Genesis

Note: This chapter is less of a fanfiction and more of a crossover. As some of you may have noticed, Pan has a rather extensive backstory. In fact, she has an entire book I am writing. But not from her perspective, the book is told from Jeff's POV, which makes Pan a rather annoying character from the outside. But I like her anyway. There won't be much SG1 in this chapter and I tried to keep it short (in vain). The content of this chapter is probably not relevant for the following stories, but I thought some of you might want to know a little more about my protagonist. I also don't guarantee that once I finish writing Pan's story (or 'Stones of Souls' as it is called at the moment) it will actually stick to this summary. I have about three different endings thought up, but I thought this one would be the most interesting one to tell you. Enjoy the read.

'Right,' I said after a long pause and took a deep breath. 'This isn't as easy as I thought when I was planning to tell someone.'

I paused and played with the hem of my dress. Where to start? How far back did I have to go? I could feel Sam's eyes on me and my skin started to burn under her stare. At least there was some of it I didn't need to explain, I hoped.

'How well do you know the bible?,' I asked, and I could tell that she hadn't expected that.

'Reasonably,' she answered and raised her eyebrows. 'I think I know the basic content, but if you want to go into details...'

'Adam and Eve,' I interrupted her. 'Satan, Lilith, angels and demons. Jinns.' I counted on my fingers. 'Golems. Oh, and Sodom and Gomorrah.

'Sorry,' I continued when I saw her face. 'I know about half of that isn't in there anyway. But you heard of most of it?'

'Well, yes,' she replied. 'Adam and Eve is a classic, everyone knows Satan, and Sodom and Gomorrah were the two cities destroyed by fire. But the rest...'

'I'll get to that,' I said, smiling to myself. It occurred to me that with my background knowledge, theology or anthropology would have been better choices for my studies than art and literature, but it hadn't been up to me whether I actually wanted to learn all those things. 'If you already know about the fall from paradise and the destruction of Sodom and Gomorrah, I don't need to start at the very very beginning. For me, and for my friends, it all started the day I met Jeffrey Brooks, journalist and lightning rod for the world's bad luck. Imagine him like Clark Kent, but unattractive. A worn suit, hat, glasses, old trench coat and briefcase, combined with retreating brown hair, a short scruffy looking beard and eyes so sad even the beggars wanted to give him money. Also imagine a little rain cloud over his head, following him wherever he went.' I grinned. He really had been a sorry character when I met him. Pitying himself on a daily basis, no friends outside work, his only family his demented mother he visited once a week, and an estranged sister. But I had to stay focussed, Sam didn't need to know all that.

'I had an early start,' I continued my tale. 'It was a grey day in late October in Oxford, drizzling and quite cold for the time of year. Actually I met Jeff quite early, when he skipped the queue at the bakery to get his coffee, and the rest of the shop turned against him for not waiting his turn. But it wasn't until about an hour later when we met again that I learned his name. From the bakery I went to the supermarket to get some groceries for my nonna, where a man approached me. He was wearing a white dress, almost like a nightgown, and he had long brown hair, blue eyes, a beard and apart from that feature a sexless and ageless face.

'His voice was very gentle, and he told me to leave this place or else I would be destroyed with it.'

Sam's eyes got wide for a moment, but she didn't interrupt me.

'I thought he was a weirdo, so I ignored him and went about my business. When I was queueing at the check-out he turned up again and he said: "Since you didn't take heed, I must protect you, for it is my duty to see that none pure of heart are harmed." The next thing I know, he is holding me in his arms, pushing my face into his robe, and just a moment later he's gone, and so is everyone else, including the shop. Just gone.' I squirmed on the floor, trying to find a more comfortable position against the wall. I had the feeling that this was going to be a long conversation, and I didn't even have water to stop my throat from getting dry. 'First at the scene was the police of course, followed by a very nervous Jeffrey Brooks. He had been sent to collect the facts by his newspaper, so I agreed to an interview. I told him as much as I could, I was still in shock over what had happened, and he gave me his card to get in touch if I remembered anything else.

'I went to the library to calm down, and I went over what had happened in my head. And then I realised that what the man had said at first was a quote from the bible, and I also remembered that he had been wearing a strange piece of jewellery around his neck, a large glass orb about this big.' I formed a circle with my thumb and my middle finger to show Sam. 'And I also remembered that I had seen something like it only a day before in the newspaper, in an article about a find in Jordan, to be precise in ruins in the Dead Sea. They had found a stone chest filled with glass orbs. They were sent out to research institutes and museums all over the world, and only hours later all of them had been stolen, by burglars that had appeared out of thin air. Everyone said the CTV footage had been tampered with, but one of the pictures they published showed men looking exactly like the guy I saw at the supermarket. So I called Jeff and asked him to meet me at a cafe to talk it over. I had a few ideas on the matter, and I do admit that back then my imagination was running wild sometimes, but I never would have thought I could be right about this.'

I took a deep breath and cleared my throat. I was trying to make my story as interesting as possible for Sam, although with what had happened five years ago there wasn't much that needed exaggerating or dramatising. It was pretty unbelievable as it was.

'When Jeff showed up,' I continued after a pause, 'he brought his coworker Lucy with him. Lucy was about a head shorter than me, curvy in really tight clothes, flaming red curls, freckles and her eyes were so dark, they were almost black. I had mentioned on the phone that I thought the men were angels, you know, actual biblical angels, and she was very interested in my theory. But after a few arguments I could already tell neither of them really believed me, so I stormed off, hoping to find those men and prove my point.

'I can't remember how I got there, but I ended up at a shopping mall. For an hour or so I was just walking around, up and down the escalators and into the shops, until I finally saw him, the exactly same man I met at the supermarket.'

'The same one?,' Sam interrupted, and I smiled.

'Yes, I have a good memory for faces,' I said. 'To be fair, they all looked very much alike, but there was something about that one, a kindness in his eyes, that the others didn't have.'

I waited for more objections, but there weren't any.

'Besides, he recognised me as well,' I continued my story. 'I walked up to him and wanted to ask him straight away who he was and what he was doing, but he never let me get out a single word. As before told me to leave and get myself to safety. At that moment Jeff burst in, he had followed me, and the next thing I know, that guy had me in one of his arms, Jeff in the other, and just a moment later all three of us were standing in rubble outdoors.'

