Bound
by
JJS4 and A.K. Hunter
Chapter Four
Alexis had known she'd wake up alone in bed. She had gotten used to it, but a small part of her hoped that maybe, just this once, she'd wake up in Kevin's arms. Just like she used to.
But instead she'd woken up alone to find that Kevin had already left for work some time earlier. She let out a loud sigh. She was tired, and not just because she didn't get enough sleep but because of Kevin and his recent change. She wasn't sure what was going on and Kevin wasn't really one to spill out his feelings, so she was mostly left with over-analyzing every single thing that could possibly make him act so differently.
Alexis wanted to be with Kevin, even given their less than perfect history. She really wanted to give them a fighting chance and for a long while it had been going well. She'd been happy, completely content with their relationship.
But something had changed. Kevin had changed, and he'd made that more than obvious to her the night before. She'd hoped that last night hadn't really happened. That it was just a stress dream, and that things were better than ever between her and Kevin. But it hadn't just been a dream.
Since their sex life had been virtually non-existent, Alexis wanted to spice things up. She'd gone shopping, buying the sexiest piece of lingerie she had ever owned, and planned on surprising Kevin when he got home from work.
Things didn't go as planned. When Kevin got home, she'd walked out of their bedroom, wearing nothing but the lingerie she'd bought. And for a moment, she'd really thought it had worked, because as soon as Kevin's eyes landed on her, he had a hard time looking away. His eyes were wide and his jaw went slack as he took her in.
She silently approached him, and when she was standing right in front of him, Kevin's eyes met hers. There was lust burning in his baby blues, and she pressed her body against his and crashed her lips to his. When his hands landed on her hips and he returned the kiss, it felt like months since he had touched her or had shown any interest in her.
The kiss hadn't lasted long enough to heat up. When Kevin gently pushed her back, she tried to catch his eye, tried to understand what she'd done wrong.
"What is it?" she'd asked.
"I'm just not in the mood, I just got home from work and I'm exhausted."
And that's when all the rejection of the last couple months had started to tumble down onto her. "You're exhausted?" she repeated. Being tired had never stopped him in the past. Alexis couldn't count the number of times he'd come home from long, grueling shifts only to pounce on her as soon as she was in his sights.
"Yeah." He walked past her, heading toward their bedroom. "It was a long day. All I want to do is shower and go to sleep." He stopped in the doorway, and her heart began to beat faster. Had he changed his mind? Was he just playing some sort of joke on her? His eyes met hers and she didn't see lust. She saw sadness and regret.
"You look gorgeous, Princess. Maybe another night?"
Alexis nodded so he would get out of her sight. She didn't want him to see her cry. She blinked back tears until he disappeared into their bedroom and the shower turned on.
Kevin rejected her and he didn't even have a reason, not a real one. She stood, staring blankly ahead, as she tried to shake off the rejection, but she couldn't. How could she? The man she lived with, the man she loved, was no longer attracted to her.
When had he stopped feeling that way about her? Kevin was never shy in the past. She'd lost count of how many times they had shower sex, sex on kitchen counter, or sex in the car. It didn't matter if he was tired, or sick, or stressed, or anything really. His desire for her didn't seem to have an off switch. She'd thought that their sex life was rock solid, but she thought wrong.
Alexis wanted to be able to brush it off, maybe he was going through something and would get over it. It had been going on for two months. The last time they'd had sex was after she'd asked him to stop spending time with Jenny. Though Alexis knew that correlation and causation weren't the same, she couldn't help but fixate on the coincidence. She couldn't brush it off.
She loved him so much, but she needed to face facts, maybe Kevin wasn't ready for a relationship with her after all. Maybe he was invested in someone else. Maybe that's why he'd looked at with those sad eyes—because he knew was going to have break her heart at some point. What he must not have realized was that he was already breaking it, one little piece at a time.
After getting out of bed, showering and getting dressed, Alexis grabbed the lingerie she had purchased the day before and tossed the set. They were as good as ruined now, anyway.
She didn't want to believe it, but she couldn't hide from the truth any longer. He wasn't attracted to her and it hurt like hell. She blinked rapidly to keep back her tears. She'd already allowed herself to cry in the shower once, and that was all she'd permit. She had to get to work, keep going through the motions, keep acting like her personal life wasn't slowly imploding.
Alexis made herself some coffee to go, looking around the apartment while she waited for the coffee to brew. There were her shoes by the door, her dishes from her dinner for one last night in the sink. She looked inside the refrigerator, noting that Kevin had stopped stocking his favorite beers in the fridge. That, for all points and purposes, it seemed like she was the only one eating their food. The only one really living at their apartment.
