Disclaimer: I own nothing. Stephenie Meyer and JKR owns every person, place, and thing.

HPOV

Edward and I get to our room and I snog him senseless. He still keeps his hands appropriately at my side and it is slightly frustrating. I break the snog session because I am still slightly tired from last night's ordeal so I decide to take a shower and go to bed.

"I am going to take a shower. I am still slightly tired from last night." I notice as I say that he has a guilty look on his face.

"I am fine." I reassure him and softly peck his lips. I go around the room to gather the supplies for my shower. I don't take my time because I really am exhausted. I stay under the spray for around two minutes and set to work on getting clean. I start to feel a pull on the bond and it begins to worry me. Is Edward all right?

"Hermione? Hermione, I need you to come out now." Edward sounds frantic so I shut the water off and run out it just my towel. He grabs me and holds me tightly to him.

"The bond got unbearable. I needed you." He offers as an explanation.

I was only gone for five to ten minutes at most so this news is distressing. Is there something wrong with the bond? I reach out of Edward's grasp to reach my wand. Edward whines but lets me go. I quickly make my way back to his pacing form. My hair is still damp and my clothes are sticking to me because I didn't dry off well enough. Edward picks me up and sits with me in a comfy recliner. I straddle his waist and lay my head in the crook of his neck. He slowly starts rocking back and forth and I can practically feel our bond hum.

"Mine. Mine. Mine." Edward repeatedly trills while rubbing his lips against my neck. He is driving my hormones wild and it takes all I have to refrain from claiming him.

"Edward, are you okay?"

"Today was really stressful. I thought for sure you didn't care last night and then seeing what I did to you today… It was just stressful. I know it is the pull of the bond but it is so hard not to mark you as my mate right now. I never want us separated."

It is hard for me to refrain from telling him to do it but I know we are not ready yet.

"I know it is was stressful but marking me won't stop your insecurities. We will be able to work it out with time. For now let's just continue to get to know each other now." I state as I softly kiss his lips.

He pulls away and gives me a smirk. "That sounds like a wonderful idea."

He continue to rock us back and forth until I eventually drift off. This is utter bliss I think as I drift off.

Little did I know that all the relaxation and bliss would come to a screeching halt the very next day.

EmPOV

HAHAHAHAHA. Hermione sent that girl off crying with just a hiss! Hmm… she has the making to become my favorite sister if she keep up these hilarious antics. First she makes Edward act goofy, then she made Cedric bald, and now this!

"Well, that was interesting" Harry said.

"So, Harry and Ron, what can you tell us about my new daughter in law?" Esme asks.

"Oh we have a bunch of Hermione stories! Before she met us she used to be a real stickler for the rules. She eventually broke out of it when she realized no one wanted to be friends with a swotty know-it-all."

"Ron, she is still a swotty know-it-all. You were a prat to her in the beginning. You became friends with her after she shrunk Malfoy's bits in the middle of first year."

"YOU MEAN TO TELL ME SHE CAN DO THAT?" It should be criminal! I can appreciate a good prank, but that was a man's bits!

"It only lasted a day but Hermione was down-right scary! There was no way I was going to remain on her bad side after that. I went straight up to her and asked her for forgiveness for being a prat." Ron stated.

"The three of us have been inseparable ever since." Harry added.

I still couldn't believe she can shrink bits! I have to find some way to defend myself against her.

"She also punched Malfoy in the face in third year! It was that sight that allowed me to fire my first patronus." Ron goes on.

"She does have a mean right-hook. She got Edward this morning and I guarantee he is still sore." Carlisle states.

So she is violent too?! How am I to protect my bits if she comes after me in a fit of rage?

"She really did get a lot more fun after let go of being a stickler for the rules. She even helped us smuggle a dragon out of castle."

Ohhhhhh dragon.

"Tell me more" I say.

"Well Hagrid had a dragon, Norbert… or Norberta as it turns out, hidden away in his hut. He had watched it hatch from when it was a baby. It took us a while but we convinced him to let the dragon go to Charlie, Ron's older brother who runs a dragon reserve in Romania."

