Chapter Twelve

According to her dad, Sebastian had potential of becoming a very successful writer. Of course her father knew a lot people who were writers or who were aspiring to become writers, so when he told her about Sebastian, he had talked him up quite a bit. It almost made it impossible for Alexis to say no to going on a date with him.

She wasn't excited about the idea of going on the date, but she said yes, mostly because she wanted her father to back off when it came to her lack of a dating life, but also because her father didn't ask a lot from her and she wanted to reassure him that she wasn't giving up on dating people. Of course that was a lie, at least for the time being.

She figured that she would go, play nice, pretend to have a great time and she would never see the Sebastian again.

As it turned out, Sebastian was a great guy. He was a little awkward, but in a charming way. He was nice and sweet and genuinely seemed interested in whatever Alexis had to say. He was clean shaven, well built and had amazing green eyes. If this date had come at any other point in her life, Alexis would consider going on another date with him, but she just wasn't interested in trying to juggle everything all at once.

Kevin had left a scar, and it hadn't healed. Trying to date someone wouldn't be fair to her or anyone else.

She wondered what that she said about her as a person, that she was more than willing to agree to be someone's submissive for a case, rather than to call it quits and enjoy an evening out with a well-educated and charming guy.

Alexis didn't want to overanalyze it all. The case was important, and working at the club was her only way of finding the killer, so that's what she had to do. She told herself that it was as simple as that. Tracking down murderers was more important than having a nice dinner and flirting.

Dinner was almost over and Sebastian and Alexis had talked about a lot of things. Nothing too personal. They talked about Castle for a bit, but Alexis didn't share the chaos that was her and her father's relationship. Sebastian talked about his education and what led him on the path of wanting to become a writer.

It was interesting, but Alexis couldn't focus too hard on his words. The case had been on her mind all day, and that wasn't all that was on her mind. For better or worse, Fenton O'Connell had wormed his way into her head as well.

She didn't like it, but Fenton was her access key to the club and she was planning to use him just as much as he surely planned on using her.

"I'm sorry if I'm boring you. Once I start talking about something I'm passionate about, I can get a bit lost."

Alexis drew her attention to the man sitting across from her. She almost felt bad about leading him on. "Don't worry. I completely understand."

"Anyway, enough about me. Being a detective must be a very interesting and thrilling job," he said, in an excited voice.

"Sometimes it can be very interesting, but it's a pretty boring job, too."

"Paperwork?" he guessed.

"Yeah. I wish it was always about helping people and catching the bad guys, but sometimes it can get really mind-numbing."

While that statement was true, Alexis felt like she was lying. At that point in time, Alexis' job had never been more thrilling or interesting.

Deciding to go through with Fenton's deal had been easier than she expected, which led Alexis to believe that she had agreed with Fenton for more than one reason. She knew that part of her agreeing had more to do with her than the case. But it also scared her, knowing that she was a bit excited about how things were progressing with Fenton. It wasn't smart on her part, but it was necessary.

From the research she had done about D/s relationships, Alexis was almost sure that she was in over her head, but she was also looking forward to exploring that side of herself. She would never classify her sex life as exciting or daring, but the closest it had ever come to being called that was when she was with Kevin.

Alexis hadn't slept with anyone since Kevin and even though it was selfish, she did miss sex. She missed it a lot. Sometimes she thought she was stupid for punishing herself for what happened with her and Kevin, because she almost certain that Kevin was probably moving on with his sex life, so why not her?

Her research led her to think about what kind of a dom Fenton would be. She must have played out a thousand different scenarios between her and Fenton, trying to figure out what he would say or do to her. She blamed her vivid imagination on the wine she had been drinking.

The thought of being a sub and thinking of some of the things that Fenton might make her do, was thrilling and if she thought about it too much, she found herself being turned on. It wasn't right to think of using the case and her new connection with Fenton to play out some kind of sexual fantasy of hers and she knew that, but she didn't know if once their sessions started, if she be able to keep it professional.

"Your father told me that you just got out of a relationship," Sebastian prodded, as they finished their drinks.

Alexis sipped on her wine and nodded. "Yes. I won't bore you with all the details, but things didn't end well between us."

"I've been there," he sympathized. "My ex and I broke up after seven months of dating. I found out that she and one of co-workers had been seeing each other behind my back."

"Wow, I'm sorry to hear that."

"Yeah, it wasn't an easy time for me, but I feel like I'm better off without her being in my life."

