Pandora's Box

Bark shattered and exploded, showering me like confetti. With increasing frustration my stick hit against the tree I was currently training on. After two more hits the stick snapped in two and I went to look for another one. Behind me I could hear a sigh and boots scraping over dead leaves and dry twigs when someone shifted their weight. I ignored it, as I had for the last week. I was grateful I was allowed to leave the tunnels with the flickering lights, and I really appreciated that Sam took me to this place in her time off. But I still - didn't feel myself. At night I still woke with screams, and no amount of counselling and medical examinations had changed that. All the scans showed that Astarte was no longer there. The goa'uld body had dissolved and the brain patterns were mine alone. But I still had the feeling that she was there, looking over my shoulder, ready to take over should my strength wane. It was a constant struggle for self-control, at least that's how I felt, as if I had been hanging over an abyss, only holding on with my finger tips, and now that I was back on solid ground I couldn't stop but clench my hands in an effort not to let go.

'We should start heading back,' Sam said when I returned to my chosen tree which was already missing a large amount of its bark with a new branch in hand. I hefted it thoughtfully and changed my grip a few times before it felt right. Nothing was the same as the angel sword I had wielded for nearly a full year, and those memories had gotten even stronger than when I first got here. As if in an effort to flush out everything that wasn't mine, my old life had gotten back to me, clear and vibrant as though it wasn't five years since those events. And somehow holding a sword once more felt good. It made me feel safe. I swung at the tree twice, hitting exactly where I meant to, and I finished with a stab that made a mark on the exposed wood and shattered the tip of the stick, pushing it back into my hand and cutting my skin.

Cussing I dropped it and looked at my bleeding hand. If they had a piano in the base, I reflected while picking the splinters out of my skin, I wouldn't be hitting trees with sticks. I could just take it out on the ivories. Footsteps approached and Sam took my bleeding hand.

'We should get Janet to look at this,' she said with clear concern in her voice. I pulled my hand away and hid it in my pocket, biting down on the pain when the splinters pushed against the fabric and deeper into my skin.

'It's fine,' I said. 'Just a scratch.' Some of the splinters were as thick as my pinky, and we both knew that I was lying and that I was behaving like a moody teenager. But I let her lead the way back to the jeep she had parked near the access road. 'Why do you put up with me?,' I asked her, and she paused in her steps. She hadn't expected me to ask. Did she think I wasn't aware what my behaviour must look like from the outside? 'I'm selfish, rude, inconsiderate, and I can't even stand myself. Why are you still nice to me?'

There was a slight smile on her lips when she turned the key and the engine sprung into life.

'Because I know that that's not our Pan. And I don't mind waiting until she's back.'

The jeep's journey through the pine forest passed in silence. I continued to pull splinters out of my palm, flinching every now and again when we hit a hole in the road and my bloodied fingers slipped. Part of me felt relieved at the pain, relieved to be able to feel my own body, to be in command, but none of that had put my mind at ease so far. I could still feel the familiar snaky tendrils reaching for my mind, searching for a weakness, only a second when I wasn't paying attention. I couldn't let her win.

'We'll be going again tomorrow,' Sam told me when we finally reached the main road again. In this part of the park there was no soul nearby, and I appreciated the solitude. Ahead of us I could already see the fences around the Cheyenne Mountain base. But I loved the nature around us and considering that the others would once more go on a journey without me, because the general had decided that I could not be trusted in my current state, I was glad that they let me out of the base every now and again.

'Which one is it this time?,' I asked, finally removing the last splinter and flexing my hand. 'I believe the last one was already pretty out of the way?'

'You have no idea,' Sam grinned,and pulled out her ID for the checkpoint at the gate.

'No, because nobody ever tells me anything anymore,' I grumbled.

'You know that I can't,' came Sam's sad reply. 'Not until you're cleared by the general.'

'Yeah, I know.' I slammed the door a little too hard when I jumped out and made my way back to the entrance. We didn't speak a single word on our way down and when we exited the lift, I walked straight past Colonel O'Neill and on towards the infirmary. I ignored the looks they gave each other behind my back. Since I had woken up from my close call with the grim reaper, the other four seemed to take shifts to keep an eye on me. Except when they went on a mission like the previous day. But those days I just spent by myself in my room, and if I did go out into the base, everyone did their very best to avoid me and spoke in hushed voices. It was almost as if I was terminally ill.

In the infirmary, one of the nurses patched up the cuts in my hand without looking me in the face. Dr Fraiser was busy over at the other end, where a soldier lay in a bed, most of his body in a cast, but she gave me a brief smile before she went back into her office. I had been avoiding her since the last scan a few days back. I couldn't remember exactly what had been said, but when she told me that the goa'uld had disappeared I got furious. How could she know? She wasn't in my head, couldn't hear her taunting words, her threats to kill all my friends, the constant pressure at the back of my mind and the images flashing in front of my eyes when I was alone in the dark. I couldn't remember what I said or what I did, but knowing my current mood it couldn't have been good, so I thought it was for the best to keep my distance. But the doctor didn't seem to mind. Maybe her medical expertise made it clear that I wasn't myself, and it was still her job to help, whether I wanted it or not.

With my hand bandaged up and still slightly throbbing I walked into the colonel, who had been waiting just outside the door and seemed unwilling to let me walk past him. He had been the most awkward of the group since my death, and I couldn't tell whether he was still contemplating whether he should kill me as he promised, or if his silence had a different reason. When I looked up, his face was as impassive as ever.

'Yes?,' I asked, not even trying to mask my annoyance. He just nodded at my hand.

'A tree beat you up?'

A while back I would have laughed about this remark. But this time I just raised an eyebrow, my face remaining otherwise expressionless. We stood there in silence for a while, until the colonel shifted his weight and continued to speak. I could tell that this was out of kindness rather than that I had won the staring match.

'Carter suggested I take you to the gym. We have a rink there, if you want to do some proper sparring.'

'Against you?' My response sounded more sarcastic than I had intended. 'What did you have in mind? Fencing? Kendo?'

'Yeah,' was his only response and he turned and started to walk down the hall. I followed in puzzlement, unable to remember if sword fight was part of the standard training for the air force. And even if it was, what were my chances of winning? All my sword skill came from fighting heavenly warriors five years ago, and the weapon I used back then had been extremely light. My exercises outside, hitting an innocent tree with a stick, didn't even come close to reinforcing what I had picked up.

