I think I'm in love with you, and I'm terrified.
She can't say it; she won'tsay it. Because that might make it real.
Marinette knows she's in too deep; she never meant to fall for her partner, never expected to feel anything other than friendship for the boy in the mask. She didn't even notice it happening - one moment they were laughing, sitting on the balcony covered by the cloak of midnight, and the next Marinette had noticed that her heart was beating a little bit faster in a way she usually associated with the presence of Adrien Agreste.
Adrien, sweet Adrien, who's kind and charming and who she knows. Adrien, who doesn't spend half his life saving Paris in a catsuit. Adrien, who she isn't lying to every time she sees him - well, not as much, at least. Secret identities domean lying to your friends pretty consistently.
But it's starting to tear at Marinette's heart, the regular lies she tells Chat Noir in both of her identities; she didn't know this would happen, never thought that she would get to know Chat Noir so well. She'd pushed him away as Ladybug, after all, and how could she have predicted that she would befriend him as Marinette?
Maybe she should have stopped it. But it was Chat. Marinette couldn't turn him away when he'd needed a place to hide during an akuma attack - he was her partner, her friend, whether she was transformed or not - and then one visit had turned into two, then three, then more times than she could count. Marinette had gotten to know Chat Noir, reallyknow him - not the flirtatious superhero who charmed Paris, but the nameless boy beneath the mask who was worried he wasn't good enough - for his friends, for Ladybug, for his father. The boy who was in love with her secret identity, which she could now never reveal to him. The fallout would be too much, would hurt them both irreparably. How could she explain this to him, the fact she'd tried so hard to keep him at bay as Ladybug but let him in as Marinette?
How could she tell him she'd started to care for him more than she wanted to admit? That although her feelings for Adrien were still there, still an ember burning softly in her heart, suddenly her head was filled with thoughts of Chat Noir?
She was falling in love with him, and there was nothing she could do about it. She couldn't tell him - eventually her identity would come out, and she could already picture the hurt in Chat's eyes as he found out the girl who kept him at arm's length, even now, was the same one who loved him without her mask on.
She'd let it go on for too long; there was no way Marinette could tell him without him thinking she'd been toying with his heart, and the thought of hurting Chat even a little bit cut through Marinette's very soul like a shard of ice.
She walks up the ladder from her room to the balcony, a blanket draped over her shoulder, wondering when he'll show up. Whenever there was an akuma attack, Chat Noir would come to check that she was ok, that she hadn't been hurt, and she knew that tonight would be no exception. And every time she would stand there, laughing off his concern with vague reassurances about her safety - she can't tell him that he knows exactly how she was, because she was next to him the whole time.
But he always visits - just to make sure.
So Marinette waits for him, her white, baggy shirt falling over the top of her checkered flannel pants as she leans against the wall, the blanket held in her arms. She pulls her hair into a messy bun as the soft breeze pushes it out of her face, making adjusting it easier. She ties it as she balances the blanket in the crook of her elbow, wincing as the hairband pulls her hair too tightly from her scalp. She can't be bothered to re-do it, though. Marinette shivers as the breeze caresses her bare arms, taking out the blanket to tuck it around her shoulders, snuggling into it's softness as she slides down onto the floor to sit down.
She can't stop the increasing wave of anticipation as she waits for Chat to appear. Marinette's sure he'll turn up. He always does.
And after a few moments, Marinette isn't surprised when Chat Noir's head pops above the railing of the balcony, looking around to see if she's there, and a smile spreads on her face as he heaves himself up. Marinette stands, giving him room to vault over the railing gracefully before moving towards him. Chat Noir straightens himself up, grinning as he takes Marinette's hand and places it against his lips.
She used to pull her hand away instantly; now, Marinette hopes Chat Noir doesn't notice the blush creeping up her neck as she keeps hold of the blanket with her free hand.
"Hi, Chat," Marinette says, shaking her head as she tugs her hand away. "Everything ok? I heard that there was an attack today..." The lie falls from her lips too easily, and Marinette hates herself for it.
Chat's grin doesn't fade as he takes a step backwards, leaning against the balcony as he folds his arms across his chest.
"What, were you worried about me?" He winks, and Marinette rolls her eyes in response.
"Well, yeah. There was an akuma attack, of course I was."
He's leaning on her balcony with that stupidgrin still on his face, and Marinette lets out a small huff.
"Well, clearly you're alright. I'm guessing everything got sorted out?" she asks, hoisting the blanket which had begun to slip off her shoulder back up.
"What can I say? The akumas are no match for Paris' dashing duo!" Chat Noir flexes his muscles as he speaks, and Marinette bites back a laugh of affection; she's not sure if he's genuinely showing off or if he's joking, but either way having Chat Noir pose on her balcony is a sight she desperately wants to memorize.
She can't quite hold back a giggle, and Chat freezes, one arm flexed as the other rests on his hip, and he shrugs at her, unashamed at his posing.
"How about you? You weren't hurt, were you?" Chat Noir drops his arm, worry slipping into his cheery voice. Marinette shakes her head, smiling gently.
"I was at the bakery when the attack happened - I wouldn't have known about it if my dad didn't have the TV on."
Another lie. Marinette doesn't even have to think too hard about them now, they come easily to her. Her heart aches as Chat Noir relaxes visibly, leftover tension from the battle uncoiling at her words.
"Good," he says, and the relief in his voice is palatable. "I'd hate for anything to happen to you, Princess."
He says 'Princess' the same way he says 'My Lady', and Marinette doesn't know if she wants to laugh or cry at the nickname. It's another chip in the wall she's so desperately trying to build, because she can feel herself falling for Chat Noir, and god knows that's something she can't afford to do. It's too complicated, too much.
But he's looking at her like she's the goddamned moon, and it's so much better than how he looks at Ladybug. Because he knows Marinette as well as she knows him, and it's so much more realthan the brief encounters punctuated by akuma attacks.
She thinks she knows him better than Adrien, and that breaks her heart a little. But maybe it was always going to be Chat, and Marinette curses herself for getting them into this situation, where she can't tell the person she trusts most in the world the truth because she wasn't expecting these damned feelings.
Marinette knows she's staring at Chat Noir as the thoughts run through her mind, and she knows that Chat can tell that something's up. He tilts his head to one side, a look of concern glancing across his features. His grin fades a bit as he watches Marinette, and she wonders if he can hear her heart beating whenever he looks at her because really, it's so loud, how could he not?
"Marinette?" Chat Noir asks gently, taking a step forward to rest his hand on her shoulder. "Are you okay?"
Marinette nods. She shivers at his touch, and hopes she can pass it off as the chill of the night. She pulls the blanket tighter around her, and pastes a smile on her face as she looks into his eyes.
He doesn't buy it. His brow creases as Marinette's head drops to look at the ground, and he gently places his finger under her chin to tilt her face back towards his. He smiles reassuringly, and Marinette swears her heart stops for a moment.
"What are you thinking, Princess?" Chat Noir asks, and Marinette says nothing. Instead, she releases the blanket and pulls Chat into a hug, burying her face in his shoulder because she doesn't know what to say. His arms wrap around her shoulders, holding her tightly and securing the blanket around her, the top of it slipping over his arms.
"Marinette?"
I think I'm in love with you, and I'm terrified, she thinks. But she can't say it; she won'tsay it.
It's already too real.