Max held up the small black dress in the mirror, her lips scrunched to the side in uncertainty.
Well...it's not exactly funeral garb, but it's the only dress I own.
She huffed in surrender before finally putting it on. Throughout the morning she had heard a muffled commotion, knowing many of her classmates were getting ready for Rachel's service. She still hadn't actually seen most of them, just passing Stella when she took her shower earlier. Max wanted so badly to strike up conversation, but the girl was clearly in a somber mood. In fact, it was as if a black tarp had been draped over the building. People were bustling about getting ready, but it all felt tinny and soaked in a robotic sadness. She looked through the window, passed the invisible tarp, and smiled at the sunshine.
At least the weather is nice. You deserve that much, Rachel.
She slowly wandered to her desk and eyed her journal. It sat open, new words carved into the pages with some small doodles here and there. She nodded to herself, content to slip back into the habit.
Who would have thought this journal would save my life?
From her bed, her phone chirped its alert. She moved quickly, anxious to see the text.
Chloe: almost there, you about ready?
Max typed back, feeling a knot grow in her stomach. She was immensely worried about Chloe and her impending reactions to everything. Chloe was right, of course, when she said today would be the end of that sad story and the beginning of a new one. But that didn't mean it would go without a fight. She knew that Chloe would be in a lot of pain. And her pain was now Max's pain. She would certainly cry, and Chloe would too, and that just made it worse for both of them.
Crying is kind of like yawning...or throwing up. It's contagious.
Max: Yeah. I'll head out now.
Max: Hey. I love you.
She collected her things and left her room. The hall was now deadly silent. She guessed most people were already on their way or making last second preparations. The service was to be held at the only funeral parlor in town. The owners were initially stressed at the expected number of attendees, but figured out how to squeeze everyone in without completely obliterating the fire code. Max couldn't help but smile to herself.
You're like a rockstar, Rachel.
Her phone beeped again as she walked into the sun.
Chloe: love you too
Chloe: a disgusting amount tbh
Max snickered at the text, shaking her head. She walked along the path that crossed through the lawn, slowly taking in her surroundings. It was dark when she had gotten home the night before, but now in the daylight, she scanned every detail. She looked at the window that was no longer broken.
Did Alyssa get hit with the football? Or did the whole Nathan thing shift everything around? What did and didn't happen?
She thought of it as a slide puzzle, the different pieces shifting around into chaotic new positions. Then she saw a white splotch of paint on the nearby tree, where the Rachel Amber graffiti used to be.
I guess painting the tree is one way to get rid of it. Thanks, Samuel.
She suddenly felt a chill dance down her spine. For whatever reason, she slowly turned, her eyes traveling up the length of The Tobanga. It sat perched on the hill, overseeing everything in the courtyard. The wild, carved eyes seemed to be staring at her. But there was something off about the angle, like they were slightly pointed downward. Like they were focusing on her hand. Her hand abruptly flickered, a small tingle whipping out from the second knuckle in each of her fingers. With time sliding between her fingers, she lowered her hand, the spark of rewind diminishing. Her reaction was instinctual, and something about that made her worry.
Chill, Max. The Tobanga is not staring at you. It's a fucking totem pole. No more powers.
The uneasy feeling budding in her throat, she tore her gaze away and swiftly walked to the parking lot. Upon seeing Chloe's truck, The Tobanga anxiety dissolved immediately before being usurped by a stronger, Rachel anxiety. She hurried to the truck, smiling to herself when she noticed how well Chloe had parked.
Aw, she really is growing up.
"Hey Chlo," Max said as she entered the truck. The punk, who looked sufficiently less punk at that moment, stared back with a warm but tight smile. She was wearing a dress coat over a black tank top with black dress pants. She still had her boots, though, and that made Max smile for a moment. She wore a barrette in her bright blue hair, a futile attempt at conducting some sort of organization.
"Hey you," she whispered. Her eyes were already red and puffy. Max felt the knot in her stomach draw tighter. She leaned over to give her a kiss.
"How you doing?" She thought it was a stupid question, but one that needed to be asked. Chloe shrugged indifferently.