Through one of the identical doors we stepped into a well-equipped gym with plenty of benches and weights and - yes - a boxing rink. The colonel opened one of the lockers and took out padded helmets and chest protectors. When he handed me one set, I was tempted to refuse, but something in his look made me realise that that would be a bad idea. Then he also took out two bamboo swords I recognised as Japanese training swords and tossed one at me. It hit my outstretched palm, but the pain from earlier made me flinch and it clattered to the ground. Colonel O'Neill watched as I picked it up gingerly, not lifting the tip completely off the floor.

'We can do this another day,' he said.

'No, it's fine,' I said, gripping the handle hard with both hands and biting down on the pain. I knew that I needed this.

The door opened and Teal'c walked in, stopping in the middle of the room when he noticed us. The colonel gave him a nod and climbed into the ropes surrounding the rink. After a moment I followed. I had never been in a rink like this, and hadn't thought I ever would be. None of the sports I did involved a place like this. I looked around until my eyes rested on the colonel, who had taken the classic kendo stance. With a sigh I raised my sword as well. It was much heavier than both my sword and the stick I had played with before, but that wouldn't stop me. The colonel struck first, but his movements were slow and easy to read. As I blocked him, I wondered if he was making it easy for me, or if he had never done this before and just tried to cheer me up. The next two blows were just as easy to deflect, so I made a move of my own. Stepping forward, my sword hit his twice and then his shoulder. He jumped back, but I was already in his space and aimed for his ankle. The colonel fell over backwards and lost his weapon, which slid out under the ropes and clattered on the floor on the other side.

I straightened up and extended a hand to help him back to his feet. I appreciated what he was trying to do, but I preferred a challenge. If I won simply by being there, what was the point.

'Thanks,' I said, pulling him back to his feet. 'But that was too easy.'

I unfastened my helmet and was on my way out of the rink when I saw Teal'c climbing between the ropes, sword in hand. He wasn't wearing any padding, but something told me he wouldn't think of putting it on.

'Perhaps I would be a better opponent for a fighter of your skill,' his voice boomed through the room. I paused, considering this. Part of me was already tired of playing this game, and I judged Teal'c either to have no experience with a sword, or - and this seemed far more likely - much better trained than me. This battle might be weighted the other way. But there was only one way to find out. I tossed the helmet out of the boundary and faced Teal'c. The colonel had rolled out under the ropes and was taking his padding off, but I was completely focussed on the giant jaffa warrior. We circled each other, trying to weigh the other one up before we made the first move. I never saw him blink even once, then suddenly his sword crashed into mine and I was pushed back. I had expected him to be strong, but the force of the impact still surprised me. My counterattack was blocked without him seeming to move, and then his sword came flying towards me again, whipped aside my defense and collided with my left arm and the side of my head. I fell to the ground, stunned, my head and the other hits pulsing with pain. Through my blurred vision I saw someone else enter the gym and I heard the colonel's voice far away.

'That's enough, Teal'c. We need her in one piece.'

'What's going on?' I recognised Sam's voice. But the pain subsided and I got back to my feet. I turned to face Teal'c again. Strength would not help me here, he had more of that than me. So trickery and speed were my only options. I tried a feint, luring him into defending on one side and then moving around to the other one. I managed to get two hits on his thigh before he could block my sword. But I didn't give him any time to adjust to my new tactics. Pretending to attack from the front, I hit him on the knee on the other side, sidestepped his next attack and while he was expecting a blow straight from above, I rolled under his legs to his back. He had turned and got his sword back up before I could attack, but now I could see in his face that he had underestimated me. His last attack I saw moments before he started moving, and when his sword shot forward, it shot past me and my stick came down heavy on his wrists. With a wooden clatter his sword dropped and the tip of mine was on his chest.

Someone in the room started to clap and I saw Teal'c's mouth twist. Was that a smile? He bowed his head in appreciation, then he turned and left the rink. Breathing heavily, I picked up his sword and followed, handing them both to the colonel on the other side. Suddenly there was a tissue in my face and someone dragged me to a bench and made me sit down.

'Thank you,' I said to Teal'c when he walked by. 'I hope that wasn't too boring for you. I'm nowhere near as good as you.'

He paused for a moment. 'Your strength may not be as formidable,' came his answer, 'but you have the heart of a lioness. And in battle, that is the greater strength.' With that he walked out.

'I think you impressed him,' said the colonel and stepped into my field of view. 'He doesn't get beaten by women that often.'

Someone was still pressing a tissue to my temple, but only when she spoke I knew that it was Sam.

'What were you thinking,' she said, and I couldn't tell who she was addressing. 'Now she can go straight back to the infirmary.'

'Not my fault,' the colonel pointed out. 'But she had me in three seconds, so Teal'c stepped in.'

I grinned. My heart was racing and it had been a long time since I had felt so alive, pain or not. When Sam took the tissue off my face, I saw the blood on it. It wasn't much, but the impact must have ripped my skin a little.

'It's just a scratch,' I said when she tried to wipe my face again and waved her away. 'I'm fine.' I took a deep breath. 'I'm a lot better.'

'You should at least wash the blood off then,' Sam said, her voice a lot softer this time. 'Come, I'll walk you.'

I removed the padding and gave it to the colonel with a smile. His face seemed a lot less screwed up this time. On our way through the endless corridors, I finally asked a question I had on my mind for a few days.

'How is Daniel?'

He had been avoiding me, too. And with everything that had been going on, I wasn't sure if that was good or bad.

'Busy,' Sam grinned. 'You know him. Every gate we go to is related to the Odyssey, and he is very - immersed.'

'I would be, too,' I grinned back. 'But I'm not allowed anywhere near that stuff.'

'Why don't you go talk to Janet?,' Sam suggested. 'They said it was just temporary until you're better.'