I could still smell the sharp cold air, the dust of what remained of the mall, and that eerie silence where before there had been voices and music coming from the mall speakers. Sam cleared her throat next to me and I realised I had stopped talking, lost in thought.

'Sorry,' straightening out my dress and changing my seat. 'I got lost in my memories.'

She nodded, but didn't say anything. A signal for me to continue.

'So that time he saved both me and Jeff, again saying he had to save those pure of heart.

'"Who are you?," I asked him. "What's your name?"

'"I am Daniel," was his response. "I am an angel of the Lord."'

'Wait,' Sam said. 'His name was Daniel?'

'Yes,' I said looking down. 'It's Hebrew for "God is my judge". And that described him rather well.'

'Is he one of the reasons you...?'

'It's a bit more complicated than that,' I said quickly before she could finish her question. The whole situation was embarrassing enough as it is. 'But yes, he is a part of it. A rather large part.'

Sam nodded again and leaned against a crumpled wall. 'And what happened after that?'

'Jeff didn't take it very well. In his way he was probably trying to play along and get some more info for his article, but he invited us both to come to his apartment. It was close by and by now the absence of a mall full of people except for us three and the dust cloud from the rubble was getting us quite some unwanted attention. On the way Daniel explained that he was one of the angels sent to destroy Sodom and Gomorrah, where he was imprisoned in the stone chest for the last few millennia.

'"So if you're an angel," Jeff asked Daniel when we had reached his flat, "do you remember your previous life? Were you a good person before you died?"

'I nearly punched him for that. But I suppose that's how most people see angels. So I explained to Jeff that angels in the Jewish belief are messengers, God's thoughts and actions, and are actually not supposed to have bodies as such. Daniel stayed out of our argument, he probably didn't understand any of it at that point, but then we, that's Jeff and I, tried to explain to him what had happened in the last few thousand years, specifically Christianity and its influence on Western society.

'For a few minutes we didn't get a single word out of Daniel. Then the first thing he did was he - changed. I understood that the angel's body was just a projection, but Jeff nearly screamed and ran when Daniel's hair and beard got shorter and the white robe changed into a shirt, jacket and jeans.'

I paused again, picturing the moment when I first saw Daniel, not as an angel but as a person. It had been quite the revelation, and even the famous actors in my friends' magazines couldn't compare. And then there was that look he gave me, as if looking for reassurance that this change was acceptable. My face must have been completely blank, because he asked Jeff what he did wrong before I could tell him that it was fine. It was just - perfect. But why? Why did he have to look like that? And why was there another person here with exactly that face, those eyes?

'We tried to get Daniel to choose a side.

'"We have been sent to take all sin from this world," was his response. "And that is what we will do."

'"But it's not fair," I pointed out. "What is the basis of your judgement of sin?"

'He couldn't tell me that. In fact he looked more and more uncertain about his clearly outdated mission. There was one more thing that bothered me, I asked him if any of the other angels were saving people like he had saved me and Jeff. And he couldn't give me an answer to that either.

'"Look," I said to him, "I understand your mission, but there have been no punishments or divine destructions for a long time now. We had terrible wars, killing millions of people, and God, if he actually does exist, hasn't done anything to stop it. The people you angels are punishing have lost so much in the last 100 years, and most of us have stopped believing, because there is nothing left to believe in, nothing to fear and nothing to hope for. What you are doing won't change that."

'He thought about that for a while.

'"I understand, he said after a while. "You say that God has abandoned this world. But I need more time to think before I can make a decision."

'He turned around and - then he was gone.'

'What do you mean he was gone?,' Sam asked, leaning forward.

'He was just gone,' I said and shrugged. 'Like he had never been there in the first place.'

Sam seemed lost in thought and I didn't want to overwhelm her with the events and the world they connected to. I wasn't sure if anything like it had ever happened here, and I was certain that Sam and the rest of the SG teams had seen more than the average person, especially in regards to mythology and what most other cultures would call magic. But it still might be too much for her to process. After a while she shook her head and looked back at me.

'Did he ever come back?,' she asked.

'Oh, yes,' I replied. 'A few days later. In the meantime Jeff, Lucy and I had summoned a demon, Jeff asked me to come to his sister's wedding in LA and then we made a deal with the devil.'

'Whoa,' Sam said. 'Slow down there, you summoned a demon?'

'Yes, in my dad's wine cellar,' I grinned.

'Why?'

'To prove a point,' I said with a shrug. 'Jeff still didn't think that it was all real and happening. And I had some questions only someone in their line of work could answer, like how we could fight angels.'

'And how did you summon a demon?,' Sam said leaning forward.

'A chalk circle and some Latin,' I said. 'Don't ask me, I'm not a scientist.'

'Right,' she said combed through her hair with her fingers. 'Sorry.'

'It's fine,' I smiled. 'I think I'd like to know myself. But the only one who would have known was Lucy, and I never got a straight answer out of her.'

'And then you made a deal with the devil?,' Sam picked up on the next subject of interest.

'Yes, Satan was quite helpful,' I told her. 'Jeff and I got one angel sword each, two bags for the souls and a stone chest to keep them in.'

'Souls?,' Sam interrupted.

'Oh, yeah, sorry,' I said. 'The glass spheres the angels were wearing around their necks, they are their souls. That was why they started appearing once those artefacts were out in the open. And in return Satan wanted us to collect those souls, all 99 of them, and bring them back.'

'So you got two swords, two bags and a stone chest, and in return Satan wanted 99 angel souls?'

'That's right,' I said, relieved she was still following my story. 'So it was pretty straight forward. Once you took the souls off the angels they vanished, or you could kill them with the sword and take their soul afterward.'

'But if you killed them first, wouldn't the soul be dead as well?,' Sam asked and I paused. I had never thought about that.

'I think their bodies were illusions, projections, but not their actual being,' I said slowly. 'And if you left their soul outside the chest for too long they always came back, even the ones that died. Does that make sense?'

'Hardly,' Sam sighed.

'Sorry,' I said, 'but I don't think I can explain it any better. There are a lot of questions I never got answered, even afterwards, and clearly some that I never thought to ask.'

'And you're sure this all really happened? And that we are from the same planet?'

I laughed at that.

