Stepping Forward

Chapter Five

It was dark when Hiccup opened his eyes. He blinked and stirred, shivering a little as he lifted his face from the warmth of Toothless' scales. The sky was black, but the full moon was low and the stars were beginning to dim. From the dim glow of the lantern fastened to the mast, he could see his friends and their dragons gathered around him, all still sleeping soundly.

Hiccup wasn't sure why he had woken, and he was about to nestle back down and try to doze for a while longer when he heard a slight sound-a rustle just a little too loud to be from the sails moving in the wind, and then a soft sob, quickly smothered. He turned his head and saw a slim dark figure moving towards the ship's bow.

He slipped out from under Toothless' protective wing, trying not to wake the Night Fury. Of course Toothless did wake, but when he opened his eyes, Hiccup laid a hand on the top of the dragon's head and whispered, "It's all right, bud. Go back to sleep."

Toothless hesitated, but then nodded and settled back down with a yawn as Hiccup silently followed the shadowy figure to the bow, carefully picking his way around his slumbering friends, dragons, and a long coil of rope near the forward mast. The person reached the bow and stopped, staring mournfully at the icy mountain a short distance before them.

A sharp gust of wind blew and, as the figure turned to wrap a blanket around her shoulders, Hiccup recognized his mother. Her face was wet with tears and Hiccup started to turn and slip away, thinking that she might want to be alone. But Valka saw him and held out her hand.

"Hiccup," she whispered, smiling a little through her tears.

So he went to her and they moved into each other's arms. They embraced for several long moments and then drew apart. Hiccup shivered again in the cold early morning air and Valka whispered, "Let's sit down and we can share the blanket."

So they sank down to the deck, huddling close, with the blanket pulled around their shoulders.

"I guess it's hard for you to come back here," Hiccup said softly.

"I was happy here." Valka looked at him almost guiltily, but Hiccup only nodded and she went on, "We all were. It was our home and he took such good care of all of us."

"Your Bewilderbeast?"

"Yes, our alpha," Valka spoke quietly. "You had only just met him, but I wish you could have gotten to know him better. He was so powerful, and yet always so kind, always welcoming. Anyone who needed help, who needed a home, found it here. He could be fierce; you saw that. He died trying to protect us. But he always had a sense of peace and wisdom. He was majestic. It's so hard to think that he's gone, that it's all gone."

Valka bowed her head and swiped at fresh tears. "I love you and your father, more than ever, and I'm glad to be back with you. But I miss Alpha and my old home too." She gave him a sad smile. "I'm sorry. I suppose that doesn't make much sense."

Hiccup shook his head. "Yes, it does. Maybe it's a little like how I love my life now. I'm so much happier than I used to be, but at the same time, sometimes it's overwhelming and a little scary because it is so different and people expect so much more from me now. Sometimes I think it was easier when everyone expected me to mess things up."

Valka reached to lightly touch his cheek. "I'm sure they didn't—"

"Oh yes, they did." Hiccup laughed a little. "You've only seen this—" He waved a hand helplessly. "Where most people like me and I have friends and all. But this is actually pretty new."

"Your father has told me that he made a lot of mistakes raising you and how badly he feels about it," Valka said. "He said that he was a terrible father, but the two of you seem so close now…" her voice trailed off as she gazed at him wonderingly.

"He wasn't a terrible father," Hiccup loyally defended Stoick. "It's just that we didn't understand each other very well. But then I almost died when we fought against the Red Death and after that Dad tried really hard to make things right between us. We got to know each other better, and it helped that we didn't have to fight dragons anymore, too."

He suddenly realized that he had changed their discussion from Valka's sorrow to talking about himself. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to take over the conversation."

But his mother was already shaking her head. "No, I want to know everything about you, Hiccup. You're my son, and yet, there's so much I don't know." She looked at him, almost shyly. "I thought I was the doing the best thing by staying here, that we were all better off. But now I wonder. For the dragons, yes, I'm sure I did some good helping to rescue them. But I wasn't there for you all those years, when you needed someone to be on your side. Maybe if I had been here, things would have been better. Maybe you could have grown up in a happy home, at least."

Hiccup studied her gravely. "I don't know, Mom. I've been thinking a lot about it all these past weeks. I do wish that you had been there when I was growing up, but at the same time, I just don't know how it could have worked out. Could you have been happy living on Berk while the war was going on? If you had tried to end the war, would Dad and the others have listened to you?"

Valka sighed. "I don't think anyone could have ended the war without defeating the Red Death. She had the dragons completely under her control. And I don't think I could have done that."

"So we'll never know what it would have been like if you had come back," Hiccup said. "Maybe we would have been happy, but maybe not. Maybe things would have been better, but maybe they would have been worse."

Hiccup hesitated, but then leaned against her and rested his head on her shoulder. "I'm just glad you're here now."