"Okay, I guess. My battle wound aches a little." Her voice came in like waves, receding into choked silence after every word, as if any syllable might make her crack. Max held her hand, pulling it to her lips.
"We can do this. I'm with you." She let her lips linger on the girl's hand.
"We can do this," Chloe repeated several times, clearly trying to convince herself. Some tears had made their escape and were crawling down her cheeks. Frustratedly, she wiped at her tears, then gave a small smile. "Your dress is cute, babe." Max blushed, somewhat ashamed of the circumstances.
"Thanks. You look nice too, Chlo." She ran her thumb over the back of Chloe's hand, staring intently at the girl. The punk frowned before leaking out a small chuckle.
"Nah, this shit is hella lame. You've seen Rachel's clothes, Max. She would want this place to look like a fucking Nirvana show." She rubbed away a few more tears before grabbing a small pile of CDs from the console. She shuffled through them, Max's fingers dangling on one of her hands, before deciding on one and putting it in the player. She turned to face Max, a small smile on her face. "I just came up with an awesome idea..."
"Really?" Max asked, smiling at the intensity in Chloe's eyes. "What is it!?" The punk pointed to the stereo as the guitar for Smells Like Teen Spirit kicked in.
"Ugh...nevermind..." She sighed dramatically before cracking a wide grin.
"Did you just...make a Nirvana pun?" Max shook her head in disgust, secretly beaming inside.
That's it, Chloe. I need you to smile. We can get through this.
"Nirvana pun? That would be crazy. They'd probably prescribe me some lithium..." Her smile grew with every word.
"Chloe, you are such a dork." Max decided to go along with the fake annoyance thing, all the while clutching her girlfriend's hand for dear life.
"All apologies, Max." Her eyes grew wide in feigned shock. "Sorry!" She threw her hands up in defense. "My apologies, I meant." The two girls chuckled to themselves as they pulled out of the parking lot. "I'll stop, I'll stop." She teased, flitting her fingers through the girl's hair with one hand while the other stayed on the wheel. Max huffed playfully. Chloe's hand drifted from the brunette's cheek back down to the seat, tangling itself with Max's again.
They drove for a while without speaking, letting Cobain's tattered voice fill the cab of the truck. Their fingers moved against each other, relishing the sensation of each others' skin. At a red light, Chloe leaned over to Max and gave her thoughtful, long kiss. Long enough, in fact, that the light had turned green and the person behind them began beeping. Instead of accelerating, Chloe quickly leaned through the driver's side window and shouted to the person behind them.
"Sorry, man! I got distracted because there is romance IN BLOOM!" She pulled herself back through the window as the driver beeped at them again, cackling to herself as she hit the gas.
"You are a damn trainwreck, girl," Max laughed. Chloe glanced at her, a sly smile on her face.
"You fucking love it."
The parking lot was full, with some cars taking residence in the adjacent building's parking space. They had been parked for several minutes but Chloe's hands remained on tightly on the wheel, her knuckles sparking with white. It was a necessary quiet, Max felt, and she let it remain as she had one hand rubbing along the punk's leg. Finally Chloe sighed long and slow.
"Guess it's time to get in there," she said, her voice weak. Max nodded. It killed her to remove her touch from Chloe as they got out of the truck, immediately suctioning back up to her and snaking their fingers together. Chloe gave her a single tight squeeze and a weak smile. She was swinging like a pendulum between silliness and horrible sadness. Max thought it was probably a coping mechanism fighting like hell to try and protect the blue haired girl.
Deep in Max's head, she was actually sort of worried she would feel jealous today. It was a complete separation of consciousness. Her logical mind was sad about Rachel and everything that had happened, but she worried that her heart would pump in little embers of illogical greed, making her angry when she saw how upset Chloe was about Rachel. Luckily, this feeling never manifested. More than anything, she felt the need to be there for her love and to comfort her. She sighed inside.
At least I know I'm not a completely shitty person.
A small flicker of the "Other Max" spread through her mind, just a small, cocky smile as if suggesting 'you sure about that?'
No. None of that right now.
Inside, they immediately found Joyce sitting with David and hurried to them. Joyce moved her pocketbook that was sitting on the chair next to her, a sign that she was saving the seat and the one next to it for the couple. She was clearly in a somber state, but a small smile grew on her face as she saw the two holding hands. David noticed too, his eyes settling on them before looking forward again.