'It's just,' Sam continued, 'I mean, yes, we have met gods, but they just turned out to be advanced aliens. And what you're telling me just opens a whole different door. I can't say I believe in angels and demons, and I am always looking for a scientific explanation behind those things, but...' Her voice trailed off. I nodded when I was certain she wasn't going to continue.

'I understand,' I told her. 'I mean, all of this.' I gestured around at the ruins. 'It's hard to believe, but there is an explanation, and a scientific one as well. That makes it easier to cope. But Jeff and I, we just stumbled into supernatural events without any knowledge of what we were getting into. The only people we could rely on were Lucy and an angel, if you want to believe that that is what he really was.'

Sam nodded. She seemed to be satisfied enough with my explanation to accept the events I was telling. There weren't a lot of answers I could give her beyond what I had already told her. And there was more still to come.

'So you made a deal with the devil,' she repeated. 'And what happened after that?'

'Jeff and I put our swords to use,' I said. 'Whenever we knew about angels attacking a place nearby, we would drop everything and rush there to get them. We knew that it would be impossible to catch them all like that, but for the moment that was all we could do. The same night Jeff got a visit from Daniel. He had decided to join our cause after all, but he did have a condition.

'"I will assist in any way I can," he said in the darkness of Jeff's flat. "But since I understood the error of our mission, there has to be a chance for them as well. Let me talk to them, try and convince them to change sides before you catch them."

'Jeff hesitated. Our deal was to gather souls, not try and change their minds. And he knew well enough that we would have to keep our side of the deal, or the consequences would be dreadful. But there was a chance here to even out the odds, so after some consideration he agreed. The next day we got a little elemental education from Lucy. I had asked her about the differences between humans, angels and demons, now that we knew they existed, and she returned that angels were made of light, demons of fire and humans and everything else in our world were made of earth.

'I thought it sounded stupid, after all we weren't eating, wearing or breathing earth, which is what it sounded like. So to prove her point to me, she took us to visit an acquaintance of hers, a rabbi in the outskirts of Oxford. After some convincing and threatening on Lucy's part he showed us his greatest secret: a shoe box. When he opened it, it was full of little clay figurines, but they were alive.'

I waited for a reaction from Sam, but there wasn't one.

'You probably heard of golems before,' I continued. 'Well, it turned out they were real, too. God knows how Lucy knew about them, but the rabbi explained to us that these golems were created by God, and not just as a toy or a tool, but as prototypes for humanity itself. It was kind of creepy, about thirty little clay men walking in circles in a shoe box, bumping into each other and still walking on. Afterwards Daniel showed up, and he knew Lucy, even though Lucy denied it and left us right after. We managed to convince her that Daniel was on our side the next day and we all went out for a celebratory drink. I must have had a few drinks too many, because I managed to turn everyone against me with just a single question.

'"So,' I said to Lucy, "and when were you going to tell us that you are the devil?"

'The air froze. The only one who didn't seem upset about my question was Lucy. When she asked, I explained to her all the little hints I had picked up and pieced together. I hadn't been sure, but at that moment I must have been drunk enough to actually ask that question and mean it.

'"Let's get some air," was all she said and took us outside.

'"What the hell are you on about?," Jeff hissed to me on our way out.

'"What the hell indeed," I replied in a low voice. "Funny, you have been working with her for years, and you never once thought that Lucy could be short for Lucifer?"

'It turned out I had been right again. Lucy introduced herself as Samael, Lord of Hell, temptress and punisher of humanity. But she also was on our side. She didn't give me a straight answer on what she was planning to do with those angel souls, but she seemed sincere enough when she said it was to "save humanity from destruction". Daniel didn't take that very well, he seemed upset about what his fellow angels were doing. However I had a feeling that wasn't the whole truth of what Lucy was up to.

'Jeff lost the thread of the conversation a while ago, he was just standing there, looking stumped. Then another thing came to mind. I asked Lucy about the deal we had made. Daniel had changed sides, so that left us with 98 angry angels. But she just shrugged.

'"The deal is made," she said. "How you keep your end is not my problem. Only the punishment for breaking it is."'

'That sounds sinister,' Sam said. She had been quiet for a while, and only hearing her voice showed me how cracked mine had become with speaking.

'It was,' I replied. 'But she did have a point. We all went home in varying degrees of confusion. But Jeff must have had it the worst. After all, he was working with Lucy on a daily basis and had been for years, and on top of that, Daniel had decided to move in with him. It must be pretty scary if you wake up in the morning, and there is that guy in the room, watching you.'

'You must have been pretty disappointed he stayed with Jeff and not with you,' Sam said with a gentle smile.

'Well,' I said and grinned. I could feel my ears getting hot. 'I mean yeah, I was 19, of course I took it as a personal insult. But what could I do. After all he was entitled to make his own decisions, and if you think about his background and the rules he followed, it made perfect sense.'

Sam was still smiling at me, and now that I thought of the point I had reached in my story, she would be smiling for a while longer.

'That day I bought a paper for the first time in my life, and just the international section was enough to get me fuming,' I continued. 'I went to see Jeff that evening, that was also when I found out that Daniel was staying with him. After I showed them both the numerous articles on destruction and general human insanity, Jeff went to make us all some coffee while Daniel tried to calm me down.

'"But why the Dalai Lama," I was crying. "They had no right."

'"This was time taking its toll, not angels," he explained.

'"But now the Chinese have declared their own Dalai Lama," I went on. "They are going to tear apart Buddhism, either causing two factions or destroying everything and everyone following the old teachings."

'He didn't understand why this upset me so much, since it was so far away and happening in a culture that had nothing to do with mine. But I knew it was just one of the symptoms of how the world was breaking down around us. Another article was about a Jewish sect, who had seen the destructions as the beginning of armageddon and had therefore sought and found a messiah: a young man from palestine, who by all accounts wasn't quite sure what was going on.'

Sam had been listening attentively and I wasn't certain how she was taking it all. As far as I could tell she wasn't religious enough to care about those things, but I hoped that the impact on humanity as a whole wasn't lost on her.

'Anyway,' I continued. 'Daniel managed to calm me down after a while. And while Jeff was still busy in the kitchen I gathered all my courage and told Daniel that - well - that I was in love with him. I thought as an angel he would either not understand what I was on about, or that he would know about the concept of platonic love and understand it in that context. But no, he just gave me a very sad look.'

