Disclaimer: I own nothing. JKR and Stephenie Meyer own every person, place, or thing. I also don't own the Incredibles.

EPOV

Betrayed! By own mother none-the-less! I look over at Hermione and she is still staring shell-shocked.

"Oh Edward! I am sorry!" mom bellows. "It isn't like you haven't had offers to lose your virginity. Lord knows Tanya wanted a go more than once. You are just too much of a gentleman. That is why everyone thought you were gay, but you aren't."

"Mom… just stop." I love the woman but her trying to fix the problem is just making it worse. Hermione emerged from her shocked phase and is now looking borderline murderous.

"WHO THE HELL IS TANYA?"

"HAHAHAHAHA. Tanya is a vampire that has been trying to get into Edward's pants for years! She practically tries to rape him every time they visit." NOT HELPING EMMETT!

"Hermione, she means nothing to me. She is like family and I do admit she acts a bit amorous; however, I have NEVER wanted her." I say to her calmly while trying not to seem like I'm not fraught with peril.

Hermione grabs me by my shirt and pulls me down to her eye level. "Mine" she says.

"Yes, yes yours. Only yours." I tell her as I hug her. Thankfully she calms down.

"Right, so Hermione, congrats at being married!" Cedric comes up to hug her. I don't know what made me do it… I wasn't thinking rationally. Before he can reach her I pull her behind me and crouch down to attack. It was over as quickly as it started.

"Woah, man." Cedric said calmly. "I wasn't going to hurt her."

"I know." I bring Hermione out from behind me so that Cedric can have access to her. "I don't know why that happened. It was like I didn't even think about it."

"I am feeling possessive like that too. Do you think it is the bond?" Hermione asked in a worried tone.

"Most vampires are possessive of their mates once they are newly mated. It is probably intensified from your bond. It should calm down after a few weeks. Cedric, try to hug Hermione now that Edward is thinking rationally."

Cedric steps closer and gives Hermione a hug. I feel the urge to rush and get her but it is controllable. It seems like I just need to be ready for it to happen.

"Preparation is key it seems." Carlisle says.

This whole thing is so messed up. Don't get me wrong. I like Hermione but she did have a point. We don't know each other and for us to feel so possessive is rather uncomfortable. I can feel her unease with the new possessiveness as well. That kiss though…. That kiss was wonderful. I had never felt so complete.

HGOV

It has been a long day. Quite honestly I want to curl up in bed and not talk to anyone for a week or so. I can no longer do that due to my "attachment."

"Edward, do you want to go see your new living quarters?" I ask him. I hope he realizes my need to get away for a bit.

"Won't you both be staying here?" Esme asks. I feel bad about taking her son away.

"We are going to stay in my living quarters because I don't want to have to give up my library."

"Oh gosh! You and Edward are perfect together. All he does is read, listen to music, and play piano. BORING!" Emmett says. I happen to think that sounds quite pleasurable. Maybe there is more to him than I thought. I look over at him and give him a reassuring smile.

"I happen to think all of the above are sexy." I tell them all.

"No kidding. She was such a no-it-all in school. Call on my professor… me.. me… meeee…." Cedric's impression needs work but it did cause laugher throughout the family. Ron's is much better. I cast a wandless hair loss charm on him. That will teach him to make fun of me.

The laughter stops as everyone stairs at him in surprise. Note to self: never cast that charm on Edward. Cedric looks like a bowling pin.

"Why is everyone looking at me like that?" Cedric asks causing everyone to burst out in laughter. He runs to the mirror.

"HERMIONE! GIVE ME MY HAIR BACK!" if he had eyebrows they would be raised to his hairline, well if he had one.

"Umm… .I think… no."

"Is it gone…. Uh, everywhere?" Edward asks Cedric. Cedric looked like he lost even more color and pulled his pants outward from his stomach to take a glimpse of his… nether area.

"Yup." He gulps out.

Edward looks to me and says "remind me never to piss you off." Good, he is learning. I take his hand and leave out the portrait to head to our room. We get in front of the portrait of two twin girls and say "Ferrets suck" so that it swings wide open to allow us entry. Edward gives me a look and I make a mental note to tell him later.