'Sure, because apparently a good thumping on the head was all I needed to get fixed.' My voice sounded sharp and snappy in my ears and I stopped dead, trying to fight down the tightness in my throat. Had she found a weakness? Had she been waiting for an opening to strike and take over again? After a few moments the feeling disappeared and I took a deep breath. The doubt was the worst part, this uncertainty of whether I was just imagining things or if Astarte was somehow still there, weakened but waiting. Sam put a hand on my shoulder and gave me a worried look, but I brushed it away and shook my head. We continued in silence around a corner and were faced with a group of people. One was the general with two airmen, the other was a man I had never seen before, wearing a blue uniform and also accompanied by three military-looking men. I stopped when Sam froze, then she put a hand on my shoulder and started to lead me the other way.

'This makes things easier,' I heard a voice behind my back. 'Ms Polo, if I may.'

Even the tone of his voice made me want to run faster. But the general was with him, so I hoped for the best, while Sam closed her eyes in horror and let go. I approached the group, looking from one to the other, trying to assess the situation. The man who had addressed me, the leader of the blue uniforms, looked me up and down, then a sneer flashed across his face and he turned back to the general. I instantly disliked everything about him. The slimy hair was combed back under his hat, which my nonna would have told him to take off indoors. On his face was a smug smile, as though I was a prized horse that just won a race. And now was about to be auctioned off to the highest bidder, which might just be him. A large part of me, and I couldn't tell if these were mine or Astarte's instincts, wanted to scratch his eyes out.

'You see, general, human rights don't apply in her case,' he continued a conversation I had missed out on, but I instantly could tell that he was talking about me.

'Excuse me?' My voice could have cut through granite. Suddenly all their eyes were on me, and I was shaking with anger. 'How dare you, sir? No, what am I saying. How dare you, mister.'

'Pan, it's alright,' Sam murmured into my ear. But I wasn't done yet.

'Who are you to decide when human rights apply and when not? Are you God? The UN General Secretary? And how do you define humanity? Two legs, walking upright and a decent brain size? Or would you like to try a DNA test, which the kind general has already done and confirmed?'

'Only those registered and with the appropriate documentation to prove their identity are entitled to legal representation in this case,' came his reply, and now there was a definite sneer on his face. Right, I thought to myself, a bureaucrat.

'So that's your excuse when you shoot innocent civilians in a foreign country?,' I snapped back at him. 'That they didn't have the right kind of paperwork on them?'

'That's enough, Pan,' the general cut in, but I could tell that he didn't like this conversation one bit either. 'And for the last time, Maybourne, she stays here. If the research assistance role isn't enough for you, she at least counts as research material for Dr Jackson, so this is none of your concern.'

'We'll see about that,' Maybourne snapped and stormed off, his three cronies following him.

'Thank you, sir,' I addressed the general, not sure what I was thanking him for. After all, he did refer to me as a piece of equipment. Hasty footsteps rounded the corner and the colonel joined the group.

'I thought I heard a dog bark,' he told the general, who gave a grave nod.

'Maybourne and the NID heard about Pan, and now they're trying to leverage all their authority for us to hand her over.'

'What do they want with me?,' I asked.

'The official paper reads 'Further testing and research',' the general continued. I clenched my fists.

'You mean they want to experiment on me,' I said in a low voice. 'Over my dead body.'

'I don't think they would mind that,' Sam added and I felt a chill run down my spine. She sounded serious.

A warm hand on my shoulder brought me back into reality and I heard the colonel's voice next to my ear.

'I'll take her to Daniel's office, General. I think there was something he needed help with.'

'Yes, that's fine,' the general returned, still in thought about the earlier intrusion. 'Just don't let her out of your sight.'

I hung my head a bit when I was led off. So they really didn't trust me anymore. But the prospect of seeing Daniel again made me even more uneasy. His first attempts to cheer me up had failed miserably and as a result he had stopped trying altogether. And since he was always buried in work, I hadn't seen him a lot otherwise. Not that it made a difference, I thought, I just felt that things were very different now that he knew about my past. I knew the way and I knew the door even before the colonel opened it and we entered. The office was a mess. Notes and open books were strewn everywhere, the computer screen was flashing, trying to keep all the windows open simultaneously. The tables were covered in items, some with notes attached to them, others sitting in open boxes. My old working corner was completely buried in even more notes and I had to look around for quite a while before I noticed that Daniel wasn't actually here. I was half relieved, half disappointed at this, but I proceeded to look around. Everything seemed to be indexed and analysed and at a first glance I couldn't see anything that seemed strange.

'What did he want me to look at?,' I asked the colonel, who himself was taking in the scene.

He walked over to the central table, his eyes moving over all the items there, then he picked up a strange object and handed it to me. At first I thought it was a giant egg, then the handles and shaped base made me think of an urn. But neither seemed to be correct. It was heavy in my hands when I took it, and the handles and base were similar to urns, but the container itself was perfectly sealed. There was no lid and no openings. The surface was too smooth, and I had never seen china in this shade of blue unless it was painted. I turned it over and over, trying to find the opening, but there was no crack and no visible seal. When my fingers traced the swirls on the surface, I had a familiar throbbing sensation in my head and a series of images flashed in front of my eyes. These weren't the twisted memories of the goa'uld, these were Ancient ones. I smiled, glad for this input. It was the first time the Ancient part of my mind made itself known since it helped me defeat Astarte. I had tried to trance and speak with Circe again, but I was unsuccessful. Either she didn't let me or now that I was back in control, my subconscious was much harder to reach.

'These paintings are interesting,' I said and blinked. There were no paintings on the amphora, and I was certain there hadn't been any traces either when I examined it. Why had I said that? I was sure I had seen them, but had it been a memory or something else?

The colonel looked over my shoulder and I frowned at the container. Then I put it down again, turned it under the light, trying to find the figures and patterns I had seen for an instant. If they had been on there, even in the distant past, there had to be traces.

'Where are they?' I murmured to myself. A heavy hand took my shoulder and I sighed. 'I'm sure there were paintings on this,' I told the colonel, my headache increasing. 'I just saw them.'

'We should wait until Daniel comes back,' the colonel said. Something in his voice made me uneasy. Why was he nervous about an urn? Where did they find it and how?

I sighed again and gave in. With one finger I traced the outline of the tangled pattern I had seen on the amphora before. There was a whirring sound and a click. A jolt travelled up my arm and through my body, making it tingle as though I was travelling at speed over a gravel road. Behind me I heard the colonel curse and he let go of my shoulder. But my eyes were fixed on the amphora. From where my finger touched it, black swirls started to cover the surface and reveal the paintings I had seen in the memory. But that wasn't all that changed. There was a gap at the top, as though a lid had lost its seal, and it rose slowly. Underneath I saw an orange light and strange machinery whirring and blinking. Then the light was drowned out by green smoke, which poured out of the opening, over the sides and onto the table.