'I thought you had only known him for a few days,' Sam said.

'Yes, and he saved my life twice in that time,' I explained. 'That sort of thing can go to your head, although I agree it's not the best basis for a relationship.'

Sam laughed and I joined in. It was true, probably had something to do with the adrenaline. I knew that in stressful situations certain things could make a powerful impression on you. And looking back I knew that that had been the whole reason, nothing more. But when you're almost 20 you think you're grown up and master of your own fate. It turned out I had been wrong. So wrong.

'Moving on,' I continued and my smile vanished. 'Well, the short of it is, he turned me down. He explained something about being from different worlds, that he couldn't stay on Earth and so forth, but to be honest I was too angry to really listen to him at that point. When I didn't say anything, Daniel left very quickly. After a while I left as well, and I didn't even bother closing the door behind me.

'I spent the rest of the evening packing. The next day we would go to LA to Jeff's sister. I didn't hear anything from Jeff all night, and I thought that was odd. At that point he was very good at getting involved with things that were none of his business, most of which was my life in general, and I at least expected him to call with the excuse of checking whether I was packed and ready to go. But yes, after the night before I didn't hear anything from him, so I went to check on him the next morning.

'When I got to his flat it was a complete mess, furniture had been thrown over, and for a tidy person like him there were too many dirty glasses around. And there was a trail of clothes leading into the bedroom. I drew my sword and went to investigate. The clothes should have probably given me a clue though. I found Jeff in bed, naked, with a girl. And when I looked closer, the girl was me.'

'You?,' Sam gasped.

'Yes, it was me. Or at least something that looked like me,' I continued. 'It was a good thing I already had my sword out. How dare anything walk around with my face? And by all appearances sleep with my friends while pretending to be me.

'While I was standing there, Jeff woke up. You should have seen his face, still half-asleep and hungover as anything, looking from me to the girl in his bed and back to me. I leaned over, grabbed the girl by the shoulder and spun her around. Her face twisted, her teeth became long and sharp, her hair turned black and her eyes red. I stabbed her with my sword and she disappeared in a cloud of black smoke.

'It took a while to get Jeff back up to speed. So I called Lucy to find out what the hell that thing was. I told her what had happened and what I had seen, and she told us that that thing had been a succubus.'

I looked for any sign of recognition in Sam's face.

'A succubus is a female demon,' I explained after a pause. 'They seduce men. They were pretty much the medieval excuse for sinful dreams about women and of course sleep paralysis. There's a few more disturbing ideas and stories around them, but that about sums up what we actually found out to be true.'

Sam nodded. 'I think I heard about them before.'

'Right,' I said and cleared my throat. 'So there we were in Jeff's kitchen, discovering that he had spent the night with a sex demon who looked like me.' I saw Sam trying to suppress a grin. 'The best part was Lucy on the phone, trying to get him to tell her some juicy details,' I laughed. 'But of course he was too embarrassed. He kept claiming that he had been too drunk. Neither of us believed him of course, but something Lucy said had caught my attention.

'She kept talking about succubi as though she had only heard about them, but never seen one. Up to that point I had been convinced succubi were demons and therefore under her jurisdiction. But it was clear to all of us that someone must have sent it.

'"I didn't send it," Lucy told us, and something in his voice made me believe her.

'"But who did?," I returned. Jeff kept making faces when we were speaking. He had a pretty bad headache from whatever he had been doing the night before.

'"Lilith," was all Lucy said and she hung up. Whoever Lilith was, we didn't have time to find out. We had a plane to catch, and at that point my only worry was Jeff.

'"You really thought it was me?," I asked him.

'"She looked exactly like you!," he exclaimed and jumped off his chair.
'"That's not what I meant," I shouted back at him. "Did you really think that I would ever..."
'"I was drunk," he repeated his excuse. "To be honest I'm not even sure I know what happened."
'"Yeah, right," I grinned. "Just do me a favour and don't pretend you know me any better."
'"I think I'd rather pretend it never happened in the first place," he moaned and buried his face in his hands. "What was I thinking?"
'"Clearly nothing at all," I returned. But I left it at that. He packed his bag and since I had already brought mine along we went straight to the airport. Airport security didn't pick up on the swords or the bags. I'm not sure whether to those machines they simply didn't exist or if they passed for something else. I just hoped no angels would turn up at the airport, otherwise we would have to explain to some very angry people how we got swords past their system. But we managed to get to the states and then on our second flight to LA.

'Jeff's sister had sent a driver to pick us up and he took us to her villa in the hills. Jeff had never told me that his sister was a Hollywood actress, but then again before the wedding invitation she apparently hadn't spoken to him in years. She clearly had the money to care for their mother in style, but a father who ran away and a demented mother were too much of an embarrassment for her to acknowledge. She still had invited Jeff, something I probably wouldn't have done, so I suppose family meant something to her.

'We arrived and the housekeeper took us to our rooms. We had just enough time to get changed before the reception. Our flight had been delayed and we missed the ceremony. But I was quite grateful about that. The pomp and circumstance in those events are disgusting. They blow a simple thing like two people living together into this monstrosity, but at the same time the true meaning has been long lost. For one, nobody intends to keep those vows, especially in Hollywood, and secondly they have been going out or even living together for a while, so there is no actual point to getting married apart from publicity and showing off and expensive gifts. On the whole, and especially in this situation, it was just a huge waste of money.'

I saw the look on Sam's face.

'That's my opinion,' I told her, 'and really just on that occasion. You should have seen them. I have seen love, and that was definitely not it. God knows why they got married, although he probably didn't either.'

'Did you ever meet him? God I mean?,' Sam asked, suddenly changing the subject. It seemed to unsettle her to ask that question, and she seemed to be even more afraid of my answer.

'No we didn't,' I returned in a gentle tone. 'We tried to get in touch, but from what we could tell he was unavailable and not very interested in talking to us.'

'How did you talk to him?'

'He has a phone number,' I replied and saw her expression change. 'No really, I swear! But when we called him, all we got was a voicemail recorded by someone called Metatron, asking us to leave a message.'

The irony of it and the memory of our faces reflected in the windows of the red phone booth made me laugh. It had been a rather comical situation, but at the time it hadn't appeared that way. After all, almost a hundred ravaging angels were loose on earth because of someone not answering their metaphorical phone.