"I loved that there dragon." Hagrid states. Where did he come from?

"Emmett, can I talk to you for a minute?"

"Sure." I say as we walk away from my family.

"I haveta go to Diagon Alley again today for some flesh eating slug repellant. I was wonderin if you wanted to go with me?

"Heck yeah! I love that place!" FIST PUMP!

"Well come on and we can floo from the Headmaster's office!"

We step inside a fireplace and the Hagrid throws some of this powder stuff down and yells "Diagon Alley." The next thing I know I am falling on my butt in the middle of a pub.

"That is so cool!" I wonder how he knew I wouldn't die in those green flames... Oh well.

Hagrid leads me to this weird place that has lots of weird ingredients and vials. As I am looking around I notice a colorful building in the distance and my curiosity is burning.

"Well, I got the repellant. Ya ready to go back?

"Hagrid, what is that building right there?" I point to colorful building.

"Oh that there is the prank shop owned by the Weasley twins." I thought the twins were gone? Hmm… I can add liar to Hermione's list.

"Can we go? Can we? Please? Please? Please? Please?"

"Well, al'right. Don't see why not?" Hagrid said.

YIPEEEE. I maneuver my way through the crowd and as I get closer to the building I realize it is a bright orange with polka-dots and colorful zig-zags. The front has a giant torso of a guy taking a hot on and off and a bunny would appear and disappear. Magic is so cool. I walk in to the shop and it is just as colorful. It is filled to the brim with awesome prank ideas. I know this is what heaven is like.

"Hey mate, can I help you find something?"

I turn to the voice and I recognize the red hair. This must be one of the twins.

"Thank you" I sob as I lunge and hug him. I see the other one coming to check on his twin and I grab him and make him join. They awkwardly pat my back.

"There, there mate. You okay?"

"This place is just so beautiful. You can just smell the chaos in the air! I want five of everything just to begin with. Tell me, do your love potions work on vampires? Do you have anything to protect my bits from my new awesome, but evil sister-in-law? You know Hermione? Apparently she is dead set on keeping us apart. Do you think we were separated at birth like Cedric and Edward? Can you create a broom that will fly for someone who is not a wizard? Want to be my best friend? We can-"

"Woah woah man." One said "What is your name?" the other finished.

"I am Emmett. Emmett Cullen, vampire extraordinaire."

"Nice to" the left one says.

Meet you" continues the one on the right.

"I am Fred."

"And I am George."

"Welcome to Weasley's Wizarding Wheezes." I wonder if this is rehearsed. Maybe they will let me join in?

"Did you say you know Hermione?" They ask.

"Yes. She is my new sister-in-law. She Edward's mate. Edward is Cedric's twin, but Cedric is cooler."

"Cedric Diggory…" I can't remember who is who. I will just guess Fred said that.

"Has a twin?" George continued. They really should let me get in on this dual speaking stuff.

"Yeah, it shocked us all. Seriously though. I need protection from Hermione. She knows how to shrink a man's bits! I love my bits!"

"Hermione has been known…"

"too be quite vicious."

"Emmett, you have

"yourself some friends."

They spit in their hand and offered it to me to shake. I have never been so honored. I spit in both of mine and shake theirs at the same time.

"Boys, I guarantee you are going to regret this." I smile as they give me a confident nod.

HPOV

I feel Edward's warmth to my right in bed so I move to cuddle closer. Hmmm… Edward smells different. Odd…. Now the warmth is to my left. I crack my eyes open to see what is going on.

"WHAT THE?! FRED, GEORGE, HOW DID YOU GET IN HERE?" I look around the room and Edward is struggling under incarcerous ropes.

"Great to…" Fred said. "See you, 'MIone." George.

"Miss us?" They give me a cheeky grin.

"What are you two doing here?" and what can I do to get you to leave quietly…

"We had a unique visitor…." Fred.

"Who told us you had gone and gotten yourself soul bonded." George. He gestures towards Edward who is struggling with the ropes.