The colonel swore even more, picked up the amphora and tried to close the lid and stop the smoke. It had started to run off the table and onto the ground like thick water.

'Give me a hand, would ya?,' he growled in my direction when his efforts made no improvement and I was still watching in wonder. Had I done that? His words broke my stupor and together we tried to force the lid down again, but even our combined strength wasn't enough to counter the strength of the mechanism inside. For a moment I considered sticking my fingers inside the lid to see if I could find a way to break it and force it shut, but then I had a vision of the orange light burning my hands if I tried that. The light and even the smoke felt very warm, and I didn't want to get any closer. We put the urn back on the table and I turned and looked at it, trying to find a hint in the paintings that would reverse whatever I had done. The colonel ran for the door, where I saw him hit an alarm button with his hand wrapped in his sleeve, but the glass didn't shatter and the alarm didn't go off. My attention turned back to the urn, I pushed and felt all the patterns painted on the surface, trying to find a way to reverse whatever I had done. I only turned when someone started coughing and I noticed Daniel in the door, holding onto the door frame and covering his nose and mouth with a sleeve. He stared around the room wide-eyed, then he went straight for the alarm button next to the colonel, breaking the glass. The lights dimmed and I saw red lights flash in the corridor while a siren started to howl. Distant grinding noise sounded like heavy metal moving and then hitting concrete.

'I'm sorry,' I started and walked towards him. 'I don't know what happened. I remembered a painting on it, and when I traced the pattern, it just…'

Daniel didn't respond, he walked straight towards the desk and the urn and - just passed through me like a ghost. I froze, trying to find out what had just happened, but I hadn't even felt anything, not even a tingle of a presence. It was as though he didn't exist at all. I turned to him standing at the table. He was still coughing violently and didn't as much as blink when I waved my hand in front of his eyes. With one hand he picked up the urn, with the other he still covered his nose and mouth, trying not to breathe in the green smoke. I reached out to take the urn from him, but while it felt solid enough, my hand passed straight through his. Panicking I took a step back and ended up inside a chair. I turned and tried to get away from the ghostly furniture, tripped over my own feet and fell through Daniel and the table behind him. With wide eyes I looked over at the colonel, who was simply watching the proceedings from his place by the door. He frowned when Daniel put the urn back down, almost doubled over with coughing and staggered through the door and back outside. I crawled out from under the desk, uncertain why I didn't just get to my feet. I knew I wouldn't hit my head on it, but somehow having a table halfway through my body seemed wrong.

My hands shaking I picked up the devilish container. It felt solid. But when I put it back down and put my hands on the table, they went straight through. There was no sensation at all. I took a deep breath and stepped forward into the surface. None of the items were disturbed by my passage straight through them, and when I had reached the other side, I turned to the colonel, shock on my face.

'What is going on?'

'Whatever it is,' he growled and nodded at the smoke that had started to flood into the corridor, 'it's not hurting us. Just everyone else.'

I stared. Then I started running, his footsteps close behind me. The sight in the corridor was worse than I had thought. Soldiers and scientists lay on the floor, struggling to breathe. Green smoke was flowing around them like a river and where it touched their skin I could see yellow blisters forming. I knelt down next to an airman, his eyes were shut and his breathing was shallow. His hands and his neck were covered in blisters, and I could watch them grow up his jaw and onto his face.

'What the hell,' I whispered and tried to touch his deformed skin, before I remembered and pulled my hand back. I got back up and took a deep breath. There was too much going on and I didn't know enough to be sure. So I turned to the colonel, hoping both our heads could get us out of this.

'Right,' I began and started pacing up and down next to him, through the collapsed people on the ground. 'I'm pretty sure we're not ghosts. I didn't see our bodies anywhere. So that's good, we're not in any immediate danger. We can't touch anything or be touched.' I stopped. 'So we have to find a way to get back before we die of starvation or dehydration.' I looked straight at him. 'I hope you had breakfast this morning, colonel.'

He rolled his eyes at me.

'The green smoke comes out of the urn, and it is the cause of whatever is happening to everyone,' I continued and looked up at the flashing light. 'And what's that? Fire alarm?'

'Quarantine lockdown,' the colonel returned.

I nodded. 'At least that means nobody else is going to come in and be exposed. And whatever this is, i won't get out of the base.' I continued my pacing.

'That's the general idea,' he said and folded his arms. He never took his eyes off me. I was still pacing, trying to get my head around recent events. I had opened a jar and now suddenly everyone was dying. The outside world wasn't affected, at least yet, and neither were we. That made us the only people in a position to help. If only I knew where to start. Then I suddenly stopped, coldness spreading through my body.

'If we can't touch anything, no furniture and no people…' I stopped and stretched my hand out towards a wall. With painful slowness I watched my fingers disappear into the solid concrete. I pulled it back with a gasp. I hadn't expected this. 'If even the walls aren't solid,' my hollow voice echoed in my ears 'what are we standing on?'

A hard grip on my arm spun me around and a flat hand connected with my face, flinging it to the side. I held my burning cheek and looked at the colonel in complete terror.

'Snap out of it,' he snarled. 'We don't have time for this.'

I took a few deep breaths and waited for my face to cool down.

'Sorry,' I managed. 'But I don't even know where to start. I think the urn is how we get back to the solid world, but with what is going on right now I don't know if that's a good idea. That would just make us two more casualties in whatever this is.'

The colonel nodded and let go of my arm.

'Let's go to the command centre,' he suggested. As we moved through the bodies in the corridor, he continued. 'I could be wrong, but I think Daniel mentioned something like this. Being there and not there, not being heard or seen, not being able to touch anything. When we found a crystal skull in some Aztec temple, he set off some sort of particle thing and we thought the radioation killed him, but he was with us the entire time and only his granddad could se or hear him.' I listened in amazement. This sounded more like Indiana Jones than a mission report.

'And how did he get back?'

'When we returned the skull to where we found it and set off the same process,' the colonel explained. 'Somehow that fixed it.'