Well that wasn't much to go on. What're you thinking, David?
"It's going to start soon, I think," Joyce said as they took their seats. Max glanced around the room and found her classmates, happy to see them alive and well. Dana was sitting with Trevor on one side and Juliet on the other.
Oh, I'm so glad they're together in this timeline too.
She spotted others as well. Alyssa, Stella, Brooke, Kate and Warren all sat together. Justin sat next to Trevor, his eyes red enough for Max to see across the room. She assumed he was either high or crying. Or a mixture of both. She thought of Chloe's Nirvana comment. Rachel would probably appreciate getting baked before her service.
She found Victoria, Taylor and Courtney in their own section of the room. Feeling slightly petty, she wondered how hard it would be to become Victoria's friend in this timeline. Or if she even wanted that.
She can be...a huge bitch. But deep down she's a good person. I mean, really deep down, but still...
Her eyes wandered from Victoria to Kate and back again. Kate was clutching tissues between her interlocked hands, evidently praying for Rachel.
God, this is so fucked up. Kate is watching what she knows could have happened to her. And Victoria has no idea she ended up just like Rachel. But now they're both safe and that's what's important.
"Damn, this is a hell of a turnout." Chloe whispered in her ear. She had a small smile on her face.
"Rachel meant a lot to people," Max said. The punk's smile grew bigger.
"She'd totally love this, she was such a slut for attention." She emphasized 'slut' in a silly way. Max wanted to dig in her claws and hold on to this happier Chloe for as long as she could.
"Oh, like you wouldn't love it too," she snaked their arms together. Chloe tapped her chin in thought.
"Pfft, dude, I'd probably have like ten people at my funeral." Her tone remained upbeat despite the subject matter. Max tried to hide her frown.
Let's never find out.
"Let's never find out," Max voiced her thoughts. Chloe snickered before growing contemplative.
"Do you think, like...Rachel can see this? Like she's out there? It's not like I'm a spiritual person but...it's also not like I believed in time travel before this week." She furrowed her brow in thought. Max glanced at Joyce, nervous their conversation was too loud, but she was busy speaking to David. Max thought for just a second.
"Absolutely," she said. She envisioned the doe at the junkyard and in her storm premonition. It was even there in her nightmare, guiding her to Chloe. "I don't know what I really believe anymore, Chloe, but I know Rachel helped us. She was there looking out for both of us." She smiled at that thought and Chloe returned the favor.
"I know," she said quietly. She blew air through her mouth, mimicking the neigh of a horse. Max saw in an instant how her eyes glassed over with tears. She strengthened her grip on her hand. "I miss her so much, Max. She didn't deserve this." Her voice shattered halfway through the sentence and a loud sob escaped. It drew some nearby attention, but most people were lost in their own sad thoughts.
"Oh, hon," Joyce turned to Chloe, wrapping an arm around her. The punk was shrinking into herself, her hand a vice on Max's, turning both of their knuckles white. Chloe's free hand shaded her eyes from the others, a gesture of personal comfort since it was clear to everyone she was shaking with tears.
"Chloe?" A soft voice came from the aisle beside Max. The two of them turned their head in unison to see a woman and a man. Max knew immediately that it must be Rachel's parents, their features clearly evident on the pictures of her she had seen. Chloe shot up, rubbing her eyes.
"Mr. and Mrs. Amber, hi," she said, awkwardly climbing over the brunette so she could hug the woman. "How are you guys holding up?" She sniffled after every second word.
"It's a process..." The man said, nodding his head sullenly. The woman clutched his arm, as if she was putting all her weight on him.
"How...no, how are you, Chloe?" Mrs. Amber asked. "We heard what happened...are you okay?" She looked so genuinely concerned.
"Oh, this old thing?" Chloe tried to joke as she lifted her jacket, exposing the bandage. "It's okay. I'm okay." The words came out like cinder blocks.
