gnawing at me."
"What's that?" asked Ratarang.
"Does it hurt, Boss?" asked Ramaraffe putting her hooves together with concern.
"Well, see. It's like this," said Orangusnake throwing his arms behind his back moodily. "Ever since I made the cheap-shot at Mao Mao, I just can't get over the fact that he's gone. It's like I can't move forward, see? It's like after all this time of playing good and evil together, I feel it kind of a shame it ended like it did. I think… I think I just need some closure or something."
"D'uh, huh?!" asked Ramaraffe.
"It's something that I can't expect you to understand," said Orangusnake lowering his head. "It's something only a hero and an arch-villain can truly appreciate. I feel a sense of loss with him gone so easily like that. Just beating him with a cheap trick and not a true victory of prowess and cleverness… if it's not too much trouble I'd like to go back to that waterfall… Y'know. Get it outa my system. Then I'm sure I'll be ready to go on to Sky City as planned at the great sky ports from which we've been separated for so long."
Silence befell the crew as they looked at each other with uncertainty.
"Uh…" said Ratarang.
"Sure thing, Boss," said Boss Hosstrich with care. "If that's really whatchya want."
"Thank you for your understanding," said Orangusnake lowering his head. "I'll admit that when I first saw that you three were all that remained of the original crew I did not have much faith in you, but now I see that the best crew members were the ones that remained with such loyalty and camaraderie as ours."
"Is it time for one of those hug moment things?" asked Ratarang scratching his head.
"No, not right now," said Orangusnake, and he turned away atmospherically with a whip of his cape.
"Oh, he's so boss!" said Ramaraffe in awe.
"Our booooooooooooooooss!" sang Boss Hosstrich and Ratarang together.
It echoed out into the sky beyond with the triumphant close of the music.
"Actually, I think he's just kinda bein' a killjoy," said Ratarang with s shrug eating some of the fruit-meatloaf off the floor.
"I heard that!" snapped Orangusnake. "I'm still in the room, for crying out loud. And could you get me some more of that recipe of your mother's! I like it more than I thought I would."
"I got it comin' here, Boss."
"All the great leaders are the melancholy type, Ratarang," muttered Hosstrich with a quiet and rather wise-looking nod. "It's the side effect of being a genius."
Ratarang gave a wince and a shrug before giving a fresh helping of fruit meatloaf to Orangusnake.
Was that a bark Mao Mao heard?
Oh, it was probably just an echo from one of those half-dreams he had been slipping in and out of as he drifted on his back along the seemingly endless river. On and on he had allowed himself to float. Barely moving, barely thinking, he drifted as though in another world. Only the thought of how stupid he was to fall for Orangusnake's trick filled him when he thought at all. The only part of him still tensed was the hand holding Geraldine, but even that was beginning to loosen.
He felt that he was drifting into a dream again about his ancestors looking away in shame of him, and Mao Mao sighed under the shadows of weeping willows arched over the clear water sparkling from the glints of light in between the leaves. Just as consciousness was about to leave him, he heard another faint echoing bark.
Though he opened his eyes a crack, he closed them again. If he did not know any better he would have said the bark was Bao Bao's, but it had to only be Bao Bao from his memories floating to the forefront of his mind. No one knew where Mao Mao was. He did not even know where he was, nor did he care. The images of a youthful anthromorphic cat mirthful and free flew through his mind like mists in the brush. A happy little dog ran beside him.
He could hear him panting now with that long pink tongue.
He could almost feel his breath, and it smelled pretty bad. It was pretty realistic for a dream. He did not consider it for very long, though, as it was just at this point that he felt a big bump on the top of his head. He drifted the other way just a little. The river caught him in the current again and bumped against the same obtrusion as before.
Prying open his eyes he blinked into the magical-looking rays coming through the tops of the trees. Gleaming white clouds blurred in and out above the green fuzzy shapes of leaves.
As he bumped into the bank a third time he moaned and sank a few inches in the shallow water; though, his eyes and nose still were above the surface. He found himself looking straight up at a huge, lolling wet pink thing. The sound of panting was very clear and something hot and moist fell right onto his nose.
"What?" he murmured.
Quickly now, he rolled over onto his knees. With hands in the grime at the bottom of the river, he looked right into the face of Bao Bao leaning down at the edge of the bank with paws over the side and panting patiently.
"Bao Bao?!" Mao Mao said, quite within his senses again.
Bao Bao barked in the affirmative and sat up straight as he wagged his fluffy curled tail.
Tears brimmed the cat's eyes. Despite himself, Mao Mao gave the dog a hug before he could stop, but he didn't let it last long. The dog made little grumbling dog sounds as though speaking some strange language.