'It wasn't just us who were unable to reach him,' I went on. 'Daniel had told me that he had faced the same problem. And that meant that nobody up there knew what was going on, and that there wasn't anybody who would call those angels back.'

'But he really does exist?,' Sam went on.

'Well,' I hesitated. There wasn't really a good answer to that question. 'I'm not sure,' I continued. 'Many things we saw and experienced seem to say that he must have existed at some point. But we never got any first hand evidence, only a lot of people who claimed to have met or worked for him and explained a lot of phenomenon as his work. And that sort of thing you get in every second church. So if you ask me, I still don't believe in him, and according to those sources the right pronoun would be 'it'. God doesn't have a gender.'

'Right, okay,' Sam said and nodded. I hoped I hadn't confused her too much. At the time it had seemed very likely that there would indeed be a God, an almighty creator, but I had a few years to think about what had happened, and that had cleared my thoughts somewhat. In the end, all that had happened was that I had met a few more religious fanatics than I had known previously. And what they believed didn't have to make me change my mind. Sure, there were things that seemed to be easiest explained through God, but that's how people thought of the universe in general until Darwin or the big bang theory.

'Where did I stop?,' I asked and scratched my head.

'You were getting angry about weddings, I believe,' Sam said and I gave her an apologetic grin.

'Oh yeah, that's right.' I cleared my throat. It scratched more every time I did that. 'So we got changed and went to the reception, which was in the villa itself. I arrived downstairs and the party was in full swing, but there was no music. Jeff's sister had hired musicians, but they hadn't arrived and the villa's sound system had broken the day before. They did have a grand piano in one corner, so I offered to play for them. Fiona, that's Jeff's sister, was a bit hesitant, but he vouched for me. He had never heard me play, but he probably still felt guilty about the succubus incident. So they let me play for them for a while.

'And while the party was still going on, Jeff suddenly appeared behind me and pointed to a few people in the crowd. They weren't wearing the white gowns anymore, but their faces were too symmetrical, too perfect even for LA. Without alerting them to our plan we started to mingle and tried to get close to them. If we could take them out without interrupting the party, that would have been ideal. But they saw us, and they knew who we were. They started to throw fire with their bare hands. Jeff and I had our swords out in a heartbeat and went straight at them. We had nearly got all of them, but the last one decided to take Fiona as a hostage. Things would have gone terribly wrong, but guess who decided to show up and save the day?' My voice had gotten bitter at that point. The next part would be the most difficult to tell. And likely also the one nobody would believe.

'Daniel?,' Sam suggested in a low voice. I nodded.

'Good old Daniel showed up and took the last angel's soul,' I continued. 'Fiona was angry but grateful. Her wedding was ruined, everyone had run away, but her underestimated brother and his friends had saved her life from a psycho arsonist and his gang. Apparently that was enough for her to be grateful about. But I saw something through the window, so I took Jeff by the sleeve and dragged him onto the balcony.' My voice became darker and quieter with every word I spoke. 'Fiona's villa had a lovely view of the entire city. And it was on fire. All of it. We could hear the screams and the sirens in the distance, the flames painting the skyscrapers red and making a reflection in the sky. The clouds over the city looked like bloodstains.

'I knew there was no time to lose. Dressed as we were for a wedding we got into town as fast as we could. In some places we would see angels doing their work and we tried our best to catch as many of them as we could. But the destruction and cruelty of the heavenly punishment had already taken its toll on the people of LA,' I whispered. Sam had to lean closer to hear my words, but I wasn't looking at her anymore. I was just staring at the grass in the sunlight while I remembered that darkest day of my life.

'People had gathered in gangs, normal everyday people, some of them in suits, others in sports gear, and they were running through the streets screaming. Not in fear, just screaming. They threw rocks at cars, at windows and at each other. Some more in possession of their senses had started to raid shops and rob whatever they could find. Others just sat there, crying or staring into the distance as if they weren't really there, or rocking back and forwards, talking to themselves.' The images returned, I could see it all in front of my eyes. The fires, the people, I could smell the smoke and stench.

'And among them walked the angels, throwing fire and punishing anyone not fast enough to get away. The ground opened up under our feet, flaming balls fell from the sky. Everything was burning, people were screaming in the flames, and other places we went to we saw piles of burnt bodies, glistening and covered in blisters, their faces unrecognisable.' My voice trailed into silence. I could smell them again, the smoking corpses lying in the street. My ears were ringing with the wails of children, the cries of men and women, the explosions and the sirens a few blocks away. But what could they do against this horror and madness? What could anyone do? This was how the world was going to end, in fire and fear.

I wasn't sure how long I had sat there, hugging my knees and shivering with a coldness even the sunshine couldn't dispel. But in front of me appeared Sam's hand with a flask. She forced some water down my throat and put her jacket over my shoulders. This shook me out of my living nightmare and when I rubbed my eyes I realised I had been crying.

'You don't have to go on,' Sam said after a while. 'I think I have a good idea of…'

'No you don't,' I almost barked and flinched at my own voice. It sounded like gravel. 'Nobody can understand this,' I told her quietly. 'Jeff and I are the only people who still remember it. Everyone else, even the survivors, have forgotten. Many people died, but to everyone they just vanished, maybe drowned in the ocean, went away and never came back. A lot of people lost friends and family, but their memories are vague at best. Nobody grieved for those people.'

'Except for you,' Sam said in her gentle voice and I nodded, feeling the tears run down my face once more.

'I tried,' I told her in between sobs. 'I tried to forget. So many times. But someone has to remember, someone has to at least acknowledge those people existed at all. And by now that is just Jeff and me.'

'How did they all forget?,' Sam asked once I had calmed down a little. 'It doesn't seem like the kind of event to just disappear out of their minds.'

'I'll come to that later,' I said and took a deep breath. 'I haven't quite finished yet.'

'You don't have to tell me every last detail,' Sam said quickly. 'I don't want to make you remember all these things.'

I gave her a tearful smile. 'I don't blame you,' I told her. 'Sometimes I need to remember. It makes everything else seem like paradise.'

Her face had turned white and I felt sorry for her. But there was no turning back. Like my life from that point, the story could just go forward.