Alexis nodded, but then put her head down, feeling a loss for words. After all, she was more like his ex than she wanted to admit. Maybe it was a good thing for him that this was only going to be a one-time thing.

"Good for you."

"I think your father thought of you, once I told him about my ex. I think he worries about you."

"I know he does." Alexis shook her head and sighed. "I understand why he worries, I truly do, but I wish he wouldn't meddle so much."

"That's what parents do. He's probably concerned you've given up on the idea of entering another relationship."

Alexis didn't know what to say to that without hurting Sebastian's feelings. "Sometimes you just need to take a break from dating. There's no shame in that, right?"

"Of course not. Self reflection is very important."

Alexis wanted to agree with him, but she had done a lot of self reflecting and it hadn't done much to sway her thoughts about herself. She did something horrible and that was evidence that she didn't deserve someone as nice as Sebastian. She deserved to be alone, and she knew that she would be for a while.

After finishing their drinks and Sebastian paid for the meal, Alexis struggled with how she was supposed to let him down easy. If he wanted another date, she knew that she would have to decline, which would not make her look good at all.

"Thanks for having dinner with me tonight."

"Oh, it was pleasure, really. My dad was right, you are a very nice guy."

Sebastian grinned. "I would ask for a second date, but after our talk in the restaurant, I'm fairly certain you aren't looking for anything to come of this."

Alexis looked down, almost grateful that she didn't have tell him that herself. "You're also very perceptive."

"I like to think I am." He smiled sadly. "I get it. It's hard to move on after ending a relationship."

"You're not upset?"

"No, of course I'm not." He shook his head. "I am a bit disappointed that I won't be able to take you out again, but it's clearly not a good time for you."

"I hope you know that it has nothing to do with you."

He nodded. "Maybe when you're ready, you'll consider giving me a call?"

"I'll definitely keep that in mind."

"And that's all I can ask for."

Alexis smiled, grateful that he was making this easy for her. "Thank you for dinner, I really did like getting to meet you."

"Likewise."

After a small, friendly hug, they went their separate ways. As if her mind was arguing with itself, she felt an urge to call after him, to tell him that she would like to go on another date. After all, it had been a perfectly pleasant date with a very sweet guy. Another part of her mind, the stronger one, told her to let him go. Her life was hectic enough and that he didn't need to be involved.

Alexis hailed a cab and stared out the car window and thought about how the evening had gone. She knew for sure that dating wasn't a priority and that she needed to keep her eye on what was important and that was the case.

She thought about the victim, about all the evidence that she had filed permanently away into her brain. She couldn't believe what she was going to do in order to find the answers that were needed, but she knew that she had to do something.

As the city lights passed by her window, her mind kept flashing back to Fenton and what was to come of her deal with him.

Fenton couldn't remember the last time he'd been so nervous. All night long, he'd told himself to keep it together, that he was in control, that he didn't have to treat Alexis as anything other than the average sub.

Every single one of those thoughts felt like a lie. Sooner than he would have liked, there was a light knock at his office door, and Alexis stepped in.

It was time for their first session.

She certainly looked the part, with her short skirt and corset top. Her red curls just brushed against the top of her shoulders, which were squared forward in determination. Kevin helpfully reminded him that she stood that way when she wanted to feel strong. Her lips were pursed in a twisted blood-red grimace, and she watched him warily.

He glanced at the fine brandy in a glass decanter on the edge of his desk, suddenly feeling that a drink would be just the thing to take the edge off of the mindfuck standing in front of him.

"Hello," she said, her voice quiet and firm.

He stood with a barely suppressed sigh. "I didn't think you'd come."

"I said I would. I like to keep my word."

The detective on his shoulder turned mean in an instant. "I bet you do" is what Kevin wanted to say, but Fenton instead gestured to the chaise lounge. "Sit. We have some things to discuss.

Instead, she took a seat on the opposite side of his desk, looking for all points and purposes like a partner on the other end of a business deal, rather than the woman who would be submitting to him. She'd barely been in his office for thirty seconds, and already she was defying him.

"Let's talk limits," he said without preamble.

She looked confused.

"Your limit is where you draw the line. Everything else is negotiable. For instance," he began, "I'm not interested in sleeping with you, and that's a hard limit."

"You don't want to sleep with me?" she asked, dumbfounded, as if it had never occurred to her that he wouldn't want to fuck her. Fenton didn't quite know what to make of that, but he was certain that it wouldn't bode well.

The detective inside him seethed a little at her confusion. Was she just looking for an easy lay? That didn't seem right. If that was all she wanted, then why hadn't she slept with all the other doms she'd strung along? "No offense, but I like to at least know a person before I get in bed with them."