"Ronald has a very big mouth. I was going to tell you all at Sunday dinner."

"Oh dear little sis…" George.

"It wasn't ickle Ronniekins." Fred.

"We made a new friend." George.

"Another honorary marauder has been added to the mix." Fred.

Who would have… . . Please tell me they didn't meet….

"Edward, it is Emmett. They met Emmett!" I free myself from the twins hold and search frantically for my wand. Once my wand is found I release Edward from the incarcerous ropes.

"We have to go! We need to check on the family!" I say as I try to push Edward out the door but he was resisting.

"Uhh, dear. I think you should look in the mirror first." Edward says.

I can feel myself pale as I run to the bathroom. I take a shaky breath and look in the mirror. It was worse than I thought. They must have swapped ideas with Emmett because standing in front of the mirror is a blonde big bosomed playboy bunny; ears included! I can't just change back right away because I am not sure if they did this with a potion or a charm. I walk out eerily quiet and stand in front of the door.

"Why isn't she screaming, George."

"I don't know, Fred. But I am scared."

I give them an evil smile.

I am not sure what exactly happened for the next few minutes but I do know that they tried to run. I can still hear an echo every now and then of their delicious screams. When they are… umm… incapacitated…. Edward and I go to the great hall but none of the Cullens are there.

Sonorous. "Cullens come to the great hall!"

Within 5 minutes they were all in the great hall in various states of distress. Carlisle is stuck in a very naughty maids outfit. Side note: way to go Esme. Speaking of, Esme has apparently grown a mustache. Jasper and Alice are stuck together wearing matching tweedle dee and tweedle dum outfits from Alice and Wonderland. Which firmly confirms Emmett's advice in these pranks considering Alice in Wonderland is a muggle story. Rosalie has snake hair like Medusa and is holding baby Henry at a distance in case they are poisonous. Even poor baby Henry wasn't spared; he was missing an eyebrow. I capture Emmett and put him with the rest of the delinquents.

"Hey why was Edward the only one spared?" Alice cried in outrage.

She is right. Why WAS Edward spared? Emmett started to struggle against the gag in his mouth. I take it out.

"He wasn't" he said with a cheeky grin.

'EMMETT HOW COULD YOU GIVE ME A TATTOO?!" Edward screamed. That's it? They gave him a tattoo? That can easily be hidden unlike gargantuan breasts.

"Let us see it Edward." Jasper says.

"No. Never."

"Edward, let us see the tattoo." I reiterate for Jasper.

Edward seems to struggle to say no against me but still stands firm. This tattoo must be really bad. I send a silent wandless stupefy towards Edward and he goes down. Carlisle begins to reach down to get him.

"Not you Carlisle! Unless you want us to see more than you want us too." Damn Alice, she should have just kept quiet. I leer in Carlisle's direction for a minute before going to pick Edward up.

"Where is the tattoo Emmett?" I ask.

"It is a tramp stamp and the small of his back."

I turn Edward around and sure enough there is a tramp stamp on his back but this isn't just any tattoo… It is a magical tattoo which allows the two figures to move. I move out of the way so everyone can see Justin Beiber getting reemed from behind by a telletubby.. Everyone opened their mouth in awe. I silently release Edward from his stupefy and he hisses in my direction and pulls his shirt down. The problem is that we all saw it. We all know. Suddenly the mustached Esme let a giggle slip past her hairy upper lip. That broke the dam so to speak because we all rolled on the floor laughing at Edwards's misfortune as he sulked at the other side of the great hall away from the mockery. After a few minutes I suck it up and get ready for my secret weapon. The castle visibly gets colder.

"Oh no Fred!"

"She is hear George!" It was delightful to see how they struggled against their binds. Emmett looked on ignorantly not realizing what he has coming to him.

Suddenly the great hall doors slam open and Fred and George start whining louder. A black clocked figure terrifyingly makes their way towards the three delinquents and pulls their hood down. Looking back at them is the one and only Molly Weasley.

Fred and George promptly pass out.