If she'd had an appetite at all lately, she would have been sick at the thought.
Sooner than she was ready for, Alexis found herself at work, staring down case files as dread thumped in her chest. For the past several months, work had been her only distraction from her slowly disintegrating personal life, but even that one escape was beginning to lose its power. She couldn't shake the feeling that things were breaking, maybe already broken, between her and Kevin and the life they shared. Like if she exerted just a little pressure, the whole thing would come crumbling down around her.
"Good morning, sunshine," Javier said, setting a mug of fresh coffee down on the desk next to her.
"Thanks," she mumbled.
"Drink up. We've got an appt with our suspect in interrogation in ten."
"Right." She tilted the mug back, willing the subpar blend that the precinct kept in the break room to give her the burst of energy she needed. They'd had reason enough to detain their suspect the night before and had let him wait overnight in holding. Now it was time to move in and see if he was really their guy. "I'll go make sure he's ready."
Alexis followed the routine path down to holding, running through case logistics in her head. She stopped in front of the cell holding their suspect, a thirty-four year old PR executive named Matthew Lucas. She was almost certain that Lucas was responsible for the murder of his ex-boyfriend. Now it was just a matter of convincing Lucas to do the right thing. Always easier said than done.
"Good morning, Matthew," she said to the man, who was curled up on the bench, his jacket draped over him. "I'd like to talk with you for a few minutes, if that's alright."
The man blinked sleepily at her, a frown twisting his face. His hair was mussed, and circled hugged his eyes. The first time Alexis had met him, he'd looked meticulous in a three-piece suit as he stood in the glass and steel office that overlooked downtown. He'd been a man in his element. Now he looked like a man destined for rock bottom.
"Fine," he spat. He sat up and rubbed his eyes. Alexis wasn't surprised by his capitulation. Suspects were always more malleable after a night in holding, and this suspect in particular looked like he was about to cry.
She nodded to the on-duty officer to open up the cell and stepped inside, brandishing her own handcuffs. "Stand up and turn around, please."
Matthew did stand up, but he didn't turn around. Instead, he knocked the cuffs from her hands and grabbed her by her throat, using the leverage to shove her body, face-first into the wall. Lights exploded behind her eyes as the side of her face made contact with the unforgiving stone. She crumpled to the cement floor, her her spinning and her right ear ringing.
"I'm not giving up everything I've buit—" Matthew began, then abruptly stopped as the officer tased him.
Alexis watched him fall to the floor, twitching and groaning, further ruining his expensive suit. Javier rushed in, no doubt hearing the commotion from the bullpen. "Come on," she heard through only one ear as he helped her to her feet and pulled her out of her cell. More police began to swarm around their suspect.
If he hadn't been guilty of a crime before, he sure as hell was now.
"Tell me he confessed," Alexis said to Javier as he returned from interrogation a few hours later. He'd gone in with Beckett while a medic gave Alexis a once-over and one of the city's paperpushers went over the workplace injury claim with her. What a waste of her morning.
The ear was still ringing, there were a couple fingerprint bruises on her neck, and her face throbbed with every heartbeat, but she didn't have a concussion. The medic suggested following up with a doctor in a few days if she experienced any residual hearing loss. Fan-freaking-tastic. She'd been waiting in the break room, watching through the windows for Javier and Beckett to emerge from interrogation.
"He's going away for a long time," her partner said simply, then winced at her face.
"Not my best look, huh?" she tried to joke. She hadn't yet dared to look in a mirror. It was a small, vain thing, but with the way her life had been going lately, she wasn't eager to see her face added to the list of messes.
He forced a smile. "I think you can do better."
"I can't believe how quickly he got the drop on me, Javi. I wasn't even prepared."
"He was fast, and a really big guy for you to be taking on by yourself."
"You could have taken him."
He smirked. "Well, not everyone was special forces."
She made the decision in a split-second. "Will you teach me?"
He paused, "What now?"
"Will you show me some moves? I know the basics, of course. But I don't want to be in that situation ever again." She bit her lip, a fresh wave of shame crashing over her for being taken down easily. She'd really thought he'd been ready to comply with her. He'd looked so worn down. Clearly, their suspect was a good actor.
He nodded. "Of course. We can start whenever you're ready."