"We're so glad you're okay. I'm sorry we didn't visit you in the hospital, we were going to but...everything kind of spiraled out of control." That was Mr. Amber. He stood tall, dressed neatly in black. He was balding but Max thought it suited him nicely. He wore glasses and was slightly pudgy, but Rachel most definitely had his eyes. Mrs. Amber was very beautiful in a 'lawyer-y' kind of way. She too, wore glasses, but they were thick rimmed and very in style. She had a streak of gray through her dark brown hair, the sort of thing Max had always been silently jealous of.
"It's totally fine, Mr. Amber." Chloe glanced around as if she could find the words she wanted right there in the room with her. "I'm so sorry about Rachel. I'm just...so sorry..." She bowed her head, continuing to cry silently.
"Chloe, if it wasn't for you...we wouldn't have found her. You never gave up on her and she would be so proud of you for that. In the end, even though it took an ugly price, you got justice for her." Mrs. Amber was hugging Chloe closely. "I'm just sorry you had to be hurt in the process..." She sighed quietly as she wiped her eyes. "We will live on and honor her memory." Mr. Amber just nodded again.
Max was content to watch the three interact and catch up. It was something she felt Chloe needed. But the punk surprised her but grabbing her hand and issuing a slight tug, the cue for her to stand up.
"Mr. and Mrs. Amber, this is Max Caulfield." Despite the constant tears, she grinned brightly. The two looked her over then at each other before smiling.
"So you're the Max Caulfield, huh?" Mrs. Amber said. "Chloe has told us so much about you." Max blushed deeply as Mr. Amber shook her hand.
They know about...me?
"She was there when Nathan..." Chloe wobbled her head left and right, insinuating a 'you know...' Mrs. Amber's eyes expression darkened at the name.
"That's going to be a long, long battle..." Mr. Amber sighed. "But we won't give up. We'll fight the Prescotts and Mark Jefferson until they're behind bars for good. Until justice is served." He tilted his head to the right, working out some of the stress. "Well, Chloe, we should probably go talk to some other people." He lifted his glasses and dabbed at his right eye with his sleeve. He turned to Max. "It was a pleasure meeting you, Max. We'd love to chat sometime."
"Of course, Mr. Amber. I'm so sorry about Rachel," she repeated the lines she was sure they'd heard hundreds of times in the past few days. Mrs. Amber gave Chloe a big hug and even gave Max one too before quickly checking in with Joyce and David.
"They seem to be handling things pretty well," Max concluded as they sat back down.
"Yeah, they've always been really...not spiritual, but super zen about stuff. I know they're probably dying inside, but it's definitely in character for them to be reserved and almost peaceful about it." Chloe reclined a bit, rubbing her temples as she spoke. "The last time I talked to them, I screamed that they didn't give a shit about Rachel..."
"Ouch." Max winced.
"You know how I am...just super emotional, flying off the handle about anything and everything. God, I was such an asshole..." Her lip quivered again, a sign of new tears to come. Max nestled into her side.
"You're a pissed off teenager, Chloe. It happens." She squeezed her arm lightly.
"Not anymore. I mean, attitude is kind of my thing, but I'm going to try and not be...like that." She looked to Max and shrugged, as if she wasn't really sure what 'that' meant. "The Ambers are great people. I shouldn't have acted that way. It's cool that they're doing this whole Pharaoh thing," Chloe said, gesturing to a reinforced box by the casket.
Joyce had told the two of them that the Ambers were going to have a box that friends and family could put possessions in and between the service and the burial, they would put it in the casket with Rachel. It definitely lined up with Chloe's 'not spiritual but zen' line. Max thought it was a beautiful gesture, that they must know how much she meant to so many people and how they'd love to give a part of themselves to Rachel forever. She wished she had something of her own to add to the box, but anything that felt appropriate – mostly photographs – no longer existed in this timeline. She knew Chloe had something, but the girl didn't say what, and she hadn't asked.
Eventually, a balding, older man with glasses came out to begin a speech. Max thought the beginning felt so rehearsed and copy + paste, but somehow it still felt beautiful and unique. Chloe, along with most of the room, began to cry. The punk tightened her grip on Max's hand, but this time it wasn't as painful. It was one violent sob from Chloe in particular that finally lanced Max's head, and she too began to cry.