'So, colonel, do you think everything will return to normal when I trace the same pattern?'

He just shrugged and took the stairs to the control room two at a time. At the top of the stairs he stopped and I nearly walked into him. The people here were toppled over in their seats, their heads dropped to their chests or resting on their keyboards. Colonel O'Neill tried to enter commands into the system, but his fingers went straight through the keyboard, as did his fist when he tried to thump it. Realisation washed over me and I felt my knees shake.

'This is all my fault, isn't it.'

He turned to me, but when he saw my face he stepped away from the controls, took my arm and dragged me up the stairs into the conference room. He pushed me into a chair, and I was too preoccupied to notice that this time I didn't fall straight through. The colonel sat down next to me and stared at me for a while.

'Blaming yourself won't help,' he said.

'Do you think that's why I'm doing this,' I said, staring into nothing. There was no response. 'I don't even know why I did it,' I continued. 'Or if it was me at all.'

More silence from the chair next to me.

'I can still hear her,' I continued. 'I can feel her at the back of my mind, waiting. Every evening I don't dare go to sleep in case she takes over, and every morning I'm not sure if it's actually me getting up and doing all those things.' I looked over at the colonel. 'Sometimes I think I'm going mad. There are already memories that aren't mine in my mind since I got here, but now there are hers as well, nightmares full of blood and cruelty. And no matter what I do, I can't get rid of her.' I felt my eyes staring to burn and quickly looked away before he could see my tears. 'I'm just … so scared. Scared that I'll harm one of you, that she takes over again and I can't stop her. And now this. And it's all my fault.'

I buried my face in my hands. There was another long pause. Then the colonel sighed and leaned back.

'The main problem is,' he said, every syllable slotting into place, 'that you're thinking too much. It's not bad,' he continued when I turned to look at him with red eyes. 'And it's definitely not an unknown problem with many people I know.'

'The only way I could stop thinking,' I replied to his suggestion, 'is by putting a bullet into my brain.'

'Not a chance,' he said. 'Tried that. There's always some bugger who stops you.'

I stared, not sure which part of his statement was more amazing. The fact that they'd try to stop me, even after what Ba'al had done to me and what I had done since then, or rather what Astarte had made me do. Or the fact that Colonel O'Neill had stood at exactly this point before, ready to die just to make it all stop. Did I dare ask?

'About seven years back,' he began and I couldn't help a smile flash over my face, 'I was in a dark place. My son killed himself with my gun.' My smile faded away. 'When the airforce asked for a volunteer for a suicide mission through the stargate, I was all for it. But one stubborn archaeologist wouldn't let me stay behind to set off a bomb. Instead he convinced me to blow up a goa'uld mothership and return through the stargate.'

I smiled to myself. 'You guys are great,' I murmured. 'You've always got each other's backs.' The colonel snorted.

'Took me a while to forgive him.'

'You didn't want to come back.'

'Of course not, that was why I went in the first place. I knew I wouldn't come back, and I was fine with that. I was prepared. But then I had to come back anyway, and somehow that was a lot harder than…'

'Sacrificing yourself, colonel?'

He locked eyes with me for some moments. I had stopped worrying about myself, for the moment, but this man obviously had more than one reason for his grey hairs. And I was curious what he would tell me next, apart from telling me not to interrupt him. It was a bad habit, but one I didn't intend to break with. Like in chess, I preferred to be one step ahead, knowing where the conversation was heading and steering it if necessary. But his answer was unexpected.

'Jack is fine, you know.'

I blinked.

'Pardon?'

'Jack,' he said and leaned forward a bit. 'My name.'

'Y-yes, okay,' I said with a frown. What was going on? And why was this happening?

'Well, now that you're done crying your heart out,' he said, slapped the table with both hands, which passed straight through the surface, and got to his feet, 'let's go save the world.'

I stared after him as he left the room.

'You coming?,' I heard him call from downstairs and suddenly remembered I had legs. Cautiously I followed, still trying to come to terms with this sudden change in tone. So now in the middle of all this we were suddenly on first name terms?

We made our way back down the stairs and into the maze of the base. I pushed past Jack and started to lead the way.

'This is all still Greek mythology, right?' I asked him.

'Seems pretty real to me,' he pointed out, looking at a soldier gasping for breath on the ground.

'Yes, real. But also from stories. What was the last place you went to?'

'Can't tell ya.'

'Jack,' I turned to face him. 'This is important. It could be the answer. Which part of the story is it? Where did this urn come from?'

'I can't tell you, okay?' He almost yelled at me. 'I want to. But I always fall asleep in those stupid briefings…'

Despite myself I started to laugh. He watched me double over with laughter at this confession. It took me almost a minute to catch my breath.

'Oh boy,' I said. 'Right. Not helpful. Is there really nothing you remember?'

'Dunno.' He shrugged. 'Daniel was going on about an urn, or an amphora, or some container. Said it was very important.'

'The urn on the table?'

'I assume so.' Jack was gesturing with his arms and shoulders. 'Like I said, wasn't paying attention.'

'Urn. Amphora. Container.' I pushed the words around in my mind. 'The ancient greeks burned their dead, so maybe the ashes of someone famous? Perseus? No, that's nonsense, he had nothing to do with Odysseus.' I started pacing again, passing by Jack who had his arms folded. 'Fog that makes everyone sick. Container.' My eyes suddenly widened and I slapped my hand on my forehead. Could it be this obvious. 'Fuck,' I said to myself. 'It is me. It is my fault.'

'We've been through this,' said the colonel.

'Yes. And it's true. Don't you get it?' I turned around to him. 'A container. It may be an urn, but it's also a box. And I opened it. Get it?'

I just looked into Jack's blank face. He was really good at those.

'Nevermind, let's go!' I started walking again.

'Where are we going?' he called after me.

'The infirmary.'

It took me a few steps to realise he wasn't following me anymore. I turned and found him staring at the ground. At a pile of collapsed people. I saw the blonde hair and didn't need to walk around her to recognise Sam among them. Jack slowly bent down, reached out a hand to touch her face. Her breathing was shallow and the yellow blisters almost covered all of her skin. Her eyes were closed. Next to her I saw Daniel leaning against the wall in the same state.

'It's alright. We'll help them,' I whispered. 'I promise.'