"Thanks, Ja—"
"Alexis!" Kevin's voice cut across the homicide floor as he stepped off the elevator. Narcotics was only a few floors down, close enough that it didn't take long for news to travel. In fact, Alexis was surprised her boyfriend hadn't come storming upstairs sooner. Maybe he'd been busy with other things. Her lips twisted into a frown.
Alexis locked eyes with Javier. "You called him?"
"You didn't?" His eyebrows raised.
Alexis sighed, her fingers itching to cover her face as Kevin stormed into the break room. No, she hadn't called him. She'd learned the hard way over the last couple months that she couldn't count on him in times of need. And maybe she didn't want to give him another opportunity to let her down.
Kevin's eyes jumped around in panic, zeroing in on her, and more importantly, the raised, swelling on her face as he advanced. "Jesus." He reached out to touch her, but she stepped back before his hand could make contact with her.
"I'm fine, Kevin. It looks worse than it is." Her eyes cut to Javier, who was watching their dynamic with a frown.
"It's not fine. Someone hit you. Did you press charges? Where is he now?" Kevin demanded, turning to Espo for backup.
Alexis spoke for herself. "I did, and he's pled guilty to everything."
Kevin nodded. "Well that's something, at least."
"I'm gonna go check in on Beckett," Javier said, clearly giving them some space to be alone. Alexis sort of wished he wouldn't. It was more than a little infuriating that after months of neglect, Kevin was now acting like a mother hen just because a suspect had gotten rough with her.
His eyes scanned her again, a line of worry between his eyebrows. "Are you hurt anywhere else?"
She shook her head, wincing just a bit at the ache the movement provoked. "No."
In a moment, his arms were wrapped tight around her. "I'm so glad you're safe," he breathed into her neck. "I was so worried. Why didn't you call me?"
"What did you hear?" she asked, gently pulling herself out of his arms as she avoided his question.
"Just that a suspect had assaulted you."
"Well, I'm fine, so… You can get back to work."
"What?"
"You don't need to worry about me." She knew how strange the words must have sounded, considering how she looked, considering what he was to her, but this was what they'd come to.
He stared at her in disbelief for a moment before his shoulders slumped. His mouth twisted down into a grimace and he sighed. He was a detective, too; he could read between the lines with the best of them. And it didn't take a detective to know that something was terribly, perhaps irreparably, wrong between them. "Alexis, there's something I need to tell you."
She tensed. Was he going to break up with her now? What a way to kick her while she was down. She folded her arms over her chest. "I'm really not in the mood, Kevin. We can talk at home."
"We need to talk now."
Whatever you have to say—"
"I've been seeing Jenny."
It was like a record scratching in her brain. And the worst part of all, it was exactly what she'd expected. The ringing in her ear grew to a crescendo. "You have?"
"As friends," he corrected quickly. "But yeah. The last couple months…I've been spending time with her. She just need a friend right now, so…."
Alexis shook her head, then winced again. "I can't do this right now, Kevin. I really can't."
"I'm trying to come clean with you—"
"Why? Why now? You've kept this from me for the last two months, why now?"
His face fell. "When I heard that you got hurt—"
She held up her hands. "No. No, Kevin. I'm not doing this. You know what? You're a grown man. You can decide for yourself who you want to spend time with. You can make your own decisions who you want to love. You don't have to justify anything to me, but for the record, it shouldn't take getting knocked down by some thug for you to remember I exist." Her voice took on new anger.
"That's not it," he insisted. "I know you must be angry, but please let me take you home. You're right, we can talk more at home—"
"I don't want you to take me anywhere. Go back to work, Kevin. You've been gone the last two months. Maybe I've started to get used to you not being around." The words tasted almost like a lie, but she didn't care. "If you want to be with Jenny, then go be with her—"
"We're just friends."
"If you haven't been doing something wrong, then why have you been hiding this from me?" The anger sparking in her chest grew to an inferno. "You've been lying to my face for months—"
"I choose you," he said quickly, fear written across his face. "I want to be with you."
"I don't know if I choose you." She let her words smash into him. "Go back to work, Kevin. I need some space to think about all of this."
He grabbed her hand. "I love you, Princess. I know I've screwed up—"
The nickname made her flinch. "Get out!"
So he did. And she was left alone, just like she knew she'd be.
Relationships couldn't be predicted. Anyone who got involved in a relationship knew that there were going to be ups and downs and that most likely the relationship would dry up and would meet its inevitable end. Alexis knew that it wouldn't be smooth sailing from the first time she decided to actually commit to Kevin.