The service continued on with the man speaking more personally about Rachel, listing her academic achievements – a moment that made Max finally aware that the school staff was also in attendance and mourning – and her extra curricular activities. He mostly glanced over the negatives, only saying that the circumstances of her death were especially tragic and unjust. It was probably good to focus more on the positives than the horrible cause, but Max could only think of the "prestigious" Prescotts and the psychopath that was Mark Jefferson. They stood in the corners of her mind; tall, ghoulish shadows with wicked smiles. She mentally flipped through everything: Nathan in the bathroom, Nathan and Warren, Jefferson and Kate, The Dark Room, the binders, Rachel's body in the junkyard, the needle in Max's neck, the bullet in Chloe's head, Victoria on the Dark Room floor, the endless clicking of Jefferson's camera as he violated her with the art form she loved so much.
She began to feel dizzy remembering everything that never technically happened.
Rachel Amber 4 Ever
…
Rachel IS here
…
She was suddenly drowning in her thoughts, the noise of the preacher far away and indiscernible. Her vision, already cloudy from her tears, became fragmented and tunneled. It was a new, powerful kind of anxiety she had never felt before. The lasting trauma of everything she had gone through. The image of the tornado slid across her mind, the whisper of its winds stinging like the needle she once felt. Suddenly, and oh so briefly, an image of a doe glanced through her head. Just a quick frame of the doe she had seen before. And just as quickly as it came, the anxiety was gone.
She began to focus again, her sight and hearing accelerating back to their usual levels of usefulness. She wiped at her eyes and sniffled. Then sniffled again. And again. She then felt something hit her hand, something wet but warm. Assuming the panic attack had made her cry harder, she moved to wipe her hand with the tissue she was holding. But the 'tear' that fell left a crimson stain.
What the fuck? No...
Slowly, she reached below her nose and touch her lips, feeling a thick liquid pooling in their crook. Pulling her hand away, she saw her fingertips covered in blood. She let out a feint squeak before cramming the tissues under her nose.
Why is my nose bleeding? I didn't fucking DO anything!
She was glad, in a morbid way, that so many people were holding tissues to their face at that exact moment. Finally, she realized Chloe was staring at her, a look of horror on her face.
"Are you okay?" She whispered. Max only nodded, prompting an unbelieving look from the punk.
"Tell you after," Max whispered back. In response, Chloe grabbed her hand and squeezed.
The man had finally wound down his speech and offered that anyone wanting to have a moment with the casket or put something in the box would now be able to. A line began to form, filling with people Max recognized and strangers alike. She and Chloe stood up and shuffled out into the line, followed by Joyce and David.
Max let out a long, cool sigh as she stood in front of Rachel's casket. She shifted nervously, glancing at Chloe who only nodded. She took a deep breath, then began an internal monologue.
Hi, Rachel...
I know we never met but...I feel so close to you. I feel like we've been through so much together. I wanted to thank you so much for being there for Chloe when I wasn't. I could never explain enough how much that means to me. I know you were there, that you helped us all through the week that never happened. I don't know if I believe in angels or...heaven...or whatever, but I know you were there.
Max allowed herself a big smile and loosened her posture, becoming more casual.
Do you like deer? I really do too. I have a ton of clothing with doe on them. I just think they're really graceful and cute, you know? Chloe probably thinks those clothes are nerdy or whatever, but I think you'd appreciate them. And I love your style, too! I don't know if you saw but I actually wore some of your stuff. I didn't look half as beautiful as you, but...that's okay.
Max was silently crying as she continued.
I'm just...so fucking sorry I couldn't save you. I had the power to rewind time and I couldn't even use it right! Maybe now, wherever you are, you have a better understanding about this stuff...but I'm still so damn clueless.
She looked to the line behind her, somewhat nervous she was taking too long, but received no sign that this was the case. She briefly eyed Chloe, the girl looking off into the room. She turned back to the casket.
I'm going to take care of her, Rachel. I won't let anything bad happen to her. I don't want to use my powers again but...if I have to, for her...I will. Chloe said that you would have loved me. I really hope that's true...I wish I could have found out. I'm sorry again that I couldn't help but...thank you for helping me. Even just now with that anxiety attack, I think you calmed me down. I truly believe that. Okay, okay, Chloe is looking a little antsy, I'll let her talk to you. Thanks again for everything, Rachel. Rest easy.
