I hesitated a moment before I made my way across the yard to Jacob. He fiddled with the unraveled him of his jean cut offs. "Jacob,…" I whispered.

"Do you get joy out of my pain?" His words were cold and straightforward.

"No…of course not." I knelt in front of him. My knees wet from the cold damp ground. "Jacob, the truth is I love you both."

He turned to look at me, a little confused.

"I'm in love with you, too."

"You can't have us both." He looked deep into my eyes. "I can't share you with him."

I bit my bottom lip, nodding in agreement. "I know." I stood up and turned away from him. "Jacob, I have tried to live without him. It almost killed me."

I felt his arm upon my shoulder, he turned me around to him. "Bella, I healed you. You were almost perfect again."

"Jacob, I don't know what to do."

"Maybe you should try living without me."

"What?"

He walked past me, facing the make-shift garage. "I can go wolf. Permanently."

I shook my head no. "Permanently. Jake, you can't do that." I pleaded. "How is that going to help me?"

He turned quickly. "That way you'll know which one you really can't live without."

The ride back to Charlie's was quiet. I couldn't breathe, I couldn't think. My mind was cloudy from everything that I had just learned that day. I needed Jacob, that I was sure of. But was it enough? The rabbit came to a stop outside the house. Charlie was probably watching the game, and I was sure that Edward wasn't too far away.

Jacob stared out the window at the street light. I felt my heart being ripped from my chest. I closed my eyes to fight back the tears. I knew that he had made up his mind and there was nothing that I could do about it. Jacob was stubborn and when he set his mind to do something it was exactly what it was going to do.

"Jake, please…" I opened my eyes and turned to him. "Please, don't do this."

"It's the only way, Bella." He didn't make eye contact.

"When?" I asked, already knowing the answer.

"As soon as I get back to La Push."

"Where will you go? When will you come back?"

He glanced in my direction. "North. And I don't know."

"What if I need you? How will I find you?"

He took a deep breath. "Sam can find me."

I reached across the gear shift and took his warm hand into mine, pulling it to my cheek. "I'm afraid."

"Of what?"

"That I'll never see you again."

"That's your call, Bella." He took his hand back. "I have to go. I need to spend time with Billy."

I nodded. "I love you, Jacob."

"I love you too."

I leaned across the seat and kissed him softly on the lips. My heart racing, my lungs losing all the air they had, like a hot air balloon. I pulled back, looked into his eyes once more, then got out of the car. I stood in the street as he drove off. I felt my knees give out and just as the taillights got out of sight, I felt two cold arms wrap around my waist.

"He's gone." I cried. "He's gone."

Edward pressed his lips against my forehead as I turned to him burying my head in his chest. How was I going to live without my sun? How was I suppose to live without Edward? I just wanted someone to run over me with an eighteen wheeler. Crush me flat and that way there would be nothing left to hurt.

Edward waited until I told Charlie goodnight and made my way up stairs to my room. I opened the door and fell to my knees. The thought that I could possibly never see Jacob again was surely going to leave a scar in my heart, but how big would that scar be? Could I heal and move on? I don't know. A this moment everything is a blur, even the image across from me. The man that I went to Italy to save, the man that is a drug to me. Could I quiet him? Stop craving him?