'Walking through that hell was the worst thing that ever happened to me,' I continued. 'Jeff didn't take it very well either, but he didn't show it. We managed to find and capture all the angels roaming the streets, but the fires remained, the ground had ripped open in places and the air we breathed smelled of sulphur. Daniel was still with us, silent as ever. It was the angels, they had caused all of this. And he had been one of them.

'"End it!," I shouted at him. "Stop this madness."

' He didn't answer.

'"You have the same powers, the powers that caused all of this!" I was in tears. People around me were burning alive, most of them were dead and the rest was suffocating. '"Please, I beg you! Make it stop!"

'But he didn't answer. He watched me in silence for a while, his face blank. Then he just turned around and disappeared. I collapsed to the floor. It was too much. He was my only hope, and he just abandoned me, abandoned this city and all the people in it. Jeff picked me up and we somehow made it to what remained of the British embassy. They got us and other visitors on the first flight out of the country. During the evacuation we heard on the news that Las Vegas didn't exist anymore. There was just a crater and nobody to explain what had happened.

'We returned home and as I ascended from the madness we left behind, we noticed the confusion in the general population. Most believed it was terrorist attacks or natural disasters, but nobody knew for sure. They didn't feel safe, but they didn't know where to go either. It was happening everywhere, not as bad as LA or Las Vegas, but every town had a building destroyed or people going missing. And it made our mission impossible for us as well. If we packed up and travelled to every location they mentioned, we would always be too late to catch the angels. So we had to make a different plan.

I suggested to set a trap, lure them all into one location and catch them like that. It was the most logical way, but how to set a trap for beings only interested in sin and blasphemy? The entire world was full of it. We parted thinking about a solution and I went to bed early.'

I stopped and played with the hem of my dress. How to continue?

'The next part … is a bit difficult,' I said slowly. Sam frowned. 'And I think it would be best if I told it from Jeff's perspective. You'll see why in just a moment.'

'Alright,' she said and gave a quick nod.

'He got up the next day, and of course he didn't have a revelation on how to attract the angels. While he was getting up, I showed up and, because I know what he wants, I made him a cup of coffee. We talked a few things over and then Daniel showed up out of nowhere. We hadn't seen him since LA. He wasn't very happy to see me, he kept frowning and pinching the bridge of his nose. Then suddenly he grabbed me by the throat, lifted me off the ground and -' I took a deep breath. 'And I vanished in a red flame.'

I gave Sam an apologetic smile. 'You see, it hadn't been me. I don't actually remember anything between going to sleep the night before and - well, when they found me again.' Sam hadn't said anything. She just frowned a little. So I sighed and continued. 'Jeff called up Lucy and the three of them came to my house. All my things were still there, my phone, my bag, but there was a black soot stain on the floor next to my bed and the sheets were a mess. That was all.

'"Lilith",' was all Lucy said and her face got even darker. "This is her doing. We have to hurry."

'They packed their things including my stuff and my passport, and they headed to the airport. Lucy knew quite a few people - I guess that comes with the job - and got them on the next plane headed for Al-Ahsa airport outside Al Hofuf. That's in Saudi-Arabia,' I explained just in case, but Sam already nodded. 'They got a car and headed for the desert.'

'Why?,' she interrupted. 'There is nothing there.'

'Exactly,' I smiled. 'But the fact is that there is nothing there anymore. Lucy gave the directions and Jeff was driving for a few hours, heading south and west into the dunes. Then they saw a sandstorm pick up, but Lucy still urged him to keep going, straight into it. The car started to fill with sand, they couldn't tell which way was up or down, then they broke through, went over the crest of a dune and slid down the other side into a calm valley full of ruins. Lucy had taken them to Iram of the Pillars.

'I can't describe it very well, but it was a calm valley between sandy dunes, a few pillars and brick walls still standing. Iram is a legendary city from the Qur'an,' I explained when Sam's frown deepened. 'Like Sodom and Gomorrah it had been destroyed by God, but instead of raining heavenly fire it just got buried under sand. And that is where Lucy took them, through a doorway, down long flights of stairs into the halls of the former palace. High pillars held up a ceiling lost in the darkness, and on the throne at the other end sat a woman, her skin as dark as a starless night. She was larger than any woman I know, and her servants were little girls and boys, all too beautiful to be real.

'Lucy approached her, the others following close behind.

'"Samael," the woman said in a rich voice and smiled, her white teeth breaking the darkness like a ray of light. "It has been a long time. You changed."

'"Hello Lilith," Lucy returned in a level tone. "You haven't. Where is Pan?"

'Lilith wasn't too happy about this. She kept trying to change the subject, commenting on Lucy being a woman and reminiscing about the old times. But Lucy was persistent and in the end Lilith lead them to a vault behind the throne. And there I was, sleeping on a stone bier. They had changed my clothes to flowing robes of green and brown, and the candles around me all burned with a blue-green flame. The boys and girls from the hall had followed them and were now tending to my sleeping shape, smoothing out creases on the clothes or putting fresh flowers into my hair.'

I stopped, a shade embarrassed. I hadn't been there, and telling it in the third person felt strange, like a surreal fairytale from A Thousand and One Nights, except dark and twisted.

'"Give her back," Lucy demanded and her voice echoed under the high ceilings, getting deeper and deeper.

'"She stays," Lilith returned. "I wanted the man, but she got in the way."

'"So that's why you sent the succubus," Lucy whispered. "And an incubus for her?"

'"Of course not," Lilith returned. "She would never have fallen for that. I sent a succubus as her nonna. There is a way into the heart of everyone, and sometimes it's not the most obvious one."'

I paused. I remembered nonna entering my room that night. I hadn't realised it wasn't her until it was too late. And had I known, I would have killed Lilith with my own two hands. Using my nonna or even my love for my nonna against me. How dare she!

'"What do you want her for anyway?," Lucy continued. "And why her?"

'"You should know," Lilith grinned at Daniel.

'"A creature of Earth but pure of heart," he returned and Lucy narrowed her eyes.

'"That old story?"

'"What are you talking about?," Jeff interrupted. He had tried to wake me up, but my sleep was magical and there was nothing he could do.