"Of course," she agreed. "Me, too."

Kevin disagreed, and knew from experience that she didn't always agree in this regard. Fenton fought the urge rub his face and show how very frustrated he was with the situation in front of him. "What are your limits, Alexis?"

"Um…" She blinked a few times, her eyes landing anywhere but on him, like she was searching the office in front of her for the answer. "I'm not sure."

"You're not sure? You don't know what you don't want to do?" This was supposed to be the easy part.

"I'm not very experienced with all this. I don't know what I don't like."

"Okay." He exhaled. "Tell me about the experience you do have. You've never had a dom?"

She shook her head.

"Never got a little kinky in the bedroom with a boyfriend?"

A blush spread over her cheekbones, and Kevin helpfully reminded him of their less vanilla encounters. Bingo. "And you liked those things. What did you like?"

"It's private."

"I'm trying to determine our terms, here, Alexis. It's a very important conversation, and I can't be your dom if you won't talk to me about this," he reminded her. God, he wished—not for the first time—that she'd never come into his club. He felt responsible for her, which was stupid and dangerous all on its own, but Alexis also seemed closed off, icy, and determined to keep him at arm's length. Which would be fine if she wasn't also expecting him to be her playmate. S

he couldn't have it both ways. She couldn't play a little sex kitten and a withholding prude, and she couldn't take up his precious time and then not play by his rules. "And I'm sure I don't need to remind you that I'm the only option in this place."

She bit her lip. "Fine. He pulled my hair sometimes."

"And?"

"And he liked to pin me down, or tie my hands."

"Did you like it?"

There was a pause, and Fenton was sure she was going to turn into a tomato with how red her face was. "Yeah."

"Okay, so you like restraints and hair pulling. What else did he do?"

She shook her head, and Fenton found himself standing at his full height. The desk still separated them, but it gave him a physical advantage over her, made his frame take up more of her gaze. He purposely stepped around the desk, slowly, like a predator casually stalking its prey. He stood behind her chair, watching as her defenses went up, as her shoulders curled forward, her already tense body turning into a tightrope. He let his fingertips ghost over the back of her head, teasing her scalp, the back of her neck, and he twirled a few strands of her russet hair between his fingertips.

"Tell me," he commanded.

She cleared her throat, clearly affected by him standing so close. "Um…."

"Come on, pretty girl." His fingers sank into her thick tresses, twining the strands between his digits and pulling just hard enough to send tingles of sensation over her scalp. "Tell me what else you like."

A delicate little gasp slipped through her lips, and Fenton felt his blood run south. "It's… it's sexual."

He tugged those strands a little tighter, his cock filling as Alexis' breaths sped up. "Tell me."

"He'd use toys on me. He spanked me once. And-and sometimes he'd make me wait…"

"Wait how?"

"To come," she breathed.

Christ, how was this basic conversation such a fucking turn on? While Fenton tried to keep himself in line, he could feel Kevin rising up inside him, running her words against a memory catalogue, making sure everything she said lined up with past events between the two of them, searching for new entries that he wasn't a part of. Now was not the time to be jealous.

Fenton released her hair and idly ran his fingers through the strands, a gentle caress now as a reward for her submission. "Restraints, impact play, sensation play… sounds like we've got plenty of places to start."

He put some space between them, leaning against the edge of the desk in front of her, the filthier parts of his mind helpfully reminding him that her chair put her mouth right in line with his cock. He ignored that, totally content with the almost sweet expression in the redhead's eyes. The beginning of submission. cleared his throat, "I bet you were a good sub for him, even if that's not the label you used."

The second the words left his mouth, her demeanor changed. He saw the exact moment the walls went back up, and she looked away, her mouth thinning into a frown. "Not good enough," she mumbled.

"That's not what I meant—"

"I know it's not."

His mouth twisted into a frown, and that satisfied feeling dissolved around him. "Alexis, there's nothing wrong with wanting that dynamic… even if it's not with him."

"I know," she repeated.

He sighed. "Okay, it seems like our hard limits are the same, and we've got some places to start. Do you have a safe word?"

She nodded. "Red."

"Should we get started?" He leaned a little closer, trying to coax her into looking at him. Talking about her ex-boyfriend had sent her to a dark place, that much was easy to tell. Kevin was both triumphant and sad to see her reacting that way, and his own memories of their breakup made him feel something like shame. Fenton reminded himself that she might not be talking about Kevin, and that only made the detective feel protective of the redhead in front of him.