"Me too." Valka leaned against him in turn. "I just wish Alpha hadn't had to die." She swallowed hard. "And we just left him there. I know we had to then. There wasn't any time. We had to focus on saving the other dragons and Berk. But I should have come back and done something. I shouldn't have just left him lying there." She broke off with a choked sob.

Hiccup was quiet a moment before suggesting, "Perhaps we could do something now. We could find his body and burn it? Kind of like a funeral pyre?"

Valka took a deep breath. "Yes. We should do that."

They both fell silent, just watching the icy-spiked mountain and the gentle ocean waves as the sky lightened to gray and then the first sliver of the bright sun rose over the horizon.

"People will be waking up soon," Hiccup finally murmured.

Valka nodded and they stood. But as they started to leave the bow, she reached to hug her son and hold him close.

"Thank you, Hiccup."

He hugged her back but said, "I didn't do anything."

"Yes, you did. You made me feel a little better—about everything." Valka stepped back and smiled at him. "Thank you for being yourself."

She hurried off towards the women's quarters, but Hiccup remained where he was for a moment, his own eyes filled with tears. For so much of his childhood, he had despised himself. He had always been too small, too weak, too different from everyone else. When his father had taken him hunting, Hiccup couldn't bring himself to loose the arrow. When the other children had run about, hitting and bashing with their toy swords and hammers, he had wanted to create imaginary games to play. When they had bragged about the future glory of slaying dragons to defend the village, Hiccup had tried to copy them, but inwardly he had felt sick at the very thought.

He had spent so much time and effort trying to change himself, trying to make himself acceptable—to his father, to his peers, to the village at large. He couldn't remember a single time during those years when he had felt at peace with himself. It would have meant everything to have had someone who loved him, was proud of him, just for being himself.

/Brother, are you all right?/

Startled, Hiccup looked around sharply to find Toothless watching him, his wide-set emerald eyes filled with concern.

Hiccup smiled, though a little sadly, and hugged his Night Fury brother. "Thank goodness I found you, Toothless," he whispered. "I don't think I could have lasted much longer without you."

That only made the dragon more worried. /What's going on? What were you and Mom talking about?/

Hiccup stepped back and rubbed Toothless' head. "Nothing. Just something she said made me remember how unhappy I was before you. But it's all right now. Just promise you'll never leave me."

/I would never deliberately leave you, you know that./

"Good, because you're my first and best friend, and I can't get along without you." Hiccup told him solemnly. He tried to shake off his melancholy mood and spoke more cheerfully. "You hungry? Shall we see about catching your breakfast?"

Toothless didn't move. /Are you sure you're all right? Do you want to talk? Should I get Dad?/

Hiccup quickly shook his head. "No, I'm fine. Really. Come on, it's going to be a long day so we might as well get started."

The Night Fury still didn't look entirely reassured, but the other dragons were waking and taking off into the air to find their morning meal. The Dragon Riders were climbing to their feet and heading off to clean up and change before breakfast, and a few fishermen had come up on deck to begin the early morning chores.

"Hiccup? You coming?" Fishlegs called to him.

He nodded. "As soon as Toothless has eaten."

Astrid blew him a kiss. "I'll save you a spot at the table. Don't be too long." She grinned at the Night Fury. "Eat quickly, Toothless!"

Toothless huffed. /As if the two of you aren't going to spend the whole day together./

"Well, we will be working," Hiccup pointed out.

Toothless huffed again. /Flying isn't work./

Hiccup grinned. "Yea, I know. Don't tell Dad."

He hurried to get Toothless' saddle and a few minutes later the two of them were soaring into the air, surrounded by the rest of the dragon flock. The air was sharp and biting. It made Hiccup catch his breath and it stung his cheeks, but it was still exhilarating. He hung on tightly

and crouched low over the Night Fury's neck as Toothless dove towards the cold waters, skimming the waves and ducking his head in to catch fish. Icy droplets splashed Hiccup's face and hair, but he was so caught up in the freedom of flying, he barely noticed.

But all too soon Toothless rose and circled back towards the flagship.

As always, Hiccup checked to be sure he had had enough to eat. "It's all right if I'm late. They all know I need to help you catch your breakfast."

/I've had enough for now./ Toothless assured him as they landed lightly on the deck. /You go on and I'll wait here./

So Hiccup hurried to the captain's quarters. As he expected, Stoick had already gone down to the mess hall, but Hiccup's trunk was there. He quickly washed off and changed into his flight suit before hurrying down to join the others. Valka was sitting beside Stoick, and they waved him over when he came in.

"Your father and I are going ashore after lunch to set fire to—the remains," Valka said quietly. "You'll come too, won't you? With Toothless?"

Hiccup nodded. "Of course, if you want me to."

"I do."

Stoick patted his son's arm. "Hiccup, you go ahead and eat. The rest of us need to get started." He raised his voice, "All right, everyone. Let's head up!"

Hiccup and Astrid exchanged a quick kiss and greetings, and then she led the other teens up to the main deck where their dragons waited while Hiccup quickly polished off a plate of eggs and biscuits.