She knew that he had baggage and his own problems with commitment, but she had been willing to fight for them. It was funny to think that Kevin, the man who used to make her dread coming to work day after day was the same guy who she ended up falling hard for.
She'd used to believe that being with Kevin was among a few of the best decisions she had ever made, but now she felt like she might have made mistake by getting involved with him. His past was colliding with their present and she couldn't deal with it. Maybe she wasn't supposed to deal with it. Maybe she was better off cutting her losses and moving on.
Kevin had been lying to her, going behind her back for months to see Jenny. It surprised Alexis, but it shouldn't have. It was Jenny after all. Kevin's kryptonite. The woman who seemed to be all Kevin ever wanted. If she wasn't, why would he continue to put her feelings above Alexis'?
If Kevin truly loved her the way he said he had, Alexis wasn't sure why she would have to compete for his attention or love. She wasn't sure why he'd feel the need to lie and lie and lie.
Maybe he'd just thought of Alexis as a distraction and now that Jenny was back in the picture he just wanted to push her away. It made sense on a completely messed up level. Instead of pushing her away, Alexis wished that he would be a man about it and just tell her that it was over.
Alexis found herself sitting at bar, not knowing what she was supposed to do, besides trying to drink herself numb. After Javier and Beckett had teamed up to convince her to go home, she'd only stopped by the apartment long enough to changes her clothes and slap a coat of makeup over her bruised face. In the dim lighting of the bar, she was sure that nobody could see the bruises. She didn't want to be at home; she didn't think she could face Kevin, especially if everything he had been telling her for last year was all one big lie.
Each time he'd kissed her, told her he'd loved her, and made love to her, had he really felt it, or had he been wishing she was Jenny? Alexis felt like her heart was ripping in half. She wanted to curl into a ball and die.
She was so stupid to think that Kevin's new demeanor when it came to their sex life had to with stress from work. How stupid could she have been? It was Jenny. Jenny had to be the reason why Kevin and Alexis' sex life was moving along as the speed of a snail. Was Kevin sleeping with Jenny?
The thought made her want to vomit. She didn't want to think of Kevin that way, but what else was she supposed to think? He was pulling away emotionally and sexually. He had been lying to her about seeing Jenny for a while. Was she supposed to believe, at that point, that Kevin really loved her, and that his recent change had nothing to do with his ex being back in his life? Fat chance.
A few drinks later, Alexis realized something she'd been denying. Their relationship was over. Because Kevin wanted Jenny. Because Alexis wasn't and had never been good enough.
She drank the remaining vodka and cranberry juice from her glass before slamming it down on the counter.
"Can I buy you another drink?"
Alexis was pulled from her increasingly depressing thoughts. "What?"
"A drink? Can I buy you one?"
She looked over to find hazel eyes looking at her. She intentionally dragged her eyes up and down the man. He was attractive enough to make her get lost in looking at him. He wanted to buy her a drink? Why the hell not?
She pasted on a smile. "Sure."
While he got their drinks, Alexis took in more of him. From the look of his legs, he was tall, his hair was dark and had a slight curl to it. His skin was tan, and when he smiled at her, she was sure she'd never seen whiter teeth. To say that he was hot was a huge understatement.
"I'm Jason," he told her, handing her the shot he'd gotten for her.
"I'm Alexis."
She looked at him, wondering why out of all the women in the bar, he wanted to waste his time on her. So she asked him.
"Nobody should drink alone," he answered.
"Wise words."
"So," he turned in his seat so he could face her, "why are you, the most beautiful woman I've seen in a while, drinking alone?"
Beautiful? She wanted to laugh. If she was so beautiful, then why was she dealing with a broken heart. If she was so beautiful, why didn't Kevin want to touch her anymore? "Nobody wanted to join me." She took the shot.
"Shame on them," he told her with a smile. She almost wanted to laugh at the obvious flirting, but she couldn't find it in her to make him stop.
She didn't know how long it had been since Kevin flirted with her, and it was something she'd been missing. Technically she was in a relationship with a man that she loved, but that man was most likely spending the night with his ex's legs wrapped around his waist.
"Another one?" Jason asked, pointing to her empty shot glass.
"Why stop at just one more?" she asked, and he smirked. She wanted nothing more than to make the pain in her chest to fade. If that meant drinking more than she ever had before, she'd do it. She just wanted to to feel good, not broken. Hell, she'd settled for feeling nothing.
As she took another shot, Jason's hand landed just above her knee, gently squeezing her thigh before moving a little higher. She should have stopped him, but she didn't.