"With what?"

He reached into his desk and pulled out a blindfold. "Sensation play, for starters. We'll start slow."

She shook her head. "I'm not putting that on."

"Why not?"

"I'm not going willing let go of my sight. I don't even know you."

Her answer was ridiculous, in the context of what she was willing to do with him, though her self-protection instincts were pretty spot-on. Fenton remembered that the last time her sight had been taken away, she'd ended up with a bruise on her face and passed out in his office. "You can just close your eyes, if you prefer."

"Okay."

"Stand up," he said, and she slowly followed his order, frowning a bit.

He moved a couple of things aside, opening up some space for her on the desk. "Sit up here, lean back, and put your arms behind you. Palms on the desk."

She didn't move immediately, and he let his voice drop to that low pitch. "Now, pretty girl."

She settled in the right position, leaning back with her arms braced behind her, her chest thrust out, the long line of her neck exposed, and her hair hanging free between her shoulders

"Now close your eyes, and keep them closed."

"Wait, Mr. O'Connell." She breathed.

"What is it?"

"I want to know more about you…"

He cocked his head to the side. "What do you want to know?"

Her eyes darted around again, landing everywhere but on his face. "Umm… how long have you been working here?"

What the hell kind of question was that? It felt like a moment of rushed, forced small talk at the least opportune time, but that couldn't be it. His alarm bells were ringing like they did before one of the lowlifes he worked with was gonna screw him over. And his instincts were never wrong. Fenton leaned forward, grasping Alexis' chin and tilting her head up so she was forced to look in his eyes.

"What's this about?" he demanded, his voice soft but low.

"I-I want to get to know you better. I told you some things about me."

He shook his head. "People who ask those kinds of questions typically end up on the wrong side of a gun."

A crease appeared between her eyebrows, and he saw that fire ignite, that stubborn defiance. "Are you threatening me?"

"Just stating a fact, gorgeous."

"And deflecting my question."

His eyes narrowed. "A year. That's how long I've been here."

"And what do you do here?"

"Why are you suddenly so curious?"

"I want to know who I'm dealing with." She pouted her lips out a bit.

He was missing something, and she was lying. He knew it in his bones. "You know my name. You know my limits. I plan to respect your limits. And you know that I'm your only choice in this place. What more do you need to know?"

Alexis bit her lip, drawing his attention to her mouth. "I saw a woman trying to buy drugs from you the other night."

There was an unspoken question in her statement, and it felt more like an accusation than anything else. He stepped back. "And?"

"Is that what you do here?"

There wasn't an ounce of desire left in his body. Instead, his instincts were screaming about the threat in front of him. The liability. The lying, deceiving woman who was meddling in his affairs. A moment of insight sparked inside him. She was questioning him. Not trying to get to know him as a sub. She was questioning him like a suspect.

Fenton suddenly realized how vulnerable she was. Alone in his office with him, half draped over his desk, her physical disadvantage was almost laughable. And though he'd never hurt her, Kevin wouldn't let him even if Fenton had wanted to, it was all too easy for his mind to fill in the blanks. To detail all the ways he could get her to break, to explain what the hell she was doing there in the first place.

He trailed his fingertips up her cheekbone. "If I told you yes, would you leave?"

"Do you want me to leave?"

He cupped her face in his hands, leaning in close. "I want you to stop playing games with me. Stop asking questions that'll put you on the wrong end of a bullet. You understand me, gorgeous?"

Her eyes narrowed. "And if I don't stop?"

Christ, she was stubborn. And reckless. And being pretty goddamn stupid. "Then you know where the door is."

"How am I supposed to trust you to touch me when I know nothing about you?"

"Right. Because I'm the only one here with secrets," he said sarcastically.

"I told you about my experience—"

"All I know is that you have a taste for kink and went through a bad breakup. Not exactly useful information. And it certainly doesn't explain why you showed up out of the blue and messed around with some of the most dangerous doms in this club, or why I can't seem to get you to leave even though you clearly aren't here to play. Now you're asking about drugs? Do you have any idea what this looks like?"

"We're done here." Alexis hopped off the desk, grabbed her purse and headed to the door.

Fenton caught her by the arm. "You didn't get what you were hoping for, huh?"

"Let go," she snarled.

He squeezed her arm a little tighter. "I don't want to catch you down on the floor again, do you understand me? Find another club."

Alexis yanked her arm out of his grip, flashed him the middle finger, and slammed the door on her way out.