He and Toothless joined the others a short time later and they spent the morning helping to locate schools of fish. Valka and Cloudjumper took the lead as they were familiar with the waters, but all the dragons did their share. The Seashockers helped to herd the fish into the nets and by all accounts, it was a successful morning.

After lunch, the Haddock family took off for the Sanctuary, Valka and Stoick on Cloudjumper and Hiccup with Toothless, while the Seashockers led everyone else towards a new area nearby.

Cloudjumper and Toothless landed on the icy shore and their humans slid off. Stoick glanced at the red Stormcutter with an uncertain expression. Whenever he rode Toothless, or even Grump on occasion, he always made sure to thank them for the ride, but he and Cloudjumper were still figuring out their relationship. Stoick had, understandably, been resentful of the dragon that had carried away his wife, but he had to accept that she loved Cloudjumper dearly and that he and the Stormcutter needed to make their peace for the family to fully mend.

So he nodded and said a curt, "Thanks."

But then Cloudjumper looked at him, and he couldn't help but be touched by the sorrow on the dragon's face. Of course it would be a grievous thing for him too, to return to his lost home and see his beloved fallen leader.

So Stoick paused, but then slowly held out a hand towards the Stormcutter.

Cloudjumper also hesitated, but then pressed his face against the Chief's hand.

Hiccup smiled watching them, and even Valka's spirits seemed to lift a little. She squeezed Stoick's hand in thanks and smiled at her dragon before turning back to Stoick.

"Why didn't Skullcrusher come along?"

"Well, I didn't think I'd be doing any flying on this trip, and he's so intelligent and protective that Toothless wanted him to be in charge of the Berk dragons while we were gone," Stoick explained.

Valka looked over at Toothless. "A good choice. He is a kind and wise dragon."

/Thank you./

Valka's smile faded as she turned away. She and Cloudjumper stepped closer together in mutual comfort, but as they all looked around, they realized that there was no sign of the fallen Bewilderbeast. Gray waves slapped against the shoreline, and dark rocks and ice shards stood out in stark relief against the snow, but that was all.

"Maybe this isn't the right spot after all?" Hiccup asked doubtfully.

But Valka shook her head. "I'm sure it is."

She and Cloudjumper began walking around, searching. As they moved further away Stoick leaned close to Hiccup and Toothless and spoke in a low voice. "I hate to say it, but it's been a month. With the body left out in the open, maybe there isn't anything left by now."

"Surely there would be some sign," Hiccup murmured back. "Wouldn't there?"

Stoick grimaced. "I don't know."

Hiccup noticed a wall of rock that looked vaguely familiar. He hadn't been paying much attention to the landscape during that fateful encounter, but he thought that had been the place where Drago's Bewilderbeast had taken control of Toothless, where he had nearly lost his father. He suppressed that horrible memory and glanced at Stoick and Toothless, both of whom wore such grim expressions that he knew they had noticed the spot too.

The Night Fury started to speak, but then stopped, his head bowed in regret and shame. Hiccup moved towards him, but Stoick reached him first.

"None of that now," he ordered. "It wasn't your fault and we all know it."

Toothless didn't look up. /But I almost killed you. I almost killed you both—my own family./

Stoick took the Night Fury's head in his hands and raised it so Toothless had to look him in the eye. "Drago Bludvist almost killed us, not you. Toothless, you saved us from him. You fought that huge monster to keep us safe. You've always protected us and you have nothing to feel badly about."

/But-/

"No, no 'buts'," Stoick insisted. "You've got a good and true heart, and I'm not going to let you torture yourself over this anymore. Got it, Dragon?"

Toothless gave Stoick a gentle shove with his head. /Got it, Puny Human./

Stoick actually laughed. "Well, that's a new one. Don't think I've ever been called that before."

"No, that's me," Hiccup commented wryly.

Stoick pulled him close with an arm around his son's shoulders. "Now, don't you start. Both of my boys are great and I wouldn't have you any other way."

The three of them were still standing together when Valka and Cloudjumper returned.

"I'm sure this is the right place, but there's nothing here." Valka's eyes were filled with tears.

Stoick sighed and left Hiccup and Toothless to go to her. He touched her shoulder and said softly, "Val, maybe—"

A loud sound of splashing water interrupted him and a sudden icy mist floated in the air.

Humans and dragons spun around to see a gigantic alabaster creature rising from the depths of the sea nearby.

Hiccup's mouth dropped open in shock as they all stared speechlessly for a long moment.

Then Valka rushed forward, only to stop at the water's edge and fall to her knees. "You're alive!"

Author's Notes: How's that for a surprise?

CHSHiccstrid, I especially wanted to thank you for your reviews, for both stories. I can't PM you, since you're a guest, but I wanted you to know that I really appreciate it!

Thanks to everyone reading, and please leave a review if you enjoy it!