Jack froze, not moving. I wasn't sure how much time passed, but it felt like half an eternity before he managed to tear himself away.

'I know,' he said and gave me one of his crooked smiles. 'Let's go.'

We were almost running. Doors couldn't stop us, and only when we were inside the infirmary did I realise that we had passed through thick hazard doors stopping the smoke from entering. Inside was crawling with people in white hazard suits. Gloves, helmets with visors, oxygen tanks. I was sidestepping people, trying to find the doctor. I wasn't sure what I was going to do when I found her, but she seemed the right person to solve this problem. Jack pointed at a corner and I saw someone in a white suit speaking into a comms system. Once in a while they turned and gestured at the other people around, who went and busied themselves with whatever was going on in here.

'That's her,' he said and I nodded.

'...not much I can do at this point,' we heard her say when we got closer. 'The suits only seem to work to a limit. I've already lost two men who tried to get out there.'

'Do what you can, doctor,' a voice squawked from the speaker. I had expected the general on the other end, but all my hairs suddenly stood on end. It was the voice of the slimy man. What had they called him? Maybourne. 'You are our only hope in there. But you do realise that your pet has done this, don't you?'

'Sir, I'd appreciate it if you wouldn't jump to conclusions.' The doctor's voice sounded like ice. 'You are acting like there haven't been any incidents or problems since she arrived here. And as of this moment we haven't confirmed the source of the…'

'It's a jar in Dr Jackson's office,' Maybourne cut in. 'And since I am now in charge here, I have access to all the CCTV footage, and guess who was the last one who touched it?'

There was silence from both now. I held my breath.

'I'm sure it wasn't deliberate,' said Dr Fraiser, but I could hear the doubt in her voice. It stabbed at my heart. 'But her Ancient DNA should have protected her from this anyway. If it is a normal sickness. Did she fall ill too?'

'No idea,' said Maybourne from the other side. 'She disappeared. And the colonel, too.'

'Where to?'

'No idea. Just into thin air. I had the footage analysed in case that was some alien conspiracy for her to set off that thing and then get away safely.'

'You are an idiot,' Dr Fraiser said into the microphone in a level voice. 'This is now a medical emergency, which makes me the one in charge. Go back to your war games, I have people to cure.'

'You go right ahead, doctor.' Maybourne sounded almost cheerful. I wanted to punch him. 'I was hoping she'd give us a chance to test some theories.'

Dr Fraiser flicked a switch and the lights on the device went off.

'If I just had Pan around,' she said to herself and walked past us. 'She could be the solution to this.'

'What does she mean?' I asked the colonel.

'Ah, something,' he grimaced. 'Can't really remember. There was a sickness here before, and the ancient we had here was immune or something.'

'It would make sense,' I said slowly. 'If you created a biochemical weapon, it would be useful if it didn't affect your own race… Let's see.'

I started to race back to Daniel's office.

'I am so going to kill him,' I said through clenched teeth as we came closer. 'Just watch me.'

'Who?'

'Maybourne.'

I ran through the door and picked up the urn again. I turned to face Jack, green smoke pouring from the jar between my hands.

'I think I have to do this alone,' I told him. 'If Dr Fraiser is right, I'll be okay. But if I take you back with me, you'll be like everyone else.'

'Yup, makes sense,' he said slowly. 'But wouldn't it be a better idea to turn the smoke off first.'

'Argh, you're right. I need instructions for this thing,' I stared at the designs on the urn, but nothing meant anything to me. 'Try to help me find some of his notes. Drawings, anything.'

I started to rifle through papers, only to notice that like with everything else, my hands passed straight through it. Frustrated I let my eyes scan everything for a clue. Daniel's handwriting was terrible and I hardly managed to decipher anything. Jack and I scanned everything we could see, tried to peer at notes that were hidden under other papers and even some that were face down, trying to see the writing through the paper. But to no avail, nothing was in the least related or helpful. I sank to my knees in desperation - and saw a page that had fallen off the table, right where the urn had been when I first came in. Excited I scrambled over, only to notice that this page also was lying face down, the notes covered and impossible to read. With a heavy sigh I sat down and shut my eyes.

'Circe,' I thought in my mind. 'I need your help. Please. Pandora needs to close the box. It's enough now.'

It wasn't like previous answers. There were no words, no images. Just a feeling. Like I had done this before.

'I really hate this intuition thing,' I said, getting back to my feet. I looked at Jack and smiled apologetically. 'I'll be back.'

'I know,' he said with a smile, crossed his arms and leaned against the wall. 'I'll be here.'

I took a deep breath and closed my eyes. My hands traced patterns on the urn that I couldn't see and that I was sure weren't there. But something happened, because I felt my body shift, and suddenly there was a heaviness to the air. And it smelled terrible.

'Oh god,' I said and started to cough. I doubled over and covered my nose and mouth with my sleeve. 'That's foul.'

I wasn't sure what I had expected. But I didn't feel sick. Still coughing I picked up the jar again, moving my fingers around the base. With a slight whirr, the lid folded back down, the smoke stopped and the orange light disappeared when the top closed seamlessly, not leaving a trace of its existence. The fog still lingered, but I could feel the base of my neck tingle and I stopped coughing.

'Right,' I said to myself more than to anyone else. I picked up the urn and made my way to the infirmary. Along the way I stepped over legs and bodies, trying not to hurt anyone. I paused when I noticed I was stepping over Sam. I glanced over at Daniel, his glasses hanging off his ear. But I shook my head and continued on. Then I stood outside the enormous metal gates that barred my access to the infirmary. Lacking a better idea, I knocked as hard as I could and waited. A few moments passed. Then a radio next to the gate buzzed into life.

'Yes?'

'Hey, it's Pan,' I said and felt incredibly stupid about it. 'I don't know how I can help, but I managed to stop the smoke and I think I'm fine.'

There was a pause.

'I'm really sorry, I didn't know what would happen,' I continued. 'I was running around trying to find a way to fix it, and Jack said something about ancients and illnesses, so I thought I…'

I was interrupted by a light flashing above me and the giant metal doors lifting. As soon as the crack was big enough for a person, someone in a white hazmat suit came out and hugged me.

'I'm so glad you're here!,' I heard Dr Fraiser's muffled voice through the helmet. 'I thought you were gone.'