'They only told him in fragments and later when he told me I managed to work out what it was all about. When God had created the world, he had separated the elements he found into beings. From the light he created angels, from flames demons and jinn, from earth he created humanity and our world. Those are the three elements we already knew about. From air he created the roc and all beings of air and from water he created the unicorns. They really existed once upon a time, there is even a story that one got saved by Noah and the arc.'

Sam gave me a doubting look, but I really didn't need her to believe me at this point.

'But they are quite different from what you probably heard. Those stories about virgins and The Last Unicorn.' I grinned. 'But the unicorn Lilith had with her, sleeping under the ruined city, truly was the last unicorn. They are great big horses, the size of elephants and not even close to graceful, and they have a terrible temper. Lilith had been collecting beings of all the elements in an attempt to combine their powers and created something to challenge or even surpass God's powers. Her servants were jinn, the sandstorm above the ground was caused by the roc, circling high in the sky, the unicorn had been with her from the beginning, and now she had a being of earth, me. What I didn't know was that Lilith herself represented an element. She had been created from darkness. So now all she needed to fulfil her plans was a being of light. An angel. Lucy and Daniel finally understood that this was a trap, and I was the bait.'

'Wait, so Lilith knew they would come for you?,' Sam said.

'She must have,' I replied. 'Her jinn like the succubus can take any form. Essentially she could have spies everywhere, and nobody would ever know.'

'And how was she planning to combine all elements into one?'

'I don't know,' I replied and looked down. 'But I know that she tried it before, with Adam and Samael. The real reason she was cast out of paradise wasn't just that she refused to accept her inferiority to Adam, as the modern stories put it. She refused to accept anything's inferiority to the creator and tried herself to create something of equal if not greater power. She was too much of a risk, nobody knew what would happen if she really managed to succeed in her plan. Perhaps the whole world would stop existing.

'They never told me how they woke me up in the end. I dimly remember Jeff and Daniel supporting me on the way out, around us pillars were toppling down. The unicorn had awoken and in its struggle to break free of the buried ruins, it was bringing down what remained of the halls on top of us. Lucy was fighting off the jinn and Lilith. I can still hear her scream of rage when the structure finally gave way to the weight of sand and time and buried her and her followers behind us. They carried me up the stairs and only when we were back in the car did they put me down and we looked back. A giant mushroom cloud of dust and sand was rising into the sky from where the entrance had been.

'Jeff drove the car back up the dune, but the sandstorm swallowed us long before we reached the edge of the valley.

'"The roc is on her side," Lucy shouted over the howlin wind. "He won't let us leave."

'Through the windows I saw two shapes, fighting their way through the sand. Jeff stopped and we took them onboard. It was a fat american tourist and an Asian woman who introduced herself as his wife. Lucy was watching them closely. They shouldn't have been this far out. Their car had broken down and when they went in search of help they had gone in the wrong direction and got trapped in the sandstorm. That was what they told us.

'Daniel climbed in the back as well, frowning and studying them closely. Then without a warning he grabbed the fat man by the throat, opened the door and held him outside the car. The man turned into a bright red flame in the shape of a human and Daniel threw him out the door into the sandstorm. He got swallowed by it. The woman sitting next to me had watched it all and her face twisted. I didn't even have to think about it, my sword was in my hands and the other end went into her chest. She disappeared into black smoke.

'"More jinn," Lucy said darkly and Daniel closed the door. "She is desperate. If she lets us get away now, she will never be able to try again."

'After what felt like hours we reached the end of the sandstorm and made our way back to the airport without further incidents. I changed into my normal clothes and the others filled me in on the events I had missed. Daniel had fixed LA and Las Vegas. While I was gone he put them back the way they were. He couldn't bring anyone back from the dead, but he changed everyone's memories to stop them from grieving and asking questions. That's how they forgot all about it.'

'I see,' Sam said, and by her voice I could tell that my face had got dark again. He had done what I asked. But at the same time he had erased it from history, except to me and Jeff it had still happened. And that just made it so much harder to bear. But I continued nevertheless.

'And I was able to tell them my idea of luring the angels to the same place. Lilith using me as bait for the angels had inspired me.

'"The angels follow sin," I reasoned. "But what is the worst sin?"

'"Murder?," Jeff suggested, but I shook my head.

'"That happens daily. Unless you plan to replay the holocaust I'm not sure anything would be bad enough to get their attention. No, what is the worst sin?"

'"Do you mean the original sin?," Daniel asked slowly and I gave him a bright smile. He had saved me, again, and somehow that had made it all better.

'"Exactly."'

'Hold on a moment,' Sam said. 'You were just chased by a raging lady made from darkness and her fiery servants. What happened to her?'

'She got buried alive for all we know,' I explained. 'Those two jinn getting in the car were the last we saw of her and her servants.'

'Right,' Sam said. 'So she died?'

'I don't know,' I returned. 'Sometimes I wonder if she didn't. After all, she had lived for that long. And she was rumoured to be the mother to many monstrosities of the night. But yes, after that incident we never heard anything about her ever again. The sandstorm disappeared and a few months later archaeologists discovered ruins in the desert. No more magic, no more life. If she survived, she must have gone somewhere else.'

Sam nodded and I changed my seat once more. My legs had gone numb.

'We returned to Oxford and prepared for our last strike: a trap for the angels. I tried to do some research, but Lucy already knew what we were looking for. The Tree of Knowledge.'

'Wait,' Sam said, 'Isn't that the tree that Adam and Eve…' Her voice trailed off.

'Were told not to touch and eat from? Yes, that's the one,' I grinned. 'We needed to get the angels' attention, and what better way of doing that than going back to where it all began. Eating from the tree got Adam and Eve cast out of paradise and the punishment has been human history ever since. Nothing worse than what they have done has ever happened, at least from a religious point of view.

'Lucy knew that a descendant of the tree was in fact in the botanical garden of Oxford University. So after dark that's where we went, all four of us. And since we needed a sacrifice, I volunteered. Daniel was against it.

'"If you commit to this," he explained, "I won't be able to save you any more. You will no longer be pure of heart."

'"That doesn't matter," I told him. "It never mattered to me. And I'm not doing this for myself, I'm doing this for everyone. So even if this is the end for me, it will still be worth it."

'Somehow my argument made him hesitate, but he wouldn't let me do it.