I suddenly get nervous walking into the common room because I realize this is the first time that Edward and I are alone together since we found out about the bond.

"So in here is the common room" I say and walk past it to the door to the right. "Right through here is the library." We walk in and I hear him gasp. He begins checking out each book within his eye-level and I can tell that he is anxious to get to reading. I usher him back out before he gets too engrossed to finish the tour. He follows me into the bedroom and I hear him gulp. One bed. "Umm… I will enlarge the bed later tonight. It looks like the house elves already unpacked all of your stuff. The bathroom is through that door connected to the bedroom." I tell him.

"Thank you" he retorts quietly. There is a long awkward silence before I start gathering my night things.

"I am going to take a shower. Feel free to get used to the place." I turn around into the bathroom before he can say anything. Alone at last.

EPOV

I watched her walk away into the bathroom. I gather things for my shower once she is done. I can tell this is going to be awkward living with a virtual stranger that has magical ties to you. The whole living area is really beautiful with red and gold overtones. The library is what really interested me because it was filled both magical and mundane texts. It had virtually everything I can imagine and everything I could never think of. I start to head there in order to giver Hermione some privacy. She really is beautiful and that kiss was amazing. I just have to find a way to get her to be more comfortable around me. I can already feel the pull of the bond wanting me to be near her even though it had only been twenty minutes. I sit down with a text and start to read on a big comfy recliner in the front of the library.

Hermione has been gone for about 45 minutes now and the bond is becoming almost unbearable. I get up and leave the library to pace outside the bathroom door. Surely she feels the pull.

"Umm… Hermione? Are you okay?" She emerges from the bathroom wearing pajamas and a fluffy robe. She waves her wand over her wet hair and it instantly dries. I grab her in a hug and hold her there until the bond settles.

"I am sorry it took me so long. I just needed a few moments to think. I didn't realize the pull had gotten so bad."

I just continue to hold her. After about 20 minutes I feel okay enough to let her go.

"I am going to shower now." I tell her. I go to the shower and make sure I am extra quick so that I can get back to her. Once I am dressed I walk out to see her lying on the newly enlarged bed. She gives me a hesitant smile.

"Why did you bother to enlarge the bed? We don't have to sleep…" I ask her.

"I actually do require sleep. Without sleeping it makes my magic act up and my core deplete. I have a potion that will allow you to sleep too. We require a certain amount of physical contact so it would be best if we got that during the night. I would rather do that in private." She tells me.

"I can sleep?" I haven't had a dream in over 100 years. I have longed for sleep for some time. It was one of the things I missed the most about being a human. I couldn't control myself because I was so alight with glee. I jump on her and give her a huge hug. Thankfully she giggles and appears happy.

"I enlarged the bed so we WOULDN'T be on top of each other you goof." I can't help but smile back at her as I roll to my side of the bed.

"Do you want to get to know each other a little before we go to sleep? I hesitantly ask. I am hoping it will soothe away any awkwardness.

"Sure, why don't you tell me a little about yourself? All I know is that you are a horny virgin who likes to read." She giggles but I scoff at her statement. I have always hated that question because I didn't know what to say. I must admit that it is most appropriate in this case though.

"I was born in 1901. My full name is Edward Anthony Masen Cullen. I was an only child and my parents tended to spoil me. I don't remember too much about them. I can tell you that my mother was absolutely beautiful. She was the one who taught me to play the piano. My father was a lawyer but he loved us dearly. He wanted to me follow in his footsteps; however, I was eager to get involved with the war. I wanted to be a soldier. Growing up we had a cat and I remember that it hated me because I liked to pull its tail. I was dying in the hospital of Spanish Influenza. The flu had already taken my father and my mother wasn't going to last much longer. She asked Carlisle to save me. It was like she knew he wasn't human. At first I was bitter about this life. A few years after he created me I decided to go off on my own. I resented him for curbing my appetite. I could read the mind of my victims so I only hunted down criminals. I lasted about two years before I returned, shamed faced, to Carlisle. He had created Esme and they both accepted me back like it was nothing. I vowed never to harm another human again and so far I have kept that promise. I can understand if you are disgusted with me. I just… I needed you to know." I couldn't bring myself to look at her. I knew there would be disgust in her eyes. I wanted to flee but the bond held me in place.