Chloe stepped up to the casket, the closeness breaking her heart all over again. She felt her knees get weak, the weight of reality crushing down on her. She huffed in exasperation.
Rachel. Hey.
So, this is pretty fucked up, huh? What the hell happened to everything? Fucking Prescotts and Jefferson and...ugh. FUCK. I'm just so fucking angry about all of it! I'm trying to be cool, but it's so hard. You know how I get. I blame everyone. I'm even mad at you a little. Which is fucked. And yeah, yeah, I'm sorry but you already know that. You know me so well. I just wish you had told me what was going on...I mean, I know that's fucking hindsight and everything. I know I would have overreacted and been a massive bitch. So I guess in a way I don't blame you, but that just makes me feel worse...like it's my fault.
Life is so fucking...goddamn insane. Who could have seen this all happen? I know you're probably waving your hand around like a snarky asshole and saying "I did!" You smartass.
Chloe shook her head sadly.
We were going to escape Arcadia Bay. Take over the world, make it our bitch...you know. But now we can't. Because you got stupid. I'm sorry I'm bitter, but this could have been so different. You kept so many secrets from me...Everyone here has their own vibrant, fairy-tale stories about you, but I was you fucking best friend! And now I'm standing here not sure if I ever even knew you...
"Fuck!" Chloe blurted out, creating a brief hush in the room. She clutched her stomach and sobbed.
I didn't mean that, I'm sorry. Sorry. It's just...I loved you. I crushed on you hard. You had to have known. Couldn't you have at least told me about Frank? I know that I would have freaked but didn't I fucking deserve that at the very fucking least!? Dammit, Rachel, you should have given me SOMETHING!
She chaotically ran her hands through her hair, flicking her barrette onto the floor. She pressed her palm into her head hard.
Rach, I just lived an entire fucking week that only one other person remembers! I fucking DIED. SEVERAL TIMES. I'm trying so fucking hard to be cool, to be strong, but I just watched a fucking cosmic tornado gunning down the Bay and it was fucking SCREAMING "Chloe Price must die!" How am I supposed to feel?! I worry that at any second a goddamned satellite is going to fall out of the sky and crush me. I can't tell her this. She's already going through so much. I just...
Between her sobbing, Max nestled up behind her, linking their arms together. She rested her head on the punk's shoulder.
"It's okay, Chlo..."
Chloe looked at the small brunette and smiled, nuzzling her. She turned back to Rachel.
Sorry, Rachel. I wanted this to be so much more...peaceful. But I got up here and my mind just started going fucking crazy. I know Max talked to you before me...what do you think? Amazing right? Jesus, I wish you could have finally met her. I know I used to annoy you with how much I talked about her. But she's back and we're...together. I love her so, so much. It's crazy. She helped me find you.
Max gave Chloe a gentle squeeze before moving to the side, giving her and Rachel more room. The punk grinned.
I can just picture you right now, you know? Listening to me freak with an understanding smile on your face, just staring...I know what you're thinking. No, I'm not going to fuck things up with Max. Promise. Also, I now have a wicked battle scar from a bullet. Hella hardcore, right?
She tilted her head back and closed her eyes, wanting nothing more in that moment than a cigarette.
Shit, shit. I should probably move along so the rest of your posse can chat with ya. I'll come visit you in the graveyard sometime, we'll talk...I won't be such a dick. That's another Price Promise...T-M. Oh shit, I brought you something...it's totally like your parents to do this crazy Egyptian shit.
Chloe moved toward the box, placing a small item into it. She briefly looked at the rest of its contents before moving back to the casket, slightly embarrassed at her nosiness.
I think you'll like it. We'll talk again soon, okay? Thanks for...thanks for letting me get my rage on. Like always.
She placed a hand on the casket, letting it linger for only a moment.
Love you.
A/N: Believe it or not, this chapter was actually supposed to be longer, but I cut it in half.
Surprise look into Chloe's head! Eventually I think I'd like to write some full chapters from her perspective, but I think they'd be more like side stories or extra little fun things.
P.S. The Tobanga is really spooky!