Standing on his hind legs Mao Mao sniffled. "What do you mean, what am I doing here? What are you doing here?"
Bao Bao whined just a little.
"Oh," Mao Mao said rolling his eyes. "Alright fine."
He sat down on a log at the river's edge. After shaking the ends of his paws and then licking them a little, he relaxed and said, "Listen."
Bao Bao sat down next to the log and cocked his head attentively.
"I'm still a little ticked at you, but it's like this," Mao Mao said, and after a deep breath he poured out, "That loser Orangusnake. That loser who thinks he's my arch enemy? Yeah, you know the guy. Psychotic freak of a snake who sits on top of a monkey and thinks he's one person. That guy. Well, he got me."
"Brooff?" asked Bao Bao scratching his ear.
"Yeah, I fell for the stupidest 'look, what's that!' trick you ever saw," said Mao Mao. "I can't show my face as head of the Sheriff's Department anywhere near Pure Heart Valley. All my ancestors and my dad and all, they'd all be more ashamed than I dare to think. I can't even look at Geraldine in the blade." Without looking at the katana he wiped off the mud that he anticipated mucking her sheen. "No. Not after allowing myself to be tricked by such a loser so stupidly. I mean, if I fall for the cheap trick of a loser what's that make me?"
He threw his paws to his chest and turned suddenly to Bao Bao as though afraid the dog had already run off, but he was still there panting and looking Mao Mao straight in the eyes with his soft collected expression that he usually bore.
"Maybe you wouldn't understand, nothing like that ever happened to you," Mao Mao muttered leaning his elbows on his knees and staring into the river.
He could barely stand looking at his own reflection, and he sighed as he looked away from those miserable green eyes staring back.
"Ruff, roof, bruff, graroo!" garbled Bao Bao.
"Yeah, I know that some people might see it as cowardly to leave my post just cuz some guy punched me down a waterfall."
"Hraff, brah, grooff, huff, broomf, garoomff," Bao Bao added.
"I'm still alive enough to go back and face him again," muttered Mao Mao.
He smiled and gave a rather humorless chuckle with a shake of his head.
He closed his eyes. "Yeah…right…"
A few moments passed, and Mao Mao sat there on that log listening to the leaves dance in the trees and felt a strong gust of wind flow down and into his whiskers. Then his eyes shot open.
"Y'know," said Mao Mao. "You're right! It's stupid to just wallow here when I'm still alive, isn't it?"
Bao Bao cocked his head the other way curiously.
Standing upright, Mao Mao pounded his fist. "It's just that loser Orangusnake. Just cuz he pushed me down a waterfall once. I could push him down a waterfall a million times." He snorted with amusement. "I have pushed him down a waterfall a few times anyway. I mean, I wasn't going to wallow like this forever, so I hope you didn't think tha— Huh? Bao Bao…?"
The wind suddenly felt a little hallow.
Bao Bao was no longer sitting beside him.
"Bao Bao!" Mao Mao snarled. "Where did you—?"
A sharp bark sounded on the other side of him.
Blinking wide-eyed, Mao Mao turned his head sharply upstream where Bao Bao was looking back at him over his shoulder along the edge of the river back towards Pure Heart Valley.
Tears welled and a red smile spread out across Mao Mao's face.
"Thanks, Bao Bao," he choked, wiping the tears streaming down his cheeks.
Bao Bao panted happily again and barked.
"Right!" snarled Mao Mao again, but this time with determination. "Let's go get 'im!"
So off they raced together through the woodland. It was much like the old days in a way, except that he was missing his cape, but he soon found it, though ragged, not far from the place where he had begun drifting off from over the waterfall. He put it on, and thought he looked rather rugged. Then he began to climb up the side of the falls after Bao Bao.
Once at the top, Bao Bao hurried away chasing after a rabbit in his merry doggish way barking and growling as he went, but Mao Mao did not mind. He felt prepared for anything as he slipped into the last groove of the cliff before reaching the top himself, but just as he reached a paw for the grassy pinnacle, a mound of dirt suddenly fell on top of him.
"Ack!"
Angrily he popped his head out of the side of the mound over the cliff so that he looked a little like he was poking his head out the side of a taco. He was just about to yell at Bao Bao for digging over the top of him, but the annoyingly familiar voice of Orangusnake made him stop.
"There! We might as well fill in a spot that at least looks like a grave since there was no sign of his body."
Orangusnake could not see Mao Mao's head sticking out over the side of the cliff and had not heard him sputter dirt and growl over the sound of the roaring falls.
What is he DOING? Mao Mao thought.
Much to Mao Mao's displeasure, Orangusnake opened his mouth and revealed the depths of his psychological instabilities…