"Edward" she whispers and I look at her. She doesn't look disgusted but sad. "I have killed too. It doesn't make you a bad person. I am not saying I approve of your vigilante time but I understand it. I did the same thing"

"You aren't disgusted?" I ask. I want her to be honest.

"If I were then I would have to be disgusted with myself; which I am not. You probably saved more lives than you took." I let out a breath I didn't realize I took. I didn't mean for things to get that heavy but I needed to let her know.

"Tell me about yourself." I tell her.

"Well, I am also an only child. My parents were dentists. During the war I made them forget me with a spell. It was the only thing I could think to do to keep them safe. They moved to Australia and were safe from the backlash of the death eaters. The spell I did was irreversible so they will never even know they have a daughter. I have a cat named Crookshanks who is half kneazel. He is super smart and is super cute although he is not the nicest to people. My best friends Harry and Ron were my first friends ever. Growing up I was picked on for caring more about books than superficial things. I am thinking about becoming a healer after I finish this year up at the library for Dumbledore in order to honor my parents." I squeeze her hand in support. She looks like she would be crying if she could.

"Tell me about a happy memory." I ask her. She smiles and tells me about the time her parents took her to the beach for the first time.

"I was four and my parents took me to the beach for the first time. I was terrified of getting stung by a jellyfish but I was determined to go into the ocean. I made my dad go in with me but I thought I felt something go past my foot and I got scared. I started pulling on his shorts in order to get away with whatever was circling my feet. I ended up pulling down his swim trunks to his ankles." She started to giggle and the atmosphere felt much lighter.

"One thing about living for such a long time is doing embarrassing things that at the time you thought was normal. Take the seventies for example. Emmett would go to discos and make his hair into an afro. At the time it was stylish but looking back at the photos we want to die of mortification. Even I must admit to wearing tight flared-leg pants and platform shoes." Hermione was in hysterics. It felt great that I could make her laugh like that. We continue on for about an hour just talking and laughing.

"Are you ready to sleep for the first time in over a century?" She asks as she pulls out a potion. I nod eagerly and throw the potion back. It taste rancid and I ask her if she can do a breath freshening spell for me. She did and we both laid down. I immediately began to feel the effects of the potion. I grabbed her hand and sent her a small smile and drifted off.

I immediately know I am in a false reality because I am looking on at my family who are dressed like the Incredibles. I feel my body and I am in the same tight onesie. What the hell?

"C'mon Edward we have to stop the evil bad guy from taking over the world!" Alice stated jumping into action along with Esme. They could stretch their bodies to incredible lengths. Jasper started running after them in supersonic speed and Carlisle would flash over to them. Emmett had super strength and was using it to fight a bad guy with weird hair. I am trying to find my superpower so that I can help my family. I feel a pulse coming from my body and the next thing I know… I am a turtle. A FUCKING TURTLE! That is my super power?! I see a truck coming in my direction and I move as fast as I can to get out of the way. As soon as it is about to make contact I jump awake. Of course my first dream in a century is a fucking nightmare.

I immediately notice that I had somehow grabbed onto Hermione in the middle of the night. That in itself I could get over if it were for the huge bout of morning wood I was sporting that was rubbing right against her ass. I forgot about this happening after sleep. Hermione's breathing changed showing me that she was awake.

"Err Edward? Please tell me you had somehow acquired a wand during the night and that is what is poking into me?" She asks.

"Umm.. No." I jump away from her and out of the bed. "I am so sorry!" Getting out of the bed was the wrong thing to do because it caused her to turn and face me, well not me, but "Little Edward."

"Oh" was all she said. She never took her gaze away from it. I run to the bathroom and make myself calm down. I finally get out of the bathroom to greet an already dressed Hermione.

"You should get dressed so we can go to the Great Hall for Breakfast. I am suddenly craving sausage." She states. Wait… Vampires don't eat food… she giggles. Oh… I look down at "Little Edward" who was starting to make another appearance.

Fuck My Life.