'"For f**k's sake," Lucy said and reached out. I walked over to the tree, but it wasn't me doing it. I could feel Lucy in my mind, a burning presence in the back of my brain. She was driving me like a car or a robot, made me do things without asking my permission. I picked a fruit and bit into it. With a bright light the angels appeared.

'There were about 40 of them, all those that remained. And it almost seemed like they had been waiting for us to do this, that's how sudden they showed up. Some of them had weapons, swords with blades of bright fire. Daniel tried to talk sense into them, or at least stall them from their purpose. Somehow by possessing me, Lucy had taken the blame for what had actually happened and saved what Daniel considered to be my innocence. And he was still determined to save Jeff and me. But this was the ultimate sin, and last time it must have taken God himself to stop the angels' wrath. And this time he wasn't here.

'Swords in hand, Jeff and I fought for our lives. Lucy had disappeared into the darkness and Daniel was still trying to save his brothers. One of the swords struck him and he went down. We didn't have time to worry about it and kept going until all the angels had been reduced to two rather full bags of souls and a fallen figure on the grass. I ran over to Daniel, ready for the worst. He wasn't bleeding, but he was in pain, and he was convinced there was no hope for him. I tried to save him, I tried everything.'

I could feel tears rise to my eyes again at the memory of that moment. That's when it had started to rain. And the same rain had still been falling in that dark alley only a little later.

'But he knew the conditions of our deal. So he asked me to collect his soul. We couldn't save his form as it was, and at least like that he could save us one last time. I couldn't bring myself to do it, but Jeff was more pragmatic. He took Daniel's soul off him and his body disappeared.

'We added the remaining souls to the stone chest, placing Daniel's on top and made our way to Castle Mound where Lucy said she would meet us. She was waiting when we arrived and after counting the souls she declared the deal as fulfilled and took back the swords and bags as well. She seemed a little surprised that the count had been complete, but she didn't ask any questions either. But I had a plan she hadn't reckoned with. On our way I had asked Jeff to stall her a little, so I would have time to carry it out. I hadn't told him what I was going to do, but he knew he couldn't stop me anyway. So while Lucy was distracted I went back to the stone chest.'

I was watching Sam's face. She had been very quiet for the last few minutes and I wanted to make sure she was still with me. But her eyes were bright and her face determined. She nodded at me.

'With all the strength I could muster I tipped it over on the grass.'

Sam gasped and I smiled.

'We saw 99 bright white glass balls roll down the hill, and then one by one became a white bird. They flew into the sky, one ahead of all the others. They followed without question and then one by one they disappeared. Only one stayed behind, hovering over us for a moment before it too vanished into the dark sky. They had returned to Heaven, or whatever you want to call it.

'"Nicely played," was all that Lucy said. She gathered up the rest of her things and prepared to leave. But she turned around and waved at us one last time. And that was the first time I noticed her bracelet. It had several large beads, but in the centre was a glass one, about this big.'

Again I made a circle with my middle finger and my thumb for Sam to see.

'So she had one, too?,' was all she said.

'Well, it makes sense if you think about it,' I told her. 'After all, Lucifer is a fallen angel.'

Sam nodded in response.

'And that was it?'

'Not quite,' I said and cleared my throat. This was where it would get difficult to bear for me. Almost as difficult as telling her about LA. 'When Lucy had gone we heard a voice, me and Jeff. Not quite a voice, more like a memory of a call without actually hearing anything. It called us a few streets away, through the rain. And it ended in a dark alley in the streets of Oxford.'

I swallowed. I couldn't bring myself to look into Sam's face.

'He was there waiting for us.'

'Daniel?' Her voice was so soft, I hardly heard it over the wind. I smiled at the ground and my vision blurred when the tears returned.

'He was standing in the darkness, just like he looked before he vanished. And he was smiling at us.

'"You saved us," he told us, rain running down our faces and thunder rolling in the distance. "How did you know?"

'"Yes, Pan, how did you know?," Jeff chimed in. "That was too risky. What if they had returned to burning and destroying people?"

'"I didn't know," I said, looking at the bright smile on Daniel's face. "But I had faith."

'There was nothing more that needed to be said. In just one moment I knew that this was the last time I would see him. He stepped forward and…' I couldn't bring myself to say it. But I knew I had to. I owed Sam that much.

'He kissed me,' I whispered and looked into her face for the first time in a while. Were those tears in her eyes? 'And then without turning around he walked into the shades, still smiling at me, and his face melted into the darkness.'

I took a few deep breaths. There was no point in holding back the tears. I could smell the rain again. The last twinkle of his eyes when they forever disappeared in the shadows.

'That was the last time I saw him,' I whispered and looked down. That was all I could tell her. For a while all we heard was the wind moving through the trees on the edge of the clearing, barked orders in the distance and boots marching through the ruins. Someone cleared their throat quite close and I flinched. Had anyone been listening? But I had been whispering for a long time, nobody but Sam could have heard. I noticed that the shadows of the tumbled walls had gotten longer, and with every breath I took reality seemed to return to me. The coldness on my skin disappeared. I sighed and looked back at Sam.

'What happened then?,' she asked. Her voice sounded cracked.

'That's it,' I said and shrugged. 'I returned to my studies, Jeff quit his job and became a private investigator. Quite funny that, when I met him he hated being called one.'

'And Lucy?'

'We never saw or heard from her ever again,' I said. 'But what did you expect? Lucifer isn't exactly the kind of person anyone would want as a friend or coworker. At least that's how she would see it.'

Sam nodded, but her face was still serious.

'I see,' she said. 'And after what you've been through, I understand your reaction. But still, it was just an invitation to dinner.'

I buried my head in my hands. 'Yes, but from him.' I looked back up with fresh tears in my eyes. This was starting to get on my nerves. I hadn't cried this much since my nonna died. 'Why did it have to be him?'

'You can't blame Daniel for this, that's not fair,' Sam returned.

'You're right, and I don't.' I wiped over my eyes with the back of my hand.

'Good.' She got back to her feet and looked up at the sky. 'We should pack up, it will be time to leave soon. The colonel wanted to break camp after dusk, the jaffa will have greater trouble stopping us in the dark.'

I nodded and got too my feet. I couldn't feel my legs and had to lean against a wall to stay upright. This wasn't how I had imagined my day to go at all. But it also felt good to tell someone. At least now I had someone here who understood.