'I was,' I told her. 'But I was also still here. Trapped in a parallel dimension or something. Still not quite sure.'

She dragged me inside and made me sit down on one of the beds, jar still in hands.

'And you're feeling fine?' she checked and shone her stupid pen light into my eyes again.

'Yes,' I said, trying to blink the purple lights away. 'And everyone outside is still wheezing and covered in blisters.' I swallowed and put the jar down on the bed next to me. 'It wasn't on purpose, I swear.'

'We know that, love. Don't worry.' Dr Fraiser was handling some equipment she had dragged over on a small cart.

'I wasn't sure it was going to work when I came back.' I took a deep breath when I saw her pick up a syringe. 'What are you going to do?'

'Take some blood samples,' she said and applied a disinfectant to my elbow pit. 'And then we can isolate the antibody your body is producing with the ancient genes and maybe, just maybe, create a cure for this sickness.'

'That almost made sense to me,' I said and shuddered when the needle entered my skin. I looked away. 'Do you know what kind of sickness it is?'

'As far as I could tell so far, all of them,' she sighed. She held up a glass tube full of deep red and looked at it against the light. 'But this should help.'

'Can I help?' I could feel myself get restless already. 'I really want to do something.'

'You can help administering this once I'm done,' she said and disappeared into her lab.

It took an hour. An hour of sitting in a room full of people in hazmat suits and wondering what was going to happen to me. Were they going to kick me out? They couldn't send me home, there was no home for me to go to. They could probably give me the alien equivalent to a witness protection program. Give me a new identity, a place to live, a life to build. But then I'd be out there and exposed to people like Maybourne, who would love to find out what else I was capable of.

At last Dr Fraiser emerged from her laboratory with a tray full of pen-looking things and her helmet off. She beamed.

'It worked! These are dose pens. Just jab that end into someone's leg for about 5 seconds, then take it out and go to the next person.'

I nodded and took one. So did the other people in the infirmary. They all applied a dose to their own arm first, waited a few moments and took their helmets off. We emerged like bees from a hive, stabbing everyone we could find in the hallways. I watched with fascination as the blisters withdrew into the skin and they gasped for breath as they regained consciousness. It really worked!

I moved quickly, curing anyone I could find. At last I reached Sam, gave her a dose and waited while she recovered. When I moved over to Daniel, nothing happened. I noticed a little counter on my pen that showed a 0. Looking back over my shoulder I returned to the infirmary to get a refill. With the new pen I hurried back to where I was - only to find Sam and Daniel standing on shaky legs, talking to someone in a hazard suit. I gave Sam a quick nod when she noticed me, turned the next corner and continued my journey of healing. At some point every place I went to someone else was already there helping or people were already getting up. I circled the corridors three times to make sure before I returned to the infirmary. There I found Dr Fraiser talking with Sam, Daniel and Teal'c. She gave me a cheerful waive when I entered and the other three turned to face me with a smile.

'Thanks,' said Sam. 'Seems like we owe you one.'

'You really don't,' I mumbled, went over to the urn and picked it up. 'Just call it one less sin to atone.'

'What are you talking about?' This was Daniel.

'Well, if it hadn't been for me, this whole mess wouldn't have… Oh, I forgot!'

I turned and ran out the doors, through the corridors and back to Daniel's office. I was hoping like hell Jack was actually still here, waiting.

'What are you doing?' Daniel had come up behind me and watched me put the urn back on the table.

'I need to get Jack back,' I said. 'He's still on the other side.'

'Other side?'

'It's … it's complicated. Can I tell you later?'

'You'll have to,' he said, crossing his arms. 'Because I would love to know what that thing does.'

'Fog of illness for a start, or so it seems,' I sighed. 'Is it all gone? Or do we need a cure for him when he comes through?'

'The vents got rid of it by now,' Sam chimed in from the doorway. 'It's apparently only lethal in high concentrations. The general already came through and gave the all clear.'

'Perfect.' My fingers moved across the surface of the urn, carefully tracing a path. 'I will be right back.'

I saw them blink and then look around, Just as a test I reached out for the table. My hand went straight through it. I looked around the room, but there was no sign of the colonel.

'Jack?' I called out, stepping through the door into the hallway. 'Where are you? I can take you back!'

'About time,' I heard a voice behind me. 'I was getting tired of talking to myself.'

I spun around. 'Where did you come from?' He was standing in the same corner, but I knew he hadn't been there before.

He reached out a hand and haved it through the wall behind him.

'Walls aren't there,' he said. 'Should have thought of that before trying to lean against one.'

I coughed. Then I chuckled. Then I started laughing, releasing all the tension I had built up in the last hours. I couldn't carry the weight of the world on my shoulders, no matter how hard I tried. I just had to accept that things happened, and sometimes I may have caused them, but as long as I did everything in my power to put things right, it would always be the right thing to do. I couldn't control the universe, and I didn't think I wanted to. Jack was grinning at me.

'Come on, I want to get home. I'm hungry. And I need a beer.'

'Yeah, alcohol sounds about right,' I sighed. I took his hand and reached out for the urn. This time there was no orange light, no smoke, just a sudden change in the weight of the world and three gasps behind us as Sam, Daniel and Teal'c were staring at the formerly empty space which now contained two people.

'Good to see ya,' Jack nodded at the others. 'Heard the last hours took your breath away.'

'That's certainly one way of putting it,' I grinned.

'Oh look at that, isn't that touching.' I clenched my fists at the sound of the voice. 'All reunited with your alien freak, and miraculously healed of the miraculous disease.'

Maybourne was gloating around the corner, flanked by his cronies in uniform.

'Pandora opened her box and spread illness across the world. Aren't you lucky this place has safety precautions for this? You could have killed this entire world. But then it isn't really your world, is it.'

The speed with which I flew at him surprised me. What surprised me even more was that the colonel and Teal'c were even faster and both caught my arms, stopping me an inch from his throat. I saw Teal'c's muscles bulge with effort. Maybourne took two steps back into the corridor, his own hand flying to his throat.

'Keep that … thing away from me,' he managed, then he turned and walked as fast as dignity would allow down the hallway, followed by the men. I took a deep breath when they let go of me. My only satisfaction was the terrified look on Maybourne's face and the knowledge that it had taken both of their strength to stop me. I froze and looked down.

'You don't have to be scared of him,' said Sam and put her hand on my shoulder. 'He can't do anything here.'

'It's not him I'm scared of,' I admitted and grimaced. 'It's me. Somehow that… didn't feel like it…'

'It was absolutely justified,' said Jack. 'I feel like doing that sometimes. Just not a good idea to do it when he has company.' He winked at me. 'Maybe next time. Stop worrying. You're you, and we all know that.''

'All reunited I see,' the general said over the colonel's shoulder and gave me a nod. I smiled back. 'I'm not sure if anyone can tell me what was going on.'

'I can, sir,' the colonel stood to attention.

'Very well, Colonel O'Neill. In my office if you don't mind.'

They walked down the hallway and disappeared around a corner.

I looked from one to the other, shrouded in awkward silence. To my surprise it was broken by Daniel.

'So it was Pandora's box after all. I wasn't sure when we found it.'

'I should have waited for you,' I sighed. 'But I was sure I saw paintings on it, just for a split second, and when I touched it…'

'It's alright,' Sam said. 'Nothing happened.'

'Yes, it did. You all could have died.'

'But we didn't,' said Daniel and put a hand on my shoulder. 'And Pandora closed the box, keeping the hope inside.'

'What?'

'That's the end of the story, didn't you know?' He smiled. 'Pandora was sent by the gods, they made her with all their graces to seduce mankind. Some sources call her the first woman.'

'Yes, I know that part. The Eve of Greek mythology.'

'Yes, but after she opened the box and released illness, she closed it before hope could escape.'

'Hope for what?'

'All hope,' Daniel said. 'There is always hope. Pandora made sure of that.'

We stood in silence for a few moments, before he continued to speak.

'Pan, didn't you say you play the piano?'

'I haven't since I got here. Which feels like a long time,' I admitted. 'But yes.'

'Well, I think we're done here for today, so how would you feel about a little excursion?'

'Sure?' I said, trying to read Sam's smile. 'Sounds great?'

'Then I'll meet you upstairs in 20 minutes. And anyone else who wants to come. Not sure about you, but I think I need a change of clothes first.'

'Same,' said Sam and walked off.

Fifteen minutes later I was standing at the base exit, dressed in what was probably some of the nicest clothes I owned and waited, shifting my weight and checking the time every few seconds. Where were we going? What was he planning? Not long after the other three arrived. Daniel asked me to get into a very nice looking car, which was apparently his, and he took us out of the base and into civilisation. It was getting dark and I couldn't remember the road, but after what didn't feel like a long time he stopped the car and we all got out in front of an apartment building. Following Daniel we entered a flat which, when he turned the lights on, looked more like a tiny museum than someone's living space. Every inch of surface was showcasing a piece of art or historic interest. African masks next to Indian deities, weapons, coins and amphoras, I could have just looked around for hours and still would have found new things to marvel at.

But my attention was immediately commanded by the centerpiece of his living room: a beautiful grand piano from stained and polished wood. I felt myself drawn to it like a magnet, and when Daniel opened the lid and pulled out the stool, he didn't have to ask twice for me to take a seat and gently lay my hands on the keys. For a while I just sat there, letting my hands move over the keys and the wood of the instrument. I had played on many pianos, even Steinways, but this one felt special, like it had a soul. I tested a few keys. Some were ever so slightly out of tune, but overall the sound of the piano was crisp and clear, soft and warm. I shut my eyes and let the music flow.

My fingers found their own way, harmonies escaped from my fingertips and filled the room around me. It enveloped the lights, the furniture and the masks on the walls, it filled the books on the shelves with new emotion and reached out to the hearts of those around me. There was no sound but the piano, and I let the music guide me, swayed with it and let my fingers dance to the beat. I let it fill me to the brim with colours and lights, until it overflowed back into the music and spread out around me like a halo. I hadn't felt like this in such a long time. Finally the torrent of music subsided and with the final chords I opened my eyes. There were tears on Sam's face, Teal'c's expression was strangely distant and Daniel - was impossible to read. I cleared my throat and got up.

'Thank you,' I said quietly, my voice sounding odd in the silence after the music. 'I hope your neighbours don't mind.'

'They really really shouldn't,' Daniel managed after a while.'You said you could play, but that was … wow. I didn't expect that. What was that piece called?'

'Nero, I think. It's normally orchestral, but it works alright just on the piano.'

'It's beautiful,' Sam beamed.

'Yeah, quite nice,' came a voice from the doorway and Colonel O'Neill emerged from the shadows, carrying a stack of pizza boxes. 'At least the bit I caught towards the end. Thought you might want some dinner after all this.'

We helped him unload, Daniel got a few plates from the kitchen and we all sat around his living room, eating and talking.

'How did it go?' I asked Jack, unsure if I wanted to hear the answer. The colonel shook his head, still chewing and pulled a piece of paper from his pocket.

'I'm really sorry Pan,' he began. 'But I'm afraid the general put his foot down.'

I held my breath. Everyone else fell silent.

'And I know you're going to hate this,' he continued. 'But it can't be helped.'

There was a dreadful pause.

'You are now officially employed by the SGC as Daniel's assistant.' I let out a sigh and glared at the colonel. 'So you can't sleep in tomorrow, but you have to get straight to work. Like I said, I'm really sorry.'

'You did this?' Sam asked, grinning from ear to ear.

'Well, no. Pan did. Through her initiative on the box thing,' Jack said. 'I just relayed information to the general and he made the decision. I didn't really do anything. Janet cleared her ages ago, it was just a matter of making sure her head was in the right place.'

I beamed at him and then looked over at Daniel. His smile warmed my heart.

'Good to have you back, Pan,' he said. 'With this trail we're following, there's nobody I'd rather work with.'

I felt myself blush with pride and looked away. He got up and got some beers for the kitchen.

'To Pan,' he said and raised his bottle. The others echoed his toast. I hadn't felt this embarrassed in my entire life.

'To us,' I said, looking from one to the other. 'And to sticking together. Work or no work, you guys are the best company I could have.'

'I guess tonight is for celebrating then,' Jack declared. 'And we can worry about work tomorrow.'

I caught a glance Sam shot towards Jack and smiled to myself. But after all that was their secret to keep.